Is the Idea of Virginity Outdated? Virgins vs Non-Virgins | Middle Ground

[@anyway9137]

“you’re taught about how to put on a condom, what chlamydia is, what AIDS is, but you’re not taught if you really wanna do it.” wow.

[@shaq9361]

"i dot want to do that" they continue its rape pretty sure its common sense and a 3rd grader would understand

[@Galen223adept]

Tbh, many of us aren't even taught those basic things lol

[@MacAndy]

As it should be. You don't teach other people what they want.. they decide for themselves.

[@tosinakin2508]

@@MacAndy You don't teach people what they want. You teach people to recognize when others don't want something.

[@sharkaboi]

we don't have a class even

[@umwtfreakisthat740]

I just believe that whether you a virgin or not, nobody should be judged or mocked about it. It's just really disrespectful.

[@PizzaRolls4949]

RIGHT! 🚪 🏃

[@izuru6164]

@@PizzaRolls4949 👭🚪🏃‍♂️ 👭🚶‍♂️🚪 💏💏🚪 🤱👩‍👧👨‍👦🚪

[@dwnkaomwn3953]

Exactly.

[@PizzaRolls4949]

@@izuru6164 🚪🕺🕵

[@PizzaRolls4949]

@@izuru6164 😔 The family ❤

[@a.sandco7939]

'I'm Nico, I'm 19 and I'm really scared my mom is going to see this" lmao, the perfect line.

[@nostop4691]

@Tyler B #2 what u smoking my guy

[@Fortheloveoflore]

@Tyler B #2 I don’t think you know what antithesis means.

[@Victoria-ko6mw]

and he's sooooo cute

[@ricosuave1053]

@Tyler B #2 let us all have our beliefs. Plus that isn’t related to the comment. It is a respectful thing to do.

[@cazonmalena9528]

@Tyler B #2 explain what is atheism pls

[@ylizzleee4106]

i’m so proud of her for handling that “everything happens for a reason” line so gracefully, because as a victim of rape, i don’t see myself being able to keep my composure

[@abiihxlii]

Hope you're okay 🫶🏼

[@MMellette]

100%

[@workworkangelica]

I’m so sorry that happens to u :(

[@KobeofLeeland]

Canon event type beat

[@mya619]

Same here. I really hate that saying, because you're not only saying "that was supposed to happen" but you're excusing the person who did it. It's always super religious people who love to use that line. I'm proud of how she handled that line.

[@juanasoler4749]

the girl who said "well everything does happen for a reason" right after vanessa told how she lost her virginity should think better before she says something

[@dianas7429]

I agree. I wouldn't want to be friend of someone who is so tone deaf.

[@amirahelechi7113]

Eh, agree to disagree

[@lovely1641]

nothing malicious was said

[@Rando240]

@@amirahelechi7113 how?

[@amirahelechi7113]

@@Rando240 bc I do

[@tracymartell9599]

calling sexual assault a "learning experience" is pretty damaging... especially during a dialogue that's meant to facilitate safer spaces around sexual subject matters.

[@ig4653]

@@user-op8fg3ny3j understandable, doesn’t change the fact that a survivor had to hear such an awful response

[@destinyquiroz914]

Duuude imagine the a rapist saying that!? "Everything happens for a reason'' Or them saying that before the act or saying that to justify it or " See light into the situation "

[@zegsi364]

No its actually better. Cuz it keeps the value of evolution and growth instead of victim mindsets and devolution

[@00J-Tone]

Even negative things are learning experiences. If you didnt learn anything then you are more likely to go through the same thing. Stop being a snowflake. Grow up.

[@tracymartell9599]

@Tyler B #2 so are tylers all around the world... go fight a war or something this topic aint for you baby

[@nmtrules96]

Wtf “everything happens for a reason” is NOT how you respond to someone describing having been sexually assaulted.

[@nataliea3072]

Insensitivity at its finest

[@noneofurbusiness7501]

yeah like an airhead

[@maratwasnthere1075]

“Everything happens for a reason” was not the line I would have used-but still, I believe she said that in response to Vanessa’s first sexual interaction and not the sexual assault she experienced later?

[@Woodsaras]

Assaulted? Did you hear the story? :Ddddd

[@noriii]

@@Woodsaras what?

[@Thegirlwithapinkbag]

Don't say "everything happens for a reason" to someone who has experienced sexual assault.

[@lovely1641]

Why? She said herself she learned from it

[@Lavarias.kayla03]

@@lovely1641 how tf do you get sexually assaulted for a reason?

[@EdgarHernandez-uu4iw]

@@Lavarias.kayla03 it wasn’t sexual assault because she ended up giving consent and even said she did not regret it

[@evieb8187]

@@EdgarHernandez-uu4iw coercion is not consent

[@profanotherletter4346]

@@evieb8187 why not

[@Jinx2media]

The girl who has little interest in sex has the most sensible views on it...

[@coolbeans5911]

"Coaches don't play"😂

[@evaa.333]

I guess it can partly be because as an asexual person, you kinda get an outsiders perspective on the whole thing? Since you don't feel that attraction, only societal expectations would push you to do those acts. So I feel like that makes it easier to question those expectation that societly puts on the whole virginity and sex topics

[@eviedean4337]

Yeah I definitely think since her perspective was different it allowed her to have a much less biased view

[@beebo12]

@Jade Johnson same!!

[@aliciaquintero7133]

@@coolbeans5911 fr!

[@Lolligagginaround]

I’m sorry, but did homegirl just say “well everything does happen for a reason” after Vanessa just shared her traumatic story of losing her virginity that entailed her partner pressuring her and taking advantage of her. 🤦🏻‍♀️...def not the best thing to reply to someone after sharing something so vulnerable!

[@jackielogsted2793]

that was awful

[@jutiajulia]

Yeah, that was not it. Very inappropriate to say in that situation. Nobody should tell anybody how to feel about something traumatic.

[@jessicaroos837]

Agreed. I was like "oh no honey, no no" when she said that.

[@ashuranero5721]

It was still her decision, it's her fault

[@sailorpsyched]

@Aloko Zay that wasnt HER mistake, she didnt deserve what happened to her 🤨🤨

[@anne-hi4tv]

So glad that the girl with blue hair picked it up that people laughed when that guy literally descriped hes very uncomfortable experience. Also I think that she had very good points overall.

[@HouseMDaddict]

And how people see sex as different things! SO aware and I loved their answers!

[@youssefhachicha49]

Ur just a simp huh

[@poop4647]

frost HD OR they’re just appreciating someone’s opinions weirdo..

[@thebatonmaster]

Yeah, I'm grateful she pointed out the big double standard in how people view female sexual aggression vs male sexual aggression.

[@mid_professor]

@@youssefhachicha49 why would he be simping all he said is that she made a good point

[@mountaindew3201]

Nothing wrong with having sex before marriage. Nothing wrong with waiting after marriage. Go at your own pace.

[@kaanthedesperate]

Facts

[@GojoTheHonoredOne9]

Very much a lot wrong with having sex before marriage

[@mariominayag]

@@GojoTheHonoredOne9 Why?

[@mountaindew3201]

@@GojoTheHonoredOne9 no

[@indeedConfirmed]

@@GojoTheHonoredOne9 everyone has opinions

[@Rina021]

I'm so glad they put a masculine, good-looking man on the virgin side... So good to break that stereotype!!

[@femafull]

Yesssss, I agree🙌🏻

[@naria2224]

Yes! It’s awful that there are some people that look down on a man for being a virgin. I find it great when a man that is wanting to wait for the right person.

[@irmalair1]

Yesss I know right! 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

[@chickenchaser9348]

Yeah im really happy they did that too :)

[@chickenchaser9348]

@@naria2224 same!!! It means that he has a lot of self respect (not that non-virgin guys dont, they do too) and values the seriousness and romanticism of intimacy. Not just doing it for the sake of doing it.

[@thebatonmaster]

I love that Bri (blue haired girl) brought attention to the enormous double standard between what is considered acceptable flirty behavior between males vs females. Women often get away with all sorts of touchy, gropey, aggressive come-ons with the assumption that men either secretly want it or that it's not a big deal coming from a woman. Thanks Bri.

[@FLASCH1111]

thank you! i really appreciate it. had to be said!

[@thebatonmaster]

@@FLASCH1111 No, thank YOU!!! 🤩

[@temitopeoketikun1379]

True I poked my friend’s elbow recently and he didn’t say anything. I shouldn’t have done that, it was unnecessary

[@planetvenus6249]

@Tyler B #2 what’s the correlation

[@sharinettegonzalez23]

@Tyler B #2 yeah...but no thank you 😑

[@popcorndude20]

“[Describes sexual assault]” “Everything happens for a reason” Bro what???

[@popcorndude20]

@Tyler B #2 ok tyler

[@xaifer2485]

@Tyler B #2 you say this to a comment about sexual assault. man that's ironjc

[@duolingobird5081]

@Tyler B #2 stay on topic Tyler.

