I Discovered My Fiances Secret Group Chat & I'm Sick To My Stomach r/Relationships

[@delilahbelle2125]

S1: I'm 3 minutes in, but bro seriously said pros are "flat stomach & doesn't let herself go," but in the cons said, "goes to the gym too much." **the hardest eye roll**

[@j.a.y.j.a.y.1107]

What had me laughing was the "bad morning breath", like sure doofus your morning breath smells minty fresh. 🤦🏿‍♂️

[@Ecclectic_citcelccE]

I came here to say that. 🙄

[@Early666]

I couldn't even make it 2 minutes. This list is insufferable. It takes a special type of jackass to want someone in shape but expect them to not workout.

[@johnbradbury8610]

@@j.a.y.j.a.y.1107 It does because he uses the new "Listerine" guaranteed fresh breath in the morning.

[@juliearmfield2634]

It took you 3 minutes

[@betheguy_posts]

Story 2: So they were gonna take OP's board game (that she hadn't played yet) and play it without her and then insulted her when she was upset about it by insinuating that shes being clingy? They took OP's ball and went home with it. Both OP's boyfriend and Lily are insensitive assholes.

[@tonyblake7569]

Exactly. Plus they made plans on the one night of the week they knew op could spend with her bf. Not sure what their schedules are but I'd never do that to someone my friend was dating. Also why that game? Even if they got another copy and didn't use ops, it was a game they never played before. There's countless games, pick one more than 4 people can play.

[@clockwork3494]

Agreed, it's astounding how rude they were. Also the whole "he had a bad ex" excuse is such bs, if you're going to judge and treat every potential partner like they're a gold digger then you're setting that person up to always be single. No one deserves to have people judge them based upon poor experiences from a person they've never met nor interacted with, that's like saying you don't want to take a cruise today because the Titanic sunk in 1912.

[@NexForemose]

Story 1: I'd get my shit out. Luckily she's already meeting with police. I'd leave the engagement ring with a piece of paper signed, "BJQ" for him to find when he gets back.

[@whitneybennett4857]

If I were her, I'd leave a note that said this. Pros: Makes a decent amount of money. Cons: Talks about me to his friends behind my back like I'm a sex object, has no respect for women in general, doesn't like the fact that I love animals, shares private videos of us on social media, thinks my face is gross, never cooks or cleans, is average in bed, and isn't very endowed.

[@blackrex828]

Well I found out what that means.

[@SLTheOneAndAwesome19]

Don't forget the note should include a pro/con list with the "pro" column containing the things she thought she liked about him and the "con" column saying "he lied about x" for each of them.

[@NexForemose]

@@SLTheOneAndAwesome19 Oo! Yasssss! I like that too!

[@uok6216]

I'd keep the ring to sell it.

[@benbraden9133]

Story 2 - they don’t like you girl. They think you’re bad for your boyfriend, why else would she make a passive aggressive comment about your mental health feeling better when you hang out with him? You don’t need to be invited, but they aren’t inviting you because they don’t like you.

[@ToxicSunrise132]

Yep! I'm neurodivergent, and I've had situations like this happen in the past. In my experience, no matter how hard you try to twist yourself to please, it's not gonna happen. There will just be a new thing to pick at you for

[@DrewLSsix]

Boyfriend doesn't like her, imagine telling your SO to divulge secret personal medical stuff to leverage you into the group, rather than just being a good partner and letting the friends know that he is taking care of Oap whether that means bringing her out to hang with friends or doing something alone.

[@benbraden9133]

@@DrewLSsix She did offer up a reason why he would suggest that; the fact that Lilly had been through mental health issues herself and would likely understand. However, if Lilly doesn’t like her, then bringing your own mental health issues up are going to reinforce already negative attitudes towards the relationship, especially if she’s protective of him.

[@sgm8265]

And they sound like a trying group of people to be around. OP's job is tiring enough so shouldn't feel bad about not giving them her time.

[@MiraTheWarlock]

Alright creepy BS aside, I'd like to note one of his pros was a less polite way of saying she takes care of herself But one of his cons is she goes too much to the gym MAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY

[@DominosAndHearts]

Omg yes this! The hypocrisy and irony

[@ohboy-zi1yf]

clearly this man just views her as a sex doll instead of a living breathing human being

[@MetisRose95]

That just tells me he’s stupid as well as an a hole.

[@marshawargo7238]

Because he doesn't want her going places without him? "She might be effing someone instead of going where she said she is"

[@streamerssaymyname]

Oh come on! If she was all that great she'd be able to keep up her physical fitness without any exercise at all. 😂

[@robinronin]

S1: The pros are all s-x and maid related, the cons are all human related. He likes her as an object that can please him, not as a human with hobbies, passions, and flaws. It’s... disturbing.

[@OuchingTigerLimpingDragon]

That's a very good observation. Just about sums it up.

