Bad Behavior: Why do people ghost?

Have you been ghosted? Have you ghosted someone else? If so, why? ? Here's how to deal with ghosting, and how to set parameters for thoughtful dating behavior from the very start:
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Relationship Expert and Bestselling Author (Allowing Magnificence, and Older Women/Younger Men) Susan Winter, writes, speaks and coaches on evolutionary forms of loving partnership and higher thinking. Media credits include: THE OPRAH SHOW, THE TODAY SHOW, GOOD MORNING AMERICA, ABC/CBS/NBC EVENING NEWS, CNN, BBC, COSMO, HARPERS BAZAAR, PEOPLE, FORTUNE, BUSINESS INSIDER, NEW YORK MAGAZINE, THE LONDON TIMES, and THE NEW YORK TIMES. In radio, Susan is a frequent guest on NPR, ABC, BBC, PLAYBOY RADIO (Sirius), and CBS NEWS RADIO. HerPodcast, 'The Susan Winter Show', can be heard on iHeart Radio and iTunes. www.susanwinter.net

[@sialee5926]

Those who ghost lack character,and integrity. They’re clearly cowards and toxic. Acknowledge that they have done you a huge favour and not deserving of you🙂

[@DynastyHeroes]

Personally I don't believe you have to have meet them in person to be ghosted, if you've been messaging for a couple of weeks consistently and one day they just disappear in my eyes that is also ghosting, it certainly feels the same.

[@jossell911]

Facts!!

[@janebraun4482]

Well, I didn't meet yet the guy in person, but I deleted where we 'might' meet or I'd said I'd be. I was to repost and was tardy to fix where I'd show up and ended up the original spot. He saw my deletion and assumed I dumped or ghosted. He did the same to me then! All a misunderstanding, but he never gave any personal means to comm so I was left like in an awkward spot. Why does a guy assume I dumped him?

[@user-zk9dk7eq9b]

It doesn’t matter if it’s been a couple weeks of daily texting. Also, daily texting is too much in the early weeks, maybe a streak of a few days but not all the time. The answer seems to lay in the question.

[@user-zk9dk7eq9b]

@@janebraun4482or that you just don’t know what you want or are playing a game. The trick is to show how interested you are while retaining self respect and dignity foremost.

[@uqlthurg]

I agree, Ghosting is the product of laziness and more importantly DISRESPECT! Anyone who doesn't give you basic respect as a human to say "Thanks, but i don't see this going anywhere and have a wonderful life" then this person is not right for you, not on the same awareness level, limited skill set to play in your playground (awesome analogy Susan!) - as far as i'm concerned you've Dodged a bullet so use this time wisely and go find someone who respects and treat you well - good luck everyone :)

[@SusanWinter]

Great comment, Luki! Thank you for sharing with us.

[@miquellejacksonmj]

Thanks for the encouragement

[@bellebeauty67]

Impolite , weak and lack courage..blows my mind to hear those words yet write them about adult behavior in the dating world. Awesome topic Susan. Thank you!!!

[@SusanWinter]

You are welcome, Kathleen!!

[@mdmmalou]

A ghoster is a (c)harming energy vampire who allready misused you and by suddenly ghosting you, makes you feel a worthless thing. But as sad as it is, you always bring it cheerful Susan! 🧡👍

[@joesandstrom4111]

I just want to scream, “Why are you doing this!? When it could be fun and so much easier!!!”

[@mjmoody3796]

Exactly

[@xotchiltlazurda7743]

It is what is and not what wish it was

[@infinite.ocean_]

💯

[@reilly3781]

Breakups aren't fun or easy

[@profi-company_course]

Can’t get over... I have fallen in love with a man. We were/ are friends. He turned out to be gay. I just misinterpreted everything ... I don’t know how to forget him... we still communicate like friends. But I want him so much ... it hurts

[@gomeztmoore]

"Rejection is gods protection ".

[@mifasola1]

Yep...I'm in my 60s and so is the man who ghosted me. You'd think he would have grown up by now? A total avoidant and with the quarantine...he hasn't called ONCE just to see if I'm alive for craps sake.

[@cheesecakesmellsgood]

Speechless VIsual Productions maybe he died of old age #plottwist 🤣

[@ambakirbey5702]

Yeha that's a shocker ! That's exactly how I feel with this 42 year old whom ghosted me and all shes doing is sitting in her apartment alone and avoiding me. Fuck sake 👎

[@leahc8347]

Wow (sarcasticly, lol) mine didnt even do that?! I gave him my all, and my heart and now doesnt even care if Im alive. So much for true love. Dont give it to those swines that toss pearls in the mud. Give it to someone you can trust... someone special... YOU. Now go sip that warm tea... XOXO

[@cayenneangel]

What an idiot

[@anhpam9205]

They remain as 15 year olds.

[@lendrury2771]

Ghosting hurts big time It was done to me a number of times during a 3 year relationship with a narcissistic woman It really screws up your head your heart and even begins to mess up your physical health I personally believe that ghosting is a cheap ass cowardice chicken shit way to end something

[@SusanWinter]

True, true!

[@abowling5759]

Definitely a bunch of heartless cowards

[@lendrury2771]

@@abowling5759 amen to that They're runners .they act tough on the exterior but internally they're scared little bunny rabbits They have serious mental disorders but I dont feel sorry for them for one millisecond because they're life wreckers who deserve every payback they get

[@johngallagher72]

Sorry to hear this happened to you. This just happened to me as well. I treat it like I'm playing baseball. I message you or ask you three times. If I dont get an answer by third try it's time to move on. In my situation it looks they got back with the ex. Funny thing is all she had to do was text me ..hey I enjoyed talking to you but I'm gonna try to work things out with my ex. I would have totally understood and been cool with it. Just really shows a lack of manners more than anything else.

