Christian Mingle: The Movie

Yup! This is a real full-length movie that was made by the dating site, Christian Mingle. My friend told me about this movie, so I sat down and watched the entire thing several times. Obviously, it's terrible, so I decided to make a video about it. Enjoy!
MY SOCIAL MEDIA
• / kurtisconner
• / kurtisconner
MY WEEKLY PODCAST
• open.spotify.c...
• itunes.apple.c...
MY PATREON - (early access, discord perks, & more!)
• / kurtisconner
MERCH
• www.bonfire.co...
FUNKY SPUNKY!!!

[@fletchergillespie3242]

This whole movie is shot like a medicine commercial

[@1-1-5-2]

at least medicine commercials have good lighting

[@chrismorris6865]

Damn, that's accurate.

[@zangyloveskawaii6003]

Love the pfp

[@holly205]

5:40

[@arie3147]

@@1-1-5-2 wtf i literally just said that sdjhd like word for word skdjsd

[@ameliaspell3726]

GRETCHEN, STOP TRYING TO MAKE A HUSBAND HAPPEN. IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

[@ComeToMyCupcakeParty]

Amelia Spell 😂👌🏾

[@lovemars9466]

😂💀 That was genius

[@grom8889]

I KNOW !!!!

[@kaleshabastion2332]

🙌

[@nabum73]

she wants to marry asap but waits a friking year :V

[@johnniesstorytime7837]

I love how even in movies written by and for Christians, the Christian characters are still insufferable bullies

[@hat7475]

why is this painfully truw

[@bethanychatman9531]

Very accurate and sad. Them being non self aware is they'll believe they're different than this.

[@randyjax09]

Haha that’s so true.

[@ethandollarhide7943]

Just like real life

[@Oldmenngh]

@@ethandollarhide7943 fr

[@emilysalinas9176]

"If God didn't give you a husband, you ain't getting a husband Gretch" LMAO

[@jawslyn4459]

*gun shots* Take THAT !

[@Gdig728]

“If god” *6 6 6 L I K E S*

[@madisonserbantez1920]

Emily Salinas 1000th like :)

[@emmacjobe]

Emily Salinas Plot twist: She gets a wife

[@madigable2125]

...And none for Gretchen Weiners BYE!

[@someamorplease]

So you’re telling me that Christian Mingle advertised themselves with a film about a woman LYING about being a Christian?? I see no flaws here.

[@wickeddodgeboys6603]

Liars lieing about lies. Truth

[@someamorplease]

WickedDodgeBoys Straight up bars bro

[@wickeddodgeboys6603]

@@someamorplease omw

[@user-yc8xw8bd5r]

The creators of Christian Mingle aren't even Christian, so the way they made the movie kind of makes since. They give off the impression that they are Christian so Christians will use their website, and the girl in the movie pretends to be a Christian so she can marry someone.

[@annulizbeth]

@@wickeddodgeboys6603 You sound like that dude from bestie picks bae . Sometimes I lie to pigeons

[@luxbulbis5471]

Rom-com? More like wrong-com.

[@cyrus2430]

that was a great joke i sincerely applaud you

[@luxbulbis5471]

@@cyrus2430

[@alejandrajorge2338]

This comment was recorded in front of a live audience (fake laughter)

[@bettyschneider5268]

@@alejandrajorge2338 Lol 😂

[@bettyschneider5268]

Good one! 🎭

[@lillianbetts8747]

“I’m terrible with time management” UMMMMMM Mr.Struggle?!!

[@rumu1240]

hella Mr.struggle vibes

[@wiltedspinachcat3472]

amazing comment

[@imeantloveyou5eva]

he needs to increase his interest in god to become more of a godly guy

[@thosesadbois5218]

Girl defined does not approve

[@highfivebianca]

that was the first thing i thought LOL

[@tatebarnett6804]

My mother is Christian and often invites Christian friends over. There's one particular couple who have no personality other than being Christian and my sister calls them the NPCs.

[@corahtheskeleton8062]

"No Personality Christians"?

[@iateconditoner]

@@corahtheskeleton8062LMAO

[@Roozyj]

Some people are just stereotypes like that and I don't know how it happens xD I mean, I suppose if I get to know them a little better, there's more to them, but I remember meeting two Metalheads™, a handyman™ and a creative chick ™. I can imagine these Christian people are the same, but Christian™

[@guydude439]

As a Catholic, I can confirm that I am actually an NPC and I literally only exist to be a background character in a church congregation in movies

[@QDecision86]

This is true, all happily married Christian couples have no passions besides our lord and savior Jesus Christ

[@michaelio6548]

Why didn't Gwyneth just... say she was recently converted instead of pretending that she was christian before

[@audreycoleman7313]

Because the company couldn't milk the rest of the 1hour 30mins out of the viewers bc the entire plot would crumble :(

[@sourpatchkids351]

why use a christian dating app when you’re not christian? is christian mingle the only dating app in their world?

[@michaelio6548]

@@sourpatchkids351 I think you cracked the case. This is a dystopian universe where all other dating apps have been eradicated and we never noticed it, right under our noses. (Love the neiru pfp btw)

[@sourpatchkids351]

@@michaelio6548 haha thanks! the show lowkey fell apart at the end, but i still have a soft spot in my heart for it and it’s characters :)

[@wilfulbuckle13]

Isn't lying bad though?

[@mackenzie6810]

This movie is the definition of “I want a church girl that go to church and read her bible”

[@falsehoodintensifies445]

RIP vine

[@a1rb0rn3tkd9]

I love how this comment has 666 likes 😆💀

[@brucebrewster5767]

@@a1rb0rn3tkd9 how did it get almost 200 likes in 2 weeks??

[@imeantloveyou5eva]

genius comment

[@Lovinia1]

An REEEEd heR bIBllE

[@seigeengine]

"I just want to meet a guy who will look at me for ten seconds and smile." Wow, setting the bar high there aren't we?

[@ServingOthers99]

I was thinking the same thing, like she should've been more realistic. Like, 6 seconds and a smirk

[@Ooffoop]

That would just get creepy some dude staring at you for 10 seconds straight and just smiling

[@saffiyasmith1816]

Realistically based on what she settled for, in her world, it would have been: I just want ta guy to being so boring that I have no chemistry with them.

