The Darkside of the ISFJ

[@lovewho]

Our Discord - ​ ​discord.gg/xThWx8Q My tentative theory is that based on the comment sections of our videos, lot's of the people here would benefit from the ability to chat to each other in real-time. I've met people who have had/still have a huge impact on me and who I have developed close and collaborative relationships with online first, that I've also gone on to meet in person. We live in interesting times where that is no longer a strange thing. Hopefully this discord will be somewhere where all of you can do the same - interesting chats, find new and useful connections etc. Also my assumption is that this community will grow organically and become self sustaining if it's going to exist at all. So think of me as an intermittently present creator who often totally forgets about a planet he's made then quickly rushes to make sure they haven't turned on each other. Finally, an ENTP is running the server... god help us. ~ Nathan

[@esfp7w6]

Its a pretty lit server

[@w8455]

If I write a Bible of Nathan will you let me back into the server, oh lord almighty Nathan whom I absolutely and indubitably worship and would sacrifice baby goats to?

[@w8455]

btw a reply would be nice because I've already started writing the bible.

[@livingbeings]

ENTP is perfect for discord admin

[@elainerotelli9185]

ENTP here thinks ENTP running the server is 👍🏻

[@theorycow]

The dark side of the ISFJ: k e t c h u p b o t t l e

[@lovewho]

The logic behind it was "a caring ISFJ offering the ketchup to some family member across the table with sinister undertones" but in practice...it's just me holding a ketchup bottle ~ Nathan

[@jessenceq3250]

I absolutely was delighted when I saw the image. So fitting. lol

[@amidreaming333]

I don't think ISFJs want to be controlling, but feel like they have to to keep everyone safe. Secretly they dream of exploring and adventures, but they just need to keep everything under control so they feel safe.

[@aichilovewisdom]

As an ISFJ myself there really are times I want to take control over my people just so I can avoid troublesome things. 😂 though thinking about it, it's more troublesome to do so, so I'll just quietly back down and let them do them.

[@mezmerizze1]

i am ISTP i just start dating ISFJ and ya she is very controling, we dating like two weeks and i was forced to go to dentist, go to doctor with my back, start working on quiting smoking (what i was about to do someday ... mb) stop drinking that much and keep promises what i say so ya only two weeks so far lol but i am ok with that its for my healt.

[@anticlickbait]

I admit I'm a bit controller:(

[@misscurious9289]

Yep.

[@johnnysenpai5583]

True I feel that😁❤️👍

[@SehaChan]

Mom's ISFJ and she consistently kept me under glass when I was a child. If you talk to those kids they'll bully you, if you do that activity you won't like it, if you go there something bad will happen, and so on. As a result I had a decent childhood, as I still had a loving family around me, but completely devoid of memories or experiences in general. No friends and thus severely underdeveloped social skills that dragged into adulthood. It wasn't until highschool when I started rebelling and thus started having some experiences of my own, but she still would try to dissuade me from doing anything I decided, and even now as an adult she tries to do that sometimes. She's not trying to control me like some other parents do, but literally simply stop me from doing anything cause she is incredibly catastrophist about everything. She means well, she's a tender, selfless person, but I just can't deal with her for too long.

[@RRRsimracing]

Your Mum is definitely an ISFJ. Just living her own experiences for you without you having to live at all. Lol sounds like my wife relationship with our little one

[@a-pathetic]

I feel you. I have ISFJ mother too and can relate to some extent. She didn't try to dissuade me from doing absolutely anything but I definitely felt controlled. She knows what's best for me, she tried to impose her rules (like keeping my stuff in order, "work now, fun later" attitude...) and tried to carve the best of me, but I feel there was little concern with what I actually wanted to do... Now, it's easy to put all the blame on her, and I know other people would say I have the best mom as she clearly did her best... And I wouldn't disagree. It doesn't change the fact that I've grown up to be a failure, which is partly hers...

[@lovewho]

This is fascinating! It's a strange thing to accuse someone of: caring too much, but it can be a dangerous thing ~ Nathan

[@JJ-io9ms]

My dad is EXACTLY like this. He's so hellbent on only seeing the negative outcomes of every circumstance. So much i pretty much had no memoires because of how much I wasn't allowed to anything, how do you escape their clutches

[@javierlandry7246]

I hear you all. My mom is a ISFP. I was raised a coward. (Anyway, Im INTJ😈)

[@stan8479]

When I was a teenager, I was a VERY unhealthy ISFJ, fueled by mental illnesses. I was a very controlling person because I was afraid of being left behind by the people I loved. Now that I’m an adult, I still sometimes catch myself experiencing dark feelings (i.e. when someone else manages to tell my best friend something regarding my main interest before I can, I can feel pretty hurt) but I’m doing my best because I don’t want to be a controlling person...

[@rahma6992]

isfjs can be *not* perfect??? I think I'll need some time to process that one...

[@RRRsimracing]

Lol this comment sounds exactly like an ISFJ. Good stuff

[@lovewho]

Haha! This made me laugh. In practice they are always perfect but in theory they can...believe it or not...be dark sometimes ~ Nathan

[@Iceman219]

Everyone forgets that ISFJs are also "The Scholar" with Si+Ti. They rival even INTPs with this combo and their Ne is super underrated too.

