Things Skyrim players say

[@spriggansiedeutsch6817]

“Fish, snake, bird. Fish, snake, bird.” Truth, man.

[@thenoobscorner4339]

Spriggan sie deutsch snake bird fish?f---!

[@wellingtonsmith4998]

bird, moth, fish? OW, DAMMITTT!!

[@sinister7290]

@@wellingtonsmith4998 i call it eagle, whale, angel

[@ra6765]

Bear moth owl. Cant get that one outta my mind lol

[@a.jandm.m1552]

Wasn't it snake, snake, fish? 🤔

[@caad3773]

“Wait...I know you!” *dragonborn running away*

[@blazerheata6479]

*get's locked in conversation* "Wait... I know you!" *tab*

[@faridkhan6037]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@bitty29]

I would say I've kill alduin and killed about all the legendary dragons and I'm apart of the dark brotherhood and apart of the thieves guild and my follower will be my meat shield while I shoot arrows at you

[@yowza234]

amulet of dibella 😏

[@flute136]

"Hmm your right, i guess i dont"

[@warlord3327]

Graenolf - "I'm more of a honningbrew man..." *Maven Black-Briar wants to know your location*

[@stevetom2506]

S H I T

[@akechijubeimitsuhide]

Is there a mod for SE that lets you kill her? I can't find one.

[@catrinohrn7327]

I love the the thieves guild :D

[@hopelessly.lavenderly]

@@akechijubeimitsuhide just make her non-essential w console commands

[@daintysload]

She just wants to talk...

[@SewerRattt]

Him: Fish, snake, bird... Me: I’ve always called the fish “whale...”

[@koscogonowa199]

I called it dolphin lol

[@chenelletaffe104]

I call it dolphin

[@kohaiame2691]

I call it a whale as well.

[@unbeatable617]

Confirmed by the book fjotli and something (hrorei?) it is a whale, I kinda just went between dolphin and whale depending on what I felt at the time

[@whynot-tomorrow_1945]

Bullcrap. That thing is a salamander.

[@junojuno3745]

"What do you mean I can't marry Serana" hits like a truck everytime

[@mq5731]

Modders: Allow us to introduce ourselves...

[@lucki880]

I mad I cant marry lizards or cats

[@Jojozilla426]

@@lucki880 you can

[@theblackcatvieweraccount5402]

@@lucki880 with mods...

[@stevefilms1997]

TheBlackCat viewerAccount you can marry some without mods

[@sirencloud8037]

"Who the hell is sending these letters?!?" I have asked that many a time

[@musicsaves71590]

Delphine

[@The_Attack_of_Geek]

Most likely hermias mora

[@Adays810]

A friend

[@frozty715]

*A Friend.*

[@breadstick8623]

“-A friend” 😂

[@bishop4390]

“I can never return to solitude” *killed 3 chickens and accidentally picked up a random ass bucket*

[@kyle18934]

And your follower managed to kill six guards before leading

[@DanTKD87]

I assassinated the Emperor, killed his decoy, and his cousin (not sure if shes his cousin...doesn't matter shes with Sithis). Now that I think about it, Ive been an absolute monster this playthrough.

[@abramdutton7130]

Literally just went through the dark brotherhood quest line, I have the ebony blade and when I left solitude there were like fifty guards and I slaughtered them all and took like no damage because I was regenerating it, I have the most insane bounty unless the quest line removes it for the main quest

[@ASSFUCKER6969]

Hahahahahahaha

[@Momtopreemie]

Truth

[@saschalevi6486]

"I've helped so many Daedra and other miscellaneous gods, the custody battle for my soul when I die is gonna be epic."

[@Surprice-yx5bf]

same lol

[@ASavageEye]

yeah who needs Alduin to end the world. We can just get the gods to do it in an all out war to claim the ultimate prize.....ME!

[@stoneweddings7103]

i wonder if they all get piece of your soul or what happens lol

[@ittiumimmortal9184]

@@ASavageEye but that will never happen cuz im a vampire and how are they going to KILL ME THE ULTIMATE DRAGON BORN BLESSED BY ALL DAEDRA

[@lionelpolo221]

Akatosh

[@ironwolf3319]

"You picked a bad time to get lost, friend!" "Y'all saw me kill that dragon, right? Ah whatever..."

[@floo1465]

*FUS RO DAH!*

[@dumbasgaming9477]

Fus Roh *dAh* !!

[@Shadowrider1032]

Lmao

[@ironwolf3319]

@@TheNightfulKazk I'll cum anywhere I want to.

[@AstroByteYuOrMom]

DRAGONBORN: Kills chicken Skryim: 1000 bounty added

[@brittanydunaj9109]

lmao yes. It's frustrating that happens. I had accidentally killed one an the whole town was after me.

[@permanentlyexhaustedpigeon7158]

Makes me think of legend of Zelda....except the chickens kill you then.....eh.

[@chungerbong296]

THEY'RE SPIES WORKING FOR A STINKY MAN WHO KIDNAPPED INIGO (amazing mod btw)

[@gabbya.6018]

DEADASS 🤧

[@AstroByteYuOrMom]

@@corvus5801 yep i had that happen once only problem was that i had no healing potions

[@zekiimary6935]

Also: Guards: "Hey, I know you.." Me: "..." *runs* Guards: "Oh well."

[@skullcandy5409]

Ikr! Except now I just go to jail so I don't always run into guards saying "wait I know you" cause sometimes they give me information ya know?

[@Remethew]

"I don't have time for this, do you?" Guard: "... Hmmm. Yeah your Bounty is pretty low anyway...."

[@rossolini3588]

Run away, Secret joestar technique

[@fritz411]

More like: “Ah shii- here we go again”

[@shatteredskulls]

I just kill the guards XD

[@Ali_just_ali]

"Why did the dragonborn go to High Hrothgar?" "He didn't. He was killed by the frost troll so he did some sidequests and got distracted"

[@Dragonborn-md5ci]

Bro I just threw fire balls at him

[@therealfirelord3359]

@@Dragonborn-md5ci If your level is too low that takes foreeeeever haha

[@vybtom1]

@Gavin Decker That's what I did in my first playthrough. On my current playthrough I defeated him with Lydia. Edit: On my fourth playthrough (doing it now) I defeated him by myself😎 I shot him a couple of times with a bow until he got close and them picked him apart with a sword. It helps to always try to get behind him and strike him in the back so you don't give him a chance to strike you.

