I Blew Up At My Husband's Family Reunion After The Way They Treated Me r/Relationships

[@stevenwalker4923]

Opening credit cards in his name when he was younger? That's called identity theft. That's a crime. With 100k, that's a first class felony. They could go to prison for years.

[@Guitarbarella]

Pretty sure he’s lying and just gambled it- then he goes away with friends but really gambling

[@Mrs.Redd1]

And they should be held accountable!

[@lynnw7155]

But FAAAMMMIIILLYYY!!!

[@judelbugsrutter6727]

@Guitarbarella that would also tie in with his love of playing king of the castle and bossing around his minions.

[@LunaMane]

Some people are just too whipped or spineless to stand up for themselves.

[@hi_stranger9156]

Story 1: I don't understand why he thought he had to pay off his parents' *"fraudulent debts."* He is so stupid. He should have had his parents charged with fraud. If he couldn’t do that, he should have looked into bankruptcy. He could have filed for chapter 13, which would have frozen debt and interest and set up a payment plan. Instead, he buried his head and dumped everything on her. I hope she divorces the idiot

[@KarbonStar]

I'm so surprised he didn't get professional help...smdh

[@michaeldowson6988]

Sentimentality drives people daft.

[@jenniferdaniels701]

He should have reported his parents for identity theft.

[@judelbugsrutter6727]

Omg so true... however, I'm wondering if he's the family scapegoat considering the way the parents used him for 1. Financial gain, running up debts in his name that they expect him to cover 2. Unpaid Carer duties 3. When it was time to reciprocate because 'family'... by helping with the kids they flattered themselves saying what wonderful people they were to do this big thing to help him out. It mightn't be any wonder that it's hard to see through the fog with his FoO. I'm glad op has put her foot down with him. Eing this stressed she can make a costly mistake at work and then it's a💩 storm. But this guy us something else entirely... Even though she was his life preserver he has the audacity to play king and pretend she's just one of his minions sounds like one narc in a family of narcs, the type I've seen a lot of in fundys tbh.

[@lauriemeyer7030]

So why aren't the aunts and uncles helping out deadbeat. Tell him to use the money he took. If you decide to help, find out the hospital and pay towards the bill directly. Do not pay deadbeat.

[@Russman67]

His parents ran up $100,000 in debt in his name and he talks to them still? I completely agree with OP ripping the bandage off and separating from him. That's just wild. Hopefully her attorney can work it in such a way that he keeps all of the debt that was accrued in his name. No one needs to be saddled with that especially OP.

[@terramarini6880]

It's almost paid off but his lack of contribution while employed should weigh heavily in her favor in regards to alimony and who gets the kids/house.

[@Guitarbarella]

I don’t think it’s parents-I think he has a gambling addiction

[@Guitarbarella]

Coz why hide the amount etc?

[@krishanpaul2]

@@Guitarbarellait's either really really really crappy parents or what you said.

[@lynnw7155]

He helps his parents! He planned a family reunion for them! He is hopeless. I hope she can get away without having to take on some of his debt.

[@pasalking7760]

Story 1: When they say married mothers do more house work than single mothers. With stories like these I believe it.

[@Knives7777]

Stop dating and marrying losers.

[@tatsuhirosatou5513]

The dude was working 16 hour shifts 7 days a week

[@vanguardangel6912]

@@tatsuhirosatou5513 Tis a good point; but she seemed to have been pulling not only the same kinda hours but the emotional labor with the kids, working solely to pay off HIS debt and not investing in her children, and almost never taking a day off. She's forever in "work mode" whereas the dude went out often with the boys at the pub. She never did. She cleans, he only helps sometimes. Not to mention she's a nurse. That is an EXTRMELEY hard job, even as an outpatient nurse for not just the hours standing but the emotional labor as well. (Daughter of a nurse here)

[@samoanjoseph1457]

Why would that comparison even be in question? A single woman is only cleaning up after herself. A married woman has herself, husband, maybe kids. Possibly pets. Of course she's doing at least twice the housework. Unless that single woman works as a housekeeper. And even if she did, I bet she'd get days off.

[@northeastoperations]

Some do

[@shydog7276]

I hope the first OP is able to escape her black hole of a husband and inlaws without any of that fraudulent debt. That is absolutely horrifying to even think about.

[@myeternalteardrop]

"One day they won't be here and I'll wish I had done more" You mean letting your parents run up a mountain of debt in your name that they aren't even contributing a penny to pay off and being their sole caretaker despite not being their only child wasn't somehow enough?

[@judelbugsrutter6727]

💯

[@livsweetdreams]

He put his parents in that statment instead of his wife whom it actually applies to.

