Game of Thrones Abridged #48: Eddard XIII, AGOT

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[@bingusmingus2937]

Alt Schwift X: no tangents

[@Spartacus114]

The tangents are what we’re all here for

[@justincoutts8748]

A few episodes ago i was like, "damn, how come they get so long?" Then homeboy talked about cryogenic freezing for twenty mins lol

[@otterlover3399]

Considering milk of the poppy makes you pass out and Robert had just called Ned in for a last conversation about his last will and testament as Robert rapidly dies, I think it was more about not wanting Pycelle to stop him doing than showing how tough he is.

[@w0ttheh3ll]

This is how I've always interpreted that. Pycelle might even have been explicity trying to stop that conversation from happening.

[@w0ttheh3ll]

Milk of the Poppy is a strong Opioid, basically Morphine, which doesn't exactly improve your clarity of mind. It is also regularly described as making characters sleepy. Robert refusing to take it immediately before his last conversation with Ned seems reasonable enough based on that.

[@masterlego2846]

😅😅🎉😅

[@masterlego2846]

🎉🎉🎉

[@Cookiielaad]

I almost don't want these videos to become popular because the community is so pleasant, love to listen to these videos alt great job

[@chadpfister833]

That cryogenesis rant... amazing.

[@brettd2308]

Regarding your talking about cryogenic freezing and everything, it made me think of Larry Niven's excellent Known Space series of sci-fi stories. The rights of cyrogenically frozen people play a huge part of several of them. Basically, in his future organ transplants are so advanced that anyone can successfully get one to extend their life, but there are never enough organs to go around. This has tons of widespread effects in his world, but it also directly affects the question of what to do with the cryogenically frozen people. Politicians begin to make the argument that the "popsicles" were selfish to flee from the troubles of their own time, so why would they help the problems of ours? Why spend the time, money, and effort to rehabilitate them to a modern society that they'd only overpopulate and make poorer? Wouldn't they be of more use in the organ banks, where every citizen can personally benefit? etc etc

[@Arensi]

50 min of pure bliss - made me go to bed and listen to it on my phone - thx mate

[@cowboyhank456]

I just learned Barristan isn't dead yet in the books. I'm very sad they killed him off, such a great character and honorable man.

[@MrTauren1996]

Hey schwifty! I'm sorry I haven't commented in a while, I'm excited to see your new non-GOT content. You deliver a really nice book-club experience that I"ve really been looking for for a while and you 100% nail it. Don't stop doing what you do, and don't limit yourself to GoT/ASOAIF, I'd love schwfity describing Lovecraftian stuff, or honestly anything you're interested in sharing with us! You deliver stories in such a concise an relatable fashion that I feel like I could connect to anything you put out for us viewers. I love you Schwifty! I truly do! I'm looking forward to the next episode and your next project with the excitement of a giddy schoolgirl.

[@AltSchwiftX]

Thanks mate! Yeah I really dig the book-club feel too, and I'm definitely planning some non-GOT stuff along those lines in the future (:

[@Rebk_TineoG]

Loved that PJs tangent, Schwifty!

[@thunderclap7154]

I bet Sansa wear a Zorse onesie.

[@sffrnndzn]

Terribly appropriate that I just got home drunk and now will listen to this DELIGHTFUL chapter in which Neddy Boy fucks up

[@CRob172]

Sofia Fernandez and soon the Ned will be DELETED! #shwiftysquwad

[@JWHvidoes]

Caleb Robinson "Brother Jaime, I knew you'd come." Note: there are wildly different implications depending on if it's Tyrian or Cersei saying this statement.

[@CRob172]

YYYYYYEEEEESSSS HAHAHAHA, by book three Jaime and Cersei's relationship becomes OBSOLETE!

[@55bueller]

Well this just became a Schwifty Saturday. My weekend is now complete. Your the epitome of Aussie pride. Seven Blessings my dude!!!

[@postpunk6947]

It's been a long time ago, but my opinion is same as couple years ago. Pre-recorded format is better than live streaming, definetely.

[@Galvatronover]

Idk I like a lot of live stream stuff Also isn’t this live I often hear him respond to comments

[@w0ttheh3ll]

When Ned resigned as Hand and wanted to leave King's Landing immediately, it was Littlefinger who came and stopped him.

[@catathielemann3239]

Trying to finish a cake, a bit stressed. And then this video comes out, and the tangents I love so much. I'll rewatch every minute over and over again, until the decoration on the cake is ready. Thanks so much, Alt dear. Have a happy weekend, #schwiftysquwad, love you all.