[@Katxo1831]

Sick Lydia on him and run

[@InvoRL]

I just let lydia get her butt eaten while i shot firebolts from behind, eventually he died one other time i just stood on a rock and he couldnt hit me lmao and the last thing which i found which worked was to just kinda walk in a certain pattern when he tries to hit you and you can dodge his attacks, or just spam healing potions when u get hit

[@IsabellaKayful]

there was no point to the bards college facts only

[@keaganowen5940]

@@neph6098 the bards college not college of winterhold.

[@IsabellaKayful]

Neph that’s a different college, all you get at he bards college is that dumb flute quest lmao

[@ericsonofjohn9384]

Your profile pic must be fake, girls that fit don't play skyrim.

[@ichigokage]

Neph Mage quest was better. Bard’s college was just a buggy mess with no point.

[@IsabellaKayful]

Eric Jeffrey uh I’ll take that as a compliment I guess? But false, I know a lot of hot girls that play Skyrim

[@juneali6]

lmao. "You wouldn't mind overlooking this one, would you? I'm a thane." That killed me.

[@pikloo4631]

That phrase has saved me a lot of gold and jail time

[@hardwirecars]

That phrase is always saved for one man. we know who it is that always gets killed.

[@juneali6]

@@hardwirecars nazeem

[@DeathnoteBB]

juneali6 Thane: Look I _know_ murder is highly illegal but cmon... I’m a thane. Guards: Ahh okay. Nobody liked him anyway.

[@bigweiner4217]

Why can I only do this once!

[@julietrau488]

Me: “okay this time I won’t play as a thief, maybe a mage or something” Goes to Riften Brynjolf: “never done an honest days work in your life aye lass” Me: ah shit here we go again

[@deburrito6882]

Ugh too true

[@doesitreallymatter3239]

Its the accent gets me every time

[@Anonimo-dd8hf]

I wish there was a way too play without having the thieves guilt quest poping up

[@TuberoseKisser]

Same with the DB.

[@Anonimo-dd8hf]

@@TuberoseKisser no for the dark brotherhood u can just kill Astrid when she kidnaps you

[@HunhowsShadowStalker]

"Rumor has it Maven Blackbriar has ties to the Dark Brotherhood." "I *_am_* the Dark Brotherhood!"

[@gabrielguerrero7296]

Not. yet.

[@HunhowsShadowStalker]

@@gabrielguerrero7296 **Unsheaths Blade of Woe** It's treason, then.

[@ReaverOfAlbion]

I can't express how much I love Star Wars

[@alexeysaranchev6118]

Well, technically, a brotherHOOD implies several members, so you can call yourself a Dark Brother. A 'Brotha', if you will.

[@colorwarrior343]

@@HunhowsShadowStalker ahh fellow man of culture aswell. Next level skyrim+star wars

[@Lunaryse]

"You wouldn't mind overlooking this one would you...? *I'm a Thane."*

[@Senya19]

Doesn't work at the police tho...

[@Lunaryse]

@@Senya19, I tried. I was disappointed in the results, sadly. ://

[@Senya19]

@@Lunaryse ahaha just imagining their faces x)

[@courier6640]

I'm a Thane, so forget these 137 people I just shouted to Mars.

[@machinegunkeyboard5988]

worked when i killed heimskr

[@kazitox]

"who am I kidding I'm gonna play as a thief" me with literally every game

[@fatalpanda6858]

I can relate

[@porcelainpup]

Same but with a mage gdi

[@iiH0pe94]

Me: "How much is my bounty?" *checks bounty* Me: "how dissapointing, i can do so much better..."

[@anthonylong9067]

Hope Hustoft basically my reaction when I accidentally stole something from Elrindr.

[@jaydentt]

KILL THEM ALL Or, ya know. Steal thingies.

[@charlieranger0478]

“If you even consider killing Parthurnaax, you’re dead to me.” This man is to be trusted. I will have this man’s back in the civil war, fight against Alduin, or clash against Miraak. Bottom line: Trust. This. Man.

[@rykerz105]

Game play wise: parthurnaax should be alive. Lore wise: parthunaax should be killed.

[@joeriandries]

@@rykerz105 keep him alive if you want all the shouts like some sort of shout collector... otherwise he has no gameplay advantages, and having a bunch of followers that don't count towards your follower count to go hunt dragons with does (using the blades you recruited for dragon hunting)

[@Syneios]

The Paarthurnax Dilemma mod, Because why not both?

[@MidniteSpectre]

I've been thinking. Is it possible to use console command "ressurect" on him? It was back in my naive youth, please do not judge me.... T^T

[@Red-dg3fe]

@@Syneios AKA, fuck the switch users

[@infernaltourist9601]

-Lydia stay here I want to kill them in stealth. -Ok I'll stay here... *SKYRIM BELONG TO NORDS!*

[@recklessabandon5678]

Dammit this is why I don't use followers

[@faridkhan6037]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@p.istvan8744]

@@recklessabandon5678 try Inigo (follower mod) his stealth is at level 80 or so and he doesnt attack if you want to stealth only if you are discovered

[@recklessabandon5678]

@@p.istvan8744 I don't have access to mods

[@michaelschweigart3517]

Reminds me of Cait from Fallout 4

[@haleyhanson2316]

*frantically trying to keep up with Delphine as you stop to pick every alchemy ingredient along the path*

[@imaginary2304]

same

[@beenice1555]

Facts

[@joshstover1715]

welp... id be lieing if i said grabbing ingrediants during crucial moments wasn't the reason for 90 percent of my deaths lol

[@eelboy3098]

You have been Decided to be the most popular

[@ant._.221]

You have been blessed by KZbin -removed all blessings -removed all curses -300 likes added

[@seandavis8831]

"what do you mean I can't marry serana" FACTS MAN

[@Thecandyquinn]

Sean Davis FUCKING LITERALLY!!!!! 😂😂😂 I remember just looking at her up and down after one of her sly comments and I was like “I LOVE YOU!” I was gonna kill my husband and everything

[@DannyMantonoli]

Lol, I got a mod to marry Serana. She actually has voice lines in the code to get married so somebody just put it in the game.