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

The "one day they won't be here" part had me laughing. I was thinking "yeah, and when that day comes I know I'll finally be free of you parasites". To top it off, the grandparents wouldn't even watch OPs kids. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you.

[@ScooterBond1970]

I was like, "You've 'given' them $100,000! How much more do you need to give?"

What an idiot not to turn his parents into the police. Now he has lost everything of value.

[@carolinaazevedo2088]

Story 1 : he 100% shouldve pressed fraud charges . He wouldnt have to pay 100k of debt he didnt create

[@ScurvyRascal]

Story 1. OP.....Run! He's just using her to climb up the ladder and gave her kids to shut her up 😡

[@wolve2k]

The debt ladder? there's at least 100K+ of that and with how his family is /was behaving... it might still grow. Op is doing the right thing, i truly hope she aint on the hook for the his debt... because that would suck. Its aint ever gonna change, as long his a spineless amoeba he will keep giving and giving.

[@untitled-gv3qp]

@@wolve2k A part of me wonders if he was telling the truth about why he's in debt. He could just be gambling or he could have her working herself down to the bone so he can pay for a mistress or second family. She only has his word to go on and she never heard anything about it from anyone before. He's the one that invited his family over and let them mistreat her for so long but suddenly he can deal with his family and tell them off? And why is it just him in debt when he has siblings?

[@wolve2k]

​@@untitled-gv3qp yeah there many problems with everything, but latest when her lawyer gets ALL the real printout / data she will know.

[@GiordanDiodato]

​@@untitled-gv3qpsiblings refuse, like always

[@untitled-gv3qp]

@@GiordanDiodato They supposedly did the fraud when he was a kid. If they did the same to the siblings they would have to sue the parents to get out of it. It makes no sense that the parents only ran up a huge debt in his name and not his siblings too.

[@Lillith.]

Because I'm petty, I would tell the father I will immediately transfer all the money he paid in child support. F that guy.

[@meagancall5005]

Be extra magnanimous and double it!

[@Lillith.]

@@meagancall5005 you've convinced me, I'll triple it.

[@lorifiedler13]

His lack of inheritance is because he drained the joint account and never paid child support. Too bad. So sad.

[@luinloki39]

Story 2: Aunts and uncles can pound sand! Where were they when you and your sister were abandoned? Where was their conviction when he left you with nothing? Tell them to kick rocks!

[@lrock48]

They can financially support the deadbeat if they wish. Not OP's child, not OP's problem.

[@Lesismore20]

Story 2: all of the money the dad “saved” from paying child support should be OP’s contribution to the med bills.

[@judelbugsrutter6727]

💯

[@meagancall5005]

Right? Or how about all the expenses OP is STILL PAYING to raise deadbeat's daughter - still currently a dependent minor.

[@lrock48]

Not OP's child, not OP's problem.

[@Lesismore20]

@@lrock48absolutely agreed. My comment was just sarcasm.

[@phillipa666]

Great point.

[@alyzu4755]

When your young kids are more responsible than your spouse it's time to go. He goes out with his friends in order to feel better? Meanwhile OP is home cleaning and caring for their kids, after working a full day at a ridiculously hard job. She NEVER gets time off. She never gets to feel better. Meanwhile he's too cowardly to tell her what's really going on AND incurring more and more debt. Now he's panicking because hes going to go bankrupt and lose his house. And he hangs up on her?!?!? It's funny that he said "One day they (his parents) won't be here". And now his wife snd kids are leaving. I hope OP and her kids have a wonderful life. Story 2: NTA. The aunts snd uncles can take care of their brother and their kids. I find it interesting that no e of them stepped up for him and his sister when they're brother left them high and dry.

[@judelbugsrutter6727]

💯

[@BraveryWing26]

I think 2nd OP should tell those "Family Members" they can help out with that issue if they want to help so much.

[@Zeracheil]

Story 1: there is no feeling worse then being a single married mother

[@Mimino55-y5k]

S1: OP needs to get him paying for his children. This is financial abuse, she is not obligated to be paying for his family debts. Lawyer, or he will get more debts that will be her responsibility as well.

[@mitchellsoto5141]

Story 1 OP IS AWESOME. She dropped that deadbeat and didn’t entertain the pity party

[@Zminator1986]

Story 1: The husband never told OP his debt, never told her how much debt he has, never told her that his pay check was being garnished, and he has never told her that it was his parents fault for the credit destruction and NEVER REPORTED TO THE POLICE!? WHY WERE YOU STILL WITH THIS LIER!? Story 2: Why be nice to people who never wanted you in the first place?

