How to Have Difficult Conversations

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SUMMARY:
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1. Don't enter the conversation with your current emotions. When you're upset or want someone to change, it's easy to enter the conversation in a bad emotional place. Don't do that. Remember, conversations are a 50-50 game; it's as much about the other person as it is you. Take a breather, get perspective, and always enter a tough conversation with humility and kindness.
2. Begin with the end in mind. How do you want the other person to feel at the end of the conversation? What do you want them to believe or do? How do you want to feel and be perceived? Keep your answers in mind, and you'll be more intentional and effective during the conversation.
3. Use the XYZ pattern for making requests. Say something like, "I saw or heard you do X, I felt Y and my request is Z". The pattern ends with a request to talk openly about what you saw and felt. Asking permission to talk about it says you're open and non-accusatory.
4. Be more patient. When you are sharing bad news or delivering a difficult message, take it s-l-o-w. Be patient and allow the other person to feel, to speak, to let your message sink in. Don’t dump your feelings out on them or seek a hasty resolution. Almost all problems in difficult conversations come because someone is impatient. Breathe. If the relationship is important, then it's important to be patient.
If you follow these 4 ideas, you will start to have more meaningful conversations and great relationships that lead to what we call #TheChargedLife!
Get the mp3, summary and sharable quotes:
brendon.com/blog/how-to-have-d...
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ABOUT BRENDON
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Brendon Burchard is one of the most watched personal development trainers in the world, and a Top 100 Most Followed Public Figure on Facebook. Over 50,000,000 people watched his videos in the last 12 months, more than 30,000,000 see his posts every week on Facebook, and 600,000-plus students have completed his online courses or video series, making him one of the most successful online instructors in history. A #1 New York Times, #1 Wall Street Journal, and #1 USA Today bestselling author, his books include The Motivation Manifesto, The Charge, The Millionaire Messenger, and Life’s Golden Ticket. Brendon is also the star and executive producer of the #1 self-help solo series on KZbin, and his podcast The Charged Life debuted at #1 on iTunes.
After suffering depression and surviving a car accident at the age of 19, Brendon began asking himself important life questions: “Did I truly live today? Did I love? Did I matter?” His intention to be happy with the answers led to his breakthrough and life's work helping others “live a fully charged life.” By the age of 32, he became a #1 bestselling author and a multimillionaire as an early pioneer in the online education space. Since then, he has dedicated his life to helping others find their charge, deepen their motivation and strength, and share their true voice with the world.
Larry King named Brendon "one of the top motivation and marketing trainers in the world." SUCCESS Magazine named him as one of the Top 25 Most Influential Leaders in Personal Growth and Achievement, along with Oprah, Deepak Chopra, Joel Osteen, Wayne Dyer and more.
Meet him at Brendon.com.
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ABOUT THE CHARGED LIFE
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The Charged Life is a weekly self-help show full of #motivation, #inspiration, and #high performance strategies with bestselling author, motivational speaker and High Performance Academy founder Brendon Burchard. Filmed in one take, without any notes or prompter, the show has become one of the most viewed direct-to-camera self-help series in the history of KZbin. It has also been the #1 Podcast in all of iTunes and is regularly in the top podcasts in Self-Help and Health categories around the globe. Subscribe to the free motivational podcast here: ‪itun.es/i66Y78r
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[@AaronDoughty44]

Communication is key. I've learned to bring things up as they happen so that while it has a smaller momentum it is easier to diffuse. Rather then bottling it up haha Great video Brendon.

[@sohaibahmed226]

Usually I hesitate to have these conversations I would rather just get along. One thing I need to work on is not act off my selfish emotion. It's not only about me but about other person. Thanks for the video.

[@rebeccaamodeo7901]

"Don't solve the conversation before you have the conversation." That's exactly the part I was missing. Thank you for this great video.

[@sj4267]

100%

[@TheAlphaphotographer]

Thank you Brendon, this video saved me from a potential disaster, I watched your video twice, made notes and applied your technique, allowing the other person to be heard. The results were amazing and all potential conflict avoided. Keep up the great work.