[@agss7499]

Well I married Aela the huntress instead. She's cooler and stronger.

[@Shadowrider1032]

I went into depression coz I couldn't ;-;

[@agss7499]

@Shadow Moon what?? You have a harem or something lol...

[@pleasehelp3319]

“No, Lydia!” And “Where’s Lydia” are THE most relatable things ever.

[@AdamSmith-jb2lf]

First play through: "I just like the colour blue." After watching five hours of lore and theory videos: "no, don't you see, ULFRIC, is a Thalmor PUPPET-"

[@spartanwar1185]

man i just wish the damn elves kept their noses out of imperial and nord business, i appreciate both factions but the elves ruined both for me now

[@jaxusr235]

Spartan War118 Why both?

[@HunhowsShadowStalker]

@@spartanwar1185 These elves are all the same. All flash and no fury!

[@anonymoust6611]

There is even proof ulfric is being used as an asset to the elves look in his thalmor dossier

[@stuckonaslide]

my logic was that the imperials tried to kill me and ralof saved me so bing bam boom it's blue boye hours

[@Riastrad-hq6ds]

“Wow, I completely misjudged that jump” -Every Skyrim player

[@alexhawley9465]

Yes

[@rayw.6677]

Riastrad5409 *longer than expected fall* HOOF!!

[@Senya19]

na got a "no fall dmg" mod because my character seemed to die from jumping

[@emilnad5078]

@@Senya19 smh u gotta learn to mountain climb, just hug the wall

[@Senya19]

@@emilnad5078 got no time for dat, have to find followers and marry and adopt some kids and get cute armor and and [...] and! :D

[@KeanuOR]

Don’t forget: “ I can’t use this potion now, what if I need to use it later!?!”

[@HugeCoffeeAddict]

As an alchemist: "No no, I can't use my best poison on this. I'll use the frostbite venom instead, save that good shit for later"

[@psychosomaticstatic]

**Literally about to die** My healing potions: Me: Me: Nah I'm just gonna eat my 30 wheels of cheese

[@Mort_the_door_knocker]

**becomes overencumberd from thousands of useless potions**

[@Stitchpuppy01]

FACTS

[@250-daffazhafrank3]

Harley Firkins *overencumberd and have potion of strength enough to walk* Me : nah I’ll walk instead.

[@pickles3471]

Me: accidently steals bucket instead of talking to the npc Every gaurd in whitrun: _So youve chosen death_

[@michaelmorton5698]

Did that yesterday; tried to talk to Ysolda and grabbed the tankard in front of her by mistake.

[@evthespineconfiscator8652]

Your profile pic is my face when that happens

[@Chicken-Rice]

If you calm spell a guard you can just tell they you're the thane and they forget the fact you are wanted in every city of skyrim

[@glitchherobrine3773]

@@Chicken-Rice bruh I laughed so loud I woke up my dog

[@totallyrandomuser5760]

Idk what's more annoying - accidentally stealing when trying to interact with NPCs or going inside a building to progress/complete a quest by talking to a NPC and being told to leave by others

[@minecraftuser_SVT]

"I can't go back to solitude, not after what I did" Oh god too real

[@deburrito6882]

Legit the main reason I save the civil war storyline for last

[@impossibleeatable501]

Daro I killed like half the town

[@minecraftuser_SVT]

@@impossibleeatable501 you're a monster :O

[@impossibleeatable501]

Daro it was after the quest that you had to kill the Emperor’s cousin or something

[@minecraftuser_SVT]

@@impossibleeatable501 I was always a coward and tried to kill as little as possible lol

[@grimmitto]

“Who am I kidding I’m gonna play as a thief,” Fr tho, every single time I play Skyrim I play as a thief

[@jacobhaley889]

I mean it's the easiest way to play the game, but my absolute favorite is Spellsword. Rough on Legendary during early levels but it gets so good late game and is incredibly fun.

[@snipez-kr6ul]

Yep go in with a plan to be a warrior then bippity bop I'm a thief in a shop

[@naff9n435]

@fizzydinosaur yeah it's either my speech is low or nobody have money to buy all my stuff

[@bmariec88]

@fizzydinosaur I horde human bones. They always get picked up unintentionally so I started collecting them on purpose and drop then randomly throughout Whiterun. Makes it a challenge to walk around without getting damaged later in the game. Its also entertaining to watch people kick shit around as they walk.

[@michaelfryers1914]

I don't even mean to, I just get roped up into things lmao

[@finnsnow2495]

"How much is my bounty?" "I'm with the Thieves Guild so here is 500 less than what I owe" *Guard turns around* *Pickpocket the money back*

[@localgenshinplayer6065]

I do not know how many times I've done that XD

[@anonymoust6611]

Im not the type of guy who goes w the theives guild i'd rather go to the circle

[@ramblingentertained]

Wait, you can pickpocket the money back? Fuck!

[@overseer5701]

Thats a smart move

[@Ali_just_ali]

A couple times I've had a really small bounty (like 3 coins for stealing an apple) and it always makes me laugh when the options are "Okay fine. Here's my gold (2 gold)" or "I'm with the Thieves Guild can you look the other way? (495 gold)"

[@kerenk]

"I'll buy a horse, what's the worst that can happen?" *ELDER DRAGON WOULD LIKE TO KNOW YOUR LOCATION*

[@soupeverywhere9565]

@Alduin the Lord of Dragons me at the start of the game thinking I can kill a giant.

[@lightningmcgeequeen8091]

@@soupeverywhere9565 gets launched to space immediately 😂

[@rmn9458]

Lmao I just did this on my first run through, ran at a giant on my horse and got sent into the stratosphere 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@pumaperfectgaming9654]

Is... Is that why dragons attack me every time I'm on Bluberry von purr?

[@greattitan371]

And that's why I have arvak

[@yoursaviorishere4365]

“Wait... where’s Lydia? I haven’t seen her in days...” Accurate

[@stuckonaslide]

meanwhile she is living her best life in breezehome

[@maomaomi5434]

I feel like I'm the only person on earth who never took lydia or any of my other housecarls as a companion.