[@pezchef7577]

this should be a life lesson for everybody. do not marry somebody that can't be or won't be financially transparent with you. SPECIFICALLY when it's known they are in a financial hole. huge *yikes*

[@persephoneszeliga]

The husband should NOT be paying off old credit cards Declare bankruptcy.

[@mikef2811]

Exactly.

[@ndawn90]

He should file charges! He shouldn't be responsible for paying off debt that was accrued due to fraud!

[@persephoneszeliga]

@@ndawn90 yes, he should have, but he won’t. So the next best thing is bankruptcy. His credit is already screwed up, don’t bother trying to pay that off. He’ll have a clean slate in 7 years.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#1 - So even after OP took over the family finances, she didn't see his paycheck - which would have listed garnishments? In a decade, she'd never seen his credit report? Oh honey, no. Get the hell away from all of that mess and tell him to get a second job that includes housing, like assistant mgr. at an apt complex or storage unit place. He has got to go - and his shitty credit and ignorance of how money really works along with him. What an absolute mess.

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

So... the husband's parents committed fraud and they're getting away with it?

[@darkmask5933]

Not just getting away with it, they are being rewarded by OP's husband catering on them hand and foot so they can spend time with their OTHER grandkids.

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

@@darkmask5933 Ugh!

[@Siinwu]

tbh for years ive been dumbfounded why they in the US allow loans to toddlers with a parent approval, i dont even think there is anywhere else in the world they allow this nonsense

[@radudancoroian5169]

For now at least. I think crap hit the fan with this one

[@carolroberts4614]

It makes no sense to me! I'm sure it's the other way round here. You wouldn't get credit under 18 here.

[@JasperCatProductions]

Story one you work 60 hours a week and do 100% of housework? Why have a husband at all? Get out of this! I’m sorry this is abuse, I feel awful for OP.

[@TigersandBearsOhMy]

But he works 120 hours a week, and OP states herself that he is a "good father" and does help with the chores. That's not abuse. The father is a victim of financial abuse by his parents and should have taken legal action against him. But that makes him an idiot, not an abuser.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

A lot of women hesitant to leave a marriage, especially if they have children, because they don’t think they can survive with just their salary. But she needs to realize she’s doing it right now. Yea, he’s working, but not contributing to the household. The only thing that she would have a problem with would be childcare while she’s working, but if she works 60+/week and he’s double that, then who’s watching the kids? Would it really be an issue? 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@katharineeavan9705]

I mean, what you've stated isn't abuse, but there's certainly an argument to be made for financial abuse - he controlled 100% of their finances and used that to lie to her for years in a manner which put her own finances at risk, then manipulated her into not only staying but working herself half to death for a debt he refused to fully disclose to her, and only once she'd reached breaking point did he reveal the (seemingly - who knows if there's more he isn't telling her) full extent of it only as part of a wider piece of emotional blackmail in which he also staked claim on the house OP and only OP has been paying for, telling her she couldn't just take the kids from the only home they've ever known (and why, pray tell, would OP and the kids be the ones leaving their home???). OP may even continue to be controlled by him financially if she's unable to separate herself from his debts, at which point she may not be able to afford to leave as she'd have to be paying for everything she already paid for plus debt repayments, with both of them having to pay for separate household costs lowering the amount either can pay back. While I fully sympathise with his being a victim of emotional and financial abuse himself at the hands of his parents, he's sure happy to use their playbook against his own wife.

[@katharineeavan9705]

@@stirrednotshaken4823 If she gets legally lumbered with his debts, then yes, unfortunately. As it stands, she pays everything but there aren't bailliffs terrorizing her family or garnishing her wages. It sounds like OP is working so much because it's a genuine financial struggle to be the sole provider on her wages, so if she becomes responsible for debt repayments on top of everything else it may well be the financial straw that breaks the camel's back. Honestly, I think she should be entitled to freaking anulment at this point - she never knew about his debts and possibly wouldn't have agreed to marry him had she known. Even if she hadn't left him over it if he'd been honest before they married, it's more than enough reason to reconsider a legally binding partnership that makes her one financial entity with him.

[@joshuad7953]

The man works 16 hour days, 7 days a week and by OP’s admission, helps out with the house work when he can. Husband isn’t this horrible abusive guy you make him out to be. Husband has his faults for sure, particularly with his parents but calling him abusive and saying she needs to leave the father of ops children is crazy. I’m just gonna take a wild guess and assume you’re a woman of a certain younger generation. One I’m grateful not to be born into as a man. Seems like a guys gotta be either Jesus reborn or he’s the worst thing alive in this new era. No in between or grey that can be worked out

[@MrsGump]

Story2. Tell the deadbeat to use the unpaid child suport to pay the medical bills. If his sibs are so concerned THEY can help financially. Its vey easy to give away or spend someone elses money! Keep the money OP!

