How to Confront Problems Without Making Things Worse

On today’s show, we hear about:
- A wife struggling to feel attracted to her husband of 28 years
- A husband wondering how to support his wife who struggles with anxiety and depression
- A woman unsure if she should stay close with her sketchy uncle
Send John your questions. Leave a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or reach out via this page: Ask a Question - Ramsey (ramseysolutions.com) We want to talk to YOU!
As heard on this episode:
- BetterHelp - bit.ly/3seoBCe
- Hallow - www.hallow.com/delony
- Thorne (25% Off Orders) - www.thorne.com/u/delony
Resources:
• Building a Non-Anxious Life - bit.ly/3EL5ubR
• Anxiety Test - bit.ly/460QXUp
• Own Your Past, Change Your Future - bit.ly/47q7Skm
• Questions for Humans Conversation Cards - bit.ly/472lIKd
• John's Free Guided Meditation - bit.ly/3MAGpEV
Twitter (@johndelony)
Instagram (@johndelony)
Facebook ( johndelony/)
This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at www.betterhelp.com/delony and get on your way to being your best self.
The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately.
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[@MisterNightfish]

The first caller keeps saying "I don't wanna hurt him" but there are few things that are more hurtful than what she's doing. Imagine basically faking a marriage for 30 years. Not only is she ruining her life, but she's also prevented him from being with someone who really loves him.

[@mcisanta]

I’ll tell you what she did found a nice man got his security and stability and then she didn’t want to loose those things She never liked him

[@aya123444]

:((((

[@mamadoom9724]

The second caller actually made me cry because I suffer from multiple mental issues including awful anxiety that actually makes me unable to hold a job at this point. My husband has been so supportive and encouraging me in small easy ways to branch out and do something, but he’s not putting pressure on me in a scary way. It almost feels like my husband took this advice because he’s been doing exactly what dr Deloney said to do.

[@Taylor15SwiftFan]

Second caller is a total sweetheart! I hope his wife can make it through her struggles. He deserves love and effort in return and wish them both well.

[@chelseytighe3403]

I wish every therapist was the kind John wants to send people to… but the truth is the majority are not practitioners of integrity, which breaks my heart. Don’t be afraid to shop around until you find a therapist that kindly pushes you toward a better you.

[@dabd8175]

Females are masters of "shopping around". Modern female nature in a nutshell.

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

Yes. A good idea

[@whygowegabusch120]

100%

[@trevormassoth2802]

Some even have unresolved traumas and foist them upon you, making it worse.

[@CJ-ft9yo]

Never found this a good source of healing, it’s just frustrating and expensive, being told generic stuff I can get free from KZbin. There are some woeful ones out there.

[@sarahcouture24]

First caller was probably raised by a narcissist or rageaholic I'm guessing. In that scenario, you're not allowed to disagree, to complain, to have needs, to speak your truth, to have your own desires, to EVER make the person look bad or accidentally inflict a narcissistic injury... Y'all are being so hard on her, but she sounds like a kind person who doesn't want to hurt her husbands feelings. Who's been trying to see the positive aspects of him rather than the negative. Who just has never been allowed to do anything but fawn, fawn, fawn her whole life or else suffer the harsh consequences of daring to express her independent honest self. She was probably never encouraged to have her own perspective, that may have been too dangerous in her childhood home. I would guess her inability to tell her husband how she feels strait up is probably an outcome of a highly controlled and stifled upbringing. I might be wrong, by I don't think it's on purpose

[@sabias3932]

Agreed.

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

That could be!

[@josephb.7004]

It’s crazy how elaborate of a back story people will create to justify bad behavior of a stranger. Seems to happen most often when the other person shares their gender. Coincidence? Hmm

[@hausofphid3966]

​@josephb.7004 An explanation is not an excuse. Identifying WHY someone does something awful does not justify the awful behavior. It's important to understand why people do things, even if the behavior is inexcusable.

[@josephb.7004]

@@hausofphid3966 sure, but then you don’t use excusing language, such as, “I don’t think it’s on purpose”

[@ac9448]

I feel so bad about caller 1's partner. She spent 30 years wasting his time. How selfish

[@cathleenhayes8214]

That’s insane. You don’t have a clue. You cannot fathom the pain she’s in. Both sides are responsible!

[@candyluna2929]

The 1st caller: you don't magically get it. Both need to accept it and move on.

