Narcissistic Parents: How they React When You Finally Go No-Contact

[@jerrywise]

Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇 Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027 ‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self

[@mesina84]

This is my reality atm. I'm 40 yr old single parent with 3 boys my middle child has complex medical needs so I moved home to the family property to live with my father because of complete burnout. My father started treating my middle son like he treats me. I called him out on his behaviour. He got physical and I have gone almost no contact since then. Me and my boys are currently Homeless and I doubt myself everyday whether I'm the toxic one and then I'll watch you or another KZbinr that lists all the things my father did. During the year I lived with my father my boys ADHD medication kept disappearing turned out that when I was taking my boys to drs appointments or was shopping my father would sell the boys ADHD med's for cash. Now he is telling all my siblings and the rest of my family that I was the one doing it. I lived on a street that had 13 drug dealers ( I live in Australia) 2 were weed dealers the rest were harder drugs with labs. I have always been the one that gets the blame, my niece's acting out when they were teenagers my fault, my other niece (18)fell pregnant 6 months after I fell pregnant with my middle boy, my fault I was 25 at the time and engaged to be married. she lived more than 700 miles away from me. They are just the easier ones that don't hurt as much now. I've had other family members threaten mine and my boys lives if I go to the police. I'm just trying to get out of the town that I haven't been allowed to leave since I was born, my middle boys medical needs have stopped us from leaving as quickly as I would like. Some of his symptoms are from the trauma, his currently in a wheelchair and its just me, I have no support. How does anyone do this and survive to the other side. Sorry didn't mean to trauma dump. I just wanted to say thank you finding you helps me deal a little bit everyday.

[@Audrey21429]

😊

[@simplyixia3683]

“If you go no contact with us, we’ll go no contact with you!” Don’t threaten me with a good time 😂

[@nadineelizabeth195]

This is why when i blocked my mothers number she blocked mine 😮😮

[@cherich7025]

🤣🥳🎉🎉🎉

[@1Marflowa]

Or they do false accusations at child care. Truth came out, but it scared my heart

[@ElizabethWildy]

That is comedy gold!!!!...thankyou for that tidbit.

[@simplyixia3683]

@@solofemaletravelerme been there done that. I struggled paycheque to paycheque in tiny apartments for years. But my mental state was much improved even if money was tight. No contact is hard, but it will eventually get better. But if you don’t have the conviction to stick to your decision-no matter what life throws at you-I don’t think no contact is for you.

[@Usernameblahblahnblah]

No amount of money is worth being chained to someone who is manipulative and controlling. No thank Q. I'll make my own money.

[@oliviaolali3689]

No thank Q....love it 😂

[@justrosy5]

Going through the same thing, but am having trouble finding work. Career shipped overseas and replaced by AI.

[@brianna094]

I have no car now and no income and my family totally abandoned me. I've supported myself my whole life and have my own apartment, but had some bad luck financially due to poor health from overworking myself. I think I would rather be on the street than tied to them.

[@avivabillington5514]

💯 well said!! In my experience, me as well. Manipulation & money are a narcissitic person 's main "hold very much 0ver their supplies"

[@avivabillington5514]

​@@brianna094me too!! In my experience, been homeless to avoid their abuse & manipulative treatment & it does work* control in your life*

[@Electric-Lady]

My mom truly destroyed my life. Now I need to fix what's left as best as possible.

[@joseenoel8093]

Cut your losses and count your blessings, that you know is half the battle, sorry for your pain I am sure you are an amazing person, mom belittled me at every chance, enjoyed destroying people, a cult, anyone in her inner circle fooled until they did a narc injury then it was slander at will, I enjoyed her cie until she found me boring than she found other uses for me torturing me to uplift herself, no one to tell really, normal people don't want to hear it and rack it up to reg family drama!

[@dv52528]

​@@joseenoel8093Same here

[@catherinesinclair7727]

Same

[@happygoluck0000]

❤ Hope you find love and peace. Sending you good energy

[@MissRed92837]

Same here. It’s hell on earth.

[@traceywiseheart6424]

Going NC was best decision ever. That’s when my healing truly began. I have never been happier.

[@CrazyEightyEights]

Why did the narcissist cross the road? They thought it was a boundary.

[@gregoryjgarcia3862]

Very good, well said!

[@joeythebushkangaroo1]

Lol, love it.🎉

[@TheFirstOnlyRealUltra]

bruh

[@littledroogy]

😂❤❤

[@CrazyEightyEights]

@@littledroogy ♡ A joyful life is already too short, laugh while you are able.

[@gracie3174]

Exactly how Narcism operates …going no contact is the only solution. Anything else is permission to them to continue their behavior. And they will every time. Regardless of what they say or do to get you back, in the end….its only about what they want. It’s never about you. They don’t care about you except for what you can do for them. Don’t ever, ever believe they care about you because it’s just not possible for them …even if you are their child.

[@scootabean]

Yes

[@Odog78]

Facts. Ironically, other survivors are the family I never had. You are all so important and provide much needed hope.

[@gwdavey]

Smear campaigns Silent treatment All-out war Siblings engaged as flying monkeys "Anonymous" letters in the mail Full on discard My parents are such bitter people. It's hard to miss them.

[@stevec3892]

Exactly what I’m going through now . Older sisters kiss my parents ass who were the worst and all smear me and call me a liar

[@fenderblue9485]

It's great no contact, don't have to worry about their behaviors! Enjoy your sanity.