[@justadragonwithaphone8878]

Story 1: I hope we get an update where Op goes scorched earth that is disgusting and terrifying. Hopefully she can get away and get rid of all of it

[@juliearmfield2634]

My heart breaks for this poor girl. I can't imagine how heartbroken and betrayed she feels right now. I hope she gets therapy from jump because this is going to be hard for her to get past.

[@MrJpaynebb]

That fiance is a fool and a moron. I truly hope she follows through and breaks up with him. He will look back in a few years and realize that he screwed up a very good relationship just to be one of the "Alpha" males to his friends. Also "pro" keeps in shape but his "con" is spends too much time at gym?! How does he think women or anyone usually keeps in shape especially as they get older? What a moron

[@MizMorgue1]

Ditto! BF is total flea poo. I NEED to hear that OP busted him, the friends and all of them were charged for this crime. AHs!!!!

[@WhitneyDahlin]

What a terrible man! She deserves someone as wonderful as she is and I hope he gets someone just as terrible as him. It's just so frustrating to see all of the terrible men in relationships with good women and all of the terrible women in relationships with good men! I suppose we don't hear about the relationships between two good people because they're happy and don't need to turn to Reddit for advice. Still its frustrating to see! Bad people always are attracted to good people. Bad people never stay together long with another bad person, even if they do get into a relationship together. They can ONLY have long-term relationships with good people because good people are willing to give them the benefit of the doubt and forgive them and not take revenge. Bad people are terrible to each other right away for no reason so it always falls apart pretty quick.

[@danielclegg5168]

Man here. I think the fiance saw OP's 'eagerness' as a red flag then overshared with his friends. If it was me in this situation I would be concerned that either my partner felt she couldn't say no to me. Even if she was really into that if there was no pushback like '3 B&J in one day's enough honey'. Or her urges are in the hyper range that her cheating is a certainty. A friend of an old co-worker was so hyper she would reach the O with herself 12-15 times a day. Couldn't keep a job, cheated constantly, was hospitalised twice because of self inflicted tearing and was put on meds to keep it under control.

[@TinyMidgieGooInc]

S1- Pros are mostly about her appearance and how she never gets frumpy or overweight and yet he complains that she spends too much time at the gym? Like you just can’t win.

[@CalamityM]

The bar for men in is hades, the bar for women is in the clouds

[@samx36]

It's all about how she reflects well on him until it's about her personal interests that isn't about him, like her animals or her self care

[@TonksRules]

I thought the same thing!! That and what magical fairy person has good breath in the morning??? What does he want?????

[@Yeahno-ey3rb]

Story 1: Lawyer up and press charges if OP can those videos were shared without her consent. Story 2: Why did OP let the boyfriend bring her NEW game to a get together she wasn't invited to? I see both OP and boyfriend being people pleasers and that won't end well for both of them. OP needs to step out and join other gaming groups to make new friends

[@johnbradbury8610]

They deserve each other. When Op said she couldn't make friends because "men find her attractive" lets you know the type of person she is. The BF making OP get on the phone was a spineless thing to do.

[@CurliFox]

​@@johnbradbury8610 I dont think that the OP was being shady. She works in a predominately male industry, and alot of men misinterprate friendship as flirtation. On top of that, many women dont want their husbands to have female friends. Her candle is being burned on both ends.

[@BoatsBigDay]

@@johnbradbury8610wdym? She said she’s in a male dominated field and it’s hard for her to make friends because men are attracted to her. That’s perfectly valid. It’s super hard to be friends with people that see you as a sexual object. Not saying men and women can’t be friends, or that men and attractive women can’t be friends, I’m a woman and I have most male friends. But I’ve had my _fair_ share of issues with male “friends” who became my friend with bad intentions.

[@mimikiryuu]

I've had the same issue. I was either competition to the women or sexually attractive enough to hound by the men. I have ZERO friends now. They're too much work when you're constantly on the defensive fight or flight. You don't even have to be all that attractive for that to happen. You just need to be around sleazy, insecure people in the workplace. @@johnbradbury8610

[@aduckofsomesort]

@@johnbradbury8610 huge difference between a girl who says she can’t make friends with girlsbecause of girls being jealous of her and a woman working in a male dominated field and not really knowing anyone outside of work

[@heatherdickau5335]

Story 2 Lillie is trying to get rid of OP. The boyfriend is weak. Why is he planning things on her day off without her? If he loves her, why doesn't he want to be around her?

[@CalamityM]

He doesn't love OP, he just wants to regularly drop his load into something that isn't a fleshlight.

[@maurer3d]

Yeah, with all the updates and comments from OP, I am wondering if the "Toxic Ex" was toxic or if it was Lily and Rowen that are the toxic ones, and Steven is just letting them puppet him.

