Video Game Consists Solely Of Shooting People In Face

Play the demo.
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[@Dunamus]

I for one, was really disappointed when he didn't shoot the mysterious women in the face.

[@kenyaross1986]

The Easter egg allows you to

[@austinsftw]

Oh trust me... he did... 😉

[@stealthyshibe4904]

He did, with a different gun.

[@henrymichelgadomski6824]

Why would he? She knows where his brother is. Gotta pay more attention to the story of the game, man.

[@GoldenPantaloons]

lol tell me you didn't complete the story mode without telling me you didn't complete the story mode.

[@DiegoAlanTorres96]

The multiplayer looks completely balanced

[@goldenfir3623]

Do we have a brony?

[@kevynhansyn2902]

+GOLDENFIR3 also known as "Beastapedipheliacs"

[@goldenfir3623]

Kevyn Hansyn Lol

[@TechnoMinarchist]

I want to like this but it has 666 likes

[@chadistan4790]

I want to like this but it has 911 likes

[@Gatinois]

Now I understand how my parents see videogames.

[@hynre5894]

Relatable

[@renderproductions1032]

|-O-|

[@1marcelfilms]

me: enjoy the gta game because you can drive around parents; you playing GTA thats violent GAME and

[@1marcelfilms]

0_0@ricktheredbrick

[@nathannotnate4908]

The most unrealistic part of this is that the sequel is releasing the same year

[@lizardlegend42]

They're going for the EA/Ubisoft model

[@podyjr101]

@@lizardlegend42 unrealistic?

[@dvdjkaufmn]

@@lizardlegend42 So..broken and unfinished then. Probably have to pay extra to get all the faces to shoot at, as well.

[@jimmym3352]

unrealistic that there isn't day 1 dlc for $9.99. Celebrity faces you can shoot off.

[@Talking_Ed]

Haven't you been around lately?

[@Shoe0nHead]

"a new cure for crying children; smothering" oh, onion news. :)

[@schaumerrikk9859]

Shoe0nHead well how else would you quiet them down

[@The1of1000]

Shoe0nHead A comment from a sizeable KZbinr from 7 years ago before they got big? Nice.

[@josecuervo3588]

N/A N/A “big”? Hardly.

[@unanonymous4655]

Jose Cuervo In what world is 963,000 subscribers "hardly" big?

[@Hawkeyeblock]

Shoe0nHead June! I love you mom!

[@planetary109]

"Fans say it's the well developed characters and story line that make the game so compelling." oh my sides!

[@nicholsjoshua15]

Spec Ops - Line would like a word with. It makes feel the bullets as they year through the target, you inadvertantly cause hundreds of women and children to die, and after a short while the usually rewarding act of killing your enemies starts to make you feel dirty inside and out. It's the Anti-Call Of Duty.

[@unkn0wni]

@d well, I can’t trully talk about 3D shooters, but for example in undertale they try to do the same thing of humanizing the enemies and so far it has been a success. Hotline Miami is a 2D shooter where they depict you as a psycopath, although I don’t know if it trully makes you feel bad (as I haven’t played it myself). Dehumanization is actually a thing that exists beyond shooters, usually most movies or series with killings tend to dehumanize as to not make the protagonist look bad (or, in the case of horror films, as to not make you feel bad for side-characters, or not make you feel bad for wanting their deaths). A story in which the protagonist has to weigh the immoral results of his actions tends to be more profound and darker, because you would be trying to produce reflection on the matter of the value of life. You don’t want that in games centered on the fun and that are supposed to make you forget about your worries, not just replace them with others. You can also fail at humanizing deaths, maybe if it is too forced. You can actually feel bad for characters in a videogame or series, and it is quite common. The only thing is that, if you have dehumanized characters without any insight whatsoever, the player/viewer is just going to see them as moving targets and nothing more, because an artificial person with no backstory or emotions is barely human-like, even if they look otherwise. 3D shooter games are not quite cartoonish, their main objective is being realistic. It would be like calling movies cartoonish because they don’t have quite the right blood mechanics (due to it really not being blood produced by a gunshot or a slit). It is not a matter of the realism, but rather of having meaningful enemies that you can empathize with.

[@beewell1600]

a line they use in every game

[@lucascoval828]

Pretty much anybody who talks about videogame stories. 🤣🤣🤣

[@joshraid1550]

Yeah no game is compelling for the characters and story, unless it's a telltale game type deal. I don't play FNAF 4 for the story, I already found out the story through theory videos. I play it to scare myself.

