Raising a Child with Aspergers: Kathy Lette at TEDxKingsCollegeLondon

Kathy Lette first achieved success as a teenager with the novel "Puberty Blues" which was made into a major film and a TV mini-series. After several years as a newspaper columnist and television sitcom writer in L.A. and N.Y, she wrote twelve international bestsellers including "Mad Cows" (the film starred Joanna Lumley and Anna Friel), "How to Kill Your Husband and Other Handy Household Hints" (recently staged by the Victorian Opera), "To Love, Honour and Betray", "The Boy Who Fell To Earth" and "Love is Blind." Her novels have been published in seventeen languages. Kathy appears regularly as a guest on the BBC and CNN News. She is an ambassador for Women and Children First, Plan International and the White Ribbon Alliance. In 2004 she was the London Savoy Hotel's Writer in Residence where a cocktail named after her can still be ordered.
Kathy Lette invites us into her life as a mother raising a son with Aspergers. In a talk full of comedy and pathos she relates how this candid personal story inspired her successful thirteenth novel 'The boy who fell to earth'.
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In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

[@msjkramey]

to all the people hating on this woman... she was deflecting and nervous because she knew this wasn't her story to tell. but the story she is telling is one of a frightened mother who was in love with her baby and scared that the world wasn't kind or good enough for her child

[@liseernie]

She is a bewildered mother of an autistic son (as i am) and its very painful to talk about so she is using humour to help deal with it - And you worry about your son being bullied by people who dont understand

[@evahoerler2304]

My son is an aspie and he is absolutely amazing. I'm not worried about him, I'm worried about how others will treat him. I believe aspies are more evolved and hopefully one day we will all catvh up to you guys ♥ You guys are so cool. Don't ever change.

[@J-pc6jt]

You really shouldn't elevate groups above one another. Saying people with Asperger's are superior to those who do not have it, is as bad as those who say the same thing but vice-versa

[@Majkita25]

My nephew is aspie. I do not think they are more evolved than others. It is a condition at the end. But I wish we all learned to live with such differences. That is all.

[@vintagecat7249]

Just because you don’t appreciate her brand of humor, you’re cheating yourself by not sticking to the end! She is so real about her experiences & her shared journey as the mother of a child growing up on the spectrum! Speaking for myself, I offer Thanks & Appreciation for sharing this part of your journey with us!!

[@BravoCharlieGE]

So as a man you managed to completely alienate me with your sexism within the first four minutes, and I switched off. Thanks for proving this world has a long way to go!

[@jasminesami5457]

My brother has autism and I've felt the same as this woman. Thank you so much for your talk and shedding light on an unspoken issue :)

[@Wensela]

Im autistic with a diagnoses of classic autisme. Your story about your son sounds so much like my own. Best of luck to your son in his amazing life and best of luck for the rest of your family.

[@joeldecoster8816]

I took my 4 year old som to church, and we passed the piece of bread with the drink of wine. It was quiet and solemn, and he yells out..."I'm STILL HUNGRY'!.. LOL

[@theveryplumdarcey]

I teach ASC children and the joy l get from them everyday is unfathomable.

[@nonayobizness]

Hilarious stand-up bit at the beginning. Love it. She has a second career in comedy. Love her frankness, sincerity and love for her son too.

[@vixwright4484]

I cried a little, I can relate to this so much

[@pc9geek]

When she said Aspie is charactised by chronic OCD and axiety disorders, I finally understood..... Awesome video

[@Ms-yv5li]

YOU ARE PHENOMENAL . THANK YOU SINCERELY

[@cinderellycortes]

She is awesome !!

[@j.divine2463]

Super presentation. Thank you for sharing your experiences and acquired unique perspective.