[@sgm8265]

@@maurer3d Good catch. I think you may be right.

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

@@maurer3d The spineless bastard is going to let them sabotage all of his relationships.

[@cdelapaz5]

Wtf, bad breath in the morning?!?! Everyone has bad breath in the morning, I think its a scientific fact . Thats like listing that their poop stinks.

[@j.j.juggernaut9709]

But don't you know? Women's poop should not stink, they should always smell like rainbows and roses no matter what

[@YellaBellaReno]

“He thinks I lied about being a virgin when we met cause I’m ‘too eager’ in wanting to try too many things.” Who is more eager to have sex and try new things than a teenage virgin? Seriously, the mental gymnastics some people will do to justify their own insecurity, and make someone else responsible for it.

[@FlamesAndShadows]

Judging by gym comment, in another reality this guy would say she's too boring on bed and 'thats why he's entitled to fuck other women', or probably got her freak on with other guys and he gets only vanila for being in the relationship. There is no pleasing him. There are always new goalposts she fails to meet

[@carolsimpson4422]

Is she just supposed to lie there and think of England? Sheesh

[@YellaBellaReno]

@@carolsimpson4422 “Yeah. I dunno. It’s like, whenever we’re having sex, she’s not even _pretending_ to mourn the queen.” 😂

[@evecampbell3069]

I'd leave the place empty when he comes back with a text "Butter Face says bye." So he knows she's seen the group chat.

[@barbthegreat586]

Butter Face says expect a call from the police.

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

@@barbthegreat586 The police wouldn't call him. They'd be paying him a visit.

[@droehnix]

St2 op’s boyfriend will never have a successful relationship until he breaks up with his sister.

[@OuchingTigerLimpingDragon]

Right?! I thought the same. She's controlling him and his time so much.

[@BruinPhD2009]

​@@OuchingTigerLimpingDragon It's emotional incest.

[@brandi5126]

S1: Gross! What an absolute sleaze ball. This is such a scary situation because not only is it him being a creep but many of your childhood friends. So disgusting.

[@danielclegg5168]

OP has no actual evidence that he sent the pic & vids to them, just a hunch that could be her projecting. She covered her tracks when she gathered evidence on his iPad so she knows how to why wouldn't he know?

[@danielclegg5168]

OP's childhood 'friends' asking to see them though is creepy and makes me think that they were only interested in getting some of the OP's T&A the fiance described in his pro's section. Fiance did also TMI.

[@ZarineBashire]

S2 just makes me wonder if the last gf wasn't a piece of work but someone who just got tired of the toxic sister and friends and a spineless boyfriend.

[@AlastorsNight]

For story one, if I was in that position I probably would be sent to Guantanamo Bay due to all the war crimes I was about to commit on that man.

[@zarajones5428]

loves her body but hates the fact she spends time in the gym to get the body 🙄

[@hazeltulip]

Like the guys who love their wives with dyed hair and a full face of make up, but don’t wanna pay for it

[@DgShadowChocolate]

Boy Math at its finest.

[@jmac5951]

S2: Rowan sounds possessive of her brother, and Steven sounds like his back might be hurting him from all the times he's thrown OP under the bus

[@KonekoPurrrfection]

#2 this story just hurt my heart. She's being left out intentionally, sounds like she doesn't even get a lot of time with her SO, and they want to take her new game and enjoy it without her.... Id feel pretty crushed. Yes couples should have personal time without their SO but in this case it really doesn't seem like she is asking for much or even monopolizing her bf time. Sad

[@catalinacaro8183]

In my experience when people start randomly accusing you of manipulation and controlling, for behaviors that are not controlling at all, but are twisted to make them seem manipulative (in this case OP wanting alone time with spouse just for one day) speaks more of them than you, they see you like that because they are like that, and can't stand loosing the control they have over that person.

[@pippo17173]

The update makes it so disturbing that it might as well be a cult for that toxic women.

[@Alahyana]

As a neurodivergent ADHD + Aspergers that was only diagnosed almost 2 years ago in my 40s, my mouth move faster than my brain and still I have never had people act that negative about it! I accidentally said to a supervisor he was a masochist in a meeting and kept my job! What she said about Claire being tired was weird but not negative at all! In fact kinda innocent and cute!

[@iAstra]

And crying over being "called out for being tired" is outright ridiculous. Sure, the comment from OP was a bit strange, but as a fellow person with ASD, it's not like I haven't said similarly weird things before

[@YellaBellaReno]

I don’t get why it was weird. Claire had traveled that day, right? And then they were hanging out all night, yes? Most people are tired after traveling, and OP was just saying that “you look like your heart and mind want to stay up and hang out with the people you love, but your body is understandably not as enthusiastic.” In this context, it was a way of saying, “We would not be offended if you wanted to call it a night, kick us out, and go to sleep, because we know you’ve had a long day.” I say this as a narcoleptic, who does die inside a little everyone someone tells me I look tired: this was nothing to get upset over. Especially not when OP immediately apologized.