[@Sofia2crazy]

@Tyler B #2 you need to chill lol

[@S-anniee]

A perspective that no one asked. Everything she said feels robotic and cold. Sort of memorized, but also unaware of social, cultural, and belief differences. It honestly appears like she repeats everything that she was told growing up and isn't mindful about it. This happens when growing up in a bubble, which occurs with strict religions or strict parents that you trust. It is likely she has heard and learned that response to tragedy/trauma before as comfort. But does not realize how insensitive and tone deaf the expressions she learned might be and does not apply well in different situations, as well as timing. This is why exposure to different people is important. It helps gain perspective and experiences. Sometimes people just don't question further from what their parents teach them or their enviroment. In conclusion, It seems like she doesn't have the time, physical and head space to be able to analyze, reflect, and think for herself. Fyi: this does not justify her response, but provides a better understanding of what happened and their mental processes.

[@peepdawg8995]

I'm 22, a Virgin, never had a girlfriend, never kissed anyone , no stress, just a normal peaceful life

[@PureRythm]

You just dropped this 👑

[@pepetheiii6866]

Your future wife is lucky.

[@WhiteMetal_]

Everything's same except i am 24

[@rinkishimoto5797]

Absolutely agree with you. I'm Aroace, and I had 2 male roommates for the last 2 yrs. No drama, no romance, no sex, no stress, no pressure, nothing but peace and mutual respect.

[@JohnWin-sz3sy]

Must be ugly or short or both

[@YourPersonalHacks]

I feel like the girl in yellow went home thinking she did well...until she read the comments

[@contraryshinysnivy]

She does did well, why u agaisnt sex before married rules in islam ?

[@asalah6578]

@@contraryshinysnivy uhmm, did u see the video?????? She did not do good, her responses were tone deaf!!! Also no one said anything about being against Islam or Muslims, I am muslim dude

[@contraryshinysnivy]

@@asalah6578 i think she did a good job while being soft listener, if its a real muslim with strict will really point out all the rules in islam that against the sex before marriage

[@asalah6578]

@@contraryshinysnivy she did point out the rules in Islam but just behind a smile, like know even asked you. she is just talking just to talk. There are so many other Muslims that could have done SUCH a better job. Embarrassing!!!

[@natashawarden2810]

@@contraryshinysnivy that's not what people are angry at they are angry about her minimising sexual abuse by saying "everything happens for a reason" to a sexual abuse victim

[@luciat9846]

“I was taught what consent looked like” *No one moves* This, this right here is so important. My heart broke when I saw no one moved yet I wasn’t that surprised BC I wasn’t taught either by the American school system. Now I know that consent is not just “yes”. There are so many factors that come into play and it’s so important to recognize them before any action is taken.. I’m glad they brought this up.

[@jana-dy5et]

I think this is true for school systems in a lot of countries, i would hope it is changing nowadays but when I was young, it was definitely not teached to me and I'm from Germany.

[@mateaf6731]

exactly the prompt came up and i zoned out bc i immediately realized that it was in fact never taught to me in school or by parents or anything, i had to in a way teach myself what it is and what it isn't - zoned back in to all of them still standing there and just felt a wave of sad shock pass through me, goosebumps and all, because we really are taught so much about sex itself but almost never touch on the topic of what consent really looks like, beyond just "no means no", if that

[@MattGarcyaDC]

Minute?

[@iDewThis4Yu]

You literally can’t teach that..concentis different for everyone

[@teamichigo75]

I don't think schools should or have any need to teach their students what consent looks like or the meaning, that's up to their parents to teach them.

[@coolbeans5911]

"everything happens for a reason" she said to the sexual abuse survivor

[@sasha9647]

Jesus her ignorance

[@EmmaryMarshall]

@Tyler B #2 not everyone believes in god. let people have their free will and you can have your own as well.

[@GraceLeo-mc4rr]

@@EmmaryMarshall If they don't believe in God then they have no business in mentioning his only son, especially in a vile manner

[@EmmaryMarshall]

@@GraceLeo-mc4rr they can say whatever they want. you don’t get to tell people what is and what isn’t their business.

[@GraceLeo-mc4rr]

@@EmmaryMarshall It's not their business. I'm not Muslim but I'm not gonna disrespect the religion simply because I'm not one of them and hide behind "freedom of speech". Respect others and their religion

[@sophiabatista6957]

Rahan gives me “I think I’m better than everybody” and airhead vibes.

[@thenextstepxzs]

she is better than everyone, she’s confident and knows what she wants also independent

[@frogtastic]

ughh she is so annoying!!

[@LordBandit200]

She is better

[@vocaloidhoe2238]

She made me so angry I almost clicked off the video

[@cnnlegendary7444]

Yes she is better! Look better, her energy is better, and she is VIRGIN!

[@merrimankaylynn]

Im soooo glad she called her out on saying "everything happens for a reason". Its usually said with good intention but makes the victims feel SO shitty, please never say this to people.

[@bornwithoutconsentobviously]

At least you recognize she didnt have the horrible intentions everyone in this comment section makes her out to be.

[@juanpedro4083]

@@bornwithoutconsentobviously I am 60 years old but still virgen. I am waiting for a special person.

[@bornwithoutconsentobviously]

@@juanpedro4083 seriously, mad respect. At age 60, still a virgin, by choice I suggest. I can't imagine that. I'm 30 and I lost my virginity at my 18th birthday, but I have been going almost twelve years without any form of intimacy and its driving me nuts to be honest. I really hope you find that special person though.

[@NameName-yj7lp]

@@bornwithoutconsentobviously It’s the way she said it like “ aww too bad but it was going to happen” something about feels like she didn’t care. Stuff like that ISNT supposed to happen. It’s not.

[@miurtouissi1093]

@@bornwithoutconsentobviously you can still harm someone even if you don't have bad intentions. Ignorance doesn't absolve you from everything. And this was incredibly ignorant

[@mariam-xq3py]

even as a muslim, it was still wrong of her to tell vanessa "everything happens for a reason" when being assaulted. Yes, God does plan out our lives and destiny, but no one deserves to have traumatic experiences.

[@ИванИвановИванович-т1ф]

So you are agreeing that "it happened for a reason" while criticising her for saying such?

[@mariam-xq3py]

@@ИванИвановИванович-т1ф no, im saying it happened, but not for a reason

[@indeedConfirmed]

@@mariam-xq3py yes definitely for a reason, she knows how to make the right decision next time, logically not emotionally, you have both a brain and a heart for a reason. If you choose to use only your heart and get hurt because of it you gotta have something happen to teach you otherwise.

[@NehaVKumar]

@@indeedConfirmed wow that sounds very "victim blame" mentality , what do u mean by , when it happens next time she will know what to do ,it wasnt her fault and there should be no kind of teaching moment for her cause she was unprepared for something like that , having an assault happened to her is only traumatizing . We have both a brain and a heart but its not like they dont work together. When your met with a situation like this, your fight or flight is triggered, and one of the responses is to freeze . U can have it happen to u again and u still wouldn't know how to deal with it.

[@acielvert8573]

@@indeedConfirmed are u seriously blaming the victim???

[@Angelina-pr5hl]

You do you. If being a virgin is important to you because of your religion or other reasons that's totally fine. It's also fine if virginity doesn't mean anything to you. It's only getting problematic when you start judging other people based on their decision.

[@ashuranero5721]

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion of other people

[@chelsea9641]

Yeah

[@johnleon4310]

Yes.

[@youssefhachicha49]

Everyone is born for a reason u should look at life from an othere side cause its gonna end one day

[@anesusithole631]

@@ashuranero5721 yeah and they should keep it to themselves instaed of opnely making others feel bad for their decisions

[@NBR943]

The thing about Rahan is that it isn't exactly what she's saying, it's her body language when she does it. As someone who has been very insecure in the past, she seems to be just that. She's trying so hard to fit in and seem chill about it all that she looks the opposite. I grew up in South Asia so I'm well aware of the culture and shame when it comes to sex. She probably never had to sit in a room and talk about something that is considered taboo. So she seems to be trying to act casual about it and overcompensating while constantly feeling out of place. I honestly don't think she's bad in anyway. She's just inexperienced. Either that or she thinks she's better than everyone else cuz she's "pure".

[@icantsee0]

Or ur just overthinking about it lol

[@NBR943]

@@icantsee0 probably lol

[@stafeleez]

Yeah I agree

[@lovely1641]

I mean she's not apart of sex culture so people either think she thinks she better than them or it touches on their insecurities because usually people like her aren't really thinking in that way as if they were better. They're usually minding their own business in a way people aren't used to

[@Gay.Muhammad]

No Hymen no diamond

[@pyaariiilalfromindia8716]

Virgins or non virgins these people are really considerate and wholesome. This is the peace I would love to see everywhere

[@AxxLAfriku]

Why is Donald Trump pretty and I am not? But why does he only have a wife but I have TWO HOT GIRLFRIENDS who I show off in my masterpiece YT videos? Do you know the answer, dear pya

[@ulledienulle8211]

@@AxxLAfriku ?

