Bill Burr - Advice: Dating An Ugly Girl

billburr.com/ and www.allthingscomedy.com/

[@GooblyWoobly69]

"Her life is already pretty hard because of how she looks" killed me. This guy just casually piling onto this poor girl haha

[@josejoaquinbenitez6485]

Yeah, between him and Bill they ripped her to shreds. I feel bad for laughing but damn hahahah.

[@jonathanmcculley3728]

I wish we could see her. They hyped her up like she’s a troll lol

[@VVD]

I wish I had a little Bill Burr on my shoulder with me at all times so I could just ask him his advice whenever I had a dilemma.

[@ant263]

And Patrice on the other shoulder

[@bigbromiki1]

he we just keep telling you to go beat off first

[@mikemccann1997]

We all do. He is good at giving practical advice

[@cakeisavegatable]

That visual made me snort laughing

[@caltimuslk1887]

You mean a father figure?

[@bbz232]

I’d bet the house if you saw a picture of the dude he ain’t even that good looking.

[@blop-a-blop9419]

Why, because you find inconceivable that two people of a different "league" can't possibly form a couple ?!

[@burpostockings]

No, because only ugly people use dating sites.

[@vm42870]

@@burpostockings thats definitely not true?

[@Kizdo69]

@@blop-a-blop9419 a guy who knew he was good looking has higher standards. This girl smells bad and looks like trash, there's really no way the guy who still tries to make it work iis much better himself

[@Kizdo69]

@@burpostockings thats complete horseshit

[@cameronfielder4955]

Guys let me give you some advice (not that I should I’ve dated the worst batch of broads)... if a chick makes you happy and handles your needs in bed that is all that matters. Worrying about what other people think will only hold you back in life. What other people think of you is none of your business. Don’t worry about it. Just do what makes you happy.

[@chrismeyers7487]

"Maybe she throws on some makeup, does her hair a little bit... maybe brushes it in her face a little bit" hahah

[@mitchmcguishlin835]

"Dude, does she live under a bridge?" Bill Burr is a genius. How is this dude not worth $100 Mil?

[@conservativelanka]

Mitch McGuishlin 4 mil

[@kristofarvay8425]

He is worth much more than $100 mill, genius just can't be quantified.

[@rayp4050]

That's where I absolutely lost it, too

[@bobwilkinsonguitar6142]

Cause other people are geniuses at More valuable things

[@T0YCHEST]

@@BkZ1AnD0nLy 8m

[@saleh6272]

The way bill speaks on a podcast is like I am his friend and we are having a casual conversation but I just don’t say anything back

[@gangstaclown6938]

“Can two negative smells make a good smell” lol

[@diekrahe.]

Old fish and eggs say no

[@nightgoggles9931]

@@diekrahe. Moldy Taco Bell hamburger meat and pickle juice

[@AlwaysWatchin0.0]

Shit n puke = Shit n puke

[@newdawnforall6264]

My wife says, old farts and dead goats when she gets a nasty niff! So no.

[@justinmartin4662]

Considering whale vomit is known as a top shelf ingredient in perfumes I’d say yes, possible.

[@MKULTRA_Victim_]

I’ve actually been in this exact same position. We broke up, it was for the best. You don’t wanna be with somebody who says shit like this behind your back. Even if it is in good faith.

[@diamondthundergold]

why are you with this person sir lolllll

[@CultofThings]

Poor girl

[@atrain132]

Oh man LOL! I've seen this numerous times. In actuality, if the sex is great, and he can truly be himself around her, and feels like she is his best friend, he is literally sitting on a gold mine. He could talk to her about her body odor, or smell in a polite way to where she could understand. As far as looks, who gives a fuck. You're alrrady sexually turned on. The REAL problem is HIM! He's so worried about what other people think, and not what he truly feels; that he's missing out on the best part. Which is probably the best relationship he's ever going to have.

[@arpitakodagu9854]

You sound like an ugly girl...

[@jc.1191]

Totally. I did the same thing in my teens. Girls a doctor now.

[@atrain132]

@@arpitakodagu9854 nope. I'm a dude. Although, I'm sure you would hope that I was an ugly girl. Probably the only way you would get laid, besides paying for it. 👍

[@atrain132]

@@jc.1191 😂😂 oh man that sucks. Been there.

[@rodbelding9523]

"her life is already hard enough because of her looks" "What, does she live under a bridge?"

