DUKE NUKEM FOREVER: FOR REAL THIS TIME (Zero Punctuation)

[@SomeGuyWithAFace9]

I think my favorite part about duke nukem forever is that since your heatlh bar is your ego bar, and you have regenerating health, you have duke literally sitting in a corner until he feels better about himself

[@NickNiccelson]

There is actually a video on /user/Campster that talks about what this and many other mechanics imply in a similar manner. It even has a section where Emo Duke is singing "How could this happen to me."

[@fictionarch]

I never thought of that. thats great.

[@Asliferollson]

Wish I could do that

[@chickencurry420]

I love the idea that bullets don't hurt him, he just gets bummed out that he's been shot

[@Worgen33]

@Vox Populi Pretty much but Duke doesn't need to hold a rally full of sycophants to feel better about himself.

[@jamesgraham4521]

I wish they would make a good Duke Nukem game called “Duke Nukem Forever For Real This Time” just to mess with Yahtzee

[@Quantumironturtle]

I even know what it should be about. When Yahtzee mentioned how DNF is practically a cross section of shooters over the past decade and a half, I thought, "Hmm, that sounds interesting." Duke Nukem Forever For Real This Time should be that, but on purpose, acting as a commentary/satire/history lesson of how FPS has changed since it was first introduced.

[@ozzymandias8137]

Architect Ironturtle so it starts as a cover shooter, it becomes futuristic with double jumps and mechs, then it ends as fortnite

[@Quantumironturtle]

@@ozzymandias8137 That would be the second half. The first half starts with Doom the original.

[@lexslate2476]

@@Quantumironturtle The most important part about it, the really critical detail that I have at this point minimal faith in Pitchford's ability to deliver, is that the resulting game needs to be actually good. Gearbox should have taken a look at the pile of crap that 3D Realms gave them for their purchase and immediately demanded their money back, not desperately stapled it together and shipped the resulting embarrassment to everything with an interface.

[@JonMalbrough]

I was really upset that the Cooking Mama level was removed.

[@newsuperstevebros]

U wot, m8?

[@ApexJaggi]

And the tearful reunion between Duke and his daughter, where she dry humps his leg~

[@ST0PM0SS]

Also the bit where it was good.

[@yacabo111]

Yea, it really touched my heart when the alien priest said what I think was "you may kiss the bride"

[@AndyStriker13LP]

what have i been missing? is there a way to play it?

[@maxayson9386]

To be fair, Yahtzee wrote one of the kindest reveiws on this game, which is a suprise

[@thecko98]

That's because everybody else was expecting the game to be the shit.

[@banditorazor6345]

Mas Despacio To be fair, as the blurb at the end points out, he knew it was going to be shit....just not shit to /this/ degree.

[@Requ1escat1nPACE]

If I had bought this game, I probably would have returned to gamestop later that day with a shotgun

[@CelibateSaihara]

Tim Sola that's because Tobuscus isnt a real gamer he's the PewDiePie brand of mindless video game player for attention and views. The kind of guy who would like flappy bird for instance.

[@CelibateSaihara]

Tim Sola I think he can't tell a good game from a bad one.

[@diegofloor]

The original DN was a satire of action heroes of the 90s. But it's like for this version they didn't know it was a satire. So stuff like "hail to the king, baby", originally an Evil Dead reference, is now presented as a DN line. This creates a tone shift from humorous character that no one takes seriously to an asshole character no one likes. It's a fine line, I admit.

[@jtroopa]

+diegofloor Truly it's Cerebus Syndrome gone awry. Probably the result of, once again, the developers not understanding what it was that made the original work popular in the first place.

[@misterbadguy7325]

I don't think it's Cerebus, it's more like that old Descartes quote about how if you act like an idiot, you'll inevitably attract actual idiots. And it's especially common with characters who are supposed to be parodies of "badass" characters, because the very nature of parody is exaggeration to absurdity, and the nature of a badass is exaggerated and impressive feats. So a parody of badass characters inevitably finds himself just being a more impressive version of the original flavor. Perfect example: Lobo. He's clearly a parody of the archetype, because everything about him is fucking absurd. He can regenerate from his own blood, he wiped out his own species for fun, he's immortal because both Heaven and Hell don't want him, and he killed Santa Claus. But a lot of people who like the character find themselves genuinely and unironically wowed by him.

[@d3nza482]

@@misterbadguy7325 Warhammer 40k and the fact that it was envisioned as ironic. Fans didn't get the joke.

[@crazyltfreak]

Yahtzee should make a joke review of half life 3, maybe then it'll come out...

[@alexstapleton6339]

Yeah then people will shut up about it

[@alexstapleton6339]

On963 Watching goddammit

[@abloodraven3856]

Goddammit has 9 letters in it. 9 divided by 3 = 3. Half Life 3 Confirmed. Sorry, I just had to do it!

[@alexstapleton6339]

*SMACK*

[@pesokpesok]

way to steal my joke from fake duke review dude

[@hb6x8]

To be fair, the end of Samurai Jack took 13 years to see the light of day and was pretty tucking sweet so sometimes it can live up to expectations.