[@ifyouwantoreplyjustclickth5063]

Does anyone notice how jubiliee tries to make their last question be one they thing everyone will agree on? It's like they want everyone to leave on a good note and say "look, we all have this in common, lets all be in the middle and come together now".

[@daenerystargaryen1440]

@@AxxLAfriku In my opinion Donald Trump is not pretty, but you do you 😂

[@theroyaletea]

@@AxxLAfriku i stopped reading your comment after i read that Donald Trump is pretty, i mean the only antonym for pretty that i know is Donald Trump

[@maryoary3195]

I do like how Rahan mentioned how marriage is not consent .

[@AliceEcila98]

yep that was very good

[@ninapickles9]

The one thing she said that actually made sense

[@amirahhmukhtarxx7129]

@@ninapickles9 everything she said made sense

[@NoOne-sd3sx]

I agree. In my country, there was a point where a lot of people having open arguments and criticize women activists for proposing law about sexual harassment towards women and one of the article was “rape in marriage”. Almost 90% people i’ve talked with, thinking that the idea of marital rape is ridiculous, because to them, being married means that you have to ready whenever your husband want to have sex. (I live in a muslim majority country, and lgbtq+ isn’t normalized yet, so there’s only heterosexual marriage). It’s ridiculous that people think that marital rape is not something serious, and it’s our fault if we got raped by our spouse because we rejected sex. And i really do understand why people would think marital rape is ridiculous, because we were never ever taught about consent, ever. We don’t even have sex ed here. It’s a muslim majority country, where a lot of people think “marriage equal consent” and “women should serve their husbands”, it is also really taboo to talk about sex with your parents, because you’re supposed to figure it out by yourself “after marriage” where in fact, a lot of people lose it before marriage, but don’t talk about it because they got slut shamed and majority of men wouldn’t want a woman who’s not a virgin. Therefore, even someone’s got raped, and the victim talked about it, people would blame them. So a lot of people just don’t say anything. And that’s because a lot of people here, don’t know the idea of “consent”. So if you got raped, while wearing a dress, or because you were being nice to the rapist before, they said “it is your fault, even when you said no. Because you flirt with them”

[@deeznuts1469]

same

[@linahabouomar3970]

Us muslims don’t claim Rahan who tf says to someone who’s been sexually assaulted “everything happens for a reason” babe where tf do u live in??another dimension??

[@porto1st]

Do you speak on behalf of every single Muslim to say that we don’t “claim” her?? Ridiculous. You can say you don’t agree or accept what she’s saying, but don’t say “us Muslims” don’t claim her

[@amirahelechi7113]

No one cares who u claim and don't claim

[@linahabouomar3970]

@@porto1st bruh if you’re in your right mind you obv wouldn’t wanna claim her bc saying such an insensitive comment to someone who went thru a traumatic experience is top tier disrespect

[@linahabouomar3970]

@@amirahelechi7113 should I cry😢

[@porto1st]

@@linahabouomar3970 I obviously don’t agree or respect what she said at all, but It’s not your place to speak on behalf of every single Muslim

[@Sophia-su6hk]

Vanessa is so strong for telling her story about her mom. I hope she is doing well and can find someone in the future

[@memesbabes6899]

God I love the blue haired girl. She’s so educated on the topic despite not having sex.

[@FLASCH1111]

thank you! hahahah

[@kyana4508]

@@FLASCH1111 omg I found you! Look, I'm going to follow you because seeing you in there, being so well-spoken and educated and just representing us Aces so well made me so happy and proud. I honestly love you for that ✨

[@FLASCH1111]

@@kyana4508 thank you so much!! seriously 🥺

[@takemehome.9729]

@Missy Fray super agree!!

[@h34rtz4r1a]

@@FLASCH1111 OMG ILY

[@teresajuarez74]

Saying, "Everything happens for a reason," to someone who was sexually assaulted is not the right thing to say and shouldn't have been said. I'm so sorry she had to even hear that.

[@fhiyos_2611]

Can I get a time stamp

[@vallpac]

@@fhiyos_2611 5:25 - 6:55

[@fhiyos_2611]

@@vallpac thank you

[@tylerknight9830]

to you. for people who are religious or even spiritual they believe positive and contrasting experiences make for a fuller experience of life and help you grow into the person you want to be.

[@halifaxverbeck7098]

@@tylerknight9830 those people can keep it to themselves.

[@cherasunasmr9887]

i feel like girl in yellow doesn’t have any malicious intent and seems like an okay person, but some of the things she said are extremely tone deaf.. 😬😬

[@GlamourCat1920]

I agree - I don’t feel she is a mean-spirited person but a lot of the things she said did not come across well

[@amirahhmukhtarxx7129]

I find it funny how when you don’t agree with someone’s narrative, you’re quick to label them tone death

[@GlamourCat1920]

Jade Johnson I agree with the specific examples you used

[@cherasunasmr9887]

@@GlamourCat1920 right? like how are you going to sit there and tell a sexual assault victim that it all happened for a reason? smh.

[@cherasunasmr9887]

@Jade Johnson EXACTLY. You took the words right out of my mouth. Like that person above can say whatever they want, I respect that girl’s religion and opinions, but you can’t deny her response to the sexual assault victim was just... no.

[@daniellemillard760]

I really connect with Vanessa. When I lost my “virginity” I was raped… and when I went to my mom about it she told me I was lying and just didn’t want to tell her I was having sex and it really does hurt when they are supposed to care for you and want to protect you from harm.

[@shelbyk2193]

OMG I am deeply sorry this happened to you. I can't imagine the pain you must feel knowing that your mom does not believe you. Is there anyone you can go to to talk about this such as a relative or friend?

[@daniellemillard760]

@@shelbyk2193 I told my aunt before I told anyone else. She was the one that told me I should tell her because I was so upset. Its been like 6 years now and sometimes its still hard but I'm doing better, thank you.

[@shelbyk2193]

@@daniellemillard760 I'm really sorry this happened to you but I am glad you are getting better hun 💖

[@zangrygrapes4571]

greatest enemy of women is other women

[@MarsyinMars]

“Everything happens for a reason” is one of the most annoying, unsympathetic form of toxic positivity. I think, as a collective, we should unlearn to have the reflex to utter that every time someone shares a painful experience. For some people, not everything needs to happen and not everything that happens makes sense. It isn’t our place to give meaning to other people’s traumas. If you’re unable to relate with the situation described, just say you’re sorry and stop there before you hurt/trigger them.

[@WrongXNumber]

tbh... it's not a toxic positivity. Believing that everything happens for a reason gives you a peace of mind at the end and helps you to get over your trauma. We can't control everything in our life but we can give those situations a certain meaning. Living by that is much easier.

[@MarsyinMars]

@@WrongXNumber but that’s not everyone’s belief and we shouldn’t expect it to be. For some, the traumatic events in their life will never make sense. That does not mean that they haven’t or will not overcome them. It’s important to be at peace with your traumas sure, but it’s also important to face them and let yourself feel all the bad emotions that may come with them. In the end of the day, everyone copes differently, but being told that “everything happens for a reason” can come across as insensitive and kind of diminishing.

[@Ari-ih5un]

​@@MarsyinMars For me "everything happens for a reason" is more of a personal way of finding light amidst the pain, a process I'd usually go through further along in the healing process (after I've felt/processed/expression many emotions). The way of finding a strength, however small, lets me take back my power if someone harmed me, or let go of resentment, if it was a circumstantial injustice. But now I'm seeing how differently the phrase is used and interpreted by different people. I see it can come off as cold and invalidating, ESPECIALLY after someone shares their trauma/emotions or they are in the initial stage of healing. I will be mindful and keep my mindset of finding light in dark times to myself and not push it on others. There's no one right way to heal or process things. Thanks for making me think about this.

[@TriforceLiz]

Thank you for this and I'm going to use the phrase "thank you for your toxic positivity" the next time some jerk says that to me. I've had "Everything happens for a reason" thrown at me as a response to my various traumas FAR too many times and now I know the perfect response.

[@TriforceLiz]

@@MarsyinMars yes, thank you. It feels completely invalidating.

[@cheesepuff7549]

I can’t lie the blue haired person has the best points

[@gabrielmoralesgonzalez6471]

I wonder if that is the natural hair color.

[@isoldes.5775]

I’m pretty sure that it’s a wig🤔

[@jazs2300]

@@isoldes.5775 it’s still blue and it’s still hair

[@kontsakeisari]

She seems awesome!

[@matthewilliamazer]

Agreed. As a fellow asexual, I wish I had Bri really explain it to me about a decade ago. I didn't realize I was asexual until after two intimate relationships. I thought it was way more enjoyable for the experience of having it rather than the pleasure.