[@gwdavey]

@@stevec3892 Same. I've been no contact for 5 years.

[@carolnahigian9518]

threats--consequences--dangling goodies/ carrots! It did not work with ME , I am ME!

[@ElizabethWildy]

I understand completely...i dont miss mine as individuals but i do miss having a childhood and real family

[@slowdancer5563]

Jerry, I had no idea that you know my mother! LOL

[@PhilLesh69]

I know, right? He keeps reading from my diary verbatim. Lol.

[@Usernameblahblahnblah]

Lol

[@Ashley.Morrison54]

He knows mine too 😅😉😉😉😉

[@DoreenWeed]

I don't mind losing my inheritance because I went no contact with my family. I don't want their money or their belongings. It's a small price to pay for "freedom ".

[@TamponReparations]

😇

[@tamaraescobar7211]

My younger sister and brothers, stole my inheritances and think I don't know ?? 😅😂😅 I have never been amount monies & God has always supplied my every need because I am HIS SERVANTHOOD and am obedient to His word, I live His word, I tithe ,I serve , HE promised to take care of Me . Narcs use tangible things as weapons for false love ❤️ NO thanks mom , True love is in CHRIST JESUS ❤️

[@OceanSwimmer]

​@@tamaraescobar7211, I am anticipating the same from my 2 elder siblings and mom; they have appointments pencilled in to consult with mom's estate attorney. 3 miserable, unhappy people plotting and scheming. Years ago I was shocked when my sister threatened to "cut me off without a dime." Now I don't care. They are empty, grasping people. It's their journey, not mine! God is good. All the time. 🔥🙏🏼🔥

[@rauxieswisdom3102]

Inheritance is the carrot they wave to keep you in their control. It’s the never ending promise , that was never going to happen. In the patterns within my family, it’s been a rollercoaster ride. I got off a few months ago. It hasn’t been easy but I realize know how damaging this is . I think we experience a sort of withdrawal from this dynamic, especially if that’s all you know, all your life. It’s a struggle but so is starting over after they drain you anyway they can.

[@DoreenWeed]

@rauxieswisdom3102 I figured that out when my mom asked me what I wanted when they were doing their will. After I told her she then stated that I wouldn't be able to get anything because I wouldn't be able to afford moving it. She even told me that my grandmother had willed me her wedding ring and when my grandmother passed away it ended up missing. My uncle said that my aunt had it. Like I wouldn't find out.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

My parents went straight to silent treatments the first moment I tried to be heard. It's not like they were trying to contact me. The rule was simple, shut up or phukc off. No in-between. They have told everybody I broke *their* heart, while giving me the cold shoulder for 4+ years

[@tsmith3522]

Well, we hear you, and you are validated❤

[@ElizabethWildy]

Empty self involved people

[@matikramer9648]

🍀

[@markthorne5025]

That's what they do! Play the victim. While they act like Furious Wolves behind the scenes.

[@malwads1836]

Be thankful they leave you the heck alone, these people are completely unhinged MONSTERS🤢🤮.

[@thetruth3325]

So many going no contact. I've noticed you also speak about this more now than your previous videos. People are realizing apologies and boundaries don't work with too many dysfunctional families. People are now putting all the pieces of the puzzle together learning it is not just 1 or 2 events .. it's a history of disrespect and mistreatment

[@BingoMomi]

I was physically, verbally and emotionally abused since a kid. Parents were heavy drinkers. I lived my life in confusion and frustration until my late 50's. I've been no contact now for 7 years. Now my mom is in poor health, near the end of her days and the family says they need me to help care for her. I'm not going back. And yes, i do have feelings of guilt, hurt, anger and regret, wondering why my family was so dysfunctional. They say I'm the selfish one for leaving. It hasn't been easy.

[@matikramer9648]

They guilt tripping you Can you go to full no contact? Do you have support group or guidance?

[@shihtzuluvrtwo6386]

You're not!

[@mvbigmagic4048]

Don't go back. :( I made the mistake of getting hoovered back for my dad's terminal illness. My mother used and abused me financially, isolating me from my husband AND my kids. It was sick. I can't believe i fell for it. She future-faked me that if I helped her with the house repairs (and there were SO MANY REPAIRS), she would sell the house and move to a safer assisted living community that my dad even wanted to move into! Many thousands of dollars later... of MY MONEY, MY TIME, and having quit my job to stay alone with these sick delusional people in their hoarded house, getting yelled at for unblocking doorways and throwing away rotten moldy shit, she said she didn't want to sell the house. And refused to give me a POA, but was doing financially stupid things, and asking me to fix them, and then getting mad at me when I did. It's hopeless to help true narcissists. My mother-in-law was NOT like this, when she became elderly. She and my father-in-law downsized twice as they got older, and they were happy to let my sister-in-law help them with their finances when they became confused. My mother is like that dog on the Tacoma Narrows Bridge when it was collapsing, that bit its owner when it tried to pull it from the car. So the dog went down with the bridge. My mother fought my help, and she won. I'm done. No-contact since my poor father's death. It's been my salvation, and the salvation of my husband and kids.

[@BingoMomi]

​@matikramer9648 I don't see them or interact with at all. I'm about as full-on, no contact as I can be except changing phone#. It's not hard finding people nowadays unless you make it a point to disappear. I hope others in this situation find the means and strength to get away. Don't be fooled thinking that you can fix it. It just prolongs it. It can be difficult but once your living in peace, you'll never want to be in that or around people like that again.