[@seigeengine]

I mean, not being boring doesn't mean you'll have chemistry with them.

[@saffiyasmith1816]

@@seigeengine My comment meant, that he was soo boring that she couldn't have chemistry with him even if she wanted to.

[@oneofthechampagnes5482]

I thought my standards were low in highschool but this grown woman's standards are "look me in the eyes for 10 seconds and smile" 😂

[@mellow_mallow]

I really wanted Kurtis to cut from that line to him just staring at the camera for 10 seconds before smiling because wow 10 seconds feels a lot longer than it sounds in practice

[@Sky-bx9mn]

Plot twist: Gretchen is actually a camera in human form

[@ekinersoy3002]

Lmao this reminded me Kurtis' Twisted Pair video where in the beginning Neil Breen looks into the camera for a while then suddenly smiles. It's official now, Neil Breen is the standard.

[@prussianmaple]

spanish is my first language and i have just two comments about it a) i had to listen like 4 times to understand what that lady said b) she literally said "consider yourselves lucky that you got tested by god" girl my village 😭😭

[@temtem8110]

Imagine telling a child whose life was destroyed that she’s a lucky one. AND WITH THAT VOICE. What a great message, Christian Mingle, with a dash of sociopathy and entitlement ✨👌

[@lunadoodles8810]

oh wow spanish is also my first language and i had actually thought she was saying nonsense

[@emma-di5ly]

That's just... wow

[@ceci7783]

what the FUCK

[@williamshookspear9584]

Savage

[@sophieheritage478]

I didn’t realise this was only released in 2014. This legitimately seems like something from 2004.

[@junjunjamore7735]

Was there Christian Mingle back in '04?

[@sophieheritage478]

Junjun Jamore good question

[@furfoxsake1175]

@@junjunjamore7735 Apparently yes, Wikipedia article on it says it was launched in 2001.

[@cottoncandy2023]

😂

[@wouldntyouliketoknowweathe5465]

That’s Christian media for you

[@zannchristo]

Dear people saying her Spanish sounds like someone summoning Satan: Please stop, Satan is scared of whatever language she's speaking

[@satan4961]

Hell yeah. As Satan herself, I was scared when she was talking.

[@paris5410]

@Satan aww, poor you. Have a hug.

[@paris5410]

Satan speaks all languages really well also apparently.

[@pyrodynamics75]

@@satan4961 Hell yeah indeed

[@jungsushi6447]

@@satan4961 please stop giving me bad luck

[@cruleo]

As a latino, I can guarantee you miss Kelly over there was genuinely speaking incomprehensible gibberish

[@ariannamorie2020]

Yes I was like qué

[@ladykynthos]

I mean, se entiende si lo reproduces varias veces, pero no sis, qué haces 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀. Suena peor que yo hablando alemán xd

[@shani21420]

She was definitely casting a spell💀, but I think she said “Hermanos míos, considérense muy dischosos(???) cuando tienen que enfrentarse con diversas pruebas.” And yes I know I’m late af I’m 4 years late.

[@eggs8021]

​@@shani21420 comment is only 3 months old no prob bro

[@adinarosenstein9586]

@@shani21420 I unfortunately don't speak Spanish- what's that in English?

[@Pingyliskus]

There’s Hollywood, there’s Bollywood. Now let me introduce you to Holywood.

[@angelaozz]

criminally underrated comment😔

[@so_pew_all4672]

Where is holywood though?

[@yakialva3249]

Looooooool

[@XxcharkittyxX]

Dont forget Nollywood

[@papaya3642]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👌🏽

[@RespectedGamer72]

That "Spanish" sounded like someone trying to speak Italian in the most nasally French accent they could do

[@helmutschmidt84]

And having a stroke at the same time

[@midelcitizenright8141]

And having a heart attack at the same time

[@Rrougenoir]

That didn't even sound a bit Italian, not even the accent bruh

[@elenaAa1709]

@@Rrougenoir exactly 🤣

[@avocado8137]

And dieing at the same time

[@hellolamby]

“Husband for you, husband for you, husband for you... And none for Gretchen Weiners.” Brilliant.

[@chxrryskiess6586]

hellolamby *bYee*

[@m00n14y]

4 for you Glen Coco, you go Glen Coco!

[@_emory]

Imagine being a Christian and breaking up with a girl for not being Christian enough on a missionary trip Instead of helping her become Christian enough

[@kittysharpe5269]

Welcome to Christianity

[@SamRK-1000]

Fucking real, it’s obvious this Christian dating site is made by a bunch of westboro Baptist types.

[@TheQuashingoftheTub]

I mean if a guy is that suffocatingly christian, I'd rather he dump me than shove his religion down my esophagus. -my christian ass?

[@abigaildelaney7653]

Husband for you, husband for you, husband for you... *and none for Gretchen Wieners, bye* I’m crying.

[@cenedra20]

+

[@jessicahymow1410]

3 husbands for Glen Coco, you go Glen Coco.

[@Hailey-qv6ee]

I legitimately choked on my cake I was laughing so hard I cried

[@evie37509]

I subscribed for this joke

[@dottyContrarian]

@@jessicahymow1410 *I thought it was four..*

[@lunamarie1472]

Hahahaha omg i don’t speak english natively and when he said “dating sites where christians can meet other christians” I didn’t think of the religion I thought some guys named Christian were too extra to date any other people than fellow Christians and I didn’t even question it lmaooo

[@almightybeanchild]

Bahahaha underrated comment

[@sillygooseenergy]

😂😂😂

[@linguisticsnerd433]

Now that you mention it, guys named Christian maybe truly are too much to date

[@overthinker5805]

Nah man get me a mans named Muslim or sommit

[@brilianairlangga1408]

@@overthinker5805 i have a friend who named Muslim

[@7907-u8h]

Spanish is my second language. I have no idea what language that lady is speaking. Sounds like she's summoning Satan.

[@yaage28]

I never comment on youtube videos but your comment has exactly 666 likes and that made my day - you summoned the devil toooo 😱

[@omarsaucedo8430]

spanish is my first language and i thought that lady was speaking latin or italian

[@FuriedHearts]

Wait. Are you saying she literally spoke Spanish jibberish? Wtf.... It's not that difficult to learn ONE line in the actual language. Lazy and stupid

[@omarsaucedo8430]

@@FuriedHearts that line sounds like she was told to google translate her line word by word and then just read it without a care about spanish phonetics.