[@Drewsky840]

That's why I just leave her at my house to watch the kids

[@MidniteSpectre]

@@maomaomi5434 i am here to tell you, you are not alone budy. Halfway through the first dungeon crawl, I just sent her home. You'd think they will help but they can be such a burden you're better off raising alchemy and chugging fortify carry weight potions.

[@Red-dg3fe]

I once left her in the Riften market center for a while when I started up the Thieve's guild questline, got distracted by something and left her there for.......I want to say three or four in-game days. My poor Housecarl just stood in front of the fountain for three days, probably giving the stinkeye to anyone who approached her since she had some dragon bones and scales in her inventory.

[@spiderlover678]

“Why did the Dragonborn go to High Hrothgar? To see what all the ‘fus’ was about.” *oyfum*

[@ZzCanonBull]

You think giggles when he "Ro Dah" joke?

[@itshadesyo]

I actually laughed really hard at that one lmao

[@dracofirex]

Player character: You will address me by my proper title! NPC: Hail, Legate Thieves Guildmaster Arch-Mage Harbinger Dragonborn Listener vampire lord thane of the Bards College!

[@callmenorman631]

Killer of alduin savior of parthenaax

[@sachabengio3881]

Breaker of chains mother of dragons

[@perfectch4059]

Of house Telvanni

[@dracofirex]

@@perfectch4059 Yes! That's me lol

[@Volanity]

You forgot companion leader

[@Skyrimfruitsnacks]

“Just one more cheesewheel...” *Takes 17*

[@rokukou]

_you are carrying too much to be able to run_

[@asterdotash]

"I'm trying to engage in dialogue- no I didn't mean to take your cup!" If this isn't relatable you haven't played enough skyrim.

[@AnimeFiend176]

"Why would I even want your stupid tankard? I've got literally 800 of them in a cupboard in Breezehome! No, I don't throw a lot of parties, I'm just kind of a hoarder."

[@jessicadickey1374]

No, I didn't mean to stab your daughter, I swear. I just wanted a hug!

[@cosmiceunoia799]

Honestly I dont even know how many times this has happened to me lmao. Basically everything he said was like top notch true

[@Icantfindthefork]

You never should of come here

[@chloegraves7088]

I accidentally took a broom lol

[@ricebowls2118]

I returned to breezehome after like a year and found Lydia had been living alone there the whole time

[@localgenshinplayer6065]

Me: **buys house** Housecarl: **there** Me: WHO ARE YOU?! Me: **activates dialog** ohhh...so thats YOUR bed

[@setofaro]

How much money

[@knightmare3706]

Well......not ENTIRELY alone. I once went to Breezhome and found Lydia with a horse. Haven't returned to Breezhome since then.

[@knightmare3706]

Well......not ENTIRELY alone. I once went to Breezhome and found Lydia with a horse. Haven't returned to Breezhome since then.

[@stuckonaslide]

"where did the thane go?"

[@afinoxi]

Me : **handshakes a guy** Guy : ... Yeah , I've killed Paarthurnax. Me : **separates hand** Me : **washes hand with soap**

[@harrygreenwood7165]

I remember the first time I killed Paarthurnax... twas a good kill, the other times were more... creative

[@cooperdavis8296]

*Douses hand in the brazier of Ysgramor*

[@wertot2752]

**washes hands with sandpaper**

[@afinoxi]

@@wertot2752 **starts to file the hand**

[@sheogoraththetrickster8700]

@@afinoxi sends it away to Elsweyr, bury it, have it mesh into ground then burn it to the ground.

[@thatonekideveryonehates9933]

"I hate Cicero! He's so weird and creepy..." "I love Cicero! He's so weird and creepy..." ME

[@jay_.voorhees77]

That's so true

[@afinoxi]

Graenolf : What do you mean I can't marry Serana ? Everybody : **whispers** _Marriable Serana man..._

[@Vodka_Madafaka]

I just realized i just killed the dragon who saved me from helgen... wow.....

[@skullcandy5409]

Yeah I haven't killed alduin yet and I never wanted to after all he never attacked me

[@courier6640]

Iris Corona: Sadly, not killing you was a mistake, the dude just wanted to kill s***,like a regular gamer XP farming.

[@bmariec88]

Pretty sure he wasn't intending to save you lol.

[@edibleramen]

DEEPER LORE: Lokir, the thief caught with the stormcloaks and you, prayed to multiple gods while riding into the Helgen, one being Akatosh. Alduin is Akatosh's son. Had Lokir not run, he could've escaped and lived.

[@skullcandy5409]

@@edibleramen yeah sucks for him

[@loweffortproductions1985]

"No Meridia, find someone else to carry your beacon."

[@heededshadow509]

After the first playthrough of the quest, I never picked the thing up again. I'd find it in chests all the time, but I 'd take everything BUT the beacon.

[@MidniteSpectre]

Why does everybody hate it? I loved using dawnbreaker early in the game, and even tried to fus ro dah the beacon away from the pedestal to pick it up and do the quest again so I can have two dawnbreaker swords...

[@squiddles6359]

I don’t think they hate the quest or the reward, they (including me) don’t like their ears bleeding whe- A NEW HAND TOUCHES THE BEACON

[@alduin1360]

*A nEW hAnD tOUcHeS tHe beAcOn*

[@AstroNotMetta]

(whispers) a new hand touches the bacon

[@andersonn330]

1:11 “can you seriously not see me?” that threw me😭

[@JakeLondonRivers]

Hahaha yessss bro “fish snake bird” “Can you seriously not see me”

[@sunnydays2342]

I thought it was a whale...

[@thomaslovell2495]

"who am I kidding im gonna play as a thief" I feel attacked

[@V4Short]

*"No- no LYDIA!"* *"Where's Lydia?"* *"I can't go back to Solitude. Not after what I did."* *I have never related to something more*

[@DrDolan2000]

What happened in Solitude?

[@kysangelo8124]

@@DrDolan2000 killing that girl at her wedding and killing the fake high king

[@nothingtoseehere2394]

@@kysangelo8124 "Yeah, this was a neat quest line." * realized you killed several VERY innocent people and literally made a torture chamber * ….. "Yeah, I'm not good with this" * Goes back in time and kills the Dark Brotherhood instead *

[@danishirfan113]

I feel this for markath. My first play through I killed everyone with the forsworn cause I thought it was part of the quest. The horror

[@nothingtoseehere2394]

@@danishirfan113 I will say the only upside when doing the dark brotherhood quest line is if you talk to Maven Blackbriar, she says something to the effect of: “and if you really annoy me, I’ll call the dark brotherhood on you.” I’m thinking: “You old boot! I’m the listener! I am the dark brotherhood!”

