DESCRIPTION OF GRIEF: How I describe grief and how do you describe YOUR grief? | One Happy Widow

This video explains one description of grief. How I describe my own grief and I ask how you describe YOUR grief. I use an analogy that could be triggering, but I am using it metaphorically and in no way mean it in a literal way. As time goes by, grief feels less acute and more generalized. This makes it harder to recognize as grief, as it becomes disguised as other types of stress or depression. Comment below with your own analogy of how grief feels to you!
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MEDICAL DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor, counselor, or any other medical professional. Information in this video is not meant to be interpreted as medical advice. I am simply sharing my own experiences in my grief journey. If you feel that your needs are beyond the scope of the informational content of this video, please seek medical advice from your doctor to discuss treatments or medications that may be available to you. If you are having feelings or thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800-273-8255
Helping you find your happy in the grieving process
Life, Love, and Laughter after Loss

[@rhondalyn100]

My husband of 41 years died two months ago. My grief is acute like a stab in the heart and seems to come out of nowhere. I go from being okay to pulling the car into a parking lot so I can drape myself over the steering wheel and wail the pain out with my tears. It helps to talk to him as if he is in the room; I know in my heart he is still with me.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for sharing your analogy with us! #widfam

[@debbieroberts600]

I think the hardest thing for me, losing my Husband is acceptance, that he is really Gone! I Love ❤️ & miss him, more then I can say! Thank you for Sharing your Journey of the loss of Your Husband! God’s Blessings on You and your Family

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching! #widfam

[@sparkleandbertie]

I feel a bit more sane after listening to you. You are a diamond out there for many people.❤️❤️ I do get a bit alarmed at how out of it I am, still floating around, day to day but I can see it's all part of these emotions. I was thinking this morning, I feel like a tornado has hit me. I don't know what the hell has happened. It happened so quick and now the landscape of my life is unrecognisable, I have to rebuild on every level. That's how it feels and I'm 6 months in. Everything changes, turns upside down, who would believe it, you couldn't make it up, every ounce of you is affected, uprooted. I wonder what planet I've landed on sometimes, where am I !!??

[@OneHappyWidow]

Very accurate analogy for sure! #widfam

[@leslieewing9088]

I have a friend who is a widow who thinks about herself as a boat that was once in safe harbor, but now is untied, and just drifting, unable to find safe harbor again.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I can relate to that analogy as well! #widfam

[@mpmitton8377]

I had that same feeling. I said at the time that I felt completely unmoored.

[@paulastrachan4053]

That is how i often describe myself, just drifting through life. I no longer have responsibilities, no longer hold myself to schedules. I function, but things don't matter as much as they used to. I just do what most needs doing (or what I really want to do) each day, and no longer fret about the rest. I need time to just be, sort my memories so I don't forget the best ones.

[@sallyforth9323]

Yes! I am like a boat without an anchor. I am trying so hard to be my own rock because I’ve lost mine.

[@evannegregory5509]

My husband died two months ago, I had so many details to take care off I didn’t have time to grief. Now that everything is mostly settled it is sinking in. He is really gone and Ill never see him again on earth. I’ve gone from denial to reality. I found a little card he gave me with a gift years ago and I came across it while looking for something else. That was a major trigger for me and I cried for hours. I am trying not to upset my grown children because they are going through their own pain but I feel like I really need to have them near me. Thanks for sharing, it really helps hearing from someone who knows what your going through.🙏

[@OneHappyWidow]

Sounds like your transition into a new stage of grief… #widfam

[@servingtheteawithhoney3066]

*I get everything that you’re saying. It’s almost been two mths since I lost my husband. Still taking care of some business. I can be fine and then the next minute I just breakdown. I still think I’m still numb. Praying for you!* ♥️🙏🏾

[@kbenton8609]

It is like being on a roller coaster in the dark. You feel yourself moving upward and then all of a sudden the bottom drops out. Lots of twists and turns and you can't see what is ahead. It has been 3 & 1/2 years and you are right that it is not the same intense grief I felt in the beginning but it is still hanging around waiting to surprise me.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Very good analogy! #widfam

[@lindalichtenstein8163]

I definitely feel this way too

[@christettec3045]

When our mother passed and we were on the way to attend her service, my sister couldn't put her finger on how she was feeling. She was wearing a pretty sweater over her dress and she blurted out "I don't like my sweater ". That statement has become an analogy of how we grieve. Now when one of us or both of us are feeling the grief of losing our mother and have trouble expressing it we say "I don't like my sweater. " I like your description of grief being like a gun shot. Sending deepest condolences and prayers to everyone going through the grief process.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching, and for your feedback! #widfam