[@jennyneon]

I mean, being a virgin is still normal, but we live in a time where being a virgin is sometimes considered bad which just makes no sense.

[@SanskarWagley]

It’s not “bad”, but if you’re still a virgin at a certain age, it’s embarrassing. EDIT: I'm speaking from personal experience, I am a virgin and am embarrassed by it. I do not claim to speak for other people.

[@sirsytham1588]

I hate this comment. The word « normal » here is like SO personal. Normal for who? It’s so incredibly subjective. And not only that, you’re wrong. At least in the western world, after 20 it’s weird if you’re a virgin. Just look at the average age for when people loos their virginity.

[@bobf1267]

@@SanskarWagley what age is that?

[@lupinir]

@@sirsytham1588 literally proving their point

[@TheHairiestPotter]

I think it depends on the gender honestly. It’s always been that men are pressured to lose their virginities or else it’s a bad thing and girls to stay “pure” or else their a slut

[@sheemanahassan9753]

as a muslim person myself, I'm quite ashamed of how Rahan represented being a believing Muslim. Being a believer has nothing to do with justifying someone's trauma, it's being compassionate toward them with no judgment. And someone can bring up their religion so many times before it becomes super super entitled and cringy 😑

[@caelcraig]

I agree with you, she said my religion too many times which came across the wrong way and seemed like entitlement. in terms of what she said about the trauma, I dont think she actually knew or meant what she was saying. I took it as everything gets better at the end and this time will pass but she didnt know how to verbalise it correctly but of course what she said was still not appropriate

[@GGK1000]

Am a Muslim and I disagree with you it shows lack of knowledge on your part in fact most of the things she said was true if you ACTUALLY read the quran, the only cringe thing is you embarrassing yourself in the eyes of the angels

[@honeybunch44]

​@@GGK1000 cry harder

[@GGK1000]

@@honeybunch44 if you can have a civil and polite argument, and pull out the "cry harder" card so your mentality lol

[@alisiachiara]

@@GGK1000 So it says in the quran that you are supposed to be entitled and insensitive?

[@anyway9137]

can we please get a black american vs african american episode, because i feel like most people don’t even understand the fact that there’s a distinction between the two

[@gbekeee858]

Add black Caribbean’s to that mix

[@jadastrose8675]

@@gbekeee858 DT won't end well,especially if virgins start judging non virgins,somebody go get cursed out on their whole family or get lixed the fuck down

[@itslihlelanga]

@Tyler B #2 Amen dont stop spreading the gospel

[@KristenPimley]

White American culture is calling black people from other countries African Americans.

[@temitopeoketikun1379]

Oofff this one!

[@kayzeefivesixace]

I really cant belive the whole “everything happens for a reason” after she basically just said she went through a tramtic expierence. thats sad.

[@ayshatakiremi1830]

@Rosie Hutchinson ok..I see what u did

[@statebrigaba5160]

She didn't mean anything bad when she said that, she just wanted us all to learn a lesson from something bad, because after all the bad we need to be stronger and open our eyes, not to be hampered in life and not to blame ourselves for something someone else did to us, not to let it bring us down. I see the goodness in her eyes and she was the only one who hugged her when it was hard for her to talk about it 25:35. If you took it wrong then thats your problem, your perscective, your view of the world. dont blame her!

[@urbutholstinks2304]

@@statebrigaba5160 she told a rape victim "everything happens for a reason" even if she didnt have the wrong intentions,that's so insensitive given the situation

[@milig]

@@urbutholstinks2304 I agree with sta, I doubt she said it with bad intentions but her choice of words was awful

[@firstlegend5105]

@@urbutholstinks2304 tbh in Islam, everything does happen for a reason, it is called 'takdir' Allah has created plans for everyone and it is in the work that we put in to make it count, however some circumstances where situations like this is inevitable, then we can't avoid it but to learn from it and move on from it

[@Julia67838]

“I’m Nico, I’m 19 and I’m really scared that my mom is gonna see this” has the same energy as: “I’m Jared, I’m 19 and I never fu**ing learned how to read”

[@jillfanning749]

That’s what I thought

[@cthesavage]

?

[@safa4806]

@@cthesavage it was a vine

[@jaredfisher-ramos7744]

Wait my names Jared bruuh

[@ebonysunberry2580]

😂😂😂

[@abbysmith1177]

The minute she said “everything happens for a reason” made my eyes widen because I know how it feels to be told that when something out of your control happens

[@josuerivera3542]

Is it me or yellow jacket vibes be giving me that she thinks she better than everyone in the group

[@sarahjane8631]

I get the same feeling. She seems disingenuous

[@sirmel11]

Exactly. Being religious doesn't make you a good person.

[@thespiderverseiscoming5482]

But she is enlightened. She understands Love is stronger than Lust. Why wouldn’t you strive for that?

[@ifyouwantoreplyjustclickth5063]

@@thespiderverseiscoming5482 i dont think she is "enlightened", she seems a bit ignorant, but i agree love is better than lust. I have a feeling your comment is gonna get a lot of back lash tho

[@thespiderverseiscoming5482]

@@sirmel11 Religion gives people rules to follow so that people can feel equal, safe, connected, purposeful. All religions teach love. What would the world look like if it didn’t exist, where people were taught not to care about each other, where everyone would feel so powerful that they would abuse their power. If there was no god what would our life mean. I need god to give me a reason to live. I’m a Christian and she’s a Muslim. There’s a parable called the friendly Samaritan that talks about treating people with different backgrounds as brothers and sisters and regardless of what we believe in and our differing values, we embrace each others presence with love. Now you think religion is bad. That’s only due to the people who create propaganda and false narratives of what is originally said. Albert Einstein once said "Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind." Now the science community has a large amount of people of don’t believe in religion and resort to science, they believe in facts but not faith. But Einstein, possibly the greatest scientist of all time connected both religion and science and told us we need reason for existence. That is the beauty of religion, that is the beauty of god and his creation. I choose to believe that. Otherwise I live in world based on emptiness.

[@l.w908]

the dead silence after the question "i was taught what consent looks like" is honestly terrifying.

[@labranehit7687]

Yeah! That shocked me as well. It's bloody dangerous for them not to have had that taught to them.

[@lovely1641]

@@labranehit7687 I think the assumption was that they wouldn't have sex

[@acfkelly6291]

I didn't know, but I make sure my kids do

[@cat56789]

It’s so scary

[@taurusied7447]

Is it something needed to be taught? One who is sensible enough knows that an activity between two person is proper only when both are involved in it willingly. Is it that difficult to understand? 🤔 Be it sexual or any other activity on this planet.

[@mercy1372]

I like hearing from older virgins who aren’t just waiting for marriage. Sometimes you’re just not ready or waiting for the right moment or not interested in sex at all

[@UrbanDecayLova247]

I definitely think we should normalize that not everyone “waiting” is doing it for religious reasons.

[@noneofurbusiness7501]

period

[@Mustlehard]

Ready for what ? It’s not a big deal

[@CL_G]

@@Mustlehard STD's, unwanted pregnancy. You cannot expect everyone to be honest about what diseases they have or their intentions prior to having sex with you -that is what makes it a big deal.

[@iguana6746]

@@CL_G thats why you use condoms. the chances of getting an STD or a pregnancy are extremely small. If you follow this thought for any other area in your life then you wouldnt get inside a car or cross a street, because you literally have more chances of being in a car crash than contracting an STD or pregnancy IF YOU WEAR A CONDOM. The girl can even take pills or watch her fertile period to make sure a pregnancy wont happen

[@RoseEyed]

I love the fact that the asexual woman is the one who knows the most about sex and seems the most sex positive. Honestly it's a testament to her character that she'd take such a sincere interest in learning about something that she's not interested in. It is a bit ironic though. Love that she was included. I knew asexuals existed but I've learned more about them because of this video.

[@FLASCH1111]

thank you for watching!

[@Gay.Muhammad]

@@FLASCH1111 asexual is not a word

[@Gay.Muhammad]

@@FLASCH1111 lghahsshahhaa community is gay 😂

[@grooooootie]

@@Gay.Muhammad it is actually 💀

[@Gay.Muhammad]

@@grooooootie no its a made up word

[@jol2924]

Skyler is attractive as a man. Down-to-earth, intelligent, comfortable in his own skin. ✔️

[@seirrasky3581]

Ikr! everybody gonna be in his DMs after this one

[@yisraelG]

So is nico😂

[@ocdplaylistmaker7032]

Comfortable but not overcocky or uncomfortable

[@noneofurbusiness7501]

quality man

[@yisraelG]

@@noneofurbusiness7501 🧀🧀🧀

[@singbin]

Fun fact: 99% of the comments were talking about a girl who said "Everything happens for a reason"

[@cm.1458]

I’m*

[@toarabbit]

I hate when everyone comments the same exact thing.