[@johncounsel8296]

I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome at 57, on Christmas Eve 2002. Best Christmas present I've ever received, because I finally made sense to myself. All of the self-doubt and loathing that had plagued me for most of my life abruptly ceased. Within weeks I realised that my youngest daughter, then 12, was almost certainly an Aspie and so was my mother. Further research online made it clear that this was a reasonable conclusion, because everything I found pointed to the conclusion that autism is genetically transmitted. Independent professional diagnosis confirmed my own conclusions. (I'd studied psychology for three years at university, so I wasn't entirely unqualified in drawing my own conclusions in the light of intensive online study of the latest research.) I first met Kathy Lette in 1980 when she applied for a position as my personal assistant. She didn't get the job because I considered her over-qualified and I recognised potential that I felt would be unfairly shoe-horned into such a role. But I also recognised strong similarities that we shared during the lengthy interview we had. Watching this talk was eye-opening in the light of my own subsequent diagnosis and experience. I find it fascinating that so many parents of Aspie children search desperately for causes while ignoring the reality that at least ONE of those parents transmitted the genetic code that their child inherited. facebook.com/aspergershelpaustralia/

[@pc9geek]

Hey John, I'm glad you found the right diagnosis, sometime the label of a category gives us direction. People with Aspergers are as diverse and as interesting a group as people without Aspergers. Someone smart once said, we are not defined by our successes as much as we are defined by our struggles, I admire you and all the other aspies who have to integrate with us neanderthals.

[@StephanieElizabethMann]

Fantastic. One of the best TEDx Ive seen/heard.

[@MultiChubby1]

Sometimes you have to laugh. You will blow your head off otherwise. I am a mother of this child. I LOVE HIM!!!

[@MichelleASamiee]

Yes

[@lilymortensen6442]

I feel really offended by this person, I have aspergers syndrome and I feel like the way that she is expressing her son has special needs, how she thought this diagnosis is terrible and especially the way she was saying that she first thought it was her fault! I hate this sort of person!

[@M2brSaA]

I agree. I feel she used negative connotations. My daughter has Aspergers and she is the kindest, smartest, most honest person I know. Plus she is in good company with Bill Gates, Mozart, Einstein etc.😃👍✨

[@PeteS_1994]

+Lily Mortensen She was just being honest. She also talked about how her son is smart.

[@Talentedtadpole]

+Lily Mortensen Agreed. And can I gratuitously add that her dress sense is HORIFFIC.

[@izzycook-fraser311]

When parents find out their child has Aspergers, they know nothing about it until they educate themselves. So yes, parents think these things at first. It's normal...it does not mean that she doesn't love her son. She was being honest, and being relative to the PARENTING aspect of Aspergers. Doesn't help when all this "MMR vaccines cause autism" and "Monsanto chemicals cause Autism" bs is out to scare mothers, and making them believe they could of causes their children the diagnosis.

[@vixwright4484]

Lily Mortensen, as a parent you do feel like this it is not bad my lovely, of course you want your child to have a safe and easy life its part of parenting. xx

[@doxistavrou6660]

thank you so much Kathy for speaking out on a very tight lipped subject,..my son was diagnose at 37yrs old,.with Asperger syndrome !...

[@mariai.g.r.2786]

She starts talking about her child at 5:32.

[@jmk1962]

Had to speed through to find this.

[@EvalynnFordawinn]

Im an Aspie girl, and thank you so much. all the humor is refreshingly realistic even my neuto-typical voice in my head who wants to controle my sillyness gets the otherside of the coin!

[@addryanneadamsyn9206]

I think a lot of the naysayers below seem to not remember that this message is mainly for those who are not raising kids on the spectrum ... if a parent of a kid on the spectrum doesn't accept their kids and wishes them dead nothing is going to change that, but if people can change the understanding of autism for the parents of those kids that are bullying autistic kids in school maybe we can make their lives a bit easier.

[@hazelligon7053]

Thank you

[@carolscabinas]

I really liked this. She makes many good points and she's not boring. I don't understand the negative comments here.

[@MPMaschinenpistole]

This woman's tact reminds me shockingly of my 10th grade English teacher... .-.

[@1967davidfitness]

She is telling the world about her son, her son is not like anyone elses..................because everyone is different. She doesn't have Autism and has raised on child with Autism, she is no expert, but she loves herself and her image. Well done her!

[@joebaumgart1146]

I'm an aspie I thought it had nothing to do with aspergers syndrome but was still funny as hell!