[@maryjoiner7557]

I'm 3and 1/2 years out and Tuesday September 8 would have been our anniversary 49 years,and I'm still cry just about every day, I think some of my grief is because I feel guilty if I try to be happy. Thank you for sharing with all of us who need it.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Guilt about moving forward is normal, and common. But if it is stopping you from being able to do it, then you might need to seek out someone to help you. #widfam

[@Molly-eq1ix]

September 8 WAS your anniversary....not would have been. September 4 was my 50th. I'm 2 1/2 years out. I spent the evening with my family. Later, I sat on my back deck and toasted my husband. I told him I was thankful the pain was over, hoped he was playing bridge with some great companions, drinking some good beer or Scotch and was able to watch his grandchildren grow. Hugs to you!!!!

[@pamcornelius9122]

Today is the one month anniversary of my husband’s very sudden and unexpected death on August 10th. We were high school sweethearts together 44 years, married for 41. He was 61 years old. Grief to me is like a bad dream I can’t wake up from. Every morning when I open my eyes and reality sets in I still can’t believe it. I stare at his empty chair at the kitchen table and at the couch and porch where he used to sit and try to visualize him. I listen to his sweet voicemails and hug the clothes hanging in his closet every morning and night, telling him good morning and good night and how much I love and miss him. If it wasn’t for my two dogs and my (now part-time) job, I don’t think I would even leave the house. I hate my new reality.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Pam, you are in early stages of grief…some of the toughest you will have! You will get through this, and I promise the pain does ease over time. It is hard to imagine it ever getting better, but you just have to get through it, one step at a time and eventually you’ll back and see how far you’ve come. Prayers to you! #widfam

[@pamcornelius9122]

@@OneHappyWidow Thank you 💝

[@servingtheteawithhoney3066]

*I lost my husband on July 22,2021... and I can relate to everything you mentioned. I feel so numb! I wake up wishing and hoping it was all a bad dream. But then reality sets in that my baby is truly gone. I even got mad at him for leaving me. We will get through this dark season! Our husband’s fulfilled their purpose here on earth. Now it’s time for us to do the same! Let’s go hard!* 🙌🏾🙏🏾♥️

[@pamcornelius9122]

@@servingtheteawithhoney3066 God has a plan, I’m just not liking it right now. 😞

[@servingtheteawithhoney3066]

@@pamcornelius9122 *I understand fully*

[@fembot521]

Grief for me is like waiting for him to come home, every single day and then realizing he is not ever coming home, over and over forever. I do believe my husband is still with us and sees everything. He is just in a different form. That helps me.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching, and sharing your analogy with us! #widfam

[@ImHavinaHoot]

I feel this way too, that he is with me/us all the time which gives me so much comfort. I still miss his physical form tremendously though. 😢💔🙏

[@marymacpherson7719]

Grief for me has been about adjustment. Not hearing the laughter, the " I love you's", not feeling the hugs, not sharing our stories, not planning our road trips, not dining out together. As a family, we have continued to acknowledge special occasions and holidays inclusively. We believe in and have experienced his altered presence and love. There is such comfort in that. Sharing , chatting, sending our love. Looking out for each family member as he showed throughout our 50 year marriage. God bless.

[@NorthernBell4612]

Good Afternoon Leo, I like many here can totally relate to what you experience at times. Even 3 yrs out I get a soulful sucker punch now and again I obviously wasn't prepared for. Really, how can we be prepared for this kind of stuff? It's not something one rehearses. I remember early on reading and reading about the loss of a spouse, grief in general and how time heals. I can't tell you how much I wanted to fast forward time so that I would feel/deal better. It has eased over time thankfully but I can appreciate the shot gun analogy perfectly. I found early on journaling helpful. It was a way to document my journey and how far I have come. If something triggers my grief I identify and acknowledge it, put it into perspective and deal with it as positively as possible. I wrote the below 6 months out from my loss. Perhaps it will be of help to someone. One Season of Many Loss is but one season of many in life. Singularly or in multiples it has no preference or predictability of timing, place or person and spares its wrath on no one. Eclipsed by the shadow, living does not end in the veil. It stands still for a time in the void until a nudge comes from within bringing strength, perspective and courage to move forward. Breathe in and something unexplainable and unexpected occurs, an awakening as living pours back into life. Unfamiliar in many ways there is beauty within it waiting to be explored. Each moment forged tempers the core and in resilience makes a stronger, better and wiser person than before. Loss is but one season of many in life. None can escape it yet all can learn from it.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Wow! It sounds like that entry was you making a transition into a new stage of grief. Perhaps letting yourself believe that there is life after loss! Thanks for sharing! #widfam

