My Girlfriend Ghosted Me For Going To A Bucks Weekend Instead Of Comforting Her? r/Relationships

[@theconfusedvampire]

S1: I'm autistic and that sarcasm was so blantly obvious that I can only assume OP is being willfully ignorant to get his way.

[@starbird3939]

This sounds like something she said after he bitched, whined and acted like a baby until she got worn down

[@theconfusedvampire]

@@starbird3939 Exactly.

[@jakemarie828]

Yeah she is clearly defeated, and we're hearing this info third-hand. OP sounds insufferable as a partner.

[@glitchyglitchy3925]

He really thought leaving his grieving girlfriend who just lost a pregnancy that he was previously told she would (likely) never be capable of to party in Vegas with the boys was the best decision.

[@coreymartin6486]

I didnt get my first gf till 29 and even "29-me" would be facepalming about this dude.

[@brpetzn]

If these jeeish hotrl owners would be willing to refund. None of this would have happened.

[@azadalamiq]

@@brpetzn they do if you call fast enough

[@Davtwan]

And seriously? “I wasn’t sure what she wanted me to do if I stayed?” She just wants your company, dude. This isn’t rocket science.

[@80soa]

"She cried to me and apologized and we are still grieving" his azz was not grieving lmao

[@sternzeichenzeug8845]

On story 3, it's actually even more concerning that Ops coworker didn't back down when she heard that the friend was taken, seems like she was hoping to hear about issues in this relationship so she could try to get with the friend in a vulnerable moment, truly disgusting

[@dan_mer]

Story 1: he lied, she left him and they never talked again.

[@paulagoeringer9466]

I hope so. I really hope she finds an actual human next time. Him saying "we're grieving" is gross. She's grieving. He couldn't care at all except for how it might make him look.

[@Orinatl]

Not the ending he wanted, but the ending the world needed.

[@buildman126]

Lol redditor copeium

[@Maestrosendgame]

Was that in a comment

[@jrobdickson8498]

He had dodged a big bullet there, until he let her come back

[@kellyalves756]

Ok, I was neutral on the third story until it got the part where OP lied about her friend being in a relationship and the friend responded “ Is it solid?” Yeah, follow your gut, OP. Jeez.

[@taylorslade961]

Story 2: I would not have let the ex move back in and I def would have cut off exMIL entirely. Those kids are gonna need years of therapy and OP is the one that's going to end up dealing with the brunt of it. OP is too nice. She def should have let the sidepiece/new fiance struggle with care and insurance. Stop rewarding people for their shitty behavior. Expecting this woman to allow her cheating ex AND the woman he cheated with to move into her home is the height of entitlement.

[@samiulhuda4001]

it was gonna be a mess anyway the guy is gonna die soon. cancer coming back after remission and esp aggressive like that he hardly has a year. thats why he gave everything to the wife and took on the debt he knows it dies with him

[@pikachu7572]

While I agree with you and it makes me feel bitter, she chose her kids over the three of them. It was either further traumatize her kids to spite or this. What's interesting is the MIL choosing her son over her own grandchildren. Very odd and really explains why her son would dog the woman saving him/mother of his children

[@ndawn90]

This story is interesting to me because I've used this as a hypothetical scenario for my fiance before. For the record, my fiance didn't even let me finish the hypothetical before he said, "The trip is cancelled." Even if it had been planned for months, even if I said he could go, even if his buddies would be annoyed, he didn't care. If I needed him, he was going to be by my side. My fiance also pointed out that he would be grieving, too, and he probably wouldn't even want to be with his buddies while he's grieving the loss of his baby. He would want to be with the person who would make him feel better, and that would be me.

[@MrsWheezer]

I started to miscarry the day before my brother’s wedding My husband stuck to me like glue. He helped me put on a good front for the wedding (we didn’t want to put gloom on the big day, so kept the miscarriage a secret), and we supported each other through the grieving/guilt process. Yes, many women blame themselves when they lose a pregnancy. It’s horrible. My heart aches for the girlfriend. She deserves so much better.

[@momop1848]

Story 3: It'd be difficult for OP's friend to make a clear judgement about the co-worker since she has a track record of lying to potential life partners. OP being up front to the friend about what the co-worker is like then telling the co-worker about it keeps everything in the open but would probably create unnecessary workplace drama. Maybe co-worker needs a couple of years to get the partying out of her system then she can settle down.

[@sidahmedt6422]

Get the partying out of her system to settle down ? What the fuck 😂😂 No self respecting man want to settle with a whore. She's damaged goods.

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

My ass he thought she was okay with him leaving, he probably only heard what he wanted to hear and is now playing dumb. I doubt he has been living under a rock his whole life so he should know what she really meant by “I don’t care just go”, mind reading not required. I have no clue why the gf apologized but my guess is that he brainwashed her into thinking the whole argument was her fault.

[@WyntheRogue]

Gaslighting is a strong technique narcs love to weaponize. I hope his partner drops him like a sack of stones,regardless of sex/gender I think we can all agree that if your partner is hurting and you can help it or have time, you get your butt over there and be their rock.

[@pippo17173]

Honestly man, if my gf had a big miscarriage, I would of cancel all my plans to help her grieve. I don't need to be ask to know what someone dealing with that goes threw. Also ya update made it worst. That relationship is gonna burst up into flames.

[@Kris-wo4pj]

@@nadiahinson3515 until shes stable? like a normal person. also why isnt he grieving too?