[@lovewho]

Agreed. ISFJ/INTP is a very common mistype for that reason I believe ~ Nathan

[@purplemind93]

Sure you don’t mean IsTJ? The isfjs I know were pretty mediocre in school (also cause I don’t think their Ti is that developed during school years?) But I could be wrong.

[@Iceman219]

@@purplemind93 yeah I meant adulthood. Adolescence isn't a good measuring point because as you said function development.

[@sadlittletroll1738]

As an INTP: Agreed, some of my best friends are ISFJs and they're some of the smartest, most logically sound people I know. They just value harmony and well-being of both themselves and others above analyzing and coming up with new ideas, doesn't mean they can't do it :P

[@misseva7404]

@@sadlittletroll1738 haha, yes!! thank you! ISFJ here - that summarizes where I'm coming from a lot of the time. And my best friend is an INTJ - we connect deeply on an intellectual level.

[@misseva7404]

DUDE. I feel SEEN. My parents often retold a story about how I cried when they painted the living room when I was 3 or 4 years old, and that just absolutely nails it - distress over change, loss of how things used to be, can be very intense because it feels like you're losing something forever. I always hated the phrase about the journey and not the destination being the point. :) I do have to say that it's gotten more manageable as I've gotten older, but change has definitely never been a strength for me. Often, the analysis of the ISFJ is, “Wow, they’re such nice volunteering nurses who bake!” I’m way more private/loner than this, so I often feel bad for not being as giving/generous as it seems like I’m supposed to be. It helps to see a more in-depth analysis of what drives us. We’re more than just “nice moms!”

[@maevelynskey]

Great video, so accurate! Not sure if you'd agree, but to me, the one other dark side of less mature ISFJs is that they can sometimes have outbursts of intense rage (in private, of course), usually when they feel their kindness is being taken for granted. The old Fe thing.

[@lovewho]

That's fascinating! Rage when they've been (or feeling like they've been) taken for granted makes a great deal of sense ~ Nathan

[@mark9294]

This is absolutely true. My ISFJ wife was like this. She is quiet and shy in public but had on occasion violent outbursts in private

[@ivettesenvelopebudgets6466]

You could call it immaturity. But what's the mature counterpart, staying quiet and getting stepped over for years? I rather be immature and show emotion than become invisible and be forgotten.

[@mostfrozenburrito]

My mom, dad, and sister are all ISFJs and I’m an INFP so I am very well acquainted with this personality type. I currently live with my sister and it’s kind of hell sometimes. Like we get along well, but I feel like I’m living her life more than I’m living mine. She sometimes enforces her goals and expectations onto me and I recently realized that I’m so unhappy because I’m not being given space to create my own life. It’s like I’m her child since she’s my older sister. And my actual parents, while they had their flaws, gave me enough space to develop into my own person, but my sister is choking me to death with her lifestyle. Basically, ISFJs, my advice to you is to give people space. I appreciate that you care, but give people enough space to figure things out on their own. Care for people, but also, let them care for themselves too. Thank you!!!

[@lovewho]

Agreed! Giving people space to fail and figure things out for themselves is such an important thing ~ Nathan

[@keziahkeren7163]

Thank you for this advice. ~ISFJ

[@lazyyy966]

Today I'm going to meet ISFJ, so I read comments ab it. Ty for your))) ~ INFP

[@thereisnospoon1109]

I like your understanding of Si--->keeping homeostasis by: taking care of sensory needs, establishing routins and stability, wanting to just feel good in the moment with oneself, live here and now to create meaningful, vivid memories (instead of: Si=memory and rules! Lol).

[@lovewho]

The association with certain functions and other concepts is interesting. For example, is Ti synonymous with logic or the extent to which a person wants to associate themselves with logic? ~ Nathan

[@thereisnospoon1109]

@@lovewho hmm, it will be a long comment...😂 That's how i see Ti: Ti wants to create an internal judging system, which doesn't depend on internal values or feelings (we may say that the system would be "cold"). Ti does it by finding the right criteria for the elements: making assumptions/defining elements (a means b, c is a, therefor c must mean b), a similar mechanism is known as "logic". If Ti already has its elements defined by its own criteria, it can create a system and apply it to many different things in the outside world (may be seen as "objective" and external as Te, the difference is that it all comes from an internal system and goes outside LATER): we may apply it to maths (logic), to linguistic (grammar as Ti-system), art (art as a system, beauty in a logical structure of art), and even cleaning (picture belongs to the wall, photos belong to the wall, the wall is a set) and law (if A does B, C happens). "Ti is strong" means "that person has a good ability to sort information and would be able to judge the outside world this way". "Ti is valued" means "this person doesn't necessarily have a good ability to make Ti-systems, but feels a need to judge the outside world this way". That's why Te-doms still want to do Fi instead of Ti, and Fe-doms want to do Ti instead of Fi (which is of course much stronger in them).