[@britnicox3929]

1: I’m not sure why he expected 10 years of resentment to suddenly blow over from one conversation where he made a bunch of promises but hadn’t actually done anything yet to show that he was fixing it. Love really makes you accept stupid things and I sincerely hope that from now on OP is focused only on her children 2: legally OP has no obligation. The ones demanding OP’s money should put their own money where their mouths are and leave OP alone. It’s real rich that a father who didn’t take care of his kids AT ALL is now demanding one of those same kids to take care of him

[@judelbugsrutter6727]

💯

[@AndyyWithAY]

OP should've gotten the divorce 3 years ago when she learned about this debt and he wouldn't tell her how much it was. But, we were firmly in a panini then, nurses were quitting left and right. I can understand not wanting to torpedo her family at that time also

[@katie6731]

I had a little chuckle at the typo. I agree, the panini was incredibly hard on medical professionals, so it makes sense that she set aside the issue of the debt until she had the bandwidth to deal with it.

[@AndyyWithAY]

@@katie6731 No typo

[@katieboler5806]

Identity theft is not a joke, Jim

[@affsteak3530]

Story #1: Does she even have a shred of proof he's paying down the debt? I bet it's all going to mommy and daddy. Story #2: I'd ask, with as much genuine curiousity as I could manage, "Why doesn't he just abandon these kids too? Then he wouldn't have to pay for them."

[@chimchimindiandragon]

Better yet why don't all the other uncles and aunts with so much consideration towards the sick child help him with their part of inheritance??? Their combined portion would be so much larger than the op's portion...plus since they are all grown up and have jobs and stuff they really don't need that inheritance..right?? Op is very young and needs money for college and start of life they don't.

[@rhiannoncarney9380]

Story 1 & 2: NTA, as they say GOOD RIDDANCE TO BAD RUBBISH!!

[@janet6421]

Story 2: First verify that the other child exists, is sick, and dad is paying for treatment. Anyone who would abandon his wife and 2 babies, drain their account, and flee the country to avoid child support is not to be trusted. IF and only if he is telling the truth, tell relatives that you will match the amount they pay directly to the hospital where the child is receiving treatment. DO NOT GIVE DEADBEAT ANY MONEY If he is lying about any of it (most likely) show proof to relatives and tell them that the inheritance is back child support and repayment of the stolen money.

[@robinronin]

S1: He starts being honest to guilt her after he pushed her past her breaking point. Geez. That's dark. The suffering of his wife and children could have been completely prevented if he had filed charges against his parents for fraud. It's just evil to let the children suffer for crimes his parents committed. He's nothing but a deadbeat if he can't even do something so small for his kids.

[@fritzophreenia]

Story 1: Op is not the asshole. She's the maid.

[@yozarahirvi4750]

yeah, he started saying and doing the right things after it was too late. as OP said, if it was so easy to take personale time off, why do it after she burst out and not way before when she express concern about the situation ?

[@aduckwithanumbrella]

It's so disgusting that OP from story 1 had in laws who knowingly put their son in 100k of debt and were happy to watch their son and grandchildren suffer because of it. I hope OP divorces her husband and gets rid of that selfish pound of flesh who was willing to let OP drown while he ran off to have fun with friends and the very people who put them into the debt.

[@untitled-gv3qp]

It's just so irritating that he thought that explanation would help or make the OP feel better in anyway. "Yeah so, the reason I've been pushing everything onto you and forcing us to live in poverty and scrape by is because I decided to pay for a debt that I didn't need to for the sake of my parents". "I also refused to spend time with you or the kids because I was too busy hanging out with friends so I could forget about my adult responsibilities." "But it's okay now because I just told them that I won't continue to give them more that we cant afford to like I've been doing and the debt that I never needed to pay in the first place and that I let ruin our lives is almost paid off. Isn't that great?" 🤡

[@Ashbrash1998]

And even worse they STILL wanted favors from them and held it against them when they helped out.

[@judelbugsrutter6727]

💯 someone else had the idea that maybe he was lying and the debt was his gambling debt which actually makes a lot of sense... Either way he's screwing her over for 'family' or to cover his gambolling... she works in a career where she can't afford to make mistakes or people die. She needs to lose the biggest stress-causer... the husband

[@BNezzy]

You are so cruel and heartless. I hope your spouse is never depressed or feeling down. You have very little empathy and willingness to understand different perspectives.

