How to Not Die Alone - A Dating Expert's Guide

[@RafiBarides]

A two hour interview, she does not stutter once, does not say ummmm or uhhh once, every word is clear, her sentences are concise, perfectly articulate. She spoke on each topic with confidence and with nuance. Very cool episode-- not a boring moment! excited to buy the book.

[@TheWackness64]

Aren't these edited tho

[@davidgavney6711]

She speaks a lot for her career, so she has a well-honed verbal presence. I did find three Umm's: 1:35:09 and 1:35:11 & 1:35:17.

[@brycewilkins9421]

@@davidgavney6711😂😂😂thank you. The internet is truly undefeated.

[@HappyHealedRelationships]

Logan is truly amazing!!❤❤

[@bojack3827]

Alain de Botten is terrible in this field.

[@thanh-thomasnguyen7969]

"You're trying to portray who you are and get one person who is interested in you. You are not trying to hack an entire gender and figure out what the most number of people would like; It's how do you get the person who most likes you, to like you." Love that.

[@ryguy8054]

While it makes a lot of sense, it feels like trying to find a needle in a haystack

[@Phoenix1664]

​@@ryguy8054Feels like, because it is

[@Icanmakeit343]

How interesting to have a guest who is intelligent, well-informed, eloquent and uses the science to back what she says. Thank you both.

[@fibbs6533]

Logan's honesty about her husband's cancer and the effect it has had on their relationship was so touching. Thank you for being willing to be vulnerable in such a public way.

[@karynstudiosloane-ceramics436]

Okay I'm finishing this up the next morning and I've got to say this interview is TOO good. I feel criminal not paying for it! This woman knows her stuff and you two together are wonderful chatting about this because of the dynamic of your personalities. I'll be rewatching this because there's no way I absorbed it all.

[@sdoken]

let us know if you rewatched the video and if you still feel that this was helpful and you are making progress in your relationship/love life thanks to the things you learned in this video!

[@karynstudiosloane-ceramics436]

@@sdoken 100% and this is ironic timing because I'm even reading the book at the moment, which is a gem. Got halfway through it in a day because I couldn't put it down. Definitely helping me in more than just my dating relationships, but also friendships as well. Good luck on your journey!

[@thelightinclarity]

​@@sdoken I'll answer this one! I watched this video because I wanted to know more about how to know more about myself and my own life. I have instituted some of the things spoken about due to reading 'eight dates' by John and Julie Gottman in 2018. I have also made a lot of life and personality changes as well during that time. My friendships have changed tremendously to where I adore the people I am with. Dating shifted because I am myself. I am on more dates and I'm not accepting just anyone. I have more fun, but I haven't found anyone who matches just yet, but I am never having the feeling of 'I am gonna be alone forever'. Logan knows her stuff, a lot of what she's saying is true in a lot of ways and can be organic. The advice that's like this allowed me to be my best self and changed my life.

[@colettedickinson2870]

The idea of independence is only relevant for the first part of your lives- your courtship and through your marriage. You will find you both change with time, probably after having children and also as your careers may change, too. You must maintain flexibility to change your expectations but stay committed to each other.

[@ShortenMonteCristo]

As a single guy I can't express how grateful I am videos like this exist for free. I bought her book because of it and already applied a lot of what she says. Buy the book guys, it touches on everything they say but in more detail. Awesome job hosting this podcast, and 10/10 guest.

[@dennisitsme]

I love how well read she is and how she can bring up books on the spot with references. She never stumbled onto her words, which tells me that she truly believes in her opinions. She is one of those people I'd listen to again and again and still be blown away by her brilliant mind.

[@maaax573]

Me too! She's so well spoken

[@hello_world_104]

I love how honest and vulnerable he is. It benefits us

[@jeeteshjatav]

I am 17 year old . This podcast help me to look on relationships at whole new level. Thanks for creating this amazing podcast.

[@DiaboloMootopia]

you're so lucky to have heard this at the age of 17! Use it.