[@abowling5759]

Len Drury Yep, couldn’t have said it better myself!...

[@chgoh13]

Fading out is also ghosting, in my opinion

[@ryanhopwood1148]

Like they reply less to set it up

[@solidcatink]

I lost 10kg after being ghosted by my boyfriend. We had just returned from an intimate weekend in my country, and I never saw him again. He left me on 'unread' for 3 weeks, and never responded.

[@SusanWinter]

So sorry, but now you're here and know it speaks volumes about him

[@solidcatink]

@@SusanWinter thank you so, so much. I am still devastated.

[@adjoaosei87]

I’m so sorry that this happened to you. What an unpleasant and very odd man - no respect

[@adj5767]

That was downright terrible. May be he died or fell sick? Because that's truly unreasonable behaviour.

[@solidcatink]

@BindiLaaa Thank you for your response. I will never acknowledge his sad existence ever again. Perhaps some choice words, but that's it. We got back together for one month this past summer, only for him to do it again. I was naive to think he had changed, but I loved him so very much. Not anymore. I'm healed (healing well) and only feel disdain and disgust towards him. Thanks again. I hope karma gets him. To disrespect someone/anyone in the way he did is unacceptable. But to do that to me, the woman he claimed to love, the woman who gave him so much love and acceptance... it's simply mind blowing. I hate him.

[@jamesg2609]

Wished I had 1 dollar for every time I have been rejected and ghosted would be a millionaire.

[@KarinaLicursi]

I like this conversation but whatever the reason if a person does it and they try to come back, block them. They're not going to change until they realize nobody wants to put up with them. People usually change when something radical happens.

[@adj5767]

@@SpeechlessVisualProductions aren't you the Fool .......

[@aa-jm7js]

@@adj5767 Yeah, I agree with that that there are people that normally have a passive demeanor trying to act like they are some way else just to trip up someone that they are trying to kick mud in the face of because they are angry at that person, or something.

[@abowling5759]

aa interesting observation! They want to express anger and contempt but don’t have the balls to tell you that to your face...so they pull this juvenile b.s...what it means is you never meant anything to them at all, except as a toy.

[@Mancer1980]

Great video. People usually ghost when there's something going on they do NOT want you knowing about - it usually means they're still involved with someone from the past and never really cut those ties. Since you're the new person, you're much easier to dispose of.

[@SusanWinter]

HUGE THANKS to everyone who joined in on this conversation. Here's how to deal with ghosting, and how to set parameters for thoughtful behavior from the very start of your meeting someone.

[@sadie9386]

Susan Winter thanks for great advice. I had a great lunch date with someone. He asked if we could do it again. I said yes. He never called🤷‍♀️

[@solidcatink]

thank you so very much, Susan.

[@fifi2421]

We know our value and we set our standards; we know not to invest time, effort and energy into someone's potential. We know not to attribute our desired qualities onto a blank canvas, resulting in an illusion. I think when people get ghosted, they focus on the 'why' because it hurts or hurts their egos and they know that they're a catch and deserve better. However, if we take ourselves out of the situation or at least try to view things objectively, we can logically deduct that you do not share the same standards/values or skill set to build something stable and mature. They're not bringing anything to the table, whereas you are the table- sometimes they'll take and leave crumbs- in which case they can clean that up and leave or you can stop inviting them.

[@SusanWinter]

Great commentary! Thanks Fifi

[@fifi2421]

@@SusanWinter Much appreciated, thank you ❤

[@adj5767]

@@SpeechlessVisualProductions haha......you're totally confused on this imagined power. I can teach you a thing or two. Ghosting is a coward's way of running from circumstances too difficult for them. You are INDEED weak not powerful....lolz. Such delusion...who hurt you? Whoever it was, you are still in their power by being so predictable...😆😃. Hilarious!

[@aa-jm7js]

@@adj5767 He (assuming they are a he) deleted all of their comments on my thread to me on this video that we were discussing yesterday and today. Right when I started talking about ghosting, I came back to read what was replied to me from what I saw on my notifications, and then I saw that all of their comments were deleted. (Shrugs) It looks like they deleted their comment to you too. What did he tell you? Did he tell you to ghost someone?

[@adj5767]

@@aa-jm7js it's been weeks...gosh but I think he was claiming it gives him power when he pretends to lure a woman in and then ghost her out of nowhere.

[@confusedspoons]

I've had it happen so many times now. It stops making you sad after a while.. now I just laugh. I think its cowardly and figure they just did me a favour.

[@Tokolos]

Concur ) I can now even spot a ghoster just by carefully looking at their social media profiles.

[@caoileanndigney3869]

😂😂😂 oh I love you! ‘If the shoes are being held hostage, get them first then say what you have to say’ 🤣 YASSS 🙌🏽 no man is worth the loss of a good pair of heels!

[@jillainenewman1358]

I was recently ghosted by the man I was seeing for five months. I'm devastated. I know in time I'll be happy I dodged a bullet, but right now...this is devastating.

[@ameerahrashada4515]

After a year I was ghosted it really hurt , I didn't even know what ghosting was after learning what it was and the meaning of it all I can say to my ghoster is Thank You so much my eyes are opened in so many ways because of you I really want to thank you my Ghost

[@gomeztmoore]

It's the great saying "rejection is gods protection".

[@adjoaosei87]

I have been ghosted and it is very painful. However, I confess I have also ghosted people, it has usually been for this reason - after around the second date, a text message request for explicit photos comes through. I’ve no interest in further engaging or communicating with someone who does not respect the importance of normal social etiquette.

[@lynnmarieanderson1744]

Yep. I had to ghost someone I was sending emails back and forth to for a few weeks because I could see from our correspondence that it really wasn't going anywhere and I was nervous that if I politely tried to end it he might send me some mean and vicious emails back. I think there's a big difference between ghosting someone you only had one or two dates with versus someone you've been with for 3 months or more. Some guys are just hooked on you until they can have sex with you and then they bail.