[@untitled-gv3qp]

@@BNezzy Where'd you get depression from? The problem is that he forced his wife and kids to deal with a massive debt for the sake of the people that ran up the debt while still catering to those people. Why does he deserve pity in your eyes but the people he mistreated for years don't? He's an adult that pushed unnecessary stress and struggle onto the OP and his kids, no one needs to coddle him. He probably just wants the OP to stay because she was doing the brunt of the workload.

[@jennsyk7520]

Story 1, the parents are narcissistic a-holes and committed financial fraud, he needs to grow a pair and sue them! The only reason they treat him like that is because he lets them. Story 2, there is an old I think 70's song by Billy Preston called nothing from nothing. The lyrics are nothing from nothing leaves nothing. Sing that song to your sperm donor. He Gave you nothing, he left you with nothing so he in return gets nothing!

[@wendywalters4930]

Story 1: my parents did that to me. It’s wasn’t that large of a debt, I think it was about $50,000 back in 1995. I called every card company and told them it was fraud and that I would not be paying it and also canceled every card. I then made the hard decision to file for bankruptcy and it was the best thing I ever did. Now in 2024 my credit score is 830. He did not have to pay off the debt they accrued illegally in his name. He’s a damn fool

[@Tammohawk1]

1. If my parents used my credit and ran up over $100,00 in debt, they would be sitting in jail. 2. OP doesn't owe his deadbeat dad a dime. He owes back child support. Let's not mention how he left OP's mom and his sibling, broke and destitute. Your kids don't owe their younger siblings a thing also. If Dad can't afford to care for them, maybe he shouldn't of had them.

[@brandyb2931]

Yeah, he should've reported his parents for putting him 100k in debt. It will take him a lifetime to pay that off. Insane.

[@Russman67]

Story 2: Nope. Dad walked away from his family and his father looked at the situation and said "he walked away from the whole family". While it sucks for the child that's ill, it's not on the children he abandoned to step in and save them. And if Dad's siblings have a problem with that, they should circle up and provide for the child that needs treatment. Better save that dollar, because it sounds like he's going to need it.

[@wildridegaming874]

why tf schedule a damned get together at the time you get off work, not home from work but depart. Then when you get home with all your guests there go and have a shower? This guy has the worst planning for social gatherings possible. As host you should be present before guest arrive, and be ready to socialise from the off, not go showering or anything like that, not to mention help get things ready, but this guy cant even plan to get himself ready let alone anything else.

[@josiesan3744]

Being abandoned in a relationship is far worse than being a single parent in my experience. Being single was a relief.

[@debipearson8762]

Story 2. Deadbeat dad left OP's family with mom having health problems and emptied their account, leaving them with nothing. Hmm...Sounds like what goes around, comes around to me. Not that i wish ill on any child, if thats even true. Get his other children to step up.

[@messinalyle4030]

1st husband uses "My parents won't be around forever" as an excuse to keep enabling their excessive spending because that's the line that his parents have been feeding him to keep their gravy train coming. I'd bet any amount of money. And he has just internalized it because that's what most people tend to do with what they hear from their parents, unless they are exceptionally strong and mature. I don't doubt that he's depressed, but OP has had even more reason to be depressed than he has. His parents taught him how to use people, and he has been applying that education to his relationship with his wife.

[@nightmarefanatic1819]

OP 2 should tell his dad to use all the money he stole from their mother and all the money he saved not paying child support for him and his sister to take care of sick kid, and that grandpa left is to help take care of his sister since her father never did. God, this story pissed me off so much. Aunts and uncles should be giving all of their inheritance away if they care so much. OP is starting his adult life and his sister is in his care, he needs that money for the both of them.

[@merlinathrawes746]

Inheritance story: NTA! No OP, you do not owe your sperm donor a single thing. He got his inheritance (all $1 of it) from his father's will and that's all he's entitled to. He left you, your sister and mother with nothing and even left the country to avoid paying child support. As far as your aunts and uncles pressuring you to give him money, that's because THEY don't want to give him money. If he has a child with a severe and terminal illness, I feel sorry for the child, but that literally cannot and should not become your problem. There are charities for that.

[@caiargagnon]

Look. OP finally got the child support their dad should have given them. He only gets $1 after all his debt to OP. Definitely nta. 😅

[@merlinathrawes746]

@@caiargagnon Agreed. I was just wondering how to word that.