[@Mlaka05]

Me: holding Restoration spells Everyone: Watch with the flames Me: 😑

[@unusualtune8328]

ANOTHER HAND TOUCHES THE BEACON!

[@cassm.5111]

there's a good sex joke

[@leevisaajanto7080]

LISTEN HERE MORTAL,

[@proximityclockworkx1572]

HEAR ME AND OBEY!

[@proximityclockworkx1572]

A FOUL DARKNESS HAD SIPPED INTO MY TEMPLE.

[@proximityclockworkx1572]

A DARKNESS THAT YOU WILL dEsTrOy

[@aaro8803]

Omg I actually stopped to read these books they have so much lore in them Me: *only reads lusty argonian maid*

[@mirsey93]

😂😂😂 it's actually an interesting play! I wish there were theatres in Skyrim where they performed the plays!

[@couldbeusabaker7532]

i was screen-sharing skyrim to my friends in discord and i found an edition of lusty argonian maid and me and my friends were dying

[@TheActualVilder]

*laughs in Sultry Argonian Bard*

[@toku_moriya]

Or the book where it mentions how Barenziah got laid by a Khajiit?

[@masoodgh1131]

Bradon Ortiz and her great times with mister talos

[@enigma3054]

Graenwolf: How much is my bounty? Bounty: 2 gold Graenwolf: ... *Whirlwind Sprint*

[@H.u.m.a.n.]

"Kajiit has wares, if you have coin." "May the roads lead you to warm sands." "Welcome. Take a look." *i have most of the Kajiit lines stuck in my head bc i keep going back to the trading caravan outside Whiterun*

[@lightningmcgeequeen8091]

I haven't seen them at all on my main game but I love them 😌 These sands are cold, but Khajiit feels warmth from your presence I love their accents too

[@DCTR-qv6jd]

Mai'iq the liar My favorite khajit

[@H.u.m.a.n.]

@@DCTR-qv6jd *-mine is probably Inigo but then again he's a mod that comes with a short little side quest story-*

[@alduin1360]

@@DCTR-qv6jd mine is kahrjo!

[@DCTR-qv6jd]

@@alduin1360 I respect that u have a favorite kitty but go attack helgen before I'm obligated to absolutely demolish you. If I had my way you would be my guardian and help me deliver leaches and other medical equipment to kil- cure people but greybeards wouldn't like that [|87

[@ryusof6]

1:29 "What Do You Mean I Can't MARRY SERANA???" 1:42 "Yeah Googled it, I can't MARRY SERANA...." - That's hit in my heart.

[@dylanforsyth5961]

ryusof6 download the marry Serena mod ;)

[@sharkyjeff1055]

A tragedy for heterosexual males and homosexual females everywhere.

[@ryusof6]

@@dylanforsyth5961 I know. In official? Can't marry her. That's hurt.

[@RealShojin]

@Shadow Moon You have no issues in Skyrim screw your bisexual nature

[@treanaharris2724]

@@sharkyjeff1055 I mean let's be honest you'd marry that girl regardless of orientation, I kept her as my follower for the rest of my playthrough 😚

[@MuffinYoBusiness]

Me and my friends: *Says the entire intro dialogue because it's so ingrained in our head*

[@talongreenlee7704]

Kristian Rubio I can do this with Morrowind, but not Skyrim. I skip it in Skyrim

[@spartanwar1185]

"You'll never take me alive!" "Archers!..." "...Anyone else feel like running?"

[@kaoteni4122]

I keep the Prisoner autosave, right before you make your character, just so I can skip the long ass intro lol

[@Ali_just_ali]

Hey you. Finally awake. You were trying to cross the border, right? Walked right into that Imperial ambush, same as us, and that thief over there.

[@masterblaster2678]

​@Alduin the Lord of Dragons Nuh-uh, you made multiple mistakes. You skipped the part where Lokir says "If they hadn't been looking for you, I could've stolen that horse and been halfway to Hammerfell. Hey you, you and me, we shouldn't be here. It's these Stormcloaks the Empire wants." And Ralof responds "Face your death with some courage, thief." This happens between "Empire was nice and lazy", and "what's wrong with him, huh?". Also, after "Oh gods, where are they taking us?" Ralof says "I don't know where we're going, but Sovngarde awaits." and Lokir responds "No, this can't be happening, this isn't happening!" the guardsman says "Shut up back there!" after Ralof says "Face your death with some courage, thief." so you put that in way too late. Also Ralof's comment on Thalmor goes like this: "And it looks like the Thalmor are with him. Damn Elves. I bet they had something to do with this." I shit you not, I typed this all from memory. I even memorized the way they say the sentences, like when Ralof says "A Nord's last thoughts should be of home", he pauses after "thoughts".

[@gamelikers]

"I dont follow all the politics. I just like the colour blue..." WHY IS THIS LITERALLY ME WTF

[@beigestallion2929]

Abi Animates HOLY SHIT WTF 7 BILLION PEOPLE ON EARTH AND I THOUGHT NOBODY WOULD EVER SAY THAT EXCEPT ME WTFFFFF

[@wenigmehl]

Stormcloak traitors! FOR THE EMPIRE!

[@cheydr9727]

@@beigestallion2929Yeah, because 7 billion people play skyrim.

[@beigestallion2929]

@@cheydr9727 hyperbole, a writing tool

[@cheydr9727]

@@beigestallion2929 I know, but it's not as common to run into someone who has thought the same thing about the blue, as you make it out to be.

