Compare and Despair: How to break the cycle and feel more self-confident

Today we’re tackling the universal struggle of comparing ourselves to others. Whether it’s about body image, social status, or relationships, comparison can have a negative impact on our mental health, leading to a cycle of insecurity and self-doubt.
In this episode, we’re looking at how to break the cycle and actually re-frame it for your personal development. Join us as we dive into how to compare consciously and mindfully, transforming it into a tool that actually serves you instead of tearing you down. Some of the topics covered today are:
◾Knowing who we compare ourselves to and why
◾Instagram, TikTok, and social media - and its impact on your self-esteem
◾Self-worth and self-confidence
◾Mindfulness and deliberate thought work
◾Stories we tell ourselves about other people’s success
◾How to break the cycle of compare and despair
◾Tearing others down as an attempt to find comfort
Join us for an informative episode where we’ll break down practical strategies for breaking free from the compare-and-despair cycle so you can find more peace and self-assuredness.
Today's Hosts:
MATT LANDSIEDEL - www.mattlandsi...
MICHAEL DIIORIO - www.wellismo.com/
SELF-CONFIDENCE WORKSHOP:
wellismo.ck.pa...
00:00 Introduction
05:37 Who Do You Find Comparing Yourself To And In What Ways
09:16 My Soul And My Ego
12:52 Compare And Repair
17:23 Comparison Serves A Purpose
18:41 Social Media Success
22:02 Feeling Insecure
26:36 Developing Resilience To The Pattern Of Compare And Despair
30:39 Comparison Is The Thief Of Joy
33:06 Separate Out The Person From The Accomplishment
40:32 Outro
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ℹ️ ABOUT: Gay Men Going Deeper is a podcast and KZbin channel about personal development, mental health and sexuality.
HOSTS:
MATT LANDSIEDEL - www.mattlandsi...
MICHAEL DIIORIO - www.wellismo.com/
RENO JOHNSTON - itjustgotreno....
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This is a conscious community for gay men to connect with each other on the journey of healing from shame and becoming more authentic and aligned to their truth. We aim to offer inspiration, support, connection, healing, and a safe space to show up just as you are. Our vision for the members is to learn to feel more comfortable showing up vulnerably so deeper intimacy can be established in our community. We dream of a gay community where everyone can feel more connected to one another in more ways than just superficial and we can feel less lonely and have deeper connections to one another.
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[@Steven2480]

Man, oh man, did I find this episode at a much needed time. 😅 Thank you for such an insightful and comforting discussion. It genuinely made me feel a lot better and not so alone.

[@mattorero]

The topics you guys touch on are so spot on. Thanks so much for sharing!

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Thank you! It means a lot to know the topics are hitting home. We're grateful to share and appreciate your support!🥰

[@SamiLoft]

Thank you 🙏🏻

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Thank you for watching.

[@giordanocioni7749]

Love you so much guys. Thank you for your tireless work & service to the community. You are the ones I look up to.

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Thank you so much for your kind words! It means the world to us to know that our work resonates with you. We're grateful for your support and are honored to be a part of your journey. Sending you lots of love right back! 💖🌈

[@gw6482]

I definitely feel grateful when I hear that people like you two, who I admire so much, are still working on this, it makes it so much easier for so many of your listeners to stay motivated. I’ve said this before, I do it endlessly, it’s exhausting, but gradually I’m getting better at it. I’ve detected many velvet rage patterns, so yeah, just keep moving forward. Xoxo

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Thank you so much for your kind words! It means a lot to hear that our journey helps keep you motivated. It’s definitely exhausting at times, but recognizing those patterns, like the velvet rage, is such a big part of healing. You’re making progress, and that’s what matters. Keep moving forward-we’re right there with you! 💪✨ Xoxo

[@neutralmultiverse8589]

I love your conversations so much! I'm curious-do you guys have an unspoken code or understanding for how to engage with each other? Is it because of your professional relationship that there's always so much mutual respect and understanding? It's so refreshing to see a dynamic that’s never combative but always respectful. I have very close friends I've known for almost 30 years, and I wish I could engage with them in the same way. Even though we don't tear each other down, I often feel misunderstood, even by my closest friends, to the point that I've started isolating myself as I get older.

