I'm CONVINCED My Boyfriend Thinks He Will Never Work Again In His Life r/Relationships

[@tracicolvis7382]

He didn't want to "honor" his ex, he wanted to be able to say, "I love Tiffany" out loud with no one realizing it had a double meaning for him. And him refusing to leave (when he has somewhere to go) to give her the space she needs is just awful. What an ass.

[@catcat63527]

I'd puke if my father named me after his affair partner.

[@Sirens.Lullaby]

And making op sleep in a twin bed when about to pop is a super dick move Husband has no conscious apparently

[@CircusoftheMoon]

@@catcat63527 I’d change my name immediately. lol

[@ZomBeeQueeen]

Ewww that’s so true and gross

[@rebeccagarrett7111]

I love Tiffany. Wow I never would have thought of that.

[@WolframKKM]

Story 2: He's not letting her sleep in her own damn bed after he's the one that fucked up, and with her so close to her due date? How many ways can he say 'I don't care about you' before she stands up for herself?

[@JasperIllusian]

yeah that pissed me off. its not going back to normal esp if you try to force it by giving your wife no space when shes begging for it??? bro

[@madambutterfly1997]

That is DISGUSTING. First of all if I'm married with a kid on the way, All Hell with have to freeze over before I contact any of my exes.

[@angietyndall7337]

Imo Exes are Exes for a reason!

[@nadirimyers6643]

No literally. I can’t even think of not one ex I’d want to hit up and most of them ended cool

[@AndyyWithAY]

OP you definitely need a divorce. After all the other stunts this man has pulled he refuses to leave the bedroom. If she wants to be comfortable in her own home she has to sleep beside him. I'd never forgive that. That's the mother of his child who's going to give birth any day. At that stage finding a comfortable position to sleep is nearly impossible. Put him out and send him to Tiffany

[@MaryTheresa1986]

Exactly! OP should've called the cops and had him removed from the home. He's acting weird and unhinged and nor safe to be around.

[@annhans3535]

Tiffany didn't want him that's why he is still with the wife. Bastard.

[@MusketeerGweneth]

@@MaryTheresa1986 I'm not sure the Cops can do anything about the situation as he has not actually broken any laws, I think; yet. He's just a lousy excuse for a man; if all generally crappy people were thrown in prison, there would be no more space for the actual criminals. Sadly, while Cops are the Police, they are not the Dating Police and we cannot just call them every time someone hurts our feelings. If OP calls the Cops over this, she would get shiny new bracelets and a hefty fine for wasting their time.

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

He's probably the kind of man to secretly put the name Tiffany on the birth certificate behing her back after she just gave birth just because "that's the name we first agreed to."

[@politereminder6284]

He's not even sorry 🙄

[@Tammohawk1]

1. OP is only 19 and far too young to burden herself with that guy. 2. Even if he didn't cheat physically, he cheated emotionally. I'd be devastated.

[@owl7072]

Story 2: "It's not a big deal" then why did you lie about it 🤔

[@briansmaller7443]

"If you leave I will end myself" "Your choice" This is the worst sort of attempted manipulation. I have zero tolerance for it.

[@DrownedInExile]

"And this is my problem because...?"

[@Original_Tenshi_Chan]

"Cool cool. Remember to avoid serrated knives, they don't cut skin well. Also - Horizontal for show and vertical for results. Take care now!"

[@AutumnFire1414]

A former boyfriend tried to pull this when I was much younger, and I had the phone number for the Suicide Prevention Hotline written on a piece of paper that I gave him. "Call them. Bye!" Then he called me days later trying to get me jealous by saying how the girl who answered the call talked to him for hours and they had soooo much in common. I told him I was so glad he found someone who could help him and shared his interests. That took the wind out of his sails.

[@anonymouslee2083]

That one’s an immediate call 911 or 999 or your country’s version of those and report the threats and get police to do a well check. If he needs help, police will get him help. Fair play to OP for that

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

It’s wild that the husband in story 2 thought OP couldn’t change the name so close to the due date. Like sir, you can change your mind on the name after you meet the baby. As if the kid won’t want to change her name after she finds out it’s why her parents got a divorce. Or even that she was named after the one that got away.

[@roserocks1979]

Last story I'd divorce him,and contact Tiffiany's new husband to let him know about their cheating. Cause it was/is a emotional affair.

[@hothotheat3000]

The self harm threat was an act of emotional manipulation, a last ditch attempt to get you to stay. Most people who threaten self harm during a break up don’t even mean it. They’re trying to control you. OP, never ever meet with this person alone again. Never speak to him again. The breakup is best for you both. You can find an adult and he can stop relying on you to do everything.