[@michaellyttle4586]

+Joe Baumgart i agree i have aspergers too all i saw was a chatty self centred lady talking about sex, tiredness, and very little about aspergers i feel sorry for her child, no manual she says, love is the manual my mum raised me with love truth and many maths books, you talk about aspergers as if its a curse. i feel sorry for you you missunderstand as so many do, what this is all about

[@joebaumgart1146]

i mean as hard as it is for you to raise an aspie just imagine having to live with it!

[@PhilMante]

+Joe Baumgart I'm an aspie too, and it is hard to live with. The obsessive nature of aspergers is the worst. For a while, I was obsessed with the sword-wielding guy from your Profile pic...cause he's awesome!!!

[@joebaumgart1146]

ik so am I, Hence him Being my profile pic! best video game ever made imo!

[@valentinabestani3089]

This amazing woman managed to talk about Asperger in a hilarious way!!!! Not so serious and all... Great job!

[@lucascorvatta]

Kathy I loved your speech. You should look at ALIX GENEROUS tedx ABQ talk. she is inspirational like you and suffers from Aspergers. She just gave a speech in front of 14,000 delegates at the UN biodiversity conference in India on a original research paper on how to save the Coral reefs! She is funny like you and only 21!

[@YoannaTiffany]

Hemorrhoid, vaginas and names-dropping, I'm so enlightened, and all I wanted was to hear about Asperger's.

[@davidtomczak8035]

5:35 Is when the talk actually starts

[@MiyahSundermeyer]

At 14:19 she makes a good point that it is common for one with autism to make inappropriate comments because we don't pick up on social skills.

[@EthanBorsboom]

Hello World: with Miyah I have Aspergers and I was talking with my dad and his friend when his friend started to become a bit racist so without even thinking I just blurted out could you be more racist so yeah we don't really have filters so I can totally agree with you

[@alwaysthinkforyourself7028]

What on earth is this video? I have three Asperger kids, I'm Asperger, my husband is neurotypical. Raising autistic kids is normal. I wouldn't know what to do with a neurotypical child to be honest. Why would a diagnosis be like a knife to your heart? Be fucking PROUD of it. Our minds are different but not inferior.

[@marthadepasquale4370]

+AlwaysThinkForYourself I think Kathy Lette is a great, quirky writer. It might not have occured to you that she also is not 'neurotypical' but needs to hide behind her crass humour - which is how she has made a living. I would not be surprised at all if Kathy Lette was on the spectrum.

[@MiyahSundermeyer]

+AlwaysThinkForYourself You have to remember she's a doesn't live in our shoes so she doesn't know.

[@ThePoorPatriot]

it was pretty cold when I found out I had it yesterday. after 19 years

[@MiyahSundermeyer]

Oh really.

[@ThePoorPatriot]

+Hello World: with Miyah Yes. my mom walked in an explained to me last night. that why Ive been the way I am all my life might have something to do with my half brother who has lived a mirror image of my life a state away with aspergers

[@michaellyttle4586]

was this not meant to be about raising a child with aspbergers, i have aspergers and to me it looks like you didnt shut up about you, your books etc, perhaps you have a degree of this spectrum also.

[@Talentedtadpole]

+Michael Lyttle Narcissist I'd say.

[@lipbalmaddict4449]

Ur right are u high or low disability I'm low

[@samanthacraft5343]

Love your humor

[@Diannako1]

and her energy :-)

[@nightbot9159]

Exactly.

[@MrSPARTAN117ian]

Hahaha! I love how this is pissing so many you tubers off

[@Piratewaffle43]

You could say she needs to make her presentation... 20% cooler.

[@jackielord396]

Once you got past the stand up routine it was quite touching

[@matnikabam]

that is why i love my son. he is so funny, but still can not stand you laughing at his "joke".

[@robinoxfeld740]

I am a Mom of a teenage girl with aspie and I did not find this helpful at all. It was a poor attempt at humor with mega amounts of name dropping which I found to be distasteful and annoying.

