I Failed Out of Harvard

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[@ForHarriet619]

Thanks for your continued support! If you love this kind of content, help me make more of it patreon.com/forharriet

[@intellect1st122]

For Harriet :))))) 👍👩🏽‍🎓 Your very much a multi layered and inwardly complex woman, thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings. The reason you didn’t feel sad’ when you failed Harvard was? In life when people are under tremendous stress, it’s sometimes a relief to end that situation, a-bit like being fired from a job that you actually hate, the tension eases.

[@talandamcclure8942]

Kim, you are the best human being. I hope you keep "For Harriet" alive forever. You give US all hope!

[@cinnamon5930]

Thank you

[@DefSquadFan]

You didn't explain why you had bad grades at Harvard prior to getting that phone call in December. Like why were your freshman grades so bad?

[@IshtarNike]

Have you looked into the new research about praise and self esteem. Basically what I've seen recently is that praising kids for being "smart" or "pretty," seemingly innate qualities that they can't change, is actually a bad thing. Apparently the best way to praise children is to praise their effort and hard work directly. Otherwise they develop unhealthy relationship to themselves, like they have to live up to their own hype. Personally I've realised that I had anxiety for a long time but just couldn't understand it because it was often easy to manage. It was only when things in my life changed when I went to uni that it got extremely bad and I had to take time out of my studies.

[@ForHarriet619]

This makes a lot of sense!

[@dr.dermixgirlmd7479]

Yes. I’ve read this research about the “fixed mindset” vs the “growth mindset”. Very interesting stuff. My 6 year old’s school is encouraging the growth mindset which praises effort and problem solving to get results versus rewarding innate “smartness” which makes children feel like if they aren’t naturally bright that they shouldn’t even try because intelligence is a “fixed” trait. Kim, you and I have so much in common. I went to Yale. I didn’t flunk out but I was sooo depressed. I went on to graduate medical school and eventually crashed and burned in my surgical residency when for the first time in my life I wasn’t getting the praise for being the best and learning that my dad was dying of cancer. It’s like your story is my story.

[@TheMunekiNeko]

100% this, Carol Dweck has written a lot on this. But praising effort over outcome builds a growth mindset and greater resilience.

[@kr3642]

I was praised for how smart i was until i was in middle school when people suddenly stopped saying anything. It really fucked with me and i began to underachieve, thinking i was stupid. Thats stayed with me ever since.

[@reginayfavors]

@@TheMunekiNeko Dweck also talks about the power of "not yet." You haven't achieved it yet, but you're on your way. You are a work in progress type of thinking versus only believing you are an "A" and being vulnerable and confused when you get an "A-." Praise the process not necessarily the grade.

[@loveAmiXOXO]

You don't know how important this is coming from a black girl. Thank you for your story

[@sokenzi]

I got pregnant my senior year and flunked out of college...three years later I’m still trying to finish school as a single mom w/a three year old. It’s hard...but I’m getting it done. Life is crazy! Just have to make the best out of it.

[@skyangelthefan]

I became pregnant at 18 yo. I went back to college at 33 yo graduated from Nursing school at 38 yo than I followed my original career dream of becoming a FA ✈️ at 49 yo, so don’t give up on school and in achieving your dreams even if, it takes year’s! I am cheering you on!!!

[@cyajohnson9701]

Wow, this isn’t talked about nearly enough. That validation us “smart” kids got during middle/high school is definitely damaging to our futures. Life isn’t full of the constant success, awards, and validation we got in our early years. It definitely damaged my self-concept and left me depressed from my sophomore year until now (one year post graduation) but I’ve been working on finding other ways to validate qualities other than achievement, s/o to therapy.

[@dugebuwembo]

This 👆🏿

[@orangepulp392]

I had a breakdown age 16 and was asked to leave high school lol. I spent years doing nothing living with my parents. Working shit minimum wage jobs that never worked out for long. This year I went back to school and did a high school equivalent course. Now I'm going to a pretty good university this October. Hope it goes well.

[@Aieshoo]

orange pulp You will do well.

[@AD-cy4vj]

Hope you're doing well

[@orangepulp392]

@@AD-cy4vj thanks but I’ve been in a mental hospital since November 2019 it sadly didn’t go well

[@gay4vivi294]

@@orangepulp392 omg :( i’m praying for ur healing

[@drkaryeroe]

@@orangepulp392 When you are better, you will go back!

[@HollyBadger56]

Wow. I nowhere near went to Harvard......but my dad passed my sophomore year as well. It wrecked my college experience. He was my best friend. I had never failed or even made an F on anything and failed a class that semester. I never went to class, had no motivation to do anything. I was depressed for a long time, graduated in a major I didn’t care about but pulled my grades up to a 3.5. I tried to go back to school after and dropped out after a few months. It’s 8 years later now and I’m happier than I’ve ever been :) I just finished my masters degree last week!

[@ForHarriet619]

YAY!

[@jazztivity7505]

Yay first comment lol

[@kimmyball4961]

Congrats!!!!

[@itsmeBMACK]

Holly, I really needed to see this. Went through almost the same thing. Lost my day during my freshman year of college, 18 yrs old and totally lost all hope. I'm now 31 and desperately wanting to complete my bachelors degree. This gives me hope and confidence

[@MsDreamscaper]

Sorry for the loss of your father. You have some beautiful memories that will never leave. Congratulations on your achievements.

