Religion & There Is No God | George Carlin | You Are All Diseased (1999)

[@finneycharles5604]

"But he loves you" gets me every time. 😂😂

[@TheNorwoodCat]

Ditto!!!!!

[@Forever_Endeavor]

And he needs 💰

[@cameronbigley7483]

I remember a teacher in school said something that reminded me of this exact bit. We both had a laugh afterwards when I explained my motion of "But he loves you!"

[@OfficialGeorgeCarlin]

The best ❤

[@revwillyg6450]

@@damianedwards8827ha! That's not what's described in the holy bibble at all, Jack. You made up your own god story and that's fine, but what you said is laughable

[@dennisw64]

THE BEST argument against religion I ever heard... PERIOD.

[@ctaylor5682]

For sure! Very eye-opening!

[@Michael-k3s8l]

Amen. ( oops).

[@bak-mariterry9143]

​@@Michael-k3s8l 🤣

[@tahirhubbard7633]

God is not a religion he's a reality

[@ctaylor5682]

@dennisw64 ....facts! I'm embarrassed how I wasted years blvg "SKY daddy" was real.....created world but can't save children from abuse!...needs us to read an ARCHAIC book about him and chant his name...claims to be all-knowing but requires prayers to inform him of a need....SO GLAD I'M DELIVERED FROM THE FAIRYTALES OF INVISIBLE MAN!

[@Waitaminit-wo5er]

As a standup comedian and social commentator he has never had an equal! Skits like this will live on indefinitely, because they speak truths that most people are afraid to talk about.

[@OfficialGeorgeCarlin]

@@Waitaminit-wo5er Thanks for tuning in!

[@chuckselvage3157]

"And he needs money" 😂😂😂 RIP George Carlin thanks for the laughs.

[@j3i2i2yl7]

He can cure aches and pains if the guy you give your money to lays hands on you, but faith healers need dentists to fix their cavities.

[@Donathon-f6f]

Sadly, we in America, could use him now....

[@henrynewton8809]

If there is a heaven, he is definitely there?😊😊

[@Frankya92]

This was the very first bit of George Carlin I was introduced to. At first I thought he was appalling for saying this, but little did I know at the time that this was the beginning of my journey towards the end of my religious mindset. RIP George Carlin

[@michellesmith6558]

I felt like this all the time growing up in a Roman Catholic household. I went to catholic schools from 6th grade through 12th grade. Half of my teachers were nuns and you just didn’t question anything. Period. I did think these things the whole way through school. Watching this only confirmed it for me and I’ve never looked back. I did however have my kids baptised and 2 other sacraments but I’ve never made them go to church. My parents took them when they stayed overnight but I’ve never pushed it and I’ve left them alone to decide if it’s important to them. I only did those things so they knew a little about religion and where they came from. It’s not an interest of theirs. I don’t go to church anymore. I don’t even want a funeral I want to be cremated and my kids can have a party!

[@Franky2A3]

I really don't know the guy, is he dead? The YT is dated 29 Dec 2024.

[@Frankya92]

@@Franky2A3 yea, he died back in 2008

[@kenmore01]

But what if there is a God? Isn't it safer to believe? They have you at every corner.

[@CodeNascher_]

​@@kenmore01safer than what? what are you afraid of?

[@CraftyArts]

Will stand the test of time forever.

[@robertthomas5196]

The subject matter will always be topical.

[@AJScraps]

George wasn’t just a comedian, but a major league philosopher who happens to be funny😆

[@mybrainlikesthings]

Did you see Mel Brooks’ “History of the World, Part 1?” Because the trade of Comedian was (respectfully) referred to as a “Stand-up Philosopher”…

[@notyouraverageharleyquinnstan]

​@@mybrainlikesthingsgreat movie

[@ancientwisdom108]

Especially in his older years. No matter how many times I watch this bit, it makes me laugh out loud with tears.

[@jessieeyy908]

I totally agree

[@Hannoshobazz_Neolmech]

He was a Satirist on the level of LUCIEN of Samosata, not a Philosopher.

[@starwarsunfiltered7848]

My favorite George segment from my favorite George special of all time. Whenever I need to sum up my exact reasons for why I don't follow fundamentalist religion, I just point people to this clip.