[@HeoBaby24]

@@Kris-wo4pj who's to say he's not greiving? What if he's trying to keep his mind off it by doing something else?

[@Flufferz626]

​@@HeoBaby24my grandmother died recently and my husband dropped EVERYTHING including plans with his friends and took PTO he was saving up for a fun vacation to be with me and travel to the funeral. He ended up meeting so many people and our bond deepend. Grief needs support especially right after it happens.

[@emilybarclay8831]

@@HeoBaby24prioritising getting drunk and partying over the woman who just lost your child is a pretty clear indicator that he doesn’t give a shit. No parent who actually cared would be ready to go act like a frat boy only TWO WEEKS after a miscarriage

[@aprilfox9205]

Losing a much wanted child is so painful it can take a long time to get over.😢

[@maddydavidsdottir9862]

Losing any child is painful jfc. I'm childfree by choice, I NEVER want kids, I dont like kids but every damn miscarriage hurt. I still grieve every single baby I have ever lost just as much as I grieve my twins that died at 4 month old. The pain is just the same even the babies i conceived from R@p3 any person who celebrates a miscarriage is scum. Idgaf if you're childfree, idgaf if you hate kids so much youd leave them in a burning building a childs death is tragic and painful. I have always said if I ever get pregnant again I would abort, I have that luxury, but that doesnt mean I wont grieve a loss is a loss i have had 1 abortion in my life and i still grieve. There is no monopoly on how you should grieve or who should grieve. My grief is not any less just because i dont want children. Think next time

[@jisi8462]

So, should he put his life on hold until she gets over it? What if she never gets better, does he forfeit ANY joy or celebrations with his loved ones?

[@aprilfox9205]

@@maddydavidsdottir9862 I'm not sure what your fucking problem is, I was making a statement based on my own miscarriage.

[@Maestrosendgame]

@@jisi8462 who said he had to put his life on hold? Is it too much to ask to be there for your spouse?

[@jisi8462]

@@Maestrosendgame 1) I don't think she was his spouse 2)He had already promised to be there for his brother and spent non-refundable money on the trip 3) She will NEVER get over the loss 4) People deal with grief differently

[@whimsicaltitan]

Story 1: I was willing to give OP the benefit of the doubt that the GF actually said "Okay, you can go" but after he said the exact words 😂 it went south cause damn 😂 what a bellend! I highly doubt they are still together and that she "apologised" lol

[@Keyonne88]

Yeah he's either lying is ass off or he's gaslit her during her grief and guilted her into it. either way, he's still a dick.

[@deeperthings]

That moment when Markee tells you to throw another prawn on the barbie, and you realize that you are actually in fact eating prawns at that very moment, and then contemplate if in fact you really want another one....

[@babamoeensam7.1.14]

How can anyone even bring up the idea of going to party while his partner grieving the loss of their child? I know that everyone grieves differently but he never even mentioned that he was sad. Edit: yup, the update is total bs. I don't believe it at all.

[@rachealborders]

This is awful. I had a miscarriage last year and it was devastating. My husband wouldn't have ever even thought of leaving me for a trip 2 weeks after. She asked him not to leave her. He pressured her until she got to the "whatever" point. He is a terrible partner.

[@nahbruh2613]

Stfu she said he could go. She’s a child.

[@addicted2mako]

Yep. In that relationship, 29 no’s and 1 IDC is a yes.

[@shadowkissed2370]

@@addicted2mako I can bet he pokes and prods just to annoy her to get that "what ever" "do what you want" so he can get his way.

[@Aurummorituri]

He’s an amazing partner. He stayed with her and all that sorrow for two weeks. You expect him to KEEP stewing for how many more? His brother is getting married and he has a chance to socialize and vent and process his pain. Sitting at home and reinforcing each other’s sorrow is not how I deal with loss. I need to walk around, look at trees, and talk to people with some distance from my pain. You people are insane expecting him to turn this down. It stinks of sexism for the man to be the “rock” for his wife at all times, drop whatever he is doing or will do, and his own feelings do not matter.

[@piiinkDeluxe]

​@@Aurummorituri thisthis This

[@n.a.nameless5435]

S3: OP should tell 'John' about the lie, and why. If he knows about her lifestyle, he can make an informed choice as to whether or not getting with the party-girl is ok for him, or not.

[@NKaths]

Story 2: man sure can find time to cheat Wtf poor woman

[@gcarr1089]

Story 3 -OP should let friend know about the girl, she will look for John with the intention of breaking up his non existent relationship and getting together with him. If OP is honest to John he can decide if he wants to stay well clear or have a but of fun with her, but it does have to be John's choice not OPs. If John and the girl get together and everything goes wrong for John, OP is in the clear as he did warn him.

[@BbiBbii]

Story 1: I feel like people like OP just hear what they want to hear. Cause how can you hear any type of “You know what fine! Go, I don’t care!” And NOT realize you messed up? Especially if that’s said right after an argument or in a mad/tired tone. That one commenter who pointed out OP’s ex DID tell him she didn’t want him to go, was exactly right on everything. I’ve done the samething as OP’s ex. I’ll say the same answer over and over, but cause it’s not the answer a dude wants to hear he’ll just keep asking. It’s annoying and makes me feel like I’m dealing with a 5 yr old over grown men sometimes.

[@muhname6052]

Last story: NTA if the party life isn't attracting the people you want to spend your life with, then maybe stop living that life?