[@TeiteBumm]

i am 27 hahah same here brah

[@hyschara]

Lucky you! I'm 37 years old and I'm feeling exactly like how Ali does 🤣

[@krishpandey9725]

@@DiaboloMootopia is it lucky? I am also 17 but I don't know why I am feeling I will never find a person🥲 imagine losing hope a 17

[@DiaboloMootopia]

@@krishpandey9725 it's a hard time in life. It's probably more common than you think to have this hopeless feeling at that age. It's probably less common than you think to have a girlfriend at that age. I remember lots of guys claimed to at the time, but now I see that it was probably not true - an exaggeration at best. So, don't get too down about it. This too shall pass and better times will come. Above all, don't think that there's something specifically wrong with you. There's not. Your loneliness is normal for your age. You're fine my dude.

[@heygraceshockey]

I think a lot of us who are children of divorce can relate to Logan’s curiosity about dating & relationships & romantic love… “Happily ever after wasn’t something I could take for granted.” 💜💕💜 Thank you Ali and Logan for sharing this valuable information in such a lovely way!

[@jaikumarsivalingam]

One of the best podcasts I've listened to in 2023 is this one. Thank you, Logan Ury and Ali Abdal!

[@gesshyy]

This interview was exactly what I needed to hear. From book recommendations to life lessons.Thanks to both of you guys!!

[@niceandkind3385]

this is such a great collaboration. Oh my god, I feel seen, heard and I become much smarter listening to you two. Ali, you ask truly great questions and you both are at the "same level". Thank you two so much. So many helpful and reliable insights from this. Thanks once again.

[@_lublub]

Though I feel alright to die alone, this is actually giving me a lot of insights and reminded me how important relationships are. Thanks Ali, perfect gift for Valentine's day! And hey, happy Valentine's Day everyone!!!

[@homepickle]

You're a good teacher, Logan, and have a good speaking style for the topic -- reassuring and enlightening. I appreciate the openness from both of you. Great conversation.

[@MomoSimone22]

Logan is amazing! So articulate and this interview was so full of great information! I bought her book within the first 30 minutes of watching this!

[@samuelvilz]

Once again, an episode of Deep Dive coming to me at the exactly right time. I'll have to seriously ask myself many of the questions you two covered. I'm now definitely motivated to lose my illusions about "the spark" in favor of "the slow burn" 💚💚💚🔥 Thank you, Ali and Logan.

[@hillarykaelomolebatsi4783]

This was too beautiful… methods that encourage vulnerability and more humanness … I am taking many of the lessons here and I will most def recommend it

[@ananastea]

just paused it to say that to me it’s just crazy how i have the same thing about “see the light” from tangled! i literally listened to it the other day and thought it’d be goals to sing it as a couple! i read the book following your advice and am enjoying the podcast so far, thank you!!

[@maishazarinanan5028]

Same!

[@xcavation123]

Great episode! Logan is such a great communicator. LOL at Ali throwing his female friends under the bus

[@angierox6964]

Excellent! I love the intelligence, education, information, objectivity, subjectivity and research in addition to life experience, laughter, and personalization of it all. I’ll be buying her book and I subscribed to you today. And in addition, the topic… I feel like I have a bit more confidence and direction in online dating and then hopefully maintaining a long-term relationship. Which I hope will be her next book. Thank you!

[@Eric-hw4fm]

She’s is absolutely phenomenal at explaining these complex and nuanced subjects, brilliant woman.

[@karynstudiosloane-ceramics436]

"hedge against future loneliness" is the must ali thing ever said hahahah I LOVE that, also this book seems phenomenal based on this interview and I cannot wait to read it.

[@grantpenton1850]

After 2 1/2 years as a single guy, I've lowered my expectations to meeting a new woman once a month, which may lead to a date 3 times a year, with maybe 1 kiss per year and a hug once almost every month. I write 20 customized introductions per week, and I respond to every one who writes back. I realize the competition is intense, and since the 80/20 rule applies throughout all age groups and that perhaps a quarter of older women on line are really interested in an intimate relationship I accept all opportunities to meet new women. I do include in my profile comments that I have no parents, no children and no family members who require my attention and that I work flexibly when I want to, so that I do have time for a new relationship- and that being physically active is very important for me. It might take another 5 years, but I'll keep working on it...

