Counsel for Wives with Harsh Husbands

[@Arcanon10]

Harsh is just a euphemism for abusive. Men who are cruel, rude, unjust, domineering, or abusive in any way (physically, sexually, emotionally, mentally) to their wives are pathetic, wicked fools. I immediately question a person's salvation if they are abusive. D.L. Moody said, "if a man doesn't treat his wife right, I don't want to hear him talk about Christianity." Indeed, if the Lord so works in His providence that a man is blessed with a wife and he proceeds to treat that blessing with contempt, cruelty, abusiveness, and wickedness, he is not a man of God. God will judge him ... and gloriously so. And to my sisters in Christ, do not suffer abuse. Get help ... the church, your family, the police. Keep searching for help until God provides a person or people to help you. You are a slave to Christ alone ... not to anyone else.

[@jamieman_7914]

Salvation is on going. As soon as you choose to follow Christ, you don't become perfect. Have you ever been harsh with anyone?

[@Arcanon10]

@@jamieman_7914 The process of sanctification is certainly an ongoing process that will not reach its completion until the believer stands in the presence of the Lord in heaven. So yes, your point is well taken. All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God and that truth most certainly applies to believers who have been saved by Christ. I am not saying that an abusive man cannot become saved. I am not saying that a saved man cannot have moments or tendencies that are abusive. Being an abuser is not the unpardonable sin. That being said, a Christian man is called to love his wife as Christ loved the church. And what did Christ do for the church? He sacrificed Himself for His church. The cross of Christ is the standard of a Christian husband. Treating one's wife abusively in ANY way is a horrific betrayal not only of her trust but also of God's calling for a Christian man as a husband. A man who is abusive emotionally, mentally, verbally, spiritually, and especially physically is demonstrating a level of wickedness that is severe and requires a severe response by those who discover the truth of his abusiveness. Am I saying such a man cannot be redeemed and forgiven? Of course he can. But if being abusive is part of his life while claiming to be a Christian, I have serious doubts. I know I sound extremely jaded and to that charge I plead guilty. I have seen the horrid and ruinous consequences of physical, emotional, verbal, and sexual abuse on women in my life that I know and care deeply for. You asked me if I am ever harsh with anyone. Rarely, is the honest truth. But when it comes to abusers, I will readily admit that there is exists in me a harshness that borders on violence. I hate bullies. I hate those who hurt others. I know the Lord calls us to "be angry but not sin" and that "vengeance is His, not ours," and that we should not "fret over evildoers." The Lord must help me in this, admittedly. Thank you for the conversation, friend.

[@rachellebrooke4614]

Leslie Vernicks’ book The Emotionally Destructive Marriage goes into great depths on this issue

[@PaulBurdo]

Come on guys… Knock it off! You know she’s not talking about an occasional deviation from righteous humility, but an unrepentant characterological, narcissistic husband who does not confess his harshness, and does not ask what he can do to take responsibility for the harm he’s done, and he does not take any steps of repentance… Like many husbands they blow it off as just an area they need to grow in! And that kind of sounds like what your position is!

[@PaulBurdo]

@@jamieman_7914 The issue really has nothing to do with being harsh, but whether we acknowledge such horrific sin, and THEN confess such horrific sin, and then repent from such horrific sin, and then ask , “what can I do”…NO… BEG “What can I do… To begin to take responsibility, and reparation for my horrific wickedness!

[@Paige-Turnner]

I'm eternally grateful for my gentle husband. God blessed me with a really sweet man. ❤️

[@AdventureSMBW]

What a wonderful thing to hear!

[@mmichy]

That is wonderful ❤️ I pray for the same blessing!

[@JerubbaalgodSlayer]

@@mmichy me too!🇨🇦

[@Romans-10-9-13]

He probably has low testosterone.

[@jojersey4081]

This is great advice. It's so easy to talk about an abusive husband but Pastor John is right. Having an abusive husband, when you know he isn't saved, to follow him. I would say, for a narcissist husband, compliments aren't a good idea to give to him.

[@izaswierczynska6618]

Is there any hope to a marraige with a narcissist?

[@adamslaura768]

@@izaswierczynska6618 there is hope with God. God must change the heart of a narcissist. Otherwise no

[@jojersey4081]

@@izaswierczynska6618 Only with God

[@izaswierczynska6618]

@@jojersey4081 I've been praying for him for over 20 years now :(

[@carawadley317]

@@izaswierczynska6618 check out Sheila Wray Gregoir and Andrew Bauman. And ask yourself if God values the institution of marriage more than the people in it?