[@DeRocco21]

Chad is an amazing husband. You can hear the excitement in his voice when dr D gives him the tools to actually help his wife

[@theFIRMAMENTalist]

I wish mine cared enough to find tools. It sucks. He literally just described the things that I have needed my whole life. I didn’t even know how to acknowledge I was suffering from this until like a couple months ago, I ran across a podcast that started making sense to me and now my life (that’s in shambles) all makes sense now. I still have feelings I don’t know what to do with.

[@Cosmicvzn]

The second caller needs to know he is an amazing human, i love that he cares so deeply for her. Shes absolutely lucky to have someone like that.

[@karenhultgren7810]

First caller does not seem to know herself at all. IMO she needs to get in touch with herself. I hope she finds a good therapist.

[@carolcastellaw6633]

Ouch..too much hesitation w/ that first caller..doc right...why wait so long

[@mallorypaddock163]

I'll bet you anything she's on the Ace spectrum, and never questioned it, never researched it, or educated herself about it. Especially if she's been married for 30 years, long enough ago that none of this was really being talked about. I really noted when she said she's never thought about anyone else sexually or romantically, and each time she had trouble understanding John's analogies. Those analogies probably wouldn't make a ton of sense at first to someone who doesn't feel attraction the way most people do. She sounds like a woman who has accepted what society and authority had always told her about marriage, dating, attraction, and sex. And then assumed that once she was in marriage and it didn't feel like what she was expecting, that that was probably normal. I'll bet some people told her "well that's just how it is, we all don't like X, or Y, or "at first" and she just went with it.

[@americanart2003]

I thought the same!

[@leslienelson438]

Tell the truth always no matter what. I had a husband who when I tried to talk to about this or that would get super angry and not want to talk. Because of this I lied about certain things. He's gone now and I wish I could have told him the truth-it's so important

[@xyzforum]

Second caller is an ANGEL, I couldn’t believe how sweet and down to earth he was.

[@katharina5159]

Dont be so hard on the 1st caller, it is easy to judge. This guy has his part in it too I think.

[@DeRocco21]

2 pearls of wisdom from dr D: asking if someone just wants to vent or wants advice, and using i statements instead of you statements

[@jacobkennedy1065]

I would like to add something to the response of the first caller, and this is something Dr. John has mentioned on a recent caller. You must understand that your husband has every right to respond in his own way. You may get lucky and together you can resolve and overcome the 30 year long façade that you put on. Or you may get unlucky and he wants nothing to do with you ever again. Or you might get something in the between the two. But it's his right to respond in the way he responds, regardless of whether it's something you like or don't like.

[@analafee-diaz7499]

The first caller situation…Wow. I recently spoke to my brother about this topic. He is about 13 years younger than me, 25, and dating. He has a big heart and has dated women that he likes being around and wanted to help. Companionship is great, friendship is great, good qualities are great, but attraction is also very important! By many people it gets overlooked. I’ve been married for almost 9 years and I’m more physically attracted to my husband now than I was when we first got together, and it was there initially for sure. This lady admitted to not being sexually attracted to him for 3 decades. That’s a rough place to be in… for both of them! On top of the long list of things she doesn’t like about him. If she has really felt that kind of attraction for him, I don’t know if there’s fixing that after soo many years. I really feel for her husband.

[@show_me_your_kitties]

Me too, that call was a dark one, that poor husband.

[@lilolmecj]

I feel sorry for both of them. She has some real issues. Also, culturally we have built up a lot of unrealistic expectations around sexuality and desire.

[@christinah.8504]

first caller is married to someone who makes good money and doesn't want to give that up and knows her husband will divorce her, re marry and someone else will be married to him. She doesn't like but also doesn't want him to have anyone else.

[@jangrosemartindale8740]

Possible

[@gerafinali4384]

I doubt

[@JennieC21]

That’s just speculation. Maybe he’s a selfish lover and just gets his own pleasure and not bothered about hers or maybe he’s just really bad it 🤷🏻‍♀️ or maybe he’s not very pleasant in general or with certain situations and she just didn’t want to 🤷🏻‍♀️I agree it was a conversation they should have had a long time ago but they didn’t. Everyone’s saying she’s selfish and he has ‘missed out’ but maybe the problem was his and that’s why she didn’t want to. It’s all speculation, none of us know the full story

[@hightunnel2723]

Second caller. I loooooove hearing that the husband is concerned for his wife’s anxiety. It’s such a balance of being responsible yet loving at the same time. It really sounds like he’s been trying to do what’s best for him, her, their marriage. I respect him very much for being so receptive to your advice and ideas. Great segment 👍🏼

[@shsbk4615]

I agree that there are things that need to be identified with the spouse as to why the caller's situation is like this. If the husband is no longer as attractive for any reason due to any verbal abuse or kind of neglect, then the caller needs to set priorities and make the right decision for herself.

