Hilariously Real Tweets That Perfectly Sum Up Marriage | Memes Time

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[@janiceherrera1825]

When my husband and I first got married, he worked at a men's clothing store. He told me I was ironing his shirts wrong. He's been ironing his shirts for 41 years now!

[@ladyd3187]

My husband and I came to the understanding that if you criticize a job your partner is doing, then that becomes YOUR JOB. We have been happily married for 39 years😉

[@geraldfrost4710]

I know a couple who've been married 50+ years. He's def in his right ear. Car rides are no problem!

[@pokemaster7200]

I may not be married but these are funnier than other memes I see

[@xczechr]

1:07 Netflix adultery is no joke.

[@kenkahre9262]

Mine was, "Hey the top of the refrigerator is dirty!" Three guesses how that turned out.

[@Kayenne54]

You broke it, you fix it. You spill it, you clean it. You see it, you clean it up, sir. You don't see it, and next week you'll fall over a huge pile of something.

[@khulood1518]

1)you clean it up... 2)it was cleaned by u...3)u were tired and the fridge is clean

[@haroldwilkes6608]

You bought a new fridge?

[@idkwhodos2840]

@@haroldwilkes6608 I think it was in the movie Apollo 13; after a party the wife groans 'the house is a mess. Let's buy a new one!' I use that line a lot!😂

[@108wee]

It IS ok to sleep on separate beds as a married couple! 😅

[@einienj3281]

And separate rooms too.. snoring drove me nuts.. and neighbors too..

[@alzabeesww]

After 45 years, that’s what I want in our next place.

[@melancolielupine2023]

I'm blessed with a quiet sleeping bf but damn, I can't with snoring. It drives me NUTS. I couldn't handle it. Married people sometimes need to sleep in separated rooms, don't let anybody try to convince you otherwise, it's your quality of sleep that is endangered, not theirs

[@RioMuc]

My dad's uncle and aunt always slept in separate rooms and had six children. Their marriage lasted 72 years!

[@hothotheat3000]

If you criticize how they do something without offering a solution, you’re asking for trouble. Automatically puts them on the defense.

[@cfcthegreatesttherecanbe7863]

Hilarious. Having been married for over 20 years, a lot of these I can relate to.

[@carlamarlene2927]

That first one! Hubby said I didnt wash the socks right. Its been his job for the last 16 years!

[@belfastmafia]

my g/f always steals my french fries, especially when she didnt want anything for herself. plot twist, i dont like skinny fries and only get them for her to steal

[@diosayudame3021]

You know the honeymoons over when you're shaving and she comes in sits down and takes her crap

[@melancolielupine2023]

Wtf lol I'm with my bf for 9 years, and he NEVER EVER saw me taking a poop It will never happen unless under torture lol

[@svenska81]

Yep, caught my ex re-ironing a shirt because I didn’t do it well enough. It was the last shirt I ironed.

[@greedyreaderishere5869]

It's better , I have a burned skirt and that's the last cloth I ironed too

[@melancolielupine2023]

''The secret of marriage is finding someone who's chores preferences complement yours'' Oh yes. That's it lol

[@kathleen2754]

This has got to be the only one of these kind of videos I have laughed the whole way thru. Thank you for the giggles 👍👍👍

[@rolltidelbc2832]

I fecked up on my wife and my first laundry day being married. I was in the military so you fold small to make the most out of limited space. She caught me refolding the towels. Now, she just throws them on my side of the bed for me to fold. There should be a marriage manual…

[@haroldwilkes6608]

Roll her bras and pantyhose for her...that'll stop that.

[@geraldfrost4710]

@@haroldwilkes6608 Refrigerate her bras. You'll only have to do it once. (have a camera ready)

[@LornaHartman]

@@geraldfrost4710 You'll definitely only do that once. :D Remember not to eat anything she cooks after that.