[@janahankins183]

I’m 12 years in and still have many triggers just like my last few days. I don’t even know when or why until I try to process it. No one should be able to say how or how long one grieves. I also have 4 children that we shared who have also been through at different times. My youngest lost him at 9, it hurts me so much that this sudden loss for us loosing the head of household can be devastating but as time goes by you can start laughing some or sharing certain memories where you close your eyes or try to hear their voice can be nice to always have with us/ me. I just watched all 3 of your videos and they are just so relatable to how I feel sometime daily even after the years. I love your helpful , relatable , kind videos! Wonderful messages of happiness while still in struggles of life and grief. I’m glad I came across your channel , and many blessings for you and fam. My grief for me a feeling of drowning and you get a rope to climb back in the bottom but fall back in time to time over and over.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thank you for your feedback, and for sharing your analogy with us! #widfam

[@susanclark1933]

Hi-it will be 5 years next January that my husband Bob died. One change (of many) I have experienced is how others relate to me, such as their discomfort with my singlehood, hesitancy in including me in social events, and vision of me as only one half of a being (“ . . . she’s a widow- I don’t think she knows about this/that or how to fix it . . .”). Another huge change is how I see myself moving through the remainder of my life: I have re-defined our (my) dreams. We moved to Oregon to experience outdoor adventure, gardens, and exploring. So now, instead of being over, that dream is complete. Our home now feels burdensome and empty, so I am planning to sell and move closer to family! We have to make physical and mental space by letting go of remnants. It is time for new dreams!

[@OneHappyWidow]

I love your perspective- the dream is not over, it’s complete! I will be using this phrase! #widfam

[@JensUniqueNibblesandMore]

"All of your problems are sprinkled with an extra layer of crap" 😂 accurate. I love that you are so open and made these videos

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching! #widfam

[@kimwatters7094]

For me it’s like standing with my feet in the sea. I know I’m always going to have wet feet. Sometimes the small waves come in and lap around my knees and other times the waves are bigger or even tsunami sized and knock me over. I’ve always got my back to the water and never know when or how hard they are going to hit. I’m 3 months in. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I can feel this analogy! #widfam

[@lynnp9205]

I see grief as being in the water when a boat goes speeding past. The wake is very strong. As time passes, you are further away from the boat and the wake (wave) tosses you around lesser and lesser.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I can see that! #widfam

[@pamelap6767]

This is all so true and your description is excellent. I feel like I know myself better now. I’m almost two years out. Thank you.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching! #widfam

[@timgillenwater5989]

I'm just over a year and still learning!

[@sharonsnyder1284]

I want to thank you for helping me so much. When I was down I just berated myself because I was down. We were married 58 years

[@OneHappyWidow]

Don’t punish yourself…we have been punished by grief enough!!! #widfam

[@mandydavies955]

I'm 7 months in, my husband died of a sudden heart attack at 55. My grief at the moment is like falling off a cliff in slow motion. Some days I float, some days I'm hurtling towards the ground at speed.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Very interesting analogy, and I can relate to that in the early days as well! #widfam

[@myliverandme]

Iam very sorry. Iam 2 years out from my 58 year old husband dying the same way...massive heart-attack. No warnings. Iam still a mess...some days worse than others. I hope you are able to cope better than I have. ❤

[@bobbyhousley9877]

Grief is indescribable. I understand how you get better and even happy at times and then...after 4 years it hits again. It's sort of like cancer, it goes in remission but then a lot of times raises its ugly head again. You may get better but you never totally get over it. And you fear happiness may not last . My brother married twice and both wives passed away. We just have to try to be strong.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Nothing lasts…good or bad! Once I realized this, I was able to come to peace with my every day life. And try to appreciate the blessings when they come. #widfam

[@servingtheteawithhoney3066]

*Grief is like a puzzle with a thousand pieces. You are trying to pick up your life and figure it out and put the pieces together. Some pieces fit and others don’t belong. Times you may get frustrated bc the picture/future is not clear and it’s hard to find the matching pieces. But then there times where you are having much success finding the right pieces that fit. You have to do the work! Picking up each piece and deciding where it fits. Excited to see the final picture!*