[@jennilynne1977]

When I left my ex, he would call me or text me threatening self harm or ending himself. It irritated me when he did it to me, but it pissed me off when he would do it to my daughter to get her to tell me because then she would call me crying about it.

[@DrownedInExile]

All good points, but OP made another big mistake in meeting at his house to break up. Besides being an absolute pig-sty (bedbugs, ugh!), he could have turned violent. Glad that didn't happen, but she really needs to develop better taste in men.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

Yep. You can tell when people are lying! People who are really planning to end themselves don't tell anyone because they don't want to be stopped. People like the BF who say they will end themselves IF you don't do ___ are lying and using self harm to manipulate you. Just call 911 and cut them out permanently. You aren't equipped to deal with someone who is actually going to self end they need professional help and if they do self end (which they won't) it's not your fault or responsibility anyway.

[@technicaldifficulties368]

Even if they mean it, that doesn't make it your personal responsibility. Call people they're close to(friends/family) and call local emergency services for a wellness check. This isn't okay or healthy for anyone.

[@tashahantz4643]

My ex did that to me. Many times. One time I came home ( I was 18 in high-school and had a job while he was 22 felon with no job, so he was always home) He said he was in the act of hurting himself because of me, walked in an he was talking to another female! Idk why I stayed with him another year or so, even caught him talking to her several times. 🙄

[@bookgirl2]

The first thing OP should do is call her two best friends, his parents and hers and tell them the entire story. She is going to need support. The husband is trying to strong-arm her into sweeping it all under the rug. Not only did he betray his wife, but he is refusing to take any responsibility. Also, his selfishness extends to forcing his weeks to the due date pregnant wife (and by extension his daughter) to sleep in uncomfortable conditions because he wants to force her to ignore his infidelity. This is all she needs to know. She needs her friends and fam to come get her out of there and start drawing up a co-parenting plan.

[@LaineyBug2020]

Story 2- My sister's husband wanted to do the same thing. Luckily, it was moot because they had 2 boys. She named the dog after his ex in retaliation. She got no small measure of satisfaction every time they had to yell at the dog. Especially when the boys did it! I suggest looking at the phone bill. My sister found a couple short calls between a number that turned out to be the ex when she looked it up. Can't remember the reason he gave and she accepted, but there you go. May want to look into forensic digital private investigators. And tell the staff at the hospital to keep his dumb@$$ away from the birth certificate until you can fil it out yourself.

[@MusketeerGweneth]

I was just thinking about how she would have to rest after the birth and he could just sign Tiffany on the Birth Certificate while OP is sleeping. I've got no kids but would the nurses actually keep the father away if she asked them to? I have heard one story about how a woman was going through a separation near her due date and she actually crossed state lines to gave birth discretely with none of her toxic family there to create drama. 🤔

[@Nevertoleave]

@@MusketeerGweneth if she told the hospital not to tell anyone she was there they wouldn’t say a word. They do not allow anyone that isn’t approved in the ward and the support person has to be tagged in some places. Where I live my husband’s hospital band listed him as being connected to me, just like the baby. He wasn’t a patient like I was but without the band he never would have been let back into the ward had he left. This doesn’t necessarily stop people from trying. Some folks might try to push their way in or give a sob story to get a nurse to let them in real quick. An old hospital might not have the same security features mine did either where you couldn’t get into the ward without someone buzzing you into the area.

[@animatorstanley]

That poor dog.

[@kmechwarrior1684]

@@Nevertoleave When my daughter was born in 2009. The elevator doors to the Maternity Ward wouldn't even open without a nurse buzzing you in, and there were strict guidelines the mother/parents can set for who is allowed in to see the baby and if you aren't on the list, the elevator doors will not even open to let you in to the area.... Plus, momma, poppa, and baby get tagged with bracelets IDing them....

[@dragonflyerikson2387]

A friend of mine was married to a man who threatened self deletion every time she brought up problems in their marriage or mentioned divorce. She backed down for years. The last time he said that she simply told him that was his decision and left. He's remarried now.

[@EveryDayALittleDeath]

Story 2: I've always had _very_ strong opinions on names, and the importance of names in general. I'd be so, so angry if my partner pulled something like this.

[@madambutterfly1997]

Him threatening self-harm is only going to make me go out the door faster

[@sarasmr4278]

Yup you are responsible for your own behavior and that is horrific manipulation. *OP handled it perfectly. Well done. Now she needs some therapy for herself so she can find a positive relationship.

[@louellacharlton4425]

Had a guy I saw one time call me in the middle of the night and tell me he would shoot himself if I stopped seeing him. Well, I'm very petty and asked him if he wanted my gun! Made him laugh, he's fine.

