My Boyfriend Was Rude To A Kind Employee Infront Of Me, Is This A Red Flag? r/Relationships

[@SK98765]

S2: Don't invite people who will make your wedding all about themselves. As with G, tell them blatently that G wears way too revealing clothes and has no sense of personal hygiene so there's no way you'll invite someone who doesn't dress or smell appropriate for a formal gathering.

[@heatherdickau5335]

Story 1- I grew up in Florida in the 70's and 80's. I remember seeing elderly people with number tattoos from the camps. Just Wow!

[@juliearmfield2634]

Yeah that is crazy that for I cannot comprehend anyone denying the Holocaust. I remember reading somewhere that one of the higher up in the military or government told photographers to get as many pictures as possible because people will try and deny this happened and we want photographic proof and so they did. I mean denying that is, I can't even comprehend

[@groofromtheup5719]

Some are still around. My wife had a woman in the nursing home she worked at that had gone through the camps as a girl. She still had nightmares.

[@MrsWheezer]

There was a teacher in my high school who was a holocaust survivor and my English teacher’s husband also survived a concentration camp. My grandfather was in Germany as a guard at the end of WWII. These holocaust deniers are INSANE when even American soldiers came home telling of the camps.

[@juliearmfield2634]

@@MrsWheezer I could not even begin to imagine the trauma and hell they went through. And for people to deny that they went through that and that it actually happened I can't even wrap my head around how someone can be so ignorant in such deep denial

[@imweakfordeaky]

One of my uncles was part of the Battle of the Bulge, then took part in the liberation of Buchenwald concentration camp - he was deeply traumatized by the entire experience to the point of refusing to talk about it… and I never once saw a true full smile or heard a belly laugh from him. The family says he was a completely different man after the war…😢

[@SkyEcho751]

Story 1: The sections of history that are up to interpretation are mostly ancient history where we got like 5 pots and a wall, or _really_ specific incidents/events that we lack enough information to clearly say what happened, like a settlement disappearing and not really knowing where they went for 100+ years. NOT one of the most well documented genocides in history, we have all the proof for that. He is like the people who claim Finland isn't real because of statistical reporting errors.(I forget the exact conspiracy theory but it was something like that)

[@pippo17173]

OK I'm now interested on that Finland isn't real conspiracy there lol.

[@Kris-wo4pj]

dude even that ancient history stuff isnt even up for interpretation half the time. like the Gilgamesh story we found so many sections of it they finally got the whole thing in full in the original language. apparently it was a writing assignment for scholars.

[@Jamlf]

@@Kris-wo4pjIt depends on the evidence that supports it. Like the comment about Prince if Egypt. Totally made up. The Mose’s story is totally made up. It was even disproven my archeologist from Israel. But talk to a Christian and they still believe is true. Sadly, even idiots can get something right once in awhile. In case of the slaver denier.

[@MisterNightfish]

People being rude to customer service / wait staff is the most reliable red flag I am aware of. Never met someone who yelled at a waitress/waiter for no reason but was otherwise just an amazing and loveable person.

[@pippo17173]

It should always be taken as what to expect if it gets worse like this one..

[@skyelindsey687]

Someone once yelled at me for wearing a thin blue line face mask on our appreciation day where first responders get a discount. He said that the officer stole his helmet and wanted him to die. I overheard him telling a customer the whole story. Turns out the officer confiscated the helmet because he was about to beat his GF with it right in front of the cops. And then he wanted to complain that my Goodwill didn’t have any motorcycle helmets at that moment. Like, I’m sorry but he’s lucky all the cop did was take the helmet since he was going to hit someone with it. If it was a cop having a bad day he probably would’ve been tazed if not shot.

[@Warbles_]

“What’s up Kanye” 😭😭😭

[@renaeodonnell4558]

Story 2. Just elope. That way future sister in law can’t get her way.

[@poohbear4515]

That’s not even a red flag, that’s already an atomic explosion of red warnings.

[@scarletassassin523]

Just like what happened in Japan

[@maurer3d]

Story 2 (before update): NTA, it is your wedding and you have the right to invite only the people you want. But this SIL will make the day about herself no matter what you do. If you let her bring this person she will make sure everyone watches them, if she comes without this person she will make a big deal about not having her there. it is a lose, Lose, Lose situation.. No matter your choice you can't win or even be content. My advise would be to uninvite her, but with how she is the golden child that would most likely result in MIL and FIL not coming either.