[@jackmesrel4933]

That's the exception that confirms the rule

[@brodericksiz625]

I have mixed feelings about that... on one hand, the final season of Samurai Jack as a whole was amazing and a surprisingly good send off to the original series, but on the other hand the actual end was a bit disappointing and anticlimactic. I’m not talking about the girl not staying around for the happy ever after, I’m absolutely down for bittersweet endings, but the final battle with Haku was really disappointing for me. I once saw a video explaining that a good fight scene happens can be equated to a dialogue, in which both parties go back and forth proposing arguments and responding with counter arguments, with twists and turns that can happen even without speaking a single word. I agree with this idea of a good fight scene. If the final fight between Jack and Haku had been a dialogue, it would have gone like “I have a sword and I can finally beat you” “No you can’t” enter the chick “yeah he can” “bitch you kill him” “no honey please don’t kill me” “oh ok I’m fine now, thanks” “aaah my sexy mako sound-alike voice isn’t enough to save me, guess I’m fucked” THE END. I guess I expected more, especially given how good the rest of the season was.

[@TARINunit9]

@@brodericksiz625 The finale is absolutely rushed, I agree. But it wasn't so rushed that it felt contrived, and to me that makes all the difference. They had just enough room in three previous episodes to set up the return of Jack's allies, so we get an actual payoff instead of a random deus ex. I'm sad we didn't get a Future Jack vs Future Aku finale, but there is genuine catharsis in Future Jack slaughtering Past Aku (also his name is Aku, not Haku)

[@brainflash1]

The final season was alright but that finale.... ugh.

[@prcervi]

At the very least, the series got its long awaited ending. Wasn't a perfect one it very dearly deserved but it was finally ended.

[@onhold1706]

Fun fact: This game may have shifted engines multiple times, but the game that shipped ended up launching on the Unreal Engine. Around the time of this game's release, there was the Unreal Engine 3. But this game didn't use the Unreal Engine 3. It used Unreal Engine 1. ONE. I mean, I gotta give them credit for that. They managed to make and release a game in an engine that was generations out of date and still managed to port it to then-current gen consoles (Xbox 360 and PS3) when UE1 was designed to work with the Dreamcast, PS2, and Gamecube. That probably also explains a lot of the bugs, loading times, and framerate issues.

[@BottomOfTheDumpsterFire]

Duke Nukem Forever was made on Unreal 3, not Unreal 1. While it looks like shit, it's high-fidelity, which is something Unreal 1 wasn't designed for. The reason why it's buggy, unoptimized, and loads forever was because it was made by Gearbox, the company well-renowned for making games like Battleborn and Aliens: Colonial Marines, rushed in a year and a half with nobody actually understanding that Duke was satire and playing him straight would have been a terrible choice.

[@jmurray1110]

Imagine if it was still using id tech 1

[@Destructerator]

For those who don't know, Yahtzee wrote a script for this game that portrayed Duke as an ironic character, the only way to portray this character well in our times. They rejected it. And here we are.

[@barraki92reborn]

Destructerator In all honesty an ironic rendition of Duke Nukem Forever would've probably worked more in it's favor. If the aliens actually WERE coming to make peace with the Earth in regards to their earlier attacks, and Duke was the one who instigated the war instead of being the hero people remember him by, that would've added a good layer of complexity to the game. Maybe have it be that one half of the alien government wants to let bygones be bygones, and the other half wants to go back to basics and try to conquer Earth like they attempted several times beforehand. So in the midst of the Alien Civil War, Duke assumes that all the aliens are here to harvest everyone and indiscriminately starts killing them all; which actually begins the war with humanity the Pro-Human Aliens were looking to avoid. Thanks to Duke's shoot first attitude, now the Earth is smack-dab in the middle of a massive conflict with every side dragged into a huge mess. You've got the Alien Civil War going on between their own forces, Earth's soldiers fighting the aliens who actually WANT to conquer Earth, Earth's governments who are trying to stop Duke from making things even worse than they already are, and Duke himself who's so caught up in his old ways that he doesn't realize that he's making things worse by not asking any questions about what's actually going on. I'm not saying the game should be dark or gritty or anything like that (far from it, that shit ruins a franchise like DN; as shown with The Hive level) but playing with the concept that perhaps the chest-beating, macho gunslinger is the one who escalated the situation in the first place, could've made for some good self-aware satire.

[@VanTemplar]

Kenpachi Ramasama That's an interesting idea actually. I really miss the "people are turning into monsters" idea that was present in the Duke Nukem Forever trailer from 2001. I guess they thought it makes the game way too serious, and with al honesty I think they could have made the game a tiny bit more serious just like in that trailer.

[@barraki92reborn]

Van Steel Plus, you very rarely see the 'macho hero' archetype be toyed around with in terms of satire. Old time-y heroes like Duke Nukem were able to function successfully in the past because they were a product of their time. They were everything said era associated with being 'cool' at the time, which is what gave them their sense of charm. However, if you're going to try to adopt a product of the times into something more modern, you have to play around with it a bit other than what it's associated with usually being. If you don't, then you're trying to make a twenty year old Fad Character funny when he'd be nothing but horribly dated to how things function now. Hence why I mentioned satirizing Duke's character would've helped Forever out a bit more. Maybe the 'shoot first, think later' attitude causes more problems than it fixes.