[@sapphireluna4818]

I agree! This is a far better representation of Si according to my experiences with SJ’s, and I am close with many in my family and friend circle. They are not necessarily walking, talking libraries of perfect memories as so often claimed. If it were not for typology, I would not think of these people as the “great memory keepers” if asked what they all have in common. My INTP brother impresses my very SJ family and his own SJ wife all the time with his “good memory”, especially with things like trivia, but I don’t think it’s because his Si happens to be better, rather, I think the way high Si works is misunderstood. Every SJ I have known seem to have an intimate relationship with their own comfort and homeostasis, and they all express them differently, but I can see that it comes from the same desire for personal comfort that is subjective to them. My ESFJ best friend has a wonderfully relaxing aura and takes loving care of all her clothes and her belongings in such a natural way that I find enviable. My ISTJ dad is quite offended if he is unable to go to bed at his coveted time, understanding well his need for regulated sleep and is always fresh and chipper in the morning. I think Si is very underrated!

[@thereisnospoon1109]

@@sapphireluna4818 exactly!

[@Rhygenix]

The Archetype of the Devouring Mother is the Dark Side of ISFJ

[@jennysmith9591]

perhaps...also, uck...also, help!

[@Maybe_maybe_not_yet]

Esfj too

[@NoOne-wt6om]

My mother

[@katiewong2051]

Take a look at the thiller movie Ma (title character played by Octiavia Spencer ) Typical ISFJ gone dark

[@beanandsomethings]

"To face uncertainty with courage". Helpful, thanks.

[@xElNinoo]

As an ISFJ, my unwillingness to break out of the comfort zone is perhaps my biggest flaw. I am open minded when it comes to opinions and views on topics, but definitely not open minded when it comes to different experiences. But as I want everything in place in quite a systematic way, this does lead me to use good practices and strategies when approaching most things. I also like to know facts, I approach things in a very logical way. I guess you could say I am in the Si-Ti loop for much of the time, with Fe a little underused.

[@seochanqbinnie]

Aaah I feel you on this, the experiences part is often scary

[@kr-666]

2:46, as an INTP when I heard this I thought, that's why I don't have goals in life, I need to be anxious, and then you said content people are winning, and now I'm more content with being content.

[@lovewho]

I am content with your contentment regarding your contentment ~ Nathan

[@nawniep8471]

Yes please we need more ISFJ friends in discord! Great video as always, love the thumbnail 😂

[@lovewho]

Thank you! Hopefully there'll be at least a handful of ISFJs that come on there as the result of this ~ Nathan

[@M1N3TA]

I’m the ISFJ most active in chat there xD

[@gohjohan]

You know that you have to get them out of their comfort zone to be in Discord. If you watch the last part of the video, he talks about getting them out of their comfort zone 1st.

[@RockySmithsen]

I had a feeling about this before now, but now I’m pretty sure my dad is an isfj. Everywhere else I look, they only talk about the best qualities of isfjs so it’s hard to get the full picture

[@lovewho]

I always worry about these darkside videos since there are sweeping statements that might turn out to not match up with peoples experience but hopefully people find it useful! ~ Nathan

[@sirbradfordofhousejones]

As an ISFJ, I’ve seen a lot more negative views on us than positive ones. Then again, ISFJs are loved in the real world, but hated on the internet. So that could be why I see it that way. I take it too personally!

[@imakro69]

@@lovewho my mom is isfj, and when you said the one about overcaring that's so to the point, when I was a teenager she would not let me have the pocket money, instead she made me ask each time, so that I wouldn't have my stock of money to buy substances with

[@RockySmithsen]

@@lovewho I found this one useful :) and yeah, when talking about anecdotes of types it's not gonna be 100%, but it's crazy how close you can still get sometimes

[@purplemind93]

Also. JEALOUSY. Is that the same as them over protecting someone?

[@PagoAoE2]

My mother is an ISFJ and I am an INFP. We get along fine most of the time, but I have unending optimism and she has Unending pessimism. She would try and control me when I was younger and I would rebel in true INFP fashion. She would then get more controlling the more I rebelled. When I reached high school I started to rebel even more than I already was. (Aggravating to her) She eventually gave up on ruling me with an iron fist, but I took until I was 26 and getting a masters degree. She also told me that her therapist ordered and commanded her to let me have my own life and apparently the therapist got kinda firm and unyielding, ‘cuz now she stays out of my way and hardly ever reminds me of tasks that need to be completed. (If only my ESFJ dad would stop) But a control freak mom with an INFP son and an INTJ son, I kinda feel bad for her. Everything was grounds for me and my brother to rebel. Don’t even get me started on when we would team up. Hahahahaha!

[@inmanchristopher78]

I'm an INTP and my wife is an ISFJ and it's a hell of an odd chemistry. She's the most caring, wonderful woman in the world, but she drives me nuts, lol. She's all about lists, and the lists I have I keep in my head. She freaks out if there's a crumb on the floor, while I'm all whatever about it. I tease her and say she's too mean to our dog, and that pisses her off. She says "I feel" and I say "I think." Needless to say, there's never a dull moment.

[@guybeauregard]

Solid analysis. Yes we ISFJs like our systems and dislike it when they get disrupted. It's a good reminder to venture out of our comfort zones. From an ISFJ

[@arcadianfox8127]

Dear ISFJ, we do not need to talk about that negative thing that happened in a far past (like 2 weeks ago), it is a bygone time. We will love each other in the future and try to be more attentive of each other's needs. Instead of hanging on the past, we improve our behavior so that it does not happen again.