[@AuskaDezjArdamaath]

Last story, if the OP WERE to give dead-beat-dad the inheritance Grandfather left them, the money wouldn’t go for the disabled half-sibling. The selfish DBD would just spend it on himself. DBD and his spawn are nothing to OP. Keep the money and life the best life and make Grandfather proud.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Yep, don't leave them nothing, leave them $1 so they can't contest the will. I'm sorry for the other children, but this is the dad's karma. When your own daddy basically disowns you, you have to be 💩

[@BohemianScandalous]

i’m glad that OP didn’t just fold when her husband ONLY NOW decided that the situation is the problem. It sounds to me he was perfectly fine with letting this situation continue and fully expected her to come back what with his “loud and clear” text, but only truly understood how done OP is from her mother coming to pick up the kids. and my heart breaks for OP when she realized how easy it was for him to take PTO. She had been working herself to the bone while her husband could take time off and hang out with friends or family at the drop of a hat. I don’t think he saw how much she was sacrificing, and i still don’t think he sees it.

[@eh8551]

I still didn't finish the story but she works 60+ hours a week, lawn, house work, etc ALONG WITH THE FRIEND'S KIDS? Excuse me? That is terrible af.

[@untitled-gv3qp]

It was so sad when she talked about how excited the kids were that she didn't have to work. They never get to spend time with either of their parents because of how busy they are. 😢

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

No kidding. OP needs to make sure there's no HELOC on the house, in case spineless boy decides to tap credit to give to his awful parents.

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

@@untitled-gv3qp I'd be tempted to be petty and say "yes kids, we work all the time because dad's parents are worthless money soaks who don't care about anyone else's comfort, and your dad is too spineless to do anything about it except keep paying."

[@untitled-gv3qp]

@@user-wr3vt8uq4s Yeah, but it's better not to drag the kids into it. Being in the middle of something like that is stressful and badmouthing the dad to the kids will make her look bad in the divorce. It would be tempting though.

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

@@untitled-gv3qp I know. Have to be strategic on this stuff, but I would be shouting it in my head at least

[@Happydandy]

2nd. Story; It's amazing how people are always happy to give away someone else's money because "family"! Grandpa knew what he was doing. If the aunts and uncles are so concerned about their brothers other children, then they can contribute their own money to that cause! Not the AH!

[@Swnsasy]

MAAAAARRRKKK!! 😂😂😂 APINELES!! She meant SPINELESS but misspelled it😂😂😂😂 Omgosh I love Mark I swear!! 😂😂

[@bigbleeg]

im DEAD

[@huinismith]

That ñ threw me off. AFAIK, Spanish is the only language that uses that letter and I didn't recognise the word. Thanks!

[@Swnsasy]

@@huinismith If you're typing from your phone, holding one key half a second too long will add the "açćents"

[@drezhb]

​@@huinismith It's actually used in at least a dozen languages other than Spanish, they're just not as popular. I can think of Basque and Quechua off the top of my head

[@sternenblumen]

He's just so earnestly trying and apologising for not getting it right 🥲...

[@LEVAR20]

Story 1. So his parent made debt against him and he is the only one taking care of them? Noooooo thats just stupid. They should be doing everything they can to make it right to him. OP i am happy your getting away from that child.

[@lindtplease1693]

OP has no responsibility for the half siblings. His father & the kid's mother are responsible for their support. If anything, the deadbeat father owes OP& his sister for the child support he never paid for their upkeep. If the father's family are so concerned they can hand money over to the father.

[@loganjoh1]

Story 1: what a weak and pathetic excuse for a “man” he didn’t want to take mommy and daddy to court after they jacked his credit up and married OP while hiding all that from her

[@star3catcherSEQUEL]

Story 1: So his parents are the ones responsible for the debt in the first place, yet he's still giving them even more money to "help out" IN ADDITION to paying off the the debt from the money they already took from him? Wow, what fucking parasites. "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" is my favorite book of all time, 100% would recommend.

[@zenopath1]

I honestly can't believe people who's parents take out tons of fraudulent debt in their names and not only do they not go to the cops, they stay in those parent's lives and continue to help them! WTF is wrong with them? "Please financially abuse me more, mommy and daddy!" Is that what goes through their heads? Nah if I found out a family member did that to me I'd go right to the cops and refuse to pay any of it.

[@Nurse_Lucy]

My heart breaks for wife if story one

[@Guitarbarella]

The way he hid the amount of debt is suspect- I think he has a gambling issue and the time with friends is really somewhere gambling

[@brandyanderson3522]

I work for a life insurance company. And OP and husband need to see if his parents have policies on him or his kids. The amount of calls I get about parents taking out policies when for the kids, maxing them out with loans, and than either signing over ownership to the adult kids or it going to them when the policyowner dies, is CRAZY. Especially, because the only the current owner has to sign anything to get ownership switched over. So many people didn't even know about the policy until they are stuck either paying off the loan their parents took out. Or paying the taxes if the policy closes due to the loan being more than the value of the policy. And it legal to because its not considered identity theft as when the loans were taken out the policy was in the parents name. Something tells me that if OP's in-laws knew about this they definitely would have exploited it.