[@coreygavin9134]

For sure there's a reason but it's not always going to be a positive development...In this case maybe a hard lesson learned?

[@patriciaespinjurado602]

@@coreygavin9134 are you serious? Are hard lesson learned? Sexual assault IS NOT a “lesson”. Her partner at the time had NO excuse to ignore how uncomfortable she was and to threaten her with breaking up with her. No one should ever experience sexual assault and take it as a lesson. What are you learning exactly? That it’s ur fault for being in a relationship and not wanting to have sex yet? That’s completely valid and no one should have sex when they don’t feel that they are ready or want to and no one should be pressured or feel threatened into having it.

[@s.j.4061]

😂

[@WishAtElevenEleven]

It really grinds my gears when people say “everything happens for a reason” to people who have been raped

[@passport3763]

Someone said (sarcastically?) say that to someone who has been raped, and I kept thinking that phrase would confuse people, the person is saying it sarcastically but I was confused.

[@animecutie.]

@Tyler B #2 read the room. The comment was about a person who got raped you thought now would be the time to try and be funny?

[@MsDudette21]

im glad they had only one religious person there. cuz in america id assume most younger people are virgins because they havent met the right person or are just too young and havent placed importance on it yet

[@sannin4569]

Wouldn't say raped. The boyfriend simply said he would end the relationship without intercourse, mental manipulation, rather. In no way does that diminish her trauma, but most people would simply end it right there, but everything is easier said than done

[@ve9121]

@@sannin4569 it’s rape. manipulating, convincing, or pressuring someone into sex is rape.

[@bria4776]

“everything happens for a reason” that was such a terrible thing to say

[@qwertyqwerty-bo8xy]

IM CUTE

Yep. Doesn't add up

[@vaina5873]

So true, it does not make sense

[@matthewilliamazer]

Doesn't make sense at all.

[@jocelyn15]

which is exactly why virginity is a social construct and means nothing, it’s not real

[@p1wonist]

@Zac Atkinson it literally is, it’s not a tangible thing.

[@myotakulife2614]

Why does Rahan act like she is better than everyone else . So passive aggressive

[@salmamoustafa9468]

She was so off especially when she was like invalidatimg the girl's trauma like it happened for a reason. Superiority complex for sure.

[@마이배뷔]

😂😂😂

[@마이배뷔]

She is living in parallel universe I guess ,talking about soul's connection, I mean wake up girl it's 2021,people get raped even after marriage and marriage isn't consent

[@mustbebold8788]

Right like.

[@Mandy-dw9wm]

I felt that too... but I also thought she was trying to be nice ...

[@becca53444]

I really want to give Vanessa a hug. That is so sad how she was treated and them blamed for being sexually abused. Wtf. My parents would never react like that. They’d be on my side. Every parent should be in that situation.

[@emunahohr9734]

Ik🥴 I teared up

[@calvinhoward3808]

My parents would've just said you need to get right with god.

[@jevislife5675]

now while I feel bad,she shouldn't of started it "just so he knew she loved him"

[@normano6593]

When she described it it kinda seem lke she contented to it

[@xiomorastyles5852]

@@normano6593 coercion isn’t consent

[@knakdarmen]

Bri is so well spoken, intelligent and accepting! I really loved and resonated with everything she said.

[@FLASCH1111]

thank u 💙💙💙

[@makesmewannadie647]

Same

[@Jasmine-uj5ns]

i’m really glad vanessa spoke up about how bad it is to say “everything happens for a reason” after talking abt smthg that serious like what went through rayahs head to say that...

[@abdallahahmed825]

Well being a muslim my self kind of understand her, because in our religion the term “Every thing happens for a reason”; means it’s your destiny and Allah’s (god) will. So it’s used to help the person feel better and carry on with their life. But it was not ideal for this situation since people’s perspective is different and your mannerisms and word choice can say a lot about your personality and how you react with people from different religions. I don’t agree it was the right time to say such thing but just wanted to share this little information.🙃

[@Alibern7]

She learned her lesson. She chose to have sex with him, so everything does happen for a reason. Now she knows not to sleep with guys to keep a relationship since obviously that tactic didn’t work out with her first relationship.

[@tasha9007]

@@Alibern7 did you not watch the video or?? she literally said she was pressured into having sex-wtf is wrong with you??

[@Alibern7]

@@tasha9007 She still chose to do it. It’s called peer pressure.

[@Alibern7]

@@tasha9007 You shouldn’t go around calling people rapist when she allowed him to have sex with her.

[@bloomingflower123]

Would it be possible to do a "Do All Asexuals Think The Same" Spectrum episode? I think it could be really cool because there's a lot of diversity in the ace community that's just not really known to people unfamiliar with the community!

[@annaairahala9462]

Yes! There's been many comments asking for this, but it feels like we've hardly been acknowledged

[@sam_canyon]

Yes!! This!! I love seeing more and more aces in these types of videos, and having one that dives further into our community's diversity would be so great for representation.

[@froggy3268]

I wouldn’t be interested

[@annaairahala9462]

@@froggy3268 Good thing they don't attempt to make every video interesting to every person out there

[@basicallyshalieen5574]

Yesss,I want to see different perspective as a asexual and it could be a way to learn each of them

[@handsomesquidward2130]

"everything happens for a reason" sister as a Muslim woman myself I'll just ask, what made you think that would be okay to say after someone told you they been sexually assaulted?

[@juanpedro4083]

I am 60 years old but still virgen. I am waiting for a special person.

[@handsomesquidward2130]

@@juanpedro4083 That's cool

[@kyeoptawerk93ah]

to be fair, that is a very old way of thinking so i kind of get why she said it. i have an older muslim family member who was raped (she gave birth to the child that came of the assault) and kind of said the same thing. it's def not the right thing to say nor do i really think it's the right thing to think but it's not an uncommon thing to say or feel that it "happened for a reason" or that it was part of god's plan for them.

[@solammcanzy1545]

SAME I WAS SO SHOCKED SO

[@ellaocean]

6:31 LOL my eyebrow was raised through the roof.

[@malakadel6243]

I'm glad Rahan pointed out how consent is important even after marriage cause it's something that's not talked about often

[@Catsandcoffee123]

But she also said everything happens for a reason as a response to someone's uncomfortable experience.

[@bubba94290]

@@Catsandcoffee123it was bad wording, I’m just she even came to that conclusion afterwards. It’s obvious that her intentions weren’t bad, so it’s annoying to see other trying to paint her as a bad person when you can see that she wasn’t trying to be malicious. Your comment is unnecessary.

[@Catsandcoffee123]

@@bubba94290 doesn't matter. Sometimes irrespective of intentions, you can end up hurting people with words, and people should still take responsibility for it. She was also constantly trying to pretend to be superior just because of her regressive beliefs. Also, everybody can voice their opinions on this platform, and I didn't say anything that's inaccurate. So I don't think my comment was unnecessary.

[@nini_nunez]

@@Catsandcoffee123that’s a way religious people come to terms with bad things that happen. It’s not a way to excuse something. But she definitely should’ve held her tongue. That was cringey

[@alegria716]

the most heartfelt moment for me was when Bri went back to when she used to ask herself " am i broken? " and NIco was shaking his head no.

[@foxeye2012]

That was truly beautiful to see

[@bryannamarquez5833]

@@foxeye2012 I legit teared up during that part. That and everything she stated from 11:30-12:23😭❤️

[@juanpedro4083]

@@bryannamarquez5833 I am 60 years old but still virgen. I am waiting for a special person.

[@m.l3483]

So sweet :)

[@Finn_sisjon]

I love all of these people

[@oliviaallison4262]

I was 13 when I lost my virginity, and I lost it the same way vanessa did, and it was so horrible hearing the girl in the yellow coat say that, it was really insensitive :/

[@bubbybets9336]

i hope you’re okay❤️❤️

[@safa4806]

I dont think shes very educated, she seems kind and that she wanted to uplift her but I dont think it was the right way

[@catherinemartin6233]

Same here... my Bf at the time said the same stuff. “If you love me you’d do it. “ it really hurt me to hear her say that.

[@dtosmanm4743]

@@catherinemartin6233 you chose your bf and you chose to do it. Own it

[@catherinemartin6233]

@@dtosmanm4743 coercion isn't the same as consent.... yes I chose my bf. But I wasn't ready to lose it.

[@GlamourCat1920]

I really like that Vanessa discussed people who have identified with the label of being a virgin for such a long time that when they no longer have that label, it can be difficult to come to terms with the loss of that identity.

[@sirroland922]

@Tyler B #2 What does that have to do with the original comment?

[@dolliquette]

@Tyler B #2 wrong vid bruh 😂😂

[@CalebShagedUp]

@@sirroland922 I’m screaming!!!!