[@branlan895]

can you guys pray for my aunt she needs a liver transplant, shes not doing so good. God bless.

[@xavierthomas5835]

The Lord shall give her her needs according to his riches in glory, by Christ Jesus.

[@savedbygrace6108]

Praying for her🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@Howzernn]

How's she doing?

[@maxaplin4204]

That's a good point about not saying 'you always do this', when pointing out someone's faults.

[@Fabreezecat101]

“But those who marry will have many troubles in this life.” (1 Cor 7:28) “He who marries does right but he who does not marry does better.” (1 Cor 7:38)

[@JerubbaalgodSlayer]

@Carlos94 Amen that *is* the word!🇨🇦

[@grambina786]

I think the key is to have a high view of God and a ‘low’ view of self. It is opposite of what society tries to convince us of. If the world promotes it, question it. God’s word is true, but you have to read it and ask God for understanding! If we are truly saved then we know what Jesus went through for us to be saved and what we were saved from. If God can do that for you, then he can do that for your spouse. The question is, do you love God enough to honor your commitment to your spouse and to get the help he/you need to honor that commitment you made before God? Marriage is not easy for anyone and it takes a strong resolve to grow your own faith in the one true God and to stop looking to the world for answers! I’m thankful for solid Pastors like this who rightly divide God’s word and for the means to hear this timely word! Thank you Pastor John!

[@PaulBurdo]

Any man who teaches such a low view of a woman who is being abused, does not, DOES NOT…, have a high view of God!… Not to mention that he certainly doesn’t have a low view of himself! What hypocrisy!

[@PotterSpurn1]

This kind of patronising churchy advice can be so damaging when coming from someone who leans too heavily on The Bible as a catch all solution to all kinds of marital issues that may require outside input to truly understand the nature of the issues at hand. The Bible is an essential tool for the Christian life, but it is not a manual for every kind of situation regarding every sphere of life - including marriage - otherwise we would refer to it to change a tyre on our cars too. It is true that some men are harsh toward their wives occasionally, but if their overall countenance is good and something happens that changes that temporarily, I would say Pastor John's advice is just fine. There would be little point in a wife (or a husband of an abusive wife) provoking further anger and anguish by making demands likely to fuel discontent, anger and stress when a gentle solution and understanding countenance would achieve so much more. Wisdom is important to exercise. But if we are dealing with a persistently abusive emotionally stunted narcissistic husband who is entitled in manner and attitude and believes his wife should take what he throws at her verbally, without answering him back or complaining and also manipulates her into compliance by dredging up 'submissive wife' passages from the Bible, we are talking about spousal abuse - potentially a criminal offence if it involves coercive control too. The verse that Pastor John referred to in the book of Peter would not work at all on someone who is narcissistic. They would see their wife's 'gentle spirit' as a flashing green light to continue abusing her all the more. Furthermore, in no way does the Bible endorse this kind of persistent spousal abuse or the breaking of the law. Yet Pastor John doesn't address this at all. In fact, his advice seems to be a 'one size fits all' answer that presumably applies to the harshest and cruellest narcissist who believes his wife is simply there to service his needs and wants, to a good, kind and considerate husband who is a godly husband but, like any human being, occasionally snaps or is rude because he was made redundant today, had a bad day and therefore displays a short temper out of character to what he is normally like, which is godly and considerate and not typically harsh at all toward his wife. The type of husband who sees obeying God's commands to be taken seriously. A wife will know which category her husband fits. Furthermore, we need to think of the example parents send to children. If boys frequently see their father's abusing their mothers - verbally or physically - they will grow up normalising this type of behaviour. Girls will feel inferior and undermined too if they see their mothers being treated like physical or verbal punchbags by their fathers. In no way does God endorse this kind of behaviour and Pastor John should not imply that a husband's abuse is somehow controllable by his wife's conduct, where he clearly infers that a bad husband really stems from him having a faulty wife who can't conduct herself in a suitably godly fashion and should make more effort to do so to miraculously school her husband into better conduct. She is her husband's wife, not his keeper. He is responsible for his own behaviour, she isn't. In this podcast we never find out the finer details of how the husband is being harsh, which would have been useful to know. If I were in an abusive marriage with my husband, to the point where I felt my gentle spirit was getting me nowhere, I think my church would be the last place I would turn, especially if it were one that favours and condones complementarianism. Being Godly is about truth, strength and exercising wisdom and protecting the vulnerable just as much as it is about following rules and roles obediently as if that takes precedence over everything else. Sometimes self preservation and protection is the most obvious and most godly thing to do, especially when children are involved. Children are shaped by seeing how their parents treat each other and for a Pastor to presume that children are resilient and are not badly affected is completely wrong. We owe it to ourselves and to society and to the church and to those we witness that marital hypocrisy is every bit as bad as any other kind. No one should be married to a spousal pharisee who acts like Pastor Jekyll by quoting bible passages and acting all godly at church but at home turns into Mr Hyde the satanic monster. It is important to pray in a bad marriage and seek good counsel too but it is also important to see wisdom as well and that means being realistic about whether a marriage can truly survive a godless spouse who fails to recognise let alone repent of their sinful behaviour. When all seems hopeless, I don't think God expects any abused spouse to put up and shut up for the rest of their days especially if it affects their fellowship with the Lord. Instead, don't be surprised if God leads you out of a persistently bad relationship where harshness spills over into outright abuse and if by staying in it there are more ungodly behaviours being displayed than if there were by being apart from your spouse. Marriage takes two people to make it work - no three, because God needs to be at the centre of it too - and when one partner is doing all of the grunt work to make it as godly as possible, whilst the other does nothing to make it work and persistently and wantonly sins against his spouse, that is no god led marriage in reality, just a legal one on paper, and I suspect God would conclude that too, after all it is clear that Jesus is not at the centre of that marriage where he should be so there is no reason why he would endorse it but instead see it for the sham it really is. God hates divorce - where one flesh are behaving like two - but mainly act as one. But there is nothing in the Bible where he condones sham or fake marriages where, despite a wedding taking place, neither party has ever really become one flesh because one or perhaps both parties care more about meeting their own needs than the needs of the other spouse. That will always be the case in narcissistic marriages and it is folly to think otherwise and in the worst case scenarios could result in spousal murder or manslaughter. Is that a godly outcome? I don't think so.