[@alwaysmep]

I needed this, 27 and still trying to get back on track.

[@Vania.Carolinaa]

Me too!!

[@nakishaajohnwilliams1242]

You are not alone.

[@Em-bo4lp]

Same but 25 😞

[@h.b.1315]

Same but 28

[@mikilacunningham6259]

@@h.b.1315 I'm 30yrs old & look into the workforce development center. If u'r on any government programs they offer work shop where u can get certificates & maybe even move away to join JobCore & other free college opportunities

[@theamethyst93]

I went to an all girls private university and i was struggling. It was very clear and very visible. I was dressed like a slob, looked like i rolled out of bed, i was nodding off falling asleep in class, i was crying everyday barely eating. I looked seriously ill. This one professor never gave up on me. Ive never had anyone in my life care that much about me that wasnt my family. She let me turn in work laaaaaate like end of semester late and never said anything about it. She just kept telling me she saw something in me and she believed in me. I was going through a severe depression because there was some crazy shit going on in my life. Im not going to mention it because i am taking it to my grave, i dont want anyone to stumble acros this account and find out but trust me when i say i actually needed a serious intervention and to be checked in to a mental institution. I was putting my life at risk with the shit i was doing and not a single soul ever found out. When i got my first job after college which im actually still at i emailed her thanking her. If it wasnt for her i would have never graduated, i would have just stopper showing up.

[@nope_no_nunya.]

It is your right not to mention it here. It's no one's business, but maybe you can mention it to someone objective and non-judgemental like a counselor. Secrets have a way of eating us alive. Be well ✌

[@louise-yo7kz]

Thank God for that professor and Congratulations to you too, for sticking it out.

[@perri_6]

That professor had your back, fo' real!. 👍 Hope all is well with you. ❤

[@JL-jh6zn]

where did you go?

[@dressupdana]

I was politely let go from the first college I attended (academic dismissal). Now I’m a teacher. It’s really funny how shit turns out Kim. Glad it ended well. You turned out great. 😀

[@stoneghana4171]

Me too! I ended up getting two masters degrees and I’m about to get my PhD.

[@SecretConceit]

Stone Ghana I needed to hear this because I was just let go from my job and am trying to figure out what’s next.

[@candystayinaturalalexander5869]

@@SecretConceit I know it's a set up for something greater in your life.

[@kolbydroberts]

WOW! I am a white gay man who grew up in rural Ohio. Your story paralleled my story SO MUCH! Thank you for sharing!

[@dipper3664]

I just LOVE listening to you speak. I am a young lady, who just graduated from middle school being valedictorian of her class with a 96.4 average. I’ve been told by many adults that I am very educated and mature for my age, specially because of my political views and high vocabulary that is often spoken from a senior. Harvard is my future college, as well. I am a very independent female with goals I set out to reach everyday, also being a perfectionist and a workaholic myself. However, I do suffer from anxiety, a little bit of depression and a few panic attacks from time to time. My mother and I also haven’t had that talk yet either, so it is a little hard a times. Additionally, when I bring up my future goals, such as Harvard for instance, being one of my future schools, family would usually laugh, brush me off, and not take me seriously. I always question myself saying, “am I not smart enough?”, “Am I dreaming to big?”, this gives me very unhealthy anxiety. Making me push myself way to much. I sometimes feel so unmotivated all together that i would cry myself to sleep, not depending on someone most of the time. But, after listening to your story, it made me feel a sorta comfortability I haven’t felt in a long time. So thank you, I’m never really the one to comment, I prefer supporting an influencer from a distance, but I just want to tell you to keep doing what your doing! LOVED THE VIDEO OVER ALL

[@tcg5427]

Listening to Abraham Hicks and Louise Hayes helped me deal with aniexty

[@genericscout5408]

D. Making connections, and growing. Have a great time.

[@janellentim]

Lovely lady are a young lady rather than a female.

[@kr3642]

Im sorry about your family's attitude. Thats rough. I know how little things like that stack up.

[@bfarr9]

Go beyond that middle school average freshman year and beyond try to make sure you have a 97+ in all your classes. Each year give your self some slack 94+ Junior Year on. You are capable but you can prepare yourself for college and life if you learn how to study throughout. Highschool = challenge yourself don’t just take classes that will lead you to valedictorian again. Learn to love learning and the grades will come with it. At the end of the day those numbers don’t measure yourself worth. Pride yourself in your extracurricular achievements in your growth in your ability to speak publicly , etc.

[@nayafitzgerald]

Thank you for this. I had been dismissed from school during sophomore year, and i was homeless at the time. I had been anxious and depressed about my situation. I had to sit out a semester . I then went to a community college to get my grades up , and now I’m back into my school! Yes, it will take me another 2 years to get my B.A. but your story helped me . I am now, not ashamed !

[@louise-yo7kz]

So proud of you 😍

[@DRay4eveZ]

🥳

[@hannahlevin3286]

Did you attend Harvard, too?

[@adamsribmediatv]

Thank you for your testimony. This is an example of how to “fail up”. Taking lemons and making lemonade. Thank you for sharing.

[@adamsribmediatv]

And thank you for coming back.

[@Tanaka193]

My dad passed away my freshman year and I nearly flunked out, but this one professor kept giving me so much grace and I owe them so much for helping in that dark time. Thank you so much for sharing.