[@jhunter270]

That was a very awkward speech; didn't sit quite right with me either 😕 Kathie Lette is a comedic writer with an odd sense of Aussie humour. She was "in character" when she gave this speech (hence the irrelevant puns and name dropping) which is a real shame because when she's being herself she has a lot of good things to say... If you see Kathie and her son Julius with psychologist Uta Frith in the program "Living With Autism" (BBC2) you'll get a much better impression of her as person and a mother - well worth watching!!! Fortunately I saw the documentary before watching this speech otherwise I would've been horrified!!! My son is autistic, hence my interest 😊

[@jhunter270]

It's Kathy not Kathie 😩 I can't spell...

[@addryanneadamsyn9206]

You get the choice to be a victim (when you're not) or a parent .. you choose to be a victim. Your poor kid to have such a shit parent.

[@fannybastida780]

I have a professor that uses the same technic to teach is horrible

[@peterianphillips]

Thank you for this honest talk Kathy. My son is also Aspergers, and is both a challenge and a joy. Sadly, the bureaucrats and jobsworths, with a little help from a scurrilous media have just closed his outstanding special needs school. No links allowed here but Google theinformationdaily stanbridge-earls-school-from-ofsted-outstanding-to-total-collapse for the awful story. .

[@misspinkpunkykat]

Is this about Asperger's Syndrome or her sex life?

[@zsayazz8334]

Why would men want jewelry ? Pressure to be a genius ! Hilarious, Funny, Cute, Absolutely! Give them a Chance!!

[@Margar02]

I think she's hilarious! Too bad her jokes were a bit out of place.Perhaps she has a touch of the "missing filter" problem?

[@petchharrison]

yes she is a noisy aspie,i am just like her and her son i love every one and i say what i think and i am blunt but can be very funny but can also be very hot tempered .. jeff ..

[@vivianhaugaard2481]

Yes, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I find that many parents of autistic children are on the spectrum themselves with one or more traits.

[@inellsutton8647]

Boulin

[@elainecarr7018]

ok she is awesome

[@marciacrosby6170]

She seems to be more interested in her own performance than her subject matter; but it could be that her frequent one-liners - that may be funny in her book - sound like she's reaching a bit too hard to be funny, or spontaneous. I do agree with her though; asberger teens tweens and kids can be very very hilariously funny. My grandson is.

[@bridesnyc]

She is 100% right..lol

[@xanderpandre2092]

No one: This lady: iM cANdID

[@Monkofmagnesia]

She started her lecture out with bad stand-up. Could not get much further than 1:30.

[@nightbot9159]

Humour is a coping mechanism for hard to deal with stuff. Alot of these videos are sad and monotoned. I think she did great.

[@Bassistking]

Also speed of shadow is faster than the speed of light

[@ylchan8942]

Brilliant description and can't agree more, had you read my mind?🙃

[@belindaslatter5111]

It is Australian humour so you wouldn't get it. A lot of people from other country don't get Australian humour.

[@neridadawkin6860]

Yes of course...Australian humour...I just put British abv...but then it's pretty similar.

[@liseernie]

Nah - there is nothing to 'get' - its not subtle or funny

[@nanoscopicxerox9312]

It's fine to have humor in a talk, what is not okay is making your entire speech shameless self promotion on a topic people need to research.

[@Ianc1966]

I’m Australian and found the humour very dated.

[@janegregory3306]

I am wondering why a bright little boy suddenly changed so dramatically when he was fourteen months old. What's the etiology?

[@pc9geek]

It happened to my daughter at the same age, it curiosly coincided with vaccination.

[@Charles-Anthony]

I stopped watching at 4 and a half minutes through, because she hadn't even started talking about her intended subject yet, just bawdy jokes.

[@StLennyBruce]

To be frank even when she begins to address the topic at around five minutes, she doesn't stop doing jokes and metaphors. I kind of just wanted to learn; not see an open mic.

[@luis-ey1ji]

wish you good luck with girls mate, and with life in general !!! hahahahahaahaha. She did a good presentation.