[@robertbishop5158]

Hmm sounds like something a female would say makes me question the story Because a man wouldn't say anything He would just do it. Every time I hear a Man threatens to hurt himself I completely believe the story is fake a Man wouldn't be threatening he would just do it.

[@JJ-my9lf]

@@robertbishop5158 No offence robert. you are chatting bare shit 😭 stop running with these lies. my best friends ex used to call her infront of me (on speakerphone) and threaten to cût himself and OD on multiple occasions if she tried to break up with him 💀💀. It’s a manipulation tactic used by manipulative people. men and women.

[@DrownedInExile]

@@louellacharlton4425 I assume you broke up with him?

[@McBruce999]

Story 2: I am a married man, if I were in OP's shoes I would have immediately filed for the divorce, because this is going to haunt me for the rest of my life. But I also understand OP's situation. Many might say just forgive and forget, well if that was so easy do you think we would be here on KZbin watching Reddit stories. I really feel for OP, her husband was having an emotional affair with his ex GF. I seriously think OP should go for the divorce after giving birth to the baby.

[@GMAMEC]

Agreed. I believe that marital issues have to be addressed in a delicate manner. If this was my friend or sister, I would not try to judge her actions harshly. It’s important that the person makes a sound decision on their own. She’s not ready yet. As an outside observer, I would not push divorce, especially when she is expecting so soon. People need to feel comfortable when they need support or a shoulder to lean on.

[@alexandermccalla5098]

I feel like they were laughing at OP behind her back thinking “she’ll never know. It’s our little secret.”

[@politereminder6284]

So foolish! Of course she was bound to find out since she knows his family

[@LivBee.]

Yeesh, story two was a rollercoaster but let's be honest: if Tiffany hadn't gotten married and pursued OP's husband more aggressively, he would've left her in a heartbeat. Him naming their daughter after her was 100% supposed to be a romantic gesture for Tiffany for sure. I hate telling people to leave their partners, especially with kiddos involved but I think as long as OP stays with her husband, the behavior will never end. Not only has he been secretly messaging her for months, he was lying to OP about something as simple as a NAME because his obsession has gone so far. He was also attempting to gaslight her and had this whole plan set up. That was apparent with the "well you're giving birth in 5 weeks, too late to change your mind!!" which was his backup. I can't help but think how much of a bullet she dodged by learning the history of the name, it's likely that if she named the daughter Tiffany, her husband would liken everything his daughter does to Tiffany. Kind of like how people do that when a baby is born and named after someone deceased-- "she's so smart just like Tiffany!", "carrots are Tiffany's favorite food too!" etc.. She wouldn't be her own individual and instead just a weird projection of "the one that got away" from her dad... That would be so uncomfortable to learn later on too. Dude needs a therapist for sure.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

Yeah I completely agree! Unfortunately OP forgave him I'm sure of it because she never posted again and it's been YEARS. Usually when people don't update it's because they've decided to forgive the person and don't want to admit that to reddit. They don't want everyone telling them what a huge mistake it is. Very sad. OP the mother of his child, is very obviously his second choice. Tiffany is and will ALWAYS be the one who got away. Tiffany is just using him because she likes the attention and won't ever leave her husband. And OPs husband is just settling for OP and is hoping Tiffany will dump her husband eventually. He has an idealized version of Tiffany in his head. A lot of times when people miss their ex they really miss being young and carefree not the ex themselves. Also studies show again that the further you get from a breakup the more you look back on the relationship with rose colored glasses. So if he actually got with Tiffany he would regret it like that one story that was on reddit where the husband left his wife for "the one who got away" and then immediately regretted it and begged his ex wife to take him back. Some people will ALWAYS only want whoever they aren't with. I hope I'm wrong and OP moved on and is happy away from him but I doubt it

[@amandab8433]

Sadly this is a three year old story, and she's never updated. I hope that all is well with her, and her little girl.

[@jasoncarter4343]

It reminds me of the story where the husband learns that his wife named their 5 year old boy after a boyfriend she dated for 2 years. The wife admitted she still loved the ex-BF and basically told her husband to just get over it. Not surprisingly, he divorced her. And her family knew the entire time but never said a word!

[@lisachristoph437]

I've always felt the name Tiffany is really more suited for a stripper stage name.

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

@@WhitneyDahlin 100% this

[@JayeEllis]

Story 1: You can't eat love. Unless you're willing to gain a dependent, LEAVE HIM! This isn't love; it's codependence.

[@madambutterfly1997]

Just because you're 5 weeks away from giving birth does not mean you can't change your mind retroactively about the name of the baby.

