Bill Burr - Advice: Wife's Family Reunion

billburr.com/

[@g07denslicer]

"I don't know how to say this eloquently: All this fucking bullshit, these cunty little-ass fucking things..." LOL

[@0412lennon]

Hooknosed Jack best part of the video right there I started busting

[@mudbert]

"if you were a good person, you would go to the game, get drunk and tailgate with me" lol

[@YouAlreadyKnowBabi]

"your dad gets a new colostomy bag, I'm not showing up for that - suzie fuckface is having a birthday party, I'm not going to it" lmao!!!!!

[@TheAgentmigs]

+BeatsByFern when he dropped the suzy fuckface part I lost it.

[@DiscoMatty79]

+Agent Migs me, too.

[@Vaporvice84]

"I know your family lives right around the corner but this is MY FUCKING HOUSE!!!" XD

[@anthonychaparro3443]

"I don't like the color of their plates." Lmao I'm usin that one

[@bradsteiner1322]

I was married for 15 years to a super cool lady before she sadly passed from cancer in 2011. Her family was ginormous. Like 9 Aunts and Uncles, and that was just on her mother's side. My wife knew my family was very small and were fairly anti social. I would do Christmas and Thanksgiving and the occasional odd trip with her. Thankfully she never pulled the pouting card on me when I said "Have fun. I'm not going." I'm quite positive that simple gesture added years to our marriage. Her mother drove me absolutely batty.

[@DeepBlueAbyss]

what comedian would recommend you do NOT go to his show in order to maintain a functional life?? much respect Bill !

[@michaelsieger9133]

A successful one

[@doshinall]

"This ticky-tack fucking horseshit...that's all you. I'm not going", Hilarious.

[@NirvanaKC001]

You just got advice from your favorite comedian about not being able to see your favorite comedian. Fucking inception man.

[@AndyHoward]

"This is what they do.... This is what they do....."

[@DiscoMatty79]

As much as I eventually want to be married, after listening to his podcasts, I'd rather be single than go to Suzy Fuckface's bday party.

[@PathovSeth]

that part was hilarious as shit!

[@mau4604]

His imitation of a woman’s “good, thank you” always gets me 🤣🤣

[@composed7515]

2:41 bill just lets one rip LOL

[@UnadvisableCloud]

Lolol bill burr is so funny. I love how he's like the last survivor like ripley from alien.

[@swamp9136]

Nia's concern is legit how the hell you going to be married to Bill Burr and not bring his ass along to entertain everybody

[@strickca991]

It's now 2019. $10 says this marriage has already ended haha.

[@virenvs905]

Lol. Or he surrendered and decided to go to all of suzie fuckface's birthday parties .lol

[@russelthorpe3601]

I 2nd that

[@PilloTheStar]

Even if you win that bet, your wife is gonna take half of that $10 when she divorces you.

[@westxlcr]

Biggest mistake this guy made was getting married at 25.

[@joseturner3676]

Wow! You said it! I have three male friends who got married at 25 and were divorced before the age of 30. And all of them experienced everything this guy did, word for word!

[@trolltothebank]

23 m8! He said married 2 years at 25

[@jackrockwell6698]

“At 25” isn’t even necessary to make your statement true

[@ryanralph7494]

Yep, married at 21 was divorced at 27. Lesson learned early. Dont get married. The chance of it lasting forever is not worth the risk of the possible end game. Lose all your shit...but I got my kids 50% of the time so no support is paid. I was lucky and won the main battle in the divorce. Keep your head on a swivel gentleman. Women will drop you so fast AND fuck up your life when she ain't getting worshipped anymore. They only care about their happiness, not yours. Notice how women rate how good the relationship based on her happiness? They could give a fuck of you sacrifice happiness for them. Fuck em and dont marry em

[@MRJTD99]

@@ryanralph7494 Jesssssssus man, you got married at 21? Aaaaaand had kids? How the hell did you afford that? She must've had you messed up something fierce.

[@JeffersonDinedAlone]

No other comedian, anywhere, makes me nearly piss myself. Burr is that good.

[@annewedell2238]

I'm a woman and agree with you 100%. You get to a point where I feel I don't want to waste my time with people other than those I love, specifically my children.

[@TV-Tony]

"Suzy Fuckface is havin a birthday party, I'm not goin to it. I'm stayin home and I'm watching the game" Another great line by Burr and another good idea for a screen name here on KZbin.

[@jeffren70]

My wife kept making me go to weddings when I first met her. They were people she worked with or very old friend she never saw or talked about. After about 5 of them I told her I was not going to go to any more unless I actually knew the person being married. It worked out nicely.

[@CultOfBlackPhillip]

I enjoy Bill 'Almost Phillip' Burr

[@joshleija9157]

I feel like he turn around and screamed at a thw door when he said as I quote “ THIS IS MY MF HOUSE “ as if he was screaming it to his wife 😂😂😂😂😂

[@nastynate1042]

That's what I thought too. But then later on he almost admitted that the only reason he screamed it like that was because she wasn't there.