[@t5396]

Far past for ISFJ is much longer than two weeks ago. More like, at age 4.

[@andre_karavia]

Since when is 2 weeks a bygone time? 🤣🤣🤣

[@imfacejacked6046]

Do isfjs like to take on the weight and do everything themselves without asking for help and almost a toxic way maybe??

[@victoriapeay3019]

I do this sometimes. It’s sometimes because I feel like I know the best course to achieve our goal, or because I want to feel like I played an important part in group work.

[@jacquelineshukla919]

One of my daughters in law is an ISFJ. I found this video helpful for me to understand her at a little bit deeper level.

[@lovewho]

That’s great to hear! ~ Nathan

[@thesandrapagethings]

Yes, the contrast between the desires for safety and strength is so real as an ISFJ.

[@saraliena]

I feel you all. My parents are both toxic ISFJ and I started learning how to live only when I moved out. They gave me everything, I love them but can't deny they've created every single issue I still have with adulthood. And I'm an INTJ. Man... it was a challenge.

[@lovewho]

Parenting is such a delicate thing, I’m amazed any of us survive our parents tbh! Thank you for this comment and I hope you’re enjoying the content on the channel ~ Nathan

[@lightinthedark9201]

Same I'm an INFJ and feel trapped

[@KarlaBader]

Trapped INFJ too. ISFJ dad having an iron rule over INFP mum and son, and myself. I cop a lot more than the others because my dreams and aspirations do not fit his ideals and unwillingness to accept change and/or let go.

[@elainerotelli9185]

Norman Bates character in the horror movie “ Psycho” strikes me as an Dark ISFJ.

[@jeanettebjaras2470]

Yes, I think you are right! An ISFJ myself, when I watch that movie I always notice how he makes sure the girl gets her dinner (and to me that seems he does not do in order to be creepy) and how neatly he comes running with his mopp to clean up the blood. Also he talks about how he changes the sheets every week (or whatever) and how nice it is to have routines to follow. Also he seems very kind and FE when talking to the girl in the beginning, and his main struggle is with the strong feeling of loyalty to his mother. Take away the killing and he is just delightful.

[@lovewho]

That's a really interesting character which I didn't think of! I now feel like rewatching it through this lens ~ Nathan

[@MichaelWilliams-bx2ty]

@@lovewho I feel like these videos also work great as shadow sides of the opposing types. I.E entps and isfjs have the same functions in reverse. Hence the darkside of the ISFJ describes an unhealthy entp just as well. Psycho is a great example. Hitchock was an ENTP, and a very unhealthy one, who displayed a lot of the same traits as the lead in Psycho. I don't know a lot about American Psycho, but Norman Bates comes off as if he would be in the same ne, si, ti, fe category.

[@suzannesuzysoares2810]

It’s probably odd that I want ISFJs in my life now ahah. I knew you were going to mention the movie Misery! A bit a chaos is always good I think, from time to time... routine is good too.... practice makes perfect after all, and we all need to cover our basic needs and security, but being open to wild and sudden ideas or change is perhaps what makes life fun. And Opportunities are most often found out of our comfort zone... nice shout out to our one ISFJ btw ;-) thanks for the upload!

[@lovewho]

You're starting to predict my thoughts patterns too well! Against my natural instincts, I agree that chaos is good from time to time ~ Nathan

[@steffiec5323]

Uncomfortable situations is one of my to actively put myself in. I am going through a massive change of self knowledge and changes. Its marvelous misadventures ❤

[@noname8354]

My mom is probably an XSFJ. She's also a somewhat a helicopter parent which doesn't go well for my dad and me (we're both ENTPs)

[@ges735]

Being comfortable during change is something I really need to work on.

[@tofusamurai22]

Great advice here, no matter what your "MBTI type" is! ^_^

[@lovewho]

Glad to hear it! ~ Nathan

[@karolinasowinska]

Is it just me or every mum out there is an ISFJ?

[@jenniferk219]

Lol . . . I was just wondering if maybe my mom is an ISFJ.

[@jennysmith9591]

maybe in some sense

[@lovewho]

Haha! As soon as someone becomes a mum, they automatically turn into one ~ Nathan

[@xcruxifiedx3477]

my mom is an ESTJ actually

[@eneopopa3145]

@@xcruxifiedx3477 my mom to lol

[@mattmatthewmatchuu]

See this a lot as a teacher, isfj helicopter parents trying to make internet learning traditional lol.

[@lovewho]

Fascinating! ~ Nathan

[@sirbradfordofhousejones]

My mom (isfj) could NOT handle online learning for my daughter- she hated it so much. Great observation.

[@Moezychan]

I'm an ISFJ and I will not deny it...I can be a control freak. I'm not a mom though. My mom is an ESFP and I could never relate with her growing up! She would always try to push me into being social and I was happy being in the background taking care of everybody. I'm now at the point where instead of trying to control people, I try to control my circumstances. I want people to accept me and if I try to be too bossy that pushes them away so I've learned to back off from being a horrible control freak.