[@cathy7382]

Yes, I agree it seems that wives are blamed if the marriage isn't what it ideally should be and husbands have to man up to their faulty sinful behavior. Marriage is complex enough, and if a husband continues abuse, doesn't repent I don't think divorce would be the proper course of action but seperation from a dangerous situation is

[@PotterSpurn1]

@@cathy7382 True. But no woman should live in fear, nor should they expose their children to ungodly abuse and hypocritical attitudes either.

[@xavierthomas5835]

When you look in the book of 2 Samuel, you will see a woman who had a godless husband, who hated King David with a passion, but that same man he hated ended up being the husband of his wife, after he died of course. Funnily enough, Kind David did not himself slay him. He had a heart attack. Quoting the scripture for guidance is not ok give you some self satisfying answer, so that I can look wise. It is so that God can recieve the glory that is due him. He cares about all our problems, but sometimes the best answer isn't simply away. Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding.

[@carawadley317]

I think that's what struck me the most. Saying your husband is harsh is a response to their character, not an occasional outburst in regards to a specific situation. Reaching out to JP tells me that she is being abused, or at the very least, with someone too apathetic to be gentle. JP could have laid out some healthy boundaries for her to use in the relationship, and suggested more professional help if those are not respected. Or he could say that he does not have a wise weird for this and suggest those who do.

[@PotterSpurn1]