[@ettajfan5882]

He really was at a peak for this show. Spot on with all topics.

[@starwarsunfiltered7848]

@@ettajfan5882 Totally. I re-watched it not that long ago, just to reconfirm.

[@j.r.marchley1563]

Carlin was right about so many things about the world we live in. If a person needs religion to somehow escape going to hell then all they truly are is a bad person on a leash.

[@OfficialGeorgeCarlin]

👍

[@Taehc]

I can say the same thing about you with penal law. And you only know what's good because you were born and raised in an urban society built upon religious values.

[@gonzog8d]

​@@TaehcThere are a lot of non christian and pre-christian groups who ended up with a similar set of morals. Given our access to information, it's pretty embarrassing how much history you have to explain away to justify claiming that religion is where our values came from. You should be ashamed.

[@Taehc]

@gonzog8d You want to bring up all the atrocities people have done in the name of religion. Well I tell you, those people are not our brothers, not of our religion. You wanna argue that those people are? Check the standard. As Christians, the absolute standard is Christ. Someone doesn't behave more and more like Christ, that someone will never be a part of Christianity. It's like you're trying to shame good cops and the justice system for what dirty cops have done. Dirty cops are still legally cops, but not in value, are they?

[@Taehc]

@gonzog8d You want to bring up all the atrocities people have done in the name of religion. Well I tell you, those people are not our brothers, not of our religion. You wanna argue that those people are? Check the standard. As Christians, the absolute standard is Christ. Someone doesn't behave more and more like Christ, that someone will never be a part of Christianity. It's like you're trying to shame good cops and the justice system for what dirty cops have done. Dirty cops are still legally cops, but not in value, are they?

[@rickcrna]

I wish this was shown at Sunday services everywhere. It would be epic!

[@ctaylor5682]

Yes!....it is needed and I wish I heard this years ago!

[@malcolmlakin5265]

And, what does it tell you.

[@WilliamBonney-gl2qf]

Their collective heads would explode

[@ChrisSears-pl3xi]

“If I can see something it kind of helps the credibility along”….this is a master class in comedy

[@spooley]

His daughter Kelly wrote an excellent book on the greatest comic philosopher. She is also a great podcast guest, her stories are top tier.

[@fourdoorglory]

Amen George. 😂 You where only wrong about one thing addressed by religion-you have everlasting life through these recordings. We’re grateful that they live on.

[@OldPainlessSR-71]

Tacitus describes the execution of Jesus by Pontius Pilate during the reign of Tiberius. Tacitus's account is considered authentic and historically valuable

[@fourdoorglory]

@ Just a bunch on stories. If religion comforts and gives you purpose and meaning, great. It does neither for me.

[@OldPainlessSR-71]

@@fourdoorglory jesus walked on water

[@johnsampson2544]

@@OldPainlessSR-71 ..., wrote an imperfect human being in a book.

[@whtalt92]

@@OldPainlessSR-71 In parts, not in others. Cross-referencing with other contemporary writing paints a different picture than the one you likely prefer.

[@TheodoreGarman-v7d]

I have been listening and watching good ole George for 35 years

[@pneuroot]

Together with the previous part about marketing and false advertising, this is the cream of the crop to me. Excellent storyline, excellent timing, excellent interaction. The man who invented reasonable thinking. Respect to you George! We need a world full of people thinking like you did.

[@SpiritGirlSF]

Invented is a wee bit over the top. You do realize that in mocking society in whatever category he is also mocking you and I. Plus he's telling us he's in the club of the sun worshippers so therefore doesn't consider the rest of us as part of it.

[@pneuroot]

@SpiritGirlSF Exactly! George mocks humanity, including you and me. If that is uncomfortable for you, you're taking yourself too seriously 😉

[@perfesser944]

Don't forget the part about babies' names. That trend of giving babies geographical names and even names of engine parts has to stop.

[@grabasandwich]

I think about this bit almost every day!

[@chadferguson9075]

Same

[@malcolmlakin5265]

Yes, but have you read the Bible or any other religious book?

[@chadferguson9075]

@malcolmlakin5265 Quiet thoroughly, in fact. I was raised christian, then reached the age of reason and understanding around nine or ten years old when I discovered I am Agnostic... I don't know, and you don't either.