[@MrAvidstudent246]

I dropped out of UC Berkeley and never graduated. I suffered from anxiety and depression too.

[@kittyearsheadbands8810]

Greg Willie I almost dropped out but I snapped out of it and finished

[@nakishaajohnwilliams1242]

You need to know that even being excepted into such a pestigious institution is an accomplishment. I understand why you would be depressed.Persons who are drawn to the Berkley experience are the some of the greatest humanly people in the western hemesphire. Not all may have attended due to geography and finances

[@critical-thought-4all561]

KittyEars&Headbands With all due respect, one doesn’t just “snap out” of clinical depression and anxiety. Such beliefs and rhetoric are quite dismissive and thus harmful to those truly challenged by and suffering with these disorders. Being depressed or anxious for a brief while, or having an episode of such based on an event or a particular circumstance is profoundly different from a serious mental health diagnosis.

[@Mtootloop]

Why am I listening to this and it mirrors my own experience being a overachieving student & losing a parent at the same time without being able to process my emotions? I'm grateful we can openly discuss emotional health as women of color and how our culture does not always permit this type of dialogue. Thank you for your transparency!

[@Orangesky3818]

I went to Harvard too for a Master’s degree and I completely agree... I had serious mental health issues and they were so supportive and understanding. I have many critiques of that institution but the way they support students dealing with mental health issues is something I truly am forever grateful for and in awe of honestly. Thanks for telling your story. Takes incredible bravery. I really identify with many aspects of this... high achieving as a manifestation of anxiety and depression.... gosh I’ve never heard anyone tell it that way.

[@clevawoman]

YES!!! I've been diagnosed with OCD since my 20s (I'm 50). People don't understand how unhealthy OCD really is. People do celebrate obsessive behavior.

[@louise-yo7kz]

Yes. Very serious problem

[@deidraleitner5787]

I am beyond shocked you didn't go to a HBCU!! I really regret not going myself because I was a kid of the "system". I was an orphan by the time I was 8 yrs. old. Your story sounds like mine though. I was obsessed with high achievements in academics, sports, clubs, etc. I literally felt like a failure because I got a 1280 on my SAT exam. Even after I got a full ride to a university and started dating a football player, I still felt like an underachiever. No one was there to praise me, I became overly amazing at self-praise. I was constantly called a conceited bitch because I didn't associate myself with people who had no goals, intellect, dreams, or ambition. Sophomore year of college my drinking became heavy and I started blacking out. I checked myself into a treatment center and that's when I found out I suffered from depression. That was 30 years ago and to this day I mentor young people about my story and I advocate for getting help for mental health issues. Unfortunately I'm dying now but I'm leaving behind a great legacy in my children and my husband.

[@koriribarsosio4174]

Deidra Leitner 💗💗

[@huey1153]

Wtf

[@marshad905]

What a legacy to leave to behind! People who love and appreciate you and continue to live your purpose. Many blessings to you on your transition

[@xanaduxanadu4325]

How are you doing? Pls let us know.

[@no-one00]

Thank you for this. God bless you

[@ninjasavings]

I can definitely relate to this video. I just recently graduated from Cornell University. I almost failed out my freshman year, but I was able to eventually graduate.

[@DefSquadFan]

Black women like soccer? Maybe you weren't born in america.

[@danielcrotty8697]

Yes!!!!! I was in the same place while I was in college. I had a 4.0 GPA, honors, worked as a TA, did extracurriculars, and became a finalist for the Rhodes Scholarship. Unfortunately, I was overworked and depressed while all this was happening. I ballooned up by nearly 100 pounds and My health was not doing well at all. I dropped out of my final semester, but I still graduated with a 3.9, honors, and a minor. I have not returned to school since then. It was just too much. I too needed the praise and achievement and I was willing to do anything to get it. I also cared about what I was doing because none of it made since if it was just for me and my needs.

[@Arri7979]

Your story is so similar to my own, even up to the 100-pound weight gain. I hope you are taking care of yourself now.

[@KezzyBoo]

Wow! I can totally relate to your childhood depression experience and the school obsession. School was the only thing that made me feel good about myself. I felt acknowledged by education, awards and being seen as smart because I was invisible at home. I lived with my mother and two oldest sisters' that are 10 plus years older than me and everyone either worked or had their own lives to tend too. On the other side of it, when I really think about it, being good at school work only added to my invisibility. People around me knew that I'd do well and the "good jobs" started to feel forced and there was no positive reinforcement to keep me going. I motivated myself throughout my school years and it makes me sad sometimes. With that said, anxiety vividly came into my life while I was in high school, but I didn't recognize it until years later. During my sophomore year of college, my anxiety became social and the depression overwhelmed me so much that I left college during fall quarter and was looking into to dropping out. The thought of not finishing something I started hurt, but I was exhausted. Somehow I went back during spring; changed my major to something that made me a little more happy and graduated a year later than expected, but I did it. I got my degree. Unfortunately, I am still battling my depression and anxiety, but I take it day by day. We often feel like certain experiences are ours and no one else's, but it's refreshing to know that someone had a similar experience and came out on top. I appreciate your transparency.

[@michelleDAjourno]

Thanks for sharing, Kimberly. I admit I cringed at the “not a weirdo” with no friends part because that was me in high school, and to a much lesser extent, college. Nonetheless, I loved this video b/c it’s going to help so many young Black woman going through life challenges, including academic setbacks. ❤️

[@ForHarriet619]

Sorry! I shouldn't have said that.