[@OneHappyWidow]

Wonderful analogy, thanks for sharing! #widfam

[@maggiegregg5533]

After two months, I feel like I have empty house syndrome. Like the wind blew thru my house and took out all life and sound. It is so quiet! No time schedule, no one to help anymore, no dr. appointments, no talking, no me saying I’ll be right there. Strange, strange silence and a lack of structure in the daily routine, no routine. But working on it. Joined a grief support group at the local senior center. Listening to others who are going thru similar or very different feelings of loss and how they are dealing with it. ❤️❤️❤️(Maggie)

[@OneHappyWidow]

It is a strange transition. Prayers to you #widfam

[@MernieLove]

When my husband died I had to hit the ground running there was so much that had to be done and I had to completely clean the garage because I had a storage locker that had to be empty because I couldn’t afford it and I was just going and going and going at the same time devastated and in shock because the way he died. In some ways I feel like I’m doing the opposite and now that things are slowing down and I can breathe the grief is so great.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I went through this. I had 4 kids to finish raising and a job to return to. No time to stop, so when I finally had a moment to slow down, the grief hit harder than before. #widfam

[@evannegregory5509]

Same here, I had so many details that needed immediate attention that after two months it has finally hit me and hit me hard. The worst part for me is going to bed at night without our nightly ritual of kissing good night. My children are grown so after 53 years I am living alone for the first time.

[@paulastrachan4053]

@@evannegregory5509 same here. It's hard learning to live alone when the reason you're living alone is the loss of your husband.

[@pamcornelius9122]

@@evannegregory5509 Same here. We never went to sleep without a goodnight kiss. We got married when I was 18 years old. I never dreamed I’d be a widow at 59 and living alone for the first time in my life. We held hands everywhere we went. He was my protector and did so much for me. It feels like my life is over.

[@evannegregory5509]

@@pamcornelius9122 I know, I was married at 18 too and I’m 73. My soulmate, protector, my best friend and love of my life is gone. With God’s help we will make it through🙏

[@Nancydhu]

my grief has been like being stuck in quicksand...that feeling of trying to get free from the horrible sorrow but unable to because of a stupid pandemic....oh and I find myself angry for the stupidest reasons and I miss my husband and there is no one out there that I can tell this to after 18 months besides you all...everyone of my friends think I should be "over it".

[@OneHappyWidow]

I can relate...people who haven't lost a spouse cannot understand how much it changes you and how long that is going to effect us (HINT: forever!) #widfam

[@evannegregory5509]

Yes, How do you ever get over loosing your husband? The pain will hopefully lessen but you can’t erase the loss of someone who was a part of you.

[@paulastrachan4053]

The pandemic has made this SO much harder. All the things that I would normally go out and do to have some distraction and company, I feel it's not safe to do. And anyone who thinks we will ever "be over it" either has not lost a spouse, or not known real marriage.

[@unamary57]

I too am four years a widow. There is a man who lives in my town who looks so much like my husband it is scary. Same build. Same height. Same bald spot. Same style of clothing. When I see him it hits me like a ton of bricks. I know it’s not my husband but I just want to run up to him and hug him. My grief is like food colouring in a glass. At first it was concentrated. As time goes by water is added to the glass and it becomes lighter in colour but is still there

[@OneHappyWidow]

Great analogy! And I used to work out at a gym where there was a guy who had Dewey's exact build...so basically from the neck down it was his twin, so when I was behind him, I'd find myself staring like some creep lol. And my kids have spotted a few dopplegangers, plus my sister saw one of him walking down the street in front of her house. It always stops me in my tracks! #widfam

[@NorthernBell4612]

Great analogy!

[@nancysebok6099]

I am a week away from it being 10 months since Mike died. I still cry often, but now I feel detached from most things. It is like I am just blowing in the wind with no place to land. Mike was always where I landed, and now with him gone, I feel so lost. Even the house does not feel the same to me, it is my home, but I don't feel truly at home anymore. Mike was that to me. I go through the motions, go to work, pay the bills, each day is like the next, but so much emptiness inside. Time will tell if things change I guess.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Mike was your “home base” and the one who grounded you. If you feel stuck in that emptiness for too long, you may want to think about some professional help. Counseling, group therapy, or even meds might help you out of a rut. Reach out if you need it! #widfam

[@maureen3890]

I'm still in early grief, Not even 3 weeks yet. I feel like someone has taken my heart out and is queezing it. I never thought I could feel pain like this. The hard part is we were older, in our 60s, not married, didn't live together. Never felt the need to broadcast our 5 year relationship. Just enjoyed each others company and loved each other quietly. So many have said they don't understand our relationship. Why do they need to? Yesterday someone said they didn't understand my need to be involved in funeral arrangements as I wasn't even his wife or they don't understand the depth of my grief.