[@herbanox]

Lmao!! *closeup of cat* “Khajit has wares if you have the coin”

[@deezylightbeam]

"Where's Lydia? Haven't seen her in days" **remembers that you made her stay in a cave you can't remember the name of** 😂😂😂

[@blindtreeman8052]

*lydia's body shows up tp ruin your wedding*

[@plexusnexus5746]

@@blindtreeman8052 *Proceeds to get kicked out of your own wedding*

[@astrodreamer946]

I remember in one play through I some how bugged Lydia's carry weight limit by placing 50 or so stolen alto wines in her inventory. Couldn't remove the wine, but she had unlimited carry weight for some reason. You know I exploited that for the rest of the play through. Lol

[@amarabee375]

**remembers that she carries all your dragon bones and scales**

[@renny489]

Or when you activate a trap and dont realize you just murdered her

[@MudMoose_Official]

“ I love Dwemer Ruins! “ *after discovering a Falmer chest at level 3* “ I hate Dwemer Ruins! “

[@stuckonaslide]

me leaving helgen at lvl 19 bc im an exploting bitch baby: "god dammit i hate spiders" "bandit marauder? already?" "oh god a bear"

[@AClockworkCitrus]

Ok, but killing paarthurnax is a *cardinal S I N*

[@bari6708]

Ive fully powered the ebony blade before but killing my boi was too much

[@Santeneal]

I don't bother with them unless it is the main quest

[@ineffabletryx6528]

e d e n But the blades! I do agree that it is, I just wish the blades weren’t so STUPID to make me kill paarthurnax.

[@dandythebootyslave7239]

e d e n Wow a Skyrim fan and a ghibli fan, props to you👌

[@shadeddreamer6864]

Paarthurnax is just an old man that lives on a rock. Who would want to kill some random ass old guy on a rock? The Blades, apparently. Bethesda wasted time fleshing out anything in the Blades quests past that point, they should of used it to finish the College of Winterhold or make the Bard's College at least playable.

[@blake4249]

"I can't go back to Markarth. Not after that fucked up quest."

[@amirg7225]

never got into cidna mine, kept killing all of the guards

[@clubbyvasighn4615]

@@amirg7225 never got our of cidna mine. The quest glitched and the door back into Markarth requires a key, which they neglected to give to me. So I helped everyone one else escape, and they left me. I tried that quest so many times trying to get it to work.

[@db5094]

@@clubbyvasighn4615 dude you can literally press one letter to open console commands, click on the door and type "open"

[@sheilabarnett6299]

Dude what about molag bal

[@yoshiking6027]

@@db5094 how does he activate console commands if he’s on an Xbox?

[@CJ_Carpenter]

Me: *opens chest* Chest: *contains meridias beacon* Me: “God dammit.”

[@spaceonisorceress4406]

A NEW HAND TOUCHES THE BEACON

[@crimsonlancer475]

*A NEW HAND TOUCHES MY FUCKING BEACON*

[@DominatorElite4]

At least you get the dawnbreaker

[@CJ_Carpenter]

Kenneth Britt or two

[@johnford8157]

Zachary Damascus I love getting that beacon! It’s the easiest way to cheese lvl 100 alteration.

[@dalton8921]

"What do you mean I can't marry Serana?" 😂😂😂😂 Literally me 👏👏

[@cyberfunk6739]

Same

[@stavik96]

I had to settle for Lydia, I then adopted 2 daughters and mods ruined my house to the point where trying to enter my house crashed my game, rip all my valuables and unique items. :(

[@Mmmmjhhj]

I WAS LITERALLY RIGHT ABOUT TO COMMENT THAT, you beat me to it gg

[@arabiannights5301]

Amorous adventures ;)

[@JargonMadjin]

Something about being raped to death in a temple by Molag Bal, it does things to your head

[@Shay-vw6qq]

you forgot the sheer panic of when you get disarmed and then your sword falls somewhere and sometimes glitches out of reality..

[@christophereichor5615]

And it was a daedric sword you had used a black soul gem, 2 enchantments and legendary blacksmithing on......RIP Blade of Vampiric Sin. (Drain health + Lightning Damage.)

[@crimsonlancer475]

God that pain, I feel for you dude

[@esejsnake1503]

@@christophereichor5615 RIP forgotten savefiled 😁 But I get the pain, dude.

[@7Metal7Monkey7]

Not just out of reality but also through it. Remember seeing stuff glitch through walls and junk lol

[@acapybara3032]

Ikr

[@echoedstars807]

Did anyone else so this in at least one play through in Skyrim: **joins the Companions to be able to become a werewolf** **uses werewolf powers in the Dark Brotherhood**

[@PrivateJett666]

I personally become a vampire then join the dark brotherhood lol

[@victorbowman4247]

When you said that thing about killing alduin I came to such a relization

[@JargonMadjin]

He didn't do it on purpose, The Last Dragonborn just got lucky

[@moralityisnotsubjective5]

@@JargonMadjin Yeah, he was trying to murder you himself.

[@winterstar5750]

Yeah, I'm certain he realised his mistake by the time he caved the wall in on you, ambushed you when running with Hadvar and then again on the wall

[@Kami-Sama197]

@@winterstar5750 yea he purposely aims his yol toor shool shout at the dragonborn rather than the guards and others and he's always aiming at the db in the helgen msihap.

[@cadearoo1782]

*"I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took an arrow in the knee..."* *"Let me guess......someone stole your sweetroll?"* *"My cousins out fighting dragons, and what do I get?* *Guard duty..!"* *"Psst... I know who you are... hail Sithis!!!"* *"Sweet Mother, Sweet Mother, send your child onto me... for the sins of the unworthy must be babtized in blood and fear..."* Some of the quotes I love, And it's all I can remember for now because of memory.

[@respiratoryfailure3780]

Player: *kills two legendary dragons with a knife* Single Bandit: never should've come here

[@mikeoxmaul45]

There are only 2 things that Cicero needs: -a sword -staff of fireballs Absolute chaos.

[@sheilabarnett6299]

Every wizard paladin in d n d

[@BossCrazyRoss]

"Grey-Mane, or Battleborn?" Me: "Yes."

[@prithvirajchowdhury4351]

me: go fuck yourself

[@spartanwar1185]

YOU CANNOT LABEL ME! *_flies away on bucket_*

[@lukehaddad5185]

Battleborn

[@Snot69420]

@@lukehaddad5185 i did it too then worked with the gray mane to find their missing son illusion 100

[@hashi6068]

Grey-mane 4 life

[@Eramthgintrof]

I like the one "If i had a sister, id sell her in a second"

[@Nosferwaifu]

That Hrothgar Fus joke actually made me let out a laugh and I quickly caught myself and was ashamed.