[@burgermister7580]

You have been ghosted because you do it karma

[@pandascoops]

What if they didn’t ask exactly for YOUR photo but sends suggestive and sexual/dirty jokes or memes? Was that just his humor or was it suggesting that he kind of wants sex even tho it wasn’t directly said?

[@AdrianColley]

Well, it sounds like you also don't "respect the importance of normal social etiquette" either. It's normal to say "no" when you mean "no".

[@Michelek65]

Thank you Susan. I have been thru 3 online relationships this past year. LDR. I don't understand these men. I don't want to give up but it seems to be an ocean of men who don't want commitment or they just go from one woman to the next. They tell you what you want to hear or pretend they want the same thing. This is timely because I find this is the common way people end things. With a big fat nothing. Exhausting. Thank you for your candid discussion.

[@Michelek65]

Thank you so much. I sure will. Right now I'm taking a break and doing some self improvement and reflection. Your videos help me do that.

[@SusanWinter]

@@Michelek65 Thank you for your support! I've been asked many times about "bad behavior" (that's what I've call them). This will now be a weekly series, so make sure to watch out for next week's video!

[@BCHODOSH01]

Susan, your help, advice and guidance is so greatly needed in this modern era of dating and relationships. I love your intelligence, compassion and insight . Your personality,and sincere way of explaining is so refreshing. It's like talking with a trusted friend. Thank you for taking the time to help us navigate the road of relationships. Be safe and well,and i look forward to your next video.

[@SusanWinter]

Robert, thank you so much for your kind words and support! Stay well!

[@Christie_MYTURN2324]

Sadly, I think in today's society, ghosting, has become the norm. Ppl are so disconnected in this new "virtual world ".

[@erox2717]

Ghosting is also a form of manipulation. Its a way to get you back using the silent treatment. For example if you two had a fight and the other person just stops responding. Dont tell me its appropriate to just ignore someone even if they are saying something you dont like. Its not a spiritual tactic. In spiritual teachings, they teach you not to react but you can still respond. But a lot of ppl get this confused, thinking that not reacting means not responding.

[@thetransparentjerseygirl]

Ghosting is cowardly & disrespectful..weak i called my ex out on it face to face & at the end told him i deserve better..deserve more respect than ghosting..especially when ive asked is everything ok? You tell me yes..but face to face when i call you out..you tell me your feelings for me are up and down...smh..he told me he will reach out to me when he figures out what he wants to do w me...told him im not a toy he can pick up play w throw down when he feels like it..dont want to spend time w a man who isnt sure about me...told him i was good to him despite whatever flaws i have & im Done..i walked away. (We dated for 4 months..talked about the future & everything..told me he never felt so secure w a woman .i truly thought something happened to him..smh..he was suppose to pick me up on a fri to spend the wknd together..we talked all day fri & he never showed up ..or replied to my calls...so sat night i showed up at his house to see if he was ok..smh..he pulls up from grocery shopping i was like so ur alive..smh)..im 39 & im honestly over dating completely..easier to be alone.

[@jonnyk4669]

i got ghosted out of the blue in the beginning of April by someone i had been seeing for a little over a year. Quarantine definitely made it more difficult to deal with. I lost grip, I kept trying to reach out for a solid 3-4 weeks. I regret that.

[@sunitafisher4758]

🌸 The one thing I have noticed is that they prevent the other person from getting closure and makes the innocent ones believe it was something they did. I found the best way to get over them is to write a note/letter to express what you needed to say but didn’t get the chance. Either safely destroy it in a fireplace or tear into multiple pieces and throw to the wind. It will at least give you some closure. Best news is you will heal and you will meet an amazing person, I promise you that, as there are still real genuine people out there 🤗

[@katherinehague5053]

Im sorry Johnny hope you are better now ❤️

[@jonnyk4669]

@@katherinehague5053 It took a while, but i finally started moving forward. To this day he has still not broken his silence, but I now consider that a blessing.

[@katherinehague5053]

@@jonnyk4669 Aw I am so sorry. It most definitely is a blessing because you might have spent more time with him even and he is obviously messed up. What kind of coward ghosts after a year of dating?! I hope you are able to find someone amazing for you who treats you with love and respect!!!

[@msenekra6702]

Thank you for this video.... clarity on poor/bad behavior by weak, emotionally immature people...the hurt & confusion they create in their partner/other person that they were involved with. Experienced the receiving end of ghosting by a man...a tough lesson. Learned that it really was about him and his lack. Mahalo Nui Loa for your work!!

[@JadeC]

Ghosting someone is the most fucked up thing you can do someone who is in love you

[@Christie_MYTURN2324]

I always say upfront that I'd rather be hurt with the truth than pacified with a lie. I may not like what is said,but at least we can part respectfully.

[@amelittaberretta9109]

To be ghosted is terrifying and painful beyond words. It is a deliberate intent to hurt and have fun at someone else‘s expense, as well , subjected me to spooking and silent treatment for decades.

[@jasonlui]

I was ghosted when I told a girl how I felt about her and wanted to hang out with her to get to know her more as a person. Before this we had exchanged numbers and spoken on/off by text for about 2 -3 months and obviously the signs were looking good. When I did finally plucked up the courage to say I like you more than just a friend, she totally ghosted me and I was beating myself up about making the move and obviously destroying the relationship. I felt sad for a long time and learnt not to repeat that mistake again. I would question what I did wrong repeatly and to this day don't know what I did wrong. I just wish people were just more honest with their feelings and actually expressed it instead of using the ghosting and silent technique which just destroy's any connection or relationship

[@adj5767]

Please don't question or doubt yourself. Some people are just not up to snuff. But let me ask this: didn't you discover any inconsistencies at all in the 2-3 months leading up to that? Did you text instead of speak face to face about your intentions? Things to ponder...