[@poocrayon4588]

Whos identity is being a virgin lol? Srsly people need to harden up if losing the virgin "identity" is a crisis for them

[@user-xf2wg5re8j]

@@sirroland922 i’m deadddd

[@unimai2958]

Asexuals vs Hyper sexuals? My partner is Asexual & I am a very hypersexual person & navigating our relationship is very interesting & enlightening. It'd be fun to see the opinions of each group come together

[@martink.dongmo648]

Y’all just make up names at this point

[@nacho_chezz]

@@martink.dongmo648 asexuality is very real. get over it :)

[@martink.dongmo648]

@@nacho_chezz you either have a bad personality or too high standards or maybe both but it’s definitely not that made up word

[@owenk7571]

​@@martink.dongmo648Do you understand how words work? Asexual is simply a term used to describe someone without a sex drive.

[@olaf-chan-728]

​@@nacho_chezzpriests always existed, they never felt the need to call themselves asexuals

[@HK-jo3ek]

the girl in the yellow suit is trying to be SUCH an over-active listener

[@busboy3232]

She likes to hear herself talk.

[@wlt3585]

@@busboy3232 One on hand we have someone saying she is an overactive listener On the other hand we have someone saying she just likes hearing herself talk W a t

[@busboy3232]

@@wlt3585 Choose your squad trooper.

[@caglaadaler1363]

@@busboy3232 i agree

[@aimemaggie]

@@wlt3585 I read overactive listener as someone who talks while others are taking to show that they’re listening. Like saying affirmative phrases (right, ok, yes)

[@rosiesaikaly1178]

bri was literally spitting facts the whole time. when she told everyone not to laugh about the guy's experience with girl in the car. when she told rahan that it doesnt necessarily need to be a spiritual experience for everyone, its subjective.

[@gracienoble2880]

I loved Bri. She was just so aware throughout this entire video, and on top of that she was pretty funny as well. Taking his situation and turning it around like "If this happened to a girl..." made everyone else realize how terrifying the situation would actually be.

[@kyberkylo7764]

Yea, I immediately noticed when the girls were telling their stories, everyone was listening intently with sympathy. When the dude was talking they were all smiling and giggling which was a bit weird to say the least. Glad Bri snapped them out of it.

[@tylerknight9830]

ugh she was so annoying. it was so invalidating when rahan was sharing a common feeling with skylar about how they view virginity. it was so dismissive. it felt like she just wanted to be the contrarian to anything that was said for the perspective of virgins.

[@kyana4508]

I was so happy Bri was there and I honestly loved her way of presenting herself and her views. As an asexual person myself it often feels hard to talk to people about this topic because a lot of people absolutely don't get the concept of Asexuality. Hearing her gave me some great points I will definitely use in the future.

[@alexg171]

If you've ever been religious, we all know THAT girl. Are we surprised she said that??????

[@schoolmath1562]

definitely. they think the whole world revolves around them.

[@kekwa5409]

yup. i know that attitude and energy anywhere. it's infuriating and hilarious at the same time how condescending these kind of people can be... do they not hear themselves or something...?

[@schoolmath1562]

@@kekwa5409 clearly they dont. its hilarious, your right. but at first. after a while they are so self centered they cant even grab the concept of their ignorance

[@zain6930]

I would never use my religion to justify anything I do or say to anyone I hate people like this smh

[@becca53444]

The thing is, I hate when people just say “I’m not allowed to” or “I’m not supposed to”. Like I believe in abstinence, after thinking about it and deciding it is what I want to do. That’s a very personal choice that shouldn’t be made by your parents or some other person outside of yourself for you

[@katta9387]

I am really happy that Skyler brought up the notion of sex and responsibility and the risk of unplanned pregnancy. I have the impression that many cis men do not spend much time thinking beyond "just use protection". Sex can get messy, accidents happen and no protection is 100% reliable. Also it is often on the person who can get pregnant to take precautions. Nothing worse than a guy in a relationship who knows his partner is for example taking contraception begging to put away the condoms. Like... no thank you sir. Better save than sorry. Pregnancy scares are real. And they are real bad and more guys should take that issue seriously. From my experience having a partner who also takes responsibility for contraception and protection makes sex so much more enjoyable. You know you are being taken serious. You know your partner respects your bodily autonomy. You know your partner respects you.

[@mr.peanutbutter5423]

nobody wants to talk about how no protection is 100% safe. i’m 22yo as a teen growing up hookup culture was very pushed and encouraged (much more now) i ended up getting pregnant despite being careful and friends around me and others in my age group were just nonchalantly saying “just have an abortion” i ended up getting an abortion.. i wish people will acknowledge that sex is fun and we love sex because that’s how nature encourages us to have children therefore we have to take it into consideration and not take it lightly. there’s human lives in play when you have sex, your life, your partner’s lives and the lives of the possible child. protection and birth control are never ever 100% i don’t regret the abortion, i regret making the irresponsible decision to get me there in the first place. birth control and condoms aren’t enough..

[@josephneiconi7725]

12:52 this whole convo is so good, when the blue-haired girl brings up the fact that guys feeling uncomfortable is overlooked, it's so true. Great episode.

[@FLASCH1111]

for real!

[@backproblems713]

Preach

[@unknown_individual7050]

So true. Race, color, creed, gender, you name it. Anyone can be uncomfortable with situations like sex.

[@KTJ1101]

@G G how can u back that up?

[@lkrachal5120]

You can tell that she has put a lot of thought into her decisions.

[@lilsebastian1458]

The girl in yellow smiles at really inappropriate times. Don’t trust her at all.

[@babycakez8070]

People smile when there uncomfortable. It actually quite normal. I glad she when on here. Everyone was able to educate her and she was in her religion bubble before, she kinda got a reality check. And ultimately this is what this KZbin series is for.

[@camilkyuh]

She could be on the spectrum

[@klutzyorangeconfetti1017]

@@camilkyuh why do you think that?

[@tink6225]

@@camilkyuh bruh.

[@tink6225]

it's very condescending

[@bluewave152]

I’m cringing so hard that Rahan wanted to give Vanessa a hug later on after telling her “everything happens for a reason”. Also, that hug seemed really insincere. Wake up.

[@sunnc]

Yeah her body language seemed kinda disingenuous

[@KarolYuuki]

I don`t think the hug was insincere, I would have the same instinct if I was there. HOWEVER, after what she said about "everything happens for a reason", it just looks kinda weird.

[@mkg2124]

You guys are always trying to find something out of nothing

[@ornellasigning124]

Yeah right 🙄

[@Brookoli]

I agree with mkg21, sometimes it's nice to just choose empathy and give people the benefit of the doubt. As if you haven't ever given an awkward hug or come across differently to how you intended.

[@vervideosgiros1156]

That concept of "losing" virginity makes no sense because nothing is "lost"; you were virgin and you're not anymore. Plain and simple!

[@rose-gl4io]

It's just a term

[@stylinson.9839]

Exactly

[@joyedet1363]

Exactly. There are so many cultures where the emphasis is put on the female child & punishment for when they 'lose' it.

[@blackairforce13]

It's more like gaining an experience

[@theforgottenhistory8450]

Female body undergoes changes.

[@naheed3340]

As a Muslim, the Muslim girl just ain't it. She really said "everything happens for a reason" to the girl that got basically raped☠️ Astagfirullah where is the humanity. If she is gonna represent us Muslims, please do it right

[@zuboy4272]

@zureikat family count us south Asians in too

[@Anonymous-yg3ri]

Please we don't want nor need anyone to present us we shouldn't care what non muslims think about us, this girl doesn't represent all muslim and no one does.

[@naheed3340]

@@Anonymous-yg3ri yes we know she doesn't represent all Muslims, however she is speaking as if all her words came from Islam, which is the problem. The way she is talking is not correct, almost disregarding the women's experience by what she said and constantly bringing up Islam. This puts Islam in a bad and incorrect light, and obviously as a Muslim I have to try and make misconceptions become clear. People from what she had said will have a worse view on Islam, eventhough they know nothing about it and hate crimes and ignorance towards Muslims will only increase. So if you are going to openly identify as Muslim and constantly talk about Islam, it is best for you to conduct yourself in a way that represents Islam the best. Arab and south Asian culture doesn't equal Islam, there's a massive difference. Hope that makes sense

[@naheed3340]

@zureikat family ^^

[@Anonymous-yg3ri]

@@naheed3340 it very much makes sense and I whole heartedly agree with every single word you wrote 🤝🏻🤍 I just meant that this girl doesn't represent muslims nor Islam to be completely honest but the thought of us muslims repeatedly having to explain and break down every aspect of our beliefs for non Muslim people for them to just discredit it and talk down on it I'm kinda getting sick of it, i think anyone who's interested or curious about any religion should research it and study it by themselves and not take the people of the religion as the set example of how it should be because no Muslim is perfect and no human is. that's why I said we don't have to care about what non muslims think of us and our religion,

[@lockheart619]

"...and I'm really scared my mom is gonna see this" I approve this introduction 😂

[@manjotkhalsa9662]

Everyone's fear haha

[@AyubuKK]

I personally don’t think it matters. Just let people be.