[@rockinfreakapotamuxs]

Nos vale verga tu opinion

[@MichelleASamiee]

Apart of breaking the ice when speaking to a large group of people. Is using humor. In the 48 laws of power and art of war you will also learn that talking about yourself or sharing something vulnerable yet relatable can help others not only relate but let their guards down. This is also true in psychology. So understandng from that perspective. I belive she did great.

[@vollyballgirl257]

Two minutes in and I'm already offended by her choice of words, and the things she talks about. I can only imagine the looks on the audiences faces. I'm not watching any further, but I hope to God at least someone got up and walked out. This is supposed to be a respectable gathering where one person shares an idea worth sharing. No one gives a rip about this woman's body OR sex life... Why was it necessary to add those things? I will not be going to any TEDx Talks if this is what I am going to hear. I am not easily offended and I don't usually tell people when I am, but I am actually offended. I hope she felt the rejecting sting of the lack of laughter from the audience. Is she using this platform to promote herself as a writer with all her witty remarks and catchphrases, or going to tell me something worthwhile..... ? I'll never know!

[@TheCapricornStrand]

A female version of Rodney Rude...... Kathy Crude

[@2111kat]

Is this about sex or Aspergers?

[@M1NDCR4WL3R]

well, must be a genetic thing. she likes to talk a lot about her own stuff.

[@robvoyles]

All children have special needs. Autism or not.... Parents just have to pay close enough attention to understand that they are there and what they are. Children that grow up without Autism and have many issues as well, now and later in life. No child comes with an instructional manual. It's up to the parents to write that manual and it will apply to that child only.

[@nikkimadison6892]

Supercool lady

[@aquashift]

Thanks for posting this! I have Aspergers, and my dad does too, so I don't know what it was like for him to raise me =) I'm starting to upload vids on my Asperger's here on youtube. Check it out if you get a chance =)

[@izzycook-fraser311]

Thanks, I'll be sure to check them out! :) My son is going to be assessed next month, and I believe Aspergers is the answer we've been looking for. Trying to learn as much about it as I can.

[@Sigmamindsetmotivation]

What just happened here? Confusing?

[@kampambachomba9464]

I know AWinter! I had to take it up to 7 where she had started talking about her son. She is a great public speaker but a little up her own arse I think! she needs to come down to earth a little bit.

[@jacobsinger874]

She sounds like an unabashed narcissist. I feel bad for her kid. For some reason there is a very strong correlation between narcissist parents and Spectrum children. I personally know hundreds of such cases. I'm guessing it is at least partly hereditary... And part of it is the way these narcissistic parents break down their children emotionally

[@ThePoorPatriot]

its her experience raising a child with aspergers. not hey lets talk about how great aspergers is.

[@jmk1962]

This is all about Kathy Lette and hardly anything about her son.

[@blueshell820]

I'm sorry, saying that having a teenage daughter and comparing her to the Taliban is absolutely dreadful and pathetic, I can't stand this woman.

[@izzycook-fraser311]

It's a humour you clearly don't understand. If you want to be a part of the group of people who take everything so literally, go ahead! But majority of us aren't going to pretend parenting is all sunshine and lollipops. A little humour makes the hard times bearable! It's a joke, if you watched stand up comedy, you'd probably get offended by all the jokes. Lol

[@carrimacf]

I also found this unhelpful, distasteful and annoying

[@okhstorm]

she used her intelligence to say some pretty idiotic things

[@MiyahSundermeyer]

+okhstorm She is annoying.

[@joebaumgart1146]

but as of now I'm only four mins in so...

[@kodiward7730]

I think you have it.

[@NeilKelly_is_angryexpat]

never watched a lecture where the audience, as well as the interwebs viewers, were so far behind the narrative.

[@AMF036]

My god, the first third portion of this was just bad standup. I had to double check that I tapped on the right video. All the jokes were so distasteful and raunchy. I’m struggling with a 10yr daughter who I believe has Aspergers and I’m trying my best to understand it, I didn’t need all that extra nonsense.

[@RobbieFPV]

I have aspergers too and I'm sorry to say but my mom is way better than her.