[@slippingjimmy1415]

"Suzy Fuckface" OMG I started crying! 😂

[@shizu-chan3942]

6:07 LMAAAAAAAAAAO CLASSIC BILL RANT

[@adrastea]

just saw ol' bill last fuckin night in denver. lots of great new shit. hes the best living comic.

[@hoze1235]

the life coach bill burr

[@redscarecomixx8488]

You're dad gets a new colostomy bag-----Love it Bill.

[@chriscarter4563]

Wow. He actually told the guy not to come to his show. I'm impressed lol

[@Friendofmine377]

"If you were a good person you'd go to the game and get drunk me!" Hahahahaha

[@dylankane9709]

This is some legit advice.

[@patrickbevelock2171]

This advise is priceless

[@wocathoden]

we never ask them to go to a god damn thing!

[@intouch8789]

Bill Burr is like a "fuck it I'm confident now" pill for men lol.

[@jmaj4521]

Bill Burr what a fucking guy...

[@crazytrain7721]

I stopped doing things I don't want to do. I'm happier now! Guys, lie if you have to, just get out of as much as you can!

[@peteranon8455]

Oh my, yes. It took me so long to figure out that it's okay to straight-faced lie to my girlfriend if I don't want to do something. My current girlfriend looks right back in my eyes and calls me out, gotta love her, but she still doesn't make me go. On a three day family reunion, you get separate plane tickets, and make sure you're there for 1 solid day, while she can stay for 3. If she doesn't think that's enough, go to the family reunion and hit on her sisters and cousins. Make it as bad for her as it is for you, until she never invites you around her family again.

[@MRJTD99]

@@peteranon8455 That sounds like a horrible plan.

[@RiggidyDiggidyRaw]

George R. R. Mountain Most of the people commenting on this vid have absolutely no family values. Shitty morals in general

[@beezusHrist]

That relationship sounds like hell to me

[@GBSLiveMusic]

Dr. Bill! lol

[@bluesquirrel3919]

Excellent answer

[@clay7182]

If someone invites me to their wedding I'm gonna say put it on Skype and ill join haha

[@conan626]

he hit the nail on the head major events are cool but not every single fucken thing it's supposed to be 50/50 and Bill is correct when he said pick your battles when deciding what is what

[@nameissturdy1390]

Your dad gets a new colostomy bag, (I’m not going to that.) Holy crap, pardon the pun, but how quickly his mind works just amazes and cracks me up.

[@el1061]

love you buttons HaHahhhh! priceless

[@onie4024]

Yup, I had the same situation, and it's really not his fault. The problem is because early the relationship, the guy was too receptive to attend every single family event, whether big or small...now she thinks he did it because he enjoyed it when it was nothing but him trying to win her over. I'm like 20 years deep in my relationship, and barely attend shit unless it's holidays...the key is to set yourself on a rigid weaning process.

[@jasonswanson6770]

"Do we ever ask them to go to shit?" No... no we do not, thats the opposite of what we want.

[@ManUntdForever]

100% agreed.

[@gideon9849]

Lol just go to the reunion and spend the extra cash to see bill somewhere else and take your wife. She might learn a thing or two ;)

[@TV-Tony]

"Love you buttons"

[@TheTurinturumbar]

Dude, a three day reunion? You could do both.

[@sheeplols]

Amen!

[@sahilvig22]

6:09😂😂💥

[@sparky7718]

Your dad got a new colostomy bag ? I ain't goin' to that.

[@vinterskog]

If "family comes first", don't get married to anyone. Because nobody wants to marry someone to come second in their life.

[@fightingmedialounge519]

So their family should come second?

[@RandomCarrot2806]

To their spouse? Yeah. When you marry someone that means you are making a commitment to put them first in your life, you know, the whole forsake all others thing.

[@victortorres]

I’m dating for 7+ years and I feel bad getting the guilt trip for not wanting to visit family with her. I say go visit and have fun, but get in trouble.

[@Telepathic_Snail_Overlords]

@@fightingmedialounge519 yes.

[@RiggidyDiggidyRaw]

Your parents must be so proud! U get married and choose your spouse over the people that raised u and love u unconditionally. Sorry mom! My girl wants us to do some dumb shit and ur second place now! So sorry!

[@dominick253]

I will go to one thing a year. Learned really quickly nothing good comes from hanging out with the inlaws. All of this jokes about the subject rushed back to me after the first family reunion. Never again.

[@99Fishing_]

Yeah i can feel where this guys coming from

[@setinahugh9182]

Thank heaven I died when I was 17 yrs old. I was prepared for this shit. Mr. Hunky

[@MoonlightSnowPhantom]

fuckin genius... FUCKIN GENIUS

[@kennyaoj]

Wise

[@NOOKnookCROOK]

And I love you too buttons

[@Tatti12321]

Why do the Brits and American hate their families? Coming from an Italian family, cousins and grandparents are as close as your own siblings and parents. I find it insane that anyone would be pissed off at their presence.

[@w00tw00t4l00t]

+Battam We choose our free time companions, it is nice you like your family but not everyone is the same.

[@pretorious700]

Because we have no patience for assholes, family or not.

[@Tatti12321]

charles brace I'm Australian with Italian descent, how did you know I was an Aussie just like you?

