How To Stop Second Guessing Yourself

To find out more about Debbie's books, online courses, meditations, healing music, and coaching with her, click on the following link: www.debbiemirza.com/

[@debsabatino311]

I think I second guess myself because I was not validated or given value. My mom was a covert and withheld those things from me. That, mixed with watching someone who never knew themselves, I always second guessed ..is this me not knowing myself? Ugh!!! Now I see my mother is disagreeable, withholds compliments especially from her daughters, holds her children down, I cant remember an apology, the wrath you received if you confronted her with anything she might cons crew to be her fault...so many signs I never knew all of this was one issue. Now to test myself...it took 62 years to get here, it will not happen over night. It will be a never ending battle to save myself from a lifetime of abuse.

[@elevenbyfive]

this was what stopped me doing amything about it sooner. Even now, I still periodically start the cycle of self doubt about it up again. What has been invaliable is, as you suggested, writing a list of everything they did to hurt me. If I just try to remember, the memories get contaminated by my second guessing and the things they said to try to reframe the situations. Having it written out means i get to go back each time to the original, untainted facts, and every time i re-read that list, my self doubt pretty much goes away. It also helped a lot to do what you said about comparing my behaviour and thoughts about people in my other relationships and realise that the only person i was uncomfortable and just felt off with was them. It's NOT me. It's not how i generally am. It's not that i'm overly suspicious or sensitive or irrational or whatever else.

[@orchidsrising7910]

Healing from this I’ve realized to trust the intelligence within my body. Now I feel it in every sinew, sensation, energy wave inside my body, etc... and it’s right on. I mean at first your battling between fear and intuition, but once you can differentiate the two, we actually become great readers of people’s intentions, motives, etc, and that includes the authentically beautiful people we can begin to feel safe around because there’s no “dark energy” there or whatever you want to call it 🌼

[@amyfoy9497]

Perfect timing, Debbie! Thank you. I don’t know what end is up.

[@neweyes6598]

Thank you Debbie , another fantastic video helping us survivors find clarity and validation on the healing journey ... such valuable work you are doing ❤️ 🙏

[@hk3892]

Thank you so much... just on time... you mentioned something that is so hard for me - to share... I've never ever shared... I lived with the idea that I can! ... and I can do it alone the best way!... this is probably the hardest thing I did lately - I share...right now... and it frightens me to death right now...

[@kathleenjbazan5563]

Unfortunately this is such a hard thing to share for me, however reading the comments, listening to you makes me realize there are others who have gone through this. My therapist is an angel, she is my sounding board and the only place I feel safe opening up to. Thank you for your insightful and helpful videos and books.

[@rachel243]

Yes I have never googled any relationship ever to try and figure out what is going on

[@carpathia0117]

Yes neither have I. Must be a sign something was terribly wrong.

[@Jp18888]

Thank you very much for this ❤ i discovered your channel only recently and feel like you’re that caring listening friend who really empathies and understands … your voice and sharing is very calming. Thank u so much ❤

[@premgarjan6197]

thanks for this. I notice that it's a huge healing enteprise when we've bee conditioned to second guess ourselves in our childhood... your video is encouraging.

[@NataAngel]

Debbie, thank you so much. I didn't knew anything about narcissism, just googled: cold people and got in the subject, then many videos, then I found you, watching your videos...All about me, I had/have few narcissists in my life, one of them...even when I am thinking he come home soon.. I feel very unpleasant tightens in my stomach and sometimes handshaking...and he is most pleasant and positive person outside, for everyone, but at home complains, sour face, negativity... I always doubting myself: Is it me??? Your videos is eye-opening, thank you Debbie, thank you so much!

[@holographicc6974]

“Lack of empathy” is what I searched 12 years ago before my horrific divorce.

[@tracyel240]

Thank you, I need this information. I am still trying to make sense of it all.

[@teachersusanute199]

Thank you. I needed this today ❤️

[@SuperBlakes2]

This is such a huge subject. The covert ones are the most tricky. And cause the most self doubt 😎

[@tinag7882]

Thank you. Your book gave me the clarity I needed. 👍

[@a.i.chemist2261]

I finally figured out the cause of my snake dreams. Evil creatures. So hard to find and understand, let alone explain to others.

[@lynnwiltshire6220]

Love you Debbie ❤️

[@momsagainstmedicalbullying6154]

Believing myself has been the most challenging thing

[@FaithfulandTrue949]

Really helpful thank you, and you deliver with kindness 🙏😘

[@jett888]

Thank you!!

[@user-ey4rc5tu4t]

Thrown up almost daily since since arrest. I win. I finally figured out she was a narcissist.

[@amyfoy9497]

How do you figure out who you are? At this point, I’m not sure who I am.

[@amyfoy9497]

@Star Key Little G oh goodness, thank you! Big warm hugs!

[@olafwitt7246]

Thank you.