[@bolt-dbtfg]

The problem with this book and many like it, is it completely skips over the part about HOW to create AROUSAL in the first place. It assumes some arousal somewhere on the scale already exists. And the talks about the relationship. In my experience, if you learn the skills to create AROUSAL in a woman who did NOT have any towards you to begin with, the relationship part takes care of itself.

[@grantpenton1850]

I met a terrific woman in 11/22 & we've been a functional pairing ever since!

[@kokochanneru]

Yeah what about people over 26 who don't have the experience though.. What about the ones that are stuck at finding/creating the experience?

[@DeepDivewithAliAbdaal]

Read the book :) it’s very good for this

[@nikitsmuthuuri2358]

This has been an insightful episode. Excellent questions posed by Ali, with great answers from the day's expert - Logan. I'll definitely keep referring to different timestamps on this video

[@mariajosecampos4084]

I could listen to it for hours and hours. Such useful and precious stuff!

[@nicholasmuiseYT]

I enjoyed listening to this, and there are great takeaways here. The only part I wish she would have acknowledged more openly was when he brought up the stats regarding the major disadvantage most guys have on dating apps. I get it, she works for Hinge and has a horse in the race there, however it could have been really interesting to hear an insiders take on those stats and not just brush over it.

[@Pranav_Bhamidipati]

At the end of the day, she's out to earn money. Not help people. Nobody in the self help space wants to solve their clients' problems once and for all because they'll lose a lifelong money pot. It's extremely unfortunate.

[@lastmazemusic]

Love the vulnerability of both of you! Excellent job 🔥💯

[@Liz-tu5zq]

Very thoughtful and interesting discussion on relationships. Love 💕 the content. It would be nice if you when editing this prior to divide it into a part one and part two due to the amount of valuable content. I know that I will listen again and share will share with others!

[@ennvee1989]

Wow I am so thankful for this interview. I am in my early 30s and have not really dated before.

[@d42]

Don’t get enn vee

[@Grace_Zandile97]

Totally can relate

[@aruytpadyugf]

I just go out of a 10 year relationship and I am just now starting to re-learn how to date again. Wow has the dating world changed!

[@chillinpeace3322]

Smart men don't date in 2022. Sorry to be the one to tell you...

[@aruytpadyugf]

@@chillinpeace3322 you sound like an Idiot from 2022, sorry to tell you

[@aruytpadyugf]

@@chillinpeace3322 also you sounds cheap af. it's best you just stay home

[@chillinpeace3322]

Bahahahaha, I get it now. You are a bitter woman. You don't even know what meetup is or how it works. Its like 10 females to every guy. That is why you don't do meetup. You can not compete with other women...

[@aruytpadyugf]

@@chillinpeace3322 LMFAOOOO I don't need to compete with other women on a stupid site like meetup. I am not desperate enough to compete for male attention. There are 3+ billion males in the world, there is no shortage of you and therefore no need for me to compete for losers.

[@saliexplore3094]

She comes across as a very kind and honest person :)

[@foziamahmoodali6491]

The whole holding the purse thing though - where she's giving her own situation as an example - there's stats out there that wives do stick by the husband in those situations but when the situation is reversed many husbands leave.

[@earthtoanouk]

In cancer diagnosis it’s about 20% of husbands leave their sick wives and 3% of wives leaving their sick husbands

[@brianmeen2158]

@@earthtoanouk many variables I’d like to know about those relationships - who was making more $$ being an important one

[@Liankirry]

He has an avoidant side in his attachment style, hence the need for doing so much on his own. Trouble is, that's going to make it really hard to keep a relationship going down the line. A relationship doesn't thrive in counterdependence. It needs interdepence. The dating pool is flooded with people with an avoidant attachment style for this reason.

[@angelahenshall7655]

I was wondering if someone would point that out. It’s tough to raise kids with someone that needs so much time on his own.

[@brianmeen2158]

@@angelahenshall7655ahh yes I’m extremely introverted and truly do prefer solitude for the most part. I am Engaging and charismatic around others and do like most people but I simply don’t need or desire to be around them that much. I’ve tried pushing myself to meet their social demands and it simply doesn’t work .