[@MrArielK]

Yes, that what all couples want, start a new family on the corpse of your family, it’s a good thing they went through divorce once, that’s gonna make harder(also very uncommon) to separate because of family drama /s

[@SerenEirian]

Before reading: Yes. After reading: Nuclear missile dodged.

[@scarletassassin523]

More like an atomic bomb

[@jaymel4691]

​@@scarletassassin523lol, a nuclear missile is an atomic bomb, just attached to a rocket!

[@kateemma22]

I love how the boyfriend in story 1 went from ‘gross’ to ‘omg set it on fire!’ real fast. Gross people have layers and sometimes the last one is anti-semitism.

[@alana.dyer.author]

I have access to a few flame throwers.... don't ask...

[@ilidan584]

"sometimes the last one is anti-semitism"

[@chunkychick5193]

I need a third and possibly 4th update for story #2

[@susankaempfer8427]

😂 same

[@1964Puddles]

@chunkychick5193 me too!!

[@cindykq8086]

Sure hope we get an update on the last story. I hope OP and her husband elope and have a very small group of actual loved (and living) ones with them when they do so. Screw the screwy in-laws.

[@mikeremski2102]

I'd be fine with saying "Ok, fine, none of you are invited. I'm inviting random people off the street to represent my family, hire people to play mother/father of the groom"

[@susankaempfer8427]

Let’s be real, if OP and her SIL’s spouse collective have to be invited in order to get mommy and daddy to come, they will not be there to support fiancé on his wedding day, they will be there to support SIL on fiancé’s wedding day.

[@mweathers79]

S2 before the update: yeah I don’t think I’d want to invite anyone from his side of the family. These people are weird and unhinged and WAY too involved. I’m getting some serious “family activities” vibes from these people.

[@littlestrawberryfaery]

Story 2: if G smells and doesn't dress appropriately then yeah I get why op wouldn't want G there. But I'd tell G what I think

[@skyelindsey687]

And I can tell you exactly how that will go. OP will tell her and G will start crying that OP is homophobic, transphobic, and fatphobic as well as racist and any other phobic or ist you can call someone.

[@tearlaanna]

I'm here at work listening to you read stories with my headphones. I always comment out loud and hopefully ask "Update?!" after each story. Thankfully noone is around to hear, what I suspect, is crazy one sided banter.😂

[@catsncrows]

S1 gets my vote for the most that escalated quickly story of the week

[@piratsnygg]

I think that the person who said most holocaust deniers come from outside of Europe is right. Even growing up in Sweden, in the 90's, we had two different holocaust survivours come and speak to kids about their experiences. One in 5th grade (Flora Gladh) and one somewhere between 7th-9th (I unfortunately don't remember his name). And every other year they arranged school trips to Auschwitz. Maybe it was partly because of the huge rise of neo-nazis in Sweden during the late 80's and early 90's, but this was part of the curriculum.

[@MrsWheezer]

Americans have zero excuse. Our freaking SOLDIERS came back home telling about what they saw (my grandfather among them). I’m convinced there is some sort mental health issue that makes people want to be ‘smarter than everyone else’ so they cling to these insane conspiracy theories.

[@NakaidaBeauzec]

And Palestinians are being made to pay for the holocaust

[@Standinthegap4ever]

As it should be everywhere! Except for the trips to the camps, as that would be nearly impossible for those in the US. But students in the US should also be taught how FDR & his cronies refused to let a boat carrying Jewish refugees disembark passengers & made the boat turn around. People need to stop denying these things happened.

[@brandonawesome4900]

I had a holocaust survivor come to my hometown to do a presentation or something, I live in a small college citytown in Mississippi. But that was only because our area is kinda famous and cares a lot about education, but the places around us don't really seem to care.

[@piratsnygg]

@@brandonawesome4900 That's great your hometown did that! (And tragic that those other places don't care.)

[@doorlocke8009]

When I was in high school I went to a holocaust museum. The lady who welcomed our group to the museum was one of the prisoners of a camp (can't remember which anymore) and she showed us the tattoo they gave her for her number. Honestly speaking the holocaust was kind of just a chapter in history class up until that point, meeting and getting a chance to actually speak with someone who lived through those events made the whole thing real in a way it never had been before.