[@sofiamoreno8359]

"Hermanos míos. Considérenese muy dichosos cuando tengan que enfrentarse a otros pueblos"... (?) Is my closest guess

[@neuteredmedic2077]

as someone raised christian: the most unbelievable thing is that they were mad she wasnt already "fully christian" like when someone even HINTS that they might like to get into it its like sharks to water they would be all about getting her fully converted

[@clairee527]

oh no, that part is VERY realistic. the whole "youre not enough of a christian" is extremely prevalent, as is claiming any christian they dont like as "not a true christian"

[@hat7475]

@@clairee527 i feel thats true. because while my family dont speak much about religioun (but my mom is still quite _really_ religious), i have struggled ALOT internally on about being 'not christian enough'which doesn't help when im also a young lgbtq child

[@hahstudios2753]

@@hat7475I know this is a super old comment but I hope you’re doing better now

[@peachymoon2400]

17:03 As a Spanish speaker, it literally took me a hot few seconds to realise she was speaking Spanish and not Minecraft Enchantment Table

[@sleepylilwolf1749]

i was also hella confused at first also cool Minecraft reference

[@valeriamendiburuvillalpand7501]

I'm Mexican and I couldn't understand a thing she was saying

[@jammyintears]

She really went off with the *enunciation*

[@jane_wants_to_feel]

i don't speak spanish, but i've got relatives who do and that does not sound like spanish...

[@vitowidjojo7038]

This is equivalent of people speaking gibberish and make it sounds like Chinese.

[@jinenji]

you didn’t include the horrible part when a kid comes up to her in MEXICO, speaking spanish, and she tells him to speak english. this movie was so awful

[@kgot8943]

Christianity - bringing the White Savior Complex©®™ to a place near you since the first Crusade

[@kalesheonn8366]

Isn’t that the part at the end in her, ya know, English class? Isn’t that how it works in foreign language classes?

[@Lo-me2hd]

Perry Young How is this relevant?

[@Red-jl1qr]

@Sage Markham Not all Americans are awful????? Also it's a movie???????????

[@Red-jl1qr]

@Sage Markham I wouldn't say it's America, but it's whatever area you were in

[@freyaallan3267]

“if god didn’t give you a husband, you ain’t getting a husband”

[@swine13]

What if God didn't give me a BJ??

[@TheNoobler]

@@swine13 tHeN yOu AiNt GeTtIn OnE.

[@Sofoufogojfof]

FIRRREEE

[@alaynaallen3044]

AW YEAH! HELLS YEAH! U HEAR THAT PPLS? IM GETTING ME A WIFEY🥳🥳🥳

[@sophiazoe4340]

@@swine13 - Kurtis Conner

[@ayshaneaviles5671]

kelly basically told the kids that they should be happy when confronted with challenges which is 100x worse than not knowing the bible by heart 💀💀💀💀

[@Blueeyesinthesky]

It would’ve made more sense if she was like working in marketing and has to market the app. She gets the idea to try it herself to come up with a pitch and ends up actually meeting a great guy falling in love and eventually becoming a Christian. This gives her a reason to actually use the app and stuff.

[@cadalihoe8035]

Girl YOU should’ve directed the movie 😭

[@muhdiskandar02]

That would be “Mingle all the way” except its not about Christianity

[@picklespeas9623]

Thats literally mingle all the way 😂😂

[@themonecollective]

Not you creating a better plot than the movie hahahah

[@lectiocultura5599]

Dude, idk but u just did the writer's work in a single comment and actually made it so much better

[@classicxlolita]

“I want a man who wears plaid shirts, force feeds me cookies, and makes me wanna throw up watching him eat new foods. Bonus if he only loves me if I’m Christian enough.”

[@Kijinn]

"Bonus if he only loves me if I’m Christian enough.” I didn't see any "love" there. That was a man desperate to find someone else to fuck/abuse after the previous woman ran off. How would he actually love her, considering he hasn't seen or cared for her in a year?

[@Mikasacusfan]

@@Kijinn like he literally only came back to her when the other girl was gone. Honestly it's kinda creepy. She's desperate out of loneliness and is obviously dealing with some mental health problems like how she has a mental breakdown when he rejects her. And he knows this and toys around with her, even getting her to stop working and go to Mexico with him where his ex and mom can bully her. He plays around with her emotions again and again and stands her up multiple times only to come back to her when he has no other choice. It's sick.

[@Kijinn]

@@Mikasacusfan Yes, this really only seems to have the formula for making women obedient to abusive men, under the guise of "God demands it." All the movie does is to emphasize why relationships based on religious ties *aren't* the smart choice. Sadly, relationships outside of that frequently suffer due to modern civilizations lacking emotional stability. We're just on the brink of discovering how to consciously deal with our subconsciousness. It's not something that ordinary parents or school know how to teach.

[@coolbeans2345]

@@Kijinn read running on empty by janice webb

[@k8lyn76]

"Christian Mingle? You're better off being CHRIstiaN SiNgLE"

[@liamfelhorn6841]

Chrinsnle

[@KikiChan_007]

A little Christian Pringle

[@njblackbird3148]

Chris Kringle

[@farateq]

Naomij Davies jingle jangle hey kris kringle got ice in his veins for a reason-

[@cowlass6159]

No joke I got an AD for a dating app called Upward for Christian Singles. So like.... Can't even have a Christian Single now.