[@chelecovers6893]

@@ForHarriet619 hi, I'm new to your channel. Your name is Kimberly and not Harriet?

[@sw01237]

michelleatdawn Yes I cringed as well because that was me too

[@mariefrancoise12]

@@chelecovers6893 "Harriet" is for Harriet Tubman (I think). If I'm wrong, I stand corrected. Thanks

[@open2417]

I just got to that part of the video and cringed thinking someone watching may not have friends. So sorry that you struggling with feeling like that. I work with many youth who have social anxieties and don’t have friends. They really struggle and say people call them “a weirdo”. Anxieties manifest in different ways. Hang in there and know you are amazing!

[@lavellans]

I'm honestly going through this around now, attending a top school. I'd just rather move countries at this point, but I'm broke. I saw another comment about receiving "praise" versus problem-solving and it makes a lot of sense. I never realized how results-driven I was as a kid. I hardly got praised for the creative things I did, and when I tried my best, but it wasn't up to caliber, I was told it was bad. On one hand, I was praised for being better than others, making results, high scores, but on the other I was told not to get ahead of myself and that I wouldn't be shit. And I'd always want to learn things for fun, but the only things I was praised were for math. I just accepted it, and would do what I needed to get those results and grades. Others around would praise me and want me to teach them, but I couldn't even explain how I did well. I just did it for the results because all of the creative things didn't matter. I ended up finding a balance of smarts and creativity in high school, and despite having separate issues, I functioned well enough to get into good colleges. But once I reached college, I was doing okay for a while and then literally began failing at things. I don't know who I'm really speaking too with this message. .. but its hard. Advisors tell me "Just pull it together" and "do this" but it took me a year to realize that for the first time in my life, I didn't actually care about anything because it didn't produce results. I made friends, I have activities, my family has issues but I don't really care. It's a mystery to adults why I've become bad on paper. Honestly. I feel like once I turned adult I started making horrible decisions and I know people say, "You're so young, whole life ahead of you" -- that feels minimizing and it doesn't really help me to climb out of the shit grades I've already gotten myself into. It's hard to complain because in urban communities complaining is like being weak. Crying gets you more hits, ya know? I'm doing better than my relatives did since I'm not running around with men, having kids, or doing substances. But mentally, I can't focus. I felt myself burning out fast, but I know I want a degree, even if for my pride, I want that stupid piece of paper to prove I am something. So, thanks, stranger for reading this. I hope no other kid has to experience not knowing how to fail. 💖 And yeah, the booklets are still sent around, girl, 2019 nope they don't care about the environment.

[@exceedingly4665]

Can we talk about your HAIR, PLEASE! It looks great!

[@gen.c4853]

I just came across this video. Apparently our paths crossed but we never met. I enrolled at Harvard in 2005, was a resident tutor for 4 years and completed my doctorate in 2013 (it was great having Oprah as our commencement speaker!). The burden and stress of grad school led me to vlog (sunshower143) and guest blog (BGLH). I can relate to your story both personally and as a tutor who spoke with undergrads facing difficult life circumstances. Great video!

[@chasingwisdomproject]

"The only thing you can't come back from is death" that really resonated with me. I just started following your channel. You are not only smart, you are gaining wisdom which I've learned more recently are not the same thing. I went through the worst year of my life in 2018. I'm 40 years old, I've always had it together. However, I had an event happen that changed everything for me. It made me have to deal with things I really hadn't in the past. Thank you so much for you honesty. I look forward to watching more. God Bless :)

[@theushistorian]

You are a success story. The greatest success is falling down, getting back up and working to achieve your goals. What you did in returning to school took great courage and perseverance. Additionally, your honesty about the entire situation is refreshing and inspiring. Congratulations!

[@GreenNectarines]

Your story reminds me of mine. I was "the one" coming up but I burnt out in hs (Endometriosis kicked my ass as did my depo provera) and had to work hard to get through community college and get into the university I'm at now. And my first year there, my dad died because of sickle cell. I think I am capable of taking it on anyway... my first semester wasn't the best but my second was better and I'm gonna keep going no matter what.

[@AFFTFOMSICHTS]

I’m a college drop out and doing fine in life, it bothers me I haven’t finished yet but will eventually, Its just not the right time right now. I was in an extremely abusive and controlling relationship when I was in college that started in high school. I ended it my junior year and he started stalking me on campus and at my job. Jumped me on my way to class. I had gotten a restraining order against him and wasn’t allowed to attend class until they found him. He ended up going to jail for 3 years bc of it. I had severe trauma and PTSD. I had to drop out. I was in no mental place to be a college student, i kept trying to go back but just kept failing and avoiding class bc of my mental health problems...I finally gave it up and took the time I needed to heal. I would love to finish someday and hope I do, but shit happens during college sometimes and it’s ok.

[@MakaylaCole123]

Amber FFTFOMSICHTS while I really relate to your story! You'll get through it eventually try therapy or online schoo that's what I'm doing and it's working for me

[@user-if4df7lk1z]

Sometimes people are asked to leave college by the school. But they will allow you to come back. I am glad you got yourself together, went back and finished. While I was in dental school, I got sick and had to go on medical leave for six months. I went back and this certain asshole tried to expel me. I finished anyway. I learned to put my health first and m y life improved.