[@JenniSeven7]

Some people can’t get far enough past the implication that they don’t look like a fresh-faced supermodel to recognize the empathy. Any comment about looking tired or worn-out is perceived as a dig, no matter what tone it’s said in or how blatantly obvious their exhaustion is. I’m sure comparing her to a grandma in any way was also perceived as an insult.

[@cassandra6227]

Last story: OP, ditch all of these people!

[@immapotato1]

the comments on the update were...... enlightening...

[@pippo17173]

​@immapotato1 this group is legit a cult for just one women and it's disturbing

[@heatherdickau5335]

Story 1 - People need to stop letting others video them during intimate moments. Too many of these stories are about revenge porn. It won't happen to you if you don't allow yourself to be videoed. Full stop. Just don't.

[@MrBrachiatingApe]

The internet is forever! Or at least the rest of our lifetimes. I side gigged as a photographer for a good 16 to 18 years, can't remember how long exactly, and I only ever took boudoir still photos--nude or semi nude or just revealing, but nothing super explicit (though I might have if any of my exes had requested... Not sure.) I always gave them the memory card as soon as the shoot was done, and if the photos had to be edited, would always offer to do it in their presence. For their peace of mind; I never kept copies unless I was given them, and then the first thing you do when you break up / if you break up is erase absolutely everything. That's just part of being a decent human being. But even so, even knowing what my ethics and boundaries dictate I do, I would always make sure, if a woman I was seeing requested this, to give her a week to think about it. Make sure she wasn't asking after drinking or smoking weed or anything. And make sure I told her that if any of these got on the cloud (and I would make damn sure I did not let that happen) then they could end up anywhere. If nudes will ruin your life, do not take digital nudes. If a sxx tape will ruin your life, do not make a sxx tape. Even on non-cloud, non digital media.

[@nanidafaq7626]

Markee's Hawk Tua at 22:12 made me bust out laughing and now im being looked at like in crazy lmao

[@davidransom4476]

Story 1: The internet is forever. Never allow photos or videos.

[@Cjaj2]

pro: flat stomach, con: spends too much time at the gym. oh, fuck this guy

[@lilunette9319]

Imagine what would happen if OP gets pregnant. He's out of touch with reality.

[@chrisester2910]

People! Please listen up... DO NOT allow anyone to take explicit photos or videos of you. If such material exists, make sure that you maintain control over it and do not allow it to ever go online.

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

Unfortunately it’s highly likely that OP will become a victim of revenge porn down the line.

[@thePhoenixQueen]

Wouldn't be a victim if it wasn't recorded in the first place. I'll never understand why people feel the need to document private moments like that.

[@TheVeggiekat]

If dude shared it to his friends you know at least one of them posted it to Reddit or could even be making money off it on OnlyFans

[@TheVeggiekat]

@@thePhoenixQueenbecause people set up cameras you don’t know about. I’ve never sent or taken nudes of myself but Surprise found out an ex took nudes of me while I was changing and shared them.

[@jr5557]

​@@thePhoenixQueen this is so useless to say. She can't go back and unrecord them. She will be victim if theses are shared

[@kp2223]

​@@jr5557But it is a lesson for the future

[@66DoodleGal]

Story 1: Those ‘friends’ are getting their rocks off of that list because they didn’t get a shot with OP. He doesn’t want a wife, just a living sex doll

[@AmethystEyes]

Story 1: this is my worst nightmare and I am so sad for her.

[@IzzyPR2010]

Okay when BF suggested that OP not come to any future events, that should have been answered with "don't worry I'm ending this relationship so I don't be seeing you in the future". BF's a punk who will never have a long term relationship as long as he has Lily and rowan controlling his life. They complain about Op making a comments that caused a person to cry when they've done worse to OP and then told OP to suck it up.

[@sarahhosl2330]

Story 1 I hope she leaves a pro/con list about her ex in their group chat before leaving.

[@loganjoh1]

Story 1: “has bad breath in the mornings” so….like everyone?

[@DaBaseBallZ]

Story 2:So they didn't wantOP to come yet they took her own board game?!? Man,Hypocrisy is wild,NTA Update:Oh wait,I forgot about this,But why is guy still friends with Lily?!? That's not ok. Man,Some people just don't qualify as adults

[@janedoe885]

Story 2, WTF the comment to Claire seemed sweet? If Claire has her own mental health shit I can imagine how that could spiral into some negative internal crap about appearing tired or inadequate or whatever, but it's not the fault of the comment itself or OP. And it sounds like Rowan might be a shitty friend on multiple fronts, including TO Claire because if a friend starts getting worked up over something innocent like that it's better to let them know it's anxiety talking or whatever. The friend group sounds kind of shit and like OP walked into a circle that preys on her anxieties instead of uplifting in any way.