[@michellemarais9872]

The podcast that is going to change a generation. I've been wondering about this for such a long time, because I always imagine having to explain that I met someone online. In my culture that is quite a shameful thing. You are definitely desperate. But this has helped me so much to clear my mind that this is merely a tool, and it has given me so much insight on how to lose the fear and shame associated with being online. Really incredible

[@DoveDove-hn4by]

Hello __Michelle ... how are you doing today... 🌹🌹 How's your day going.. I hope you're having a good day 🏵️🏵️🏵️🌻...?

[@celine2131]

A very interesting subject and Logan knows really well about the it. I'm still looking for love at 47, it's never too late with some good mentors like her.

[@aaronmontblanc6704]

She has a very surface level understanding of behavioral science and relationships but that's obvious given her limited academic background.

[@samholden4171]

Same here 54 and never found love

[@SamtenBhutan]

wonderful episode. Lots to learn from this episode and as always the key message is don't back down and keep going as change is inevitable. Thank you

[@CjOnTheGo]

been waiting for this ep now a couple of days and i think this is the best way to start my feb 14 so thank you for posting this so early! also wish you the best cuz i love your channel!

[@aliabdaal]

Woo!

[@saipiisaifxiv8089]

ngl. the moment she asked "are you blushing?" I WAS !

[@alisiachiara]

Such a brilliant video! It's so fun and interesting to listen to you both talking. Great job!

[@mishguna7]

Thank you so much for this! As someone who doesn’t put myself out there too much, this has been such a great conversation for me to get my butt into gear! You are doing awesome work! Thank you and congratulations on your new relationship! Wishing you both all the best ❤️

[@laDulaSh]

This is such a good episode! Enjoyed listening to it so much! Thank you both for sharing your valuable insights and knowledge with us!

[@roniquebreauxjordan1302]

VERY interesting discussion...I'm seeing the wellness aspect that began when I worked for the Air Force in Family Support come full circle. Emotional Intelligence was "the thing" in the late 90s...human development being the goal..👏🏼👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@blca05]

So in love for this conversation! Thank you both! 💜

[@japonesa5186]

Thank you for being this open and sharing this discussion!

[@Shawn-Myosou1dis]

I'm not even interested in this sort of stuff but this lady had me listening all the way to the end.

[@Shawn-Myosou1dis]

Plus, guy who likes Disney songs is adorable.

[@angada]

Just LOVED this podcast. Made so many notes. Thank you both of you!

[@Heartford]

Fantastic podcast, so much useful information based on data and expertise. Thank you both!

[@DrBrunoRecipes]

Brilliant advice and excellent conversation 👌🏻 Greetings from Scotland 😊 Have a wonderful day everyone 🌻 Stay blessed ♥️

[@dianagula8101]

She's excellent. Much better content here than I've maybe ever seen.

[@rogerhuggettjr.7675]

The question of should you accept someone just the way they are has two sides. If someone has moral failings or fears that are holding them back from being their best version of themself, should you try and change them: yes. Should you take a look at who they are from a Myers-Briggs level and try and ask them to be something that isn't in their psychological makeup to make them more compatible with what you want: no. It's kind of like raising children. You don't make them what you want but help them develop in a way natural to them. If that isn't good enough, you are with the wrong person or need to grow yourself.

[@anjeeinkheart9102]

This was such a pleasure to listen to and think alongside as I attempt to get back into dating. I'm so glad to now know Logan Ury who's book I will look out for, she communicates so well. Logan seems to share ideas with Lori Gotllieb who's book I'm currently reading called 'Maybe you should talk to someone' I was making connections the entire time. This such a valuable podcast Ali, I will surely follow!

[@TheModernAlchemix]

NVC is a priceless tool that helps compassionately approach conflict

[@Macca3]

Just came out of a two year relationship, felt like a few things applied to us. Very interesting to see!

[@bojack3827]

This woman is excellent

[@IvyPhan]

Every dating adult on this planet should watch this video. Thank you so much it has helped me a lot ❤

[@SierraAspenAutumn]

I needed all this information in my teens and early 20s. 🙇🏽‍♀️

[@razabadass]

Thank you Logan, Ali, Angus, Elizabeth and behind the scenes people in general, Raza :)

[@erikamagallanes8181]

Thanks Logan and Ali, I appreciate this. 💚

[@noorsultani]

Nothing is better than Gottman's work on relationship. I read "7 Principles of Making Marriage Work" and it's practical knowledge that this podcast didn't really add anything meaningful to what I already knew.