[@mexican_mudkipz9535]

Destructerator www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/video-games/columns/extra-punctuation/9002-Yahtzee-Could-Have-Written-Duke-Nukem-Forever

[@nerdyvids1]

Kenpachi Ramasama It also would have had the potential for being absolutely hilarious if they set it up and delivered it right

[@JaghataiK]

That singer suicide ending is just so appropriate, hats off Yahtzee!

[@SteeZy644]

"First show of the long-awaited comeback tour and the singer's hanged himself on the microphone cord. But he's trying to sing anyway, forcing on a smile and choking out lyrics in between grotesque spasms. And you're wondering whether it's kinder to cut him down or swing on his legs to help him on his way." To this day, I still think this is my favorite ending line from Yahtzee.

[@elephantofdoom]

The funny thing is this game was rushed. None of the work from 3D Realms went into this game, it was all made a year or two before release.

[@RarefoilB]

I heard the opposite. Most if not all of what 3D Realms made is this game, it was just finally given the polish by another company. And by what 3D Realms made, I mean this was a polished version of, like, version 5 of DNF they made. Or to use Yahtzee's colloquialism, the fifth house they made upstream for the boat.

[@keithadams7738]

The Elephant of Doom to be honest whether Gearbox rushed the game or not, neither outcome would surprise me in the least, knowing now how much of a charlatan Randy Pitchford is.

[@Shadowslash1]

@The Elephant of Doom If I recall, bascially after being passed around like a hot potato, no one wanted to actually finish it. That's when Gearbox (and if memory serves the people in Gearbox who came from 3D Realms) picked it up to actually finish it. One of the two big problems was that, since so many people put their hands in the pie, they couldn't make it like they wanted to, because problem two: A lot of the people who had their hands on it before didn't understand Duke Nukem. The other producers definitely (not sure if the small bit of humor as 'all' Gearbox or not but wouldn't surprise me) made it WAY too serious, which killed the Duke Nukem experience.

[@jonathanhershey7853]

I'm pretty sure they ditched several attempts at the game throughout those 13 years, and conjured up this sack of shit within about a year of release.

[@UnBR0k3enAngel]

The fact that Yahtzee's first gaming related script could've come from Duke Nukem Forever...

[@IchibansBeefBowl]

probably would have made the game a lot better.... only maybe though.

[@trevorfarrell5047]

He mentioned that his original script was rejected for being too lighthearted and wacky, somewhat unlike Duke's "Character", and he was asked to rewrite it, or something of the sort. He felt uncomfortable with doing something against his personal grain and dropped the prospect.

[@RarefoilB]

Trevor Farrell | The reason for rejection was that the script was a lot more satirical and self-aware, mocking Duke and making him the butt of most of the jokes. But George Boussard keep saying "Would Duke really say this or do this?", and thus Yahtzee walked when the more straight re-write he was asked for didn't make sense to him.

[@trevorfarrell5047]

Something like that. Thanks for the clarification. :P

[@stalk8r]

0:49 - I am starting to get the same vibe about Half Life 3.

[@nonuvurbeeznus795]

first step to get hl3gud get rid of gordon freeman the mute fuck is so boring you could tape a crowbar and some roller skates to a section of drywall with paint already dried.

[@DiamondMinerDJC00]

Nonuv Urbeeznus *facepalm*

[@UnknownAssailant153]

Nonuv Urbeeznus 90 % of Protagonists today are absolute fucking garbage having a mute protagonist is better than having a shitty one.

[@redenginner]

The only person who could vioce gordon freeman is ross scott, if they did not get him to do it, i think half of the machinima community would burn their office down.

[@stalk8r]

900bot Indeed. A sequel that will never, EVER live up to the expectations.

[@Catasros]

this video contains 190 separate pictures excluding the into but including the outro. . . . What? I've nothing better to do.

[@WanderingIdiot81]

Catasros I want a total for every review! Get to it!

[@cam-a-lot1973]

+Catasros No $#!@~ I was (and I swear I'm not being sarcastic) I was JUST wondering what the editing process for a video like this is like! XD

[@minhkhangtran6948]

Still less of a waste of time Duke Nukem Forever turn out to be, apparently

[@dowom1452]

4 years and you still didn't notice "into"

[@rossmore4682]

Thanks, I love useless trivia.

[@joedav67]

i actually wanna splice 5 minutes of The Human Centipede into Mall Rats. Then be like, "Wanna watch Mall Rats?"

[@joedav67]

Tom Jackal Nah. People will leave after the first minute. I want to make it so that Mall Rats plays for an hour, then The Human Centipede shows up for five minutes, then back to Mall Rats. Then people will be like "What the FUCK!?" and I will be laughing my ass off.

[@SGresponse]

Queue up for the unoriginality stamp, mr. Durden.

[@napalmkitty6686]

SGresponse lol nice burn

[@carlyhamilton7167]

The only issue here is that you'd have to get someone to agree to watch Mall Rats.