[@MisterNightfish]

Story 2: This sounds so weird. Even if it is a 4 person game, if this was me, I'd just play together with my GF as one player. What's the problem? Especially uncool to invite OP's game but not OP.

[@stellamccoy5259]

S2. NTA. If your boyfriend won't stand up for you, he is not worth your time. That girl does not like OP. Don't let him take your game. It is yours.

[@mandyj2809]

Story 2: If someone is lending you their game for a game night, the least you can do is invite them over to at least watch. Lily and her partner suck, the boyfriend had no business forcing OP to talk about her struggles to Lily, and OP might be better off getting out of the relationship and finding a better social circle.

[@LovesGaming37]

Story one: and that's just more reason to NEVER send or make videos that other person can control

[@kp2223]

Honestly the amount of people who think that making their own homemade porn is a good idea is freaking crazy

[@brianaschmidt910]

What's worse is I don't even think op knew the videos were even taken in the first place

[@kp2223]

@@brianaschmidt910 In the comments she notes that she knew the video was taken at the time and agreed to it being taken

[@jennifersilves4195]

Story 2... they're having game night with her game and not inviting her?

[@susankaempfer8427]

Don’t let them take your game, op!

[@bearb.7406]

Uh no 1) She was effing rude and gaslighting. 2) I played D & D in the 80's. 4 players? Huh? 3) There is a serious red flags here. Your partner is not protecting you. 4) If this escalates...change partners. 5) Using YOUR new game without you? WITF?

[@Frazzled_Chameleon]

What disgusting things to say about someone you want to make your life partner. He doesn't respect her at all. She should dump his ass and find someone who will worship her for the total catch she is. He can reflect on the total gem he torpedo'd right out of his life.

[@notevenlistening6072]

Wtf? Is Claire three years old? The only people I've ever seen get mad about being called tired are toddlers 😅

[@ApricotSauce]

I'm not really sure if Claire even had a problem with it though, I mean, she laughed at OP's comment at the time, and these siblings just said "she doesn't want to talk about it" when OP wanted to apologize directly, as if they didn't want her to see things for herself. I don't know if I'm being paranoid, but the bf just seems very manipulative and toxic towards OP

[@thotimusprimeofficial273]

25:00 demanding an EMT to get involved in activities after work is crazy

[@league-of-shadows]

I hope the legal repercussions for the POS ex from the first story is so strong the other guys delete any videos they received and they realize they weren’t true men. It’s disgusting how no one in that group of men stood up to defend OP and call out the ex for being disgusting. I hate when people share too much about their personal lives but this is just flat out illegal and vile.

[@samx36]

3 min in and Im already on OP getting the the heck out. His friends and her supposed friends??? Nope. Not safe. Run, dont walk.

[@debl3063]

Wait... The new game is OPs and they're going to play it first without her? She's not even allowed to watch to figure out the rules of HER game? Let them buy their own copy.

[@LorienInksong]

Last story: How does OP suck???? Why is OP being condemned for wanting support from her partner??? Also WTF on them taking OP's game to play without her. Her partner sucks, her partner's social circle sucks, and frankly all the people interrogating OP for faults suck too. Its gross that OP has to be ~perfect~ in everyway to deserve *checks notes* reasonable support from her partner and not to be demonized for being neurodivergent or having mental health conditions. Its so sad that to have to *earn* the bare minimum with impossible perfection, and suddenly they won't deserve even a scrap of compassion the instant a mistake is made. Love how OP has to mind her words perfectly, and is being treated as a sinner who can never be redeemed and will always be excluded and bullied.

[@DaBaseBallZ]

Story 1:Yo this guy is beyond creepy,He doesn't respect you,OP. Don't marry him,NTA Update:Yep,Far beyond creepy. Heck no words even describe him

[@ablankenship83]

S1 - this is a horrible situation, but at least she found out before getting married to this disrespectful POS. Sounds like she’s got her head on straight though and hoping she gets out of that relationship and far away from that guy.

[@ScurvyRascal]

Story 1 feels like that grape story going on in France right now.

[@LOLtz1]

Story 1: this is why group chats getting released is an international crisis.

[@moebiusjdx7288]

Yeah definitely... I was in "This is the idiotic shit you say with your idiot bros that must never see the light" mindset until he shared the intimate videos.

[@HappyNiniii]

Thinking about the Nth room in SK

[@helianabanes4875]

Dude, he wasn't going to "try" to share OP. He already WAS sharing her. Through talk, pictures, and effing video! Jebus! More, and more I think porn is bad for relationships, and women, AND men, for the same, and different reasons. This man is coming off as VERY dangerous, like, drug my wife, and invite my friends to sleep with her, and post it to the web, dangerous! So glad she is leaving!