​@@carawadley317 One of the biggest eye openers for me stemmed from reading about the MacArthur case over David and Eileen Grays. Whereas before I thought of 'Cessationism' as being solely about the spiritual gifts being no longer operable after the 1st church, it occurred to me that the term was inadvertently adopted and accepted by some as a means to encourage people to see the Bible as providing a catch-all solution to every problem they encounter these days as of old, even those it clearly doesn't address in any specific detail, if at all. That is not to say that God's word is insufficient. That is not it at all. But the Bible was written at times where the kind of problems we encounter today were not encountered back at the times it was written - or else they were not to the same degree of sophistication as they are today. E.g., cyber-attacks, internet bullying, social media obsessiveness...the list goes on. It is not good enough to just claim sin is sin and to leave it at that. Therefore, to remain Biblical is not so much to treat the Bible as some kind of manual that sets out a rigid set of prescriptives and rules to follow, irrespective of how relevant and how effective they are (that is Pharisee territory) it is to also to recognise, consider and to accept when necessary, outside professional help to find solutions to those problems the Bible doesn't fully address in detail, as long as these solutions do not fundamentally override God's main covenant commandments and principles set out in His Word. God remains sovereign always. We should never forget that. That is why we should, as believers, always seek the Lord first in prayer, by reading The Word and if by following the Bible specific answers within it are not there or they prove insufficient in the modern world, by all means join the dots or fill in the gaps with outside counsel or help who will respect believers' faith, even if they are not Christian themselves, for which a better more Godly solution overall can be applied. That is why the Bible also states that we should be in the world not of the world. That doesn't mean that we should just exist and breath the air, nor does it just mean that we should not idolise worldly things. It also means that we should, when necessary, apply wisdom to import what is useful from the outside to help in our endeavours to be Godly, when coupled with scriptural truths (not to override them). God made human beings, not robots. The echo chamber 'cessationist/total depravity believing Biblicist is neither in or of the world if they choose to remain so out of step with culture and intellectual developments they abandon entirely any progress made to the understanding of human nature or other modern day problems, by just reverting to the simplicity of the Bible at the exclusion of everything else that might provide a more fulsome answer they need. That can only lead to hypocritical 'cherry picking' and crude, ineffective outcomes that do more harm than good. Furthermore, Jesus himself did not disregard cultural norms of the times - he washed feet (a common custom of the times) and he paid taxes even when he did not need to when he was a King, but he also made clear that God's commandments came before anything else as does the main principles God set out for us to live a godly life through Peter and Paul, so as not to subjugate scripture to being little more than a history book that is over time irrelevant and antediluvian and can then be disregarded whenever it says something that we don't like to hear. The solution to any believer's problem never disregards scripture but places it at the centre of every problem. Pray, pray, pray.......never abandon that when seeking solutions to issues not specifically addressed in the Bible. That is to ensure that you don't eisogete scripture to formulate your own ultimately ungodly solution. But don't abandon your intellect, rationality and reason either. Christianity is an intellectual religion. Ultimately, godliness is what we are seeking and there is nothing godly about hypocrisy, exploitation, wilful ignorance or stupidity or even criminality too, which can all happen if The Bible is used as a totalitarian trap and misused as a bludgeon to control or abuse someone in an ungodly fashion, or to misdirect someone into conformity or misery or hopelessness that would make them a poor ambassador for Christ through witnessing and evangelism. Wisdom is mentioned and alluded to everywhere in the Bible. So in a sense I am wrong: the Bible does cover everything we need to live our lives, only sometimes we all need to dig a little deeper to find that nugget of a passage or a proverb that is not so much prescriptive, but more over-arching. Those that permit us to look beyond its pages to make our lives as Godly as possible. God expressed his sovereignty to give us free choices to accept or reject him and that means we must also apply wisdom in all situations to find a godly solution to problems that remain outside the specific remedial scope of The Word prescriptively in sufficient detail, but still whispers in our ears via the Holy Spirit a conviction not to stray too far into the world when it is at the expense of our faith.

[@Michael_Morehead]

Dear God, in times where I am at a crossroad in my life, I ask that you will give me the counsel that will help me make the right decision. I do not desire to go in the way that is not pleasing to you, Lord. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen Shalom.

[@selfpublishing101]

It takes everything in me and all the strength I take from Jesus just to stay. His anger is so ugly and evil. He has no self control.

[@a.christian3822]

I hope you're doing OK ❤

[@TheCreepypro]

help us Lord to love your beautiful daughters that you have given us remembering that even though we may seem grown up, at heart we are all your children with fears and worries and even though we don't listen or do what you want, you are kind and gentle with us as you lead us help us to do likewise to not be like adam who failed eve and thus doomed us all but to be like Jesus the better adam who healed the broken relationship between man and God and man and woman

[@cirr3587]

Just pray and pray for him and THE LORD will answer in HIS timely, forgive even if he doesn’t deserve, I’m talking from my own experience.

[@PaulBurdo]

Ooooohhhhhhh… But your experience, has absolutely NOTHING …whatsoever to do with the experience of others!