[@sohaibahmed226]

I realize that I gotta have this kind of conversation with my older brother because he's been treating me like crap for years and I have been taking it but now enough is enough. Yeah as younger brother its uncomfortable conversation to have but I gotta do it.

[@joshualipovetsky2744]

How did it go?

[@paintingzoneart4026]

Brendon I want you to know your videos have really helped me stay hopeful and to keep growing, especially during the period of lockdowns. You’re a very special, extraordinary person and I send a huge, heartfelt thank you.

[@No_Nick]

A world-class training, as always. Love what you have created. Thank you.

[@ericcorrie720]

So needed right at this very moment. Thank you!

[@azamdeen]

Brendon, the way you put in "What we called the charged life" phrase in all your videos is awesome as your videos.!! Thanks alot Brendon, I learn a lot from you..!!

[@NaturallyCameliavibes]

I think this is practical and we people sometimes do dump our feeling to reach resolutions. First we should listen and check out the situation with an open mind to think it properly. Its a great advice point to point !! Thanks ! Thank you so much for the advice sir .

[@sKyWIperzzz]

Thank you for all that you do man, Your videos are helping me rebuild my ability to influence and interact with others in a positive way and someday be able to build meaningful relationships and experience empathy for others, I really appreciate the content you put here, i can't speak for anyone but myself, but it is helping me and I'm sure others transform the negative aspects of their personalities into positive ones. I wish you the best, thankyou.

[@KSmarTgirl]

your VDO's are the BEST the music, the ideas, the points you're upping to improve are incredibly clear i enjoy and learn while watching ..., all of me likes all of you Brendon Peace .

[@a.mtushaar1356]

Why after three weeks?? I was waiting so much. Thanks for your messages. They really help me a lot! Thank you so much Brendon 😊😊

[@sweetleemangaron93]

Hello Brendon! I learned a lot from you! Sending my thanks to you. Continue blessing others!😘

[@AlexanderMcConnell]

Brendon, I have to tell you something difficult. I love you, man. Lol. Appreciate your work so much. Your excellence, love, hard work, passion and balance has given me a great model to follow in life.

[@margaretfong1793]

Timing of the video for me was perfect! Thank you, Brendon!

[@jermainsmith9601]

Brendon I love your work and you are truly a genius at what you do. This advice is truly an art of people skill that can encourage effective communication. I love this. Keep doing what you are doing man. Am growing as a result of your service to me as a fan. Thank you.

[@egdapo]

Funny how this magnificent resource of a video is now painfully needed at this moment for me compared to 4 months ago when i first saw this video. Going to be using the four steps tomorrow evening with my significant other... Thank you Brendon. Seriously!

[@aehaut1]

Brendon - I'm a 29 year old newly hired children's director at a church in Springfield, MO. I've just begun having difficult conversations in my life, on a "career" level, and I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. The spark of God within us insists that we love one another through conversation and connection. I'm a big fan, follower and friend. If you'd be willing to have a 10 minute conversation, I think it would be great. If not, I'm with you in spirit! Thank you for all that you are!

[@nidhiraj2728]

Brendon is a blessing for humanity 🌸

[@carlchoquette2329]

Brendon, we feel that your intention is greater than yourself. This make you a great communicator. We feel that you are worthy, focus and true. I don't know how long you will continue doing this, but I am sure that you are helping a lot of people and I hope that you will continue so. Congratulation for all your nice work! :)

[@rebeccaamodeo7901]

"Don't solve the conversation before you have the conversation." 🎆🎯💣that's exactly the part I was missing💣🎯🎆 Thank you for this great video.

[@MegaTinni]

Rebecca Amodeo me too

[@LoveAndPeaceOccurs]

Thank You Brendon, we can all use this advice ... to help us when facing a difficult conversation. Love and Peace to All

[@GoncaloLoyal]

Great video, brandon. Thanks for the info. Keep up the GJ.

[@DeejayLiam]

Thank you brandon,I love your vids! so much knowledge and positivity !