[@justrosy5]

They're the selfish ones for expecting you to take care of her after she put you through all of that! They just don't want to deal with her anymore - and just aren't telling you that part.

[@debral9651]

My family don't care about losing me. Because there's nothing else they can take from me

[@Imissyoulou]

Been there. They never cared in the first place.

[@matikramer9648]

Be careful Love bombing and hooverings fell me very deep down By my mom and my ex I had to hospitalise myself in mental institution, in closed unit. And even there they were able reach me and has me... Be careful THEY like predators and know when you at your weakest... May my prayers go with you

[@debral9651]

@@matikramer9648 I'm really sorry you went through all of this xx

[@mvbigmagic4048]

@@matikramer9648 They really are like predators. :( They don't stop. :( Even months after I went no-contact, my mother attempted to hoover me. Even while smearing me to people. It's like she cannot conceive that a NORMAL person doesn't want to help someone who is INSULTING them behind their backs. It's delusional. And yet, it makes their victims go insane also. I hope you have loving people around you to keep you grounded in reality. :(

[@josiah5776]

Them going no contact with me was the best gift ever. But, my narc mother did all of these. She became livid when she couldn't buy me with the inheritance ... and that was the end of it.

[@imzabatch]

The scapegoating/smear campaign is what happened when I went NC with my mom. The last family function we were at together, I overheard her talking sh*t about me to other relatives. It sucks. But I know the family member who know me, know what the lies are and hopefully see and appreciate that I have never stooped to that level. I feel like the fact that she has and I haven't speaks volumes about us and what's going on.

[@tessellatiaartilery8197]

Many people balk at no contact due to lost inheritance but I believe if you frame it differently you'll see a dividend. In addition to the savings of wasted time and energy you will literally save thousands potentially spent on therapy and treatments for the illnesses they will cause. See it like cutting a tumor out of your brain. And then being freed up to bring better people and experiences into the rest of your life. Best wishes everyone and massive appreciation to our esteemed Jerry. ❤

[@justrosy5]

They were never going to leave you an inheritance anyway. Plus, if they were hoarders, then that means you don't have to deal with the serious problems of their hoarder houses. There are KZbin videos that show what those are really like, and it's a real bio-hazard.

[@paintandpetunia3662]

The inheritance carrot was a laugh when my Ndad played that card. We all know they’re going to be buried with their money regardless of our status with them.

[@jjdippel4152]

Narcissist is one thing. Covert is worse!

[@matikramer9648]

Covert narcissist is worse

[@malwads1836]

Want to know the WORST thing?All full-blown narcs can behave in a covert manner depending upon the time/situation/🎯/place🤢.This is why it's so important to understand both the covert & overt types of behavior, they're typically a mix of BOTH types of behaviors even if they primarily exhibit 1 type🤮.

[@forgiven5919]

Yes because others think the narc is a nice person, but dont know how horrible she is.

[@morriganwitch]

No contact for over 30 years still tries through my children and even grandchildren

[@ElizabethWildy]

Wow....good for you. I wish i had known about it all earlier.

[@mercyme8014]

I replace the word “family” with “cult” and it all makes so much more sense. Therapy is a part of my deprogramming but staying away from the cult has been essential to understand where they end and I begin.

[@justrosy5]

Exactly. I think my parents did try to start a cult, without their thinking of it that way. They got all uber-religious but not like anything in any known religion. Just kind of went off on their own, self published a bunch of books, blah blah. They have the nerve to go off about how families should be and even write about scapegoating "straying" children and whatever, and I'm all, "Dear Reader, have you **met** my parents??!" Anywho. Sorry for what you've been through. It really is hard, but that's what this community is for, so I'm glad we're here!

[@leetheaarceneaux8151]

I have cut off contact with the two people who were the most toxic and abusive my mother and brother. I had enough and now that they are out of my life I am happy with no drama.

[@leeluna6495]

It's so comforting to know these behavior patterns are common. I was cleaning some old emails and found one from my narc father asking me to come home for the holidays. I calmly responded I wouldn't feel comfortable after the last time I was home when he blew up at me and I quoted what hurtful things he said. His response: denied it! Fast forward 20 years, he did, indeed, cut me out of his will. He forgot to remove me from his life insurance. Interesting to note, I got no enjoyment from that money because everything with him was clouded and lacked generosity and joy.

[@remosplace1]

I can relate. I raised the years abuse with him. No recollection whatsoever. A perfect case of “abuse amnesia”.

[@Potmesil04]

All of that and more. Very glad to live 1000 miles away from it all.

[@matikramer9648]

Me too

[@somedumbozzie1539]

I did the same in the 70's new city, new friends and a very healthy new surrogate family.

[@ElizabethWildy]

Im 5000 miles away.....somehow still not far enough.

[@Anastasiamp3307]

I changed country and continent. The best thing I have ever done in my life.

[@charlotteinfj4412]

I had all of that when I talked to them. But my story of going no contact is quite different. Since then, it's SILENCE. They do not care, they can't cope as mature adults. You just cease to exist. I know because it happened with my father when I was a child. He became "you know who" and only because I talked about him from time to time. But he was as good as dead. So am I to them. It's sad, unhealthy and I am still ashamed. The silver lining is I don't live in drama anymore. The abuse is in the past. But I grieve for a family I never had.

[@tspencer661]

Create your own family with friends.