[@redvelvetisbetter.1377]

Yass

[@animecutie.]

@Tyler B #2 not everyone is religious

[@itslihlelanga]

@@animecutie. you don’t hv to be “religious”

[@kosiqueensly4506]

@@itslihlelanga You need to believe in Jesus in order to be religious. If I don’t subscribe to the belief of Jesus than any of his ‘judgment’ wouldn’t effect me. This rules are arbitrary if you’re not participating. That’s like fouling a basketball player for using their hands when a soccer game is going on. The rules of soccer doesn’t apply to the guy playing basketball.

[@HewieOG]

This should be applied to every situation

[@jebremocampo9194]

I am a virgin because I don't believe in premarital sex. 24 years old, and I have a girl who I am in a relationship with for over 5 years now. She agreed to marry me, but I will make it official with a ring. Wish me luck Edit: I am a Christian

[@tonga05]

I'm Christian too!!! I am so happy for you! Wish you all the best - I will wait after marriage as well

[@amaiyanm]

Vanessa handling Rahan saying “everything happens for a reason” and “it was a learning experience” was very mature. I honestly could never and would’ve popped off the second she said that. Using that statement after someone informs you of a sexual assault is completely out of line. Edit: I know Rahan probably didn’t mean any harm but it was still not the right thing to say, for most people at least. I get it we all mess up. I’m not trying to make Rahan seem like a bad person, but I still stand by what I said.

[@juanpedro4083]

I am 60 years old but still virgen. I am waiting for a special person.

[@leecyleigh12]

you’re wrong opinion :)

[@amaiyanm]

@@leecyleigh12 um what? What she said was very inconsiderate.

[@v0idlessv0id]

@@amaiyanm maybe she j doesn’t understand Muslims women don’t experience much mingling among men and usually cling to friends of the same culture. Therefore maybe she thought she was being considerate with that reply not knowing it can mean something else

[@kadizadiallo617]

I love how she was calm I could never

[@liilybuug]

i don’t think rahan meant badly when she said “everything happens for a reason” but i rlly wish she did not say that

[@b.tsy.4657]

I agree. I felt like she doesn’t know how her words sounded like. And I’m saying that because my sister is like that.. and she says things that are offensive.. but when I ask her “did you mean that way” she goes no. So the intention is different than what she’s tryna say. So yeah o agree

[@bornwithoutconsentobviously]

This.

[@mayjailer04]

Stfu omg ur so sensitive

[@diodrawzz]

@@mayjailer04 ? She literally said that she was supposed to be sexually assaulted. I get that she didn’t mean it intentionally that way but that is basically what she said.

[@mayjailer04]

@@diodrawzz she obviously didn’t mean it like that

[@unlucky1349]

rahan was so passive-aggressive

[@AB-yk2pq]

@Tyler B #2 Please do not be disrespectful

[@unlucky1349]

​@Tyler B #2 all religions are social constructs! there is literally more proof for evolution than gravity!

[@cameerkat]

@Tyler B #2 Respect all religions even if you don’t agree with them. I’m an atheist but I respect all as long as they respect me.

[@EmmaryMarshall]

@Tyler B #2 Not you commenting for someone to not say the lords name in vain and then commenting this crap. no one is going to respect you if you don’t respect them.

[@bee-xu4ie]

@Tyler B #2 if you don’t want people to be rude to you about your religion, don’t be rude to others religion smh. so ignorant 🙄

[@caitlinhouse4919]

That one girl comes off like she thinks she's morally superior. You know who I'm talking about...

[@jessicavarnell1014]

Just because she thinks waiting til marriage is best, doesn’t mean she’s looking over everyone and judging them for doing to opposite, chill out🙄🙄

[@alkoholic3216]

Lmao because she’s waiting for marriage? Okay you’re offended lmao what’s your body count?

[@teehee5700]

@@alkoholic3216 one of the girls is literally a sexual abuse survivor and she said "everything happens for a reason" which is really rude and inconsiderate. she acted so superior compared to everybody else.

[@alkoholic3216]

@@teehee5700 ok that’s fucked up but I don’t see how saying that puts you above everyone. You’re probably right tho

[@teehee5700]

@@alkoholic3216 just the way she was talking made her seem like she thought she was above all else for not having sex until marriage. If you look at her body language and the way she speaks to the people who aren't virgins, its kinda weird.

[@mon_ster8367]

The muslim girl sounds so condescending like she thinks she’s better than the everyone else

[@15step]

By the way she’s constantly smiling and the way she reacts to people. She definitely thinks she is

[@deneciablake3192]

That the same thing I thought, it felt like she was judging everyone

[@fatimae.6225]

It’s funny because thinking you’re better than others is a sin and just uncomfortable to watch honestly

[@tracey8987]

Right like😒

[@michellec.7996]

As someone who used to be religious, the feelings of superiority are real. Its especially frustrating because those same people claim to be humble and understanding of others

[@HeavenTaylorWynn]

I’m sad that there weren’t more people who had overwhelmingly positive sexual experiences in this group.

[@yengsta]

Yessss same here! Wish they would've chosen 1 non-virgin with a positive 1st experience & view on it. Of course someone open minded & understanding enough.

[@EagleLeader1]

Maybe it's just a fluke, but in their defense I'm just thinking of all my friends' stories on their first times & I struggle to recall any of them being positive. So I personally have never met someone who ever said it was, even my most sex positive friends hated their first times.

[@bertasantisteve7364]

Exactlyyyy

[@Ascension1004]

I feel like they selectively choose certain people who fit a certain narrative

[@Peayou...]

No offense to anyone but I think sex definitely needs to be taken more serious. It's something very emotional

[@shadirazavi8347]

The asexual girl is so intelligent I love her

[@coolbeans5911]

ikr i wanna be friends with her she seems so cool😂

[@MomoHitsujiOwO]

Same!

[@noobslayer1337]

She says "like" a lot

[@thekoalakingdomshow6319]

@@noobslayer1337 yes that's a prominent feature of modern American English.

[@FLASCH1111]

@@coolbeans5911 please be friends with me @briflasch on ig :) thank you for your nice words!

[@hagitty]

Rahan reffering to virginity as "pure" is so depressing. You can tell she thinks she's so superior for it.

[@InkfightStudios]

She will most likely have a big wake up call in life.

[@yasmina1994]

and 2 billion other people.

[@StarrySoakedSkiess]

She IS superior.

[@amberhaynes9541]

I love the girl with the scrunchie, she is so articulate and warm.

[@izukumidoriya525]

She’s a psychology and theatre major im not even surprised 🤣

[@RainWalking]

Everything happens for a reason. Tell that to "Any" Rape victim. Or Anyone that has been through, or going through Trauma.

[@jutiajulia]

So messed up. Like, no thank you, a person would be completely fine without having being subjected to sexual assault in their life.

[@maplelu9514]

Yeah I feel like that is a Christian saying that everyone just freaking misuses. It’s just very annoying now

[@NotYouAgain28]

@@maplelu9514 the girl that said it is not even Christian.. I think this phrase is just conveniently used by people that want to invalidate other people’s experiences, or just don’t bother empathizing with the other person.. Edit: (grammar mistake)

[@tamarestherperezmedina]

🙄

[@RainWalking]

@@jutiajulia Exactly it is messed up. People say "Everything happens for a reason." . So they have an excuse for what happens. But do not want to be responsible for it.

[@Skykano]

Skyler is so realistic, so grounded and knows what he is talking abt I get his points

[@eldoubleb]

Ong Skylar cool

[@crown_resident]

much love 🤟

[@crown_resident]

@@eldoubleb appreciate it, not as cool as you

[@aditibisht22]

@@crown_resident heyyyyyyyy you're amazing!

[@aditibisht22]

@@crown_resident heyyyyyyyy you're amazing!

[@ohblobby]

This girl was vulnerable, and then this girl says 'everything happens for a reason.' Like are you kidding me?!

[@makeilyeader3451]

I feel like someone should check on keani she looks vacant inside I just want to hug her. Seems like she's got alot going on inside

[@StEpH741789]

same! I wanted to hug her as she spoke about her experience

[@navyamishra1481]

rahan is that high school girl who appears to be so sweet and polite but In actual is super mean.

[@ananyamishra364]

The one who’s passes passive aggressive comments

[@rockroyaltymc]

sounds like you two know her

[@kaanthedesperate]

@@rockroyaltymc facts People are so ready to judge anyone

[@rockroyaltymc]

@@kaanthedesperate so true

[@mannyescuela3511]

@@rockroyaltymc he’s just going off what she seems like lol

[@roussebidon]

"EvERyThInG DoEs HaPPeN FoR a ReASoN" 🙄

[@MiVidaBellisima]

This is why it’s hard for me to take religious people seriously sometimes.