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Thank you so much for your kind words! We think a lot of our dynamic comes from a place of shared experiences and a real commitment to open, honest communication. We’ve definitely built trust over time, and while we might not always agree, the mutual respect keeps things grounded. It’s tough when you feel misunderstood, especially by close friends, and it makes sense why that could lead to some isolation. You deserve to be seen and heard for who you are. Maybe it’s about finding new ways to bring more vulnerability into those friendships-it’s not easy, but it can open up deeper connections. Sending you love as you navigate this! ❤

[@neutralmultiverse8589]

@@GayMenGoingDeeper Thank you so much! Yes, over the years, I've realized that my vulnerability with friends has often been a mix of trauma bonding, oversharing, and emotional dumping. I've found that being vulnerable can sometimes come back to bite you, as it may unintentionally communicate low self-worth. People, as humans, tend to categorize each other-sometimes unknowingly-based on perceived worth when they learn certain things. So, I'm working on finding new ways to be vulnerable without signaling low self-worth. But it's so hard!

[@franccci]

This episode really resonated with me, perfect timing. Thank you for making it❤️

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

We're so glad to hear that it resonated with you! 😊 Timing really is everything, and we’re happy it came at the right moment for you. Thanks for listening!💕

[@sigorkon]

Loved this podcast and the energy between you two. So interesting, dynamic, and deep. I wish there were more episodes just with the two of you

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Thank you so much! We’re thrilled you enjoyed the dynamic-it’s always great when the conversation flows like that. We appreciate the love, and who knows, maybe we’ll do more episodes together in the future! 😊

[@htarceno]

I am impressed with how down-to-earth y'all are

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Thank you so much! We really appreciate that. We're just being ourselves, and it means a lot to know that resonates with you. 😊

[@kso808]

As I’ve gotten older, I don’t really compare myself to others as much. Other values tend to supercede those we had when were younger. The only way I might still compare others to myself might be that younger folks don’t have the wisdom and experience that I’ve accumulated up to now, and maybe I’m setting an example of what one can attain.

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

That’s such a great perspective! It’s amazing how our priorities shift as we get older, and there’s real power in the wisdom that comes with experience. Setting an example for younger folks is something to be proud of-it's a gift to be able to show what’s possible with time and growth.🥰

[@carlorizzo827]

Guys! N8CE! Brilliant & warm. Loved "Compare & repair". Laughed at "In which areas..." 🦕 For me, it's grieve. C & D are cover-up for sadness from loss. Grieve creatively 🕊

[@carlorizzo827]

Duh should be NICE

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Thank you so much! We're glad 'Compare & repair' resonated with you and that you found some laughter too! Grieving creatively is such a powerful idea-honoring that sadness in a way that helps heal. Sending you lots of love on your journey!🤩😍

[@htarceno]

Thank you

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Thank you, we appreciate your support!💕

[@LloydA23]

Frankly, I do not compare myself to anyone because I know better than to do so. But what I often do is take inspiration from successful gay men like you two.

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

That’s such a great mindset! It’s inspiring to hear that you focus on your own path while drawing inspiration from others. Thank you for the kind words-it means a lot to us!❤

[@rahil5989]

I want to connect with other gay men, I am struggling with self-acceptance. I want people for conversations, I am from India.

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Thank you for sharing that. It’s great that you're seeking connection-self-acceptance can be such a tough journey. Sending you lots of love from here to India!😍 You may want to join our Facebook community, here's the link: facebook.com/groups/gaymensbrotherhood

[@Phin-e2s]

a therapist said that same sex attraction and sex activities are mechanism to fulfill your adequacy in male identity and healthy male bonding emotions you lack in childhood or teenagers time. It lies deeper than just pure lust. What do you think ?

[@allenmaa7064]

Which therapist? Please always share citations. It’s important in this era of misinformation, disinformation, and very helpful for intellectual honesty? Based on what I understand about this theory - I don’t think there would be any straight men at all. Inadequacy in ‘male identity’ has created the involuntary celibacy (incel) movement, is responsible for the podcast revolution of the manosphere, a surge in misogyny and femicidal violence everywhere. Lack of “healthy male bonding” is the reason that straight men are lonely and suicidal in all surveys. And who can be more lustful than the straight man. There are two sides of the internet with equal power and profit - the one that civilization runs on and Pornography. What do you think?

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Thanks for sharing that perspective! It’s definitely an interesting way of looking at it, though we think same-sex attraction can be complex and unique for everyone. For some, it’s tied to deeper emotional needs, while for others, it’s simply who they are. We believe it’s important to honor whatever feels true for you without reducing it to one explanation. What are your thoughts on it? 🌈

[@Phin-e2s]

because I know that one case doesn't fit all but it is easier for someone with born this way acknowledgement.

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

@@Phin-e2s Thank you for sharing your thoughts! It’s true-there’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to understanding same-sex attraction, and everyone’s experience is so personal. The "born this way" acknowledgment can offer validation for some, but we totally understand how it might feel different for others. What matters most is embracing what feels right and true for you. As Oscar Wilde said, "Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."🥰