[@OneHappyWidow]

You’re right, others don’t need to understand your relationship! Unfortunately, in our society, the law is not friendly to the rights of non-spouses. The grief is the same, the feelings are just as valid! But the rights and support are just not there in the same way. Prayers for you in this journey! #widfam

[@deanatillman7083]

My husband passed 2 years ago and I am mad with everyone. I go to work & come home each day. I WANT MY LIFE BACK WITH MY HUSBAND! I am always comparing others to my husband. No one can fill his shoes. The life that I live now is like I have no one to share my goals with, loneliness within my heart. I have many friends and one best friend her husband passed away 1 year ago so, we talk & cry alot together. This just wasn't fair for Terry to die we were supposed to be together forever. I pray every day and thank God for putting Terry in my life and to please... Yes, I ask God to tell Terry that I love and miss him. It's an everyday struggle. I am happy but I'm not. I have been to the Dr. I am taking Prozac each day maybe it works. I am close but distant. Does that make sense? I am so thankful for all of you. Thank you.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m thankful you have a friend who can relate to your pain, and you can help each other through this grief journey. #widfam

[@deirdrehennessey5192]

I’ve felt a few things. First adrift at sea not knowing where I was or what direction any thing was or which way to go.

[@OneHappyWidow]

That’s relatable! #widfam

[@thxharvey9522]

Thank you for sharing. I found your channel last week. Lost (hate that term, it is not like I misplaced him) my husband 2 months ago. A few days ago, I requested to join the Facebook group, and hope to see that content soon as well, and participate in discussions.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching! I usually go through FB applications a couple of times a week. Also, be sure you answered all the questions, including email address or it gets kicked out. #widfam

[@12LadyHawk]

Leo I just want to shout out to you. Ty for putting some sense into my present senseless days.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching, and sharing your feedback #widfam

[@katie-n-mr-hobbs1111]

Please don't take this wrong, but is dealing with your grief easier in any way, because you have a love in your life you can talk to and who also knows the feeling so you don't have to explain it all? Someone "right there" who can just give you a hug? My world is empty. I have severe social anxiety and my husband truly WAS my entire world. It's so very lonely. I am one year out in October and yes I am dreading that first anniversary too.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I don’t take it wrong, it is a fair question. And yes, I’m sure it is easier to manage my grief now that I’m remarried. And the fact that he is also widowed, it really helps to have someone who “gets it”. Sometimes I feel a bit guilty sharing that part of my life with others, because so many are still fresh in grief and dealing with it on their own. But I did my fair share of lonely, and I am definitely still grieving. And so is my new husband! Finding new love is not for everyone, and I respect that also. Thanks for asking about this! #widfam

[@KristenHH]

I get this, too. I have severe social anxiety as well, and my late husband understood and accepted that about me. It's hard to find anyone to accept that about someone.

[@christinawilliams6044]

I am 9 months into this grief crap. My husband passed in December 2 weeks before Christmas from covid. Grief for me is just like you said being shot with a shot gun. Some days I do ok just going through the motions it seems then some days I’m crying all day. I feel like though if I’m not grieving I’m letting my husband down. Does that even make sense!? People keep saying he wouldn’t want you to be sad all the time and I know he wouldn’t but it would be like I’m betraying him in a sense if I have a good day, if I laugh. Those kinds of things. I guess I’m too early into this to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel like people say there is.