[@bababythesea4389]

Agree with previous commenters...ISFJ are not risk takers and comfortable with the here and now (only). They are not able to comprehend "What if...?" My sister and daughter are both ISFJ so the few videos you have on ISFJ are helpful to me...I am sure you have very few ISFJ subs...so do it for us out here trying to deal with their dark side negativity. INFJ here.

[@kristen6207]

As an ISFJ I dont like INITIATING risky moves but my INFJ husband is all about "making moves" for the future and it feels so natural to let him lead. I dont have a problem with risk in that sense but I'm just not gonna be the one coming up with creative ideas and jumping in feet first.

[@maylynbayani]

Im an ESTJ and my husband is ISFJ. I hate it that people take advantage of his kindness. In contrary I think he is relieved that I am not afraid of offending or turning down people. So he basically use me as an excuse to turn down people

[@lovewho]

I love that tactic of using an ESTJ to turn people down, amazing. If you guys haven't already then feel free to join the LoveWho Discord server, would be awesome to have an ESTJ/ISFJ power couple on there since those types are less common as you can imagine. The link is in the description of most of the videos ~ Nathan

[@maylynbayani]

@@lovewho will do

[@ahtantofazmano7699]

My God... I am an ISFJ and I am literally living through so much hesitation right now because a guy that I'm really interested in has mommy issues and I know I'm gonna prey on that. I wanna be the reason, I want to be the cure. I don't ever wanna hurt him, but the way I feel like helping and nurturing him seems so dark. He is a cute little pumpkin, an INFJ. I don't know what to do... THE URGE TO TAKE CAREEEEEEEE helpme

[@potato-mv4ir]

One thing I want to improve with myself is what you said, to be comfortable doing change. 'Cause, that is my problem right now, I want to move forward in my career. But I don't know, I'm afraid of what will happen. I'm afraid of rejection and failure though I'm fully aware it is part of the process. I'm getting used to my work right now(though I'm not yet comfortable with the environment, just the tasks), and on my daily routine, though I'm getting bored sometimes.😩 I should overcome this.😓😭 Hahahahahaha. Anyway, your video is accurate. And it also helped me to realize something. -ISFJ

[@PathologistReport]

This is spot on. Living with my Isfj girlfriend I felt like I was a prisoner. Incredibly controlling and negative, iffff I didn’t do what she wanted. Leaving the house was always a traumatic experience. The only thing that helped was to comfort her first and give reassurance with change. But overall a very dramatic personality

[@jbmesa50]

ESFP here. My ISFJ wife is absolutely the most quietly brilliant woman I have ever met.

[@r.k.6483]

My father is an infj and my mother is an isfj. As an istp this drives me nuts. My mother unknowingly smothers me, tries to control and know everything I think, so or say; along with the constant pessimism and need to try to impose her irrational anxieties onto me. My father is infj, he has this habit of creating this ruse to be overly enthusiastic to get the same reaction out of me (manipulation) and it drives me nuts as well. He gets upset when this acts don’t work on me, and feels lost because he doesn’t know how to control how I feel or react. 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@KarlaBader]

My ISFJ dad goes bonkers when he probably knows deep down his manipulation tactics didn't work against me; almost like a malfunction. And then he'll paint me as the lepper to the rest of the family. Sad.

[@malindaeckert2300]

I freaking love your diction. ❤️ Spot on. 👌

[@lovewho]

Had to do a double take on this sentence but thank you! ~ Nathan

[@skyfallunoPretzel]

2:21 I feel very called out which is why I as someone who's an isfj has had trouble of the process of wanting to starting new things that are towards my interests which includes writeing and drawing both of those lead up to something I want to create but I don't like finding I don't like what however I hope that I will not give I know that it is okay to not be perfect everytime or satisfied everything you learn has its up and downs and you'll have to take breaks sometimes and figure out what you do and do not like about what you've thought of created and decide the good from the bad in your eyes and I got advice that I'm going to have to make not so good places in my study to learn what I'd like to do to move forward

[@jenny69haha56]

as a isfj this is v accurate which makes me want to cry

[@Faith-sr8zw]

The change topic really struck a cord. Throughout my older childhood to the end of my adolescence/now, I've had a lot of changes that I didn't enforce upon myself and things always went wrong. So I guess the 'trauma' made me unenthusiastic about change

[@lovewho]

Bad experiences with change is a common thing I would say since it's always a risky thing. It is however, an inevitable thing and something that it's rarely worth overly-stressing about! ~ Nathan

[@Faith-sr8zw]

@@lovewho Aww what a lovely reply, I appreciate it!

[@steffiec5323]

Your voice has starwars tremors in it. Like a clear calming support Robot 👌🏻

[@lovewho]

I am, in fact, the droid you're looking for ~ Nathan

[@joppekim]

As an isfj I feel it is extremely easy to emotionally destroy someone from within. I can gather up all the times a friend has wronged me in their life and use facts as a way of telling them that they are a bad person. On the surface I am non confrontational, kind, loyal and considerate, but for my dark side I can easily pick apart peoples opinion of themselves as I a disguised behind a smiling mask. If someone wronged me in some way I won't confront them, but rather keep quiet and build up an arsenal. Well I'm not like this anymore, because I have learned to express my needs, but I know I have the ability.