[@gameblor]

The lore is so rich, Its all about the story.

[@bobsagget823]

it's about family, that's what makes it so powerful

[@ethan7252]

idk man, they shouldve added more plot holes

[@SuperXzm]

"Close Range: The Netflix original" was dope

[@matthewbeers4888]

I enjoy that this is tagged as "no mature content"

[@vegasixty]

Haha

[@derpleyew]

Well it’s pretty immature to repeatedly shoot people in the face at point blank range

[@rjs3590]

13/10 IGN

[@manfromnantucket9544]

Jaime Smith 420/10 -IGN

[@meredocu]

they are good game brent!

[@MAYONNAISEMOOSE]

1k liker!

[@sawyernorthrop4078]

It has a little something for everyone

[@baconbitz7804]

No 0/10 cause it’s a video game and ign never gives positive reviews

[@lustyargonianmaid4071]

"Who are you??" "Someone who can help." "Hmm" "I know where your brother is." "Tell me." "LOOK OUT!!!" Ahhhh such ingenious well thought out dialogue. :')

[@MyETProductions]

The funniest part of it was how we expect a shooting to happen at every single line. Hope that by the time you read this 9 years later, you have kids or something

[@lonewalkerproductions]

@@MyETProductions yeah I kept expecting someone to get shot in the face throughout that scene

[@lordofthecats6397]

@@lonewalkerproductions I was expecting someone to be shot as well but nope, I just had to sit through 9 lines of dialogue whilst spamming the A button. Games these days are nothing but long and dreary cutscenes with the occasional shooting break while the next one loads from disk.

[@Brandelwyn]

They don't make games like this anymore... :(

[@norwegianboyee]

You can just tell a lot of faces were about to be shot after that scene, moving and powerful dialogue.

[@KneelB4Bacon]

I love the Max Payne-style storyboards.

[@ValoTheBrute]

Yeah also the hud looks a bit simmilar

[@nicholsjoshua15]

Except Max Payne had a great story. It was The Maltese Falcon, Equilibrium, and The Xfiles combineded to make the perfect Noire video game.

[@opedromagico]

hahaha me too, pra caramba

[@tredaman4382]

@@nicholsjoshua15 fax

[@SuperXzm]

@@nicholsjoshua15 lmao I thought that when I was 15

[@ovisatma]

I lost it when the ostrich came up :))

[@StandardGoose]

I lost it a split second later when its beak came off.

[@farfetchdthegamer3810]

Same here

[@Gold753]

I remember when this came out with an actual playable demo. It was it exactly everything I hoped it to be.

[@izwald1]

I remember putting this on in the computer lab at my Catholic high school just to get a reaction out of my teachers.

[@chinsaw2727]

It’s actually currently lost media since the original website shut down when flash was discontinued

[@FB3Network]

@@chinsaw2727 The original website shut down long before Flash was discontinued. It most likely shut down in 2011 according to the Wayback Machine.

[@chinsaw2727]

@@FB3Network Either way it’s currently lost media

[@lukefehrwight2187]

The fact that the gore was so well-animated just for this 2 minute clip (12 years ago no less!) marks Onion as the most committed shtiposter of the internet.

[@zhardin3652]

Not only that they made an actual demo for the game that was identical to the clips

[@mr.wetdream5277]

The ostrich sold me, I put $20 down on the pre order

[@SeraphimRoad]

Its DLC though

[@Dalton_Boardman2000]

They actually went the extra mile of not only referencing a fictional storyline but making full cutscenes that look like they can carry an entire plot.

[@genericwhitekidthesecond4330]

It was effectively a parody of Max Payne

[@datamasked623]

1:21 I like how the guy stands there and WAITS for you to reload.

[@smithswords9409]

This was the inspiration for the Character Face McShooty in borderlands 2

[@BMWM3GTR2001]

Sky Rising you just copied that entire scene for this comment?

[@lonewolf031]

Looks like cod has competition! Lmao!

[@Abizaga]

CoD wouldn't stand a chance lol

[@hazukichanx408]

Was just about to say, "The Onion predicted Call of Duty" o.o

[@haagenneldeberg6787]

@@hazukichanx408 the first Call of Duty came out in 2003.