[@kelli2643]

❤❤❤😢aww that's very sad,but unfortunately I guess we all have to create our own families, since we weren't/ aren't loved

[@malwads1836]

That's the beauty of it though.....Now you get to create your own loving healthy family❤️‍🩹.As my life motto goes...I'd rather have even just a single lovely 🌹 growing in my garden than an entire yard full of poison ivy.

[@Mudpie68]

Exactly leaving you searching forever for all the reasons why.

[@tspencer661]

Don’t be ashamed. You did nothing wrong. You’ve shared your story with us. Start to share it with people you know. So many of us are dealing with unhealthy family issues. I know too many people who have abuse, trauma, and addiction as part of their family’s story. Some people have more than one trauma to deal with. You’re not alone. You’re not the only person who has emotionally immature family members. All of us who are commenting on this video also have emotionally immature family members. We see you. We want the best for you.😊

[@ia9259]

My mom has followed me and has isolated me from everyone in the family, she has accused me of everything she did, she tried to destroy my marriage, she paid people to follow me and tried to ruin my career in a job where reputation matters. When I fell ill during the pandemic she said that if I hadn't died already I should give my body to science and that I was a liar. I've always been ill all my childhood. She also said if I were ill it was a punishment cause I didn't respect my parents (my dad who divorced her ended up listening to her and he was all I had, I loved him so much). One day, she said that she had an abortion after I was born and that she made a mistake, I'm the one she should have thrown away. She is the most despicable person ever and people think she's awesome. Even though she did all this, I'm glad she's out of my life. It was worth it. I can't stand her before I left her I'd throw up at the sound of her voice. How sad this is.

[@matikramer9648]

I'm very sorry to hear I wish you luck in staying away from her. My best wishes and prayers for you and your health

[@ia9259]

@@matikramer9648 Thank you very much for your message and support. I wish you the best :)

[@catherinesinclair7727]

I threw up after a mother's day lunch

[@jeffs.7412]

My father told me for many years I would not be included in his will.. I still have the letter from him taking me off the will. He sent it a few days before Christmas.. I told him thanks, best Christmas gift ever and went no contact. A few years later he committed suicide under the care of his narcissistic daughter. He was 94.. hummmm

[@joseenoel8093]

Mine as poor as a church mouse 🐁, he supported her and her bastard son, when asked if I wanted to go through his things, nope 🙅🏻, he was in public housing and she prob got kicked out, I don't owe them anything I'm good with that!

[@jetsetter883]

Hah, if I were you I would’ve been blamed for it due to going no contact!

[@alison7948]

I had multiple rounds of every single thing spoken about in this video. Three years after no contact I still doubt myself as I was conditioned to do so and then I hear your words and realize I am not insane and evil... I'm going to be ok.

[@madeleinegrayson8372]

Nothing insane or evil about taking good care of yourself. Well done, you.

[@ViannaAmbrosi]

Almost all of these have happened to me as I've gone low contact.

[@alexanderunguez9633]

When I finally went no contact, I let my father know that if he needed to contact me in case of emergency that he could but only through another family member. For the first year he would constantly text and email me so I had to block him. He gave up after a year, but never once respected that boundary. It still makes me sad that he couldn't ever meet me halfway, but the years of separation brought slow but real healing. I have much more peace and capacity for joy.

[@christymartin6281]

I finally went no contact with my dad after he blew up and disowned me, sending me a hateful, angry letter and wrote me out of his will in February. He then blew up and berated my son and brother afterwards, they blocked his phone number. No contact on his birthday, or Father's Day. I was amazed on July 4th he texted me a holiday meme, testing the waters I suppose. No response. He's probably feeling lonely, wondering why no one wants to talk to him. You can't kick a dog, then expect him to lick your hand and kiss your face.

[@stevenhuntley8706]

I'm in a position that i neither care what they do nor can they really do anything of substance to me or mine. I wish the same for all of you, and you can get there if you keep going and don't give up.

[@charlotteinfj4412]

Yep, it's acceptance. Thank you.

[@ElizabethWildy]

Lucky....im sure you worked hard to be in that position. Im almost there...just a few threads of guilt to obliterate.

[@stevenhuntley8706]

@@ElizabethWildy you've got this 💪

[@matikramer9648]

Thank you Much appreciate it I really needed to hear it today

[@lisadee8797]

Out of sight, out of mind. They didn’t noticed me gone. They found new supply.

[@Malaya880]

They lose their shit when you go non contact. For the mother she felt loss of control and manipulation of her only daughter. Her love bombing went into overdrive.

[@fionagrant2023]

l grew up abused by every family member. So over it. Last year l had enough. l told my toxic father "l dont even want to know you" He laughed. l hung up. Let them talk bad about me. They will. ldgaf. lm traumatised for life and lm just trying to make it through the day.

[@sharonjones7138]

Reframing the narrative is very popular because they have to make themselves appear to be the victim. They are such “right fighters”, that they need to appear to have done everything right in a given situation. There is no truth in them, especially if they are enraged. So as they retell a story, they come out shining like gold.

[@malwads1836]

....But the wise & healthy can still 👀 that they're just a 💩 spray painted with cheap gold paint.😉👍🏻

[@allheartandsong]

What you said about if you pull out your puzzle piece, the rest of the puzzle has to adjust. Wow, so true. It is sad how many comments are on this video. Shows how big of a problem this really is.

[@Rabi_aa]

My mother/siblings are bitter, hateful bullies. This year my name was smeared as the scape goat and no contact has been healing. Only missing the love I never had from them.