[@RatelHBadger]

Don't give Kevin Smith any ideas... have you seen Tusk? He might just do it, as part of his own editing.

[@tonypatrick7783]

I didn't grow up with Duke Nukem, but it's genuinely sad to see the result of more than a decade of development hell be so distanced from both its roots and modern quality. I'm serious, by the way.

[@psychowordsmith]

Between this and Fat Axl Rose, I'm over 90% of my nostalgia.

[@KeiyentaiYotaiya]

Sad thing is Jon St. John (for the people who live under a rock the voice of Duke Nukem) had to do three or four separate voice sessions cause they kept changing everything. He had high hopes for DNF cause since he was just a voice actor they didn't let him really see anything during dev just "read the script" and he is wanting a better Duke Nukem game to come out that will repair the damage of DNF and be the game that fans wanted. Though the PC version is still fun from a nostalgia view...console ports that's a hard pill the swallow...

[@QxCooL]

Yahtzee's hat being removed in the credits was genius.

[@emilygordbort7300]

I don't get it

[@DILFDylF]

Pro Tip: You can get Duke Nukem 3D: Megaton Edition, Shadow Warrior Classic Redux, Oddworld: Abe's Oddysee, and Volgarr the Viking for one dollar (American) on Humble Bundle right now. That is at the very least two really good games for the cost of a mediocre cheeseburger.

[@replicasftw5742]

Making ads and being a cockstain all in one really fucking overrated game character...

[@SaladSnackGetInThere]

Shut up and go stop metal gear.

[@DILFDylF]

James Robbins Where can I find a *sniper rifle*?

[@SaladSnackGetInThere]

Mr. Big Snake Uuuh... At a *gun store.*

[@DILFDylF]

James Robbins Tell me more about *gun stores*.

[@firestarter6488]

That ending bit could be said about Battlefront EA....

[@Smokeyourselfstraighttohell]

+Firestarter Or you know, the whole game.

[@firestarter6488]

^hehe.... that's what I meant....

[@firestarter6488]

james wolfsbane EA's Battlefront. I'm a long-time fan of the ones made by Pandemic (May they rest in peace) Hell, I bought a PS2, JUST for those two games! (Okay, and Mercanaries, another flawless gem made by Pandemic)

[@gryphonwilson7415]

+james wolfsbane Okay, quick question? How could one who has played the originals play the new one and not compare the two? What is the logic of not looking at a remake, a crap remake, of a beloved series and not compare the two. Look at the new Robocop, alone, it's eh, compared to the originals it gets worse. Why remake or reboot anything really? Actually, reboots are okay, as they being in new writers to reinvent the idea, but a remake is just made from no imagination. So again, how could you play the original Battlefronts and play the new one and not be utterly disgusted with EA for the sheer lack of content for a 60 dollar game, that to get the full experience you need to by a 50 dollar season pass, effectively doubling the price.

[@Xollob2]

+Gryphon Wilson 0

[@yadidimeanmaine]

If this review wasn't for comedic value I'd call out a conflict of interests since Yahtzee submitted an audition script for this game that ended up being rejected for portraying Duke in a more ironic d-bag kind of way that makes the lead the butt of the joke. I'd still like to see that.

[@yadidimeanmaine]

+RTKTS Just check his wiki: en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ben_Croshaw He was made an offer to write the script, but the offer was overruled by a higher-up at 3D Realms.

[@Clara_Page]

ThatOneGuy Whatttt! and they turned him down now that is more ridiculous that the amount of time spent making the game

[@Greener221]

Dude, that was maybe 10 years ago. Yahtzee was still making Chzo Mythos back then. Whatever upsets he had, he got over. Besides, Broussard treats everyone like shit, he should know not to spite.

[@Savior20061]

According to Wiki, 3DS asked him to do it in the first place. Even if the review had been serious a "conflict of interest" isn't a big deal. Just about everyone agrees that Forever was shit at worst and painfully mediocre at best.

[@Savior20061]

***** He mentioned it in one of his Extra Punctuation articles. He admitted he didn't think his own script was good, and didn't even know any of the devs had liked it until one of the former ones said so in an interview later.

[@InflatableVampire]

Yahtzee should do a joke review of Half Life 3

[@charliethmpsn15]

YES OH MY GOD YES

[@sleepy0]

As long as it'll come out a few months later, I'd be cool with it!

[@TravisLackey]

Oi, Yahtzee, how about you do a fake review of Half Life 3, so they can release the real version already??

[@alperakyuz9702]

so it can dissapoint

[@nobodi12]

this aged well

[@ironwolg]

the endings always crack me up

[@numbusgames]

I like to play a game on Zero Punctuation videos where I try to pause the video before the outro music begins because the punch lines are pretty obvious most of the time, but they still make me crack up :)

[@Kemonokami]

I love the Human Centipede series, because it reminds me of a happier time in my life when there was no such thing as the Human Centipede series.

[@ShroudedWolf51]

The most interesting fact I know of this game is that it doesn't use Unreal Engine 3. It uses a heavily modified version of Unreal Engine 1. Fucking mind blowing considering when it came out.