[@laurentreloar8891]

Lydia: *dies* Me: I have never felt such grief in my life, never have I felt such loneliness in this big, mysterious and beautiful world. What am I to do without my house carl? My companion? My friend.....life will never be the same... *1 year later in real life* Me:*returning to my house in White Run* Lydia: Greetings my Thane Me: I have never felt such joy in my life, never have I felt such companionship in this big, mysterious and beautiful world. What am we to do my house carl? Slay some dragons? Anger some farmers?Life has never been better.

[@ladyselin35]

Downloading fertility mod so youd have nord babies with her? Sure

[@cesq930]

House Carls 🤣

[@gamer1X12]

"Ooh! The fifteenth iron longsword this mission alone! I might need it for later." "..." "..." _"I am sworn to carry your burdens."_

[@alyssalamb5273]

H.B I totally read that in Lydia’s voice

[@insaincaldo]

I mean I hoard, but iron equipment isn't even worth my time if I have nothing.

[@cicerokills1385]

You forgot her long sigh just before she speaks 😂😂😂😂

[@breadstick8623]

Poor Lydia... 😂

[@joyce_rx]

"So how much is my bounty?" (doesn't see "pay bounty" choice) (also has >50000 septims) "..."

[@isaacibbotson4632]

I stole every single one of those 50,000 septims, as well as this really nice set of armor, which means I'm walking out of here broke and naked

[@snakm]

i connect very much with your username and profile pic

[@leonardpanergo7066]

*Only in Ireland you see people stealing an atm with an excavator...*

[@dracula66vlad]

50,000? Try having 5 million gold, having a bounty of 5 gold and not paying it because you are too cheap. Skyrim has really proven to me just how cheap I am.

[@dracula66vlad]

Cheap/Greedy

[@absolutelyvenomous]

I've played Skyrim for 5 years, and I can tell you that I've said ALL of these things

[@artemiskatsaros339]

Same

[@future1894]

Same

[@TheRealLozip]

emaS

[@absolutelyvenomous]

Holy Sh!t! 136 likes!!

[@Santeneal]

Only the Serena thing

[@strangelighter9463]

Me: *Is talking to a guard after slaughtering an entire village* Also Me: *Checks my bounty* The Bounty: *234 657 678 580 121* Me: *Continues rampage and escapes to another hold*

[@kayleecaca]

*one time when I was in 5th grade a kid fell and hit his knee on a sidewalk so I said "I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took a sidewalk to the knee" and nobody understood the reference...*

[@raspberry8865]

Kaylee Keen and then everyone clapped

[@kayleecaca]

I honestly dont know why you guys think it didn't happen, it's not that crazy... I just made a joke and nobody understood it...

[@raspberry8865]

Kaylee Keen fine. r/nothingeverhappens

[@frozty715]

@Only Alexandr r/ihavereddit Also how can you not believe that? It's not over the top or anything.

[@carlenedanning446]

Wow. How dare they!!!

[@static--pressure]

Having Lydia with you is like playing hide and seek the entire game

[@harleehilton8773]

she died after me using her once,how tf is she alive for everyone else

[@lightningmcgeequeen8091]

@@harleehilton8773 I used to have her as my follower before Serana and she died immediately without me noticing 😂 I wanted her alive tho so I had to load a save from like 2 hours prior😞

[@jerrygibson6995]

Simple never used her locked her in breeze house and never went back

[@Ella-vd8lw]

I always make her wait somewhere and proceed to forget where I left her........

[@lightningmcgeequeen8091]

@@Ella-vd8lw or that time I did the meridias beacon thing and she got stuck behind a door that you can't go through ever again and I was a new player so I thought I'd lost her forever lmao

[@schmeppie4234]

I love Cicero, he is so loyal and freaking adores the listener (you). Also he will kill Nazeem on command.

[@spartanwar1185]

Really? Tell me more about his "kill Nazeem on demand" feature Jk lol, i think i'd rather use some wacky spells like frenzy and hope he gets killed in the crossfire of what ever battle occurs

[@HunhowsShadowStalker]

Cicero is like a homicidal Adoring Fan. "By the Night Mother, by the Night Mother, by the Night Mother! It's the Listener! I can't believe it's _you,_ standing _here_ next to _me!"_

[@Alectozere]

Cicero gives me fucking heart attacks by suddently laughing while I'm slowly advancing in catacombs. Like.. * silence * HEHEHEHEH

[@psychosomaticstatic]

...I'm starting to think I shouldn't have slaughtered Cicero...

[@FecalMatador]

joonie noodle soup™ Nah fam. I need that chest piece for the 20% bartering

[@OogaBooga289]

"Why do I have this much shit in my inventory? It's okay, I might use it later" *Never uses it*

[@sheilabarnett6299]

Teammate. It’s the final battle use your potions Me. but there’s so little Teammates. but you can’t continue after Me. this but I only have 10,000

[@maliacramer2050]

"Oh yeah, Brynjolf can like.. get it."

[@BlueBarry-cv2ny]

I AGREE SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@dyzieklalune5536]

I relate SO MUCH.

[@magentuspriest]

@@dyzieklalune5536 I dont understand

[@boilaknezzi8974]

ravenpuff huffleclaw nigga he’s pixels

[@cheeseccheese]

IM HOWLING

[@bladedeath6127]

Why did the dragonborn climb the mountain? To get to the cloud district

[@notyourfathersdm]

*Snobby Tone:* No, I don't suppose *you* would go there often.

[@InquisitorSorynn]

"Hey, Nazeem! Come check out this interesting black crystal I have..."

[@milk_man395]

*scrolls through comments and hears a voice behind you* "Wait...I know you"

[@DeVonol]

Yeah, no mistaking it...you're a wanted man

[@tommyshommy]

When you walk past a teacher in the wrong uniform “Wait... I know you” *keeps walking*

[@budderbro1395]

"What do you mean something's spotting me?" Looks around "oh it's the horse."