[@charlottemartyr]

I think the cookies keep coming up as a kinda weird and unsubtle way to reinforce that she’s changing and becoming a “better, more humble, and more obedient Christian girl” bc this is 100% the kind of thing they’d do to me when I lived with my ultra-religious family; they try to force you to change small things so your primed to change bigger things. Like she changes her religion, her job, her eating habits, her interests, even stops eating and speaking SpOoKy FoRiEgN sTuFf oooo meanwhile wonderbread gets to tell her to fuck off twice, change nothing about the way he acts or thinks, and gets to waltz in and be her husband anyway Like it never says why she doesn’t eat cookies but it’s kinda implied “oh, she’s a worldly city girl who wears the pants in her life. She eats sushi and not cookies bc she’s vain and *multicultural* oooo scary” so instead of being like “yeah mr mayo is too different from me we’re not a good couple” she forced herself to change to be the kind of girl he likes bc she’s so desperate and really, /wouldn’t she be more happy as a married Christian girl who’s subservient and obedient to her husband?/ My folks tried to do the same thing with me and instead I moved out, spent 5 years working on my own life and casually meeting people before finding someone who ACTUALLY understood and liked me that I ACTUALLY wanted to spend my life with lol

[@muneebafarrukh7034]

I'm so happy for you

[@lydia-gi8gw]

*”goodbye burn book, hello good book”*

[@jade747]

Make it a shirt

[@aabatterypac3389]

Lydia wyd

[@lydia-gi8gw]

allie heckman supporting my father

[@reneewetsel875]

"See them? I think they're on a Tinder date." "Wow, that's gotta be so awkward." "Thank God we used *cHriStiAn MiNgLe"*

[@ley8443]

*insert cheesy ad music*

[@lillianbetts8747]

That was my immediate thought when I saw this video 😂❤️

[@realrandoms1013]

That vine got them more clout than this movie

[@ollieshark]

My grandma unironically forced me to watch this after i dyed my hair blue because i need a nice, moral christian husband to set me on the blonde path to heaven.

[@seigeengine]

So get yourself an atheist wife to set you on the blue path to hell.

[@Trustinss]

seigeengine hell yah

[@annadean387]

Well you don’t want to be the last one standing do you?

[@leolarsson8749]

@@tabstrash7166 funny joke

[@lilweedsea]

That sounds really fake tbh

[@MedicFromTF2_REAL]

They could've had a dating montage if she tried other dating apps first that weren't working out and it would've made me story better and still satisfy the brand

[@farateq]

gretchen: **has not memorised the bible by heart** everyone: that isn't very fetch of you

[@broattab9807]

Lol

[@babyvision6948]

Gretchen signing up forChristian mingle: Me:she doesn’t even go here (This made more sense in my head)

[@iliketoeatbatteries8122]

Stop trying to make fetch happen Fara

[@averymoran6512]

Omg wait That’s iconic I had to wait to catch my breath tbh

[@xensbooknook]

Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch a thing. It’s not gonna haplen

[@melanierose5077]

"If god didn't give you a husband, you ain't getting a husband" literally made me CACKLE

[@miabryan7986]

This is my favorite Kurtis joke honestly

[@StaleWildberryPoptart]

whoa you are very pretty

[@daikonlegs2726]

@@miabryan7986 what about why 2 k?

[@muhilan8540]

@@miabryan7986 i don’t get the joke

[@boomelio4477]

@@StaleWildberryPoptart SIMP

[@ultimateempress1739]

All she had to do was say she was a fresh convert and didn’t know much about the bible.

[@NurseInTraining]

John Doe Ding ding!

[@sorayaalcyone2726]

That's what I thought. But I'm Jewish so I didn't know if that was a bad thing...?

[@ultimateempress1739]

Soraya Alcyone: If what was a bad thing. Pretending to believe the same god to get with a guy? Speaking From a christian perspective, this movie is terrible. The girl is stupid for wanting to date a christian man. When we date, we don’t date for sex. we court. We are testing for marriage, because we can’t sleep with boyfriends or girlfriends until we marry. Sex is half the reason secular people form romantic relationships. So the only way the girl was going to get to have sex with a christian man was if she married him, which would mean keeping up the facade forever. Why would she want a christian boyfriend??? The guy is stupid for accepting her after her lie just because she claimed to have changed. You become a christian for yourself and god, not because you like some guy and want to become part of his culture. I assume for most european jews it’s more a cultural thing, but I think in more religious jewish communities they would think the same thing. if I were him, I would have waited several years to know that she meant it and wasn’t just trying to smooz me for the D. It’s just such a terrible “christian” film. They are both stupid characters and the christians are such stupid, boring stereotypes KILL IT!

[@mankoakua8162]

@@sorayaalcyone2726 it's not a bad thing.

[@xjohntheone]

@John Doe it's facts tho. One of the main reasons most people date is for sex, but Christian's arent allowed to have sex before marriage because of what the Bible says, so if a girl wants to have sex then it makes no sense to go after a Christian boyfriend since he wont give it to her. Nothing condescending, she was just saying how it is🤷‍♂️ You may think the guy was an ass, but if you found out someone lied to you for months and faked a whole persona just to get with you, you would probably leave them too.. and funny enough guys do this to girls all the time and they get called trash and fboys (which they are, don't get me wrong), but for some reason when a girl does it, nobody has a problem😂 all in all tho, even if the case was that she didnt lie, ion think it's an issue that he doesnt want to date someone who doesnt believe what he believes because that's a pretty fundamental part of someone's lifestyle, and quite frankly, you're allowed to set any standard you want when it comes to dating a partner because you have that freedom to choose who you want to choose 🤷‍♂️

[@nerdklutz]

17:02 as a latino, i dont know if i should laugh or genuinely be concerned that not even one person that spoke Spanish was on their production team

[@anxietyatitsfinest286]

Kelly: speaks ‘Spanish’ The demon she summoned: h e l o

[@RED-B-BEAR]

Ironic

[@mikaroni_and_cheez]

Also iconic

[@farateq]

“hey kelly”

[@layla7244]

Omg it has 666 likes hahaha

[@2megna]

h o l a

[@lcslndmt]

Ah yes, a date scene where the love interest chews on a sushi for 40 seconds straight, how romantic.

[@Rosecloudlyrics]

😂

[@inkystars19]

Paired with a glass of awkward silence

[@pisscvre69]

I'd walk the fuck out of there like really white boi? its just rice fish and a few other things it's really not that dif from stuff you'd already eat all the time even if your a narrow minded white boi, besides sushi is great its one of my fav things and if you dont like it just say so or at least swallow it quickly instead of making a show of how you don't like it making alll those faces for like 5 minutes Of course i wouldnt date somone like him in the first place tho even if i wasnt lesbain LOL

[@bushdenae]

I feel like the joke was supposed to be sushi=nasty

[@three7446]

I’m not even Japanese but his reaction to not American food was offensive even to me like dude was so dramatic. It’s raw fish no need to be a diva

[@yalikejazzzx3657]

Why would she use Christian mingle if she’s not Christian? There are so many other dating sites, yet she uses the one meant for a religion she knows nothing about. Makes perfect sense.

