Prolonged Grief, Mental Illness, and How Long Does Grief Last?

Psychiatry's most powerful body just added a new "disorder" it's diagnostic manual: prolonged grief. This diagnosis started a controversy among mental health professionals and those who have suffered loss. In this Widower Wednesday video I tackle whether prolonged grief should be a mental illness and answer the question: how long does it take someone to grieve?
Link to New York Times article: www.nytimes.com/2022/03/18/he...
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[@christineplaton3048]

I think there are complex reasons why grief after loss can be ongoing, or delayed....where some people are not able to get beyond their loss.

[@ENFPerspectives]

Agreed

[@christineplaton3048]

I agree it's not needing meds just find a way to assist people to get beyond a mental block...an avoidance or unwillingness to let life return to a healthy plane. There are, seriously, some people who never get beyond the pain.

[@MegaPontoon]

My late mother never ever got over losing my dad. My mum was widowed for 20 years before we lost her. She never even looked at another man

[@Obtlgw]

My mom was the same way!! She wouldn’t even clean out dad’s stuff in closet!! They were married 50 years. High school sweethearts. They were so inlove all their lives. My parents were blessed!!

[@keithkirkpatrick2321]

Thanks Abel. Your insights and experiences are very helpful to hear. I'm eighteen months from losing my wife. Some parts of the grief have healed, but some are still quite painful. Yes, 60/70 per cent after a year sounds about right. When I heard about that article I began to wonder if I suffered from prolonged grief. I'm seeing a therapist, and also just working at getting back into life. My friends and family tell me that I'm progressing and doing well, even though I sometimes feel stuck. It helps to hear that you can miss someone, still think about them, and not have the intense pain.

[@Obtlgw]

Keith. So sorry for Your loss. I’m a hospice nurse of 25 years and have been widowed twice. I’d like to think I’m a good voice of experience here. I’m Glad you’re getting help And wish you all The best. It gets better over time. Don’t beat yourself Up! Get outside, take a trip, share your feelings with those that have been through it ….

[@lanilok3696]

I think there can be a difference if you’ve been married for 30 to 50 years.

[@mammamia8882]

Hi Abel, It's a choice, after 15 years, it's a choice. Possibly mental issues, but after seeing other widowers go through the grieving process, including a family member, then going to their weddings, seeing them progress, and not having the one you love progress, it just makes it very difficult to even maintain a friendship with the widower. For instance I will call to check in, ask what he's doing and he says, "I'm scrubbing the floors. I stopped by to pick something up, didn't look like there was any floor cleaning going on, with stuff piled everywhere, the same like the previous month, and the previous month before that, and 6 months prior. I've taken myself out of the equation, but he still hasn't realized it yet. He's still helping that homeless drug addict person, even though he got him out of the house, he'll bring him back into his house, which I know is something the deceased wife would not approve of, and I don't approve of it, after helping the guy for years, the widower continues to support him, while his kids felt completely neglected by the widower, when they needed him most, he was always helping the homeless drug addict guy. That is time the widower can never get back, he wonders why the kids don't want to spend time with him, and wonders why I don't want to spend time with him.

[@johnkeith2450]

15 years, exactly how many years the widow I dated had been widowed. Still lived everyday for him.

[@joyus9039]

Prolonged grief DEFINITELY exists!!! And it would be nice as someone dating a widower if I MYSELF didn’t have to be the one to bring it up. So having psychological and social community support will help a lot! Since everyone glares at me like I’m a problem just because I exist. Some people who are grieving have MANY enablers similar to addicts so… maybe that’s the relation to anti addiction medications. There’s many similarities especially in the enablers who surround those experiencing prolonged grief.

[@Obtlgw]

My guy has been much much better. His family still a pain in the ass though. He says he has my back and has stood up to Their BS. We shall see if they come around. It’s been difficult for me but the 2 year anniversary is around the corner and I still don’t want to live in his old House!! He said eventually he’d consider getting something new with me or completely redo house. He can’t afford to do that without me and I don’t want to pour my retirement assets into someone else’s home. So This may be a deal Breaker. I love the guy and he’s a good man But not sure I am Willing to tolerate this. We shall see!

[@robintrapani5347]

Is there any way to read the article without subscribing. I tried to view it and it wants me to subscribe to the NYT.

[@DatingaWidower]

Try this link www.yahoo.com/news/long-grieve-psychiatry-come-answer-141026333.html

[@charlesa.7501]

Hello beautiful how are you doing?

[@Glokirk]

@@charlesa.7501no

[@MegaPontoon]

Hats not a problem . It was her choice

[@cherylsteidl8138]

I am engaged to a widower who lost his wife over 6 1/2 years ago. We have been engaged for over 2 1/2 years. He has two adult children, ages 25 and 19, that he can't seem to get independent so we can get married. He doesn't make them do chores, they don't drive, and he finds excuses for them. Can this be a sign of prolonged grief?

[@DatingaWidower]

If you're not #1 after 2.5 years, it's time to move on.

[@Obtlgw]

Yes..I’d walk away Cheryl. He will either step Up or step out. But I say after 2.5 years I’d have zero Tolerance for this. Love yourself Enough to say HELL NO! Don’t let anyone waste your life and time. I did and I regret it!! Bless you and thanks for being brave to Share

[@MegaPontoon]

Unfortunately I disagree. There is absolutely no time line for grief

[@MegaPontoon]

I would never take pictures down of my late wife. If i was dating seriously I'd put pictures also of my new lady but definitely not take down and box up photos of my late wife.

[@Obtlgw]

You have the right to do What you’d like but you’ll Have a difficult time with any new love that would Be willing to tolerate this !! Just fyi

[@MegaPontoon]

@@Obtlgw I disagree. If they can't accept how much my late wife meant to me then they can leave. I'm not taking all my pictures down. Why should I.

[@Obtlgw]

@@MegaPontoon hello and thanks for being brave and sharing. It’s not that they can’t accept how much your late wife meant to you. It’s that they want a new life with you and your whole Heart in it. If this new woman lives in and shares a home with you , then her need to Be comfortable And feel safe, secure and loved 100 percent by you …this should be most important to you!

[@MegaPontoon]

@@Obtlgw I know what your saying. Obviously I would have pictures of my new lady but I wouldn't take all the pictures down of my late wife. I have taken some down and infact she asked me why I did that and I didn't have to. I understand what your saying I suppose I'm lucky in the fact that she doesn't mind. I make her feel special so she knows how much I think of her. My late wife meant the whole world to me I was absolutely devastated when she passed away. I always said I never wanted anyone else. My new lady is infact my first wife whom I have four sons with. We got divorce 27years ago. She remarried and so did I. Neither of us had anymore children. Her marriage ended in divorce mine due to my wife passing away. My kids loved my late wife and treated her like a second mum. Equally my late wife adored my sons. My ex wife was so greatful for the relationship mine and her sons had with my late wife. We got back together and she has never told me or felt awkward having pictures up of my late wife as she knew how much she meant to me and my sons

[@hallaisvanessa5863]

Grief can last a life time.

[@DatingaWidower]

Only if you want it to last. Act or be acted upom.

[@Obtlgw]

It can. I’ve been widowed twice and it’s hell but what helps me is I am thankful for my beautiful times with them and sometimes when I pray I talk out loud to them and go on about my day. The key is to love your earthly loved ones now and cherish time. Don’t let anyone waste your time!! Life is precious. Live it in the now!!!

[@ENFPerspectives]

👎👎

[@alenemaag2471]

We don’t actually get OVER the loss. We get THROUGH it.