[@geraldfrost4710]

@@LornaHartman Yeah. Pranks on a spouse come back to haunt a guy. Always. um, my way of thinking through a problem is to throw out dozens of ideas. Most of them are bad, that one was REALLY bad! IRL I would never do that. The best thing to do is marry someone neater than you are, and you'll never notice the problem. There may BE a problem, but you'll never notice. Years ago I was at the home of an elderly couple. She'd made dinner for me, so I tried to help with the washing up. I wasn't able to help, because she had a system different than the one I'd been taught as a husband. She opened the under-sink-door to scrape the plate, and found a paper plate from lunch with a napkin and fork attached. She calmly took the fork out and placed it in the sink for washing. I looked at her quizzically, and she pointed at her husband, who was already flipping channels. He'd married someone neater than he was, by an order of magnitude! Okay, so marry someone close to your level of messiness/cleanness. If you go to their house after drinks, and to get to the bed you walk across a ten layer drift of dirty clothes, that's a solid data point about "do I want to live with this person?"

[@geoffpriestley7001]

The old say is women love a man in uniform He can cook, sew , clean ,wash and iron but most of all he obeys orders

[@beholdenages]

I've been married almost 2 years, so I guess I have something to look forward to in the coming years.

[@haroldwilkes6608]

If you've survived two years, my guess is you'll be fine.

[@christins.1481]

I been married 20 years. My husband still puts white clothes with colored clothes in the wash. If you say you'll do it yourself on a hiccup, you'll be doing a lot of stuff. Best thing to do is just call a truce and ignore the imperfections.

[@geraldfrost4710]

@@christins.1481 Best to realize you yourself are imperfect. One reason to get married is to have someone point out your flaws so you know where you can improve. It's a small reason, but it's somewhere down the list.

[@5Demona5]

I'm watching these before getting married. Gotta go in ready. Edit: Thank you everyone 🥰

[@onyx747]

Congratulations on getting married!

[@5Demona5]

@@onyx747 Thank youuu 🥰🥰🥰

[@onyx747]

@@5Demona5 :D

[@sunnyxflower8107]

Congratulations!! 🎉

[@5Demona5]

@@sunnyxflower8107 Thank youuu

[@vrlord7949]

The best method to get rid of a task you don't like to do ist to do ist badly so someone else will do it

[@user-ph4mg1mh9c]

😄👍🏼My Dad used to call it crafty daffy

[@SanjayMerchant]

The real trick is to do it badly enough that you won't be asked again, but not so badly that they realize you're screwing it up on purpose.

[@SanjayMerchant]

@@user-iz2cb2kj4g True. If I'm being absolutely serious, I'm not about to screw over friends or family by forcing a duplication of effort. If it's something I genuinely refuse to do, I'll just... refuse to do it. I just intended some silly joking along with the "lol dysfunctional couples" meme. (Which, yes, becomes a problem if you fall into the "it's funny cause it's true" fallacy; I might be too optimistic about people's ability to tell the difference.)

[@vbee3571]

That’s been working for my husband for 40 years!!

[@dobbins2550]

Yes, you do. She will cheat on you, and take everything from you. When she asks for a divorce, you are fucked. Go look at the statistics on how biased the courts are in favor of women. How many times a week do you apologize for something versus how many times does she? Do you apologize first? Do you ask permission to spend the money you earned? Do you ask permission to hang out with your friends?

[@nesianhoney94]

Dan's wife can give the finger with her eyes...wish my eyes didn't say so much 🥺. My husband said to me, he knows what ppl mean by if looks could kill. I WAS SO SORRY. It was quite heated. I have taken very hard steps to be a better communicator and not keep everything bottled.

[@haroldwilkes6608]

I brought a punching bag in for my people at the office for that very reason...when the bag went "whappa, whappa, whap", you knew you had pushed too hard.

[@realjoleaco]

I follow most of these people on twitter, and am now realising that I miss so many of their tweets. At least I get to see them here. 😊

[@geraldfrost4710]

A great way to start an argument is to ask your guy "did you notice anything different?" No, we didn't! But if you insist on asking, we'll answer with nonsense. "Your hair is a different color?" "We have one less child?" "You're not wearing your dentures?" "You vacuumed?" "You shaved your pits." "The room smells fresher." "Where did my spare ammo go?" "You put a new battery in the remote!" "When did you get the nose job!" "Doesn't your mother have a shirt lie that?" The rule is you can't say the same thing twice, ever.