[@Dplaysitcool]

That's fine when it's your own family. But not fucking someone else's!

[@marlonmoncrieffe0728]

@charles brace Yeah, it is fine if they like their family but you do not have to shame us for thinking otherwise.

[@heiveldboy]

I have a fantastic tactic to make sure my family NEVER ever wants me around on family reunions. Act like a dick for a few times and they'll leave you alone for the rest of eternity.

[@meerak7973]

aaaaaaaaaaaaand she will meet some guy who get invited and get her arse exploded and everytime you wont be there she is gonna get it..

[@staticage]

lmao!!!

[@laudanum669]

I dated a Italian girl and then let her move in. Then it started, she came from a large old school Italian family. Sunday's were dinner at her parents with the WHOLE family at 1 PM. At first no problem, she still made hot. 5 months later first game of the season for my Vikings. I said "No" She left to go visit a friend 3 days later. I called and said "I don't know when your'e coming back, but can't come here}. P.S. All they did at dinner was fight and yell.

[@ViburaBlanca]

laudanum669 Lmao

[@AbsentBabyDaddy]

That’s the most Italian thing I’ve heard

[@goodriddance86]

Susie F*ckface is having a birthdayparty, i'm not going to...... I laughed so hard..... xD

[@wolfmcblack5974]

She only has one life, just like he does, and he chose to spend it with her, not the whole fucking family. I agree with Bill here, go to the major ones to keep her happy and miss Suzy Fuckface's parties to keep his sanity. It's a win-win situation. PS: Being from Portugal, where the chance of seeing Bill live is like 0.1%, there's no way in hell I would miss it... And Bill's acts are usually 90 minutes, so I think her family wouldn't (or at least shouldn't) mind if I take that time for myself. It's not like it's the whole fucking weekend. I would join them after the show to watch Little Tom Locomotive build his first website or whatever these kids are doing nowadays...

[@DKsparks13]

i think he should go to the show, and then haull-ass back

[@JimmyKlien1]

tell them to put it on skype

[@heiveldboy]

Neither have I. :D

[@thepeadair]

If the reunion was for 3 days what's the big deal about not being around for one single night?

[@bingbashbosh1]

Fuck I'm glad to be single

[@american_warrior724]

Yeah, u gotta go to her family reunions. Women are very family oriented. It's the most important thing in their lives. U gotta go. It sucks, but gotta go n keep her happy

[@wolfmcblack5974]

You keep her happy while being miserable yourself? I don't think so, mate. She only has one life, just like he does, and he chose to spend it with her, not the whole fucking family. I agree with Bill here, go to the major ones to keep her happy and miss Suzy Fuckface's parties to keep his sanity. It's a win-win situation

[@doubletspodcastify]

Do you have to go to everything with your wife? No, the answer is no

[@lukeedwards5457]

hello

[@surferdjnj]

Friend Dad tells the wife, no nothing in Summer, we Canyon fish all summer, period.

[@dylanmason4235]

He doesn't ever post the links to the follow up so here it is The lady killed him. He's dead now. He should not have said anything, should have just listened and kept his head down, and he would still be alive that's what happened, it was in the news and you can look it up.

[@Lars_Paulsen]

Hey Bill. You should take payment for this :)

[@bluesquirrel3919]

It's $1.00 per 1000 views

[@michaelmiller7909]

Why can't people be fucking adults and just say what they want? My wife and I have no problem telling each other we don't want to do something or we don't give a shit. I can enjoy myself and she can not be miserable and vice versa. Guess I'm lucky.

[@paulbirtles4544]

I'm not going to that because that will make me miserable and I only want to be happy with you. that's the best thing I ever heard, how can she argue with that,

[@mr7wi]

Ripping up the invitation doesn't work Bill - they're just gonna call when you don't rsvp

[@imaginationastronaut6568]

Lmfao there isn't a woman in the United States who wouldn't shame a man and cry if he said he was going to the show instead. I'm so glad I'm strong enough now to choose the break up vs breaking my desires. If a woman isn't my Leiutenant then this General is recruiting

[@jordanshore838]

You could hit her with the old, You love your family so much? Marry one of them! Oh wait...

[@ManUntdForever]

Well we're now down to 10 men. WTF Nani?!

[@robbnoble1509]

He needs to move. Even if its 15 minutes away it will make a huge difference. Dude is Deborah in everybody loves Raymond right now.

I don't get how everyone gets a girlfriend. been with more than a couple of girls, didn't realy love one to date :V my bad back in school I did loved 1 but i was a noob

[@killman369547]

rjust tell her how it i and if she don't like it then theres the door and don't let it hit ya on the way out cause i don't want ass prints on my door

[@soco13466]

I don't like the color of their plates... Good one. What would drive me crazy would be, if they were the kind who are proud of serving disgusting food, like stinky cheese. I have "cheeseophobia," the fear that, in polite company, I might have to gag thru a meal ruined with godawful cheese stench.

[@shrapnel77]

f

[@bananian]

Why is family reunion so weird and dreadful in the west?

[@ves704]

V

[@alyssaweems7640]

Guys in these comments are brutal!

[@gregthompson4373]

Classic female manipulation tactics right there 😂