[@cassien7585]

That part about you going no contact inadvertently exposes the family is 1000 percent true. I think my FIL is struggling with this bc he has to know I don't like him and he tries to coerce me back into the fold. I'm low contact and he has tried all those tricks: Money, future faking with trips, manipulation with inheritance. Instead of honesty and accountability, I get coercion. They are crazy making people. 😊

[@malwads1836]

🌞👍🏻👍🏻Good on you for not taking that poisoned bait🪤!It's all just "dodo bird prizes" as I call them....The shiny things they dangle in front of you AREN'T ½ as good as they pretend they are because it comes at 10x the price of what it's actually worth.

[@mvbigmagic4048]

That's just it! Instead of just being honest and caring and accountable..... NO. They always choose manipulation. Pain. There is no love in these sick people. Once you see it, you can't unsee it. :( It colors everything they do. They cannot change or accept change. It's both sad and yet disgusting.

[@Woodlandfairy2327]

Great video. You are absolutely spot on, going no contact exposes the family dysfunction. It's all about the optics with the narcissist, anybody thinking they may be less than perfect is an existential crisis for them.

[@jerrywise]

Thank you much!

[@Iwillsaywhateveriwant]

My narc family only ever reaches out to me when they want material to use against me, or to rip apart anything that's good in my life. I had to go no contact to protect myself and heal (still working on that, with God's grace and love).

[@MentalWellnessWithWaihiga]

I have made the decision to go nc. This is something that i have shamed myself over for the past two years. I have felt so guilty. One day standing firm that i will go nc the other day over come with so much guilt and shame telling myself that im the problem just accept it and get in line and love your family. But deep down knowing that i know the truth and i can't unknow it. Its time to walk. God please give me the strength to do this

[@Graigshooter]

I chose to go no contact to heal. At the same time, it gives me great pleasure to know, that just by going no contact they can no longer uphold their image of the perfect family. While hurting them is not the reason I went no contact, I do feel Schadenfreude, that by prioritizing myself I am upsetting them. 2 things can be true.

[@Pukeyray]

I've been avoid no contact for the longest and after reading Polyvagal theory, I see how much damage being around very aggressive and domineering people can cause. And as a scapegoat, getting interventions just causes more one sided warfare. People who can handicap another's nervous system with that traumatic rage Jerry mentioned, are necessary candidates for no contact I'm learning. Additional, I heard especially those on ASPD scale really don't honor boundaries. In my family, boundaries are seen more like frivolous obstacles and dweeb is meekly requesting. Gets smacked away harder and lighter than an air puck. Bless you Jerry!

[@markthorne5025]

Ive gone no contact with my Birth Family. Absolutely no respect for my wife or me treated like 3rd class Citizen's. Tried my hardest to no avail. Now ive escaped i realise how toxic they have been they certainly didn't love me ! Anyway im moving on and up me and my wife have peaceful weekends now with our Cocker spaniel. Mark from England.

[@shihtzuluvrtwo6386]

Mark, I'm in the same boat. I'm the wife, received the same treatment from them. My husband stood up for me and I'm to blame for everything according to the monster-in-law narcissist. Like you and your wife, we enjoy our time together with our Shih Tzu pup. Enjoy your life together, it's your life and it is not for outsiders to control!

[@markthorne5025]

@@shihtzuluvrtwo6386 Thank you you feel like it's only you this is happening too.And you realise your not .Enjoy your life Blessings.

[@matthewhoover3433]

I went no contact with my adopted parents. A man more than twice my age started a fight with me at a party, but I ended it. My parents were infuriated that I had the gall to fight back. I also have a cocker spaniel, and he is the best dog. Excellent breed :)

[@karenmininni4962]

When you are breadcrumbed to the point of having no choice but to go no contact it’s fate.

[@TheMightyPika]

Thank you, Jerry. I need the validation that it's ok that I'm living a happier life after going no contact with my family who never wanted me in the first place.

[@jerrywise]

You deserve the happy life you want ❤️

[@lovefaith6285]

Making the decision to go no contact with a parent(s) is a really tough. I finally made that decision after just being fed up with how my mom treats me. Accepting that my mom would never change and that she is in actuality a mean spirited person was a hard pill to swallow because it meant my intuition was right about her. Our mothers are our first love and realizing she never truly loved you, that all the mean and hurtful things said and done to you was a form of abuse. I would always forgive her, thinking she really didn't mean what she said or did because she was tired from work or stressed out from my 5 older siblings. Remembering how I would see my mom treat my brothers and nieces and nephews better and me as if I was so terrible made me make myself small so that I wouldn't make her angry. When she told me I was the mistake I felt like I didn't deserve to live. At 7yrs old I started cutt myself in an attempt to exit my existence. Now at 51 I don't know how I made it this far, but my self care is long over due. Thank you for this video Jerry.🙏🙏🙏✌💜

[@Ann-Robbins]

I never get what i expect from your videos, In the best way! I always learn so much from the way you see and approach the topics you talk about! Thank you so much Jerry! (Btw your program is life changing, I wish I had access to it earlier ❤️)

[@jerrywise]

Happy to hear that!

[@troynunley8161]

I had to go HOMELESS(!) to go NC. Wish I had done it sooner! Do it!

[@denisechishko4046]

Scapegoating can backfire. Narcs don't expect the scapegoat to embrace that role, love it and become it fully which in turn exposes the narc to the entire community. Some people really do not care what anyone thinks of them... That's the only way to truly be free.