[@smashedavo6949]

Good luck on the cake! May your weekend be less stressful as well :D

[@catathielemann3239]

Thanks a lot, Avo. I just need patience, I can sleep tomorrow.

[@CRob172]

Cata Thielemann it's the weekend so kick back and relax!

[@catathielemann3239]

Caleb, I work on weekends, when people celebrate.

[@CRob172]

Cata Thielemann darn that sucks

[@Svalbaz]

Shame that this abridged series appears to have died. Still going to watch them all

[@OnlyTrueProletariat]

There's a certain point neds storyline turns into a comedy where 9/10 choices he makes are just the opposite of what he should do 😂

[@diego-lima]

You should host a Q and A session, Alt! #schwiftysquwad - just don't make Oyster the moderator!

[@hairlessoyster3689]

D Lima that's probably smart.

I teared up reading this chapter, and that's after seeing it on GoT

[@ravensthatflywiththenightm7319]

21:20 Funny enough, Sean Bean had a medieval role where his character gets torn apart just like that lol

[@alexanderreese8688]

Pot noodle, couple of fuck off spreadsheets and Schwifty Squwad - what a night

[@hairlessoyster3689]

#schwiftysquwad. Not sure what Pot Noodle is but i think I like it?

[@alexanderreese8688]

Hairless Oyster I mean they're pretty reprehensible imitations of human food but it's late and I'm hoooongry

[@smashedavo6949]

Ahhh now my day can begin on an awesome note, thanks Alt! #schwiftysqwad

[@CRob172]

Smashed Avo goodness my day is ending lol #shwiftysquwad

[@welshrelics2983]

great videos They help me get to sleep.👍

[@william.mariner4230]

I think Varys sending the assassin and sending Jorah to stop him, allowed Jorah to get closer too Dany. Which would help Jorah spy on her

[@madisonhouchin3643]

Thank u for doing these, maybe if u continue them you’ll inspire George lol

[@rubbish_kat]

We come for the abridged book knowledge, we stay for Schwiftys weird little side tangents.

[@hairlessoyster3689]

Cheers. I like the Retro version too. It seems like Just Last Week we were doing this kinda shit. The Good Ol Days.

[@catathielemann3239]

We are all old #schwiftysquwad

[@hairlessoyster3689]

Cata Thielemann I remember the old days when The Schwift asked questions and had to wait hours for the answers. It's crazy to think about.

[@SeungKang]

Have a mega funtastic weekend Oyster and Cata!

[@kerrinoir]

#schwiftysquwad ! :)

[@CRob172]

Hairless Oyster aye, I'm 20 years old and like the retro stuff lol

[@avernvrey7422]

Pain is feeling, life, he's going to be 'numb,' dead, for all eternity soon.

[@diegoprodriguez]

Do you guys think there was actually any way for Ned to make it out of Kings Landing alive based off his decisions? Because with Cersei and Littlefinger working against Ned, I don’t think Ned could ever make it back. I think the minute he left Winterfell, he sealed his fate.

[@rcshadowpriest2819]

He could leave with renly

[@shieraseastar9300]

I scream, you scream, we all scream for LIVE STREAM!! :D

[@Daniel-ut6lc]

Here in the states a lot of people are killed by pigs

[@Spartacus114]

I wouldn’t exactly call them “people”

[@Daniel-ut6lc]

@@Spartacus114 holy shit you know I'm talking about police killing people right

[@franamellado]

oh I'm so late for this one! But glad I can listen to this before going to bed, it looks like shit's about to get real, real soon. Good night, my good #schwiftysqwad

[@catathielemann3239]

Good night, Fran

[@hairlessoyster3689]

Fran Mellado so adorable with your needing to sleep and all. Have Fun

[@franamellado]

Hairless Oyster bahahaha what can I say, I'm only a boring human being with boring needs. Not an awesome hairless oyster by any means 😉

[@l.jboylan6704]

nonono, littlefinger says that Stannis wont reward them, so he would lose all power, thjat why he doesnt want stannis; eith ned makes him the hand of the hand, or cersi gives him the ol' harrenhall rumble under the sheets. its a win win

[@granthill1412]

30:00 Varys likely wanted to anger Khal Drogo into attacking Westeros by having a foiled assassination attempt on Dany. Which would've worked if not for other events.