[@kenterminateddq5311]

I became an atheist because of this bit. "You Are All Diseased" is my favorite stand-up special from George Carlin. Thank you, George, and Joe Bless You. 😅

[@bobbyblenio4571]

Same here…this & 50 of my Questioning of Gods False Existence

[@kenterminateddq5311]

@bobbyblenio4571 Joe Bless You. 😆

[@bobbyblenio4571]

@@kenterminateddq5311 Kamala Bless You

[@OfficialGeorgeCarlin]

🙏

[@kenterminateddq5311]

​@@OfficialGeorgeCarlin I forgot to say Joe Bless You to the Carlin Family. 😅

[@X.Draxius]

George Carlin casually saying out loud all the stuff I tried not to say as a kid being taught Christianity in a rural Bible Belt town

[@TInax-oo6mv]

You learned nothing. Faith requires intelligence.

[@franevanisko8806]

Faith stifles intelligence. ​@@TInax-oo6mv

[@X.Draxius]

@@TInax-oo6mv I learned a lot of things, actually. Crippling anxiety and a deep sense of undeserved self hatred to name a couple. Literally speaking though, faith requires you to ignore intelligence. The two are often in direct opposition to one another.

[@oldestgamer]

@@TInax-oo6mv Faith requires gullibility

[@BertB-qt9mx]

@@TInax-oo6mvFaith is believing an obvious lie.

[@tyroneharper5375]

My God, this individual is so missed. This is the definition of a Comedian... ✌🏾 to my Sun Worshippers

[@AJScraps]

*Joe* Bless George Carlin 😇🤣

[@dogcarman]

Preach, sibling!

[@jimbracknell5648]

and Joe Pesci

[@OfficialGeorgeCarlin]

🙏

[@tylercarey4905]

Science bless George Carlin 😊

[@GinaFerri-r6z]

Who is Joe?

[@tzlwin]

This has always been my all-time favorite.

[@shorerocks]

I have no idea how often I've seen this. Just wonderful. Cheers from Germany!

[@Axolotl_Mischief]

Had a friend in school that I got into comics. His psycho-christian Mother was furious with me, calling them a violation of the First Commandment. I told her 'the difference is I know Batman is a fictional charatcer, and I don't worship him like a God'.

[@charlesyoung9980]

He loves you and he needs money!!!

[@trevorlee7945]

that quote says it all

[@brianbrino4310]

Awesome George Carlin I have to laugh again and again with him! He is the best!

[@calbudd2838]

The wit of George Carlin is unmatched

[@ptgraphix]

Carlin was THE BEST!

[@georgettelevesque277]

This has to be the best review of religion I’ve ever heard👍👍👍👍

[@ChariCole-c2t]

I love Carlin and had the honor of seeing him in person.

[@Dan-013]

“Office temp with a bad attitude” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@reston81]

He nailed this so spot on

[@MisterNuM]

My all time favorite stand up bit

[@BramSLI1]

I quote this all the time when dealing with the religious who tell me I'm going to hell for not believing in their particular deity.

[@OldPainlessSR-71]

Tacitus describes the execution of Jesus by Pontius Pilate during the reign of Tiberius. Tacitus's account is considered authentic and historically valuable

[@BramSLI1]

@OldPainlessSR-71 Non sequitur as we know for a fact that such an event is impossible.

[@CharlesPayet]

@@OldPainlessSR-71I fully accept that Jesus was crucified and died. Then he just stayed dead, decomposed, and his atoms went on to hopefully do something more useful.

[@barrydobrin1135]

This was the best! I watched this when it aired. So glad I got see George at The Beacon in 2001.

[@unanimousanonymous3354]

Thank you for this. I was needing something to reaffirm my cynicism with reality and this did the trick! Praise be unto thee both Joe and the Sun!🙏🏻

[@OfficialGeorgeCarlin]

The Sun is always shining! 😄

[@ettajfan5882]

​@@OfficialGeorgeCarlin And doesn't judge. The Sun doesn't care about your "outfit".

[@russswanson3820]

I'm enjoying the comments from believers. I think George would too.