[@Star-dj1kw]

Terrible advice. Get to safety

[@JerubbaalgodSlayer]

I’m not married, but I don’t think I could stay and sleep with a man who treated me like that. I’d give him time to change and if he didn’t, I’d leave. My father is like that, so perhaps that is why...🤷🏿‍♀️It is probably a good thing, that I am not married…🇨🇦

[@xavierthomas5835]

Before I was saved, I had a lot of baggage that I carried with me like a badge printed by fire on my chest. But Jesus is not just God of the righteous, he is also God of the downtrodden, broken, and abused. I don't want to presume upon you anything, but I have found that when somebody brings past wrongs up to inform their present, it usually means that it still has an impact on them. Not only in matters of unforgiveness, but, also, bitterness, a broken heart, blindness to our own wrongdoing, etc. As the book of Hebrews says, let that which is turned out of the way be healed, lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, for thereby many be defiled.

[@IWillHumbleMyself]

@@xavierthomas5835 That is not true. Just because someone shares a personal story or truth about somebody or an experience from their past, it doesn't necessarily mean any of those things you pointed out. Also, God is Lord of all of creation, yes, but he is a father to his own, the righteous. That is, those who belong to Christ.

[@xavierthomas5835]

@@IWillHumbleMyself Well of course not, that's why I said that it may not be the case. Secondly, God is referred to many, many times as a Father to the fatherless, a Judge of widows, the helper of the poor, the one who heals the broken in heart, and the one who satisfies the desire of every living thing. And these are only a couple of examples. He still shows love and grace to all of creation and helps people in ways that are not always as perceptible to the eye. Sometimes people who should have died in their situations yet live because God provided them with their need, to the end that they recognize his goodness and turn from their wicked ways. Such, however, is not always the case. People can recieve goodness from God until the day they die, and they simply believe it is luck. They simply believe that God has smiled on them because of things they have done, or they believe that God is just going to justify them without consequence or sacrifice. Thus, their providence becomes a testimony to a heart too wrapped up in temporal satisfaction to see the eternal life offered through Jesus Christ.

[@JerubbaalgodSlayer]

@@xavierthomas5835 you are free to presume as you wish… *Shadow of What I Once,* is correct though… *Grace* ✝️ *Peace* 🇨🇦

[@missmarymack3457]

My husband is so so mean. He doesn’t take me anywhere, but me anything and embarrasses me in front of his friends and other people. He always apologizes but I’m so over it. I just can’t believe I actually love a man like this. It seriously has me questioning myself. He takes all his anger and frustrations out on me and it hurts so very bad. I tell him all the time that I’m not his enemy but on his aide

[@rhymeaddict]

I will also add that when in a conflict, if you say "everyone else agrees that you are this way and that way and etc..." Not only is that disingenuous because you didn't talk to everyone, it's also UTTERLY unhelpful

[@icecoolguita]

Though i'm a male and not married, this video came at an opportune time for me. I realize I tend to prioritize truth over gentleness so I can see how this can easily happen in a spousal relationship. What confuses me is, at what point a person should back off from speaking the truth? Is it immediately when you realize the other person doesn't want to listen? i'm wondering if you can make a follow up video giving advice to husbands on what they should do when wives don't want to listen to them. What's the point when you start turning the other cheek, even if you're in the position of authority that God has given to you? Any advice would be appreciated, thank you.

[@therestoredmomabundantmoth4396]

Or when the husband doesn't want to listen to the wife

[@Paige-Turnner]

The officiant for our wedding had us read an incredibly helpful book before getting married called "The Love She Desires Most and The Respect He Desperately Needs". We had to read it together and I would highly recommend it to all couples and even single people.

[@truecowboy]

Or when wives are pissed n hurling insults and hitting the man. We just supposed to take it n shit our mouths. I don't think so

[@Paige-Turnner]

@@truecowboy she sounds abusive. That's wrong of her. Women are to respect men no matter what as the man loves his wife no matter what. There should be more emphasis on women respecting their husbands these days. I think men get it after many years of teaching to love their wives.

[@xavierthomas5835]

What saith the LORD? Whether they will hear or forbear, in the book of Isaiah, (to do my will). If they won't hear anymore, don't speak anymore the truth to them. For example, I have been a Christian for a little over 2 years, and in this two years, I have spoken the truth to my family on plenty of occasions. But, as in the book of Acts, they began to flatly say they would have none of my God and began to blaspheme. So I have been told, by God, to not waste the word on hardened hearts. On the other hand, there is no position of power where you can forgo forgiveness. A husband, though he be a king in a castle, has no choice but to humble himself before his spouse as with all others. You being single I can warn you that you should do a lot of praying before you get married or even get into a relationship because people are so quick to try to hide their nature to please people until they get what they want.