[@princessofstars666]

Yeah I don't understand why they didnt use a Christian protagonist

[@remya7373]

@@princessofstars666 where would the driving conflict be then

[@princessofstars666]

@@remya7373 i don't know they could have just written a better conflict and a better movie?

[@jazzymouse3006]

It's established that's she's dumb

[@remya7373]

@@princessofstars666 you expect too much from Christian mingle

[@husyay1008]

I can't believe they put a movie in this ad, unbelievable

[@kirikakirikakirika]

I thought this movie was implying she's an atheist and she eventually "sees the light" by hanging around a bunch of good Christian people who teach her the virtues of belief. But no. She's not an atheist at all. From the get-go we see that she believes in God. She acknowledges him, talks to him, prays to him. So you hit the nail on the head. She's just not Christian _enough,_ I guess. That family sucked.

[@MissCaraMint]

Yes it’s a movie about shaming Christians who these people don’t consider Christian enough. That’s it. Abandon your entire identity and the idea of a personal relationship with God, and replace it with performative nonsense and a judgemental attitude.

[@leoultimaupgraded9914]

@@MissCaraMint makes sense given the people who made the movie weren’t even Christians, not to say they should have been but it explains a lot.

[@whichcache2517]

Not really. The movie’s just badly written. She talks with her friends and co-worker earlier on in the movie about how she’s not really a Christian (like agnostic or something), but still decides to date someone under the pretense that she is one. It’d be like if someone really were to go on Farmer’s Only, you dated someone who thought you were a farmer, you pretended to be a farmer so that you wouldn’t get broken up with, and then the farmer breaks up with you for lying to them for a month.

[@hat7475]

@@whichcache2517 omg,, theres a farmers month, 👁👁

[@whichcache2517]

@@hat7475 There’s dating sites for everyone. There was even one for bronies, although I think that was a scam or something.

[@loglogic7846]

Nobody going to talk about how 80% of Mexico is already Christian, teaching Christianity in Mexico is like teaching a professor how to read.

[@arantzawen2481]

soooo true like all of my family are catholic

[@possum2203]

To be fair, being christian and being catholic are different things. In Mexico we are mostly catholic

[@loglogic7846]

@@possum2203 No? Catholocism is a dominion of Christianity. I'm a Mexican Catholic myself. If Christian mingle is protestant they'll have no luck in Latin America.

[@possum2203]

@@loglogic7846 Oh really? I didn't know that. I'm also mexican catholic but I haven't met that many christians and even then we don't really talk about religion. I was once told that one of the differences was that we catholics believe in saints and virgins as deities and christians don't but I'm not really sure now

[@isabelbelem9062]

@@loglogic7846 Here in Brazil maybe

[@natanderson19]

yes longer video = more kurtistown

[@fionahegarty1828]

natalie anderson yassss nat getting those likes

[@operaismyreligion]

duolingo should make a movie where a woman is converted to learning spanish on duolingo, and it should feature MULTIPLE duolingo lesson montages, and the one of the conflicts has to be that she loses her streak

[@zeducator99]

Man, Mayonase is bad at time management? Watch out Gretchen, you've got a Mr. Struggle on your hands.

[@domin-ho]

LMAO, do you watch Mr. Atheist?

[@federicacucchetti3792]

AND HE WATCHES PORN?!?!

[@useroffline9999]

I legit stan you for that Mr Atheist reference, my friend

[@sophieh3862]

Claire Rochford oh my god this is the best comment

[@ilsadavis2639]

oh my god---

[@unhingedfrogspawn6715]

I just can't believe they showed premarital kissing smd(daggum)h

[@mikaroni_and_cheez]

Premarital eye contact as well

[@azyo8803]

Premarital existence is disgusting smh

[@lvbboi9]

@Hollow Cup dont say that word you filfth

[@sophieschroer42]

girl defined would disapprove

[@lvbboi9]

@@sophieschroer42 smh

[@melodyhaviland9393]

I WANNA CHURCH GIRL THAT GO TO CHURCH AND READ HER BIBLEEEEEEEE

[@taragabrielle4679]

Lmao

[@cole6921]

jane haviland didn’t laugh

[@yaffa8189]

Legendary reference

[@naomishukurani3155]

jane haviland I literally had to sing it 😂😂

[@somebodyfaraway]

*_BbiiIIibLeeE_*

[@BrendanMcGinley]

GF came in and started watching this with me, and her instant reaction to the sushi scene was "That guy's not going to go down on her."

[@felathar1985]

Oh god... Hahahaha

[@micky_knuckles]

JESUS 🤣

[@penguin974]

17:03 that is not Spanish, that is Satan trying to talk in Mandarin, because is imposible to understand, even for me, and spanish is my firts language

[@tsuki_avocado]

Dice "hermanos míos considerense muy dichosos cuando tienen que enfrentarse con diversas pruebas" 😂😂 lo he tenido que ver 6 veces para entenderlo

[@firstnamelastname396]

No cap I read this comment thinking you exaggerated, but I can Confirm you did not.

[@penguin974]

@@tsuki_avocado ho por dios ya lo entendia, gracias

[@isabelashephard5484]

penguin LOLLLL

[@annafjerstad1088]

im learning spanish and i couldnt understand shit about what she said, i now have hope in myself lmao

[@mirceag.7706]

omg, I first thought that "Christian Mingle" was the name of the main character

[@thatweirdo5048]

Same I feel like I could met someone named that

[@evankitch269]

Christian Mengele

[@ganesank4533]

"Mr.mingle will see you now"

[@monserratponce3965]

That'd be a great drag name "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, CHRISTIAN MINGLEEEEEE"

[@ganesank4533]

@@monserratponce3965idk why but I thought of miss crystal el debarge methyd when you said that

[@eldaberrys]

im a fluent spanish speaker and i literally could not understand a word r kelly was saying ,,

[@fabsmg219]

e l d a “hermanos mios. Consideranse muy dichosos cuando tengan que enfrentarse con diversas pruebas”

[@nat2002]

@@fabsmg219 wait really??? She had the balls to tell kids whose village was destroyed to be happy about it????