[@evancarlson5805]

I want everyone to imagine the moment Robert got to the afterlife and found Lyanna and Rhaegar fucking non-stop. Or almost as good, Lyanna goes to a different afterlife because Old Gods. So Robert gets to the afterlife and finds only Rhaegar waiting for him.

[@runareinert325]

I think Littlefingers only plan is to stop Ned from exposing that the kids arn't Robert's. Because he does not want Stark or Stannis on the throne.

[@postpunk6947]

Littlefinger's plan is to start a war Starks vs Lannisters, stop Vale from joining the war and weaken, take control of Vale because it is the only one left untouched by the war and strong. What's next? We'll see. Certainly taking over North with Sansa. If it succeeds, he will already have authority over Vale, Riverlands and North. It's basically half of Westeros.

[@tabeeb99]

its so nostalgic going back to this set up

[@loooongneck]

Maybe Varys intentionally had the assassination attempt happen and be foiled because this is the event that sparked Drogo’s interest in invading Westeros. Illyrio and Varys’ whole thing (presumably) is to have the Dothraki invade Westeros under Viserys / Dany to destabilize the realm and then have Aegon swoop in and clean up the mess as the perfect prince. If Jorah had reported to Varys that Drogo was showing no intention of ever invading Westeros, perhaps Varys deduced that by having Westerosi agents attack Drogo’s heir in the womb, he could provoke Drogo into rage against Westeros.

[@panonymousbloom5405]

Littlefinger: No no, you should just be the next father to Joff instead. This way, you will be the true kind behind him and will have a chance to make him a great king... Me: That's actually not such a bad idea. Littlefinger: ... And I will be right there to help you! Me: Nevermind.

[@thertsman8233]

#schwiftysquwad

[@hairlessoyster3689]

theRTSman cheers!

[@user-dx1sn9qx8h]

This actually not first death of a king in this story vesayris died a chapter before this.

[@CRob172]

Sup shwifty squwad!

[@jamessampayo57]

i was just about to go to sleep but... i guess not

[@NIKSEEN]

Same, mate, 03:23 here but I can't pass this up

[@CRob172]

James Sampayo 1:41 here

[@oberstul1941]

Well, Robert doesn't actually die when he goes to sleep, right? But anyway... funny videos, man.

[@lisaeriksson1081]

31:00 renly and ned 32:55

[@WorthlessWinner]

King's blood you say? someone call mel!

[@ferrousallotrope]

Does ned stark have wolf dreams?

[@joydoe7938]

and drop bears 😂

[@WorthlessWinner]

15:00 if i had to guess, australia would be the country you're most likely to be killed by an animal in. But i wouldn't wanna eat a spider.

[@Daniel-ut6lc]

I think Littlefinger just wants Ned dead cause he is married to Cat

[@Spartacus114]

Little finger wants Sansa’s cat

[@betteryou7hanme]

Lower lips sink ships

[@NostalgiaChubby]

the gods! I can't catch up!

[@faisalkamal4319]

Rip bobby b

[@HelciusCabral]

aeeew GoT of thrones

[@piccininini]

Hey man, youre pretty cool.

[@KlaraL-_-]

This was great, but RIP Robert :( and the pig. RIP boar. Btw doesn´t Cersei eat that boar later? I feel like she would :D

[@prof.cecilycogsworth3204]

Oh, yes. That'll come up in later chapters!

[@deffientllynotjalenbutler1736]

His good friend little finger

[@Shamman_komanch]

Maybe you could cut out the cancer tumor and have a little meat ball. Than you could eat your mates killer.

[@DanteHellDrive]

Wow! Came here for GoT lore, and went away with Cryogenic lore

[@X_Online801]

Why Ned doesn't just pack his shit and bounce after Robert dies still confuses me.. Why concern yourself with a shit show that's way above your pay grade.

[@btarczy5067]

That cryogenic bit reminds of the Star Trek episode in which people from our time wake up in the Space Communism future and it turns out that they're mostly just useless assholes who are miserable upon discovering that their wealth and fame now mean shit. And the people who think that "I'm so important, my death is not acceptable by me and society as a whole" are so tragicomical.