[@ludwig9601]

What's frustrating is hearing "Go on more dates". Living in a small city in Sweden, I get one new person to "like" in Hinge per week. In average I get a "match" once a month (including all dating apps I'm on), of which I get a response on my first message in less than half of the times. Those I actually managed to go on a date with were simply, and trust me on this one, behaving anti-social. Truth is that I have a lot of great qualities, I'm successful, smart (especially emotionally), I have done a lot of interesting things to an extent that I am often, not that I make a deal of it because it's not important to me, 'a league above'. I could be the perfect life partner, but I am not given the chance and I guess I don't know how to take the chance either.

[@Susanrogers-pt9mf6hx1w]

Logan Urey, the dating expert, presents really well and sounds very credible.

[@Kasiabobasia]

Also Logan, if you happen to see this… thank you! This book was so helpful.

[@anishaa6216]

Thank you for this brilliant podcast Ali and Logan. I always thought dating and love has to be organic and it’s all luck and kismet, and that terrified me a bit cuz i would think what if it’s not there in my luck and I can’t do anything about it. But now i feel hopeful that i can work towards it and make it happen.

[@anon_ya]

Maximizers = potentially avoidant attachment style Learning about attachment styles will greatly help you uncover your patterns and help you build a relationship / become secure for one.

[@natural91LC]

I ended my last date in the worst way possible, I asked the person why they didn't ask me almost any question while I was invested in asking them lots. I guess they just weren't interested in me and I thought " I know there's not gonna be another date, so I might as well get this off my chest and be communicative and honest"... I still regret it lol

[@chrishnah]

What was their answer?

[@natural91LC]

@@chrishnah He said " I am sorry, I am used to a conversation just flowing without having to remind myself to ask the other questions. I will be more midful next time that other people can be introverts and not extroverts like me and may be more shy and not volunteer to talk about themselves". Yes, I still remember it and yes I'm still not over him lol what do you think of this answer?

[@chrishnah]

@@natural91LC It is a self-assured, confident answer anyway lol In some ways it is good if he is not asking too many questions as a man he may not want come off as prying. Also, men who are *too* curious about may looking for information and profiling. Men who are predators do that so I take it as a good sign he didn't ask too many questions.

[@natural91LC]

@@chrishnah he is in fact very self-assured and confident. He's a human rights lawyer so he has to be confident I suppose. He's a bit out of my league :( Oh well the ship has sailed now .... thank you for the reply :)

[@lucillesoriano5257]

@@natural91LC how did it end? He didn’t ask you out again OR you just stopped messaging him?

[@unawalsh5486]

Really insightful thank you both !!

[@seanphillips6622]

Far out, this is incredible. I’ve read the book several times and watched interviews. This is an incredible addition

[@mandywhorwal642]

TLDR: Don't be so picky, just bonk someone who's decent.

[@FacelessEasyMoney]

@The Juice Aint Worth The Squeeze really ? Lol

[@Harry._.Thompson]

@The Juice Aint Worth The Squeeze no, no they don’t.

[@paquiliztli]

😂😂😂😂

[@0reo2]

"Just go out there and date a bunch of people" - ok, I'm outside, where are there dates now?

[@partdeux992]

gross

[@zengal5685]

“Humans are experiential goods”. Damn, that resonated.

[@silfun9176]

Thanks for the list of books and resources, I was having a hard time finding one book that was mentioned at some time in the video.

[@bolt-dbtfg]

1:57:30 LOVE is unconditional. But RELATIONSHIPS are ABSOLUTELY CONDITIONAL

[@mcmaschio]

Ali realeasing a video for all singles on 14th feb 😏🔥

[@SusheeNzeutem]

What a great Podcast! I loved every minute of it. Thank you!

[@DoveDove-hn4by]

Hello __dear how are you doing today... 🌹🌹 How's your day going.. I hope you're having a good day 🏵️🏵️🏵️🌻...?

[@xenuone509]

Thank you to Logan and Ali! Especially for your vulnerabilities.