[@ibrahinmenriquez3108]

Yo lo he hablado toda mi vida y tuve que verlo 3 veces jaja

[@yvetterosales8986]

Yeah I almost had a stroke trying to figure out what she was saying

[@al-cs9fe]

e l d a I didn’t even try to go back and figure out what she was trying to say because I knew it would take forever

[@luciapesce9015]

It took me a couple tries, but that girl said "My brothers, consider yourselves happy when you have to face various trials," which you don't say to a little girl whose entire home was destroyed lol basically told her "just smile, no biggie" lol

[@emilyf6460]

Directed by: Girl Defined

[@macoy3943]

ENN F Girl defined would never have the love interest have pre marital sex

[@bob_seger]

@Elliot Rodger the bald legend 😤

[@scarletjester8446]

@Elliot Rodger For real?

[@fancyoil216]

She would never. Wonder bread is way too much of a mr. struggle

[@claire1489]

whoa whoa pre-marital kissing???

[@megganjary4066]

“Ultimately leaves the date to go touch another girls BACK”

[@vonbauer1417]

Meggan Jary yEe yEe

[@beautyandtheoffbeats]

You're pretty, I like your aesthetic.

[@megganjary4066]

beautyandtheoffbeats aww thank you so much

[@gnome5057]

GAWD A BABY WITH NO TEETH COULD EAT A ROCK FASTER THAN THAT GUY EATING SUSHI

[@laural2924]

How big is the rock?

[@fancyoil216]

I ate sushi once when I was an awkward 11 year old and I *hated* it but I didn’t want to be rude so I just sat there about to throw up until I finally managed to swallow it. I was in actual tears because it hurt so bad. And it took much longer for me to swallow it then him lol.

[@gnome5057]

@@fancyoil216 that's sure was a story

[@gnome5057]

@@laural2924 a rock you would be able to pick up but it's quite heavy

[@laural2924]

@@gnome5057 oh ok. Makes sense. Thanks for clarifying

[@joy_http]

The saddest part of this entire thing is that this was directed by the guy who played the dad in Psych and my soul is crushed.

[@afoolishman]

IN PSYCH? THE DETECTIVE SHOW WITH GUS AND SHAWN??? I’m going to jump off a roof that’s so omfg I can’t ever watch it the same again no omfg

[@daydream5120]

I can’t look at him the same way ever again

[@StupidBirdChannel]

Was scrolling the heck out of this comment section to see if I was the only one to notice! Thanks ffs, was litteraly rewatching the show just before watching this vid and was stuned by this!

[@SarahLaffey]

I KNOW THAT MESSED ME UP

[@apmessner]

He also played Arnie on LA Law and Dorn in Major League! (I’m old)

[@jfk2622]

*If God didn't give you a husband, you ain't gettin' a husband Gretch*

[@pettymajesty]

{BabyKuwonu} ayy prettymuch!

[@myrna2660]

LMAO

[@rust44]

God is a woman

[@jfk2622]

@@pettymajesty ayyy

[@rhilxn.2037]

@@rust44 yes. *Just yes* . . .

[@sluggirl655]

goodbye burn book hello *gOOD boOk*

[@Beejuice.08]

And dont forget the top tier of books- AAs BIG BOOK

[@aaliyahlashaun5773]

watch out minghao's judging that was a good moment

[@Evija3000]

That wasn't Spanish, she was performing an exorcism on the girl for asking that question.

[@catalinadiaz7235]

Evija3000 amen hermana, i mean eirrmana

[@Monica-fm9xr]

I literally couldn't understand a thing and I'm Hispanic

[@noodlepoodle3582]

Mon F. Same

[@zipop7880]

Where was the trademarked Bob Larson Bible Slap for the exorcism

[@samviolet]

Yeah I speak Spanish and I didn't understand any of it. Sounded like weird Latin lol

[@electriz6726]

I physically cannot believe that Corbin Bernsen actually wrote this, that is genuinely hilarious considering that all of his other films and shows are the farthest from a good Christian cinema as possible 😂

[@StupidBirdChannel]

I just know him for beeing the dad in Psych ans was kinda feeling weird about that fact xD

[@svftmgc]

he’s wearing a flannel shirt. sorry gretchen but you’re dating a lesbian, i don’t make the rules.

[@yoishiu]

come on, thats giving him too much credit

[@lunabonae7290]

Is that Isak I see

[@MoOveOver_plz]

Or a lumberjack, you never know

[@carmenq7339]

rude

[@kokichiioumaa6520]

@@carmenq7339 What 😂

[@vlo4829]

To make it more realistic for an atheist to be on Christian Mingle, since we already knew she was desperate, she should have signed up for like 10 different dating sites including Christian Mingle to show she just wants to cast her net wide. Then they could have shown a montage of her on bad dates from the OTHER sites (so Christian Mingle doesn't look bad) and finally checking her match on Christian Mingle and deciding to go on the date as a sort of... Hail Mary, if you will. Then, after liking her date with the guy from Christian Mingle (changes would need to be made to actually make that look like a GOOD date. lol), she would go on to pursue him.

[@federicacucchetti3792]

you wrote a better plot than our guy Corbin Bernsen, dude. i love it

[@lemonmuffin2656]

An atheist would most likely not look at Christian mingle to find love lol

[@tamirahgrant2959]

That sounds better than I whatever that was. I would watch that

[@plastic.spoons]

She’s not an atheist, she prays and references God way before she joins the site.

[@leopardwing9763]

Make her an atheist then

[@Shelbunny]

when he’s eating the sushi...... the eating sounds..... don’t add up.....?

[@peachypeachworth3974]

Shelby Hopkins omg I bet he like refused to actually put it in his mouth 😂😂😂 sushi was waaay too exotic for mayo white bread!

[@leedraconis5793]

Shelby Hopkins sis it dont add up

[@audrianagonzalez3745]

I like to re-watch Kurtis’s old videos (it’s 2023 now) and it’s crazy how his voice changed. Men really do have 2 puberty’s.

[@charlee1953]

IK i was just thinking that 😭

[@lynnpayne1136]

My mom was catfished on Christian Mingle

[@lauraarcetobon909]

i’m so sorry for laughing omfg that’s so ironic ejnckdmc

[@idancepointe12]

Lynn Payne my mom met her fifth husband on Christian mingle. He was a catholic cocaine dealer. Seriously. (They’re divorced now).