[@kellymorehouse4561]

John, I heard you say that no one can you what they want. All I want is to be loved. Came from a totally abusive home and didn't know i had any rights so I've tolerated abuse, some i didn't recognize as abuse. My spouse tells me he loves me but a person knows if they're loved and he's too self centered to love. In our two different churches good Christians tell me how much he loves me and how I don't appreciate him. Yes I've shared with him what the issues are and he tells professionals he is willing to do whatever it takes to make this marriage work. I've been to a pastor and a marriage counselor that my spouse saw first and when I came in they tore me apart verbally and he sat there like he didn't know what was happening. Total of 47yrs together. When you don't learn basics growing up you spend your life struggling to learn and be accepted

[@sunjewel9064]

Is he a sociopath that always controls the narrative?

[@jcstuart6978]

Cultivating desire takes a real strong connection. Most men think the strong connection is the result of a great sex life, when actually it’s the opposite.

[@auemmjee]

I think compatibility is the key to a great sex life... regardless of connection, if you and your partner aren't into the same things, it's gonna be difficult to have great sex.

[@jcstuart6978]

If you and your spouse aren’t compatible you had no business getting married and yes connection is going to be an uphill battle as well 😂

[@OopThereItIs77777]

@@auemmjeewrong. Women need emotional connection or we are not into it. If you’re not helping, not making us feel beautiful & valued, if you’re not an active dad & planning dates while we run the house…no, we don’t. I don’t care how compatible we are. Women are emotionally turned on first & foremost

[@Ellely143]

For the first caller, the advice was if you don’t have a passionate sex life it’s okay to leave and move on. Isn’t this is the excuse when spouse cheats with someone else? People want passion and great sex but that doesn’t happen the longer someone is with someone. Also when new and shiny is more exciting.

[@JennieC21]

@@Ellely143 exactly! Double standards

[@marciwilliams8654]

Tell your mate you have not been attracted to him for your entire 30 year marriage?? The heartache that will cause may not be repairable. How can he ever trust anything she says again? Sorry John... I think honesty needs to be spoken, but to say "I have never been sexually attracted to you and I have faked it for 30 years" is probably going to result in disaster that cannot be repaired.

[@Qwackdawack]

So true thats just mean Ii bet she will crumble when he wants a divorce

[@tamalaknox1438]

That first lady is in denial about her sexuality. I hope she finds peace.

[@auemmjee]

You think she's asexual or lesbian?

[@shibamom607]

I agree with the comment that this woman has wasted 30 years of her husband’s life. She’s in her comfort zone in the dynamic with her husband but for him it’s really unfair-he’s been hurting and her rejection has damaged his self esteem. It’s actually pretty cruel on her part.

[@mcisanta]

No she’s a narcissist

[@nataliabusko1432]

@@mcisantanah, she is asexual

[@dahliacheung6020]

The first caller's husband's situation is an absolute nightmare. I think I'd almost rather die than realize after three decades that my spouse never liked me and was never attracted to me. How does this even happen? Why would someone do this or be content to live like this?

[@dannwhitehead6193]

The first caller has cut her husband down to the point he has stopped trying. She probably reprimands him in public and belittles him. She says she wants romance but the things he likely does for her are rejected.

[@auemmjee]

You're hearing what you want to hear. She literally chooses not to tell him how she feels because she's cowardly. Reprimanding would be a step up from what she's doing.

[@OopThereItIs77777]

Sounds like you were hurt

[@dannmurray1199]

You obviously didn't listen to her. She's trying to spare his feelings and your judging her by saying she probably reprimands and humiliates him in public. Here's the societal problem with sex....men label women as evil if they're not easily sexually coerced, manipulated or bribed. You would be surprised at how many woman don't really prioritize sex in a relationship but value more honesty, friendship, trustworthiness, etc. Where the ridiculous notion that a man can validate, acknowledge, "show his love and devotion" just by slamming her is beyond my compression. Tired of men using sex as a connection voucher.

[@JennieC21]

@@dannmurray1199 👏🏼 💯 agree

[@MarieZ17833]

Second caller is amazing!

[@maritahartmann591]

I thought John was going to start crying on the first caller...