[@snaketooth0943]

"A new cure for crying children...smothering" BEST IDEA I HEARD ALL DAY "OHHH.... KIIIIIDSS!"

[@thewingedhussars6313]

Snaketooth 09 , father/mother nooooo my fortnite ps4 ... you killed it !

[@MichaelAndrews]

Who wouldn't play the shit out of this?!? LOL

[@nichtdu4670]

Finaly a game i can sit my 5 year old son in front of, so he does not bother me whyle i drink myself into a coma. 5/5 stars!

[@damienkendrick1457]

This is actually the relality of my little brother and i dont know what to do

[@puppergump4117]

@@damienkendrick1457 Hope I'm not late but just get the kids away from the drunks.

[@ishquinn5648]

I am actually surprised this isn't a real game yet.

[@qtulhoo]

It was, but the website is down now.

[@keygenrosie]

Borderlands 2 has a character based on this named “Face McShooty”

[@zhardin3652]

Hello friend I’m from the future a game like this does exist it’s called bone lab

[@christianpetersen163]

The most amazing thing about this video is that they had to actually make a large part of a hypothetical game just to make fun of the face-shooting-fixation in the video game industry... it is also evident that they have the retail, marketing and dlc ready. I'd say they made half a video game here. They might as well have finished it and sent it to the stores. People would buy it. They would get rich. It would be the greatest joke in history ;( EDIT: Ok, I looked it up, and it turns out it does exist, but they took down the website. Probably the joke got old.

[@zachbird1077]

Seriously, it exists?! or existed? I would buy that in a heartbeat.

[@zachbird1077]

Zach Bird I just read that they submitted it as an app but Apple denied it to it's awesomeness. That sucks.

[@VGamingJunkieVT]

Zach Bird Bet you Google would take it.

[@newenglandsun4394]

It's real but only because The Onion invented it.

[@tengkualiff]

lol

[@ajoo129]

This is how my parents think about all of the video games i've ever played

[@Cambietto]

*SHOOT ME IN THE FACE! IN THE FACE! DO IT! SHOOT ME IN THE FACE! FACE, FACE, FACE, FACE, FACE! NOW! BULLETS IN THE FACE! WANT 'EM, NEED 'EM-GIMME, GIMME, GIMME! AT THE SOUND OF THE BELL, IT WILL BE FACE-SHOOTING O'CLOCK! BONG! KNOCK, KNOCK! WHO'S THERE? SHOOT ME IN THE FACE; END OF JOKE! I'M GONNA SING A SONG; SHOOT ME AT THE END OF IT! DA, DA, DA, DA, DA, DA, BONG! I NOTICE YOU HAVEN'T SHOT ME IN THE FACE; CURIOUS AS TO WHY! Maybe you're weighing the moral pros and cons, but let me assure you that-OH, MY GOD, SHOOT ME IN THE GODDAMN FACE! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?*

[@Vic-ol8hj]

poor Face McShooty, he had it coming ;c

[@LoydAvenheart]

IN THE FACE! NOT SO COMPLEX! NEED IT! WANT IT NEED IT HAVE TO HAVE IT! FACESHOT! BOOM! BRAINS EVERYWHERE! Not the KNEE, not the ARM, not the SPINE - FACE! IT HAS TO HAPPEN! HNNNNG! FACEY FACEY FACE FACE! TIRED OF WAITING! NO MORE WAITING! NEED A FACE SHOT! BOOM! SQUISH! YAY!

[@LoydAvenheart]

You know his charter was completely based off this video?

[@Landon-ye6ti]

face mcshooty borderlands 2

[@fatty1040]

*STOP* *LOOKING* *AT* *MEEEEE* !!

[@KneelB4Bacon]

0:33 _"Just like great literature or film transports you to different worlds, Close Range transports you to a world where you fire bullets into an endless stream of faces."_ lol

[@nicholsjoshua15]

BioShock would like a word with you.

[@sebbie_gonzo]

I miss the good ol' days when The Onion made these fantastic satirical videos. I can't say I've seen anything of this caliber from them in years. =\

[@duelinthis]

Because millenials now find this (and pretty much all) humor offensive

[@adog3129]

duelinthis wow, taking a shit on millenials. that's refreshing.

[@matthewbrodnitz1047]

+duelinthis More like because over half of the stories The Onion writes are coming true. Satire is dead. Plenty of millennials love shock humor, though, so there.