[@sleepycalico]

You are THE BEST. lol

[@janes9055]

The one about finding things in a handbag: my solution was to make my own handbag. It has 5 zipped pockets, 6 separate unzipped sections, a D-ring to hang my car keys on and three more D-rings to let me attach my wallet and card holders in the bag on a length of cord so I can't easily lose them! Bag designers take note this is the kind of bag parents and carers need.

[@einienj3281]

My bag is a black hole.. 😄🙈 There's everything You could ever need, but finding them is a challenge for the champions.. 😄

[@priscillamoore5736]

@ Jane S - That handbag sounds *WONDERFUL!!* You could go into business making handbags if you wanted...

[@janes9055]

@@priscillamoore5736 If you have basic sewing skills making bags is fairly straightforward- I learnt by watching sewingtimes channel, she makes lots of bags and purses and I just adapted her methods to make what I needed. I also made a bag to hang on the back of my husband's wheelchair to hold all his medical stuff.

[@priscillamoore5736]

@@janes9055 I keep forgetting about KZbin tutorials and similar. It sounds like you have the Cadillac of handbags, now! 😁 Do you have a commercial sewing machine?

[@janes9055]

@@priscillamoore5736 my sewing machine is a 25 year old domestic machine made by Bernina. I make my bags out of denim (old jeans) and cotton fabric (like you would quilt with) for linings. Add in the bag stiffening (usually use firm interfacing or wadding) and if necessary a waterproofing layer (I used the fabric from a broken umbrella) and your machine needs to be able to sew about 8 layers which a good domestic machine will.

[@haroldwilkes6608]

Marriage is like a three year old boy finding out he's going to be a "brother"...part dream part nightmare.

[@priscillamoore5736]

*2:20* Seeing which spouse can avoid emptying the trash...*same* *3:05* "Sleeping beauty" and the puppy...LOL

[@melvin8435]

I stan a powerful mermaid tho :D

[@tanjafransman8680]

Poor Dan Regan seems to be struggling!

[@popazz1]

Thank Christ I live alone is all I can say!

[@immortalsofar5314]

GF and I at a street event in Seattle. Long line for the ladies, no line for the gents. I come out, hold the door and say "There you go, Bob.". She walks into the gents with a gruff "How's it going?" After that, the ladies' line moved almost twice as fast - maybe I could have started a business selling fake beards!

[@corthew]

"toilet paper roll in the over position"? Uh huh...I've had a dog, a cat and a 3 year old that at various times enjoyed the pile of toilet paper that mounds up so quickly with so little effort when its loaded over. I learned eventually and toilet paper pulls from under in my house now. To anyone thinking, "that's unsanitary", I say what crazy bathroom ritual do you follow that makes the toilet paper unsanitary in one direction but not the other.

[@rogersledz6793]

Thank you so much for uploading this video. It is helping me get through the pandemic!

[@einienj3281]

These are very relatable! All of them! 😄😄😄

[@ylfe8061]

The first guy complaining about him having to be in charge of the dishwasher... Dude, I don't even have a dishwasher. I have to wash dishes by hand.

[@pearlofthedarkage]

I was afraid to click on this one because marriage tweet compilations usually just feature stuff that's either too snarky, mean, or outright sexist. I was pleasantly surprised! Thank you. ♥

[@gregdaweson4657]

Women are quite demanding.

[@arlenesecrist354]

Love it , funny .

[@atrophyqueen6168]

I love the powerful mermaid one. So cute.

[@Leelz247]

So a spouse is just one step up from annoying room mate? Got it!

[@einienj3281]

*Annoying roommate who You love dearly 😄

[@davidbeaulieu4815]

The Secret to a happy marriage is a prenuptial agreement

[@ritaharris2372]

My husband repeats everything I say as though he thought of it himself.

[@AwesomeMusicLady]

My parents have the argument where mom writes x thing on the grocery list so dad buys that thing and them mom complains it’s the wrong brand. Dad says no brand was specifically listed on the list. One time he bought a different brand of paper towels. Mom said just buy me the brand you’ve been buying the last two decades that we’ve lived in this country. Dad has no idea what brand she was talking about. A week later he came back with the right brand of paper towels. I still remember this specific argument about the paper towels.