[@RnBCutz]

The girl never liked you in the first place. She just liked the attention you gave her. Alot of women are like that. That is why you need to be direct and state your intentions from the start. That way you'll know if she is into you early on, so you don't waste time and mental energy.

[@skywalker847]

Seems guys need to be master manipulators to get along with women today.

[@SusanWinter]

YOu didnt' do anything wrong. Either way, it would have been the same outcome

[@adj5767]

@Alucard Belmont you're DEAD WRONG! Unless you're referring to loose women...

[@isabelcuevas5394]

“We need to call it out” yes we do 👏 love your work, Susan!

[@leahc8347]

Weak, poor communication skills and cowardly. *Wow. I'm so surprised. I really thought you had it all together. I thought you were a confidant person. And I'm stunned by the weakness Im experiencing here. Its very simple you say Im just not interested. Just an fyi for the future.

[@skywalker847]

The worst ghosts have someone else to manipulate you as some kind of punishment.

[@chamonix2602]

I've never been ghosted on internet, but often I'm ghosted to my face.

[@vickyvictoria7115]

Awful bloody behaviours out there. Thank you for helping us beautiful Lady xxx

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you for your support, Vicky!

[@Th3Fab3]

great video! Can't wait for window shopping. We're getting wiser in relationships because of your wisdom, Susan.

[@pumpkinspicegirrrl4014]

I went thru a major set back 2 years ago...your videos helped me so much!!!!! It was like talking with a friend!!💕

[@SusanWinter]

Hi Courtney. I love reading this! That's what I want you to feel. Yes, I'm here for you and you are a part of my KZbin family!

[@scorpiochic2]

Hi Susan, This is fabulous, thank you for covering this topic in-depth. I appreciate how you close it with the fact that they would have run you around in miserable circles plus just their basic lack of skills and thoughtfulness, all of what you said really brings your message home full circle ❣️🌺😘💙🌸

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you for your support, Terri!

[@juliekhyler9447]

Susan, you are awesome. Thank you for this... SO much better than other dating coaches on here! I love that you actually give solutions completely. Much love

[@SusanWinter]

You are too kind, Julie! Thank you so for your support. I've been asked many times about "bad behavior" (that's what I've called them). This will now be a weekly series, so make sure to watch out for next week's video!

[@sammielisabeth4928]

I don't see it as ghosting if you've just had one date with someone. There's minimal investment after just one date. There are people who just feel too awkward to be upfront about the lack of attraction when first meeting someone. I am someone who is upfront on first dates as I don't want to lead anyone on, but not many are like this, especially men. Men avoid confrontation like the plague. Ghosting is usually when you've been seeing someone and a connection is established, then they just disappear when everything feels like its going alright between you.

[@pandascoops]

Sammi Elisabeth after a week of that first one date tho, we kept talking, and after another week and a half, he blocked me on social media (w/c i eventually found out it was bc he figured i was talking to someone else and didn’t want to ruin it for me).

[@Feber2001]

@@pandascoops That's f'd up.

[@alext.9033]

You're not very considerate then lol

[@sammielisabeth4928]

@@alext.9033 What do you mean? I said that I'm upfront to ppl, unlike ghosters.

[@personjality]

Another fantastic live with valuable advices. THX SO MUCH for doing this

[@annieel3938]

How are you doing during lockdown, Susan? Hope you are ok beyond the screen. You are always taking care of us! We love you.

[@SusanWinter]

Hi Annie, You're so sweet! I am well, thank you!

[@thesecrettragedyclothingco7194]

I'm an artist and a musician and I love singing and my core is all about honesty. I've been a target my whole life. Most people just abuse that honesty. I see the lies easily and then they deal with an immovable object. Those covert narcissist are the worst tho. Living with a life time of lies is no place for an honest man. People like me turn pain into art. I thought my heart was truely weakened over so many years. I've studied hard and fast. I now feel closure over so many different aspects of my life. Knowledge truely is power. Good luck good people. Own your life. X

[@MartialArtUK]

Lots of nice things said. I've been watching since a relationship ended in lockdown. Good subjects on your channel people rude to me online when we been dating trigger me too much, apathy. Great word 🙏

[@ashrpblond]

omg ghosting is the absolute worst and it really messes with your mind. i could never do it to someone after going thru it but i probably have everyone beat and not learning i met this guy online and we talked every day then 2 weeks before christmas 3 years ago just out of the blue all contact stopped and i was a wreck he took down all social media got a new phone so i kept trying to figure it out but the best part is he played online ps4 with my son and that never stopped so everyday i am still hearing him play with him then my son was getting pist off at him but 3 days before christmas he callled and apologized he was "just feeling things he didn't want to feel" so we were ok again until the next december and sure as shit the same time bye bye..i got ghosted again this time the same thing a couple weeks but before christmas he called and i was forgiving but i think he could tell i wasn't jumping for joy to talk to him this time but over the months we got better again so here is thanksgiving rolls around and i text him and it didn't go through and i thought no way so i went on facebook and everyhting down again so at that point i was like screw this dude who does he thing he is im done he didn't contact me again until march and he was just like hi lol i deleted facebook i was tired of it and i didn't answer him then he called and we talked but things never got to the point where i was texting him or calling him..you can only push me so many times and once i cross the line of not caring anymroe that is it..and still all that time still everyday playing with my son up unitl this november he just out of the blue stopped coming on and then my son said the idiot ghosted me i think the call isn't going thru and i was like no you have talked to him for 4 or 5 years there is no way but nope sure enough he texted him a few weeks ago to tell him he was getting married and he wouldn't be on ps4 all my son said is mom come read this and my jaw dropped to the floor. he was not the man i thought he was at all and i should of learned the first time he ghosted me but me being me i wanted to believe he was sorry but i was dumb..if a guy has to ghost you he isn't a guy at all

[@SpeechlessVisualProductions]

Sorry, but this was actually a funny story. My RL girlfriend did this too with christmas. But the remedy is to be a few steps ahead and just do what you think she is doing but boost it up. So I dated like her sister, her best friends and even her brother's girlfriend. The thing is senorita, if people want to play, you play to win. So don't play to lose and complain afterwards.