[@Maestrosendgame]

Didn’t even need to look at rest of story 1 to know this wasn’t wise to do that to your wife

[@littlegreycat]

The coworker that wants to date the friend. One of the reasons why there were so many votes from off the asshole is because women deal with this stuff all the time we protect our friends from going out with a holes. The OP should tell the friend about this coworker and mention all of the coworkers, lovely little flaws, and then the friend can make their decision if they run into the coworker again.

[@Tyggs42]

Holy fuck OP in the first story is a fine example of why I happily distance myself from my AGAB.

[@hothotheat3000]

Nope. When your woman has a miscarriage, you don’t go out and party. When your woman didn’t think she’d ever have a baby and she then miscarries, YOU DAMN SURE DONT LEAVE HER TO GO PARTY.

[@SolidifiedHoney]

Yes I believe the guy in the 1st story is an A.H. and she said she didn't want you to go. And you took her "whatever just go" at face value, he knew. Yeah let's go on a fun trip and leave my grieving girlfriend.

[@jettanyx1]

I wonder if he cared at all. Gf grieving…but Vegas and strippers babe!

[@paulagoeringer9466]

@@jettanyx1 he honestly doesn't sound like he's capable of caring. Narcissistic sociopath. If his update is true and I seriously doubt it, she apologized? We're grieving? What did she need to apologize for? She's grieving, he only cares about what people might think about him.

[@panikosatlas6758]

Story 1: hes TA, but just wanted to point out that not everyobe CAN read between the lines. The story was pretty clear and the gf made it clear enoguh she didnt want him to go, but in another situation, people cant be expected to read between the lines. Some people literally cant.

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

It didn't take reading between the lines. She told him in plain language that she needed him to stay. He just kept asking until he got something that sounded like the answer he wanted. He knew what he was doing.

[@panikosatlas6758]

@@hodgeelmwood8677 Thank you for not reading my comment properly. I said all of that, I just added that it isn't always that simple.

[@driversuz44]

Last story: NA. Tell the friend about the coworker who's looking for a nice stable guy to "settle" for.

[@cl5470]

That story is an incel fanfiction.

[@lisakaz35]

I'm glad that story worked out (sorta) with OP's ex being in the house with his fiancee. Betting the ex learned a few things. I like that OP can sell/move or whatnot with a clear concience. Hope there's good karma for doing it.

[@samiulhuda4001]

the guy isnt gonna live that long anyway. thats part of the reason he gave her everything and took all the debt in divorce even though it serverly crippled his ability to get treatment.

[@maurer3d]

Story 2: NTA, his new GF should be the one dealing with him now. Story 2 (update): Love that you are enjoying, seeing the mistress suffer.

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

Wait, did SHE apologize, or did he just accidentally leave out the "I"? Because SHE didn't do anything to apologize for but he did.

[@balloonchief90003]

1st story. Did she actually apologize to him. He's an idiot throw the guy away.

[@pinkgoblin5815]

1st Story: The mental gymnastics that OP went thru to try to justify going to that party made my brain hurt. Even if she hadn’t said anything at all, why would you still go party when your girlfriend just recently miscarried a child? It’s not like a hamster died and you’re just like oh yeah that sucks :(( this was your FUTURE!! I don’t think OP was affected at all by the miscarriage and just said he was “sad” to try to save face in this post. I feel sorry for the GF. Physically & emotionally you don’t recover from that in two weeks. Wow I hate OP so much.

[@VeggieMama722]

S1. WTF? She apologized? For what? Expecting her SO to be there for her after going through a traumatic experience? Jfc, I was hoping she stayed gone.

[@maurer3d]

Story 3: NTA, she sounds like a real piece of work. I know I would never set anyone I know up with someone who admits to lying about their lifestyle to trap people.

[@mweathers79]

S2: I’m sorry, how is the sick husband so sick he can’t care for himself but is healthy enough to carry on an affair?!? Something isn’t adding up here.

[@j_hi]

She apologized 😂😂 for what? Grieving?

[@thesewinggeekmiri9029]

story 3: well OP, you know what you must do. you gotta start dating John.

[@diamcole]

He went after she miscarried their child? Damn....she's probably wondering if he even cares or feels this loss, at all.

[@Human-kb6xc]

It was 2 weeks following the miscarriage. Also, GF told him to go. Females need to get rid of this mentality of telling men the opposite of what they are feeling or want. Life doesn't stop because something bad happened and she needs to understand that. If I were in her situation, I would likely not be happy about it but at the same time I also know that I have OTHER PEOPLE in my life that I could lean on too if necessary.

[@user-wh5fj6pj6m]

@@Human-kb6xc’females’ yikes 😬

[@jettanyx1]

@@Human-kb6xcyea those females and hormones grieving over a child they were told they could never conceive 2 weeks is plenty of time to get over that, she’s probably on her period. Females, am I right?

[@diamcole]

@@Human-kb6xc I don't disagree with communicating your needs very clearly, I initially thought she sounded unclear but when OP further explained in the comments - her "yes, go" sounded like a "fine, just go" to me. That's just my opinion. She also asked if he was really going prior to him leaving and he ignored that flag, as well. But honestly, outside of that, I think a lot of people would be hurt if two weeks after losing your pregnancy your SO made the choice to go. Idk, it's a pretty serious loss. Especially if you planned on keeping that child. Even more so if you never thought you'd be able to get pregnant in the first place.