[@ObsidianFaux]

I hope op is gonna be okay, poor girl, without the deadweight I hope she fully blossoms with the right sun She’s already a baddie, just hope the right person will shower her with the love and respect she deserves Story 2 and that “boyfriend” didn’t even leave when they didn’t play the game?

[@diamcole]

S2: OP needs to make friends and build community for herself. You can still do this despite being "quite attractive" lol.

[@Rose-yt5hi]

Maybe it’s just me, but I’m getting weird vibes from OP. People who find themselves in that much drama all the time usually bring it or invite it. Like she can’t get along with any other woman because their SO’s just find her so attractive…? Erm. Her bf and his friends still suck, but I just get the feeling these issues will continue to follow her in her next relationship/group.

[@anxnymous_bodies]

@@Rose-yt5hiIt happens. That’s actually a very real problem for attractive people. Most of the attractive people I know, have issues finding friends for similar reasons. It always comes down to jealousy and envy. This is often the case for men and women alike, if they’re attractive enough. One of my best friends had this exact problem growing up, actually. She has few friends today because of it. OP’s story isn’t far-fetched at all

[@EsnesnonNONSENSE]

@@Rose-yt5hi Right?? I feel the exact same way and was confused no one else was commenting on that whole response by the OP. Also it’s just so strange that all the significant others of her guy friends seem to have an issue with her. The way she talked about her coworkers wives and girlfriends was the first time I went “heh?” and then she talked about how she’s so attractive and presents herself as the perfect partner to each guy. Felt off putting. And that’s coming from a girl with a lot of guy friends as well. I even met my best friend through her husband and now all three of us game and hang out together constantly. Maybe I’m not pretty enough to be a threat. 😂 Ofc Lily and co are being assholes by excluding her like that. Especially since it was her game and her one night off to spend with her boyfriend.

[@diamcole]

@@Rose-yt5hi No, you're definitely not the only one. I can understand wanting to be embraced by your boyfriend's friend group but going about it this way just screams insecurity. Sometimes it's other people and sometimes it highlights an internal pattern that needs to be addressed. Still don't think they handled it the best either but something isn't really adding up to me. Maybe they have good reason to not want her as a friend.

[@Rose-yt5hi]

@@EsnesnonNONSENSE If you were as attractive as OP, you’d understand. 😤 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@MikeWeathers-fo1vs]

S1: yeah, I had a long distance college age GF who I had dated for a year or so and came to her college to surprise her for her birthday the next morning. She wasn’t home at 8am on a Sunday morning. Her roommate said her coworkers took her to breakfast, (….sure they did. Guaranteed she didn’t come home the night before.) said I’d wait as they shouldn’t be long, so I waited in her room. There was what appeared to be a “school age” note folded up on her nightstand. I opened it up, it was a Pro/Con list with me and some other dude. Let me tell you, that hurt…a lot. To be summarized with all your faults on a list from someone you cared deeply for…ouch. FU Jana.

[@miirax393]

Story 1: op's husband: pros, she doesn't let herself get fat, cons, she goes to the gym too much 🙃

[@FlamesAndShadows]

Also, she's a rare blend of genetic lottery of flat stomach, but generous curves and response to maintenance that doesn't make her look flatter or muscular as a side-effect. But this guy prefer to look for flaws to pretend he's doing her a favor

[@fallingawayfromthenorm]

Story 1 - It should always be a major red flag if you either find out or constantly hear directly from your partner than your list of pros is almost exclusively about your physical appearance (especially saying crap like “not letting themselves go”) and willingness to be intimate with them. There’s nothing good about her that isn’t those aside from being funny and smart and good at cooing and baking? She isn’t fun, romantic, adventurous, creative, thoughtful, affectionate, or any number of positive traits a partner can have? He sounds not much different from that dude whose wedding vows included her keeping him empty, whether she wanted to be a toaster strudel or Twinkie that night, and more - all of this in front of both their families and their young daughters.

[@DrewLSsix]

Pro: flat stomach Con: too much time in the gym. General grossness aside, this is a bad sign, if OP keeps in shape as life happens she loses, if she let's herself slip she loses.

[@janjanl1812]

S1 is a good reason why women want to stay single. It’s too scary!

[@mbyerly9680]

I feel sorry for the young today. They enter relationships with low expectations, and they aren't even given that.

[@1Katakana]

Story 1: I would have bought a blow-up doll, put her in a maid outfit, and put a list with take-away numbers on her, as well as a note saying "Congratulation with your new wife" (and also sent a picture of that to the group).

[@zookie3737]

s1 "bad breath in the mornings" yeah that's NORMAL dude, wth???

[@sourisvoleur4854]

I love the term "your soft place to fall." Definitely what we need in a partner.