[@letsgettipsy85]

He’s not tired either huh her behavior hasn’t changed and he just hasn’t been wanting her time after the change in her demeanor

[@sorinsilverheart3200]

I was really worried the first OP was gonna cave and give in. So glad she shined up her spine and is well on her way to getting out of that sinkhole

[@sardonically-inclined7645]

Story 2: NTA. He owes them nothing, but let's make it interesting. If he says he'll contribute to the treatment but only by putting a set amount in a trust that the hospital has to contact for payment and no money will ever be put in deadbeat's hands, do that and see what the reaction is.

[@Mama_Bear_of_3]

Story 1. My mother did something similar. She put utilities in my name when I was a child. When I was 16 I received a letter from the IRS stating I failed to file 6 years ago and that I owed back taxes. I explained I was currently 16 and never worked when I was 10. My mother had to take me to the office and while everything was cleared, my mom looked nervous during the meeting. Then I was 18 and moved into my first apartment I was denied service because I had an unpaid bill from 5 years ago. I explained that was impossible because I was 13 5 years ago. I had to go to the main office with proof of identity and age to get the bill cleared. I went to my mom's house and lost it on her. That's when I found out there was a credit card in my name. I told her she had 3 months to pay it off or I would go to the police. I then called my siblings, told them what happened, and suggested they check their credit history. Luckily theirs was clean.

[@tgbedini]

The parents couldn't be any more classic villains. First, they drown him in debt, then they treat him like a free handyman, and when they help with childcare, they act entitled and like they are owed something. And he keeps defending them? No spine, but then, no brain to go with it.

[@BraveryWing26]

Story 1: run OP run! be free! dont be tied to this jerk!

[@NotoriousEKB]

Apiñeles 😂 I think that was supposed to be "spineless".

[@belial3781]

story 2: I'd calculate all the money the dad would've owed in child support for op and his sister, plus what he drained out of their mom's account, subtract it from the amount op inherited and then be unsurprised to discover the dad to be owing op still. And then I'd tell the whole family to get lost.

[@amyyaku5022]

S1: I feel bad for both OP and her husband. OP shouldn't have to deal with this, but its not completely her husband's fault. He shouldn't have to "fight" the debt his parents put on him. They should've been liable for the debts as soon as it was proven they were falsely under his name. They also need to rot in jail. S2: NTA. Even if the father's telling the truth, OP isn't responsible for someone else's family. If they really care about the child, then they should pitch in to help them.

[@josephmbimbi]

Story 1: I'm glad OP did not fold under her husband insistance. These immature people think that a half-assed verbal apology, way too late will erase the pain they caused and your feeling, then they demand you let them off the hook and behave act like nothing happened. And of course they won't change, as it requires courage and emotional resources they don't have and are probably unwilling to put the effort to acquire. Self-pity and flagellation is a convenient substitute for accountability and deep work

[@vggeek13]

Story 1 makes me so angry!!! So, not only was she basically a single parent, but she was the sole breadwinner to their entire family raising the kids and her husband on her sole salary and he didn't tell her. She thought he was contributing a little at least but nothing his wages were garnished to almost nothing for a problem that could have been fixed before marriage and before kids... 100k in fraud is a felony in the States. He should have called the police and filed for bankruptcy and gotten his ssn changed.

[@lovesmelovesmeless]

WTF! those parents are straight up abusive. How is that legal

[@goatkiller666]

I love how as soon as their son is going to no longer subsidize then, the gaslighting starts right away. “It was just a little from time to time.” OP has to convince that when they pass, they can repay all the money he’s given them, then split the rest around the family as they see fit. I bet they’ll freak out about the actual number, if he’d actually share that info.

[@brianbarber5401]

Last story: I doubt there’s a sick kid. Let the others contribute.

[@kurokaze511]

"and said he feels like a failure." That's because he is a failure. He's a failure to his wife, he's a failure to his children, and he's a failure to himself. He works 16 hour shifts six days a week, do his children even know who he is? Do they think he's just moms friend that they see sometimes on weekends? Because he's certainly no father to them. "One day they'll be gone and I'll wish I had done more." Well now his wife and children are gone and he's wishing he did less. He let his parents rack up 100 THOUSAND DOLLARS in his name and he still talks to them? Even if he didn't want to press charges, the fact that he is still in contact with them after finding that out is insane. He's such a loser. And also, what a dirtbag to marry a woman knowing that kind of dept is hanging over his head knowing that'll by getting married he's cursing her with his mistakes as well.