[@anhpam9205]

You're absolutely correct about everything. Than you so much! Wish we knew this a long time ago!

[@lynnmarieanderson1744]

Susan, I've got to say that the way you come across is great!!! I read up about your background, and even though to my knowledge you don't have a degree in psychology or counseling, you are running circles around a lot of people who do, believe me!!!! You are an inspiration to me, I'm 49 and my life is really a mess right now, but when I watch your videos I'm saying to myself, there is a woman who has herself together. Much love from Michigan.💕

[@SusanWinter]

THANK YOU THANK YOU LYNN MARIE!!!!!

[@reemwe2727]

I admire your wisdome so much 💛 thank you for sharing it with us. I've learned from you (and still learning) how to set my mind correctly and wisely in relationships 🌼

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you for watching!

[@katarinak]

Fantastic! Bravo Susan!

[@kythrathesuntamer9715]

Every time it happens I am at the point where I am like Well Bullet dodged someone lacks the courage for confrontation and THAT sort of person and me will NEVER do. It's just that it's such an underhanded thing to do because it has the tendency of giving parties that don't really deserve the upperhand the upperhand people who HAVE NOT earned that sort of self reflection and it's enraging, I sense the manipulation from a coward who couldn't just communicate like normal people could.

[@minainmunda875]

There is so far one dating coach on KZbin, Susan Winter.

[@SusanWinter]

WOW!!! Huge thanks to you Minain!!

[@_mcknight]

That person who said they talked to that other person every day and also got together in person for 8 months and they suddenly ghosted them? That was my exact situation. Still trying to recover.

[@xamarabinet8231]

I arrived late because of work! Ugh! :( A week after ghosting me he just sent me ONE breakup text... blaming ME for the breakup! (Three sentences saying “I’ve changed” and saying the bad things I’ve done, and only a few words saying “I know what I’ve done wrong too”.) This feels terrible. 2.5 years down the drain!

[@SusanWinter]

I'm sorry to read of this breakup. And moreover, that you were put on hold for an entire week.

[@xamarabinet8231]

Susan Winter Thank you for your response, lovely Susan. Your videos have been of monumental help with coping and getting into the right mindset. I’ve discovered he’s a grade A covert narcissist by the textbook definition... He’s acting as if nothing hurtful happened. I’m trying to deal with this feeling of going to chase after him; I’ve lost myself after so much time. It has taken a great toll on my self-esteem. Many blessings to you, Susan. Keep being a wonderful woman.

[@Seattlegal2]

​Even though I’ve given up on finding a partner. I love listening and hearing your advice! So great and so much truth!

[@mariehaverty5809]

Hi Susan, first time listening. Love it out walking, beautiful sunny day. Thanks mx

[@rochelledavenport4054]

Thank you, I really needed this one. Not for romantic/dating reasons but because last year I was ghosted in a professional context by a woman who I admired tremendously, right after I had done her a small favour and she had enthused about us having a phone catch up. (We live in different states and had not seen one another in a while.) The catch up never happened, she never returned my call or so much as texted me a thank you. She is alive and well and continues to be extremely active on social media. Even though there was no love or romance involved, it stung as I held this person in high esteem, she holds a prestigious role in my field, and naturally one expects better of someone in such a position. Therefore I asked myself over and over if it was something I had said or done to suddenly make her act that way. I'm not perfect, but I could see no plausible explanation. The part about What to do if you see this person at a function was especially helpful for me, because this is is real possibility which I have contemplated. I have honestly never been angry about what happened, more so just disappointed and confused!

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you for dropping by, Rochelle!

[@EleviaBruce]

I love your channel! It's been so therapeutic for me. I met someone a few weeks ago. We started studying together for classes and talked for hours about lots of stuff. I thought our conversations were going very well, and I started to get optimistic about the possibility of a relationship from some of his comments. I invited him over to my house for a meal. He stayed for several hours and said he had a good time. Then, he abruptly stopped responding to my messages with no explanation. I tried to say hello in class, and he didn't even acknowledge me. I don't understand.

[@EleviaBruce]

Update: I found out from a found out from a friend that he actually had a girlfriend the entire time and did not tell me. Apparently, not all that glitters is gold.

[@AP-nf5mi]

Such an important topic. So painful. Thank you.

[@SusanWinter]

It can be a sore topic, but it's good to know the truth. I've been asked many times about "bad behavior" (that's what I've called them). This will now be a weekly series, so make sure to watch out for next week's video!

[@JemIsMyName-o]

I love you, Susan. This is really good advice. I feel so ready to go forward and prosper in love in large part because of you sharing your knowledge. Thank you!

[@fifi2421]

Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. I share an extremely similar mentality to you and sometimes it's just lovely to hear from someone else- always appreciate your insight and wisdom. I also wanted to let you know that 'Allowing Magnificence' is one of my favourite books.❤

[@SusanWinter]

Fifi, thank you!! Truly. I was delighted to read your comment. Lovely to have you here in my KZbin family

[@fifi2421]

@@SusanWinter I am glad to hear that, thank you.

[@praytrue]

i had a boyfriend ghost after 7 months being together.. very really emotional connection, we adventured together, very much apart of each other’s lives.. and then just bam. he couldn’t say a word. i was completely disillusioned! i knew things were beginning to feel off, but then it would get really good, and he just wouldn’t tell me about what was going on beneath the surface. two years later and i still find myself crying about it. ghosting sucks. i think he froze, knew how hard it would be for me. i appreciate this video very much, thank you.