[@realSkarm]

Oh God. The ending made me choke on AIR!

[@krisfrosz133]

Haha! I did not think about the "DNF - Did Not Finish" joke. Awesome!

[@timebomb4562]

seriously when he made that bit at the end i just wanted to cry for the singer the moral dilemma of whether to cut him down or help him on his way is the sort of thing that keeps me awake at night

[@msarge2853]

i hope this dosent happen to HL3

[@SuperMrDoctorwho]

M Sarge You know it would if it did come out. That's why Valve won't release it I suppose. It's been too long. That and Valve don't really make games any-more due to Steam. They can just sell other people/companies games

[@TARINunit9]

M Sarge That's assuming the fucking game even comes out now that Valve has flat-out admitted they don't want to anymore

[@stanal-adam4914]

M Sarge Don't worry, comrade. Valve will surely release HL3 with the cure for ebola and rid the world of evil. Why else would they take so long to release it? WHY ELSE VALVE

[@msarge2853]

Stan Al-Adam that was beautiful.

[@SuperMrDoctorwho]

M Sarge In all seriousness though I don't think it will as Half-Life 3 hasn't really been in development and just about everyone who cares, knows this information. Duke Nukem had the problem of being developed too long Half-Life 3 could probably be decent if 1 they don't rush. 2 they don't jerk off like 3D realms did with DN:F. The Number Gaben must hate... Number 3. Finnaly they do not rush either.

[@juliovictormanuelschaeffer8370]

"You were supposed to be the savior!" - Broussard to Yhatzee.

[@dragonkingofthestars]

Where can i get a HAMMER OF LIES would be a nice thing to put up on my wall

[@smokinggnu6584]

This was 8 years ago. I feel so old.

[@E1craZ4life]

The memories have gone stale, indeed.

[@MrDoctorofWarz]

I actually found a bit of irony in this review. Everyone was expecting Yahtzee to make this huge video about how insultingly bad DNF was, just like everyone, including Yahtzee in his joke review, expected the game itself to be wanky good fun. But I honestly felt sincerity and regret in Yahtzee's voice when he said "I have pushed better games off subway platforms when they have had less problems thatn this". It seems like Yahtzee matured as a reviewer, just like he wanted the game to do the same... Or maybe I'm just over-thinking it and should accuse both of them for secretly motorboating each other's balls until they develop pendulum scrotum.

[@leathery420]

duke nukem 3d was pretty badass, loved how on the hardest difficulty the enemies would come back to life unless you destroyed their corpses, so to save ammo you'd go around kicking the shit out of the enemy corpses after a fire fight. Was lots of fun to play with friends.

[@AarturoSc]

"In the Kingdom of the Blind the quadruple bollocks man is king!" OH MY GOD! xD

[@ThePa1riot]

2:11 I'm almost afraid to ask but what exactly happened that warranted a Human Centipede comparison?

[@KingVirus68]

Wall breasts. No, seriously. Literal breasts on the walls. That you can slap to gain "Ego". And Duke even quips "Got milk?" when he does so.

[@ThePa1riot]

General Snuggles Oh, well it's gross but Yahtzee mentioned that separately. I'm almost kind of let down. Then again I'd hate to think what other lurid ideas that they could have squeezed into this mess just for the purpose of shock value.

[@stroheker1]

Anthony Clay well there is also a bunch of women getting raped and dying a sight at which duke promptly makes a joke and keeps going.

[@ThePa1riot]

stroheker1 You know there are really some things that people should know don't go with their project. You would not put a cheery musical number in the middle of Saving Private Ryan and . . . yeah seriously rape?! In a game where you kick an alien's eye over the goalposts of a football stadium? Does that sound like the two would mesh?!

[@Protoman85]

Anthony Clay They're not getting raped in front of you, it's implied and when he sees them they're pregnant. I agree it was a gross part of the game I could WELL have done without, but you still should stick to the truth

[@Tomatenmark13579]

"because norhing they could produce could live up to 13 years of anticipation" Valve would beg to differ

[@Aivottaja]

What they should do is write a book about this DNF. Maybe couple it with a Blu-Ray that chronicles all the versions throughout the years with gamplay footage and specific technical data.

[@hall9111]

20 to 30 million dollars and 12 years. Let that sink in for a moment. All that time and money could have been used to make about 8 masterpieces. What is wrong with this industry that someone invested 20 to 30 million dollars and 12 years on a piece of shit like this? I know it's been three years, but I still can't wrap my head around that.

[@margyoan97]

Foodfight took about 11 years to be made and costed a rough 65 million smackaroos.

[@Tylericous]

Development hell. Nothing makes sense there.

[@NamelessPlayerOfficial]

Like Yahtzee said "Let's all laugh at an industry that never learned anything tee hee hee"

[@YukoAsho]

Damian Freeman Well, the $500 mil wasn't just on the game, but on the stupidly aggressive marketing and for work on more games (probably a sequel). I can see the sense in Destiny at least, even if it is a complete waste of time from a developer once known for amazing story and gameplay.