[@juliearmfield2634]

Story 2. Nta. I would not want that circus at my wedding for nothing. Anyone that can't figure out what the hell they are is going to bring nothing but drama. Which is exactly what G and the sister-in-law want. That's what they do for all the attention to be on themselves

[@johnbradbury8610]

Op is getting a preview of her new life if the fiance doesn't man up and deal with his AH family. His parents are a big part of the problem. He is an adult. He is going to have to learn to stand up to gaslighting.

[@poohbear4515]

I’m surprised OP lasted that long. But If I was her and dealt with all that migraine inducing agony, I’d be straight with him. Either get help for his past abuse and go complete NC with those worst excuse of parents, and their spoiled golden bitch brat, or live with them without me to deal with it cause I’m done. But something tells me he is too afraid to never stand up to them, which is sad if it’s true.

[@juliearmfield2634]

@@poohbear4515 if they want a chance for this marriage to survive and to keep their sanity they will have to cut these crazy people out and go no contact. For their sake I hope they do they should just elope and say F them all.

[@pippo17173]

@@juliearmfield2634 I hate she just can't dump his butt but I legit think op's husband might be a good person who just unfortionly got abuse to be raise by his entitled spawn of saten.

[@juliearmfield2634]

@@pippo17173 yeah he was definitely raised by the spawn of something

[@Sclasspsycho]

As someone with ASD and works retail, I have 2 layers of personas going on when I’m working. I really get pissed when someone says something about my retail voice.

[@skyelindsey687]

I have a retail voice too. My former coworkers said they could always tell when I was just done because of how sickly sweet my tone was.

[@mikeremski2102]

Some people are loud talkers; I think they had to compete with siblings to be heard. "Shushing" is as bad as "snap my fingers and you will come serve me".

[@MorganVsTheInternet]

2- NTA, I wouldn’t want G or SIL at the wedding! Their poly relationship isn’t the issue it’s the lack of boundaries and appropriate attire/ hygiene!

[@jusaminit]

Tell my dead family members they didn't exist

[@maxinemyers9215]

Thanks Markee and the OP in story 1 had to definitely leave that ass!!

[@lucyann1573]

Honestly, I'd just elope and have an awesome afterparty with my friends and parents

[@kyriacarica5862]

Markee and I had the very same reaction to OP 1’s “open to interpretation” comment

[@KH-tx6lg]

The wedding is a "no-win" situation. If SIL can't bring G, she will whine about it as loud as she can. If she brings her, G will make you regret it. If you can live with the consequences, don't invite SIL.

[@Mr.andMrs.Smith_0420]

Story 2- Cut these disgusting people out of your life 🤮

[@plantemor]

The comedic timing of the update "so i found out he's a holocaust denier". 😂

[@Amna613]

S2: Elope. Simple. Stop wasting your money on other people. Go on a luxurious honeymoon.

[@jessicamarshall1975]

S1: Yes. Yes it is a red flag. After Update: Holy fucking hell. Nuclear middle dodged. Also yeah, I’m European (specifically British) and I my school ran at least two trips to concentration camps when I was there and we did multiple trips to the war museum. We had a massive informational display each year for Holocaust Memorial Day.

[@agentzapdos4960]

I did Nazi that coming.

[@pippo17173]

Always always be happy when a red flag appears no matter how small it is. Because it shows you how it could snowball to something big like this.

[@amemooress6291]

Story 1 - Saying that Holocaust deniers must be Americans, not Europeans, is silly. David John Cawdell Irving is an English author, historian, and a Holocaust denier. He was born in 1938, so he was even alive during WW2. It just goes to show you that ignorance transcends nationality and age 😂😂😂

[@Standinthegap4ever]

Usually you can “make” someone lower the volume of their voice by lowering the volume of your own. He handled it wrong.

[@dominicwehrmann8515]

„25 of our closest friends and family“ - boy, my family and friends total maybe 10…

[@skyelindsey687]

I can think of 25 people that are part of my fiancé’s and my social circle. But that’s simply because he still talks to most of his extended family.