[@WilliamBranhamsermons]

God bless you so much

[@IWillHumbleMyself]

Sorry to say, but William Branham was a false prophet. It's just true. If you weren't already aware, I pray you look into it.

[@HearGodsWord]

I think my wife needs to hear this episode as her husband and be harsh at times 😳

[@williamcopeland6683]

Amein

[@carawadley317]

Why are you harsh with your wife?

[@HearGodsWord]

A sinner married to a sinner. 🤷

[@oluwadamilolababalola2027]

Do better She doesn’t need to hear this

[@HearGodsWord]

@@oluwadamilolababalola2027 it's a very encouraging and helpful video.

[@hate.doublespeak991]

If a mother doesn't treat her children right, without favoritism then I do not want her to talk about Christianity! God also is not domineering or abusive towards His children, neither does He favor any of us

[@Ruby-du8qu]

If a 'harsh' husband does not take responsibility for his words and actions (or lack of them) the wife is likely in an emotionally abusive relationship. Men like this are not intersted in truth, not interested to honour and love his wife. God does not desire for women to stay stuck in emotionally destructive marriages. What you are talking about John is where the husband is a healthy man and where he is actually interested to love and honour his wife. Many harsh husbands (1 in 4 Christian marriages) are destructive. This is abuse and your above advice is very damaging and dangerous for these women.

[@PaulBurdo]

Thank you … Most of us men are both clueless and careless about what you share, but we must continue to share, just as Ezekiel was told his speak whether the people would listen to him or not… And God said they would not!

[@PaulBurdo]

Judgment begins with a household of God… And it certainly has begun, but the voice of truth, as you continue to share will be shining a clear light to answer the question, “why is God allowing this to happen to the church?“

[@xavierthomas5835]

I agree with most of it except the idea that a person's personality can give them leeway to act as they please. That would fky directly in the face of dying to self and surrendering to Christ, who, though he did not always speak kindly in matters of sin, was always more than willing to subject himself to people's customs and understandings. He spoke to the weak and weary with such kindness, and he was, by nature, a meek and lowly man, not a terse and blunt one.

[@noelgibson4274]

I was struck by that comment too. At first I liked it remembering some of my friends who aren't super "smiley" and a bit blunt, but I know for a fact this is just their personality and they mean no harm by it. However, your statement makes me thinks that if people take what Pastor John said as a general rule, it can be an excuse for a lot of sinful personality types. Maybe even my friends with more blunt personalities should maybe be challenged to be more like Christ who was gentle and meek as we are being transformed into His likeness from one degree of glory to the next.

[@xavierthomas5835]

@@noelgibson4274 Thank you for your reply. I would say that also actually, but my main point was, even if you mean no harm, if you persistently dk things that offend others, despite being told about, you are sinning. The Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians makes it a point to bring up how if you eat meat but your brother or sister in Christ doesn't eat meat, you shouldn't eat meat in their presence either. This gives us a clear guide on how we should treat any b situation. God wants us to be willing to give up certain things for our brother and sister if it hurts them. So the blunt brother or terse sister, if they are confronted about it by another Christian should be willing to lay aside this demeanor for their sake.

[@deusx.machinaanime.3072]

Thank you Lord for this Scriptural lesson. 1) Intercede to God that your husband to be softened, and then for the wives to be used by God to impact their husbands. 2) 2 Peter 2 - Wives to bring about change to their husband by the Godly way and Godly change. E.g A soft answer turns away wrath 3) There will be a point to turn to others to pray for her (wife), but not to bad mouth the husband behind his back. Get others (other couples) to encourage yourselves by asking each other who could be trustworthy to share what you are dealing with and be counselled by the trustworthy couple. 3.1) Be aware that there are simply some personalities that does not have ill will at all. It might just be his up bringing and is a deeply ingrained personality. This is simply not sinful (sometimes). Therefore be careful not to impute sin to this person. 4) In terms of approaching the husband, when criticism comes, ensure it is embedded in love. Find explicit things of God’s graces, of love and fill it with verbal affirmations. Ask from time to time, about your own behaviour if some are bothersome, or annoying to him. 4.1) When describing about his harshness, try not to globalised it. “You always say this”, “You always do this” as these phrases will show helplessness for the husband.. 5) If he (husband) indicates a sense of openness after this, then express a sense of joy for what he can do to be less harsh. Otherwise, if you both feel stuck, then it is perfectly alright to reach out for help

[@PaulBurdo]