[@TheLolzKnight]

The Phrase "Too big to fail"comes to mind.

[@MercuryAlphaInc]

I haven't watched the episode yet, but I just want to comment before I do, because, if I know this guy as good from watching his vids as I think I do... I'm going to be in for a goddamn treat! If you ever read this, your sarcasm is like a drug to people who understand it and a poison to those who don't... And I love it!

[@6abial]

It would have been really cool if duke nukem forever was about duke maturing

[@malataur]

Pick up a turd from a toilet. Put it in your shopping basket. Pay for it at the check-out counter. Play it and hope for the best.

[@quimblyjones9767]

Now I want Creamed Rice...

[@WordedDrake]

I kinda liked Duke Nukem Forever.. But for me it was like a ''Hey, cool new game!'' I got for 20 bucks.. I didn't wait 13 years for it...

[@ZuzaZaleno]

Although I didn't wait 14 years, I did wait for ages for this game to be released and I liked it. Unlike most games it had a sense of humour and didn't force me to walk in a straight line and admire colourful vistas that could be made by an autistic child with a box of crayons. But now that I think about it, maybe it was the anticipation that ruined it. If half life 3 is finally released is it going to DNF us or will everyone be jizzing rainbows on Gabens forehead

[@baronteapot4265]

I think it was unfinished. The lighting, particularly in the outdoor monster truck levels, looks awful and poorly shaded; like every inch of it is given the exact same ambient color and intensity. I don't know what went wrong, but it looks unfinished. Objects are scaled weirdly, too, and it makes Duke seem about 5 feet tall and 2 feet wide. The levels are all incredibly bare, with very few enemies on screen at once. Being a fan of the original game, this was quite annoying; you plod slowly from place to place, shoot 2 aliens, then plod around for another 5 minutes. There's a problem with the physics that's similar to the 'Doom 3' problem of dead enemies flying around like they're made of paper. It gives the impression that nothing has any real weight to it and it's surreal, which really took me out of it, 'cause every time I was about to get into it and begin kicking alien arse, I'd shoot an enemy with the pistol and they'd do a triple somersault and then roll about before disappearing. The original 'Duke Nukem 3D' managed to be charming because of its protagonist, but Forever had me rolling my eyes at Duke. Yes, it was funny, but it was mostly the sort of humour that makes you groan. The sections I enjoyed were the shrunken mini-games, which had a great sense of variety, and I've never really played a game where I could do that. That was a lot of fun, like the bit in the burger joint where you have to rescue that girl. Speaking of NPCs, they constantly repeat the same stupid dialogue like their brains have been replaced with cement. I'm not surprised someone like Duke Nukem managed to become so famous when the rest of the human race is so violently retarded. The best bits were being able to play with almost everything and pick it up. It added a little fun to the horrible combat and tired one-liners.

[@SalveMonesvol]

15 years... one would expect them to have the game finished over one year prior to release and use the time to polish it. But no.

[@EpicMicky300]

+SalveMonesvol development hell drags everyone down, and just when you think "its better this way that no one know the truth" it shits you out for all the world to see and mock. Very depressing really.

[@SalveMonesvol]

+EpicMicky300 for me one key factor is to use a future proof engine. If you use something like cry engine 2 back in 2005 or 2006, and the game takes 10 years, you can just upgrade some aspects and still have it look good enough.

[@EpicMicky300]

+SalveMonesvol i really doubt it was that simple for them. who knows how many times they had to restart from scratch?

[@timebomb4562]

fun fact re4 was stuck in development hell for a bit fortunately they brought it out in good time and produced something that lived up to the anticipation for the most part

[@caster25000]

"There goes Old Man Yahtzee," cry the children of the village, "he's the chump who decided that just because Duke Nukem Forever hadn't come out in thirteen years and its developers had gone down the plughole that it was safe to make a joke review that hinged entirely on Duke Nukem Forever never actually seeing the light of day, but now it has and he has so much egg on his face that you could slap him with a frying pan and call him an omelette. Har har har." That's quite a needlessly long chant.

[@MiosPanties]

HAHAHAHAHA That joke is so funny! And yet I feel like I've heard it before... Recently in fact... Hmmm...

[@caster25000]

Do you happen to be one of the children from the village taunting Old Man Yahtzee?

[@christ2581]

Final score: 0/10 No dolphin racing

[@cshos66]

1:18 flying saucers :)

[@sobelle109]

Anyone who reads this: We all know we are quite pissed at Duke Nukem Forever, and how it snubbed Ocarina of Time off the charts, so if you want a effective way to explain your hatred for Duke Nukem, here's how: When someone mentions Duke Nukem in any way possible, yell out "Duke Nukem For Never!" And then beat them down until they're knocked unconscious. If you're also a Zelda fan with a marker, draw the Triforce on their face. Enjoy using this tactic and hope you don't get arrested!

[@alexanderharveyconrad2409]

Interesting...

[@Kemonokami]

The Hive level can best be described as Duke thinking that if grotesque hentai is so common on the internet then most people on the internet love it and therefore they'll like him for showing it to them, but when he decides to play it all on a jumbotron before a massive crowd of gamers, he's assaulted with rotten vegetables, disgust-vomit and accusations of misogyny before being escorted away by the police. That wasn't too strained a metaphor, was it?