[@tianao4720]

Honestly I think the smell thing is a huge factor often overlooked. I dated a couple guys when I was younger who were good looking, great personalities, driven, AND super hygienic...but they had this smell I couldn’t get over. I can’t describe it, but it was the same smell. Obviously those relationships ended because I’m with my fiancé now, but I could never understand how 2 people that didn’t even know each other had the same bad smell. I think our pheromones were incompatible, and some primal instinct was trying to alert us that we were wrong for each other. Idk...I’m no scientist lol

[@josejoaquinbenitez6485]

I had a girlfriend that the first time we met I was very sweaty yet we clicked. Later when I was going through some issues she told me she didn't like how I smelled. It wasn't a specific thing like sweat or cologne. It was something she could sense that was deeper, maybe she could recognize the scent of testosterone and cortizol. So yeah, I agree.

[@laurenm7898]

omg i know this comment was 4 yrs ago, but there have been documentaries and studies showing that its true! like if a guy has a similar smell to a family member of yours (you prol cant tell but its true) then biologically you will be grossed out by their natural scent. nothing anyone can control lol i guess its just so healthier offspring occur

[@stefevr]

probably dior sauvage

[@Raymanujan]

u got that exactly right. it's the genes working for you.

[@smileyattitude6807]

This one was absolutely golden!! I died the whole time!! I hope to God she never finds out he wrote this about her 😭😭😱

[@irishcountrygirl78]

When he got to "l don't want ugly kids...." I died laughing 🤣, had ear phones in so now my family are staring at me 🤣🤣🤣. Wtf... Funniest podcast ever.

[@queenroo4082]

“What do you look like, sir? Are you a little off and smell?” 🤣🤣🤣 way to throw it back.

[@poppysfit]

This had to be written by a guy I work with. Very good looking guy, I mean model good looks and he knows it. Girlfriend is a fright show from the neck up! I got into a conversation with him one time and he told me he likes her because she appreciates him and the sex is so good because of it. He actually said she tells him how lucky she feels to be with him and cries in his arms after sex!!!! GTFOH!

[@MoonLightWright]

poppysfit lmao!

[@GAZAMAN93X]

poppysfit good gawd almighty

[@matlevesque8944]

stumbled upon this 3 years late. ahahaha I'm dead!

[@odinsplaygrounds]

@Gazzara5 Oh it will be complete different. The girl won't lift a finger for him.

[@BlankestKnight]

@Gazzara5 sure, that sounds likely 🙄

[@andrewd1923]

Billy boy is the best relationship advisor ever

[@Hal2718]

Smell is a very important thing, at least to me. When I was in highschool, this bombshell of a girl that every guy wanted to hook up with, was into me for some inexplicable reason. But I sat next to her in math class and couldn't help but notice she had a funky odor. She smelled like a mixture of chlorine and dirty laundry. Anyway, I could not get over this smell so I never pursued her in highschool. I got into contact with her again a few years after graduation, but I was immediately reminded why I was never attracted to her. Killer body and cute face, but her odor was just god awful.

[@thinkify100]

that reminded me of this scene with marlon wayans where he sits next to a hot girl and she farts and picks her nose,

[@theravenousrabbit3671]

Had a similar experience but for me I can't take perfumes. I really can't, even deodorants bother me, that penetrating sweet smell that just engulfs your senses? It makes my stomach churn. In all honesty, I prefer the scent of a male locker room (Not that it smells good.) over feminine perfumes and really invasive and musky ones that some dudes wear. Had this really cute girl after me a few years back, we really did talk and hit it off... Though I really couldn't do it, and just being with someone for a week and telling them to not wear their perfume which they have worn for years on end (Known her for a long time.) is just controlling.

[@infinitesimotel]

Its amazing how certain basic primal things will null everything else, regardless of how spectacular the other aspects are. I think smell is very underrated and even ignored. Animals rely on smell the most, if things don't smell right, they will stay the fuck away regardless of how great the tits are made to look.

[@theravenousrabbit3671]

infinitesimotel Studies have shown that women choose whom they are going to sleep in within three seconds, mostly based on smell.

[@infinitesimotel]

louie wallenberg That would not surprise me at all. Its like the rest of the night is just the end result playing itself out.

[@aidanflaherty6183]

Totally ok if she’s not the fairest of them all, but stank is where I understand we part ways

[@daniawania]

Good looking and dating online? Dry spell? Oh please

[@nothisispatrick1753]

Lmao

[@christophershreiner5114]

Dude sounds like a bit of a narcissist.