[@seaglass8084]

Girl, we twins! Fellow black womyn Ivy Leaguer with debilitating depression and anxiety since childhood!!! Still watching, so I’ll be back to expand comment. TY for sharing and helping others of us ascend from shame 💕

[@seaglass8084]

I kid you not my father also had a brain tumor! At younger age in my life though. Also hundreds of miles away. God.

[@louise-yo7kz]

So sad. However these stories allow us to see that Mental illness is more common than we think .

[@LumkaJwara]

I can relate to this. I was academically excluded from the best university in South Africa. This was such a blow as the first of my immediate family to go to university. I did go on to obtain the degree at a different university and the stress and pressure this second time around had lessened.

[@kierraa05]

I relate to SO much of this except for not having a death in the family, and I had friends in school but I felt very lonely. I spent three years at Spelman. My first year was great but something snapped after that and my depression and anxiety ramped up. I stopped attending classes, doing assignments, I switched majors SO many times much more than normal, and damn near lost my scholarship by my junior year. I wish the administration would’ve reached out to me more about my grades declining, but at this point my parents stepped in and told me I needed to leave Spelman. I moved back home and transferred to a much less prestigious state school. I felt and still kinda feel embarrassed. Telling my peers I wasn’t returning was so embarrassing and hard. I had to see everyone graduate and it sucked. But now I have so much more clarity in my studies and health. I was diagnosed with adhd, depression, and anxiety which explained a lot, started meds and therapy. I realized I want to study art history and go to grad school. It still sucks a lot lol, but I feel much less aimless. And I’m privileged to have a family that supports me financially during this time. Ohh and that school email anxiety!! It’s still hard for me to check emails. Thank you sharing your story.

[@shechelwilliams4509]

You are an excellent storyteller. Thank you, so inspiring.

[@jnyerere]

I appreciate you so much for telling your story. Back in January of 2016 my mother unexpectedly died 3 weeks before the start of my final semester in college. When I tell you that final semester was the most difficult task/undertaking of my life. Not only did I have to manage my studies, but I had to manage "adulting" for the very first time in my life AS WELL AS my mental health. It is only by the grace of God that I even made it out alive. Of course my hardships did not end after I graduated and I have had other challenges since then but I have overcome many of them as well. You have further inspired me by telling your story. And your closing statement of "The only thing you can't come back from is death." Don't I know it!!! Continue to do what you're doing. God bless!

[@louise-yo7kz]

Praise be!

[@sunnydaze80]

I had a similar breakdown in grad school. College is hard enough and to add a severe trauma such as yours is too much for anyone to deal with. I'm so glad you stuck it out and succeeded in the end! This was very uplifting.

[@tigress27559]

Thank you so much for posting this video! I went through severe depression and anxiety and still struggle with it. It's good to know I'm not alone.

[@2headed]

Ooo this was gut punch. I have both of my parents still (for now that I am older) but when you mentioned how professors would try accommodate and try to pull through for you. “Give me anything, just anything you have” I remember those same words being said in my second/third year by my instructors. I was never a self driven student. I got into a similarily established and esteemed university just on my grades which I just coasted on and my depression got the the worst of me in that age. My young adulthood was a wreck. My mother’s cancer diagnosis gave me in. My best friend had lost her mom recently to a different cancer and my mom also has depression and wanted to refuse treatment, an on going battle. It put me off finishing. Even though it would make my mom so happy and proud as she was denied this opportunity as a child. Part of that developing nation narrative you know...

[@caitlinhouse4919]

My heart goes out to you, my friend. I was also an anxious child. Thank you for sharing. Sending love your way!

[@t.e.burgos3263]

I hate that we are constantly, continuously socialized into believing that our inherent worth as human beings is inextricably linked to how "smart" and "successful" we are, and I hate that most people internalize the notion of "success" being defined as getting a degree (and not just any degree, but a degree on any of the 'respected,' 'prestigious' professions) and making a lot of money and getting a big place yada yada yada. We are also taught that anything but a 4-year college is "lesser" and that working class jobs or crafts are not "living up to your potential" or that people who work in working class jobs are "wasting their lives"... HATE IT. There are so many social narratives that we stick to without even questioning them, and many of those narratives put too much pressure on ourselves.

[@hellsgate3501]

I felt the “obsession with being the best” so much. For most of my schooling, I was constantly anxious because of it. Great video!

[@Nooooooooooooooooooooo7913]

I feel this on so many levels. Especially with being extremely disconnected from parents. I feel like a lack of communication, transparency and openness between black parents and children is far too common. I feel like my parents barely know the real me. My constantly deteriorating mental health, anxiety, depression is all unknown to them. I struggled a lot in college, and although my father is still with us today he was honestly dead to me for a while during my college years because of what he did to my mom 😅 (I still love him dearly but that’s the truth) and I’m barely (possibly not) graduating this spring and I feel like all of this lack of comfortability in communicating and expressing my feelings and experiences is exacerbating an already terrifying time. This is an extremely precarious time in my life and I just wish I had more parental support or could even fathom the idea of calling on them for help.