[@videozz2012]

Why does it always seem like those who don't believe in God are genuinely unhealthy looking people and often times seem mad at the world and genuinely depressed? I'm not a traditional religious person by any means, I don't believe what the Catholic Church peddles, I don't follow any organized religion... But I do believe that there is something out there that loves us, and no I don't have any scientific proof of it, I just feel it in my heart. I believe what we do in this life matters. I don't know what God is and I don't understand why God seems completely absent from our world. How could something that is powerful enough to create this world not ever come here to talk to the people that he/she created? How does God sit back and watch us destroy ourselves? Does God actually care about us? Can you imagine the impact it would have on our world if God appeared and spoke to us? Why wouldn't God speak to us if God loves us? Even with all of that said, I still believe that there is something out there, yes, I do believe in an afterlife. I think that if we believe that our lives matter and that our actions matter, instead of thinking that we are just a clump of cells with no real worth or purpose or afterlife, we will be happier and healthier. I know it doesn't make sense to believe in something that doesn't have any proof of its existence, it's like telling someone to believe in the Easter bunny... But I think it's better for our minds and for our souls to believe that there is something out there that cares about us, even though it never interacts with us. Maybe we really do have free will and God refuses to intervene in our lives. I don't believe that Jesus was really the son of god, I think that was a lie concocted by the Romans and the Catholic Church. Maybe Jesus did exist but he was undoubtedly not the son of God. Almost the entire Christian religion was stolen from the ancient Egyptians and other astrological religions and I refuse to believe anything the Catholic Church says or does. Who knows, maybe there isn't a God, there sure isn't any concrete evidence that God exists in our world. But I think there is truth in energy. If we live our lives in a positive way and believe that life matters and that actions matter and there is an afterlife, isn't that healthier than believing that all of this is just a coincidence? One thing that fascinates me is the impact sound can have on humans and the world around us. At the right frequency, sound can actually affect human DNA. Sound can also change the electromagnetic spectrum of water at certain frequencies. Sound is like energy, both can influence our physical and mental state.

[@georgianelson3588]

Oh wow…..do I miss George Carlin…………absolutely BRILLIANT

[@ukmedical4206]

I got my mum a ‘dancing with Jesus’ figurine for a laugh for Xmas….. I swear it’s the double of George on a good night out 😂😂😂

[@michaelkyriacou7026]

SIMPLY PHENOMENAL, LEGENDS, NEVER DIE!!!! 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

[@OfficialGeorgeCarlin]

Glad you liked it!

[@michaelkyriacou7026]

@@OfficialGeorgeCarlin I've only watched it a 1000 times... 🖤💯🖤💯🖤

[@arkdark5554]

You just have to love this fine man..❤❤❤

[@navdipattwal3188]

This is utter genius!

[@dudovich13]

95% of the world's conflicts can be placed at the feet of religion.

[@DuskPatrol]

Unparalleled. A perfect blend of insight, preparation, and delivery. He was a comedic genius. Listening back on these performances never gets old.

[@Michael-m2b3k]

Man George was a straight up classic !!! And he makes a lot of sense, but what if I'm wrong ???

[@OfficialGeorgeCarlin]

🔥 🥵

[@OldPainlessSR-71]

Tacitus describes the execution of Jesus by Pontius Pilate during the reign of Tiberius. Tacitus's account is considered authentic and historically valuable

[@HotRocks124]

If you are wrong, there are two hell-like places. There is "heaven" and if you get there, you will know that while you're playing tennis or whatever with Jesus a LOT of people are being viciously tortured for eternity in hell. If Christianity would be right and you're not a total psychopath, you wouldn't like it either way in afterlife. Furthermore, the idea of a creator/judge is a totally unnecessary assumption. The word "Reality" covers everything that exists right? So if you say that god exists, you're just saying that god is in Reality and thus saying that god is smaller than Reality. This reduces god to a mere bully in the playground. To put it shortly: Listen to George Carlin, win people over with kindness and reason and live your life to the fullest!

[@Me97202]

Throughout human history, religion has done much more damage for humanity than good.

[@annalieff-saxby568]

I don't think it's religion, I think it's _monotheism._ Nobody in the classical world went to war because people didn't worship Zeus: they simply syncretised. "Your gods sound like our gods: let's call them Zeus-Amon, Thoth-Hermes and so forth. Then we can all be happy". The minute you say there's only _one_ god, then religious war is inevitable. The ancient world had plenty of reasons to go to war but, Aphrodite be praised, religion wasn't one of them.

