8 Betrayals that Lead to Cheating

Before cheating happens, there is a lot that has occurred in a relationship. There has already been broken trust from critical words and micro-aggressions. This video shares 8 foundational betrayals that can lead to cheating.
Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC is a psychotherapist, specializing in intimacy, parenting, body image, and relationships.
Reaction Reset is a self-help series that explains the psychology behind why we react negatively and how we can begin to make a positive change. Subscribe for a new episode every other Wednesday!
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[@bkpsly1]

I love your videos, they are always helpful, but I want to say one thing: Please stop calling cheating a MISTAKE! It isn't. It's a conscience decision to do something they KNOW is wrong. A mistake is forgetting to pick up the dry cleaning on the way home, or that gallon of milk. Cheating is an vile and ugly CHOICE to knowingly hurt your partner. When you call it a mistake, I feel it is letting the betrayer get off easy with their repugnant decision to do this instead of come talk to their partner like an adult. This shows that the cheating partner is immature and needs A LOT of help and therapy. NOTHING good every comes from making this disgusting decision to cheat, it only destroys everyone and everything in its path. So please, stop being so nice to the cheaters of the world, and call it for what it is, a DECISION/CHOICE, not a mistake.

[@npkrn6764]

But also, usually a lot of things come before emotional or physical cheating and usually it's the fault of both parties. As an example and as she points out in the video, if someone is ridiculed or disrespected either in private or in front of others, withdrawing emotionally, etc... etc... then they are setting themselves up to be cheated on. It's a choice, sure, but I think she's saying it's a mistake in judgment. One should get a divorce before they cheat but that's in a perfect world, with perfect people. I'm a woman and I have a male cousin who is like a brother to me. We were always together as kids and we are still very close. He's a nice guy (too nice), a good parent and husband and financial provider to his wife and kids. I've witnessed his wife be a disrespectful shrew to him for years. She's gotten increasingly worse towards him, and others in the family over the years. He, like many parents, wants to stay married at least until the kids are grown - which is close. Long story short, he finally gave up trying to convince her to go to marriage counseling (she wouldn't), he stopped going out with her in public as much as possible, he no longer argues when she tells him she wants a divorce every other week but then when he says - "OK, let's do that" she whines and cries, and backpeddles and begs him to stay. Also they haven't slept in the same room or been intimate in like 5 years. It's just endless and getting worse. He admitted to me and another family member that he had an affair recently for the first time and that he knows now from that, that he wants out of the marriage. My point is, affairs are not always some selfish person out there wanting their cake and eating it too. As she's saying in the video - affairs often occur because of many betrayals along the way such as disrespect, emotional or physical or even financial abuse, etc... As far as my cousin, yes he's making the choice to stay until his youngest is 18 (the kid is 16 now), and yes it was a choice to have an affair but so what?? His wife has responsibility too and I and the other family member he told wonder what took him so long! I'm sick of this idea that someone can treat their spouse like dogshit for YEARS and then act all shocked when that person cheats on them! Duh!!! His wife doesn't know but I hope she does find out 🤣😂 sometimes people deserve whatever they get. If I treated my husband the way she treats him I'd be shocked if he DIDN'T cheat on me!

[@Wadadli68]

Very well said

[@mrs.christiehannaalexander33]

HELL YEAH 👏! Thank you very much for your comment 🙏!

[@bkpsly1]

Not my case. My husband was diagnosed with NPD and tried to kill me by strangulation when i discovered the cheating. he was cheating all while I was continuing to be a loving, supportive wife. In my case (rare, i think) there wasn't anything I was doing wrong. He lost his job and instead of taking the blame for that (after all, it was him there making the mistakes and not me) he blamed me and revenge cheated because his Narc ego was destroyed. I (and even our kids) were telling him how proud i/we were of him for picking up the pieces, moving on, how strong he was and we all appreciated him and his hard work. Sound like a wife that deserved to be cheated on? no...just no...not every case of cheating has a role for both people. Some people are innocent victims of cruel, intentional abuse.

[@Wadadli68]

@@npkrn6764 Nobody knows what goes on in someone else's marriage. It doesn't matter what how close you think you are to one of the partners or what you think you've witnessed. None of us know who the real abuser is behind closed doors.

[@melodykubiak5850]

Is it at all possible for the volume to your videos to be louder? If I have background noise I can't hear you clearly. I have to wait till the house is quiet before I can listen to your videos. (This is waiting for a 'quiet' house with six pet birds. Not likely when they are awake.)

[@manknowsnothing3796]

I agree! A lot of youtubers need a mic preamp but they don’t know that. Also might be helpful to run the audio through some mastering software.

[@rahulpanda1602]

True I too have noticed these betrayal

[@materialgirl338]

Do you do private counseling?

[@denisships2861]

The dilema comes when actually the actions of your partner are wrong and then she expects you to defend her and isolate your friends and families until they apologize to her. There is gotta be room to tell the raw truth even if it hurts your partner and she might feel betrayed

[@MaryJoRapini]

I get this. Honesty can and should be spoken with compassion and feeling.