[@verda_renee]

I think this is my fav video of yours. So personal and honest. Can I just say I think it's amazing how so many black kids from lower middle or middle class families have such similar stories. Being the smart kid/ "chosen one", feeling alone because of it and the depression and anxiety that accompanied that, the pressure to achieve and almost being addicted to the praise of it, soooooooo relatable, like seriously. I realize this video is old; I've just started following some months back and still trecking through your content. I just needed to express how much I appreciated it. Love and light! 🖤🖤

[@brieoliver]

I am only 5 mins into this video and girl....you are narrating my life! Like you, I was always told from the time I was 4, how smart I was and how I'd be the one to make it. And on the one hand I appreciated it. It was the one thing I KNEW I could excel in was school. Its where I found my confidence. But that type of perfectionist attitude I am almost sure, drove a great deal of my depression/anxiety that I'm just now figuring out, I've had since I was in elementary school. Thank you for this vid. This story of black girl excellence almost never gets told.

[@Decadancehallking]

What a powerful and personal story. Thank you for sharing! As some one who was NOT a model student, its always mindblowing to think we share the same hopes, fears, and anxietys regardless of achievements

[@BeautifulJazzyJay]

I'm only 6 minutes in and we had very similar childhoods feelings wise. (Personally i had) Severe anxiety and depression from like age 5, amazing student all my life, countless awards and I hated myself. The entire time. Thank you for sharing your story.

[@matthewdavidmiller8280]

I REALLY like how Kim thinks AND feels through MULTILAYERED social and personal insights. ITS SO COMPLEX thank you! I can definitely relate! IM SO BLESSED YOU SPOKE ON THIS!

[@matthewdavidmiller8280]

My mom passed 5 years ago. We weren't close either. I totally feel you. I failed out of a master's program due to life change pressures too. Glad you found community at Harvard! Depression and anxiety and giftedness strikes home as well. I got a lot from your talk about anxiety. Thank you SO much

[@kaitlintaylor2835]

I needed this. My dad passed this year, and I needed to remember that I'm struggling "not because I'm not trying hard enough", but because there's just too much going on now.

[@Shauntrice1014]

This is a really good video. Thank you for your transparency. I lost my grandfather while in my sophomore year of undergrad, and I should have taken some time off... but I tried to keep pushing and my grades plummeted. That was a hard time, so I relate to this story. We try to ignore the pain, but eventually it will have to be addressed because it affects our lives tremendously. Thank you for sharing!

[@FoAdunni]

This was beautiful. I appreciate you even more as someone with a rich soul and amazing insight!

[@juliaorpheus9127]

Thank you for sharing your story, it was so helpful for me to watch this. For a chronic overachiever, it's kind of liberating to fall down. For me, it was an important way to separate my personal value from my achievements and discover who I was in the rubble. You are exactly where you are supposed to be and I am so grateful to have crossed your path.

[@MonroeBishop1970]

Girl I simply adore your videos. I sighed up for a Merriam Webster’s word a day to expand my vocabulary! Thank you

[@uniquewon07]

Wow! This describes my academic childhood. It’s amazing how a lot of us have shared experiences while feeling isolated at the same time.

[@tsuyayaka1]

I usually don’t care to watch storytime videos but yours was riveting. Thank you for sharing.

[@TimoteoDeBaum]

My mom told me the same thing in uni... said she was sick and that’s when my entire life changed. I miss her a lot, cancer sucks ❤️ I struggle with depression as well.

[@cambriaplusmodel]

My story parallels your so much it is scary! I actually hadn’t realized my feelings as a child were depression and anxiety until you pointed out your own so thank you for talking about it. I still do the avoidance thing on a ridiculous level and haven’t really talked through all the trauma I went through that caused me to have to have a break down & leave school. I truly am so grateful for you discussing this because I don’t know anyone who has experienced anything close to what I have and it’s nice to know I’m not alone. I’m glad you went back and finished. I haven’t been able to do that, but hearing your story gives me hope that I can one day get back on the horse. ❤️-Stay Blessed

[@Ivethski]

Currently dealing with depression right now, I also started college, had excellent grades and everyone knows me as the smart one, I left school for almost 3 years, and went back to school last semester, failed 2 classes and now that I’m in my spring semester I feel like I need to prove to myself that I can do this. I hate feeling like I failed my family...

[@Chels924]

Thank you for sharing this, you never know what people are going through even when they’re smart, talented, successful, etc.

[@kenyaw5752]

Thank you for this. This is a great parenting tool for me. I am raising 3 very nice, intelligent young people. Depression and anxiety are mental health issues that are not addressed in schools and some parents are embarrassed of. This is now a discussion starter for my children as they show signs of depression/anxiety and are of an appropriate age. I have one who will be assigned this video over the weekend.

[@sofialifson6537]

I'm only 13 but damn everything Kim is saying is scaring the living shit out of me in how similar it is. I already feel like I have a static breakdown every month in school from anxiety. Just nice to hear someone voice these real issues.

[@niks1life]

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. You’re not alone. ❤️ And stop all that cussing! 😁

[@DivineLoveSupportedMessages]

Thank you for your transparency, it's helped me with some needed introspection. I gained perspective, and now taking steps towards personal healing.

[@Fancichick765]

My family acted the EXACT same way when my father passed away unexpectedly. I was suppose to act like an adult at 18 and my family was acting like children and they were trying to start drama with me. I also didn't go to therapy more because it's expensive but I totally feel you especially when you said you lost focus but tried to avoid it.