[@foziamahmoodali6491]

1:09 sounds like interviewing which sounds opposite to whats said later?

[@eveeboss]

I'm currently on Hinge. This is really insightful!!! Interesting to watch from male POV too. Good stuff!

[@CallsItLikeISeizeIts]

How’s that working out for ya (hinge)?

[@hiiiroobee]

I love this podcast!! I read her book after watching your book recommendation. And now my girlfriends are also reading her book and find it tremendously helpful. I admire how vulnerable you both were at sharing personal stories of your own 🥰 It'd be so great if you can interview Dan Ariely, I'd love to watch it!!

[@SandeepMane]

Hey Ali lots of Love From India, I have a #suggestion that could u please add chapters in podcasts to get out of full and structured ideas 💡 😇

[@craiglobo2165]

Yeah i agree if possible

[@AN4_4]

omg it's her. love love loved the book. so glad you got to speak with her, thank u ali.

[@proxied8075]

Thanks for this interview-podcast! :) Loved hearing Logan's insights!

[@d4nhumphr3y93]

Yo Ali, Interview Alain de Botton, these episodes gives soo much practical advice since you're asking from the perspective of someone dealing with the same stuff. Keep going. P.S. the Chapter markers are missing!

[@edwinoforiasamoah7071]

I am not dying alone now. Thanks Ali.

[@mohammadalhindi7550]

Thank you ali and logan for this great podcast. I’ll really benefit from it since I’ve never been in a relationship yet. I’ve been wondering and really curious ali about the 12 check in questions. Can you provide em for us?

[@idkyouyet1408]

Such an informative podcast between two well spoken and educated personas!

[@famousmidnight]

Wish I had been studying info on relationships/attraction many years ago. 32 now and single most of my life... Thank You for this.

[@testing1-2three]

Such a great talk. Thank you both for sharing.

[@johnphamlore8073]

Reading the biography of the interviewee in the New York Times, "Logan Ury Says You're Dating All Wrong," it seems possible that there is nothing men can do in many circumstances. It's up to the woman to pick who is in her friendship circle and signal interest. Nothing the interviewee's future husband could have learned could have possibly compensated for being 5-8 until the interviewee changed her attitude towards what was acceptable to her for a potential date let alone potential partner. That's what the New York Times article seems to say.

[@anhnguyenthingoc9504]

A superb interesting interview. This is my second time listening to it while it is more than 2 hours long. The most funny thing is that I got a lot of recommendations for new books to read, instead of dating advice 😂😂😂

[@bouchrahoumeur6742]

It was a great episode and I enjoyed all of it and it opened my mind That I shouldn't be so picky and have that long list of things that must be or mustn't be, you should just find a good company to share the journey with

[@karennakaoka6218]

Amazing interview!!! This video should have way more views

[@avanikasane5803]

I usually neverrr manage to get through long podcasts, but I absolutely loved this one. Thank you so much Ali and Logan for this! 🫶

[@amalmohamednoor7261]

So inspiring. Thanks 😊

[@dragos640]

Ali, you’re great, so honest and authentic 👏🏻 love Disney songs 😆 I totally get it, same problem here, trying to hide it but in the same time I am: my future partner would appreciate my honesty 😌

[@ritesh918]

Great podcast!

[@sneakers_guy5488]

"...and same thing there's the guy with a ton of girl friends who is the person you call after a break up but not to sleep with to get over the break up..." damn that's a feels bad man moment lol

[@annbell9739]

I love all of this...2 things though-one, will you please make a comment with a list of all the books you both mentioned and two, I'm wondering why there was only mentioned dating on apps. I personally do not like to use dating apps and meet people organically. I get asked out on dates in person after meeting a lot so it works better for me. Getting asked isn't the problem, but I suck at dating I think. I would like to hear her thoughts on the first date after an organic method.

[@maryo6021]

Outstanding content!👏🏾

[@chooseaname1423]

Omg, if a man wrote he likes singing Disney songs on his profile I would definitely be contacting you lol. That’s amazing. My family is big into Disney songs. Please don’t hide yourself. Remember, she’s going to find out everything about you anyway, so let it all out and save yourself and women time and you’ll get more realistic matches.