[@computer_juice]

idancepointe12 fifth husband holy shit

[@idancepointe12]

Aleia lol yeah I know very “Christian” right?

[@Lauren-hq8uf]

there's a sequel called Christmas mingle, PLEASE review it

[@ladymaiden2308]

I want to believe that you are trying to help. I need to believe this. LOL.

[@cheesecakelasagna]

LMAO is this for real

[@amatsukiko]

But... why?

[@amatsukiko]

Why is there a sequel Literally good god

[@LavenderOrc]

Wait I’m tripping.... isn’t that the name of this movie? Why does the sequel have the same name

[@MrNoob-xo5uz]

They really pushed all the stereo-types, "Just make everyone vanilla, awkward, cliquey, and polite."

[@frogfellow8773]

@@shadow4040 So being white Is one of the attributes needed to be as less human as possible?

[@frogfellow8773]

@@shadow4040 oh sorry, I misunderstood. I thought you were saying that the list of attributes that the other guy gave equaled a non human entity, but I clearly misunderstood. Sorry again.

[@sofiah1174]

That lady was straight up speaking in tongues that was NOT Spanish lmaooo

[@msthecommentator2863]

Holy crap, I actually got an ad for Christian Mingle during this video, and I thought it was just a really long clip of the movie that went way off tangent.

[@jayda1406]

DUDE SAME

[@superstellarhere]

HAHAHAHAH

[@purpleraider8105]

Love your profile picture

[@silverserval8499]

How the turntables…

[@straightupanarg6226]

My very favorite part of targetted advertising is when you watch a video tearing the shit out of something, and get an ad for that very thing. During the video tearing it apart.

[@eliana4976]

Uhm... “a brand can’t make a movie about themselves with a good plot” the LEGO movie if a ciNiMaTiC mAsTeRpiEcE

[@mattnelson2539]

Eliana Brenden honestly you’re not wrong like at all

[@ArtisticallySpoken]

Everything was awesome

[@snazzy9175]

You're right and you should say it

[@SomethingProductions420]

And the LEGO Batman Movie

[@jupiteryu7318]

The LEGO movie is legendary

[@oregan0]

*"And as a future bald man, that offends me."* -Kurtis Conner

[@kawajirikosaku2148]

The chewing noises in the sushi restaurant scene were so aggravating

[@kurtisconner]

FUNKY SPUNKY!!!! Let me know if you want to see more videos like this!

[@murranabbott3226]

Kurtis Conner yee yee

[@emmahakkakzadeh8064]

Yeah this was funny :)

[@nataliecanida3516]

yee yee

[@redlipsthick]

hell yeah dude

[@gianna8110]

Yes pleasssssse

[@pancitchloride668]

No one: Not a single soul: Gretchen: *funky spunky*

[@seaopal]

gretchen wants a taste of that funky spunky if you get my drift

[@pancitchloride668]

@@seaopal lmao

[@ohlookitsliv2442]

Stop trying to make funky spunky happen! It's not going to happen!

[@gabbycossick2918]

y did i read this as she said it

[@seigeengine]

Agnostic girl introduces good Christian man to funky spunky.

[@jfkfromclonehigh8157]

“Aren’t You Supposed to, like, forgive, and stuff, or is that like, catholic” Who’s going to tell Kurtis That Catholicism is a type of Christianity

[@sillygooseenergy]

Nah, he'll figure it out.

[@MrsRoseSimple]

Lol it’s ok a lot of people have told me that I’m not Christian because I’m Catholic... it’s super weird...

[@Mikasacusfan]

@@MrsRoseSimple lol like Christianity isn't even a think when you think about it. It's just judaism 0.2.

[@abbytimbs1039]

Shay. W. Not really

[@mileyrocks852]

Shay. W. Not really, they were taking the Bible out of context and made it sound good for themselves and focused on the wrong things so Jesus taught people what was important and what wasn’t. Christianity isn’t even really perfect itself. People do it in Christianity. People need to just read the Bible and get their own opinion (that God has given them) that way. You can’t judge something you never read. I did it and when I read it, it blew my mind

[@bojomoonlight]

i was listening to this video in the background, and let me tell you: the sushi seen is 10x longer when there’s no video component. it’s just like an unbroken minute of silence while the restaurant music plays before gretchen speaks.

[@mercygal1]

I love how this movie doesn't even bother to pretend that all Christians are wonderful people who love everybody and casually jumps straight into using Christians discriminating against non-Christians and judging people for not being Christian enough as a plot point. Like...that is very much a thing that happens, but it's weird to see the doublethink where they're doing that but also still holding up those Christians as the ideal people and being Christian as the ideal state.

[@jakebrantley8889]

Was that a 1984 reference? Doublethink?

[@fukyomammason]

Jordan Brantley I’m pretty sure it’s just common parlance at this point.

[@h3ly4nw36]

They kinda forgot to put in some likeable christians..

[@Mica_Macchiato]

As a christian I can confirm that we are not the perfect people 🙃 We are humans too and we do some bad shit... (like saying shit... sorry for that)

[@jakebrantley8889]

@@fukyomammason Oh interesting. I've only seen it in that book.

[@xxduskthewolfxx9891]

The plot: Girl dates guy guy breaks up with girl Girl gets angy and cry Girl goes to Mexico to teach kids English Guy crawls back to girl They kiss Credits.

[@theatregeek8527]

IM WHEEZING 💀💀

[@chuchuandthepencil2914]

Spleens!

[@evaskye3232]

thanks i didn’t even need to watch the video

[@mrclean9455]

THANKSSSSSS NOW I DONT NEED TO WASTE A HOUR OF MY LIFE WATCHING THIS TEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH🧿👄🧿

[@yipeeyipeeeyipee]

I SEE SPLEENS

[@lynniew1353]

When’s “Farmers Only” the movie coming??