[@GirlsLoveYourCurls]

Thank you for sharing your story. You have no idea how much it has helped me better understand the struggles of someone dear to me. Congratulations on graduating. You are doing amazing work. Keep risingxxx

[@neesey22]

Thank you so much for making and sharing this video. There are a lot of people, like me who have had similar experiences and it's reassuring to know that we are not alone.

[@GayHimbo]

This was so validating to hear. I know how hard that is, I’ve also been coasting by after trauma. I can’t say what exactly, but something about this video flipped a switch in me. It gave me hope and made me realize that I don’t want this stasis anymore either. I feel ready to move forward again. I’m so grateful Kim had the courage and candor to share this.

[@ceraydoss1387]

I am middle-aged. Your video just touched my life and my soul. You have no idea how much this has helped me. Unbelievable how similar your story is to mine. ...and how much I needed to hear this right now. ...so inspiring. ...so helpful. You are a gem. Thank you.

[@mbalizwane2783]

I just want to say thank you for this video. Everything you were feeling and going through at University after your father passed on is how I'm feeling right now. I thought that I was losing my mind or being too emotional but you've shown me that what I'm feeling is normal and I guess I have to figure out how to get through it.

[@Antoinette70]

Great video. Real honesty says a lot about you. I know how you feel. I have been through a lot, and I still go through a lot. I am dealing with multiple loss of family and a close friend. It has been difficult, but I take one day at a time. I still struggle with the relization of my family and friend loss. I also deal with a lot of stress with some changes in my life , because of the family death's. It is not easy. I too have goal's, and I am obsessed with acheiving a few thing's I am working on. I will not stop until I reach those goals. I really enjoy this commentary , because it is very similar to what I have recently dealt with. Crying about the death part in which I can most definitely relate to all of this. However, I continue to work towards my goal's. I plan on doing some big thing's at least for me that is. I worked retail before , it is bad standing on your feet long periods of time, the customer's that are negative, and making a little bit of money. LOL!!

[@talandamcclure8942]

Kim, I think you are the best human being. Keep "For Harriet" alive forever. You give us all hope!

[@saaaaltydaaalty310]

I'm glad I watched this. I too have been depressed since a very young age; I started self-injury at age 7 to cope and yet didn't get help of any sort until my 20s, so I definitely feel this. Glad you had such an self-informative journey

[@nehemie1255]

School is mentally taxing enough. My father passed away while I was in middle school and all of us kids changed. I couldn't imagine going through what I did then while in college. Unfortunately to this day my family holds me to the same expectations. I'm sure you know in poor families "the one" is also "the savior". The way they turned on me when I "failed"- finished grad school but not earning to my potential- doesn't help the anxiety, depression, guilt and self blame and isolation that this identify (high achiever) comes with. Although I'm a few months late, I so appreciate and understand this video.

[@mereanacherise4081]

I've never related to a video so much in my life thank you so much for sharing your story with us

[@lisamei4thinkingbeauty]

I love you more and more with each video I watch of yours. It is blowing my mind how much I can relate to your feelings and experiences growing up. Wow... Your authenticity and vulnerability is so heart warming and inspiring. It's assuring me that I'm getting closer and closer to being able to share my story one day. And not feel ashamed about it. I celebrate you Kim! 🙏💖 thank you for being boldly and authentically you!

[@LOSTnerd815]

Thank you for sharing your story. I too suffer from depression and anxiety and it's nice to be reminded I'm not alone.

[@shanpurble]

I was a workaholic back then too but my problem was not taking up the advice on the best learning style and failing to build relationships with friends. My focus was on praise approval as you as well. But I'm gradually learning to recover from it.

[@TheDawnofVanlife]

I relate to a lot of this (I lost my mother during an internship and left the internship and was homeless for the first time shortly after), but I was also a weirdo in school. I know mental health hits both the social and unsocial. I flunked out of school (college) once. I went back and got my degree at 33. In my late 30s I'm still struggling with having and maintaining friendships. Which is why I'm trying to find some mental health assistance. Even in college where I meant other nerdy kids and more importantly, other black nerdy kids I still had a hard time making and maintaining friendships. And I just can't maintain. This story is a love letter to the value of support and hopefully I'll find mine.

[@TheSunflowerGoddess]

Omg, I wondered why I was so drawn to your channel! I went through a very similar experience in college (I dropped out but haven't been back) and I've recently been diagnosed with Dysthymia/Persistent Depressive Disorder. I'm just now getting back on my feet and making strides to get my life back on track, but having this diagnosis really opened my eyes to seeing how it influenced my childhood and college years. Thank you for sharing your story 💕

[@junoxeon]

in rewatching this I can't help but notice the subtle ways in which adhd might have played a role too alongside the anxiety you talk about. I also just got my diagnosis from a history of anxiety so your story means a lot to me Kim 💖

[@DebrathePaleoista]

I just found your channel today and have been binge watching all day. Much love to you and your content. I would love to just have conversations with you about all of these issues. I hope that didn't sound creepy. I just live in the deep South surrounded by my racist family, and I don't get to have many rational conversations.