[@deborahpinkey1264]

Baby hasn't even been named yet as she is yet to be born!

[@crowdemon_archives]

5 weeks is a long time

[@juliamiller2299]

Story 1 and Story 2: In both cases, the relationship is over. In the first story, the OP can do much better; she is only 19! Don't worry about a relationship for years! In the second story, OP's trust in her husband is gone. I would tell her to go back to her parent's place and call a lawyer. I think her husband was trickle-truthing her, and he wasn't being honest. I bet they went out on dates too.

[@jeaniebee3657]

I’m glad she didn’t fall for the self harm threat. She is a very strong woman for her age

[@DrownedInExile]

I wish she were smarter though. Breaking up at his house was a huge risk, he could have turned violent. Glad that didn't happen.

[@marshawargo7238]

She hasn't even Yet thought of the fact that if he does get a job & Keeps it, he will Not Help With Housework or child care! "Yah hun, I'll just be a stay at home husband" as he scratches his pp while drinking a beer & belching, then returns to his GTA on line competition‼️ 1 year later 😭⬅️OP

[@Davtwan]

Still has a ways to go, but she’s only 19. Now she knows that budding relationships is not about fixing people. You’re finding a lover, not a house to fix up.

[@MrNemitri]

Looks like a case of Borderline personality disorder.

[@jeaniebee3657]

@@MrNemitri are you a psychologist?

[@alexandermccalla5098]

“She was a nice person so I wanted to name our daughter after her but I thought you wouldn’t agree so I lied about it.” What’s the point of a namesake of you have to lie about its origin? There’s no value in that.

[@keepdancingmaria]

For me, what is worst about this isn't the texting and being nostalgic for a happy, simpler time RIGHT before a major life change (I think that was the case for Tiffany texting before her marriage, too). That it was done in secret is horrible, but not the worst. The worst is him camping out in the master bedroom, demanding that his pregnant, wronged wife either sleep with him or be inconvenienced and uncomfortable in the guest room. That tips him into the "dangerous" category. I didn't find any excuse for that other than bullying. This will grow into fullblown abuse...

[@LadyMarigoldWithers]

He already resents her for not being ‘Tiffany’ and that’s who he’ll try and mould his daughter into and he’ll become weirdly obsessed with her. What a tool. And a mean one at that, imagine putting your own ego before the comfort of your heavily pregnant wife, not to mention how dangerous that kind of stress might be to her and the baby.

[@LadyMarigoldWithers]

He already resents her for not being ‘Tiffany’ and that’s who he’ll try and mould his daughter into and he’ll become weirdly obsessed with her. What a tool. And a mean one at that, imagine putting your own ego before the comfort of your heavily pregnant wife, not to mention how dangerous that kind of stress might be to her and the baby.

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

I've had a partner threaten to kill himself if I left him. I left after freaking out a bit because I realized it's not my fault what he does to himself after he abused me for months. Talked to someone who knew him months after the breakup and he didn't even make an attempt, he ADMITTED to that person that he wasn't telling the truth even!

[@artemishallihan8973]

Story 2 - whatever excuse the husband gives is bs. Trying to name his daughter after his ex was a way to 'have' her in his life without going through the mess of leaving his wife or going through the trouble of an affair. Husband knew his wife wouldn't like it, and manipulated his way into getting it rather than being an adult and moving on.

[@lalvarez5151]

Baby name story -NTA. This story reminds me of the dad naming his kids after versions of Robin's (from Batman), and lying saying he wanted to name the last girl after his great aunt, but the sister told op they didn't have a great aunt called that lol The husband can suggest names?... But to lie where he heard it from is an AH move.

[@tomorrow4eva]

As a Batman fan,I thought naming the kids after Robins was brilliant, but obviously only if both parents are on board.

[@katherinekurzius290]

"..he treats me so well..." NOT! He can't be bothered to tidy up a bit before you come over - I'd do that for anybody!

[@dwilcox7706]

You can love someone and know that you're not compatible. You have to love yourself more so that you don't allow yourself be used and mistreated.

[@LaineyBug2020]

Brava, OP! Anytime anyone tries to manipulate you by threatening self harm, always, ALWAYS, call the police. 72 hour holds will help if they need it, discourage them from doing so in the future if they don't, and give you ammo for building a case against them.

[@AndyyWithAY]

I wonder if he's actually still in touch with Tiffany and having an affair. Millions of names in the world and he chooses that one? Hella suss

[@jackchop1576]

Yeah. And he keeps changing his story over and over and conveniently had no incriminating texts from his end... she'll be back when Tiffany gets pregnant by him and rolls in demanding child support.