[@starlingswallow]

I can completely relate to Jane, 1st caller. I don't know if she has a similar upbringing (abuse/neglect) and/or if her husband is emotionally abusive and unsafe, but....here's the deal: When a woman has SUCH a low sense of self worth and identity (due to FOO stuff), she goes into relationships and marriage with the idea that she has to be _everything_ for her husband and she is trained not to think of herself at ALL. Before and after kids. She was never taught about her body, but was taught by society (books, movies, church, parents, etc) that women are at the service of men and sex is alllllllll about the guys needs. We aren't taught to explore our bodies or even ASK for what we want in the bedroom, and if we DO, we feel like a bother! I take to long to O, he's not romantic so I feel bad asking him for romance....etc, so many women just lay there or give the hubby what he needs and act like we are totally fine with OUR needs being neglected. This is what I saw in my parents marriage. 😢 (not the sex part, I'm just assuming daily life dynamics bled into their bedroom stuff as well). In my first marriage, like Jane, I was LYING to myself AND to my ex! (Who was severely abusive). For me, it wasn't safe to share what I needed. If I did, he'd rage out. I thought that kind of marriage was normal and that's just how it is. Everyone saying "Marriage is HARD!" 🤦🏻‍♀️ I am remarried and from the get go we have had honesty on the table, no holds bar. We do it with love and kindness. THIS very thing opens up the flood gates for amazing intimacy!!! Jane, I hope you decide to lay it all out on the table for your husband. I know it's going to be hard, but better late than never. I bet he is t happy either and feels as lonely as you do! To be intimate and it rock, there needs to be connection and safety, and with him not really knowing you, the real you, the you who is annoyed by a lot of what he does, of COURSE he is t going to ring your bell! He doesn't know you because you've been lying to him, and yourself, for 30 years. 😢 My heart breaks for you both. Biggest key here: YOU are NOT RESPONSIBLE for other peoples feelings/actions/responses. Your job is to be you and be honest, and do it kindly and respectfully . I'm so sad because this convo could have happened years ago and the two of you might have had a better life, apart or together. And your kids have been watching this dynamic and FEELING the emotional atmosphere in your house and this teaches them that THIS is what love and marriage is supposed to look/feel like😢 If you aren't happy, and he doesn't want to grow and change or learn what YOU like in the bedroom, just leave so the both of you can be happy instead of you both being miserable 😢

[@dabd8175]

To long to read but can tell it lacks all accountability and reason 🤷

[@31Sunshine]

@@dabd8175 Exactly! She's shouldn't have married him period! She wanted to be "married" and have children & the house with the picket fence... She isn't into him at all,... Never was... She doesn't even like him. It's that simple!

[@Bav92]

yea he got fooled. I feel bad to see so many good guys not be able to vet their partners during dating. We have to be better in this society to teach young men to read what's going on @@31Sunshine

[@chelseytighe3403]

If you don’t read it you can’t tell anything. Dadb… I think you might be a cute lil troll.

[@chelseytighe3403]

Thank you for saying something thoughtful and compassionate. @starlingswallow

[@matthewbrandon931]

John you should write a book on this subject. Bet it would sell like hotcakes.

[@christinamo7]

1st caller. SMH. If she were my girlfriend I’d have told her would you rather risk living the rest of your life without a wild sexual relationship or without your best friend? And then I’d tell her to be real specific about one thing she needs from him romantically. What did he do when he was dating that was different? Kiss her more? Hold hands? Open doors? Be specific

[@user-qp5rw8uu1q]

The first caller knows her husband will divorce or have an affair if he hasnt already when shes honest. Shes talking about his behavior but shes the big liar 😂 and for 30 years. What a waste of a life

[@KellyK1000]

Such an amazing job John in process of digging down with 1st caller!!! Wow! Great advice

[@nathaliebasile6168]

Jennifer thank You 🙏 for bringing truth into your family … you are the light ..

[@Molly.Blaylock]

Second call: this warmed my heart, and Im going to share this segment with as many people as I can. And I encourage others to as well. John- freaking awesome advice. 👏 Chad- what an awesome example of how to love your wife. Just. Freaking. Awesome.