[@neridadawkin6860]

Since when was this a competition? If Aspergers kids have a right to be different, then surely Mothers do too?

[@RobbieFPV]

They can be as different as they want, just not over their asperger kids' back. You don't understand. This woman clearly uses this ted talk for her acting ambitions. She might want to become a stand up comedian and that's fine. I just don't think she's doing it at the right place. If my mom did this I wouldn't be happy about it. My mom doesn't try to be funny at my expense and that makes her a better person than the one in this video. EDIT: O I see you replied to every single comment here trying to prove everybody wrong. You must be special.

[@MiyahSundermeyer]

I would say that she is a bit self centered along with being ADD.

[@notmyselfusee]

Self centered popped out to me.

[@Exsugarbabe1]

I still like her though and her books are good entertainment.

[@Bassistking]

Pardon my American ignorance, but what's this "tax department" joke she pulls at 4:38. I don't fully get it. I have a guess she's talking about farting to turn him off, but I'm uncertain.

[@nakyer]

+Bassistking She was talking about the British version of the IRS.

[@marciacrosby6170]

If you look up her 'talks' on you tube under "puberty blues" - it's clear she's been working on being a "loud mouth" as she calls herself.

[@abumuath1614]

Too vulgar for a lecture on autism

[@Plantandpeoplecarer]

These women who raise kids that are on the high end of the spectrum are so annoying... Oh he's doing so much better because I threw heaps of money at the problem..... Maybe its jealousy because my child is 7 and doesn't wonder or ask questions like that, but it sounds to me like he lives in her world, and not his own world as most autistics do......She got a tiny taste of autism... That's all......

[@jenkinsw733]

I wanted to watch this but her misandry at the start was super distasteful. She should learn from Joe Brand and at least give her quips a touch of irony.

[@JesusHernandez-uj6wk]

Amazing a mother can say things in public such as these. You are just being rude and just seem like a woman trying to get attention and money from this.

[@celestin1984]

funny...

[@Takedownman]

I don't find this woman's jokes even remotely funny

[@notmyselfusee]

I agree. Most of these jokes seem incredibly desperate. It's literally 5 full minutes of man hating before it gets to the point. Off point- I am subbed. Love your channel.

[@TheDeebone]

it's dry humour..

[@neridadawkin6860]

Lighten up!!! She's saying things how she experiences them.

[@RobbieFPV]

Lighten up!!! He is just saying it as we are experiencing it.

[@xiphocostal]

This just appeared in my recommended feed. This woman is a narcissist, and she thinks she's a comedian, but she isn't funny, just crude and self absorbed. I'm glad others feel the same way.

[@donnaglick8999]

I really don't think she is all that funny,and Iam a mother with a young man with autism!!!

[@kimsmith4563]

not your average paid parent,she can pay for the best,terrible speech

[@tupsum]

Pathetic. Did she talk about the child even for a second?

[@storey8965]

Kathy Lette is not what she seems..

[@microwave9289]

Ok boomer

[@microwave9289]

Lol

[@csuhermit11]

Terrible.

[@lt9316]

@ 1 min 50 sec couldn't take anymore. she should keep that schtick for the nite club.

[@vollyballgirl257]

And I thought Hillary Clinton ruined skirt suits for me, but alas, I dislike them even more. The pattern looks like the water in Minecraft.

[@poppylove3673]

She seemed to be trying to sell herself more.

[@izzycook-fraser311]

She was relating to the PARENTING aspect of raising a child with passengers...hence the title "Raising a child with Aspergers". It's clearly about HER raising her child... So yes, it will be centred around herself.

[@izzycook-fraser311]

+Daisy Domergue stupid auto correct! ** Aspergers

[@zenir2725]

this is the worst ted I have ever listen. .....actually I shut her after 7 minutes

[@nanoscopicxerox9312]

Could we get a professional to speak about this please cause right now it's just shameless self promotion.

[@snaneychik]

delet this

[@LemoniestLemony]

Children are cruel.

[@DezleySD7]

She's made all this up for the lolls waste of time. She's not funny

[@adambailey3257]

Lame......