[@OneHappyWidow]

This guilt is a normal feeling! When you transition from being sad all the time, to trying to have some sort of life and moving forward, it usually comes with some guilt, because you feel you are leaving them farther behind. It also happens if/when people start dating again. Just know that you are normal, and these feelings are common...so many of us here can relate! It is hard to see too far ahead when we are in the midst of our grief, but hindsight helps us see more clearly, especially those of us a little farther into this journey. Reach out when you need to, and join our FB group if you haven't already! facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow

[@fembot521]

I am 8 months out, my husband died suddenly, cardiac arrest right after the Christmas break on January 6th. I know my husband wouldn’t want his death to break me so that gives me strength. I know when I cry he cries for me. He was always like that, even in life. For me being extremely sad and broken would disappoint him and is not honouring his life. Just a different perspective! Sending love ❤️

[@chalikaoliver1885]

I feel the same like i have lost interest in fun stuff and I dont want to have fun or show that im enjoying myself or laughing. maybe this will change after time it is really a process and a journey

[@luvlee622]

You did a fantastic job explaining that 👏

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thank you for watching, and for your feedback! #widfam

[@simplysharon3858]

I'm 5 months in. My husband died suddenly in an accident at 53 years old. We are coming up on our 30th wedding anniversary in a couple months. I have good days and bad days. Today has been a bad one. Sometimes it feels like a fog moves over me and surrounds me and I can't get out from under it. I will have a few good days where the sun shines and then the fog moves in again.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yes, Widow’s fog is a real thing! #widfam

[@naomiferreira8255]

💯 true about the triggers. I’m 5 years out. In the beginning I felt like I was in a boat without a life jacket then I learned to paddle through the waters of life. Some times it’s rough but got to keep pushing through. Thanks for sharing your heart. Stay safe and be well. Hugs

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching and for your response! #widfam

[@jankarel6454]

My husband has been sick for nearly 19 years, and is now in the last few days. I feel like I've been shot by the shotgun way too many times, and have been left with gaping holes, instead of small pellet damage. I don't know if I'll ever be able to even approach feeling normal again, because I've been grieving for nearly two decades and we're just now to the end. There's no way to describe this clearly enough that a "civilian" could possibly understand it. The mental health folks I've talked to just want to talk about the stages of grief, and assume that if I grieve right, I'll be better in a few months. Don't think that's going to happen.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Your grief began years ago, and now it is basically on hold, waiting for you to resume after he is gone. This has to be tough, because you can't transition through the stages like everyone else, since he is still with you. Anticipatory grief is very real, and mine was only a ew months. Having it last for years has to be exhausting for you! I hope you are able to take some time to yourself sometimes and just rest, or pamper yourself. You certainly deserve it! #widfam

[@NorthernBell4612]

Jan, This is a horribly heartfelt time! I genuinely feel for you. Stay strong for the both of you! Prayers going up for you and your husband.

[@leslieewing9088]

Jan Karel - My husband had his first heart attack 16 years ago. This is hereditary. In the years since, he has been in and out of the hospital, with many more heart problems. I dread when he will die and I will be alone. I cry when he can't see me. So this is anticipatory grief. I have friends who are widows, who walked this same walk with their husbands having heart problems that went on for years. They have been helpful.

[@paulastrachan4053]

Jan, I haven't had any professional counseling, it's just not for me, but if I WERE going to see someone, it would have to be someone who had lost a spouse. I simply don't think "book knowledge" of grief is enough for a person to understand us.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I agree! Without experiencing it, there is no true empathy!

[@annekevandeven4895]

Well said. Thank you so much Leo. 🙏

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching! #widfam

[@ashleeware5561]

I lost my husband 1yr and 4months ago. My grief makes me feel like I'm treading water and any time troubles/problems come I get pulled under the water some. So, basically I'm trying not to drown. Trying to raise 2 young men without their dad is so hard. Seems like everything falls apart at the same time. We miss him more than words could ever say every single day Thanks for your videos they really are a blessing to my heart!

[@OneHappyWidow]

I understand this! I’m still trying to raise the 2 youngest, but my 2 older ones seem to be having trouble firming out life as well, so I’m still half-raising them. For mine, it seems like they take turns being in crisis mode, so I feel like I’m playing “Whack-a-mole” but with kid issues. Take care of one, another pops up. And the cycle continues! #widfam

[@BartMazur]

Great analogy with the shotgun.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching! #widfam

[@OneHappyWidow]

Add your analogy of the grieving process below!

[@invisible4644]

You’re amazing 😻

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thanks for watching! #widfam

[@mbords01]

Yes, others experience struggles too, I want to acknowledge that. But in my case, I have fallen into perpetual anger, bottled up inside. No, I am not capable of anything near being violent, but I am all aware that grieving for the loss of my husband, someone to talk, eat, debate, plan the day, travel with, has caused so much resentment in life, also I miss that life.....It is private. Others may understand, yet at the end of the day, this is my grief, I own it.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I am hoping you are able to find a way to release your emotions in a healthy way. Reach out if you ever need to! #widfam

[@nancys.100]

It felt like a thick heavy fog in the beginning, then later on just an occasional mist that settled down over me, then other things of life were mixed in like you said. Pushing on two years out. [I Got some tools to use to help books journals and a work book on the way.]