[@993sps]

I know this is kind of a late comment for this video, but I identified with this story so much. I had a really similar experience at my university and I’m just now graduating this semester, almost 7 years after the start of my college career. I also had an experience of failing 2 classes one semester (I literally turned nothing in) after previously maintaining a 3.9 GPA. I fell into really bad depression and anxiety (the culmination of years of burnout, stress, and unresolved family issues), but I tried to maintain a mental disconnect from my failure. I took a year and a half off and got a coffee shop job, but unfortunately I never found a great therapist. I’m feeling so much better though, and I feel even more aware of my privileges and in touch with what I want to do with my life. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You’re amazing, and so is everyone reading this.

[@carlgrimeseyepatch27]

I related to this a lot and am so thankful you shared with us. I’ve struggled with anxiety throughout my adolescence to now and it was one of the reasons I let go of my dreams of going to an Ivy League because that was something I realized I just could not handle ... looking back I am thankful I did not push myself in that direction and I really did enjoy my college career staying close to home with my family BUT anxiety has definitely shaped every area of my life. Thank you again for sharing this!

[@katstephens2102]

Thank you for sharing this part of your life and experience with us. It shows real humanity and the connectedness we all have. I see myself in so much of your story. I'm the smart one, the Ivy league daughter, so much pressure always. Almost not allowed to even be a human, so much expectations to pull through, be strong, for everyone else. This resonated with me so much. If I can't fall back on my smarts, & my humanity isn't recognized, then what else are we to do. How do we thrive? So many of us have these stories.

[@katstephens2102]

ToyosiFawehinmi easier said than applied. But I get it, Absolutely. Still for some groups, that ability to bank on our brilliance is sold as the way out. So we capitalize on the thing that we are given positive reinforcements for. Its often a trap, a well meaning trap

[@katstephens2102]

ToyosiFawehinmi agreed. And the crazy high emphasis on performance alone is creating a lot of headache for folks.

[@floives7703]

Your story about mental health reminds me so much of when my depression forced me to drop out of high school and then later, college. I'm going back now but it's really one step at a time. Thank you for sharing 💚

[@chrishardnett3430]

Thank you for honesty and genuine approach. Continue to grow and spread your wisdom for you have my support. Much respect love

[@naokoprincess]

Thanks you sooo much... I needed to hear someone else who went through sth similar.

[@slena]

you probably won't see this but i came from your college admissions rant video, and i'm in a very similar situation right now, i've been dealing with depression since i was maybe ten, and although i haven't lost a parent, i know what it's like to deal (or not deal) with a parent being sick, right now im enrolled in my dream school but i can feel myself losing my grip and i've basically stopped going to class, i've isolate myself from my friends who are like a second family to me your video has made me realise how lucky i am to have gotten everything i ever wanted, and how close i am to losing it all, i think i'm going to ask for help, thank you 💖

[@geeninallcaps4678]

Wow. I never realized how much we had in common. My story is like a non-Ivy version of yours. You inspire me to finish my degree. Really powerful

[@Flcl23456]

Loved this. Thank you so much for sharing!

[@Bub383]

Thank you for making this, as someone who dropped out of Oxford because of depression and PTSD so much of this resonates with me. Especially the self pressure of needing to be the smartest and best. Ive transfered (because unfortunately Oxford is suuuuper bad on mental health) and am really enjoying my studies at SOAS

[@jerry.cray..]

Thank you for sharing this story, I really needed this!

[@MysticStranger]

I loved this video. Watching it has allowed me to come to grips with some of my own mental health challenges even stemming back to my childhood, high school, and college days. And I must say, there is something about that junior year in college. LOL. It can be a doozy. Seems to be a common time for many when many things hit the fan and you really are forced to look at and face some things. I admire you for your perseverance and for your honesty. Thank you.

[@KsAsGs]

I so appreciate you and your candor and for being a black girl (like me) who feels, thinks, laughs, love and does things. I am still struggling and you have opened a window for me. Thank you

[@MiniM69]

My story to a tee, my dear! Being the “chosen one” and failing by society’s standards added to the depression and anxiety! It took me a long time to overcome that! Thank you for sharing.

[@vuyombukushe2898]

Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I really needed it.

[@CursedRunaway]

I loved this. Please give us a video about the good times at Harvard.

[@walklikearobot]

this is fascinating to me. it's interesting to see where my childhood experiences were similar to yours, and how that affected me in later life. I find it encouraging that you got it together and are doing well now. I can be discouraged by the fact that I did (barely) graduate school and then had my several years of just being at home, heavily depressed, and not doing anything for several years after finishing (I really wish I had taken a break from school and then gone back when I was able to care), and it's only recently that I've been able to go to therapy, which I too am finding to be really eye-opening, and that even though I have a degree from a good school I can't get a job anywhere... but I'm choosing not to be. I'm choosing to be encouraged by your experience, and to remember that you had to put in the work to make things good, and that if you can do it maybe I can too ♥

[@Arlinya]

😦 omg thank you I needed to hear this story !!!

[@baby_ghoul]

Your story is so relatable. For much of my childhood I was always told I was smart too. That's where I put my self worth, and so I pushed myself until I hit a wall in high school. I just cracked. I remember how stunned I was that I cracked, and it took a few years for me to pull myself back together and apply for college. I got in, but I feel like I'm in the same cycle of pushing myself to always get the best grades because I got a later start than my peers. I'm 27, and I still can't shake that feeling, but it has gotten a bit better and thankfully I'm graduating in the spring. I wish more people would share this experience like you did because it can be an incredibly lonely feeling, so thank you. ❤️