[@uiuna1]

7:02 my mom and grandparents went to some of the camps when they went to Europe on separate occasions, partly b/c the area they grew up had a huge Jewish community. i remember my mom telling me that when they went it was a bright sunny day, except the camp, it was overcast, then it was sunny again once they got further away, the same thing happened to my grandparents a few months later. as she said, "it's like the sun refuses to shine on such evil."

[@hyzenthlayrose2176]

"I found out he was a Holocasut denier" DUDE. My stomach just did a summersault from hearing that (I'm Jewish so I have strong reactions to hearing the words "Holocaust denier" 😬)

[@hyzenthlayrose2176]

Seriously though that dude was obviously an asshole but absolutely nothing could've prepared me for that, holy shit Also "Sup, Kanye?" 🤣

[@radfordra]

Damn that first story took a turn

[@gokucomplex]

story 2: I haven’t heard the comments yet so maybe this is controversial but i do think op is the the asshole a little bit. not because she didn’t invite the other partner but because of what she was saying about the pronouns. I am binary trans man, and i’ve been transitioning for about 6 years now, and in my early transition a lot of people they/themed me constantly. It honestly made me hate they/them pronouns they feel the same as she for me now. if they say it’s he just use he it’s easier then causing more friction. other then that yea nta for not inviting the partner anyways

[@gokucomplex]

or just use the name if you don’t want to use the pronouns

[@skyelindsey687]

But if you had listened to the comments you would know that since the party G had been flip flopping between she/her and he/him pronouns. So the politically correct thing to do in the moment and for posting sake she used they/them. Also all the accounts I’ve heard from actual trans people said the last thing they would do was wear a dress like that when questioning their gender identity. You can tell by all of their actions that most likely G isn’t trans and is just attention seeking. One good tell is when SIL tried to pick a fight as OP’s fiancé was leaving a family party by going “I have 2 husbands and they’re both going to your wedding.” And what is the best way to get attention right now, to come out as a part of the lgbt+ community, specifically trans.

[@lisakaz35]

That story 1 AH needs to read about the Wansee Conference, for one. Two, why did David Irving lose his lawsuit against Deborah Lipstadt?

[@kateemma22]

I doubt he can read.

[@lenax9798]

Maybe im stupid but ..? G:"im male-presenting, call me he/him" Also G: wears revealing dress, badingadoos on full display

[@skyelindsey687]

It also states she was flip flopping on what pronouns to use. A good tell that she’s just attention seeking and not actually trans.

[@rhondasisco-cleveland2665]

1-😮 how can you deny THAT? Last- OP seems to be in the midst of a cluster of narcissistic people. Shut out the monkeys.

[@oliverspencer2411]

Story 2: i kinda have to womder why OP is willing to claim that her SIL is attention seeking and has munchhausens but isnt willing to go into detail beyond that, and is willing to call SIL's other partner "originally a woman" and then say he wants to be referred to in masculine terms, but then said his identity changes a lot and insists they/ them is more respectful. And the budget is apparently meant to be a filter for people they dont want at the wedding, but then somehow OP was expecting FIL to offer financial support to the wedding?

[@spibow]

Yeah. The ops choice of language put me on edge a little. The issues with dress and hygiene for G make perfect sense, and that the parents do seem to side with the sister to an unreasonable degree, but I guess I'm a little paranoid from being constantly spoken to and about using similar language as a way to demean me for my identity and struggles

[@oliverspencer2411]

@@LostSoulchild89 did you?

[@oliverspencer2411]

​​@@LostSoulchild89OP literally wrote "my theory was he planned to offer to help pay for the wedding so our budget would be a non-issue"

[@oliverspencer2411]

​@@LostSoulchild89now maybe it's just me, but if I don't ask for money I don't expect anyone to offer

[@skyelindsey687]

@@oliverspencer2411she didn’t expect anyone to offer though. Her future father in law literally stated because she didn’t ask them to provide financial support then their budget must be bs and have an underlying cause. And news flash, people can offer to cover some/all of your wedding without you asking them for financial support. It’s called being a supporting family member who has the money to do so. But the thing is 9/10 those that demand to help also use the money as a carrot to get their way. Such as “well I paid for it so you have to have a meal that’s what I like” or “I paid for it so you have to invite 20 of my friends that you’ve never met and most likely will never see again”. There’s literally hundreds of posts on Reddit exactly like that and the outcome is usually giving the money back and having the wedding they originally budgeted for if not just eloping to avoid the drama

[@annelivalkama7451]

My grandparents are Finnish, and I don't know my dad's side, so I don't have any connection to the Holocaust. But I still have deep sadness for what Hitler did to the Jews back in the 30's and 40's. Anyone who doesn't believe in that event doesn't deserve my friendship or compassion. P.S. I'm not Jewish either but I find the religion interesting.