[@OneHappyWidow]

Great analogy! #widfam

[@sheilafade2016]

It will be 7 years this November, yes, there are triggers, I remember we would go to the store together and it was hard to get use to going by myself so many triggers but I can say that God has brought me thru, right after he passed I joined a Church, I believe he took this pain and yes, every holiday is hard but not like when he first passed. Our Church is filled with Widows we have a very small congregation, I often ask myself why? But, only God knows the answer to to that question. Our pain is so real, God says he is the healer of a broken heart.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Maybe your church is meant to be there for you to have people around you who understand your pain. #widfam

[@rhondawilkins_]

Hello #WISTERS [widow sisters]! 4 years WIDOWED in October 2021. GRIEF to me feels like being slowly smothered, every breath I take~ Trying to come up for air and realizing I'm never gonna breathe normally again.I will say it went from 1. heart stabbing 2. gut wrenching 3.continuous nausea 4.slowly smothering 5.everything triggering 6.ACCEPTANCE

[@OneHappyWidow]

Sounds logical! #widfam

[@Molly-eq1ix]

Working with the shotgun concept.....I think now it's not the shotgun anymore but I've come to the point where it feels like I'm a dart board. At the beginning, it seemed everything "hurt." When that happends...or you get hit by a shotgun...you don't take time to figure out what is causing the ache because it all hurts. Now when I have a grieving moment, it's more focused and more intense. I realize what's causing it and when I do, it hits harder. Thanks for the support.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Interesting take on it! #widfam

[@lilysarpong6189]

Grief to me is like a chronic illness, it lingers around us...it may sometimes seem like is gone forever then boom here it comes again another time when you are not even expecting

[@OneHappyWidow]

I can relate to that! #widfam

[@58michelleva]

It felt like a tsunami. As if I were stuck in the sand and couldn’t move. But at the same knew I couldn’t escape the emotional wave. When the wave hit, I was battered and felt like I was being torn apart. Wave after wave of emotions.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Excellent analogy! #widfam

[@nancyschaefer9748]

Numb from my husband of 33 years who died August 12,2022. Now it is like there are cracks in what I thought I could handle. I just went to the hospital where he was treated and it bowled me over.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Yes, I have had the same issues going back to his hospital. #widfam

[@nancyhrdina5842]

I know that this is a late comment but Ill try anyway. My grief even after 1 year is comparable to having very dangerous open heart surgery with half of my heart being taken away and the wound is still very open. I know he's in Heaven but I get VERY upset when I listen to people saying I'll know him when I get there but I won't live or be with him. 💔💔

[@OneHappyWidow]

I can understand that feeling…it’s hard to know or understand what it will be like in Heaven, since there will be no marriage to each other…and I will have 2 men there that I was married to lol. I’m sure what seems weird to us in Earthly terms will work itself out up there. God Bless you #widfam

[@wendyamrhein1710]

Thanks so much for sharing with us, his death is truly surreal. How can it be?

[@OneHappyWidow]

I understand this feeling #widfam

[@walterjunovich6180]

Greif for me is like a hand grenade. The pin is pulled , my hand is still around it , holding the handle down , and even day is a decision. Do I keep my hand around it or do I let go , letting it explode.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I can see that analogy. Sometimes, you can only hold it in for so long, and eventually it's going to come out. You can either choose to give yourself a designated time to let some of the pressure off, or your body will decide for you- and you'll have a meltdown sometime when it's not convenient for us! #widfam

[@BellaVeraCo.]