[@saralovesthemoon]

From an infp: I’m just here to say that the thumbnail is AWESOME and creative ! that ketchup made me smile :)

[@lovewho]

Well this is great to hear! I saw the Ketchup bottle and had a little epiphany. Also, feel free to check out our discord, you might like it on there! ~ Nathan

[@maddyo2589]

I was like, I'm not controlling! Then you said cover you in cotton balls. I am a mama bear with a super high tendency to want to protect...I'll put away my cotton balls now lol also, I enjoy change, but I'm very specific about what i consider tolerable change. I really enjoyed your assessment. Thank you!

[@barbaraszentgyorgyi5007]

I love isfj-s 😍🥰 they just make the environment very matter-of-course and safe. Also, they're very trustworthy. But yes, the amount of fear of things that could go wrong.., the negativity can be overwhelming sometimes. You just try to calm them again and again about the same things. Also, because they kind of want to be there for everyone, they can get confused in prioritizing and keeping boundaries. Which can be hurtful to those closest to them. Also it's very funny how I'm usually the opposite of this, loving the process where anything can happen, thriving in change, but the extreme caregiving thing can kick in. It's like a mini isfj in an entp 😂

[@lovewho]

Very well said. If you haven't already, feel free to checkout our discord server, you might enjoy it if you can handle a little dose of chaos! ~ Nathan

[@barbaraszentgyorgyi5007]

@@lovewho I sure can 😄, thank you!

[@skyfallunoPretzel]

4:09 I've had similar thoughts facing loss of others while this isn't how I felt about I found that I would need to accept it no matter which way it went but yeah and I can that feeling wanting to make things work out I ounce thought that I just had anxiety ishews as a kid which I'm told I might have had but I think I know what he's talking about it's not really anxiety it's just how isfjs think I guess

[@Epiphany-ct4su]

Okay wait I just found your channel and I’m an ISFJ and you described me perfectly with this video and now I wanna join your discord server and subscribe to you! Thank you!

[@lovewho]

Well I’m glad to hear it! I’m on the discord server most days so I’m sure we’ll interact on there sometime soon! ~ Nathan

[@anavelasquez1916]

As an ISFJ: The beginning: ...I see. 🤨🤨🤨 The middle: ...I guess so. 🤔🤔🤔 Te end: Yep, that’s true. 😔😔😔🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🙄🙄🙄😅😅😅

[@lovewho]

Haha! Well I'm glad that it's accurate for you! ~ Nathan

[@imakro69]

So many emojis, it's true you're isfj:)

[@jdlstrm985]

I'm a male ISFJ and this is quite accurate!

[@ShaleNinja]

I have an ISFJ very dear to me who would benefit from this particular video heapsss (not that she's a dark ISFJ, just that the rest explains her to a T, with reassurance that change is helpful) but in true ISFJ form, MBTI bores her to tears and is meaningless lol. Meanwhile I, a caricature of INTP, fall further and further down the rabbit hole erryday...

[@lovewho]

Well maybe you can subtly ask her "does this apply to you" with an ISFJ video! ~ Nathan

[@noeliagutierrez4223]

This reminds me how my INTP sister was the one that got into MBTI, and I was stuck listening to her long lectures on what she learned. At first I was bored, but once I understood the real life application and how it helps to describe people, I was hooked 😂 I didn't know it was typical for isfj to get bored with MBTI, but it makes sense knowing how we are. We are the most common irl yet a minority in the MBTI fandom probably for this reason (the initial hurdle 😂)

[@rosesnhearts]

Love your ISFJ videos ❤️

[@axosrain4825]

My dad is ISFJ and I do see good qualities in him.........but im guessing some random uncomfortable things he does like giving blame to others and trying to ignore mistakes he made along with paranoia is from somewhere else?

[@sirbradfordofhousejones]

3:30- as an ISFJ, I am in this picture and don’t like it.

[@sibagas4390]

I have a problem relationship with my bestie ISFJ, i hurt his feeling oftenly, so that he often withdrawn by his ( Ti ), he is always isolating himself from time to time, that make me frustated 😭😭😭😭😭😭.. He is very boring when he stuck in the loop. I'm extremely afraid of being doorslam like INFJ, because their function have similarity. And i'm scared of they sudenly don't want to mend our relation when he too much be hurt.

[@greatsouthmarketing8897]

Yes

[@braxtynbirrell7683]

I can definitely relate to the being paralyzed by feelings of uncertainty

[@moosamihran4839]

My mom(isfj) always forces me(infp) to do stuff that she thinks will make me comfortable which almost always inevitably leads me to be more uncomfortable. Guess she always acts like she knows what's best for me(when she clearly doesn't)😅

[@jennysmith9591]

yes one letter difference makes a huge impact (INFJ) ISFJ lifestyle is way too stifling for who I am. I feel like society as a whole forces "women" toward this role.

[@meagiesmuse2334]

@@jennysmith9591 - Agree. Long marriage to ISFJ. Exciting life before, but almost no significant memories since. Change of any kind is considered too risky.

[@SurferBum1002]

As an ISFJ, I would say that these pitfalls are accurate for this personality type. Thanks for the video!

[@cutesyjam]

Deal with chaos and change by preventing it 😂 I feel so called out. I dont want to move house purely because my room is too comfortable 😩 despite living with challenging housemate.