[@christophershreiner5114]

The thing so many guys have wrong is that they think they have to be great looking to get laid or get a pretty girl. An average looking guy with the right personality can get a beautiful woman. A great looking guy with a bland or crappy personality becomes average looking at best. Develop yourself men and THEN find yourself a good woman.

[@nothisispatrick1753]

@Spanish Moustache The thing is, there are a lot of horny women too. Yeah it's true that it's easier for ugly women compared to guys but just go party and you'll see lol

[@landonic81]

Hey Diana....sup?

[@JoseChavez-ct1db]

"and can't catch a beach ball underhanded..." LMAO

[@numberone9642]

“Her life is pretty hard cuz of the way she looks” wooowwww amazing. The internet is beautiful

[@laura.louise]

"Do I gotta hold ya hand and bring ya ovar ta da whatar FOUNTAIN!" I coulda died a happy 32 year old, single woman at that point. I ❤ Billy

[@landonic81]

I wanna have your baby

[@misssantiago2012]

Yes they are all gorgeous

[@josh3468]

Bill doesn’t know that the fruit at the supermarket has to choose you too 😆

[@chodemckenzie4179]

"Every once in a while wouldn't fishing a stocked pond be great?" Best quote of the week there Billy.

[@jza1926]

Everyone should have a friend like bill burr

[@charlesmin7764]

4:45 Basically Sums up the entire video Dude is super insecure.

[@burpostockings]

I get those looks too. Because my wife is borderline trophy level. I never was attracted to her, because of how gorgeous she was. It was really, really intimidating. I was like 290, couldnt grow facial hair, and had, still have, an Andre the giant face. But we clicked, couldnt stop laughing at each other, and been together for 10 years, this November. But whenever were out in public i see the looks. And i bathe in those looks. Hahahaha

[@soyboytroy148]

I’m late to the party here but I just wanna take a moment to brag on myself also. My beautiful wife and I go out every so often and the looks of surprise from the general public are what I live for.

[@alexjamesnorrisakehurst3081]

Never judge a book by its cover

[@JK8]

Yeah right LOL

[@ThereBeGoldInThemTharHills]

@@JK8 naw it's possible. My girlfriend's ex husband could've been an underwear model. But he treated her like garbage. After someone who goes through years of that decides to date based on personality. I'm not ugly but I'm no where near in her league. She can't go anywhere without being called beautiful, even when I'm with her. She even caused a car accident where dude admitted to the police that he had to look at her. It's all just about not acting insecure or controlling when being with a pretty girl. That's the biggest turn on to them.

[@varanasiwalks1451]

The guy has to ask himself, "why do I date" not "why am i dating this woman".

[@toluadek]

I was laughing throughout this one, Bill's reactions reading this 😂😂😂😂

[@metalmog3420]

''im afraid of how they will judge me behind our backs, cuz im dating an ugly girl who also smells bad'' oh lawd

[@ismellrudolph]

I think internet dating takes away an element of skill, not saying I'm the skilled guy everyone should look up to but what i mean is there's more learning involved in approach random people and turning nothingness into something

[@richardjamesclemo6235]

ismellrudolph Totally agree. It’s easier to chat shit in real life than online. When i meet anyone off of online, they always say i’m better in real life than the profile (pics and chat)

[@J91Y]

Richard James Clemo n

[@allencharles100]

The Michael Jordan analogy is perfect.

[@chrisp2481]

allencharles100 was about to post the same thing.

[@milosdinic4710]

In Serbia we call that "she has body of a dragon with face of samurai on it "

[@BassOutcast]

@@oskarhenrik766 Go to Ukraine. It's like all women there go to the gym, seriously. They are HOT.

[@romulus_]

@@BassOutcast a lot of eastern european women start off smoking hot then look pretty bad as they age. same with latin and indian women. ticking time bomb before you're married to a goblin with her gut hanging over her sari.

[@Puppy_Puppington]

Romulus lol

[@Puppy_Puppington]

I thought dragon bodies r scaled and huge and gross lol

[@kirathekillernote2173]

@@romulus_ Indian Men are no different, and the reason is our oily food. It is one of the best, but it comes with a cost. Also, Indians make babies like every 2 years, same with mexicans. No wonder your girl swells up!

[@yurik4099]

"i was surprised to see how ugly her face was and how slightly off she smelled" lol... what kind of dry spell was this and why did she smell...

[@strategygalactic]

Dry spell means no sex for a while

[@bella6623]

As shallow as the water in a desert basin with an inferiority complex...yeah I'm sure introducing this girl to his friends and family will make make him look so much worse

[@cjnv48]

You can tell bill has never experienced the hellscape of online dating lol

[@Farns77]

Sometimes you think you’re punching below your weight, but it can come out a draw.