[@ArtisticallySpoken]

They need to take every skit they use in the commercials, and mash it into the movie lmao

[@Squeaxx]

lmao

[@AshaSara]

I would so watch that

[@AshaSara]

@@ArtisticallySpoken YES

[@catanddevitofan5500]

Yee yee

[@jessicaeubank4332]

Let me tell you, having grown up in that culture where a woman's worth is determined by her spouse, being the last one standing is a real fear for a lot of young women. Also, every mission ministry I have ever known requires thorough interviews, a declaration of faith, and often several theology and apologetics courses before you are even considered for the team, so inviting an unvetted rando to join last minute is on them.

[@yusant4169]

The spanish in the movie was a google translate

[@kiwi1361]

Yusant google translate is so much better 👌

[@charliet.875]

i hope there’s a sequel called: grindr the movie

[@nightfighter7452]

I just want all dating apps to make movies now

[@andrewjohnstone7943]

@@nightfighter7452 lol Elite Singles the movie

[@irritation_at_the_nightclu1016]

Lol

[@cartoonminty560]

That movie would be 1000% better.

[@irritation_at_the_nightclu1016]

@@cartoonminty560 true

[@cuteangel4887]

Kelly should be in JAIL for that attempt at speaking spanish and acting all smug like her pronunciation is flawless

[@andy-kc8dz]

as an asian person, i have never wanted to punch someone more than that guy taking forever to chew on some sushi

[@mellow_mallow]

The way he fucking stabs it HELP

[@eloisethekitkat5223]

same. i was so angry. MY GUY HOW CHEWY IS UR FISH? GODDAMN

[@hat7475]

whenevr i eat sushi, it takes time, yes but not as ungodly long as he did. He was WEAK

[@kaskaskas]

Love your fyp 🤭

[@floresilla]

@@kaskaskas did u mean profile pic or for you page

[@royaneekhalil6488]

The guy doesn't even have the decency to like teach her Christianity with him as her partner and the rejects her after she does it herself? And she still goes back? This girl is masochistic

[@alabamaslammer3921]

*Riles up the whip*

[@devyana7121]

Or just stupid

[@h0rriphic]

Seems like Christian women are indoctrinated to be push over masochists. (Just check out Girl Defined or whatsherface...dang I can’t remember the name of her channel but the woman’s name is Lori. She’s a 🥜 case.

[@thunderbird3304]

@@h0rriphic Do you mean The Transformed Wife?

[@___vlc___5730]

when christen mingle doesn't have an answer why god destroyed that village, so the made up an language so nobody noticed...

[@wombatt98]

___vlc___ omg actually though

[@user-qv2qf1jk5o]

*Christian

[@babywigeon]

10:55 as a Japanese person, I'd be like aight date over lol you doing too much to make this food seem gross & it's disrespectful

[@caramel_frappe]

Exactly like at that point you could spit it out in front of me and say it's disgusting and I would be less offended than what going on in the scene. I would just end it there

[@spykids3D]

I'm living for all your 2000's movie references

[@sarah-qz5oh]

trapped in a closet had me dying

[@dayang1955]

girl defined would NOT approve of this movie

[@sharxx112]

kissing before marriage? not on my watch

[@bridgeidiot262]

Oh hell to the naw

[@al-cs9fe]

bookheist “honestly, it’s not okay to have a crush on anyone”

[@eevee4611]

Honestly with a character just like old wonderbread here I feel like that's their character but would switch the kissing with handshakes

[@maxemuswilliams7261]

Yeah, when I heard about this movie I *literally* did a 360 and fell out of my chair.

[@maggiecrowder1561]

The fact that Kurtis refers to the main character as Gretchen the whole time makes it 100% better

[@blokvader8283]

And the main love interest "Mayonnaise" or "Wonder Bread"

[@michelcomenta]

sorry for ruining your 666 likes but I have to agree

[@isabelmarie2003]

There is no way she said "our kelly", she straight up said "R. Kelly"

[@cyrus2430]

oh My god not the “oriental” music in the background for a mf sushi scene🧍🏼

[@Cyricaaa]

Oh no music the shop would most likely play itself oh no cultures having there own music oh no stfu you think your someone special and you're not

[@shutup7768]

@@Cyricaaa Oh wow. Someone sure is tRiGgErEd

[@Cyricaaa]

@@shutup7768 I dont talk like a 12 yr old so no

[@mandrew31]

Dude right, it was clearly an intern who found a "chinese instrument" sounding preset on their electronic keyboard...and tbh the "composer" just sounded like they were fiddling around. They basically took a fake koto and played it like a lute and threw in a bunch of flubbed notes for flavor.

[@cyrus2430]

@@Cyricaaa dude what? i’m saying it’s fucking sushi? the music isn’t even “special” to the culture, it’s clearly the (offensive, which is why i used quotations) “oriental” style. as if asian people should be represented as this fucking hurtful stereotype. it’s not good representation, just white people being racists yet again. (no, i’m not dictating what’s racist and what is not, activism is about listening to what minority groups say is hurting them/what’s offensive, and to not do those things/spread that it’s not okay. i’m repeating what i’ve been told, and i know that this is an offensive stereotype). and about your last sentence, in the wise words of doja cat- 🎶it’s hard to keep my cool🎶

[@douniaali3169]

"most mayonnaise, wonderbread, sonofabitch I've ever seen" wow this is just- im gonna plagiarize this

[@anipigs]

I didn't realize that R.Kelly was speaking in Spanish until you wrote "Spanish?". And I'm a native Spanish speaker. So, yeah.

[@yeahnobro]

Well damn

[@felixpagan1379]

Me too, i didnt understand a word she said

[@brianna5883]

Ana Paula Guevara same!!!

[@franciscariveramartinez]

Ur comment made me wheeze

[@zoeyleonora4941]

SAMEEEE. I'm a native spanish speaker, as well, but I had no idea what she was trying to say.

[@super8bitable]

5:16 “And now I gotta make bald guys believe some magical potion they buy on TV is gonna solve all their problems… but first I gotta pray to this magical guy I read about who’s gonna solve all my problems.”

[@ezrawilson4643]

My mom went on Christian Mingle. She met a guy who rode a motorcycle and didn’t say that he was married until they almost moved in.

[@lolachevok876]

Ezra Wilson idk if I feel bad for u or if I’m slightly jealous

[@tiffanygutierrez4559]

oof...

[@annie4150]

LMAO

[@olivebranch7769]

How in the fuck?

[@eccentricz82]

ah the christians pringle