[@adjoaosei87]

Susan’s advice to lay down rules about expectations for communication is very wise. However, I fear that implementing it on a first or second date would come off as ‘intense’. When I’ve tried to have discussions like that in the past, I’ve been criticised for not being ‘relaxed’ and not giving things a chance to develop ‘organically’. You just can’t win...

[@littleredhen8205]

That is how you know they are not your person. That is your cue to wish them well and say thank you NEXT!

[@Christie_MYTURN2324]

I totally relate with Lisa's comments. It's so unnecessary to be so cruel and immature to anyone, especially as grown adults. Even worse when it's from someone you've known from childhood. A good old helping of honesty is underestimated. It might hurt initially, but easier to get over.

[@AkaHeart1]

Oh Susan.....I’m so sorry I missed your LIVE SHOW!! I’m from New York and wanted to ask if you thought 💭 men are different state to state?? It seems the southern men have much charm and respect for women as compared ie., to New Yorkers? Now, you know I must put in my two cents since I’m talking on behalf of the older generation.....my advice to my girls is a quote of mine that works like a charm.....”The more you RESIST, the more they INSIST!” NEVER CHASE A MAN......PERIOD!! Thanks Susan for your expertise in handling relationships. I’ve learned so much from you and hope you get the same from our experiences! LOVE YOU GURL!! ♥️🤗♥️

[@SusanWinter]

Somewhere in Time One thing I love about New Yorkers is that you absolutely know where you stand with them. Because of the fast pace the city and the fact that it’s the biggest fish tank in the US, most New Yorkers don’t have time to play coy with how they feel about you. That’s not to say you can’t get fooled by a player. But more times than not I found New York City men to be direct. As for men via region: I grew up in the Midwest and still feel it has some of the nicest people around. The deep south as you mentioned is known for gentlemanly, polite behavior.

[@AkaHeart1]

Susan Winter Thanks for your personal reply. ♥️ Greatly appreciate how you interact with your viewers on a one to one basis and the main reason why you are very well respected! 💥🌟🌈✨🔥LOVE & LIGHT🔥✨🌈🌟💥

[@tuff47]

Hi Susan, Central Texas. Ghost victim.

[@maryisabel2115]

I needed this type of session today, I was ghosted for the 1st time in my life couple months ago, the ghoster is 41 y/o male,with a long criminal history and who knows what else,he was active on the dating app just 2wks after he ghosted me. There were red flags from the beginning so I did get warnings, I chose to ignore

[@aa-jm7js]

@@SpeechlessVisualProductions When someone says they look the other way it means they bypass all the signals/red flags. If you're looking straight on at someone then it means you're focusing/zeroing in on them (and all their flaws too). Are you "Backwards?"

[@heidihenderson4085]

Thank you, I also was ghosted by a man that I reconnected with and have known since I was a kid it had been over 10 years and he had come back into my life, we would go out together have a great time and then no answer...It didn’t make me feel good and my confidence dwindle when before I had felt high in the sky! It felt very uncomfortable especially since we were friends during childhood and a connection was there usually go with the feeling when I am around a person. I feel that my anxiety /worry over past relationships may have caused him to not answer back. I agree with what you talked about the lack of confidence in a straight up answer which I did say, I don’t like to be treated like that.. he replied right away with an excuse and wanted to meet up. Round 2 ghosting ... I am done now with him for my own sanity lol thank you so much for your video I found today, it made me feel empowered. ⭐️

[@nellie6657]

Thank you so much Susan! Love your videos they have helped me so much. Currently in a similar situation and yes it hurts. Was debating whether to call it out or just walk away silently. I believe honesty is so so important and was becoming discouraged because it seems like a lot of people I meet would rather run than speak their truth. I feel like I don’t belong to this dating scene lol. Yikes! Thank you again, many blessings!

[@erinangelheart3048]

You help me so much Susan!

[@MaryKayRanger]

Yes!! Ghosted? Be grateful!💙

[@joesandstrom4111]