[@kichikitsu]

S2 (prior to any updatees): yeah, YTA. Just uninvite SIL, not resort to prejudice against polyamory lmao. Would you have not allowed her any plus one if her legal husband was also someone you barely knew like G? No? If she's a golden child anyways and so attention-seeking, literally WHY would you choose her over people you actually wanted to invite? This entire thing is stupid. She has the right to be upset at something that discriminates against her relationship, and you have the right to just not invite any combo of the three.

[@skyelindsey687]

Probably because her fiancé wanted his sister there. You do realize in a healthy relationship the guest list is comprised of both the bride’s AND the groom’s friends and family. No one person has more of a say over the guest list than the other. Most rational people would try to work an issue out before uninviting a partner’s guest. ETA: also would you want someone you literally never met before at your wedding. Especially when your first time meeting them they smelt like they hadn’t bathed in a week and wore a stripper dress to a family event as well as all but having sex on the couch in front of family.

[@mauricioprocopio8841]

At work, having a great time listening.

[@xplayfan21]

And also reddit getting mad at the OP for sort of miss Gendering g Is typical SJW reddit

[@skyelindsey687]

@@LostSoulchild89because they/them is used only for non-binary people and most definitely wasn’t used for centuries to point out someone when you couldn’t discern their gender (/s). But on a serious note seeing as she’s swapping pronouns like a toddler deciding what mythical creature they’re gonna be that day I highly suspect she’s just a lesbian who is pulling attention seeking behavior.

[@wraith176]

His a soosher Jerry!

[@ajzephyros7454]

Yikes on Bikes

[@agentzapdos4960]

S1: I guess she did Nazi that coming.

[@skyelindsey687]

🤦🏻‍♀️

[@xplayfan21]

Story #2 G. sounds like a fake trans Person to me And sister-in-law is like a weird version of a bisexual person Mostly in the weird category get away from that circus immediately

[@Rose-yt5hi]

Yeah. I have no problem with people being whatever they want to be… but they gotta be consistent about it. Lmao. Otherwise, what the heck?

[@skyelindsey687]

@@Rose-yt5hiyep. Be consistent and I’ll respect your pronouns. Go through them like you’re a child playing dress up/choosing candy and I’m gonna go with how you look and dress. Tits hanging out and wearing a stripper dress=female=she/her pronouns.

[@mweathers79]

S1 Before the update: I think OP is overthinking this. Sounds like BF was just tired, probably cranky, and just reacted. OP has officially “seen him at his worst” up to this point. It’s really not that bad, she’s just triggered due to personal traumas (which I get, I’ve worked retail for a loooonnngg time). After the update: yeah, 2 seconds in and I’m 😵 . How can anyone deny this?

[@groofromtheup5719]

Even w/o the update, he was a condescending jerk. I'd not want any of my kids getting hitched to a condescending jerk like that.

[@johnbradbury8610]

Sounds like you're one of those types of customers.

[@mweathers79]

@@groofromtheup5719 you’re looking at one bad moment. Would you want to be judged as a whole on your worst moment?

[@groofromtheup5719]

@@mweathers79 it ceased to be a moment the second he didn't apologize when his rudeness was pointed out. Nope, instead he doubled down. That became a pattern of behavior.

[@Standinthegap4ever]

Your fiancé & his family are Jewish? Mommydearest accused her own son of being an antisemite?!!!! Your fiancé should remind her that the Torah (Old Testament for non Jews) specifically states that his sister’s lifestyle would have required death by stoning. If she’s going to “pull the Jewish card” then she needs to adhere to the laws, tenets etc… outlined by the Tanakh/Torah

[@KadeStringer2.0]

Story 2: I will never support people’s decisions including sister in law’s . Also sister in law doesn’t have two husbands but she has one husband and a lesbian girlfriend .