[@bryn1063]

​@@Human-kb6xc To her she basically lost her baby, sacrificed and was willing to sacrificed more for them just for the poor thing to die. She can't just be alright about it in two weeks? There's no time limit on grief also "females"? Very telling of you. She can lean on her husband all she wants, they're in the relationship so why can't she? If anything shouldn't be the person for her to lean on? Damn, I hope you're nobody's partner especially if they're going through a loss.

[@LadyDnMiller]

Me listening to the second story. "Yeah...but he has cancer." "He has cancer I may need a mental break." "Ohhhhhhh he cheated.....while you were nursing him to health .....Oh that's fucked up..." HE ANNOUNCED HIS ENGAGEMENT TO HER AFTER THE DIVORCE??" Yep..no...its finance's job

[@LololoriShow]

Screw him no way have him live with you...tell his girlfriend to be his caregiver

[@shadowdemon2272]

Story 1: I can understand if the Bucks party was unbelievably important to OP or his brother and OP just Could Not get out of it for some reason. But, in that case you arrange for some friends and/or family to stay with her until you get back. Also, check in with her often, have flowers/food/something else nice sent to her, and try to plan a small event or two for her and her companion(s) to go to while you're away. But just leaving her alone when she clearly wanted you to stay? Oof my man...oof.

[@starbird3939]

Story 1 - YTA You left your girlfriend AFTER SHE HAD A MISCARRIAGE?!?!?! Dude. Consider your relationship done. Also wow. “Whatever, just go”… me thinks he needled her and whined about wanting to go, until she was frustrated and said “Fine, go.” Seriously. TWO WEEKS. AFTER A MISSCARRIAGE. Aka: HER BABY *DIED*. Fucking…

[@eloniom5768]

He did not left her dumb ass. He went way for 3 days. It's not a men job to read women f-ing minds grow the f up

[@LunaP1]

​@@eloniom5768 stay in your lane, loser.

[@wmdkitty]

It was an EMBRYO, not a CHILD, you useless anti-woman numpty!

[@jrobdickson8498]

Story 2: no fn way I’d jet him come back… let his AP tend him

[@jr5557]

I diagree with markie on story 3. I don't think what Op should have done was tell the coworker that they don't know if he is single But they'll talk to John and then tell John hey one of my coworkers is interested to you, but this is what I know about her. Personally, I don't think it's a good match, but just FYI, like who is OP to decide what is best for someone else. It's overstepping

People seem to forget that OP is doing his friend a favor, she is a party girl who wants the fun of that life but also have the security of a beta simp at home. Hell she outright proved why she remains single, she is willing to go after a guy in a relationship, that alone tells you about her morals and attitude towards dating. She would ruin OP's friend, all those whining about agency are exactly the same as the coworker, refusing to admit the issue is in her, not the men she dates.

[@agentzapdos4960]

S2: Do house him. And suffocate him in his sleep (in Minecraft).

[@luvondarox]

S3 Is John not mature enough to make the decision himself? Maybe give him a heads-up at least.

[@DaniS398]

Ew. That last story. I had a friend do that to me...decided a guy I liked and who liked me wasn't good enough for me. Turns out, she was jealous whenever I got any male attention. It all had to go to her even though she had a bf. Lord! When I stopped wearing baggy clothes to hide my figure she lost her shit and reamed me out. It was bonkers!

[@CalamityM]

So you glossed over the fact that the co-worker was ready to break up a relationship? "Party girl" was trash, plain and simple

[@DaniS398]

@@CalamityM he's an adult and can make gis own decisions. All friend has to do is give his friend a heads up about how she really is and let him make an informed decision, not make the decision for him. It is grossly overstepping the boundary of friendship.

[@jaycehoward2771]

When my wife miscarried I took care of her until me and her had a conversation 2 months later. I own a small business and I didn't work for a month and after never missed a call or a text because she was in agony at times. When her mental state improved she treated me to a special weekend and she was a little upset she couldn't do more and honestly I broke down crying because until her nobody had ever did nice things like this for me. When she was pregnant having our son most of her labor pain was in her back and this isnt an exaggeration I rubbed her back switching arms for over 24 hours. She was given an epidural the earliest they possibly could when dilated at 3 and when she got it and I stopped rubbing I literally couldn't raise my arms and she fell asleep and her mom was in and I went to the car and collapsed from pure exhaustion but I gladly did that. Just like after a tough labor experience and a c-section I took every night with our boy for 3 months so she could sleep a full night and recover, I did all this while still getting up and going to work. Gladly did it because that's what a partner does when the other is dealing with a traumatic experience. Once she recovered she did it for a while so I could sleep and did something for me that I won't explain here that made me realize that she was truly my person as I was hers. It's not bragging or being anything other than a good partner while my wife always makes sure she treats me and makes me feel awesome all the time. Coming up on 20 years now and still act like children who make out in the back seat.

[@LovesGaming37]

If the thing you won't describe was sexual, is that she is worth to you?

[@Kris-wo4pj]

@@LovesGaming37 i think ya missed the whole point bro

[@gailwarnock2764]

Most men have selective hearing .

[@champslim]

Last story: Nta she asked if the relationship is solid.... Nope

[@WhitneyDahlin]

Yeah I agree. I think he did the right thing

[@bryn1063]

Yeah that's a huge red flag..

[@DiscoTimelordASD]

Last Story: YTA You don't get to decide someone else's life choices based on your own personal beliefs.