[@smileyattitude6807]

It cracked me up everytime u said jesus how ugly is she?!

[@Nephibis]

I thought it as many time as he said it, because she sounded near perfect. lol.

[@iursacul6817]

god your comments with the letter cracked me up laughing out loud!

[@super1234567891011]

One of my favorite advice segments

[@treymccolley6624]

Bill logic on shit is incredible.. love this dude 😂😂

[@BeeBumper]

People also forget that some people drastically uglify as time goes on, when you're young (under 20) you most likely will not carry that great looking face into the future, often people who weren't considered great looking can become better with age, so don't expect looks to hold it's the first thing to go on everyone. And many just look better as adults.

[@Heretic1981]

Look at your celebrities. You ever notice the really hot ones pass that invisible marker and go downhill fast but the plain/ugly ones seem to keep better? It's because they don't have looks to lose, they're already there. Look at Ron Perlman, he practically looks the same as he did in 1985!

[@jimmybob5541]

@@Heretic1981 Or like Roger Waters, who looks way better now than he did in the 60's and 70's

[@leeroy2461]

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to date an attractive person but if you let yourself date someone you find ugly but feel to bad to end it it’s your fault for not sacking up and just being honest, you don’t have to be mean, or write into a comic about how they are ugly, just be straight up like I’m not attracted to you

[@Burzum325]

"Her life is already pretty hard because how she looks" Made my fucking day lol

[@eritrawit]

He’s totally right about average looking ppl having beautiful kids. I’ve noticed that as well

[@Skendi33333d]

If I were her, I dont want to be with him if I find out that he has this thinking. What a jerk. I hope she meet someone better.

[@SteakAndMusic]

He said nothing but good things except she's ugly. And guys don't like ugly so she isn't meeting shit

[@shygirlcomplex]

One can get past ugly , but bad hygiene is one thing I can’t look past ... he should at least let her know she stinks ..

[@limazulu6192]

Oh please don't act like you don't know what he's talking about. Yes his words hurt but it's truthful and normal and apply to everyone. No one wants to be ugly and no one wants to be with an ugly person. And if that's not enough people judge you for doing it anyway. That shit is biologically ingrained in all of us. He's not being a bitch, LIFE is.

[@falcoburke8687]

I hope she showered

[@radiopinkzeppelin2]

"if somebody's ugly and they smell, they better fuck the shit out of you or, uh, you know...find a new career" made me chortle rather loudly in my university library, getting rewarded by rude looks

[@brunomunemassa8266]

This guys sounds like a lot of people in my family where he's already set on a decision but he seeks validation for it, even then that's so he can blame whoever gave the suggestion and not at all to create courage.

[@TatsumiOga682]

If you think the person you date is ugly then its doomed already, dont even bother

[@daradevaney]

Funniest podcast Ive ever heard. Love Bill Burr

[@BeaverChaser]

holy shit this might be the best thing that has ever come out of billy blue's podcast. "Her life is pretty hard because of how she looks" aaahhhhhhahahah shit that is hilarious

[@deridivisstar884]

What's sad, is this guy really loves her. But he's at a point where he's on the verge of a spiritual breakthrough, where beauty is only skin deep etc. But he's still shallow, and he shouldn't string her along if he has higher standards/ wants something else.

[@jeffreyvega7260]

Deridivis Star Dude she smelled bad, it’s one thing having a butter face it’s another not respecting your hygiene

[@david27616]

And u can alway's drink a little and they start looking a little more decent! Just say'n

[@DaNewWrksOfMeh]

Ive had this problem. Doesn't end well

[@toast8778]

“Can’t even catch a beach ball, underhanded” hahaha

[@deadaccount-rip]

You nailed my thoughts exactly with that sex change comment 😂

[@longjonwhite]

One of the funniest bits I’ve heard him do, great stuff. I was gonna comment, then I noticed this is 8 years old, so I’m not gonna bother ….

[@InternetStranger476]

It always cracks me up when ol bill relates everything to sports

[@ohthaterin]

i haven’t laughed so much in my life

[@MrPernell27]

Dated a girl in high school. Blond, green eyes and absolutely beautiful. A 10! Only problrm is she sounds like tom waits! She was always pretty quiet, but when zhe laughed it sounded like she's been smoking 2 packs a say for 50 years

[@dontwearflipflopsfag]

"Dude this is like "The Money Pit" but with a woman...." LOLOLOL

[@MAMP]

This is the funniest bill burr sketch I've heard, hands down.