[@EternalSnowWhite]

2 years no contact with my "father", never realized how stressed he made me until I stopped interacting with him entirely

[@ShelleyKennedy-m5d]

You are describing my mom.

[@winsome6705]

Great video. I'm so glad I dont have to lose this battle w myself anymore. I'll keep reminding myself no contact is self care. ❤

[@jerrywise]

You got this!👍🏼

[@LunaLinguine]

I can't tell you how much your videos have helped me, Jerry. Thank you so much. 🙏🏼

[@jerrywise]

Happy to hear that!😊

[@marygreene4027]

Ive yet to watch but in my experience they use you going no contact to further play the victim as to especially why she has threated me this way but also to further her lies to others. Ive no contact pre covid 2019.. and my life is more peaceful

[@charleentheron4767]

My mother now97 stole and conned me out of all my money 30 yrs ago to control me financially since then .I have gonenocontact for8months now.

[@catherinesinclair7727]

It's the flying monkey that reaches out and gains status / family approval by reporting back to the abusers. Awful

[@amylink7199]

I had to go no contact with them, too.

[@mlynn2161]

I dunno Jerry; if 30 mil is on the line I might have to compromise 😄. Great video as always!

[@malwads1836]

That's mere chump change for your happiness, peace, & overall health!🤗

[@talithakoum1965]

After years, decades, sometimes lives, they finally accept the non contact because the scapegoat is entering the hard phase life : aging. During all that time, they have plotted and watched. Now, they still watch owing to the flying monkeys and everything they find. Thus, they will get their fuel even if the scapegoat is far away, suffering from illnesses, solitude or a bad life.

[@malwads1836]

..... Only if we let them.We WERE absolutely victims but it's up to us in regards to whether or not we choose to work on healing ultimately, they're not actually part of that no matter how important they may delusionally believe they are.It's a lot of effort & time to heal but it's well worth it❤️‍🩹.

[@mvbigmagic4048]

Yes, they are perpetual creepers. :(

[@justrosy5]

That's why posting fake "Look at my great life!" images on social media is so important. Never let them know when you're vulnerable.

[@sheilabest3652]

🎯 You expressed my sentiments regarding my reason for going no contact.

[@laylahalgharib3150]

I had to run the the US Army to getvaway. There is always a bigger authority! Thank you!

[@Brittany25-j6f]

My mother sent me a geneology tree and I wasn't even on it!!!! My sister was, but not me. I think they just hope people won't know I exist.

[@Tasa1k0Beloved]

oh❤its dificult even to read it! the most powerful is to forgive them... not easy, often i question if their brain does realise how evil and hurtinh they act ... life is not black&white... relationships are complicated :/

[@Imissyoulou]

I've been there. I have met people that thought she had four kids when she actually had 5. I was the kid she never talked about. However, I had an extended family that was AWESOME. Therefore, I never felt bad, just amused.

[@ricksummerfield784]

Hopefully you wete adopted and the A.holes you left behind wernt actually yours, just be happy and focus on your own happyness, it might sound selfish but who else will think about your happyness, good luck

[@hiddenhand6973]

Wowwwww My toxic grandmother went to a wedding of one of her daughters. When one of the daughters stopped by the table to say hi to toxic Grandma, toxic Grandma replied with “who are you?” What the.

[@malwads1836]

​@@Tasa1k0BelovedRelationships may be complicated....But abuse sure isn't.Abuse is abuse. Forgiveness is for ourselves & allowing ourselves to move on... Reconciliation is for others & there is no reconciling with these ice-cold abusive individuals.

[@mariag5201]

Jerry, this video might be the one helping me the most, my parents passed away physically but all of my siblings are the system worse than a cult, and they are pushing hard wich makes me feel dense emotions, but this has made a click in my mind, im waiting those 5 years you said, this is my first one ...God please help us all haha! thank you very much, you are A BLESSING ON EARTH!!

[@joeythebushkangaroo1]

When i meet extended family i say I'm the baa•aa•aad one, they laugh. Just make a joke out of the ridiculous behaviour of your "Loving Family". 😂

[@turkeeg7644]

mine told everyone I was a drug addict and a mental case and wanted nothing to do with me.

[@brendaplunkett8659]

My father decided that I was a victim of "False Memory Syndrome" and this was something my therapist was feeding me lies. I had one joint session and then went no contact on Father's Day. He told everyone who asked about me this, so if I blamed him and told people, he would be covered. He had no concern about me. DARVO .

[@CrissyOShow]

Went no contact 6 months ago and you hit the nail on the head! Had to get a warrant out on the egg donor for criminal trespassing stressed out but holding my ground.

[@cynthiathomas5754]

I am NC/LC in the same house as the parent. I am risking inheritance just because I won't be verbally abused anymore. They really don't seem to care, but there have been things set up to try an trick me into asking questions. I wont do it. A bit of niceties given that will never balance out the accusations and insults. No apologies from them, ever. I can't remember apologies ever being offered throughout their crappy parenthood. I was a good sport for most of my life. All it got me was maneuvered into a financial crisis. I expect the parent will spend all the money, so why be abused another 10 yrs?

[@matikramer9648]

Reasonable reasoning, sorry for words play Actually it is called "future faking"... They promise mountains of gold or whatever they promise to charm you back just to insult you and to turn you into enemy No1... My mom did it to me, so does my ex..... Be careful, please

[@amberinthemist7912]

Even if they don't spend it all narcs are highly likely to donate it all to charity to spite you even after you care for them in their old age.