[@carolroberts4614]

My ex cheated during my second pregnancy. Things did not end well. This man has no moral compass, and Op would have a terrible life with him. I wish there was another update!

[@LoveableNiki]

Story 2: Worried about OP. I hope OP and baby are safe.

[@YellaBellaReno]

Story 1: love isn’t always enough, and love won’t change anyone who doesn’t believe they can change for themselves.

[@littleolmee]

S1: I get OP was pulled in by someone treating her nice after having had horrible relationships, but girl needs to raise the bar. They should at least work full-time if not in school & be clean. That self-harm crap is just manipulation good on her for leaving & calling for a wellness check. S2: That husband is an ass for lying about the name. It's two agreeing to keep a name if one doesn't like it, the name is off-limits.

[@KE-hr4sb]

S2: I'd leave. It's hard (I left my ex right before I found out I was pregnant, and it made our divorce even more "fun"), but the trust is broken. He lied, had an emotional affair, and wanted a piece of Tiffany so he could, what? Pretend she was your daughter's mother? Pretend you are her while having sex? Would he have stayed with you if Tiffany hadn't gotten married? I'd never be able to trust him again.

[@taylesia1]

Fun fact: I'm actually named after my dad's ex-girlfriend. The only difference is that my dad was 100% upfront and honest with my mom about it from the start and they were able to talk it over and came to a decision together.

[@Tijggie82]

Hey, sometimes a good name is a good name.

[@LawNerdsUnited]

I’m named after my father’s old girlfriend. I’m the 4th girl, so my mother didn’t care at that point. So, I’m stuck with a weird name that nobody can pronounce or spell while all 5 of my sisters have normal names.

[@akl2k7]

I can only see this work in this situation: Mother: I like such-and-such name. Father: Oh, uh, I do too but that's the name of one of my ex-girlfriends. Mother: I don't mind. When was the last time you saw her? Father: I broke up with her a decade ago and haven't talked since. She didn't cheat or anything, we just drifted apart and she moved away. Mother: So, is the name okay? Father: I'm okay with it if you're okay with it.

[@glitchyglitchy3925]

Story 1: She wasn't his girlfriend, she was his new mommy. Story 2: I remember reading this one before, but never saw the update where he was flirting with the ex behind OP's back. There's no salvaging this unless OP thinks she has it in her to play happy family while her husband and his ex inevitably move into full on cheating on their spouses. Get a family lawyer and start the divorce process and custody agreement.

[@TheArnaa]

Story 2; Husband: It’s not a big deal. Yeah, that’s why you lied about it.

[@stephkais5613]

Story 1: omg op get yourself into therapy! Why on earth would you look at a filthy unemployed lazy man-child and think to yourself 'yes, that's bf material'? Oh and he threatens self deletion - abusive. Op says she had bad relationships before this guy. I hope she stays out of relationships until she knows what a healthy relationship is supposed to be.

[@DrownedInExile]

I agree, she's got awful taste in men. It could be her undoing one day.

[@itsalwayshalloweenexceptwh5118]

@DrownedInExile she's still young and dumb, hopefully she learns fast

[@joeschmo622]

The Opie should name her gril "Katniss".

[@lindah3803]

Going with Hunger Games.

[@judev3197]

1st story: OP, sweetheart, listen. When you were talking about the bed bugs it reminded me of a saying I heard that goes… if you swim in a sewer, you’re going to smell like poop. You would have ended up lowering your standards if you didn’t get away from him. He has to sort himself out, you can’t do it for him. I’m glad you ended it, must have been hard but it’s honestly for the best. Good luck OP, you’ve got a bright future ahead.

[@TheIronwil]

Story 2: All these stories about naming babies after exes just floors me. So much disrespect.

[@kp2223]

Tell the husband if he needs to honor Tiffany so much he should go worship at her feet. Instead of making your daughter the sacrificial lamb for his worship.

[@trinitylane2202]

OP should ask her husband how he would feel if they were having a boy and she wanted to name him after an old boyfriend. Especially if she had been talking to her ex behind his back.

[@sherrygibbs7547]

Pregnant OP never mentioned anything about if she has any family in the area. Since her SO is being so selfish and wont let his extremely pregnant wife sleep in her own comfortable, supportive bed (by herself), for a few days (ie he is pushing himself on her), OP should consider going to a friend or family members place, for a few days. Or, possibly a hotel. Hopefully OP was able to find a quiet, unstressful place to go to, to think and wait out her delivery date....for her and her babies sake.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

OP was right to leave him and end the relationship, especially after the self-harm threats. That screams manipulation. And it sucks that OP had bad relationship after bad relationship. She deserves better. I do think she should take a break from dating for a while though. I don't think it's healthy to be in a toxic relationship time and time again. Therapy can help too. I really hope OP can find happiness one day! 💖

[@ajzephyros7454]

I had to stop listening at 2:01 as I got violently ill by the descriptions, I'm sorry I couldn't go on

[@susankaempfer8427]

Don’t forget to call Tiffany’s new hubby and fill him in on how little compunction she had about calling up her married ex and wrecking his marriage just for funsies.