[@beccaf262]

I’m so sick of hearing women cry out for help for years to no avail just to have them try and make it all work when it’s too late. An apology without a change in behaviour is just manipulation.

[@holyek7892]

Stories like these make me always advocate for the blessing of widowhood. I love that OP just ran out of F to give. I hope that call was the push to become a better father or making OP a widow. Either outcome is good!

[@stephkais5613]

S1: op is a married single mother.

[@jaimejones3177]

1: I'd want proof hes paying down his debts.

[@keifferlindsey965]

Story 1: The parents belong in prison. But sounds like Hubby would still be a dud.

[@trirogue95]

Last story: I'm petty. I would've told him I'd match what he paid in child support LMAO

[@hairtodaydave45]

Have none of these people heard of Chapter 11 bankruptcy? Or credit counseling where a company deals with your debtors on repayment?

[@lc9377]

respect to her for holding it down and the fact that she only blew up when she felt like they were taken advantage of her.

[@fufufuaru]

i hope op stays strong and continues on with the separation/divorce. also hope she’s lucky the damn debt doesn’t ruin her and the kids’ futures even more. husband is a m*ron.

[@kateajurors8640]

I hate how everyone immediately jumps to her and how she needs to take.Responsibility for the kids, not b****Leave him, leave him with the kids.Let him see what it's like to manage them constantly.And you enjoy being the fun week end parent

[@tophesshtzgiggles609]

OP should tell relatives that the inheritance(that would have gone to his father) was father's CHILD SUPPORT for the last 17 yrs.

[@justinecorrington4106]

Story 1: wait the husband can afford to go on regular vacations with his friends but not help his family expenses

[@kateemma22]

So nice of OP2's aunts and uncles just volunteered to leave all their inheritance to the deadbeat! Such kind people!

[@harrymiller7517]

Story 1, I think that word is SPINELESS, it certainly fits. He's such an idiot, OP needed to leave, it's not her circus, not her problem.

[@lalalachris]

Inheritance story: “you want money from me? My money? You avoided your duties, abandoned us and stole every penny. YOU owe ME.”

[@GrifoStelle]

16 hours a day, 7 days a week? And he can't pay 100k over his entire adulthood? What job does he have?

[@adollahfiddy1015]

Story 1 Update 2: believe she was trying to say spineless

[@PuppyKatt]

Story 2: OP, that man is NOT your father. He left you, your mother, and your sister penniless. Your grandparents raised you and your sister as though you were theirs, and made you and your sister his benefactors. You owe this stranger NOTHING. You owe those children, healthy or otherwise, NOTHING. Get restraining orders to keep these leeches away, and enjoy your sister and your home. Those deadbeat relatives of the sperm donor can help that child and his family. You are responsible for your sister, not a family of strangers who had nothing to do with you your entire life. They are cockroaches crawling out of the woodwork now that there is money and property involved. Please, get protection orders You are absolutely NTA. Edited to correct some spelling errors.

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

1) It shows how well she's been trained by him by expecting all of reddit to tell her that she was wrong and a bad person. It's extremely sad.

[@junelipinski2025]

Please update on the first story when you can. Wow, just wow! I hope OP doesn't get stuck with any of that debt.

[@rmhartman]

Failing actually prosecuting his parents for identity theft and fraud, he needed to declare bankruptcy years ago. It would have been over after only seven years.

[@Boe-Temeraire]

Story 2: if the other relatives are so bent out of shape over the deadbeat not getting an inheritance they can give him their own inheritance rather than telling the two kids the deadbeat abandoned to cough up their money.

[@Princetonian4eva]

Why would either the OP or her husband from story 1 have children - MULTIPLE KIDS - when there’s consumer debt to be paid off?!

[@PrincessAshley-Kawaii]

Last story OP should blast online how a tiny little man left the states to avoid payment, depleated the bank causing the mother to give op to the FATHER of his the tiny little man who didnt even VISIT his own father.

[@angeleyesgreen1586]

They need counseling together and separately. He needs to go for bankruptcy, and he needs to do whatever he can to lock down his credit and if his horrible family try anything, it's straight to the police.

[@sylviayoung149]

For anyone wondering what "apíñeles" means, I'm pretty sure it is a typo, and OP ment "spineless"

[@muhname6052]

Story 1: "I was supposed to go back to school." Does he still have debt? Because that makes me think this was all a control tactic.

[@shawnbrooks5293]

Story 1: why doesn't OP just declare bankruptcy? It would solve almost his problem