[@fhiyos_2611]

Can I get a time stamp

[@alexandra_avr5055]

@@fhiyos_2611 6:18

[@gardenguster5271]

@Tyler B #2 so is religion

[@everythingisfine9988]

@@Zoe-gp1uj agreed, it was a dumbass comment

[@0hcyris]

I feel this for having asexual representation because honestly given the media, it's so easy to think people like me don't exist.

[@meanuwuhnia598]

the muslim girl’s vibes are off

[@lucylore234]

When she said 'everything happens for a reason' 🤮 wtf

[@bangton_bitch5913]

She is secretly there judging the non-virgings and even the virgins that are not going to lose it until marriage she still judging them because of their decision and choices.

[@vascor.3267]

Yup, makes me think of someone I know who's just really hypocritical and falsely nice

[@HouseMDaddict]

Well I think it's probably because she was only raised to see marriage as when her relationships happen. I'm guessing she probably went to a school tailored to that, and she just seemed like a person who has been sheltered from the world with only one view. Her answer to the consent question gives great insight to that.

[@meanuwuhnia598]

@@HouseMDaddict oh no, not just her beliefs.her general attitude seems like someone who hasn’t been exposed to the society.

[@natashar5769]

anyone else getting triggered with Rahan’s “yeah” anytime someone else is talking...

[@hope.0oo]

Or her constant laughs in the most inappropriate of times....

[@madelinep5344]

Or when she says “of course”

[@hope.0oo]

@Tyler B #2 uh... ok? 🥴

[@PiperWilson1]

@Tyler B #2 ur triggered snowflake❄️❄️❄️

[@joeshp3642]

Not rlly, I took it as if she was trying to stay engaged in the convo even if she couldn't relate.

[@Dovezlife]

I’m 21 and I’m still a virgin and tbvh I could give two shits, no one should ever feel pressured to have sex by society or by the people who surrounds them. Both women and men need to have full authority over their own bodies and have an understanding of what it means to have sex with someone, it’s a level of intimacy that leaves different impressions on different people. Just never let anyone take advantage of you and make sure that you are safe.

[@anonymouse7079]

and never take advantage of OTHERS and make sure others feel safe too if it's safe for you to do so :)

[@Dovezlife]

@@anonymouse7079 ofc that’s a given.

[@anonymouse7079]

@@Dovezlife some people dont know that though lol and most people only ever hear to "keep yourself safe" yenno? like the one person's mom said "well why'd you get in the care with him" for example..... when okay maaayyybe some people can make better decisions about their safety but a) the consequence shouldn't be so severe for a mistake (or for choosing one of the limited choices you have when they're ALL not great options), b)if the other person just knew NOT to do things without vonsent, MANY cases would never have happened (although not all.... it's like most people know murder or theft is bad but with rape there's often a grey area of like THINKING what you're doing is okay without knowing the harm you're causing), and c) only telling people to be safe puts the blame on the victim even if you didn't mean to because YOU think just not raping people is a given :) cuz not everyone does and like the video discusses, consent can be such a grey area that we should educate people more on it and also stress the importance of it in whatever form the partners choose to use it in in their case! I'm rambling lol but basically I feel it can't be said enough to just not rape people and to also look out for those around you IF you can safely 😅

[@anonymouse7079]

Sorry.... but ALSO YOUR MESSAGE IS GREAT IN EMPOWERING PEOPLE NOT TO EVER EVER FEEL LIKE SOCIAL PRESSURE GETS TO BOSS YOU AROUND, OWN YOUR DESIRES OR LACK THEIR OF AND DON'T LET ANYONE EVER EVER TELL YOU THAT VIRGINITY OR LACK THEREOF IS WRONG (If you've like made a pact with God them sure get help sticking with it if you want but when literally NO other sin is as publicly regulated as virginity, which is a private matter.... maybe it makes sense to be more forgiving and guide along the path you think is correct but let God do their job in the judgement departmemt?)

[@anonymouse7079]

This probably doesn't make sense lol, I'm exhausted and delirious 😅

[@litzypizarro5414]

"Everything happens for a reason" has been said to me so many times I didn't even realize she said it. Everyone reacted so respectfully because I would've started crying tbh.

[@hermes5275]

I don’t think the yellow girl is a bad person it’s just what she said is very tone deaf 😬

[@amazongreen7756]

She’s extremely uneducated

[@hermes5275]

@@user-op8fg3ny3j I totally get it cuz im Muslim too, what she said is probably influenced by culture

[@bornwithoutconsentobviously]

I agree. And now she's getting bashed as if she's pure evil.

[@chickenbaddie318]

@@bornwithoutconsentobviously ikr I’m so sad for her she seems so kind

[@esdeathshogun916]

@@bornwithoutconsentobviously honestly, it’s really sad to see.

[@maasaabaa349]

i am also muslim but the yellow girl is so annoying, 👎🏼👎🏼

[@googlename7943]

Why she's fun

[@ashwinnaidoo796]

Especially that comment of everything happening for a reason after the girl shared how she was sexually abused

[@googlename7943]

@@ashwinnaidoo796 that was insensitive. But I think what she was trying to say is that it's hard for other people to read non verbal cues so you have to say no outfront. And learn your worth.

[@Regina-lz4sj]

How? She's nice

[@googlename7943]

@Tyler B #2 most religions are

[@gracebarber4496]

“You don’t have to have sex to me intimate with someone!” Very well said!

[@GigaNietzsche]

Sex is inherently an intimate act dude. Casual sex hollows out the soul, the widespread depression mixed with porn addiction and attitudes of sex is proof of this.

[@liannapfister8255]

@@GigaNietzsche how are you disagreeing with OP?

[@GigaNietzsche]

@@liannapfister8255 maybe I was replying to someone else who previously deleted their comment but I don’t disagree.

[@randompotato6474]

@@GigaNietzsche that’s not what the comment was about? They’re saying that sex isn’t the only form of intimacy, not that it’s not intimate

[@GigaNietzsche]

@@randompotato6474 i would agree. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, etc. are all also intimate.

[@mofire5674]

If Rahan wasn't there the conversation would have been so much better. Seemed like her passive aggressive judgement made everyone really uncomfortable.

[@Angel-td9yk]

I cant believe Rahan said Vanessa was rxped for a reason... how messed up do u have to be??? Im glad she stood up for herself.

[@Angel-td9yk]

And in the next question she says "a relationship is not consent, your body your choice" I cannot w this girl

[@anujpramanik1819]

@@Angel-td9yk She's relating these sentences like "A relationship is not consent" and "your body, your choice" to what she previously, wrongly believed consent meant, I.e. marriage. She's saying the right thing here...

[@Angel-td9yk]

@@anujpramanik1819 a marriage is a relationship, yes? So marriage is not consent either. Your body your choice does not apply only when it’s convenient

[@anujpramanik1819]

@@Angel-td9yk That's what she said she understands now, that marriage does not equate consent and that it's your choice what you wish to do with your body even after marriage. I don't understand the point of 'convenience' here.

[@arshaqhabib1932]

Regret isn't rape, she could have left the relationship, based on what she said.

[@palesakatse1465]

Rahan is giving very strong "I'm morally superior" vibes. May we never revel in people's traumatic events to feel comfort or validation about the choices we made. May we acknowledge our experience while offering empathy to those who need it, those who experienced differently especially if their experiences were unpleasant for them.

[@coolbeans5911]

This was very well put, thank you!!!

[@Mooodyyhhh]

Yes exactly. She definitely thinks shes morally superior. And i bet when the girls were describing their assault she was thinking " thats what happens when youre sexually promiscuous"

[@reezis1619]

@@Mooodyyhhh She is morally superior, accept it and stop being so salty, it is an important life lesson. Learn to accept when someone is better than you, jealousy is not a good thing

[@Mooodyyhhh]

@@reezis1619 is this Sahar 🤣 she's not better than me or annoying. Seems like a morally inferior person to me if anything

[@reezis1619]

@@Mooodyyhhh U got slammed by bunch of bfs before marriage she waited. Waiting requires a lot of self control. She is better than you, accept your loss and move on buddy. Focus on something else and stop being salty.

[@dorisa3665]

The girl with blue hair throughout this entire thing and in general made some really good points that I personally agree with, and I love how she tried to broaden the conversations and perspective of other people.

[@marchetu9212]

I don't judge the woman in yellow because she is a virgin. I judge her because of the value she places on it. She sees it as a measure of purity and morality.

[@lovely1641]

nothing wrong with that. She's not hurting anyone

[@mushroomexpress3049]

theres nothing wrong with thinking that tho. forcing and judging people who didn't think that are wrong tho. same case with you who judge her views

[@yourscorpiosun]

@@lovely1641 her believes are quite misogynistic

[@lovely1641]

@@yourscorpiosun They're more old fashioned compared to current mainstream thinking but not really misogynistic

[@yourscorpiosun]

@@lovely1641 nah, they really are. purity culture is forced on women, not men. there is a huge difference