[@lharchmage6908]

Story 1 if my gf just lost my kid i would be with her not partying

[@ochitakishi2350]

Story 2: hilarious he earned his cancer

[@toxicdotaep2890]

honestly dont understand why people are calling the OP of the last story an asshole. hes not "taking away [johns] agency," hes keeping someone who honestly sounds pretty terrible away from his friend lmao. if a friend put me in contact with someone they already knew was duplicitous with previous relationships like that I'd be pretty pissed at my friend. sure, he could let his friend figure it out on his own, but why would anyone make a friend go through that?

[@jasonstewart8363]

Yeah that comment seemed disconnected with reality, and is dripping with entitlement. He is her only connection to those guys and the commenter acts as if he owes her his recommendation. If an acquaintance asks if your company is hiring, and you know hes undependable, no, we aren't hiring sorry. Hate to say but in this scenario, lying is the right thing to do. Otherwise he would end up in a conversation where he is subtly trying to explain why he won't give her his number without outright calling her a whore, to a work colleague. It would only end with her pissed off.

[@toxicdotaep2890]

@@jasonstewart8363 I'll be honest, her promiscuity isnt the problem, just the fact shes dishonest about it- if I understand OP correctly, shes pursued one-night stands while in relationships/lied to her more serious partners about her one-night stands. *That's* what sucks and makes her seem like a shitty person, to me. She can do what she wants but the dishonesty is a huge red flag. But yeah, that one comment and its replies agreeing with it was so weird and entitled. makes me wonder if the commenter is one of those people who gets pissed off if someone they have a crush on doesn't reciprocate lol. Nobody's owed relationships.

[@FinnishLapphund]

The moment she started asking questions about the relationship, if it was solid etc, I knew OP was NTA. It sounded as if she was trying to assess the possibility of making John cheat with her, and/or break up the relationship to instead start one with her. No real good friend would want to risk helping such a person get their hooks in to you.

[@DaniS398]

Or. He can be honest and say, this girl likes you but heads yp, she's a train wreck. Tell his friend what she's like and trust him to make an adult decision. Not make it for him.

[@toxicdotaep2890]

@@DaniS398 sure but isnt that kind of a waste of the friend's time?? "this girl who totally sucks is into you do you wanna meet her?" why would dude say anything but "no" lmao

[@bridgetdebourgh5698]

Hey Markee 👋 Enjoy your day or night everyone 🤗

[@coreymartin6486]

"She told me I could go"......geez dude, youre 28 and you didnt realize that was a trap statement? Pretty thick headed.....but hes the jerk because he wanted to go regardless. What can you do by staying home? Uuuh, just be there. Thats enough. I didnt have my first gf till 29 and even then "29-me" would be wondering whats wrong with this dude.

[@maiqtheliar789]

Story 1: You are definitely the asshole. I have been married over 20 years and me and the wife were dating a few years before we got married. If my wife had ever miscarried then all trips are canceled unless it is a trip somewhere to get her mind off of things. In no world even when I was a young cocky know it all 19 year old would I have left her to go to a bachelors party in Vegas after she just miscarried. She told you she didn't want you to go and that she still needed you. That should have been the end of it and you should have canceled the trip or let your brother and friends enjoy the party without you. Then and this is very telling, You said you weren't sure what she wanted you to do if you stayed. I know many men are taught to try to find solutions to problems and actually do something to fix things. Sometimes there is absolutely nothing anyone can do other than be there and be supportive which is exactly what she needed. Obviously you were not listening. There were no lines to read between here. She told you she didn't want to go and you didn't listen. Eventually she told you exactly what you wanted to hear because she realized you didn't give a damn what she said you were going anyway. If your girlfriend or wife is telling you something important to her even if it makes no sense to you then actually listen to what she is saying. Women might not always make sense to men but I have found they most of the time will tell you exactly what they are thinking. If your girlfriend or wife plays mind games then it is different but in this case there were no mind games. Just a selfish asshole who wanted to go and get hammered in Vegas at the exact time his girlfriend needed him most. Honestly doubt she went back to you after moving out like that. At least I hope she didn't she deserves much better than you.

[@lilfairykiki122]

Story 1: “she apologized” yikes…messed up

[@originalv5107]

Here’s the thing…the non-refundable tickets and plans were already made and in place…sorry you had a miscarriage, but what is me not following through with my plans going to help?? Jesus Christ, women don’t COMMUNICATE!!!!! OP is 1000% NOT the asshole. I’m sorry, but my brother is having his bachelor party…hopefully his only one…and I’m not missing that. It’s three fucking days, you’ll be fine!!!

[@ginaruff2867]

This is so horrific. He should have to wear a Big red A on his forehead for the rest of his life. Getting drunk and partying is more important than supporting your partner at a time of loss. You should have asked your Mom first. Your Mom should bring up this story to Every potential girlfriend so they can run for the hills.

[@danielbolger25]

OP is the AH in the first story.

[@Orinatl]

-.- She literally asked him to stay then he said but I wanna go. So she said ‘okay’ with a 😭 “fine, go then” bruh I can’t. She said everything. He thinks he needs to be a superhero to understand the nuances of the English language…as a (likely) native speaker. Why would she APOLOGIZE.

[@Lady.B0420]

Whoa, this guy.

[@mweathers79]

S3: NTA but I would have preferred he gave his friend the info and then his friend deny her to her face.

[@Zminator1986]

Story 1: I'm sorry but did OP ditch the grieving MOTHER OF HIS CHILD!? What an asshole.