Hey, I've be watching your videos for almost 6 weeks. I lost my wife 3 months ago. I appreciate you taking time to make these videos. Thank you. I'm now interested in joining the Facebook group. Please help.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Thank you for watching and sharing your feedback. You can join our group here: facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow

[@deirdrehennessey5192]

Then I felt like a huge piece of me was missing - like a jigsaw missing a piece but the missing piece is the shape of my husband no longer inside me but lost and I can’t find it.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I used the puzzle analogy just the other day! #widfam

[@myliverandme]

My grief feels like someone has put a giant weight on my chest. I want to say that over time the weight isn't as heavy, but it depends on the day.💔

[@OneHappyWidow]

I agree. Some days are “heavier” than others! #widfam

[@lediadarrow7079]

Grief for me I'm in my 9th month of grief. It's still pretty fresh for me, I still haven't dealt with doing away with any of his things. Is that a problem or should I take my time? I have had a few good days is how I put it not as consumed by the grief but then it returns full force. Iam seeing a councilor and a psychiatrist is there any hope of me being able to not have to see them. Thanks for sharing.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Ledia, take as long as you need to go through his things. Somehow, we all just get to that point where we know "it's time" and we just go through that next step. Don't rush it, let it happen...and it will. As for the counseling, you might need it for a while, then take a break, and maybe need it again...it all depends on you! Listen to your heart, and follow where it leads...our heads will not be able to make sense of the madness that our grief is putting us through! Be kind to yourself, #widfam

[@lediadarrow7079]

Thank you for your reply. Today was really a rough day. Seemed depressed all day. What are somethings to do to try and ease the depression. I feel Like I'm losing my mind.

[@OneHappyWidow]

@@lediadarrow7079 Maybe a change of scenery, or doing something to take your mind off of your loss and the triggers surrounding you. Also, feel free to join our Facebook group, where there are so many supportive people who are happy to chime in with so many answers to questions like this! facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow

[@jeankarcher2460]

11 months for me. Grief feels like I'm a hamster on a wheel. Everyday I run and run and never get anywhere. Part of me is still in denial and it's when I get real with myself that I will never see him again that the grief catches up to me. The rest of the time I pretend all is well so that family and friends will want to spend time with me.

[@OneHappyWidow]

That’s a normal stage of your grieving process. Once you transition to accepting that reality, it may hurt more for a while, but then you will learn how to live through it and begin to heal and also make a new life for yourself. Nobody wants to do it, but it’s one of those necessary steps in the process. Prayers to you! #widfam

[@fembot521]

I feel that way too, like I have to be happy so my friends and family will keep wanting to be around me. It sucks.

[@christinamiller3831]

Mine is feeling like God smacked me upside the head. I'm not angry or mad at God. (It's like when one of our kids is crying and we say, I'll give you something to cry about) but just like HE smacked me and said, I'll give you a reason to get some real focus on me girl.

[@OneHappyWidow]

Amen, Sister! #widfam

[@lindalichtenstein8163]

I think that my grief has been like someone coming up behind you without you seeing them and then stabbing you and then running away.i think this is because the death was unexpected.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I’m so sorry #widfam

[@janehouston4595]

When does the constant pain in my heart and anxiety (controlled panic) disappear? I am at two and a half years and, though I am doing a lot better, I still have a painful heart. I'm so sick of it!

[@OneHappyWidow]

Every heals at their own pace…but if you think you are stuck in your grieving process, you might want to seek out some professional support. #widfam

[@susanmendoza2041]

I’m a widow for 6 wks and I don’t understand why my love went so fast? When he went he took 1/2 of me I don’t know how to go forward he as so healthy 2 mons ago I’m kinda. Mad at god from taking him we were married 51 yrs! I had to turn my car in as I can’t pay for live with daughter an husband but would be happier in my owe place but don’t know what to do our kids r all grown up I think I need to talk to someon

[@OneHappyWidow]

You are certainly still in fresh grief and reeling from your loss- so many emotions and questions right now! I would seek out a therapist to talk to, or even sign up for Grief Share, it’s usually very cheap or even free in most cases. Join our FB group for more support: www.Facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow

[@marshamagic8551]

It’s being alone in an ocean.

[@OneHappyWidow]

I can relate to this one….looking in all directions and seeing nothing and no one. #widfam

[@snowyowlz5992]

On the grief side like being struck and dragged a looonngggg ways. 💩

[@OneHappyWidow]

I hear ya! #widfam

[@louisegraham5863]

LIKE A BOMB WENT OFF N ONE CRASHES INSIDE

[@OneHappyWidow]

Interesting! #widfam

[@nancyschaefer9748]

Walking in a fog in a strange world

[@OneHappyWidow]

I can relate, but that fog does clear over time.

[@peace5194]

People don’t understand we lost our best friend our other half 😢

[@OneHappyWidow]

I agree!

[@stormyrollins5155]

Grief is like a box of chocolates… you never know what you’re gonna get

[@OneHappyWidow]

And that’s all I have say….about that. #widfam