[@myroc1]

Tricking someone into naming their daughter after an affair partner is a well thought out evil plan, not a forgivable mistake.

[@emilybarclay8831]

It’s also creepy as shit. Who wants to call their kid’s name when they’re fucking their side piece?

[@AlexRising_]

I’d find myself a felon if my partner tried to manipulate me into naming my child after his ex.

[@catT5236]

S2: I'd leave if were OP, but if she's not ready to do that marriage counselling is a must & she should bring up that her husband refuses to respect her need for space.

[@MrGavintron]

S1 bf is what's known as a scrub. OP needs to consult TLC on what to do with said scrub

[@AndyyWithAY]

The ex had so many chances, but he only wants to shape up when she says she wants to break up. Then he threatens self harm. Miss me with all this.

[@jackchop1576]

weren't you on one of these channels giving a woman with BPD a free pass for the same exact behavior?

[@EM3SonSon]

@@jackchop1576 lol, really?

[@lynnw7155]

But "he has all the qualities of an amazing boyfriend"...lazy, dirty, unemployed, so many tattoos he can't get a job (not that he wants one)...yup, that's what I look for in a boyfriend.🤣

[@caelum8160]

Story 1: My Friend's mom was in a similar situation, her husband was just like OP's boyfriend and after years of being trapped in an awful marriage she finally left, and unfortunately, all of those burdens were put on her daughter (My Friend) and she's currently trapped in that mess and is miserable. Not only that, my friend's Mom is forced to interact with her Ex because of split custody with the younger kids and it turned her into a bitter and abusive person. OP is lucky she wasn't super invested in that relationship with marriage + kids because that could have been her future if she didn't get the wake up call she needed. He sounds like a broken man and I empathize with his path but he needs to get his shit together. The world won't stop moving for you, even when your at lowest, and ultimately at that point the only person who can help you is yourself. OP sounds like a wonderful and caring person but I'm glad that didn't stop her from putting herself first. Story 2: I always find it weird when people name their kids after thier romantic partners. I can maybe understand if it's a loved one or S.O who has passed away, but a living person?? Much less a potential mistress/Ex, that is insane.

[@keepdancingmaria]

LOL at the "You can't change your mind 5 weeks before the birth."

[@sapphiremedia7777]

Story 1 is pretty simular to an experience I had a few years back. Good om OP for finally realising and moving forward.

[@katherinekurzius290]

Since husband says daughter's name is no big deal, why is he still arguing over it?

[@samoanjoseph1457]

Story 1: When I hear someone with facial tattoos has a hard time getting a job, some things spring to mind. 1) They weren't thinking about their financial future when they got the tattoo. Or they were and planned to leech off someone else for their entire lives. 2) They apparently don't want to become a tattoo artist, bouncer, boxer, pro wrestler, or UFC fighter. 3) They don't have the personality skills to overcome their appearance (which admittedly would have to be considerable). Ultimately, the point is they created their own obstacle. On their face. Which is only one of the things that shows poor decision making. If he truly worships OP, then he should be willing to do anything to keep her. Including find a job that doesn't mind face tats. Or even better, create his own business. Maybe he can turn his house into an escape room. Who wouldn't run from that?

[@axepagode33626]

Tiffany is a common name. He should have just said that he likes the name. His mistake was telling you that he likes it because his ex was a nice person. I find this part unbelievable though. The dumbest man in would not have said something so incredibly stoooopid. He lied to you which means he realized that he couldn't tell you the truth.

[@ChefDuJour78]

I have no tolerance for emotional manipulation. Threatening to harm yourself to get your way is vile. Walk away from anyone who pulls that bs.

[@kiera2867]

Oh this is the “I’m so grateful to be single” episode

[@Jennifer_helen]

This is eerily similar to my ex… I live in the UK and he was 19 I was 17 when we got together and he held down one job for a small amount of time, he was manipulative and an absolute nightmare, I hope OP is ok Edit: I was working and he was mooching off me when I got paid, I had to return something I bought with my first pay check because he was upset that I’d bought myself something and not him

[@brittkeller4979]

S1 as much as OP cares about this guy, OP cannot save him from himself. She needs to cut her losses and move on. Otherwise, she will end up breaking her own heart and losing sight of her own future. OP needs to take care of themselves first.