[@jessikapiche6097]

Religion is a poison. Sadly, a lot of people need that poison from a young age, or they would be monsters, and so they (their parents, their chief, their kings) needed a way to frighten them. Religion was the answer to keep them 'inline' and stop pursuing power so not to compete against the power in place... Simple.

[@godisbollocks]

'You Are All Diseased' might be his best HBO special.

[@BittersweetDuality]

My third favorite personally, after Back in Town and Life Is Worth Losing.

[@richardtaylor8595]

George is not just a standup comic; he is the best fileserver ever. You know what I mean.

[@BlooditeDrakan]

No kidding. What files can I download from his server?

[@jeffcarri70]

@@BlooditeDrakanI might need some of those files too!

[@johncayley7838]

This man and his philosophy are the closest things I have to a religion. I call it Carlinism.

[@jasonvahl9770]

In Pesci we trust, Amen

[@maxxbenzz7842]

The greatest ever.

[@MrSocko-bh1jb]

...but he loves you...

[@backlineguy]

miss you George...

[@PaperbackWizard]

Religion has always made perfect sense to me. Faith, hope, kindness, and "anything that's wrong with it is man's fault" all make sense. Even when I had my doubts about it growing up, I knew it was a "could go either way" situation, where it could be fraud or it could be God's mysterious ways. What ultimately convinced me it was wrong and that God, if he existed, was wrong was the whole "You're only supposed to love certain people in certain ways" thing. It's not just that the God of the Old Testament said homosexuality was a sin, but that he also, in the words of Lex Luthor, takes sides. God has his "special people", his "chosen ones" that he loves more than other people. And of course, there's the fix fic, the New Testament, where Jesus says "Now that I'm here, there's no more side-taking, now you're allowed to love everyone, even if they're a Gentile". But not once, in all his teachings, did he ever revoke the ban on homosexuality. The ban on race-mixing, sure, that was addressed multiple times. The Sermon on the Mount revoked a number of Old Testament teachings one by one, or at least updated them. He "clarified" a great deal of what God's prophets had been saying for centuries; but he never said "Oh, and stop calling gay people 'abominations'".

[@everittslivemusicsocialenv6733]

Totally relate to Georges humor.

[@SpiritGirlSF]

The Vatican is full of it.

[@angelwingz892]

Every single religion is full of it.

[@jimlaguardia8185]

I really miss this guy!

[@bhyphen8234]

George was a profound and succint man, with a fervent sense of whimsy.

[@thusspokekayvon]

This is in the top 5 comedy bits of all time, if not straight up number 1.

[@revwillyg6450]

Same

[@miguelarturocastro]

I salute you We miss you sir !!!

[@hansmoser989]

this guy is a masterpiece....so sad billions don´t realy understand him, or are so formated they couldn´t anymore. h.m.

[@steveclapper5424]

On the cover of the first Onion, I received had the picture of a little boy in a wheel chair. The headline said "God answers crippled boys' prayer" and the caption said "God says NO"

[@rowlinstoned3715]

It's unreal how many people still buy into religion. Sad actually

[@rickcrna]

What’s even worse is most of these people voted for a felon, rapist, fraud and con man for President.

[@williammaloney8434]

Love this guy,I've only came across him recently ❤️. We need more like him.

[@pudermcgavin4462]

Carlin is my absolutely fav person this is pure honesty

[@tomhanks527]

Amazing

[@johnkuncho7239]

We only have each other.

[@johnkuncho7239]

What would this life be if we realized there is no God? We only have each other. What raises you up does not diminish me. Life is not a competition. Cooperation and common cause lifts all mankind. Building an Eden on this planet is humanly possible. I don't believe in God. I believe in people. In 74 years I have seen the good, the bad and the indifferent. We can aspire to help each other. No God necessary. My life was saved 10 years ago by strangers. My wife's life today is being saved by strangers. Life is humanity 's only currency. We only have each other. Everything else is noise. In my opinion.

[@jerrykorman7770]

@@johnkuncho7239 you’re not wrong

[@SpectrumPOV]

I think George Carlin is the reason why nowadays more people are less religious and have stopped going to church.

[@chadferguson9075]

It's a good thing, and I'm glad.