[@alexkaczynski9322]

Me: I CANT WAIT TO BECOME A COMPANION AND A WEREWOLF Random giant when I walk to whiterun: YEET

[@knotallthere6083]

I used that "why did the Dragonborn.." joke on my girlfriend and she now wants to have kids

[@SednaDaCat]

KNOT ALL THERE are you aware you won’t be able to kill them

[@giannarachelle]

That's one way to do it *lenny face*

[@jQ_theeNHK]

To see what all the Fus is about! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@aoife08619]

That cracked me up 😂

[@nancyhaley763]

Actually did Lol at that. 😂

[@gabriellagutierrez3098]

BRUH I DIED FOR FIVE MINUTES

[@jQ_theeNHK]

@@gabriellagutierrez3098 right!? So good! 😂

[@leeonchungus9246]

Why is everything in this dude’s house a neutral color

[@maxrubyluckyroxy6171]

I will never unsee it

[@Graenolf]

Hmmm.. Upload on Easter, or 4/20? It was a tough call ; ) No matter what you’re celebrating, I hope you have a lovely weekend. A lot of people have been telling me they’re not getting my upload notifications, so please make sure the bell is ticked on for that. I would appreciate that a lot

[@bigboiyoshi3611]

Actually it's Hitler's birthday

[@badgerbaby5741]

1:53 oyfum spotted !

[@hasdkoi]

I'm celebrating Passover

[@justace1430]

@Silencer I agree

[@7galaxy787]

Its my birthday

[@danieledwards4116]

Yea the most used one is "where's lydia?"

[@breadstick8623]

Daniel Edwards Here!!

[@DeianiraJax]

One time I told Lydia to stay still because I was practicing shouts in high hrothgar and I was halfway through a dungeon when I realised

[@ashlane3579]

@@DeianiraJax I killed her by accident as soon as she was assigned to me.

[@cougar4203]

Usually when you loose your follower go back to the place where you first told them to follow you, so that means lydia is in dragons reach.

[@juliannalouisamangahas8657]

I accidentally killed her while playing a werewolf

[@stopdropandnopodcast1413]

1:24 When he looked up and said “Nah it’s fine I’ll just take my horse”😂😂errbody knew what he meant

[@infernaltourist9601]

One word Mountains

[@berrzyeet8482]

My horses always die when I try to actually travel and roleplay

[@RicoX-17]

They defy the laws of physics 😂

[@iknowyouarebutiamnot]

@@infernaltourist9601 OMG thank you. I was definitely the only one who didn't get it but laughed anyway. Zero sarcasm.

[@spartanwar1185]

horses are for wimps who skipped leg day lmao, i walk and/or fast travel everywhere, usually i just roam though, being Dragonborn means there's not as many willing bandits out on the roads anymore these days, so i just go where ever my legs take me

[@PSNChickenLittle24]

"What do you mean I cant marry serana?" I felt that

[@dairyqueen911]

Brynjolf is the HOTTEST character in the game. when he says lass oooofff

[@roansmith6991]

Thought I was the only one 😂

[@NuclearSeasons1]

Girl are you okay lmfao

[@blueiis4336]

Farkas could spit on me and I'd say thank you

[@enshrowd]

DEADASS DUDE I MADE FEMALE CHARACTERS JUST TO HEAR HIM CALL ME LASS

[@apollidoe6651]

oh thank god there are others like this lmao

[@thejiracros]

The Lydia ones, can't be more accurate Where the hell is Lydia

[@skullcandy5409]

And the fact that she always blocks the door way to... poor stupid lydia.

[@emeralddraegon]

@@skullcandy5409 lol Yes! 😂 "Lydia, I want to leave now. Could you... I dunno... move outta the way? Move. Lydia, move. Get the heck outta the way!" *pushes her around until I can get through doorway* Lydia gasps as if I've just morally offended her.

[@courier6640]

Probably in some chest in a bear inside a cave under a city you can't remember the name of. Cause I've done it XD.

[@plexusnexus5746]

Graenolf: I actually read a book _[E] Take The Lusty Argonian Maid_

[@heimskr2881]

0:40 My favorite part. I only realize my follower is missing when I get over-encumbered :)

[@abuhajaar2732]

“Can’t go back to Solitude, not after what I did.” Surely it should be Whiterun instead of Solitude

[@TuberoseKisser]

Solitude has more quests revolving around killing npcs more than whiterun, it also has more people walking around so accidents happen.

[@stupickles5436]

@@TuberoseKisser But Whiterun, something about it, just makes a man wanna kill indiscriminately

[@saif123883]

He’s referring to Vitoria’s assassination (Dark brotherhood questline)

[@stupickles5436]

@@bruskiii Too many killable people, just thinking bout it

[@moralityisnotsubjective5]

By the time I'm done killing everyone who says something that annoys me about 1/2 of Skyrim is dead.

[@unusualtune8328]

1:18 I turned into a werewolf and ate every guard in Markarth. I'm sneaky enough that I can still go back there.

[@danielsmerdel8214]

I mean as much as I approve of killing most of the people in Markarth, I really don't think that *eating them* is a great way to do it... though at least you were in Werewolf form and not using that blasted ring... yuck!

[@unusualtune8328]

@@danielsmerdel8214 pfff yeah totally, my Argonian thief would never feast on the corpses of his enemies. (;ŏ﹏ŏ)

[@NXavier787]

I call that city “Marklar,” because South Park!

[@kennethhuffman3754]

Guard: is that for coming out of your ear? Me: but I don't have ears......

[@tthegreatiii8125]

Knowing the people of Markarth, it would have happened sooner or later

[@Ghostkiller__166]

This man's a liar, no one actually ever reads the books, we just hoard them and say we'll read them one day.

[@Ghostkiller__166]

@Ella I may have skimmed it once, or twice....

[@rumor-936]

@@Ghostkiller__166 You insult me! I am a man of culture, a warrior of knowledge. And I'll have you know I spend days at a time in apocrypha In the playboy section.

[@gamewizerd01]

@Ella was about to recommend this exact title until I scrolled through the comments and saw you had beaten me to the punch by about 2 weeks

[@lightningmcgeequeen8091]

I actually started reading them😞 specifically the ones about Dwemers/Dwarves. I just think they're insteresting And not to mention my favorite, the Lusty Argonian Maid

[@Ghostkiller__166]

@@lightningmcgeequeen8091 yeah specifically dwarven lore with how they just straight disappeared

[@Gaetafix]

the fact that he sensors the word "knee" is the single best most skyrim gag ever that is just pure comedy gold haha!