[@DrownedInExile]

You are giving this clown far too much credit. He doesn't want to be saved. He's got a perfectly sweet deal mooching off OP. He only put on the waterworks because he was about to lose his meal ticket.

[@brittkeller4979]

@@DrownedInExile I was actually talking about Op initially wanting to save him from himself, not him wanting to be saved. She's the one who was going to drag herself down to his level if she tried. Good thing she has a decent head on her shoulders and cut him loose.

[@MHBW81]

I would never have let someone name my child after an ex. I was first going to name my daughter Emmy or Emma but it didn’t suit her at all so i went a different route. Some some reason an old friend from elementary school came in my mind and i loved her name. I haven’t seen that person in over 30 years but the name stuck for some reason.

[@opal5138]

Glad that OP had the strength to leave!

[@ashmurahysrahel6053]

She absolutely needs to leave him. He cannot be trusted.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 2 this type of manipulation is not at all cool. Why on earth do you want to name your precious baby girl after your ex?? This would have me reconsidering this marriage, especially his reaction. The nerve of him to pull this and LIE then call me childish and say I can't change it 5 weeks before the birth. Ha

[@Objective-Observer]

The Baby Name and Emotional Affair- This man is a narcissist; as soon as she put her foot down, he denigrated her feelings as over emotional, over reacting. He will NOT get better; he will only get worse. Hubby and Ex were flirting for three months! While she was pregnant, but he wants her to see that as nothing. This is the Red Flag to end all others. This marriage is over, but OP won't want to see that until she cannot ignore it. He will love bomb her for a few weeks after the baby is born, but then the slow descend into emotional abandonment and then dismissive abuse will start. I would advise her to get an Exit Strategy in Place NOW. Talk to a divorce lawyer, and an accountant, get prices for a moving truck, and storage facilities in your parent's town. Hide her own important papers and the daughter's important papers in a bank deposit box in her name only. Get the Exit Strategy Planned, so you can initiate it at a moment's notice.

[@maurer3d]

Story 1 (before update): I can't type this with more emphasis.... RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes he had a hard upbringing but that does not make how he is living his life right. If you stay with him it will inevitably destroy you. I don't get how guys like this convince great women to fall in love with them. Story 1 (update): Good that you dropped the loser, just try and make sure your next relationship is with someone who you deserve and deserves you in return. Story 2 (before update): NTA (under literally any case). The fact that he lied just makes it a thousand times worst. As a general rule you never name your child after and ex SO, of either the mother or the father. She as you asked for names, may I recommend Talia (AKA The Daughter of the demon from the Batman Comics), not only is it a beautiful name but it is also a reminder to your husband not to be a toolbag (I always recommend this name when the father is an idiot about naming a daughter). Story 2 (update): So husband had a several week emotional affair with his ex, this does make it worst. At this point it is up to you, if you want to try and save your marriage he has to agree to go to couples counseling, otherwise the resentment you feel will continue to build and stew, until the inevitable divorce.

[@PoetDarkling]

Last story: that all would be enough for divorce for me. Done.

[@brandi5126]

S2: Glad she found out before they named baby.

[@christina1764]

I would kick him out, he broke the trust so he's leaving ‼️

[@autodogdact3313]

Good she left so her new place won't have bedbugs.

[@angietyndall7337]

Story 2: Naming after an ex is bad news-period!!

[@hilaryc3203]

If OP has just entered the police, no doubt she's savvy about social services and their resources. She should have put the bug in their ear about the state of the home and that his grandmother is living there. It sounds like both have significant mental health issues and need help from the resources in their community. Hopefully the wellness home check she started will lead to that, but she only talked about his self harm, not the other issues.

[@SaphireSalvatore940]

Story 2: yeah I found out recently I was named after an ex of my dad's, I don't think my mum knows ( they've been divorced since I was a baby ) I called him out on it and he denied it but definitely had startled deer look so who knows but this came out after my nan had a few G&T's and as she's his mum I can't see her saying that as a lie

[@nikoking825]

Threats of self-harm when someone is leaving is abuse. It's that simple.

[@starbird3939]

Story 2 update Husband IS cheating on OP-emotionally. OP needs his SIL (the MVP that warned OP) and her family on her side for the birth. Don’t let him in the delivery room and make it c’ear to the hospital staff that he is not to be trusted with any documents.

[@kathleenmcfarlane2555]

Second story: OP needs to leave him now. She needs to call his parents and get them to come get him for the safety of the baby.