[@olgakucharska2800]

Hi Brendon, you're awesome. Thank you very much for this video. I've tried the third one practise and it made a possibly negative converation into a positive one which has solved all the problems I and the person I spoke to have had.

[@deniseklockling6321]

Thank you for this needed info, especially tonight!!!

[@childinthecity1250]

What I realized by watching this fabulous video was that, I myself have not been in an "OK" place when dealing with these conversations................Got to get there! Thank you so much. Leaning so much from these helpful tools..............Joselito

[@egdapo]

amazing Brendon. sharing this with my significant other so we use this if we ever have an argument.

[@ceciliacruz4884]

Thank you..every single words you've said was encouraged me well

[@CherisseThibaut]

Extremely helpful! Thanks Brendon you rule!

[@lilithjesus7718]

W o w .... I really needed to hear all of this. I've been going at most of my difficult conversations all wrong. Thank you Brendan.

[@JosephSimonbratherkaka]

thankx yourBRENDON... u made my day.. was very bad but after i feel somthng change within me.. be blessed ,,,.

[@69asm69]

Your effort has helped me work my professional life...... Awesome!!

[@alhamadany8291]

Thanks Mr... I study English in Intermediate level, and I understand 90% what you say. I like your advices too.

[@KrystenJanzen]

Great video Brendon!

[@Hasnain1F]

I was waiting from 2 weeks! Finally Brendon!! :D

[@wwcc8022]

Same here 🙌

[@Gabrielalmeidaa]

Hey Brendon i love your videos, they're totally useful to me as a Brazilian and english student... My only problem is to understand what you speak when you speak fast, but in this video i could understand better than the others, it was a consequence of your speaking velocity. You should keep this velocity in others videos as well... Anyway, congratulations!!! I really love your tips..

[@abderrahmeneferroukhi1580]

I was waiting every day finnaly :D

[@ericzenteno2531]

Great video! Thanks for sharing

[@54keepitsimple]

Thank you for the information.

[@positivitymahi3613]

thank you so much..this was very helpful...stay blessed....u are a savior :)

[@emilyeshraghi8197]

Super helpful! Thank you for sharing!! :)

[@abhinavkulkarni1174]

Great and useful video ! Thanks a lot

[@olgakucharska2800]

Thank you very much, Brendon. I need to have a difficult conversation. And I don't wanna do that. This episode is gonna be helpful for me. Edit: Thank you for these amazing advices. As always, world-class advices. Thank you very much. The conversation went better than I thought it would. Thank you.

[@rahulrajpurohit3067]

Hey Brendon.. I absolutely love the background music in all of your videos. It really fires me up. Where can i get it?

[@LouisLuzuka]

should've had this video before I argued with my best friend great video!!

[@RashawMusic]

Great video! I want more!

[@Jumieanne]

Awesome! Love your videos... Thank you.

[@luljetajashari5278]

ioo88io

[@ginnylang1564]

Great advice!

[@jefferaimer]

Wow. I learn so much.

[@mangosteenmangosteen3547]

thanks , especially the portion you said about "kindness"and "humility" when you faced difficult conversations. I was recently Real "pissed off with this woman from China". But after watching this video, I will use "kindness"and "humility" to resolve the matter. Thanks once again, for producing such useful practical videos.

[@prasadp717]

You are Awasome..Brendon

[@TheNerdForNerd]

Brendon , I 'm a student Inglês , and sometimes I get frustrated , because I study a lot, sometimes four hours during the day , and I do not learn as fast as I wish . You could do a video to motivate people that are trying to learn some new language !

[@FirstReviewer]

Although I did enjoy the enthusiasm that you exhibit in this video, consider in the future defining your "Difficult Conversations" to a sharper point in their direction. You are certainly one of the kindest individuals that I have ever listened to: keep up the good works. FR

[@catherinavorster2037]

Great advice

[@BeYourself24x7]

awesome...thank you so much

[@johnysliverhandgrabyouriron]

"there is more than meets the eye" - Optimus Prime "Your eyes can deceive you. Don't trust them." - Obi Wan reminder that every rumors or partial conversation anyone heard can be biased and not the full story

[@Reconciliation777]

Bullies and pychopaths don't care how you feel - and they love people who have a conscious because they know the conscious person will always give the bully the benefit of the doubt keep their guard down and take the blame and guilt for the failure of communication. Never take this advice in dealing with bullies and pycopaths - you are just opening yourself up to be torn apart emotionallly, physically and pycologically.