[@amienabled6665]

I wonder if he'll talk about the 2001 leak

[@DrCruel]

That last bit about the singer reminded me of Lazarus.

[@imeanokaysureman]

Wow, that was reeeeeeealy dark

[@dewbs815]

I love how the description calls him "Fast-talking Ben 'Yahtzee' Croshaw." Sounds like an old western villain which I can certainly imagine Yahtzee being.

[@SobiesawChabaz]

Shadow Warrior 2013 is a better Duke Nukem game than Duke Nukem Forever.

[@therideneverends1697]

shadow warrior 2013 was fucking amazeing

[@Seargent363]

Because that actually advanced with the times while still keeping the original's tone.

[@therideneverends1697]

***** PRECICELY!

[@loungedemon]

"Humpa humpa hoo" isn't used nearly enough in modern day conversation

[@nvbl2806]

The game would have been better if they accepted your script, Ben

[@acw215079]

Not even every few years anymore, it's come down to just about every November now.

[@harrison6082]

Imagine what valve could of achieved with that time. Or if 3D realms at least copied their technique.

[@Xarlable]

These videos never get boring even if I already watched them before, but damn these ones are behind to the ones in the website.

[@feelz_4_dayz885]

that fencing foil tho

[@geromemaurer5268]

3:21 If his inner voice is turning on himself this must be the definition of bad

[@pi8869]

then it got leaked

[@rhynot9153]

I received it as a secret santa present at a late christmas party I went to. One of my best friends got it for me, and we both laughed because 1. I didn't thank him - I know what he had just given me and 2. it was a 5 - 10 dollar gift limit.

[@LemonRush7777]

BLUNDER OF THE MILLENIUM

[@dakotaandrews2386]

"And you're trying to decide whether it's kind to cut him down, or swing on his legs to help him on his way." lol!

[@jamesreid9284]

I'm so glad I wasn't suckered into buying Duke Nukem Forever. Something about this game seemed "off" when I first laid eyes on the title...

[@clintoncollins9858]

I bought it for 3 bucks like 3 weeks ago and im loving it!

[@someloser8957]

+Clinton Collins that's probably because you only had to pay 3 dollars for at best a mediocre shooter.

[@mikedawolf95]

The funny part is that bulletstorm did come out with dlc that lets you play as duke nukem.

[@finalbossoftheinternet6360]

The dated graphics didn't ruin it for me... but the clunky controls and shitty gameplay sure did.

[@TerribleResults]

It's a picture, taken by German photographer Thomas Ruff, that is part of a series called "Portraits" (a series of headshots, resembling large-scale passport photos, and where the subjects did not show any facial expression). The man, who is uncredited, was the most emotionless person in the series, and Yahtzee found comedy in his extreme expressionlessness.

[@DemonGaming100]

I just finished all the hunger games books and Harry potter books and got high wore it of drove around state and the loading is still fucking going dung hell meth and good enough

[@jchris1934]

wait what 0.o?

[@thenamespsi6535]

Such English.

[@Yakushi0Mikatsu]

***** At last he didn't lie about being high

[@Slider1207]

Yakushi Mikatsu And that makes his barely coherent rambling better... how?

[@Yakushi0Mikatsu]

Slider1207 No , but he didn't lie, gave him props for that

[@kingoffriesthekingwillrise1701]

The music in the intro of zero punctuation rocks.

[@RagingKarma2]

Once my kid is like 6 years old all he is doing for 2 months is playing an NES and a PS2.

[@sobosswagner]

NES and SNES games. Ps2 is not retro enough.

[@hankhill242productions6]

+Cascaded Volcano the ps2 will be retro in about 7 years

[@TheMotorhead30]

* chris bale voice* "you're batman!"

[@iguanaboi3921]

this kinda fear for half life 3

[@BloodySunnday]

This ending is fucking savage.

[@pr0xZen]

_"Nothing tbey release can live up to 13 years of anticipation"_ I dunno Yahtzee. There were 12 years between Doom 3 and the 2016 reboot, and IMO that _surpassed_ the anticipation and expectations.

[@E1craZ4life]

Was the reboot first announced right after Doom 3?

[@pr0xZen]

@@E1craZ4life Well, not directly. Doom 3 was clearly open-ended, and RoE was very ambigous as to that, so there was definitely an _expectation_ of a successor / next iteration of the franchise. In my personal opinion, the primary point here is (possibly too?) many years of reasonably founded gamer/audience _expectation,_ not time of _formal_ announcement. Anywho, "Doom 4" was revealed to be in development rougly 2 years after the release of Doom 3's DLC (Resurrection of Evil), and formally announced to be on the nature of a reboot under a year after that (May 2008). So there were 12 years of expectation after Doom 3, and still 8 years of expectation of a Doom reboot, between it's ("Doom 4") formal announcement and the release in May 2016.

[@Krushak8888]

Was relistening to old yathzee during work.... i got the game during a christmas steam sale for two bucks... like months after it was released and it was worth the price I paid lol.