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #2: My Dad cheated on my Mom a lot. He also convinced her to give me the name I ended up with. She thought it was pretty. She did not find out until I was past thirty and she'd divorced the SOB (my grandfather accidentally spilled the beans to both of us at the same time) that I was named after a former girlfriend. I thought it was funny. She was soooooo not amused. It's up to you, OP, but I don't think this marriage is going to get any better for you if DH is contacting old flames and then wanting you to name your kids after them.

[@saldiven2009]

OP in story 1 did exactly what you should do when someone threatens to engage in self-harm: call the authorities to deal with it. In these cases, most of the time it's just a manipulative tactic to try to control someone's behavior. But, if it is a serious threat, then professionals that know how to handle such situations need to be alerted. Like, in this case, OP isn't a trained mental health professional that is capable of helping someone navigate through a crisis situation. Almost nothing she could do would provide any meaningful assistance to someone in that kind of situation.

[@vampirenocturne]

My personal opinion with these relationship ones is that it’s not differences in opinions that kill the romance, it’s investing in someone and getting no return or finding out that there is actually no return when they thought they were getting something. And absolutely no one should have to waste their time with someone who is not willing to give back to them what they have put in.

[@LadyMarigoldWithers]

Definitely, reciprocity is where it’s at!

[@opal5138]

Whooooaaaaa just got to the end of story 2 was not expecting it to go in that direction

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

I was in the same situation as OP in the first story when I was 19. I still feel guilty for leaving him in his vulnerable state. But for me it was the best decision to leave.

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

18:22 and this only makes him more TA. The least he could do is not be a jerk regarding the bedroom. You can’t force things back together like that.

[@Russman67]

So the husband not only has been talking to his ex but admitted that he loves his ex as well as OP. And he's expecting things to go back to normal even though he dropped this bomb 5 weeks before she gives birth. 🤦‍♂️ How in the holy hell is this supposed to even work? Is dude trying to put together a sister wives kind of arrangement? I swear some people just need to be slapped with a fish!

[@speiga]

Hope she dont lose the baby. Cause that stress read like it's about to force an early birth.

[@evarodriguez4319]

Story 2, leave him. You'll always be 2nd choice.

[@BeautifulBeastie]

Story 1....he has and is playing you for a fool..I know from experience

[@kissedbypalefirex]

the baby name story, "she cant change her mind".....oh YES SHE CAN, the baby isnt born yet, they havent signed the birth certificate, so yes she can change her mind. husband is liar & shady.

[@peteranon8455]

Story 2. "Actually, it's not too late."

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

I don't see that marriage staying together after that = story 2

[@jessicapalmer3455]

2 minutes and 42 seconds into story one: Get out!!! GTFO!!! RUN! I've been there. 3 years and 9 months of been there (which was 3 years and 7 months too damn long) and it does NOT get better. Leave whilst you still can and have no children with him. You're a newly-minted adult. Be single and enjoy it until your person gets put in front of your face! And if someone is reading this and is in a similar situation, TAKE THIS ADVICE AS WELL!! "The smart man learns from his mistakes, but the wise man learns from the mistakes of others." 💙💙

[@kdawg789]

Loool story 1. He lovebombed and played on your ego. Been there. "Worships the ground I walk on" check your ego sis.

[@platinum_noelle]

If my husband was such an asshole he wouldn't leave to his parent's to give me some space and was basically trying to force/pressure me to go back to how things were when I thought he was a decent person, I'd call up his parents and stay with them instead. Damn.

[@kmechwarrior1684]

S2: DO you seriously want this cheater polluting your child's life?

[@Swnsasy]

Nope, OP, ruuuunn.. He is selfish, manipulative, abusive and disrespectful. Many of us have trauma but we say ok, enough is enough and step up. I started college at age 27 because I had my kids young. Now I have my PhD and my 3 grown children are amazing and productive citizens doing very well for themselves.. I had to let go of that trauma. How she claims to LOVE this man when I have yet to hear what is so loveable about him?? He lives off of benefits, as a SINGLE MAN? Wow... Just Wow!

[@tracy238]

Story 2: Leave. It might sound hard now, but staying will be harder.

[@9999plato]

Face tattoos. A key ingredient for success in the employment game. This guy sounds like a real winner.

[@shecoda4402]

He is letting his near-term pregnant wife sleep in the guest bedroom? His refusing to make his wife comfortable in her last weeks of pregnancy tells me this guy is still only thinking of himself and what he wants. I guess the way he thinks he is going to fix things is by abusing his wife. And yes, making her sleep in the guest room instead of him in the final stage of pregnancy to me is abuse. I'd leave him for that alone. OP needs to leave her husband and go to her parents until after maybe six months after birth to give the hormones time the hormones to slack off a bit before making a decision. See what kind of reparations he is willing to make to save the marriage. She may still choose to leave him.