[@OSXMan]

We love you George!

[@paulaporter778]

Once told a patient's family " if prayers worked I'd be out of a job" didn't get fired😅

[@harrydeanbrown6166]

I'm religious, but Carlin is hysterical. We can always use satire to make us think.

[@OfficialGeorgeCarlin]

Thank you!

[@jondstewart]

I’m sure a lot of born again Christians that have seen this clip just simply declare he’s unsaved and had no concept of knowing the Lord.

[@Me97202]

Christians always have some line of bullshit to justify their superstitious religious crap.

[@robheggart9624]

Religion will be the downfall of mankind. Being born and raised Canadian, tolerance and inclusion were the order of the day. I now see religion not only asking for money but asking for much, much more. I have a difficult time supporting a mindset that espouses my way or die. Seems worldwide at this point. Religion and hate seem to walk beside each other. After all, are terrorists not zealots in their chosen faiths? Whatever happened to live and let live? No harm caused, no harm done.

[@CapOlimar]

Religion has always been that way, in fact it was probably designed that way. Nothing has changed. Fear, to better control the flock.

[@tahirhubbard7633]

Serving God is not a religion but to save our souls for the after life and that's not a religion but a reality

[@CodeNascher_]

​@@tahirhubbard7633where's that "soul" supposed to be? never came across it in a biology book. almost like there's no such thing.

[@reston81]

How do you know this

[@billcarson1966]

"A woman would never f things up this bad" George never had a chance to meet Boebert or MTG.😂

[@SALSAKID49]

The Bright Star in our Universes that is Mr. George Carlin...

[@dublinjazz1]

A true genius.

[@Skynet_Scans_It]

I watched this on HBO when it came out in 1999, and it's just as great now as it was then.

[@OfficialGeorgeCarlin]

Thanks for tuning in again!

[@michellewall6748]

Love George…Wish he was still with us…RIP….❤

[@machatte3522]

Best of the best 👍💯

[@6Charles5]

Seriously love Carlin but this is his best realism! I say this all the time😂

[@A-small-amount-of-peas]

George and Monty Python raised me to be critical but when doing so, be funny

[@adabsiz2000]

I know that most comedians use comedy writers , but I don't know whether GC used one or he wrote the script himself ... if the second then he is a double genious !! RIP George .😂

[@stregahex]

God. Our 1st toxic relationship.

[@Greeblio]

I get my moral comfort from being a law-abiding citizen. I am also broke and unemployed.

[@patriciamusshorn2849]

Right on!!!

[@DianePeace420]

It's nice to have the freedom to be able to believe in whatever we want.

[@fussEpoet]

I think we laugh because we are denying the reality of buying into so many things which make no sense.

[@s13kuminachu]

Oh George how we need you in 2025

[@PaulusN-p3m]

Great story! Gods are an invention of man to explain things he didn't understand.

[@timothycahill7535]

He's Omnipotent omnipresent and eternal,...... Just can't handle money Holy shit !

[@SnowDeerling]

2:28 Maybe the real god is overseeing another universe and we are run by the office temp!

[@DavidTa2]

The opening to Zeitgeist

[@iloveyoumadhuri]

You know? The way that George Carlin described God is the same way that he could describe Donald Trump based on the myth and reality - all powerful, just can’t handle money!!! 💰

[@That.Lady.withtheYarn]

And full of carp to. lol such con man

[@charissayoung7959]

While I do not follow organized religion, I do believe in God. I still always loved George’s comedy. He was funny and insightful. Rip George

[@kevinschiller1749]

The thinking man's comedian

[@Dorky-Corky]

And my ultra-Catholic MAGA mother thinks my tiny rural high school started to "indoctrinate" me waaaay back in 2005. Little does she realize, she started it herself by letting me watch George Carlin specials and even taking me to one of his shows. This bit in particular has always stuck with me. Yup. Sure, ma. Was toooootally my tiny rural high school that made me start to question things.

[@MichaelLee-g8n]

The best

[@charleswillhite446]

The way things are going now a days. I think his head would explode.

[@supianzainuddin1482]

Incompetent and doesn’t give a shit🤣😜 good one

[@daviddunn773]

Yes what dose God need with Money !

[@seanmurphy3753]

He loves you and he needs money! 😂😂😂