[@justelile01]

So apt!!! 🙌🙌🙌

[@oblivious3357]

The best way to deal with it: -If they are so set on there own views then remove yourself -Respond as formally as possible and be proud of yourself as there are probably other people out there just like you (aka: don’t let a single person(s) thought differ from yourself -Review you self normally and from the conversation (really think about you and your influences) -Show forms of care for the situation as more tension from the type of person wont lead to no better resolve -(optional) try to attempt to understand there view on the situation (may flop based on sererity) -Be proud of yourself mentally, and physically, emotionally and socially. From here you have to figure out where you plan on going with yourself as every situation is different. Complexity differs, and situations can be very vast. One of those things you have to learn on your own or with help from someone who is willing to listen if possible. Stay true to yourself 👍 not everyone is perfect but you can trive for greatness. Spread the word.

[@benalexender3046]

Thanks from Egypt

[@shawnellemartineaux6212]

Thank you.

[@foulvale3537]

You are the best

[@stormyjensen8077]

you don't suck. 😊 you're the shit and I love it!

[@DanielaCunhaEFT]

Love love love

[@ando1135]

me and my friend have been getting into little arguments that turn into big deals recently. communication is the problem....he views communication differently than me. We havent talked in a few days....i asked him to tell me when hes ready to talk it out but i havent heard from him....i dont know if i should just ask him to pick a time to converse or if i should wait for him...

[@bareen3276]

:( :( why didnt u get this one uploaded earlier n why i didnt i see this before... I had a conversation . N it ended up bad.. He said he's never gonna talk to me, never talk to me... I was hurt.. I wanna him to know how i felt, why hez not caring. But he might wanna tell me but all my inner fear just bumbed up. I dont know how to talk to him now.. Will we ever be in hatred now :( I dont know he ever cares for me.

[@tnihlawi]

This's kinda funny and disappointing, I actually skipped this video thinking i didn't want it, and two days ago i had a difficult conversation and i messed it up, Now i hope i listened to this earlier.. Thank you!

[@johnysliverhandgrabyouriron]

I am very sorry for the people I had a conflict with if I knew this principles and apply early in my life,things will be different. Forgive me the peeps that I argued with. Let's be in peace and in love for everyone.

[@mindiseverything5036]

i had a convo at work and we both almost cried in front of each other lol i was trying to make us laugh instead but it wasny possible i got in to deep

[@mindiseverything5036]

what is you view on alpha male way of life ppl live by?

[@ammardrinkswater2509]

why when I study bad memories come to me? and how to avoid that ?

[@myzo123098]

Think positively talk with your brain about your plans when you finish your studying you will have to many things to achieve them and many other to gain them think about the place where you want to work with them all of have bad memories but we have to think in the good one because as you said I recognise that with my friends it true my advice to you and to my friend is control your think in some things you liked courage your self when you finish this part you will get some things you liked whatever ever is it and with time you gonna reach to your dream

[@ammardrinkswater2509]

+saher lyaly thanks a lot :-)

[@salmachi9836]

liked xyz rule

[@lazy604]

Lol, 100 views in 2 minutes.

[@donpaplowstephen5648]

Well God is not sleeping than you think because when Jesus traveled to the Jerusalem he was take a small Donkey to walk on the red Capet, you stand for ironic? Keep going but God is God all the times, pls I know this is a BASIC English but it will so difficult for you to understand, but because all people who was study the Bible is the must intelligent person ask a theologian or your pastor what I'm trying to say, thank you.

[@rebeccaamodeo7901]

"Don't solve the conversation before you have the conversation." 🎆🎯💣that's exactly the part I was missing💣🎯🎆 Thank you for this great video.