Really struggling with this. Ghosting is the new norm. It’s either be alluring enough that you hook up that same evening, or risk little hope of follow through with a planned event. If you do hook up and have a great connection in the same evening or whether you don’t hook up the that night and manage follow through on a planned event some other night and things go well, there may be some initial back and forth of ‘it was a great time’, ‘it was hot’, ‘we should do it again’ before the loss of attraction and ghosting comes within weeks. There’s no solution. You call someone out on bad behavior, even respectfully, and then ‘you’ are labeled the jerk for ‘raining on the ghost parade’ and get tossed out like garbage, likely getting blocked. No one wants to be scolded. And if you just go no contact after being ghosted, there is no closure and you’re left wondering ‘what could have been’ or ‘what went wrong’ for eternity, unless there’s a miracle where they eventually get so lonely and miss that ‘fling’ that they happen to reach out, for a potential second round. After ghosting and prolonged no contact, why even give them another chance to do it again? Ghosting happens on either an intentional or subconscious level. There’s no way to get a solid and reliable answer, it’s too psychological for most to understand. The question generally goes ignored. Even the ghoster may not fully understand why they are doing it and may actually want to opposite, yet have their insecurities and fears blocking them. ‘An invisible enemy’. I’m sick of doing everything right and then being left alone and ghosted while scratching my head instead of going on dates, working through issues, having fun, hooking up, and continually enjoying the journey. I’m also tired of the casual hook-ups and the solo journey. It’s nothing more than the thrill of the hunt with endless options for women these days. They only want the hot thrill of bagging a confident, sexy, and mysterious guy, without any strings attached, so they can freely have that same thrill again and again. Most men get shunned and don’t have the skills to break the ice. Only high value men are selectors. Women hold the power and select the selectors, generally knowing they’re at risk of being replaced with someone new by a high value selector. Therefore, it’s easier and less risky to enjoy the fantasy once, getting validation that whatever they did was good enough for it to continue, and then simply go out on a high note with radio silence. Why kill the fantasy by leaving it open for it to go sour, when a good memory can remain... Very few women wish risking the experience of that initial hot connection fizzling out and feeling discarded or unwanted when it doesn’t pan out afterwards. Instead of the pressure of keeping up that expectation, and the risk of heartbreak, ghosting is the answer. They think they’re doing themselves and the guy a favor by leaving on a high note, while keeping options 100% open for another spontaneous thrill with another hot eligible bachelor. Of course, a lot of this also has to do with fear, insecurities, and rejection as well. Therefore, it’s not so black and white. All shades of gray in-between. Calling someone out on their obvious bad behavior these days, that’s viewed as unattractive “man-splaining”. The real world is not the Bachelor, where a girl will freely and openly date multiple suitors at once. The reality is a girl will go out looking to meet an attractive, mysterious and confident man, have some fun, hook up, slam the door and ghost him to be 100% available for the next bigger, better, deal (grass is always greener syndrome). Rinse, wash, repeat. This behavior is so common and runs so rampant now, that it kills all excitement or desire to make any attempts for dating and hooking up at all. In fact, it makes people start editing themselves right from the start and every new potential relationship feels like you’re on thin ice after the initial meeting. Your advice is really great Susan and I really appreciate everything you do. The harsh reality is that it solves nothing regarding the behavior, however. The advice won’t change a thing, it’s simply a coping mechanism. Courting is A+ game material only. Missteps or miscommunication and it’s 2 steps back with not much room for calibration. There’s also little room for risk taking or testing the waters. If sexuality is introduced, this can be well received or come across as unrefined and gross. Ghosting can also be a test, intentional or subconsciously, to see if and how you react to it. If you lash out, if you ignore it, if you’re left un-phased, if you put up with it, if you lose your composure, if you’re patient, if you’re inpatient, if you’re angry, or keep your cool, etc. Tests aren’t always purposefully imposed. It really seems best in every ghosting scenario to just take the stance that “silence is golden”. Having said all that, there are times I ghost family and immediate family for a few days or so, sometimes. Sometimes I don’t reply to a friend or colleague. Yet, this is only someone you just met and had one good time with. Likely they don’t know your backstory, nor you theirs. So, is it really that big of a deal to be ghosted once in a while? It’s really not that big of a deal and why would anyone care. The answer is to just walk away. Sometimes that’s much easier said than done...

[@transitionsnc]

Joe Sandstrom ~ I hope that you see this. This is one of the best insightful comments I've read on ghosting and modern day dating. I don't do online dating for this reason. Perhaps I will meet someone in my everyday life, perhaps not. But I refuse to put myself through this. Your observations are spot on. Everyone thinks men have it made and are in the driver's seat, but that's not really true as you point out. I'd say 10% of the alpha males and beautiful women ages 20-30 have some advantages, but there's no guarantee. Even in you're a young, beautiful woman, it's easy to get played. It takes time to get to know someone. There are no shortcuts. And in modern day dating, it feels like people don't really know each other. They are building a house of cards when it comes to sex/intimacy then they disappear when things get too difficult for one reason or another. As you mentioned, some just like that initial thrill then they disappear leaving you to hold the bag...it's so common these days. Regardless, I do my best to keep an open mind and open heart. All the best to you.

[@ncurra]

I love listening to your advice Susan thank you! 😊 London 🌈

[@SusanWinter]

Dear Nina, thank you!

[@kimberlydrak4681]

Good God you are a Godsend. I have been so blaming myself for not being good enough. These vids really help me open my eyes to the reality that I already knew..but I wanted to ignore. 🙏

[@marshall9886]

I really enjoy your videos. Learning a lot!

[@debbieshepherd5822]

Known this ghoster for 30 yrs!!! We text and talked on the phone for 5month and mete up and Bam!! He's goin. Broke my frecking heart!!

[@gretadelsorbo6266]

Thank you Susan. I’ve been dumped by my boyfriend of 2.5 year, he ghosted me for 1 month straight, saying that he had serious family problems... I was so in love that after that I continued to say that it was okay... and now he left me saying that “ it wasn’t right for me anymore, even if I love you “...

[@Claus1234]

As usual, wise points and Words 🙏🏻💙❤️

[@SusanWinter]

Hi Claus!! Thank you. BTW: you have a terrific website. I really like your work. Thanks for joining me here.

[@Claus1234]

@@SusanWinterthank you very much Susan! :)

[@hjtres7261]

I traveled 13 hours to spend New year's eve with him, upon his invitation. We laughed, cooked, watched football. A great time. I texted him when I got back home, he said he was glad I got back safe. I texted him, no reply. I checked my social media a few minutes later, he was gone. Blocked. Okay? I was left bewildered but got over it.

[@mmirkovich]

Love this

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you, Maria!

[@nicoletacherechesu1576]

Love youuuuuu!!!!!!you are awesome

[@LRaine73]

I was ghosted after 2.7 years. I asked for the relationship to level up from a situationship to something more solid. So instead he sat on it, stayed around a few months, went to LA, text back to me he was worried about me ( shelter in went into place two weeks prior), then he said he would see me soon as the lift was completed. Last thing he text “xoxo”, followed by a block. Who does this. The rudest thing ever. It was absolutely not acceptable behavior. Lies, lack accountability, disrespectful and extremely hurtful. Ghosting on a pandemic after an xoxo. It’s been 5 weeks, nothing. The hurt is now pissed, which is turning rapidly to disgust. Also he had the keys to my apartment, never gave me after I asked. I had to send a prepaid envelope to get them. Still not returned. There was constant communication. FYI.... i so needed this video.