[@mikei6605]

Lmao people shitting on millennials like they aren’t millennials themselves. If you’re gen x wtf are you even doing on KZbin?

[@governmentvirus9368]

@@mikei6605 really dude? Us old fucks aren't allowed to use KZbin?

[@SSJshadowX]

Hatred's pre-alpha?

[@atomic5134]

More exciting

[@roscoejustros7080]

I was thinking the whole time "This reminds me of Postal 1"

[@Abizaga]

Except this is better than Hatred in evedy way.

[@Oatmea1L]

@@roscoejustros7080 it reminds me of Postal 2

[@TheBloodRedX]

Lmao, I can't believe they made a demo for it. Just played it. Love The Onion so much.

[@fierypandaofdoom]

The ostrich head explosion was oddly satisfying. Also curing children's cries is amazing.

[@The_Horizon]

"No mature content"

[@BananaBanzaiii.]

Didn't expect you to be here

[@Illunica3000]

Bruh i just went to newest and saw your comment

[@StandardGoose]

Actually this sounds pretty entertaining.

[@StandardGoose]

Rayan Alam Does your face overlap some other part of your body beyond the confines of your head? Because that's a Venn diagram I've never encountered in other human beings.

[@italktoanimalsliketheyrehuman]

Idk why but the ostrich popping it's head up & then getting blasted was funny to me. The ostrich stands out for some reason lol.

[@davidb9236]

Yes! Had me actually laughing out loud. Effing hilarious.

[@NOACCEPTANCE772]

" A cure to crying children-smothering!" I died laughing. LOL!

[@Alexagrigorieff]

They do without

[@genericAVGNfan]

SPOILERS AJ explodes his brother's face

[@SinoLegionaire]

AJ: AHHHHHHHH TIMMMMMMMY! Timmy: AJ! *Cues encounter.

[@jt4369]

Get ready for the much anticipated sequel, “Angle Down, the game made up entirely of shooting people in the genitals.”

[@double1777]

If this had came out years later, and been satire of a VR game, it would be 100% accurate

[@Milkra]

The character development was the best part of this game

[@alexanderstanfield5845]

Ah the wargame red dragon music in the background

[@Gligar13Vids]

How Nintendo fanboys view FPSes.

[@whiteraith]

Branden Wilder what a hater

[@gamerhead1234]

Lol

[@filthypigdaddy]

Or people who experienced the FPS genre before it became over saturated with skill-less linear shooting galleries

[@kashkobi]

No way lol. Im a Nintendo fanboy but I still play Bioshock, Half Life and others.

[@LutherE.Bolkart]

Im a Nintendo fanboy (look at my name ) but I would play the fuck out of this

[@ludwigvonn9889]

I would play this. Sometimes you just need that dose of mindless continuous face shooting.

[@40KoopasWereHere]

I do like the story line, it really does bring home the feel of shooting someone in the face without feeling pointless. And they're not scared to make that point either, I mean you shoot them RIGHT IN THE FACE. Dang.

[@Pandalka]

I lost it at the horse and then there was the ostrich

[@salsamancer]

Too many cutscenes, not enough face shooting

[@jpmnky]

That side mission bit made me burst out laughing. Man, I miss these guys.

[@mrhelitosis7564]

And then, Face McShooty was born.

[@mofftarkin78]

My favorite Onion video. I come back here when I need a guaranteed laugh.

[@gotgunpowder]

would unironically play this for at least an hour tbh.

[@flat-earther]

hi gotgun, have you become a flat earther yet? If not I suggest viewing the 13 part series _what on earth happened_ in my about to learn how the earth is not a globe

[@cratermoney6941]

The fact they tagged it "No mature content" is incredible

[@Dw4ttz]

This was the first Onion clip i saw. 3 Years later im still hooked i love this channel.

[@VileRebis]

There was actually a demo of this game released online, but it's lost media now.

[@yoursleepparalysisdemon1828]

i love postal

[@canyontheman]

1:29 killing the best animal on the planet is where you cross the line

[@Dominion69420]

A new cure for crying children: *Smothering*

[@pyrolee17]

Oh my god, I dident know John Wick the videogame came out!,

[@Darth_Rhidian]

That main character has some godly plot armor

[@Aranimda]

They were all dead. The final gunshot was an exclamation mark on everything that had led to this point. I released my finger from the trigger, and it was over.