[@sleepycalico]

lol

[@voicesoftheoutworld3617]

OMFG!!!! Some of these are so wrong yet so funny!!

[@deborahmccoy47]

Alot of problems can be solved by separate bedrooms. The WHOLE bed is my now! That's my stuff, all of it.

[@enakshiparua836]

3:04 😂😂😂👏👏👏

[@mamapoch1915]

I have but two words. Toooooooooo funny!

[@123shortkarma___9]

4:52 - There is a game. It's called "bring me... "

[@enakshiparua836]

5:15 👏👏👏😆😆😆😆😆

[@enakshiparua836]

1:14 😂😂😂😂

[@a.morrigan5870]

Hmmm, apparently I don't iron the right way, 1st time I was told how to do it, I handed it to the expert and have never touched an iron since.

[@alzabeesww]

I have a co-worker whose hubby got brave enough to tell her that the yoga pants she loved wearing were see through when she bent forward in them. After the initial shock ... Her: You know what this means, don’t you? Him: uhm, no. Her: It means I have to find a new Yoga class! Her timing relaying the story just fractured me. I was happy to hear that he suffered no ill effects.

[@jws1948ja]

there are so many doomed marriages.

[@impishtwink8144]

makes me happy that some of these are lgbtq

[@cisium1184]

5:28 Thanks but "you pick a side of the bed on the first date" is more personal information than we signed up for, sweetheart.

[@davoq8706]

None of these are "hilariously real tweets" because they come from the same few people and they change from wife to husband and back again. As usual the internet is a lie.

[@lohphat]

Don't want to do the dishes ever again? Break one of her grandmother's crystal glasses. Permanent ban.

[@kenbergelt6975]

I went outside to see my wife washing her car jokingly I said you missed a spot she turns and throw the wash glove to me and said I told ya you were better at washing the cars thanks oh yeah your better at cutting the grass today also. Lmao I cut the grass normally anyway but hadn't planned on it that.. KINDA FUNNY HOW THAT PLAYED OUT FOR ME!! LOVE YOU HONEY

[@P.M.P.181]

Hey stranger!!! ❤

[@anitahaviland3036]

My husband and I nerd a wife!

[@firashidar510]

More racial and queer diversity than i see on tv

[@hollischeblume6393]

ok, a quick reminder for everyone: divorce exists, nobody is forcing you to be married to someone you don't like, toxic relationship is not a good relationship

[@brendaworthington5423]

Point taken, but you have to laugh at these! (Happily married 45 years, btw....)

[@hollischeblume6393]

@@brendaworthington5423 sometimes I feel like marriage is something always forced, sometimes I feel like marriage is bad but it's all because of those people who are married to someone you hate (thank you my mom, I will never forget how you insult every family member...)

[@soupsgord]

None of these are toxic though, all in mutual good fun. :)

[@haroldwilkes6608]

Among the couples I know, the happiest are the one's who fight like cats and dogs, then laugh about it.

[@paulk.794]

@@haroldwilkes6608🤤

[@Bllue]

I hate these content farms but I like the tweets and memes

[@gubjorggisladottir3525]

About that picky eater (1:19) I am nearly 60 years old... and possible more "picky" than he is. LOL. Does any one know how it hurts when one ignores one´s body and swallows that food the body does not want... and gets to hurl everything up again... until the stomach is totally empty of food, drink and even all the bile that should never been hurtled up.... Being picky is just necessary to avoid having your stomach emptying itself.

[@toolmanthetim7042]

I've never been married, but i've had a lot of wives. none were my wife, they were other guy's wives, but i had them, damn it!

[@dirttdude]

Gentlemen..... Never do a good job with the dishes! do a terrible job washing, terrible job putting them away

[@DontStopBrent]

Funny vid. Unfortunately, the music effing ruined it.

[@eviemunoz5601]

Dude just turn your sound off

[@bmck5002]

Not interested in your hateful propaganda. That's racist.