[@noahdowns3017]

Just thought of this. If Dukes world is as Yahtzee described, Jousuke from JoJo's bizarre adventure part 8 would rule.

[@Mezworld]

akari why

[@lolrus5555]

+Noah Downs OH! Oh god...

[@AlphaZeroX96]

What do you mean? What was Zero Punctuation guy's Duke forever video like?

[@enkephalin07]

The shoddy performance is what killed this for me. The load screens gave me plenty of time for another game to catch my interest; I don't remember which game it was now, but it KEPT my interest. DNF went out with my next hard drive housecleaning.

[@galaxy-wg1lf]

I've always thoughr of Duke as an over the top hyper masciline himbo bro. This game makes him an abomination

[@ThunderPsyker]

4:18 is Steve and Larson from Ten For The Win in a Nutshell.

[@PintOfJinnes]

This just appeared in my notifications. Are... are you ok KZbin?

[@b3rz3rk3r9]

Hey, did you guys hear about (BS WARNING) The Prequel, Duke Nukem Begins? Apparently, it is revealed that Duke was raised as a wealthy Nerd by a strict Militant father and ex-stripper mother, who was bullied to becoming a Super-Macho jarhead and enrolls in the military because his father said on his deathbed "I'll come back to kick your ass if you get a Pansey job." He later gets drawn in by a stripper girl, who turns out to be the leader of an Alien Resistance Force, and the Imperial Star Fleet comes to fight him bc they believe him to be that Meddling Fool, Flash Gordon.

[@maaikekeevel6106]

i think this is the most savage review's done

[@paytonholmes6019]

maaike keevel I want to see some contenders. Does anyone know any?

[@jmckendry84]

My mate insisted that I play this game "Because it's amazing" and I grudgingly did so while he watched, just to be polite. I felt I had to keep playing as he was clearly having a blast, but it was genuinely one of the worst gaming experiences of my life. Terrible clunky gameplay, terrible outdated pop culture references and a game that was probably trying to be camp/sexy/ironic in its portrayal of women but very much ended up in creepy, leering misogyny territory instead. I enjoyed DN3D as a teen, but it didn't even hit any sort of nostalgia note. I just felt dirty having played it.

[@zyriuz2]

duke nukem forever is the reason half-life 3 wont release.

[@educatedcockroach]

I rented this game out of morbid sort of curiosity. HOLY SHIT was he on about the hive level. That tone shift almost broke my neck.

[@midnitdragoon]

I liked Duke nukem forever... Could it have been better... Hell yes. But after all those years getting a game... I'll take it. True fans of Duke Nukem would enjoy regardless. However we all know it could have been way better. We all saw the leak.... It's a shame Broussard didn't have enough confidence in his original ideas, should have stuck to his guns on his 2001 version.

[@justinschnoor9459]

It's funny he mentioned Bulletstorm seeing as Duke is now in it.

[@ermac9515]

We almost wish Half Life 3 will suck so that people would shut up about it. XD

[@sobosswagner]

It's gonna suck for anyone who is a fan of the series for the same reason this game is considered terrible. Nothing valve makes will live up to 10 or more years of hype.

[@GamerErman2001]

Half-Life 3 sucks confirmed?

[@alexf7491]

rece wagner But Duke Nukem forever was a let down because it was terrible.

[@jdjohnson1591]

But Half Life 2 came out ten years (more or less) after the first game, and everyone loves it.

[@sobosswagner]

jd johnson it's not about how much people like it it's about their expectations.

[@juliovictormanuelschaeffer8370]

At least someone on this Earth gave DNC a kind review.

[@Requ1escat1nPACE]

I personally consider this the worst game ever... of all time.

[@TheRedViper100]

One of the worst ? Yes. The worst ? I request you check out Yahtzee's review of the ET movie tie in game and consider if Duke Nukem had an impact as significant as that xD Or Ride to Hell Retribution come to think of it...

[@Requ1escat1nPACE]

TheRedViper100 I stand by my statement. The devs spent about a month and a half on E.T. The mentally incapacitated fucktards behind this "game" spent 12 years. Worst. Game. Ever.

[@thecoolmaster6960]

Requ1escat1nPACE disappointment =/= quality

[@thecoolmaster6960]

is not even in the top 50 of the worst games of all time

[@Requ1escat1nPACE]

Oliver Love I wasn't expecting greatness, I'm not that naive and I'm not a duke nukem fan anyway, but a twelve year project shouldn't be garbage. This game didn't deserve to release. Good developers and publishers know when to give up and let production on a game die.

[@Otterino]

In terms of the ending sequence, Yahtzee's avatar needs either a haircut or an exorcist.

[@EDT308]

Had a girlfriend who thought this game was good...broke up with her.

[@agreatmanlookingtotheright]

EDT308 hd a girlfriend who said that glados has a manly voice i instantly gave her the headphones and turned the TV in the other room

[@grindorblackout1986]

You could liken this game in every way to Henry Winkler walking into a high school today with greased back hair and a leather jacket, standing at the front and going "Eyyy!"