[@HeoBaby24]

So his life has to be on hold for her? Couldn't she get a bigger support system than just her?

[@muhname6052]

Story1: I started it like "OK maybe there is a scenario where OP saves this" got to miscarriage. No. No. No. You can not be this dumb. It's over. Your girl got great news the kind that defies what every doctor has told her then she lost it. And a week later you leave her. I hope OP never enters a serious relationship I'd hate for someone to be saddled with this loser

[@Witchyprinxe]

Story one bro why didn't he just take her with was there a reason she couldn't or something I get it was a bachelor's weekend but like idk If it were me and she needed me I would've just been like come with me yk? Then again if she didn't want to go and just wanted me to stay I would've agreed maybe try to compromise like only staying half the time instead of the whole 3 days. There's so many ways he could've went about this and chose the wrong one sadly 😔 she deserves better

[@kyriacarica5862]

Up and early, aren’t we, Markee? 😂

[@maxknows189]

I find the first story to be funny he is only an asshole because he is a man, how many stories on here were the boyfriend or husband has some he is close to them die and they grieve and the woman picks this time to cheat because he wasn't available but the answer usually you need therapy and to man up, maybe he needed that break and once again everyone ignored his feelings but hey he's a man so he's the asshole

[@rubymeaddle]

Misandry isn't real, you are not oppressed.

[@maxknows189]

@Ruby Meaddle what ever don't know what the hell you're talking about

[@Kris-wo4pj]

most men would have taken the first no and taken the lose of money to be there with their gf who just lost her own chance to have a kid esp if its their kid hell some men would do it for not even their kid and not even their gf just their friend. so no hes not the asshole for being a man hes an asshole for being a man child who obviously didnt care and hated being around his grieving gf cuz he wasnt grieving so he wanted to get drunk and try to fuck a stripper in vegas with his boys.

[@buildman126]

@Ruby Meaddle Misogyny isn't real, you are not oppressed. :^)

[@joshuarichards8065]

Wait . . . . chuck "A" prawn, as in JUST one? JUST HOW BIG ARE AUSTRALIAN PRAWN THAT YOU NEED JUST ONE!? (only joke responses please)

[@hayleyg7719]

Fooking huge mate

[@nataliebateman1151]

I think the update is a lie. And if it's real. SHE DID NOT NEED TO APOLOGIZE

[@rubymeaddle]

Story 1: of course it's an age gap relationship 😮‍💨

[@sharonramirez8014]

S1... wtf how is he confused?

[@omgtrick3y816]

Story got worse at it went on😅. Sucks bc I’m one of those “take it at face value” people. But I’ve made that very clear with the important people in my life, to avoid things similar to that.

[@TheLugiaSong]

Story 1, I am going to have to disagree with you Markee that if someone tells you it's fine, why would you not take it as that? If they're not fine with it, they either need to suck it up or communicate, it shouldn't be up to other people to mind read, especially when some of us really struggle with knowing these things. I should add I am not saying OP is in the clear, it was a really bad move and especially with the additional info of what her reply actually was, OP totally sucks. I am just refuting the point made that we shouldn't take answers and answers.

[@Princetonian4eva]

Are you the OP?

[@maurer3d]

Story 1: YTA, you GF just went thru a huge loss, and she needed you. Maybe her next BF will be a good guy and be there for her. Story 1 (udate): If she apologized, then you definitely manipulated her, as she did nothing wrong.

[@tigernotwoods914]

Story 1: I totally disagree. That is why you need to be direct. If you can’t see what you mean, clear and concise and directly that you lack communication skills. Nobody should ever be expected to pick up on hints.

[@HackiePuffs]

She WAS clear many times that she wanted him to stay and he didn’t listen until she caved in

[@smapa1185]

You got it wrong. She said that she didn't want him going. Re-listen.

[@tigernotwoods914]

I had to rewind it. I missed the beginning

[@ruthsaunders9507]

@@smapa1185 After he was ready to go.

[@LovesGaming37]

She was direct so many times. Women give up when we are ignored and pressured

[@fletcher0411]

Story 3... hos always complain about how "there's no good guys/high value men" while sleeping around and not being a high value woman then act surprised 🙄 🤦‍♀️

[@videofan1010]

Sleeping around doesn't diminish someone's value. It does expose you to a lot of unworthy people but having casual sex doesn't make you a bad person.

[@fletcher0411]

@videofan1010 it ABSOLUTELY diminishes value for men and women. Have more self-respect than that

[@mikef2811]

S1: OP you are not very smart.

[@wyvern723]

S1: Dude, you don't need Reddit to tell you that you're the A-hole. "I don't care, just go," is her giving up. She miscarried. You left her to go play with the boys. She begged you not to go. You're a bad human. Pretty sure that last update was a lie to try to save face, or that he broke her down with gaslighting. I hope she got away from him.

[@vetaroberts3333]

Tell him no. No matter what mil says. Nta

[@aceanarchy5554]

OP is honestly not a good person. He and his fiancee lost a baby, yet he still felt fine going out on a trip to party in vegas with his brother for multiple days. How could he even be in the right mindset to go? How did he not worry the whole time about whether or not his fiancee is alright?

[@dorianleakey]

I have a little more sympathy for OP from the first story, I think she only apologised for not saying how she felt and what she really meant, he didnt say he apologised, but he did, you can tell.