[@holographicc6974]

Who am I when the Creature is not around-> that’s who your really are

[@bluerosefire_503]

Great advice. ✌💚&🌹.

[@lesliegann2737]

3:45... being accused of being a drama queen or that you are the type of person who overreacts - it seems to me from my exploring so far that all the narcs use this trick. Some of it is just projecting their own bad points onto you. I am in no way shape or form a dramatic person yet when I've been reacted to as such it is such a head trip at the time. But the main thing is that it is just used as a tool so you will think twice before reacting to them. Otherwise there is something wrong, oversensitive, sinister or highly dramatic about you.

[@KIRRRRU19]

I was with my narc GF for 3 years... I know all the facts, and the truth, but it's almost like I want to just accept the "fake bliss" in order to survive. Giving her my love, and kissing her, was like a drug, regardless if I received it back or not --which is now gone. One day I'm a bit ok, and then the next day I feel basically suicidal. I don't know how to survive this properly. I know 1000% someone else will get her "love bombing" that I crave for, and knowing that is killing me. This pain has to be worse than grief. My mind continuously shifts to "Shit, she must be done at work now, she has free time, what is she doing,.. " etc. I try to distract myself but that only gets so far. I feel like nobody will ever be able to come close to the things i love about her. I feel screwed and helpless. Also, learning that a big, big part of the people/females I meet are narcs, have an agenda, makes me feel like I might as well just accept fate and stay with the one I love and am infatuated with, if that makes any sense. I'm truly lost and all I want to do is reach out to her. I know that if I don't, she never will. She's never put effort, I've always been the driving force and the only one who puts true effort on things. It's like she never stuck, if I let go, she would (and will) just glide away. I'm 4 or 5 days into no contact again now, for the 100th time, and there's no way I can survive this without dying inside.

[@theteacherstouch]

I hope you are making progress. You are worth ❤️ that will make you 😊

[@lashianagy4563]

Know that the pull you feel the need and want is her narc supply so lean into how bad you feel then draw back and ask yourself if this is her supply while away from me what must she be taking while she is near? You are going to have pain and I'm sorry and I can't take that away I wish I could but your the only who can make the pain stop by choosing yourself by loving yourself the way she never could and never will. I am truly sorry for everything you are feeling and if you need someone to reach out to you can call or text me anytime your feeling not strong promise no judgement on my part or send me an email [e-mail] or 808-218-2455 know that your loved even though she might not see your worth we all do only someone with a big heart would write and be so honest with others and yourself stay strong my friend and please don't wait to reach out I've been in your shoes we can help each other

[@anitavirginillo]

It's been 9 months, are you feeling any differently? Praying for you...

[@KIRRRRU19]

Thank you guys for the kind words. I’m still alive and didn’t go back since November, I think a month after I wrote this post.. she decided to spend thanksgiving with her family instead of me and told me I’m not welcome. I asked if she could give me half of the day and she said no. So I let it go and spent thanksgiving alone. Then the next day she deleted me off Snapchat without saying anything. So I decided to initiate no contact. 2 weeks into no contact she wrote “ you alive?” (Took her 2 weeks and didn’t write more than that). It felt like a cold poke, just to see if I would respond. I didn’t reply and within hours 3-4 people including her family started blowing up my phone. I finally decided to reply the next day and just as I expected it was a bait because her reply was “I was worried sick about you how could you fucking let me worry for so long you’re dead to me now don’t ever talk to me again”. I apologized and I asked to see / talk and she said no. So i let it go (this was right before Christmas) and went through christmas and New Year’s Eve by myself in solitude. Worst experience of my life. Anyway. 3-4 more weeks ago by, January 10 comes along, my birthday, and she messaged “happy birthday”. 1 plain dry text. Another poke. I replied “thank you babe” and again didn’t hear back from her again. Every day felt like twice as long. I finally reach my breaking point again a week later, around January 18 and I message her asking to please stop the bs and talk things out. She said no and said “the damage has been done”. I decided to not try again and endure the pain for as long as it takes. Now 9 months into not having seen her (since end nov 2019). I’m pretty sure i have a void for life.

[@KIRRRRU19]

I am doing better by the way. But I’m more bitter and have lost a piece of myself. The best way I can describe it is that I’ve lost a piece of peace, a piece of hope, or maybe a piece of innocence. My view of the world is distorted and I do think about the end daily. Just being honest. I’m a perfectionist and lazy so don’t worry about that by the way. :)

[@viklucier8793]

Could it be that a person who suffers from PTSD in her youth (and maybe CPTSD) may have developed covert-borderline personality with co-morbid narcissism? Thank's ! Se peut-il qu'une personne qui a souffert d'un traumatisme jeune (voire souffre de CPTSD) puisse avoir développé un désordre de type Personnalité Limite Vulnérable avec une comorbidité narcissique ?? Merci !