[@realitiesoftypology7502]

I have to be fair in that the thumbnail of this is very well done.

[@amna0alhawaj]

I've only met one isfj on the server and he accused me of being as esfp... he's evil.

[@amna0alhawaj]

Oh he mentioned him lol

[@RRRsimracing]

😆 🤣

[@sirbradfordofhousejones]

Esfp is a bad thing? I love ESFPs!

[@ObscureClarity]

ISFJ here, a lot of this very true.

[@lancelotdufrane]

As an INFJ, my ISFJ partner seems much more capable of standing on their own. No matter the observed reactions of others. Try’s to teach me to stand up for myself. Yet understands my hesitation. Good match.

[@yourcruelnightmare]

me (INTP) and my best friend (ISFJ) are besties since 9 years ago and we are 15.

[@sandracross483]

ISFJ here..I relate to cats. In the wild they are skilled hunters, out- matched by none in their strengths, but curiously skittish in new situations. They will stand up to a bear, and sprint away for fear of a cucumber. They are the epitome Of flexibility if they know their ability. A young kitten can easily get out of a tree that it climbs..it just hasn't figured that out yet. The more experiences I have, and the more I allow myself to live outside my comfort zone the more flexible I become with less encouagement. BUT to be real.. I Love a comfortable box.😻

[@TaxingIsThieving]

ISFPs are more nurturing than ISFJs

[@istp1967]

Rebecca De'Mornet's character in, 'The Hand That Rocks The Cradle' . . ?

[@RRRsimracing]

😆 yesss, I agree with your thoughts here from a fellow ISTP.

[@lovewho]

I haven't seen that one but I will certainly check it out! ~ Nathan

[@happyfreakangel7233]

I try to understand the ISFJ right know because i dated one. I couldn't handle that he doesn't even know what he himself likes and stuff like an unwritten book. I ended it because i thought about him like a project help him to find himself and told him exactly that. He still wants to meet me... maybe my sudden change makes no sense. Or maybe he really sees it as purpose fullfilling beeing with me. I am INFJ an pretty chaotic but can be really energy matching with positiveness while he is really negative. Feels like he needs me more than i need him :( i am not scared now but maybe he is an slightly unhealthy ISFJ.

[@MeadeSkeltonMusic]

I don't want to be an isfj. Is it possible I was mistyped?

[@samuelrapata]

Hey man I've been a follower of your content for a couple of months now. I was pretty certain I was an Estp, but as I did more research I realised that I seem to prioritise Ti over Se. I am extremely analitical wherever I am and also think about what things I could use i.e tools or something to serve a future situation. So I concluded Istp. But then I started thinking about how I navigate social situations really well and I'm not awkward or cold at all. Im kinda rambling. IN CONCLUSION COULD YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN IF ESTPS CAN PRIORITISE TI OVER SE. AND/OR IF ISTPS CAN HAVE NATURALLY REALLY GOOD SOCIALS SKILLS. IM VERY CONFUSED.

[@lovewho]

Ok this is very interesting. ESTPs can indeed be very socially smooth when needed and regularly make use of their Ti as their main tool. Also having Se as a dominant function is not always the most obvious one to spot. People in general can find it difficult to see their main function since it's so natural to them ~ Nathan

[@samuelrapata]

@@lovewho Thanks so much for the reply.

[@angelamaysonet-cruz7218]

Can you add more ISFJ videos? We are so rarely understood and uner valued.

[@skyfallunoPretzel]

I'm here to scare myself about myself , I can really see this and worry about this myself as an isfj

[@noeliagutierrez4223]

I also heard of an MBTI loop? I think that's what it's called. Basically it's when someone jumps over one of their functions. For ISFJ it's going from si down to ti and maybe ne, but completely not using fe. This makes isfj very unrecognizable to the stereotypical caring cinnamon rolls they are portrayed as. I don't remember all the details of this concept, but I can say I've experienced it in my youth. It happened when I was completely disillusioned with other people and didn't give a damn about them. It made me cold and sociopathic

[@singlenesslaifu959]

I'm an ISFP and my best friend is an ISFJ, and I got to say she became really possessive, she was in a morning class in college and I am in the morning class as well (different courses) . She was telling her plans and all that. Like, after school she told me that we should hang out as always and to be honest I don't want that, and so I didn't tell her that I moved mine to afternoon classes (I only told her when the processes are done) It's just that I don't want her to "just" feel safe when I'm around, I want her to meet new other people and so am I. HAHAHA Anyway, after that we just gradually drifted apart, and she didn't talk to me, I didn't talk to her as well. I thought everything's okay HAHAHA I don't know what happened but we're able to fix it along the way, and we became closer more than anything, because back then we're frenemies and we know it to each other, we're just not saying it face to face. But now we genuinely give a fuck about each other. She's a Leo, and I'm an Aries by the way, and both of our life path is 1 HAHAHA

[@LiveAsDiva]

That's me, captivating~~~.... Jokes aside, im ISFJ with intrapersonal Intelligence, i sometimes could be manipulative, overbearing, and clearly suffocating my love ones.... sulking and love holding people in the palm of my hand

[@monicacoleman4785]

Oh man! So accurate! #FellowISFJ

[@johnknight9150]

In Australia, we have a show that has a recurring skit, "As A Guilty Mum", that showcases useless products that prey on maternal guilt. Are ISFJ mothers particularly prone to this type of thinking? And are they more likely fall prey to things like anti-vaccination material on the internet, and sensationalist scare stories on current affair programmes?