[@healingways2293]

The abuse continues no matter what. Lovely society.

[@usernane3652]

I so wish my narc mother would just accept the fact I do not want to hear from her anymore, of course I blocked her phone number but she keeps leaving messages into my answering machine, which sadly cannot be blocked. She is trying to hover me in order to punish me further and she does not allow me to simply forget she exists. Se knows what she's doing. Fortunately all my sisters were previously abused by her, so at least they are happy I am now no contact. It's sad but I will only find peace when she will be gone.

[@matikramer9648]

May you find peace and serenity sooner, much sooner.

[@TheHelenhunter]

Change phone #?

[@usernane3652]

@@TheHelenhunter useless, I should give my number to the rest of the family and she would manage to get it from someone. But I found a different solution, I blocked notifications from the answering machine :) Thanks for your suggestion though

[@eiwagarciabrito495]

You’re God sent

[@avivabillington5514]

💯👍 exactly right!! In my experience, I'm not 1 to be borrowed bought bribed anything

[@blue.5058]

I went no-context with most of my family for a while ago. In the least, I went grey-rock with most of my family as I didn’t want to deal with them anymore. Most notable was the situation. My wife notified my father about the stroke I had two months ago, and he literally said, “I don’t care if he lives or dies!” and went on some bizarre tirade about “loving himself”. He went on his tirade despite my still being connected with my wife via cell. He also brought up withholding inheritance as well (even though he already squandered his inheritance). My mother, on the other hand went on a love-bombing trip (she offered to help pay for my hospital costs, etc.) until she went on a victim trip on me about her treatment from said narc father (so much so that I had to remove her her from my hospital room).

[@darinsmith2458]

If I am honest with myself I wasn't really part of the family.. This includes my mom's 7 sisters and 1 brother.. Or anybody that my parents or siblings knew.. It was more about me accepting that and then living my own life..

[@madeleinegrayson8372]

I can so relate to that. I had one family member I felt close to, my grandmother. After she died in 2001, and I lived 2,000 miles away, I slowly went low contact for ages. And the rest of the family always rallied around my mum, never, ever behind me. Always the outsider. Later I discovered I was very much like my absent father, which is probably why. I always said I felt like a wolf being raised by bears. So being a lone wolf was bound to happen

[@darinsmith2458]

@@madeleinegrayson8372 Makes sense..

[@rosel9785]

Today, I am weary. My sister and I are estranged. Our brother is an alcoholic/narcissist. Our brother lives with our Mom - who has chronic pain. Our parents enabled our brother for 50+ years. I am tired of being cut off my my sister. But I don't miss the "never can live up to what she expects (appearances)."

[@matikramer9648]

Thank you, Jerry I will take your last words seriously

[@MD-vb1hq]

In 2016, i cut off everyone I knew and moved across the country. They found me. Since my restraining order against them expired in 2020, they sent cards, gifts, my cousin who moved nearby, and then my mother popped up at my door again this past April. Their persistence only makes me stronger.

[@matikramer9648]

Stay strong and flexible My children wanted to change their surname May the providence guide you

[@scoobysnax9787]

My father used £50 million to pay off my sisters who he had inappropriate relations with. Money buys silence. As the Truth Telling Scapegoat I went NO Contact in 2006. I was disinherited then. One important thing about self care is to look after yourself financially first, it makes NO Contact all the more fun. They hate your success. But I have my own friends & family now. When I think of my old family the horrors come back. I just don't think of them anymore. But I will tell you everything you have said I have experienced. You are an Excellent Amazing Therapist.

[@Lisa-t1n7l]

Narcissists all hate no contact.

[@marekm9647]

Dziękujemy.

[@singwithoutlimits]

I'm coming up on 7 years no contact. We've had one family function in that time - a funeral - and he was embarrassing and awful, but my cousins had my back. His siblings have asked me lots of questions about it which I understand. One in particular who I'm quite close to I would bet is hearing the brunt of it from him and likely being blamed for my decision. My brother didn't officially go NC like I did by writing a letter, but he's adopted the same behavior. We're both so much freer now.

[@stevec3892]

Twenty years ago they all went away together and never asked me .

[@ElizabethWildy]

Awful...

[@malwads1836]

​@@ElizabethWildyAwful, sure......But it's also a darn gift in disguise ultimately baby🌞👍🏻!

[@TheHelenhunter]

Just remember that your worth and identity is not determined by a certain group of people, or any people for that matter. By treating you this way they did not determine your worth, they just exposed what's inside of THEM, what they're made of and what type of people they are. You don't need phony people around you, find the ones that have good and decency and love inside of them 😊👊🏼

[@robertcollins1776]

All of this is very good advice. You have described my mother's behavior more accurately than I could have when I was living with her. I wish I'd had something like this 50 years ago. Thank you.

[@RoxyVarley]

This is spot on. My partners family is narcissist he is the scapegoat. His family consistently used no contact as a way to punish him. Since he and I have gone no contact with have been expelled from the family if he tries to get in touch with them then block him immediately. Very very sad. His ex girlfriend who also went no contact with his family - all the extended family told me it’s because she was an alcoholic and crazy I spoke to her not an alcoholic and definitely not crazy 😮

[@aarfan44]

4:43 LMAO, when you said, “I know someone who was threatened with $30 million dollars,” I said, “Oh, sh*t!” LMAO. That’s a lot of money. I started laughing when you said that maybe you could be bought after all, who knows. Great video as usual.