[@AllistorMichelle]

story 1: wow, what got my thinking "yta" was the fact he said she was depressed and then said "yeah i'm sad too" gave me the feel that hes one of those people that consider depression to be just a "big sad" when it's a mental disease [yes i have it too. medical diagnosed. ] But i am 100% with everyone saying he gaslight her. i think she apologised for leaving. not for being upset. story 2: nta I had to take care of my late father. it's not a fun experiance and trust me your kids don't need to see their father waste away even if its not a life threatening form of cancer. seeing a once strong person be redued to nothing it horrifying. [even though i had great reasons to dislike my father i still hated seeing that outcome but loved that he could hurt me anymore.]

[@papasalvo]

I honestly hate that it's ok I'm not fine stuff. I've told my GF if she has an issue she needs to communicate I'm not ms. Cleo I don't read minds since then things have gotten better and our communication has improved. Sometimes she just says I don't like blah blah because of no reason in particular and I can accept that because I to don't like some things for no reason in particular. But it's better than just pretending everything is fine or that u do like something when u dont Ur an adult use ur words

[@Maestrosendgame]

I agree in general however there’s a thing called COMMON SENSE. Especially if a miscarriage happened 2 weeks ago

[@papasalvo]

​@@Maestrosendgame true but from his perspective he'd made peace with the situation Good example my dog died earlier this year to my mother it was a big deal and something she's still sad over me? I made peace with the fact she was very old and likely to die soon. So to him it was "I mean I made peace that I'd likely never have a kid if I'm with her" so no need for a bunch of tears and such it's just compartmentalizing and if she hadn't been balling her eyes out and shutting her self away and very clearly grieving he wouldn't have any reason to think this to be an issue. For alot of people death is just an inevitability it's sadder when it's someone u know and especially if they are young sure. But not everyone is going to completely shut down over a death. I've experienced several deaths in my family but life goes on I can morn their loss without completely stopping everything

[@fiyahquacker2835]

@@Maestrosendgame I feel like any semblance of sense would be enough to know not to be like the op.

[@fiyahquacker2835]

@@papasalvo yes from his perspective he had made peace but clearly the same can't be said for his girlfriend who actually went through the miscarriage and was fed up with his nonsense. Too bad the victim is staying with the abuser.

[@ruthsaunders9507]

@@fiyahquacker2835 She's not a victim. Its sad what happened to her but its not his fault. How long is he supposed to babysit?

[@marywray6046]

I hate women who make men feel guilty about having a family and life before they even met, i mean come on things happen and all this guy didwas go celebrate his brothers getting married, something that was planned for months.

[@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement]

And I despise creatures who refuse to exercise empathy. May you never experience the sheer trauma of a *miscarriage.*

[@rqstuv9336]

For Story 1, I hope the girl sees this post and dumps him asap

[@genesisshort3097]

I think it's ridiculous that she needed him to comfort her 2 weeks after her the miscarriage. She should have just called her mom or a friend if she really needed someone.

[@joshguerrero8760]

NTA reading between the lines is so stupid. If a woman tells me that my reply is always I am not a mind reader tell me what you want. A man is expected to know everything but it's not the same for the woman. The double standard is BS.

[@grecia3146]

Story 1: I was willing to she it as the girlfriend truly accepting the trabe but then going back on it, which I don't blame her for. But the ''I don't care, just go''? My goodness that makes it feel really different.

[@ruthsaunders9507]

#1 He's NTA. It wasn't like it was the next day. Everybody processes things differently and it can really help to get out of the environment for a little bit. She had her mother there if she needed someone.

[@shadowkissed2370]

He for sure is the AH, you are right everyone processes things differently, she TOLD him she still needed him there. Just because he was over it by then doesn't mean he shouldn't have staid to help her keep working through her pain when she told him many times that she needed his help...

[@ruthsaunders9507]

@@shadowkissed2370 He didn't say he was over it, he's just not experiencing it the same way she is. He had long standing plans and his being there wasn't gonna help anything. I don't get why she gets to hold him hostage. She went to her mother who is probably more helpful in this situation.

[@Kris-wo4pj]

@@ruthsaunders9507 and she should never go back to him. hes a callous prick who likes to play dumb and blame others for being selfish. and he was over it. thats why he got drunk in vegas while his girlfriend was crying her eyes out and packing her shit cuz she realised shes not dating a good partner just a man child. if the update is true and he gaslight her into apologizing i hope her dad or brothers kick his ass and take her back home where she can get real help.

[@shadowkissed2370]

@@ruthsaunders9507 1. she wasn't holding him hostage she NEEDED him to be there not screwing off somewhere far away. 2. You do not know what she went through during her miscarriage that is beyond traumatic at the least. It's nice to see that you hold "long standing plans" more important than the loss of a child. It says so much about you...

[@buildman126]

@Shadow Kissed how do ya know this isn't a way for him to help with his own grief? I know when i lost my grandmother I did a lot of hikes & short trips to help clear my head up after staying basically shut in my bedroom for months. Just the cycle of sleep, eat, and work. So nah, OP is NTA

[@wildblue0]

Story 1: Of course, the guy also thinks being depressed is the same as being sad. He's TA just for that. Story 2: I'm going to take a wild guess that having his wife clean up his diarhea was emasculating, so he needed to go home and find a side chick to pretend he was virile and invincible. Side piece probably thought he was rich if he could just give his ex a house, and didn't know about the debt. Now she has a front row seat of him being weak, and needing charity from the ex, and is hopefully rethinking her life choices. He's humiliated that the picture his ego built up is being shattered and lashing out. If I'm right, he'll dump her too. Popcorn is called for. As for the manipulative grandparents, they'd get no access on my custody time. Dad can take them to visit. Definately sell the house and move away from the med center.