[@BulletFodder80]

Hehe, I always love when The Onion makes absurd video game-related skits; they're just priceless. ^^

[@jerellem]

Always thoroughly impressed with the amount of dedication and detail they put into every video. They have to be getting paid for this.

[@ruthkatz1998]

They should make a mobile game from this

[@EmRePhoto]

The ostrich

[@ARockyRock]

Just learned that there is an IRL demo of this game that is currently lost media. If anybody has a copy of the SWF archived somewhere, please say so, I want to play this.

[@qanh96]

It's always the "Up Next" section that got me even more..

[@omegaweaponredux]

still waiting on chainsaw dawn onion.

[@evanellis9178]

This is how boomers and media view coolmaths games

[@tastydeathcaps8608]

11 years and still waiting for that sequel

[@theodorebear6714]

Still looks a lot better than that Duck Dynasty game.

[@halfblooddutchprince]

Knowing IGN, they'd complain about it not being like CoD and give this a 5.99999 rating or some horse shit. xD

[@theduckking5720]

So this is what parents think video games are!

[@TheSpartanK11]

@ItsSkaTV Yes, i have been hearing rumors of a supposed DLC. It includes new weapons such as knives and dynamite sticks. Also, in a major turn of events, a new way to beat the game is available for those who do not like shooting people in the face. To put it simply, you shoot them in the testicles.

[@ArtsicOfficial]

0:38 he has a solidus snake! long live metal gear solid

[@luisjaime2567]

So I'm just putting a gun in a poor guy's face

[@gunman762]

naruto94 cool Isn't it great

[@Cynocehali]

At least this game was fully finished upon release.

[@armelior4610]

Back then, they didn't even need to make it a tie-in to a known franchise. If it released today it would be called "Pulp fiction : Marvin's fall" or something

[@francegamer]

that cover looks VERY similar to the superhot box art

[@Darkmatter105]

"later renamed Call of duty"

[@ahillmann]

Amazing that The Onion went through the trouble of creating a complete video game for the sake of a two-minute comedy skit.

[@TheCompleteMental]

These physics engines are so high tech. Developers never fail to impress me.

[@pretzelogic5896]

infinite warfare

[@xXxJSCOTTxXx]

This was me playing Burnout 3 Takedown as a kid... Driving schoolbuses into as many other objects as possible to cause as much carnage possible... All while trying to convince your parents, it's not about violence, but "scoring points" to earn cooler cars. When will parents learn?

[@advena688]

The title is how parents and media think every videogame is about

[@SuperXzm]

When he said "...I... was the monster... the whole time...." I cried and made a 3 hour video essay

[@thescotslair]

Pretty accurate IGN reveiw

[@mauz791]

Mind blowing graphics.

[@xxProjectJxx]

The Close Range speedrun scene is pretty competitive

[@lewdmeat]

This is what the mainstream media thinks video games are

[@RobinAlbatroz]

Looks like a great game when does it come out?

[@gun6145]

Btw this is ACTUALLY a real game I forgot the real games title

[@zizmanjones3189]

"new cure for crying children...smothering" I laughed so hard XD

[@NapoleonicGeese]

The fact this was the inspiration behind the funniest character in the whole borderlands series

[@viperrr6886]

Why hasnt someone made a game of this???they missed their chance!

[@dudies3377]

0:48 every battle royal game lmao

[@MrEDK1985]

I think I need a strategy guide. I keep getting stuck at this one part where people keep spawning. I shoot them, they die, they come back. HELP!

[@GoldBallTV]

When they start blowing the horse/emu heads off... I found myself saying aloud “oh my god....” 🤣

[@Skyfx89]

1:00 Max Payne 1 and 2 anyone?

[@pyrolee17]

Oh my, looks like Activision's newest FPS was leaked....I can't wait for the dlc maps, McDonalds and High School

[@tktktktktk826]

What about Connecticut? That was a great map.

[@pyrolee17]

DankLord420 that's for the sequel. If it's Activision their going to squeeze it for all its worth

[@DannyEastes]

I'm pretty sure that's the sound of an actual 1911. But that particular soundfile is also used for the pistols in L4D and in the latest Aliens vs Predator game.

[@ashstan100]

"a new cure for crying children....smothering" i was rolling

[@IsaacFoster..]

*Cough* Valorant *cough*