[@TheEquiss]

This first caller was kinda my situation. I was married 35 years. Mine was ok but he turned into an absolute pervert. It became completely disgusting. He wanted to do suck crap and wanted other people involved. He constantly wanted disgusting crap I refused to do. Then if you didn’t perform good enough or make enough noise or …on and ons and on it just became gross. Then if he didn’t deem it was good enough there came the hours and days long constant nagging and accusing me of cheating. I got sick of it. I could’ve gone a week straight and never go anywhere alone and he swore I was cheating. Fast forward-I found out he was cheating with women AND men and doing all kinds of disgusting stuff. I finally filed for divorce. Been 3 years now that I’ve been single. He died less than a year after the divorce. I will never ever ever get involved with anyone again. I will never share a bed with anyone. It’s just too demeaning, disgusting and gross. Don’t miss it at all. Being single is SOOOOOO much better.

[@priscilamaeli1]

I'm so sorry that all those horrible things happened to you, sweetheart. It hurts now but don't say never. You DESERVE to be loved in honesty and integrity and there are men about there looking for these same qualities in a woman. Be well ❤

[@TheEquiss]

@@priscilamaeli1 nope. Absolutely not interested in ever dealing with anyone again. I have a full life. I am retired from my job, retired early. I am financially able to easily live on what I make. I have a recreational program I run, and I have lots of hobbies and interest. I will never ever deal with anyone in bed again. It’s just not worth it. The last three years have been wonderful.

[@sarahalderman3126]

Sounds like a porn/sex addict... more and more men are suffering from this, increasingly over the last 20 years. Its sad because it is most men at this point.

[@katherinealba6768]

You were sexually abused.

[@angelicadelashmette803]

Wow that’s really sad your life was so wasted for so long that you’re wanting to be alone the rest of your life. Always makes me wonder if people are miserable why they don’t end things sooner.

[@trevormassoth2802]

I love the format of this show. Its been so helpful for how i approach parenting and my relationship with my wife. Life changing for sure

[@harrietbaker4484]

I love it when my guy asks me for help. It makes me feel part of him and that I have something good to contribute to the relationship that he appreciates. It is fuel to me.

[@maritahartmann591]

This is one of johns best shows. Great advice all arpund.

[@dp2120]

John was off base on the first question. It was a huge jump to say the lady didn’t like her husband or didn’t find him funny.

[@tomnohmy1273]

I confronted big J and it went south quick, kidding, Dr J is awesome

[@MugglesUnited19]

When the lawn needs mowing I legitimately just tell my husband oh I’m going to mow the lawn it’s getting bad. He does it in 24 hours. 😂

[@carolt403]

First caller doesn’t like herself and seems like she’s not pleasant to be around

[@amyamy1727]

@DrJohn, BetterHelp is expensive and will not accept insurance. That’s saddening.

[@mico77720]

The first caller is such a coward. What she needs is courage training.

[@jghetto85]

Delulu as well, hiding the truth and taking away possibility of him moving on with his life is causing hurt obviously. Using this as argument, that she had his interest in mind is BS.

[@masaniazura2131]

I've met SO many women who dread having sex with their husband. They didn't like themm. I was stunned. Why did she marry him? She doesn't like him! ALSO, we women are taught a double standard to being sexual. In one sense, it's taboo, naughty, nasty, you're to avoid it at all cost and them POOF! You get married and you're supposed to "turn on" and have sex...and be a "naughty girl". She's "hard wired" now. She has to learn how to be a new person and learn that sex is AWESOME and necessary.

[@espiritualme2048]

30 years faking????? 😮😮😮How is this possible????

[@mykibalzy]

She's a people pleaser 😮

[@Whatorwellsaid21]

I am not surprised a lot of older marriages struggle with sexlessness. Same sex attraction was taboo till recently, so lots of people settled for friendships and assumed there was nothing more to life.

[@OopThereItIs77777]

lol not even what this about. Don’t try to twist this into some creepy wrong mess. She doesn’t like the man. Period.

[@chrislim7976]

The gall of that women being dishonest to her husband for 30 yrs about something central to marriage then call in to ask what do I do.

[@marta150]

Its like a frog in a pot that gets hotter and hotter. After a while where you are is where you stay.

[@Bav92]

Read the great sex rescue especially if there is a religious background. Also... being embarrassed of your spouse is just SO backstabby I can't even

[@pinsneedles1743]

The recommendation for the second is what the first needs.