[@hairlessoyster3689]

Summarize the Summary- Can't sleep, tried to sleep, too much peoples fuckin' with my schwifty time. The Ned 13- Sealing of The Ned. These Fuckin' Crypts. All these dreams and nobody just goes down and learns the shit? Do you believe in the Path under the Wall? The Old Way? I'm starting to think all these god forsaken Underground tunnels might connect. Lyanna, always good for a ride or a Haunting. Horse Ride, Not the Dirty, Dirty get your minds out of the shitstream. The Ned Dresses Left, I can tell. I prefer something covering my genitals when i sleep, I have trust issues. So much info about The Ned's Past come boiling up like carrots and turnips in this chapter. SO Good. Awww the room smells of death. That is a unique smell. Did you just make Bobby Boar-Smashed-Me-Dumb 's Death Bed into a Food Description? Cannibal Joe over here........ Pain Meds work. Chicks Dig suffering so there are those points to consider. Valium is a benzodiazepine and the only pain it will cure is that creepy voice in you head. Near Dead Bobby got smashed so hard he is agreeing with The Ned. The Ned kinda cunts out on talking to his Bestie while He is dying slowly, painfully, and with a clinging moist smell in the room. The only thing that can make a humid day more moist is to let the stink of death fortify the air. I would rather smell a Man burn the die from an infection. #smellsmatter. Do we ever hear of anyone actually eating the Boar? Most people in my Country are killed by other People. So again, we are back to cannabilism. Why are you talking about eating people with Apples? If the person committed sucide by eating themselves to death, what would you eat? Moving On.. Good idea. www.earthporm.com/bye-bye-coffins-these-organic-burial-pods-turn-your-loved-ones-into-trees/ Ted Williams had just his head frozen. Futurama style. I love my grandmother but she is old and a complete idiot to modern day life. Why would unfreezing someone 300 years Dead be able to deal with it any better. Its certainly in everyones interest to separate self important cunts from their money. Drawn and Quartered by Fear,Honesty, Integrity and A World Class Asshole Friend who married into a Family of Deranged Cunts Who Somehow CLusterFucked an Incest Baby into A Position of Power. FUck Joffrey. Lyanna could have Kicked The SHit out of Joffrey. She Could have Beat him to death with His own Mother if she so chose to. That sentence doesn't sound right. At All. Renly has been Stabbing Boys for Years and he has never recorded a Kill. Fat Powerful Men attract a certain kinda Female. Barry Selmy sounds like a Record Executive's name. "Barry Selmy, Atlantic Records, I want to make you a star" Varys is Creep. fact. Varys is so creep he dehumidifies the air that surrounds his aura. #nevermoist . I think it condenses into a hidden goat bladder in his sleeves. he is saving it to waterboard the guy who cut off his Johnson. Dear Ned, Watch The Fuck Out!! Spikes! Renly wants to cross swords with The Ned and jack up some Lannister Fuckboys. By the Book Ned is what they called him at The Bloody Gate. Short Live The King! And then the Ned FUcked up Damn Near Every Friggin' Thing in one Honest Thought. Pick Better Friends Folks. DOn't get stuck with a Slobbery Robert. Pee-Tyre is such a piece of shit he makes a piece of shit look like a diamond pendant. FiddleStringer . Team Eunuch Claus. All Day. Flannel Baratheon. Stannis would be a Black Watch Plaid if he had to be a plaid. I can't think of a scenario were he would have to make that choice though. Show Stannis looks like a crown would fall down his narrow head and weak chin and become a necklace instead. The Ned just isn't suited for City Life. He gets so twisted from the moment his big dumb horse strode into Town. Hardcover is a nice touch . #LIVECASTWEDNESDAYS #SCHWIFTYSQUWAD

[@catathielemann3239]

Love your summary, always. I have a question... do girls really like suffering? I'm a girl and I don't get it. Hope you can get some sleep, I'm going to bed now, the cake is finally ready.

[@hairlessoyster3689]

Cata Thielemann some girls( not all, never all) like to see a good man work for it. Watch them sweat and sometimes suffer. Maybe genetic, they like to see what kind of stock you were bred from. Like when two bull moose fight with locked horns in order to get the female.

[@CRob172]

Cata Thielemann to back up oyster I am and try to be a nice guy to ladies and try to work hard for them but they perfer the bad boys (especially the ones with money) over the nice hard working guys who's I'll try to do everything for them, that at least in my area at least.

[@catathielemann3239]

Wow, guys... that relly sucks. It sucks so much I want to apologize on behalf of us girls who are not like that.

[@CMS5210001]

1) maybe don't use the word retarded??? 2) Ned trying to follow the rules while in kings landing: kzbin.info/www/bejne/fWauqY1rgciSj6M #shwiftysquwad 4 lyfe

[@diegoprodriguez]

I always just thought Robert didn’t take the medicine because he knew he was gonna die, so he’d rather the medicine be used for someone who has a chance to win.