[@npkrn6764]

I think ghosting is actually a worse pandemic than COVID-19. Honestly. There are definitely more victims!!! (I think I'm going to post this thought up top too!)

[@SusanWinter]

I'm sad to hear of your experience, Raine. I hope my videos are able to help you.

[@LRaine73]

Susan Winter they are, thank you. I just don’t get it but am trying to move on.

[@mikemaryniuk571]

You seem like a nice person....take it slow with people and ALWAYS judge their actions and not words. There are a lot of fraudsters outthere

[@TheLocoMariposa]

🥰Thank you! This helped so much. Everyone says I should say something to him…… I don’t feel it’s worth it. He knows he just stopped calling and texting. I don’t want to feel that need to feed his ego. Only dated 6 weeks… no sex…. But we agreed to only see and get to know one another. He was kind of pushy to be committed and change our Facebook status…. 🧐🤔🤔🤔i still can’t figure out why? I never changed it for him. Thank goodness I listened to my gut feeling.

[@khadijaejaz]

Frayed wires, I love that metaphor.

[@SA-bj8ut]

American living in Australia. Australian men have ghosting down to an art form.

[@SusanWinter]

Sorry to hear that

[@suzeb7005]

Hi, i am an Australian Female. Sorry to hear if you have been ghosted by "some" Australian Men but i must say, your comment about our Men here is not nice. No one likes a label & it's just not true. You just sadly have met, dated or been in a relationship with a few bad eggs. Of course we are all entitled to our opinion but please also think before labelling people as I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate it yourself. All the best from WA 🇦🇺

[@jacquinewman8125]

Hi Susan. I always revert to you, you have taught me so much. Thank you. It was a revisit to something I knew had potential. Nearly 3 months of bliss. Taking it a day at a time. Giving all good signs as well as some indication of feelings. I suggested a day of space and visited a friend during Corona. He was with his friends. There was a complete change in behaviour. It took me a week to analyze what I did. Now a complete back off. Don't think narcissistic, but H S P . Although said not ready for commitment, but was demanding and clingy himself. I'm baffled and sad.

[@SusanWinter]

Sounds like the 'distance dance' (my term for fragile egos in peril). I think he thought you were backing away, so he backed away preemptively. If you like this person think it's worth a shot, I would contact him and explain that new connections are fragileand oftentimes subject to misinterpretation and assumption. If you like him, say so. make it brief and to the point. If he distanced due to fear you didn't like him, now he knows the truth. What he does next will determine your next move

[@jacquinewman8125]

@@SusanWinter Oh my word, I was so shocked and thrilled to receive your response, thank you Susan. He has been contacting me with brief messages and I have been responding in the same time. It is very confusing when he asked for time to spend on his own. I fear the friend zone, yet I told him from the outset that I am not just his friend. My mindset now is that, although I miss him terribly, that he has actually lost me. I am rather angry and it's difficult to try any further if he's not in it. He also posted a photo of him and his ex wife, which would be fine, as they are friends, but the community had plenty to say which made me look stupid. I have told him that I believe we have something special and I will give him time and that I miss him, but that was before the photo. Another message this evening at 9.50. only saw it at 12. Nevertheless you are an extremely talented lady and all your advice is invaluable. Thank you so much for all you do.

[@vernefits1953]

Excellent video

[@donitaintheredwoods2889]

I confronted my ghoster, he flat out lied and said his dog had died. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 He haunted my FB for a week. Blocked him. Bye bye.

[@valeriewalker5831]

thank you sooooo much, Susan~

[@bedtimeclub]

There's ghosting, then there's polstergeisters!

[@noobfromhell563]

polsterghosters!

[@vaniasilva7016]

Hi Susan, its Vânia, from Brasil

[@vaniasilva7016]

I met a Guy online, he is not from Brasil. So we chatted for about 10 days by whatsapp. Everyday he was sending me msg telling his day and How bad he was about loosing a colleague from the vírus and some worries about health, blá blá blá. We chatted twice from vídeo call. Ué was Very Sweet and saying he was missing me, besides that he sent me a romantic Song. The last day o spoke tô him he sent me a msg telling about his day. When I responded the msg after few hours he wasn t there anymore. He had blocked me.

[@vaniasilva7016]

What do u think about that? At least he could have told me something.

[@maryisabel2115]

@@vaniasilva7016 it's worse after you go on couple dates in person, consider yourself lucky that it didn't go too far, but this experience is like a learning lesson, you get to see what people are capable of, it's unfair and hurtful, I would just try to meet someone in your town, at least you'll know where they live

[@chilloften]

Love listening. 💕💯🔥

[@sanaidavis7694]

You are absolutely amazing

[@sunnysmiles8211]

People do it because it’s easy to do, there’s no accountability later and they are usually passive aggressive, emotionally immature and/or are cowardly. It’s the cowards way out. Susan is correct when she says “you dodged a bullet.” It creates confusion and there’s no closure. Be glad you found out early.

[@jenlaird1gmail]

Great information

[@jossell911]

Thank you so much for this vid🙏🏿

[@victoriapettigrew5466]

Thank you SO much !

[@u311165]

23:00 yes. Thankyou Susan W.

[@alyssa4572]

so glad i’m not alone. where was this video three months ago?! thanks susan!

[@SusanWinter]

You are definitely not alone! I've been asked many times about "bad behavior" (that's what I've called them). This will now be a weekly series, so make sure to watch out for next week's video!

[@alyssa4572]

Susan Winter absolutely! love from nevada :)

[@zaraloveskoda]

92?! There’s noooo way. I absolutely thought 50s, wow!

[@SusanWinter]

Zaza...It's a joke.