[@AbidingHopeMentalHealthCoach]

Not telling a spouse something because you’re afraid of hurting their feelings is the worst thing you can do. Well, maybe not the worst thing, but it’s right up there with the five worst things for sure. My husband would often be hurt by something I said- a function more of his own history of trauma than of my intentions. There was nothing I could do about his feelings. Especially when I didn’t know about them for weeks. Finally, he would get around to telling me, 4 to 6 weeks after the fact, at which point, I would clarify what I meant, or apologize if I had really done something wrong. Either way, the damage was done. He finally moved out. Said he couldn’t be married to me anymore. I’m not saying I have no blame, but I tried really hard, and he didn’t. What else can I do? I hope that if he remarry someday, that he will learn to be honest with his spouse.

[@roselolagne6642]

I wish I could send this to her for her to hear how much he loves her. What a incredible partner.

[@chosenone9074]

I would have asked the first caller: Do you have children together? How many children? Anybody with chronic conditions that they have to care for? What type of work do they do? When did she realize that she was not into him? These things will give me a good idea of what has been happening in that marriage. If she needs romance to be into him, the romance has not been there. The reason is why. ADD or ADHD does not remove romance from a relationship that is being worked on.

[@Cosmicvzn]

That first call wow, I understand her but 30 years? Too long

[@marilynnelson3559]

Ok. I was the 1st caller. I felt it was my Christian responsibility to stay married. I wish i heard this logic before. 😢

[@Courage10.18]

That sweet sweet gal doing the hard thing to protect her younger brother and cousin! The generations she is making emotionally healthy by quitting the game. I’m praying her dad does the right thing by choosing his son. God bless her courage, her brother’s and cousin’s courage too.

[@kevinmclaughlin3088]

Well, maybe now she will be courageous, and I will applaud her for it. But up until now, she has been a coward. I don't say this in a judgemental tone. Fortunately I have never been in her position, so I can only hope I would do the right thing. But it is honest to say that, up until now at least, she has been a coward.

[@mykibalzy]

Johns doodling 😮

[@rk6032]

Please, first caller. Let that husband go. I have ADHD. I have had a partner that was embarrassed of me sometimes. Never again. My husband doesn't make me feel that way.

[@marilynnelson3559]

She tried fixings it. She took on the responsibility for it. Im just asking, but how many women loose interest in sex?

[@skaziblu]

She said 30 years but said she was attracted to him when dating. They are trapped in a rut. Sexless marriage rut its really common and fixable. She just doesn't know qhay caused the loss of attraction.. roommate syndrome.

[@jerink85]

How do you find people who are capable of communicating the way John and his wife seem to? It's beautiful.

[@mysterio1570]

Jane sound’s bored with Mr Jane. I don’t see how she gets out of this without divorce.

[@sfappetrupavelandrei]

Divorce is definitely on the table. But not because Jane is bored but because Mr. Jane will be pissed for being lied for 30 years. Well, I would be pissed and too old to waste my time with a woman like that.

[@lonidenham849]

Delony out here giving away millions of dollars worth of therapy for free...

[@JustActNormal]

First caller omg. You wasted this guy's life on purpose

[@diggernash1]

And John's advice...he needs to give her everything she asks for and see if she falls in love. Insanity.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

@@diggernash1somebody didn’t listen… that was NOT all of John’s advice. One, it was to be truthful to him and THEN speak needs out and vice versa. First she has to be honest though!

[@diggernash1]

@@flashthecorgi2053 I heard it and it was aimed at the majority female audience. He's invested 30 years of providing(unless she was the bread winner), she owed him true passion in exchange for that entire time. He shouldn't put an ounce of additional effort I to her. Move along and find a younger model to have fun with.

[@dabd8175]

Females in a nutshell

[@flashthecorgi2053]

@@diggernash1I don’t disagree with you but John’s advice wasn’t just to tell the guy to give her everything. He started the whole convo with stop lying and sit down and tell the truth!

[@dahliacheung6020]

The third story- that man is dangerous. I believe those poor little boy and the fact that they haven't had any support, especially the cousin who was physically sexually harmed by his own FATHER. No nonono. As a CSA survivor this is all kinds of hell no. Two accusations is two too many.

[@ggrace1133]

This is such a common issue. Women really desire a man in the beginning because he says and does so many awesome things that stoke our emotional intimacy needs which feed our libidos. But we get married and those things go away almost immediately. Then pregnancies and hormonal upheaval and exhaustion for the next 18+ years that kill more of our libidos. So we fake our way through sex for THEM because we love THEM and they have constant sexual needs. But they do not meet our emotional intimacy needs-hell, they don’t even think they’re real. So our low libido just keeps drying up. Love dies folks. It takes two. Both. Good for her for sticking it out for 30 years without him doing what she needs to desire him. I’m proud of her! But now, Lady, go find someone who will be willing to validate your emotional intimacy needs. That’s where her connection lies. Men don’t understand how critical emotional intimacy is for women. Do the things you did while dating-it really is that simple. When you stop, desire for you dies. It’s that simple. It’s that real. That honest. We’re so tired of pretending desire because you guys get so angry and defensive and mean when we tell you we need the things you said and did when we dated. You reject our needs quite loudly, but think we are heartless bitches when our libido dries up. Our libido for you, anyway.