[@sydmac11]

Playoffs?!! NO your seasons over!!! lmaoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

[@captainvoluntaryistthestat3207]

"Do two bad smells combine to a good smell? I know they do in math."

[@tdvcyt2534]

Mmm not quite

[@captainvoluntaryistthestat3207]

@@tdvcyt2534 Isssa joke

[@tdvcyt2534]

@@captainvoluntaryistthestat3207 ik, but that's not what he said

[@captainvoluntaryistthestat3207]

@@tdvcyt2534 Yeah I reworded it my way. So...?

[@jesusnavarrete4779]

6:41 bill never imagined he would ever say a sentence like that😂

[@rayhairston7582]

2:18 😂😂😂 Billy is a wild boy

[@a.a.1245]

She deservers better!!

[@badseed4492]

I wasn’t really paying attention at first until he said she had a deep voice.. that got me on the rewind.... 🤣

[@t.l3846]

Sounds like he found his soul mate. But isn't happy about it

[@thatsmyrail]

Bill is my life mentor.

[@random-nz7dy]

"people give us angry or confused looks" 😂😂😂

[@mcr2011ukgs]

There's got to be more to this story than the guy is just shallow. He writes it like he's gay and scared to tell the family about it

[@MegaWheeler11]

😂😂😂 should have taken a shower with her... I love Billlll

[@arshad_nazran]

I give a lot of respect for Bill for actually responding to this f3$@ing dude. I mean, most would just throw it out to the bin. That dude is everything that's wrong with the world and you know it.

[@LukeBrown6669]

That intro into bill hearing she is ugly is gold

[@jacobbear5971]

When bill said “she has a deep voice”😂😂😂

[@LA-xc4tc]

🤣🤣🤣

[@JohnSmith-mp6cv]

the mj analogy was hilarious

[@RockDavid]

I love mopeds - Err "Things that are fun to ride but you never tell your friends about" ha ha

[@ItsKunzy]

Bill was a genius in this one

[@nomencIature1]

6:15 Bill kills me yet again.

[@shanewalsh1188]

Nia would've been hilarious on this one

[@shygirlcomplex]

Internet dating is cool as long as you add skype in too the mix before meeting 👍🏾

[@jonl1319]

Just he happy dude. Looks will eventually fade so if she makes you that happy be with her.

[@andyberald-catelo4580]

Maaaaan! the mail is funnier than Bill 😂😂

[@eveeve8254]

A friend of mine had an experience like that. Invited a girl from another town over based on their online conversations. She drove 2hrs to get to the station where they were supposed to meet. He arrived, saw how she looks in reality, and got the fuck outta there lmao. And that was the end of that.

[@bigmiki2620]

Did he feel bad afterwards?

[@youtubingbabs]

good looks shift to ugly even you are evil. ugly turns pretty when someone is a good person. it takes a lil while, but ive had both happen. i also had this hot bf but when he was doing me above me looking down u know missionary, he was super creepy ugly and i hated the shape of his nostrils. like droplets but curved in at the top. ew. I stopped pretending it n bothered me when I realized he was a sociopath.

[@RollingcrewTV]

youtubingbabs HAHAAHHAHAHAAHHAJAAHA

[@user-yc5lb8fw5r]

Yeah, dude. A girl you enjoy being with but you’re not attracted to and are embarrassed to show off…sounds like a friend. Think of the woman too. She doesn’t deserve a bf who is ashamed of her…that’s like every woman’s worst nightmare.

[@crashdudes911]

Some of these clips make me fucking choke up

[@jobzagudn]

Get your friend to flush em out Hahaha

[@KeishenLloyd]

"Should I continue? Eh, I got nothin better to do. Fuck it." My mantra. Lol

[@FuckitnFightit]

lol I like that he reads the email takes 8 minutes going through it then his advice at the end is... "make a decision stay with her or leave her." haha. I love the Bill OG fire crotch Burr.

[@random-nz7dy]

"every once in awhile wouldn't it be nice to fish in a stocked pond" hahahahaha

[@McconneIIRet]

Can we get an update on this?

[@FriezaSucks]

Bill, you’re a good man

[@dps1689]

"Jesus Christ, do I continue?" Yes sir!

[@tylerm0089]

Is burr's podcast released on another platform? Is it meant to be free?

[@gobservices4448]

"Playoffs??" lol. Burr is too much man