[@oliverspencer2411]

You have more control over your words than an LGBT+ person has over their identity. Im not a fan of attention seeking behavior, and frankly i think being rude about someone's identity is pretty attention seeking

[@skyelindsey687]

@@oliverspencer2411she’s flip flopping her pronouns as if she’s a toddler deciding if they’re a mermaid or a fairy that day. That alone is evidence she’s not actually trans and is just attention seeking. If you’re actually trans/nonbinary I’ll respect your pronouns, but her behavior and manner of dress is not that of any trans man I have watched on the internet speak out about their transition. Every last one of them having stated the last thing they wanted to do was wear overly feminine clothing while questioning.

[@raptoress6131]

Story 2: sounds like your average "genderqueer", avoid

[@skyelindsey687]

And that’s the problem with self ID (9/10 right now they aren’t actually trans and are just attention seekers) . She, and yes she’s a she, wants the attention on her so she has decided she’s a trans man that dresses like a girl and chooses not to bathe or dress appropriately to draw attention to her. SIL also only has one husband by law and a girlfriend that identifies as a boy but still dresses as a girl. If she still insists her girlfriend comes then sis can be uninvited.

[@robertx8020]

Please don't use LGBTQ+ as some golden shield to get away with crappy behavior Respect their choices? YES!!! Is there some reason to bent every rule to please them (like in the wedding story? ) NO! Equal doens't mean -> 'more rights' but 'same rights'

[@deballen7031]

My thoughts, too and it's also a simple matter of respect towards others. 😊

[@MrArielK]

Story 2 YTA, bridezila on your 2nd weeding...

[@MrArielK]

@@LostSoulchild89it cuts both ways, it’s a simple request that will cost the family relationship, as petty as it sounds

[@skyelindsey687]

NTA for not wanting someone she hadn’t met before that day to be invited to her limited wedding. And also would you really want someone who wore a stripper dress to a family event, hadn’t bathed in at least a week, and was all but having sex on the couch in front of family invited to your wedding. It doesn’t matter that she/he/they are dating her future SIL. And they are not husband and wife, they aren’t even wife and wife, they are girlfriend and (whatever they identify as at that moment in time)friend. And seeing as she’s flip flopping pronouns like a child choosing what candy they want I’m gonna go with how she was dressed, which was feminine.

[@kiraalexandraruizburgos1236]

🦐

[@TheDarwinProject1]

Story 1: sounds like autistic-rude. He may be autistic, causing the hearing sensitivity. Its still super rude either way. He really needs to work on his social/communication skills. Lots of autistic boys/men get targeted by the "manosphere", which includes anti-semitism. Could have been homeschooled. There will be a huge chunk of autistic genes not added to the next generation, which *is* a tragedy. Story 2. OP needs to correct SIL's invite to not be +1, but rather a separate, specific invite for BIL. Otherwise, she may still bring G. While its awkward, it would be good to bluntly explain WHY they don't like G. A wedding is not the place to see if SIL & G will come appropriately.

[@juliearmfield2634]

Story 1. If you cannot handle a customer saying nothing more than the Shish then you should not be working with the public. I've worked in customer service and retail for 25 years and there are some service workers that are very annoying and pushy. He conveyed the message leave me alone don't talk without being mean

[@Gale_Storm_]

"Without being mean" would've been "No, we're okay. Thanks." You know, like any reasonable person would do? I bet he's the same type of customer who'd yell at an employee for not immediately addressing him the nanosecond he actually needs help.

[@bhutehole]

Ikr? I've worked nothing but customer service. That ssh was nothing

[@momochan8920]

That’s not the point. The woman didn’t do anything, or even really seem offended. It’s op whose reasonably upset, and he should be called out for bad behavior

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

juliearmfield2634 and bhutehole, you both come across as holier-than-thou for reasons that truly elude me. If either of you truly worked in the service industry, then why the hell are you two going out of your way to invalidate the same experience of others in your field? If you two want to play gatekeeper so badly, do it in your own ego cannibalizing echo chambers.

[@juliearmfield2634]

@@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement well thank you for the compliment you have a good day

[@ronhawkins7408]

Story one... What a bunch of snowflakes!!!

[@Hiimreggie]

PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED TO NOT WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE SHIT