[@evanowen8689]

S2....Everyone seems to have not noticed that the sister Rowan is playing a role in how Op is being treated she briefly mentioned it. I bet she's jealous and has been spreading rumors.

[@kyriacarica5862]

None of the people in story number two should be qualified to be adults. Wtf

[@k3upikachu]

S1: I dated a guy like this. He told all his friends I was "insane" in bed and a lot of details about our sex life and my body, so they all tried to hook up with me every time I saw them & he thought it was funny. He'd also tell me I "look like a teenager and I love it" (I was in my 20s). He had a similar group chat. Luckily, he wanted to be a lawyer and was extremely careful about data privacy and any media that could have repercussions on his future career, so he never took any nude photos or videos of me. However, he, laughing, told me that one friend had set up hidden camera in his dorm in college and sent videos of every hookup to the group chat. After we broke up, I realized he never really saw me as a human or took me seriously. It sucked to come to terms with but was instrumental in getting over the breakup and knowing what *not* to look for next time. I'm glad OP knows she deserves better, and hope her ex either becomes a good person or loses his mask so he can't hide his misogyny from other women

[@JasperCatProductions]

Story 2 I wouldn’t be involved with this man…..let him marry his precious sister.

[@kristinecollier9155]

EVERYONE has bad breath in the morning!

[@littlestrawberryfaery]

Story 1: baby needs to go in there and delete all his shit.... Make sure they ain’t nothing that he got and then leave ✨💕

[@magnarcreed3801]

Story one is why I won’t date men. How many in that chat? How many she was friends with for decades? Her own partner? Not worth it.

[@pwmgirl]

Story 1: I wish guys could understand that, telling your guy friends about your partner's sexual performance is a "shoot on the foot"! 🎯 all of them will be imagining and wondering them having the same experience with your partner. And don't be fooled. They will be hitting on your ex when they break you up!😅 it's NOT a flex! I know it for a FACT😅

[@test-kf2zv]

I'm very curious about Steven's ex. Something makes me think she was also pushed out. OP did make a bad joke, but it happens. She apologized.

[@petitmains]

Story 1: so the cons are she's a human...and the pros are "she serves me" Girl this man is a con from top to bottom

[@spikeoramathon]

She should leave him, take all the stuff she bought for the place, and leave a note simply saying "goodbye from Butterface."

[@Zaddy-Lu]

I personally would find it endearing to be told I looked like a grandma who was super tired but excited to see her grandchildren. But, I also wouldn't have taken it as "you look old," which is what I'm assuming Claire & Rowan interpreted it as.

[@HamsterPooh]

It makes me think about how Beyonce talked about JayZ versus how he talked about her. You could see the cheating coming from a mile away because he didn't see her as a person.

[@AmethystEyes]

Story 1 terrifies me, is this really what men do? I am a virgin and am so worried of something like this happening?

[@grahn3878]

Story 1 that man’s a narcissist. She needs to run

[@KonekoPurrrfection]

#1 that guy is such a creep... OP deserves way way better... I wouldn't even wish this type man on an enemy

[@madcatlady]

story 2 is why I don't even bother hanging out with snarky neurotypical normies who enjoy playing nasty mind games, I prefer other blunt tactless people like me anyday, what you see is what you get, they are out there OP just needs to find them and ditch the people pleaser boyfriend who just sees her as a trophy

[@robertbehof683]

Seriously she ought to have not said a word at first and then just handed a list of his pros and cons and then just said in the coldest voice possible “explain this if you possibly can?”

[@piratsnygg]

Story 2 is so confusing to me. Why was the grandma-comment so bad? Maybe it's because I'm ND myself, but I genuinely don't understand. I know what it's like having to mask and censor yourself all the time, and it's exhausting, but most of the time I get it, when someone explains why what I said what bad. But THAT comment? What is going on?! 😭

[@janedoe885]

There’s a comment under the video where a viewer seemed to take it as Claire looking old and tired, but that seems more like a listening comprehension problem their end.

[@YellaBellaReno]

Hmmm. I may have a unique take one this one, so I’ll give it a shot, but even I find this ridiculous. I’m a narcoleptic, and it’s not unusual for myself and others suffering from chronic fatigue or sleep disorders to become sensitive about our sleepiness. Like, people point it out and pick on you for it, like it’s not something you have zero control over and isn’t actively messing with your life. With that being said, if someone doesn’t know that about me, I’m not going to get mad or even upset. At worst, I’ll just explain it to them and heavily emphasize how vulnerable my condition makes me, making them feel bad…. but even that’s only if they are being a huge dick. You know, the ‘kill them with kindness’ method. OP apologized right on the spot though, so I don’t see any justification for the escalation. The only other thing I can think of is that no one likes being told flat out that they look sick or tired, but OP worded it in such a flowery way, I don’t think that’s it either. I mean, wasn’t this girl presumably traveling that day before hanging out that night? And isn’t it customary to check in with the traveling guest the night they arrive, and make sure you ramp things down when they’re ready to call it a night? It is in my circles. It’s just so weird.