[@papi5377]

Może nie tak zoniey jak człowiekowi Rocnycyy żadnej. Wasze zdrowie!

[@papi5377]

Byłam szczęściarą dzięki przyjaciołom.

[@rileyfairchild6873]

Maybe nothing did happen

[@anagabriella576]

30 years? Selfish.

[@aya123444]

She doesnt even love him. Adhd things? Bye. WHAT DID U GET OUT OF IT? money. Security. Cpmpany. Run out of loneliness

[@trishcooley5810]

There is a good chance that the kids had some, what they feel, interactions with the uncle/dad where the young men felt ripped off or humiliated or he caught them doing something terrible that the uncle dangled as a n😮everending threat wanted to destroy the uncle unjustifiably harsh & accusing pedo of someone is the worst. And then if the cops, both times, found the youths to not sound credible about such an extreme accusation - cops have seen lots of people lie to the extreme & it’s just cuz they hated the person.

[@robinragan1702]

Why the horns on the shelf?

[@sittowardi6781]

Jane ain’t so sweet.

[@jangrosemartindale8740]

She’s acting like a Mom in how she’s reacting to what she’s complaining about! She has CHEATED him of a life he could have had with someone who really, deeply loved him.

[@sheizzl18]

Every new year is Y2K all over again

[@searcyangela]

Bad Religion - Modern Day Catastrophists - Give it a listen!

[@jasondima1411]

The first caller really hurts my heart because I have ADHD. She wasted his entire 30 years smh

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

It's nott that. ..She just used a label that really doesn't cover her true feelings about something else... My guess is She is Not being honest on a public radio show, either.

[@jasondima1411]

@@patriciaalbertson5183 you’re right. It is more to the story than just ADHD. I hope she gets the help that she needs to overcome this

[@jens9613]

Agreed. I have that and it sticks to hear people say you’re too much and over sharing. He’s with the wrong person. That’s why I hate dating and I’m divorced. Damn

[@jasondima1411]

@@jens9613 I’m so sorry about your divorce.

[@auemmjee]

​@@patriciaalbertson5183there may be more to the story but to deny that certain disorders are more than what a lot of people want to deal with is to deny reality.

[@babydollkincaid4584]

Lady what you did to this poor man is completely awful and heart breaking shame shame on you😮😢 dam!

[@TheUfm123]

She went through hell . She sounds hot . He probably won this one . We all know at a level if he would spoke up he knows what he would probably find out so don’t ask lets work her guilt .

[@heatherbrenner8275]

Is it just me or does the first caller sound really selfish? Dude must make good money

[@deberapeters8369]

And what would be wrong with TAYLOR SWIFT ? Haven't you been paying attention ? She handles herself with Grace and class when That attention seeking idiot ripped her Award from her hands seconds after receiving it, She writes her own songs, She makes sure that everyone working in her current tour received or will receive a BIG CASH BONUS for doing such a wonderful job. We're talking THOUSANDS per person. SO Many people LOVE her music because the songs are so relatable and she has MILLIONS OF LOYAL FANS . CHECK OUT SOME OF HER LYRICS

[@jeanhoffman5676]

Is it intimacy anorexia or sexual anorexia? Treatment exists for both. Look for you tubes and if you think this is the problem seek targeted help.

[@auemmjee]

I bet the real reason the first caller didn't want to come clean to her husband is because she knew she may end up divorced and most people are afraid of being alone. That's why so many people are in these terrible relationships--they dont like themselves enough to be ok being alone. She wanted a sexless partnership like a lot of women do.

[@shibamom607]

Why do you think most women want a sexless relationship-I’m pretty sure that’s false.

[@dabd8175]

Beta analysis

[@sfappetrupavelandrei]

​@@shibamom607I'm guessing he meant that a lot of women get married more because of afraid to be alone and not because they like so much the guy. But I agree that the comment feels a little mysoginistic.