[@maddydavidsdottir9862]

Could be worse, when I had my 1st miscarriage my boyfriend sat on the sofa with my head in his lap crying myself to sleep while he was watching womens private videos on a swinger site. The 2nd miscarriage I was in bed, lost so much blood I had to go to the hospital and he was downstairs on the same swingers site and texting my psycho ex best friend nudes this was 3 weeks before xmas. Xmas day I had another miscarriage and he laid in bed next to me while I slept and comforted me till I fell asleep.....and then went on pornhub and plenty of fish.....all 3 miscarriages were his fault, he gave me an std because he cheated on me 2 days after we first slept together. The 1st miscarriage was 1 week before my birthday. When I told him I was pregnant, 2 days before my miscarriage, he said "you're gonna have an abortion? Right?" I mean, yeah I was because I'm childfree but that's not the point. It doesnt hurt less because I dont want kids ffs! Men can be serious trash sometimes

[@shadowkissed2370]

When I lost my daughter during my second trimester that I hemorrhaged during, my ex told me that I was selfish and not allowed to mourn because me mourning wasn't fair to him because he didn't want a miserable constantly crying person in his life.

[@ivorynk752]

OP in the first story sounds like a stereotypical sitcom oblivious idiot husband with how badly he misses applying context and tone and phrasing to his communication. I've known people with aspergers that don't mess up social cues that badly, but maybe because they would listen to the initial argument rather than brushing it off as unimportant and only taking away the "I don't care, just go."

[@Omagadam1]

Y'all smashing this dude for only looking after the missus for 17 days before going to a party. Isn't he allowed to grieve? Maybe he needed a few fucking days. But nah, only the woman is allowed to be sad. Judging by the story, she should have definitely been the first priority to comfort, but the guy needed a bit of love too. He shouldn't have burdened the missus with his grief and he should definitely lean on his mates.

[@dontlookbehind1385]

And the only way you can get over your child's death is by going to a bachelor party.

[@Omagadam1]

@@dontlookbehind1385 not the only way, but if that's where your supports are going, it's as good enough way as any.

[@boatthere867]

1# sorry had to rewatch it and see it @1:23 so not a mind game 2# nta with the info about why the marrage failed let his new gf take care of him 3# keep her away from him ps (warn him of and about her now!)

[@Maestrosendgame]

No she didn’t op can’t read between the lines

[@bryn1063]

That's not mind games, "I don't care go" is clearly her getting fed up and she clearly still didn't want him go. You don't need to be a mind reader to see that this was a horrible idea.

[@knitwit9447]

Took a bit to dissect your comment with how badly it was written, but here we go. In story one, she made clear she didn't want him going. He refused to take no for an answer, and when she finally (and very clearly) gave him a dismissal that was not heartfelt, he willfully took it at face value and left his grieving and physically recovering partner while he went partying in Vegas. I hope she leaves his ass and heals from her trauma.

[@boatthere867]

​ @Adlai Bade ​ @Bryn ​ @Knitwit you all was right i mist it @1:23 she said she still needed him and for him not to go. i full hold up my hand and say i was wrong here fully as its was not a mind game

[@wmdkitty]

@@knitwit9447 She was NOT clear at all. She TOLD HIM TO GO.

[@user-wh5fj6pj6m]

Story 1 YTA

[@user-wh5fj6pj6m]

Cancer story NTA

[@meganwood8630]

Not saying OP of story 1 isn’t an AH, but let me post some food for thought. Many people both here and on Reddit, before the post got removed, talked about helping the gf grieve. And the fact that he wasn’t doing it was one of the main reasons to call him an AH. Well…how does one help a person grieve…I mean really? I’ve lost people and there is only so much hand holding/condolences you can do/give. In reality, the main things which help those grieving are cooking for them and/or cleaning since they are usually too depressed to do those basic things for themselves for at least a short bit. And, if those are the main ways that people help those grieving then…at what point does it become unreasonable for the “grieving” person(s) to continue and not take care of their own person, sometimes at the expense of the “caretakers” health, sanity, and personal life. I actually think that 2 weeks is a personally reasonable time by which some sort of survival instinct should’ve kicked in. I’m not saying to stop grieving by that point or put any emotions on a timer…but…by then I feel like there should at least be enough of an instinct to call for take out food, if still not having the energy to cook etc. And, in three days time, that would’ve been one of the only things his gf had to do, as I don’t think she would’ve accumulated enough laundry to need to wash a load of clothes, and take out wouldn’t get dishes dirty. But to get back to the original point, would OP have still been an AH if gf was still grieving at the half year mark or year mark and just expected OP to not go on a trip in that whole time? At what point do we draw that distinction? And if we cannot come to a consensus on that time frame, then how can we just arbitrarily say leaving after 2 weeks = AH? It wasn’t as if it was the day of or even a few days after. Grief cannot and should not drag on forever.

[@drea4195]

The girlfriend was grieving the loss of a baby. OP's baby. Even if OP didn't feel the same level of grief as her, he had to have known that she was going to take longer than 2 weeks to just "get over it". What is the reasonable amount of time to grieve a dead child? Pretty sure it's a lot longer than 2 weeks. 😞 OP had very little sense of empathy here.