[@donkeykong1336]

people who preach inclusivity are the first to exclude anyone they don’t like or agree with, see it only applies to them 🤦🏽‍♀️

[@oogawa13kokomi]

Markee don't hawk tuah at us 😂😭

[@maurer3d]

Story 2: Dude... If any of my friends talked to my SO like that, I would go LC for at least a while, till they apologized (a real one, not just one to get back into my good graces). Story 2 (update): Sorry OP but his sister and Lily don't like you for some reason. Them planning this "game night" on your night off was totally intentional, to keep you and your BF apart. This is obvious from the fact they didn't even play the game, they were blaming your lack of invite over. Story 2 (comments): And there it is.... Lily is in love with Steven, and keeping him on deck in case her marriage fails. Yes what you said was weird (a weird way to say you look tired), but it wasn't anything offensive. I think it sounds like all the women in Steven's life, see him as their property to control. It is making me think Steven's "toxic" Ex may not have been toxic at all, and that his sister and other female friends, just convinced him of it.

[@paigehansen8944]

Story 2, the comment about the Rowan Incident: The OP is asking if such a comment is worth making her apologize & exclusion. The fact is OP hurt Clair, and some people don’t want people who stick their foot in their mouth & hurt others around. Do I think it was a harmless comment? Yeah, what OP typed seemed fine. If I were tired from travel & compared to a grandma by a stranger I don’t think I’d like it per se, but I personally wouldn’t be hurt to the point of crying. Maybe if I was really, _really_ tired, cause then anything could make me cry. Story 2 in general: OP comes off as an unreliable narrator to me for a few reasons, but one really sticks out to me. OP stated they don’t like to invite themselves places/wont go places where they aren’t wanted. OP even gave a story about how they learned this from their grandmother. But in the Rowan Incident story in the comments, OP invited themself to the weekend with Clair and was pushy with Steven until he called Rowan to ask. So I guess that’s more of a pattern of behavior than OP is letting on?

[@chrisester2910]

I would wait and make it my mission to get that folder and delete it, then I would plot my exit and make like Ivanna Trump and "Get EVERYTHING, darling!".

[@shadowkissed2370]

Story 2: It's definitely the sister behind it all. If you notice, the OP mentioned feeling excluded from get-togethers that the sister was part of before. As an autistic girl who's also a gamer with more male than female friends, I totally get where OP is coming from. It’s tough making friends because girls often think you’re being flirty with their boyfriends or any guy around, and they can't seem to find anything in common with you. Meanwhile, guys tend to develop crushes just because you share their interests

[@angelaa7388]

Waiting for the update with this dude's *surprised Pikachu face*

[@splashman187]

S2: op isn’t invited to a game night where they plan to play the game SHE bought! NTA

[@oneproudpeacock6901]

Story 1 message for all ladies - Treat him like a king, he'll treat you like a concubine

[@dragonkings01]

story 2, yeah those people are trash and makes me rethink the narrative they made about his last girlfriend. maybe she just wasn’t having them pull shit like this.

[@WaitingxInxSilence]

BJ Queen. If someone talked about my partner that way, we would not be friends.🤢

[@BambixLynn]

Story 2: Even if people know you work crazy hours or are more introverted and more likely to decline than to attend; it’s the invitation that matters. It makes someone feel wanted to be there regardless. “I didn’t think you’d want to come” or “you never accept any invites” or “you’re always working anyways” just hurts sometimes.

[@lina9535]

S1: These are my own thoughts and I'm not trying to bash anyone who's in or had a relationship like this. However, there's a reason I really dislike the "highschool sweethearts" thing. When you get together, you often show your best self, and when you start in your early-middle teens, what would/could be red flags seem normal when you're older, because you've gotten used to them. I'm in no way saying that people shouldn't date in their teens, just that they should be more mindful of things (teens aren't stupid, and are sometimes more mature than some give them credit for). It's just so easy for bad behaviour to seem normal when it follows along for years.

[@VidGirl88]

S1: I smell 'alpha male' podcast consumers S2: sweet mother of toxic red flags, ditch the whole lot of 'em.

[@KJ-sp9jq]

S2: The boyfriend and his friends all sound toxic as fuck. It's board game night, not exactly the most secretive of meetings. I've let friends bring their new significant other or a friend over. It usually makes it more fun. I don't get the feeling that anyone likes or respects her very much, including the BF.

[@CygnusPrime]

*Story 1* Inexperienced boys talk about their sex partners, real men don't. Even when guys discuss their sex life, under *NO CIRCUMSTANCES* will any guy discuss his and his fiance's sex life with his friends.

[@rockinthegange]

Adults with the maturity of middle schoolers.