This narrative that a wife’s role is to obey her husband, as the angels obey God, is not only an unbiblical, sinful view of a wife’s relationship to her husband,but it is carnal! It is the objectification of women as not only objects of a husbands delight in sexual pleasure, but as objects of a husbands delight in sexual position, and power! Dr. John Piper forgets that the husband as head of the wife should be in a position as Jesus was as the head cornerstone… The first stone to go DOWN… in the ground, the first stone to go down Into the ground. The stone that submits in a position UNDER every other stone in the temple! And when a husband submits to the responsibility to care for his wife, then she gives him the privilege of submission, or support… But when, how, and where, and how long, is something she decides… because submission is always freely offered! A wife is never told to obey her husband, (although Abraham IS told to obey Sarah in Genesis 21.12), she is told to submit or support him… Wives are not told to obey their husbands, like a little girl is…that is a daughter or a son in Ephesians 6, but a different Greek word is used…”submit” which means to support! This is the same Greek word used to tell husbands, and men, to SUBMIT to women who have devoted themselves to the ministry! You can see this in first Corinthians 16.16! But we don’t translate this in a way that teaches men to obey those women… They are simply told to support them, which is what the word “submit “actually does mean!

[@Ruby-du8qu]

Thank you for sharing your wisdom and input. I hope John Piper reads this.

[@dz7a756]

From the Holy Bible: Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church- for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery-but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:21‭-‬33 NIV Be well and be at peace.

[@beanbean6986]

I have a question I hadn’t had time. Watch the video yet but would someone explain to me the characteristics of a harsh husband and or explain to me what one looks like?

[@carawadley317]

Abusive. Controlling. Manipulative. At the very least in this context, too lazy or apathetic to be gentle to his own wife.

[@beanbean6986]

@@carawadley317 thank you so much i really appeciate you explaining that to me!

[@lionofjudah4114]

Why is my husband so mean and harsh to me. He is speaking with contempt and speaking to me with impatience. What do I do. What is happening with him. Please help me with him and what to do.

[@ericnazario8486]

Amen🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@GabrielMartinez-sd8pc]

I think I’ll be dead before any Christian podcast or marriage series addresses wives responsibilities or when the wife is sinning. The last church I went to had to throw in 4 disclaimers before the sermon before addressing the women and started with a “men are idiots” dialogue.

[@terryvest906]

Oh PLEASE. All you have to do is Google how to have a happy marriage and ALL you see is wives submit to your husband. Very LITTLE will you see ANYTHING on the husband

[@Crazy-Crafty-Catie]

If a woman is loved the way God commands (as Christ loves the church), the man would never have to worry about his wife being disrespectful or unloving. Guaranteed!!!

[@GabrielMartinez-sd8pc]

@@terryvest906 This is not true.

[@GabrielMartinez-sd8pc]

@@Crazy-Crafty-Catie So essentially, the woman operates as an "if / then"? Sounds a lot like "happy wife happy life" which is horrible advice.

[@fortis6258]

What about the other the way around? Don't pretend it doesnt exisit, because it does. I have seen and been around many wives who were harsh to their husbands. My mother had a pretty harsh abusive 2nd husband and I had to be around that..and nobody did a damn thing about it, so much for social services "MN nice."

[@HearGodsWord]

The question wasn't the other way around though.

[@jailahbryel305]

Jesus paid the price for our sins so we wouldn’t have to! So trust in Jesus as Lord and Savior. Also repent so you don’t perish

[@maribidemolero8413]

Beautiful 🤩

[@Paige-Turnner]

What happened to comments????!!!!

[@sglatitude]

The bible and society put emphasis on husband to act with manner and polite towards his wife. Any counsel for husband with harsh and abusive wife? In today modern society, it is common that marriage broken as a result of abusive wife. So, I guess the point is that it is not only the husband that must and keep getting discipline and edification to change his conduct because in today modern society, there’s occasion that the female need godly counselling. What the bible said about this case?

[@jenniferthomas1150]

I think The Bible is pretty clear that everybody needs to be gentle with everybody else regardless of your relationship or gender. One time I was frustrated with a vendor and taking it out on the customer service rep, when he suddenly commented, in a matter of fact tone, "that was unkind.". It really stopped me because it was true, but also because it was said without anger. I apologized, but I have since used that same technique to point out to other people when their words are coming across unkindly. Sometimes they don't realize it and need to know that their passion for a topic may be skewing their good sense in how to discuss it. I'm not saying that's always the case, but it's worth a try!

