Red Flag #1: Giving Someone So Much Benefit of So Much Doubt

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[@LM-tq2ep]

Every single time I ever talk to mine about anything that is upsetting me about his disrespectful actions he flips it back around on me and says I should give him the benefit of doubt. Such an aha moment here. Thank you!!

[@lauramiller5678]

When we dated I had such a strong gut feeling telling me this man had issues & this relationship wasn't going to work, but I kept denying, ignoring, or excusing it... That he'll get better, that nobody's perfect, that he learned it from his parents & MAYBE he'll change. It's been 5 years of dealing with his fully-intentionally negative attitude, gaslighting, and neglect that I'm SO DONE. I signed & notarized the divorce papers on the 15th.

[@elevenbyfive]

OMG YESSSSS!!! This is probably the number one thing that allowed it to get to the level it did and to stay as invisible to me. That phrase 'this isn't clean' fits perfectly.

[@lejci38]

After all the experiences and knowing what I know about narcissism, borderline etc....I still doubt myself when I feel something isn't ok with a person...still thinking..:was it me?...was I too touchy? too crazy with CPTSD? ...did I missunderstand?..is it really that bad? Maybe a diary would help, I'm thinking of keeping some list of shit to remind myself.

[@dsj1725]

Spot on, Debbie! 💯 I realized this after I was discarded by the covert narcissist. I have learned so much and it all makes sense now. He love bombed me big time, so I was willing to excuse his behavior and..make all kinds of excuses for it, even though my intuition kept nudging me. He played the victim very well . I have realized I was programmed as a child to do this. Thank you for posting 🙏 I get so much confirmation from all I have read and watched-knowledge is power 👍 And thank you for presenting it in your caring and understanding way! 💛

[@debbiemirza1744]

You are so welcome Julie! Thank you for your kind words xx

[@pearlyq3560]

Spot on -- "This doesn't feel clean." !!! Brilliant, thank you. Give your son a big hug for me, he sounds like a sweetheart!

[@lifetimeactor6789]

Thank you! You nailed it. This is how it is on a regular basis. So true!

[@leanita7549]

Yep! I think, "this is 'icky'", as my red flag!

[@babybobbiejeansmom]

Heck I started laughing internally at the title of the video and then laughed out loud when you laughed at the beginning of the video! It's RIDICULOUS when I think about it now because he didn't deserve ANY of it!!!

[@thereallovetrance5262]

Yes, I did that! Constantly. Daily. Gave so much benefit of so much doubt 🤨

[@donnellallan]

Ooooo. I love that "this isn't clean" concept. This video pretty much sums me up. Yup. Thank you, Debbie. You remind me that there are kind people in the world. I see myself in you and I better recognize my value. I am so glad that I found your channel.

[@debbiemirza1744]

I'm so glad you found my channel too! Thank you for your kind words! xx

[@giorgioc8263]

Very insightful , great ! It’s crazy how each of us went thru exactly the same s**t. Also, it doesn’t happen too often to give benefit of the doubt , but stay assured it will happen a few times with suspect covert narcisit etc.

[@MsDakotared]

That explains why I always somehow felt dirty and disgusted about myself when with him. 'This isn't clean', is an understatement for me. NOTHING about him was 'Clean' NOR 'Innocent'. So much benefit of so much doubt and I might add so much love and forgiveness, is also an understatement for me....NO MORE. I am feeling more clean and innocent again with each passing day of No Contact. Feeling FREE again. I remember way back during courtship, the local pastor came by, and as we sat outside on the picnic table chatting the pastor turned to my Ex and said "This girl is WAY TO FREE, you need to marry her." I knew nothing about nothing, I was in love, happy and FREE spirited...then I married him..Bondage, Trapped like a cat in a cage. Never again. hahahaha I'm free :)

[@debhadden205]

Liking and subscribing. Yes, it does help. Very much.

[@karent3004]

Great video.....I totally relate.

[@Carrie...]

Omg.....

[@reema_f]

So true!!