[@lessismore3257]

Great questions! I also noticed that women are more likely to believe in the QAnon conspiracies involving children.

[@johnknight9150]

@@lessismore3257 Women, or ISFJ women?

[@lessismore3257]

@@johnknight9150 Kinda new at this. My mother might be an ISFJ but I try to keep her away from "fake" news. I was wondering about mothers in general, not ISFJs in particular. Thanks.

[@johnknight9150]

@@lessismore3257 Well I wouldn't extend it to women in general, no, but ISFJ is the most common type amongst women. My mother, who I think is INFP, has beliefs some would consider quirky, but they're traditional religious beliefs and she hates conspiracy theories. My aunt on the other hand, who might be ISFJ, has been trying to show Mum stuff on KZbin about 'The Great Reset' and how Donald Trump will be everyone's saviour, which is quite odd for someone outside the US. I don't think she would have got into this stuff normally had it not been for my uncle who has been on a steady diet of alt-right videos since he discovered KZbin.

[@lessismore3257]

@@johnknight9150 Thanks for sharing. I would add that even in the US we find it all quite odd. This land of opportunity became a country for opportunists and the land of the free became the fact-free society. Hard to crack down on disinformation masquerading as free speech in this country. The people who know better do not have the appetite for the discourse.

[@professionalkid]

Jo in YOU as ISFJ. Just as my thoughts. Hi 5 Nathan!

[@lovewho]

He does indeed seem to be an ISFJ as far as I’m concerned ~ Nathan

[@balasubramanyamg3050]

This accurately describes my sister! Any advice for me?

[@lovewho]

Maybe trying to show your sister that she can handle chaotic situations, build her tolerance for it up and help her gain confidence in that area! ~ Nathan

[@balasubramanyamg3050]

@@lovewho thank you! But she's kinda aggressive so I'm afraid I'll get hit.

[@misseva7404]

@@balasubramanyamg3050 For me as an ISFJ, it makes a big difference to know that people who care about me are taking me and my feelings seriously. Once I know that I'm accepted, I can usually stop the freakout cycle and refocus on what the other person needs. And give her positive feedback when she's done/said something that makes you feel better; finding out that she helped you is going to be a huge boost to her, and it should motivate her to find ways to do it again.

[@raylin2057]

Exellent! Can we get a darck side of ISFP?

[@bersendubiru906]

The result of my MBTI test is ISFJ. Twice, all my life. Did I very stabil? I mean, people can change right?

[@joannegild8001]

I am an INTP with an ISFJ boyfriend. He can be controlling, but when I set boundaries he accepts them.

[@danihall2039]

Yeah!!! More !!!

[@lovewho]

Noted! Feel free to join our discord, you might find it fun on there! ~ Nathan

[@nicolasdanek4225]

I've heard Joe Goldberg be considered INFJ too.

[@AsteyayogaFlowwithme]

Thanks. 🙏🏼

[@charitysbizarre4365]

Why is there no ISFJ merch?

[@lovewho]

Interesting. I think there's at least one piece of ISFJ merch on there, I believe it's a mug! ~ Nathan

[@charitysbizarre4365]

@@lovewho I tried several search terms especially after your reply to my comment - finally was successful with "isfj mug" but when I clicked on the only option the picture never populated...I blame Teespring 😏

[@username2872]

I think Seiko Osabe from Trails of Blood fits it

[@NoOne-wt6om]

I'm probably an ISFJ mistyped as INFP. I rarely help people and almost never control anyone but can I still be an ISFJ? I agree with the not leading change part but it's also matching with a symptom of autism and I have autism so it's hard to decide if it's due to Si dom or because of autism. Also, I have Fe related problems like I can't understand social dynamics and relationships are too foreign to me which makes me question if I'm really an ISFJ.

[@redhead_in_florida]

this is my (ENFJs) perfect type? hmm

[@t5396]

No, INTJ is your best match. Lol.

[@christineherrmann205]

@@t5396 😨😨😨

[@w8455]

Actually, some say it's intp

[@t5396]

@@christineherrmann205 INTJs have a thing for ENFJs and some ENFJs actually like us back. True story.

[@naturalinstinct4950]

dark ISFJ, henchmen of atrocity, "I was just following orders" guy. moral double standard hypocrite, extremely judgemental

[@FaintAura]

"I should be in therapy" -my ISFJ friend

[@siryoucantdothat9743]

You missed the part when they become sadistic from the paranoia they have so everything remain stagnant and stable

[@CaveyMoth]

I think my sister is an ISFJ. I hope she doesn't break my legs!

[@joyandrews3804]

I’m not sure I’m ISFJ because I don’t care about tradition. I also like a hug. I think I may be INFJ. Still not sure.

[@chioorochi]

My mom and I are both ISFJ lol can relate

[@teddmented]

I can’t even spell datta