[@Paige-Turnner]

The wife needs to respect her husband no matter what as he is to love her no matter what. Yes, there is counsel that addresses this. Read "The Love She Desires Most and the Respect He Desperately Needs" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.

[@dz7a756]

From the Holy Bible: Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church- for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery-but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:21‭-‬33 NIV Be well and be at peace

[@katlegomolokoe4437]

🙏🙏🙏

[@naits7457]

For wives suffering under harsh husbands, do understand that your marriage is temporary. There won't be marriage between men and women in heaven because everyone will be married to Jesus. God comforts widows by telling them that he is their husband. He did not say that their husbands are in heaven, because they are no longer their husbands. God tells eunuchs that they will receive a name and place better than sons and daughters, so the childless won't have children on earth or in heaven. Jesus says that people in heaven do not marry each other like how the angels of heaven do not marry each other. In Genesis, it was only the FALLEN angels who married human women. People in heaven won't have sexual intercourse because they are not married to each other. If they did, that would be fornication and the Bible says that fornicators WILL NOT inherit the kingdom of heaven. Paul wrote that married men should live as if they had no wife because the manner of this world is passing away. That means sexual intercourse and the desire for it will not be in heaven. Old Testament Isaiah 54:5 Isaiah 56:4-5 New Testament Matthew 22:30 Mark 12:25 Luke 20:34-36 1 Corinthians 7:27-31

[@Crazy-Crafty-Catie]

Can’t wait!

[@kathleenwharton2139]

Just Be YourSelf and keep following Jesus. My husband divorced me. It was all Good!

[@yellowpill0]

Sorry to hear that.

[@brusselsprout5851]

What a bummer. Any wife in that situation made a big big mistake.

[@JerubbaalgodSlayer]

@Brussel Sprout, perhaps she didn’t pray and ask God if she should marry him. Which is a huge error…🇨🇦

[@AGirlNamedVan]

I wish I was married. Id rather her have a harsh husband than nothing 😢

[@jojersey4081]

The grass isn't always greener on the other side sister-in-Christ. Pray for a great man in His time. I have an abusive husband and I wouldn't have the time to tell you how depressing, sad, hurtful, painful, etc. it is.

[@grambina786]

No you wouldn’t…pray to know God better as you pray for a good, God fearing husband. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@IWillHumbleMyself]

I promise you, you wouldn't. Being married to the hulk is no picnic. If I have to live alone in order to have peace in my life, I will prefer peace every time. Take it from me, I've been there. It is a miserable and unhappy life. I know being alone isn't easy. I know that's hard too. But take it from me who has walked on both sides, I prefer to be left alone.

[@des711]

A harsh husband gives you hurt emotions, so no you don't want to live like that. Day after Day it takes a toll.

[@Paige-Turnner]

God loves you Helen. Seek Him first.

[@elliesambrook5929]

So...... Get battered go back for me as you smile. NO

[@Migler1]

That’s not what it’s about.

[@HearGodsWord]

I don't think you listened to the video.

[@truecowboy]

Did you not see amber heard case.... Stop abusive women. Men don't owe women shit. You are so wrong. What about how wives should treat their husbands. This is 2022 not 1600. What about women who aren't gentle. I'll treat you how I'm treated.

[@biblicalworldview284]

That sounds like your ego/pride expressing itself. How about your heart & soul? Are you reading the Word?

[@truecowboy]

@@biblicalworldview284 yet you claim be a Christian? Who are to judge my ego/pride. You got no right to judge anyone. That's gods job. You are why I don't go church. Judgemental non Christian shit heads. I'll let God judge me not man.

[@des711]

The Bible talks about how wives should treat their husbands too. The Bible talks to both husband and wife. The question he is answering is from a wife who has a harsh husband, so that is why there is emphasis on a harsh husband. Read the bible and you will find your answers.

[@bruin4Christ]

Plenty of toxic woman in this world but you forgot Romans 12: do not repay evil for evil? Why did you say you will treat others the way they treat you? What if God gave you what you deserve? Covenant keeping men do have obligations, yes they do.

[@truecowboy]

@@des711 I'm tired of society always portraying men as the abusers. Now with the amber heard case... It's coming to light that women are the abusers most of the time. As men we just take it. We shouldn't have too. So if you make a story about men mistreating women then that's sexest. Need to include women in this as well. Just look at the title