[@davshavu]

Twisted thinking to avoid all of their missteps. They are perfect, you need to understand, you are imperfect. And if do not understand you are imperfect, you will be targeted for real abuse. I will never understand. Every time I tried to figure out why the narcissist behaves so ridiculous, I got abuse. When I went gray rock ( for decades) the abuse came in long lectures heavily sprinkled with gaslighting and boundary crossing. My life, is insignificant. In order to be significant, in the narcissist mind,is to have the capability to take abuse 100%. 24/365. As I get older, I realize my capability to take abuse is decreasing at a very rapid rate. And actually trying to help means you need to suffer more than the person you're trying to help. Quite the lifestyle! Sure it makes zero sense! I am here to feel worse than you! They live to hurt others. Been "No Contact" just a short 6 months, I'm just starting to feel myself again. I'm human. Not a punching bag for a narcissist. If anyone treats me like a punching bag, they'll find out quickly, I will punch back. I've learned the hardest way possible narcissists need to see you love yourself, something they're scared of, and in order to love yourself, to be truly human, you'll need to go no contact. That's harsh advice, I know, but zero apologies, it's the truth. Narcissists get worse, not better. That's how you'll know you're dealing with one.

[@CoolClik-hg7cr]

I totally agree what you did say about no contacted on the narcissists family hadn't seen my family over 30years. I did try to reconcile with them it back fired on the phone. Putting over 300miles away did help tremendously 😊 Thank you Jerry for your input it most definitely means a lot what you are saying.

[@valerieshy8749]

Fantastic content. Witnessed this is another nuclear family. Happened just as you said it would here. Wish it all could have been handled differently., but actions were taken before consequences and insane behaviors from narcs ensued. So pathetic.

[@chelsea8425]

I really appreciate this video. I’ve been low contact and my mom just played victim and made me look like the bad guy with my aunt recently. I was upset for a while and feeling guilt/shame and then realized I don’t need to prove anything and get wrapped back up in the drama. I went low contact for my own self care and mental health, and I’m owning that.

[@EveryFlavoredBees]

I finally learned what boundaries were and would not play into my stepmother's emotional manipulation anymore. My parents turned insidious and convinced a lot of family members not to attend our baby shower. They went no contact with us and lied to everyone that it was us cutting the contact. It hurt at the time, but now I feel free.

[@kelli2643]

❤❤❤u r jerry wise,..the irony..thank u 😊

[@avivabillington5514]

💯 in my experience, make excuses to ensure they get you to phone them 0r any form of ways including stalking tendencies that they see as legal!!

[@AHHHHOK]

I'll always comment and say going no contact was one of the hardest, but best things I've ever done. 2 years on she's still smearing my name. She's STILL defying a simple request to not comment on my sons KZbin videos (we can't seem to block her, esp as we are mobile not on computer. Any advice welcome). You have to start small, celebrate each day that you've managed to not speak to them. Soon it will be weeks, months and years. And you'll feel amazing. But just push for today, every day. ❤

[@Isatahealsherself]

Hi Jerry, I want to thank you so much for all your videos. It has helped me greatly with processing and understand my family situation. Your videos have been very healing for me. You’re very much appreciated. Thank you 😊

[@matikramer9648]

I concur

[@lorileewalters2018]

I have been unaccepted for a long time, I have gone No contact with my mother, and the anxiety, guilt and all you said I’m going through now. But, my mom, brother have said I’m a loser, with nothing to offer. And when I was being sexually harassed by a landlord and he evicted me because I wouldn’t be his companion and I couldn’t find any place to go, my mom told me that my brother and son said to just set her out on the street, she said and I’m the only one who came for you, and then she told me that my brothers wife kicked him out of their house and my son let him stay with him, and it shattered me. That’s just the tip of the iceberg of what has happened.😭

[@sunnyadams5842]

I love you Jerry!!! ❤

[@DreamsofJeannie]

When I went no contact my father used my bipolar disorder against me by telling me and my whole family that I'm delusional to think that I was ever abused. Told me I'm not well. Thanks Dad for the gaslighting.

[@Rareplymouth]

I don't want a inheritance from my mother. Not a single thing. I told my aunt I had to cut ties with my mothers siblings because she would use anyone she could to get to me. All while my aunt was being used to manipulate me. She got a few hundred buck from me and it was worth every penny. That was the last contact I had with any of them. Then I moved half way across the country. The one person I see that she does is my sister. She's schizophrenic. Lives in a nursing home. Makes it hard to manipulate her. I still have a great relationship with my sister, my dad, my children & grandchildren. My husband's family is great. We live near them now. My children have all been hurt by her. They have very little to do with her. Every once in a while they see her at a holiday but rarely. After my grandpa passed away there was nobody that made it worth the pain.

[@matikramer9648]

🍀

[@RebeccaMoore3268]

You have said something that really made sense to me. Things that they will lie to shame you. That's exactly what my doctor parents did to me. I told all people stuff to shame me. I have foster parents bring stuff up in my face.

[@elegantgiraffe9570]

My narcissistic mother involved me in shady deals, loans, and property purchases back when I was younger. I didn't question or read all the things she got me to sign, because it never occurred to me that I couldn't trust her. Now, I'm trying to go no-contact, but can't, because I'm tied to her in this way. 😒😮‍💨