[@auemmjee]

​​@@shibamom607I didn't say most women but according to studies, women in long-term relationships are twice as likely to lose in sex than men are. I'm not saying women go into a relationship looking for a sexless partnership but many women want to maintain the relationship after they've lost interest in their partner sexually. They want the man to be ok with being their life partner but not having sex with them.

[@auemmjee]

​@@dabd8175in your world, aren't women supposed to be the betas? 😂

[@pinkfairydust83]

I'm pretty shocked to hear John say that her therapist must have been 'bad' because they didn't tell her what to do. I'm a therapist, and it's not my job to tell my clients what to do. I'm there to offer empathy, non judgemental acceptance, and a space for them to explore what feels best for them.

[@nikkita1688]

All kinds of therapists out there

[@auemmjee]

​@@nikkita1688when I was in grad school for clinical counseling we were never trained to tell clients what to do. Telling a client what to do when you have no idea what the result will be is a good way to create liability. Suppose her therapist had told her to tell him the truth and the husband flipped out and beat her ass.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

@@auemmjeeBut isn’t it the therapists job to find out if she was in an abusive marriage before being honest? I mean Dr. D is trained in clinical counseling so he has the same education but he also wants to make sure the client takes the next right step and will guide them to that and I think that starts with being honest with your spouse. Or even Dr. D will say it’s the counselors job to hold the mirror up and reflect back what they see so why couldn’t you say something along the lines of “do you think lying to your husband is benefiting you in any way” basically you aren’t telling them to be honest but you are making them critically think to realize that it’s just harming them more.

[@sharonboult5914]

You are wasting your clients’ money. People go to counseling for help in finding answers to their problems.

[@oWMatt]

I think that he gave her a good advice. To tell the truth to her husband.

[@miriamcohen7657]

She needs to go to a doctor.

[@MoonriseJT-Official]

This woman is lost. I feel bad for the husband who has been lied to for many years. Imagine her faking it even in bed!

[@sghs7473]

First caller, vows before God are bigger than their issues. I don't think advising divorce is the Godly response. Without suggesting marriage counseling first? There are plenty of couples that can reignite the flame when they do the work. I believe they can overcome it. I love this show but sometimes your knee jerk advice is wrong then toward the end you gave her some hope. But maybe ask more before suggesting turning lives upside down. They might have kids. Divorce could have generational consequences. God can do anything!

[@melaniecastillo9786]

He is being flat out honest. Maybe they don't believe in God for starters

[@sghs7473]

Clearly, you didn't even listen to the call.

[@brendondowdy5651]

Terrible first call. Shouldve started off with has he gained weight, stop working out, lost his hair and questions like that.

[@babydollkincaid4584]

He's wasted his life being with you 😡

[@marta150]

He knew things weren't wonderful and he didn't leave or work on it.

[@Khemtime]

Lady list the ways she’s tried to improve her sex life and the first thing she says is “prayer”…okay…

[@laundrygoddess4]

Exactly my thought. That has a 0% success rate

[@solidsnake1826]

First caller.... You might be gay my dear

[@31Sunshine]

Terrible lady !!! He gave her children.....🙄🙄

[@dabd8175]

Female nature

[@chelseytighe3403]

It’s not just the “female nature” that over simplifies complex human emotions. I know many people (of both sexes) who would rather bury their heads in the sand to maintain a status quo than to confront a problem that would upset their entire lives. If John isn’t judging, maybe we should try not to, too. We’re not listening to court tv. We’re not on a jury. We’re listening to a podcast about people getting help because they KNOW they need fixing.

[@show_me_your_kitties]

​@@dabd8175lay off the drugs maybe you could find someone

[@sfappetrupavelandrei]

​@@chelseytighe3403She has no excuse. She messed the dude's life and also her kids' if they hear about this. Imagine that when you were conceived, your mother forced herself to be f*ed by your father. Because there was no love making in her case.

[@dabd8175]

Submit

[@lukasbryant9881]

🤦‍♂️

[@azimuthbusinesscenter]

time for polygamy

[@giantfatberg]

When your wife is projecting “I don’t like you, eww don’t touch me” feelings at you, in the face of you providing for the whole family, protecting the family, participating in house chores, homework, and after school and weekend activities, and she is expecting “romance?” how is that supposed to come about. I’m not sure where I went wrong.

[@JennieC21]

Did She say He does chores, homework and after school/weekend activities then?

[@IFBBProYeo]

Shout out to the men talking to other men about how to help their wife 🥹 It's so good to see!!!