Did Everything Right and Still Got Dumped? Here’s How to Heal and Rebuild After Heartbreak

[@lesterespiritu375]

I’m going through a similar situation and I’m glad I watched this video and will watch it again. The part where you said that there are more people who never gave the relationship a shot and it’s the wound that stays forever… I found peace and solace in that statement, knowing I gave my shot at it, although the result wasn’t what I was expecting, but now I can move on and heal. Thank you, Susan! ❤

[@SusanWinter]

Lester!! Thank you for writing me. And I’m so grateful that you heard that part of my message. I haven’t seen you writing here before and I’m really appreciative that you’ve found this channel. Trust me. I’ve worked with over 6000 people at this point in individual coaching, and the longest lament that anyone has is wondering “what if? “What if I had tried harder? What if I had moved closer to them? What if I had done more to make our lives work together? When you know that you have left no stone unturned. It is easier to accept the finality because you did absolutely everything possible. Huge thanks for your great commentary and share share.😊

[@thewayyouwearit7407]

​@@SusanWinter thank you susan for all of your videos Its a such a relief to read this as a dumpee , i did my best unril the last and didn't gave up on him . ❤

[@debralondon2402]

@@lesterespiritu375 I just wish I could have been WISER on my choices at 21 and was not so naive and trusting of liars?? I just wish I had more discernment skills experience when I was younger. ESPECIALLY on the major life altering decisions choices like marriage partner and having children with?? Should have REQUIRED more evidence of the real truth and NOT just assume he was telling the truth?? Ha ha Sad. So much wrongly spent time and energy with a cute wrong man for me. Ha Nased on looks and wishful thinking and not facts in evidence???

[@debralondon2402]

We often don’t want to see the truth. They don’t even need to try to hide it from us.?Right there in front of us and we look away hoping it will change over time?? Ha ha oh it will change for sure, good gets better and bad just gets worse.

[@spoofsister]

What helped me in a similar situation was to separate the person from the circumstances: No, I did not move country for him, I did because my love was so strong. I did not learn a new language because of him but because I chose to invest in a new life. All I did was brave, strong decisions for the love I felt. And that love will not leave me because it is mine, only next time I will give it to somebody worthy of it. My love is pure gold and the fact that he did not see that does not deminish it‘s value. Feelings change, people change but you can still be proud of what you did. Not many dare.

[@SusanWinter]

WOW!!!!! You have illuminated a fantastic perspective. You've owned your experience and been in agreement with the choices you made as you were expanding in the process. I tried to explain this to people. I understand that it is perhaps a philosophy that can only be attained once you have gone through the eye of the needle and suffered the greatest heartache. But it is always for our advancement. And I believe that the ongoing loop of grief and resentment is because we have not found the gift within the situation. Thank you for sharing this @spoofsister.

[@spoofsister]

@@SusanWinter Thank you Susan, well it took some time to gain that perspective but in the end that is the best (and only) thing to do. All the best to your client.

[@SusanWinter]

@@spoofsister you are awesome. Thank you so much.

[@debralondon2402]

True

[@Matilda130_]

Sometimes We've to accept that if anything is happening even in our own life,that isn't about us always. You tried, you loved them but they still left. You did your best for them and that's enough for you. They couldn't take your love, that's about them not you. The person is gone anyways so stop blaming yourself and be kind to your soul

[@SusanWinter]

Matilda, those are wise words. Thank you for that. Isn’t it interesting how we always blame ourselves when someone else fails us. I truly appreciate reading your commentary and I thank you wholeheartedly.

[@davidcasillas285]

Don't EVER GO BACK! NOBODY IS THAT 'SPECIAL!' NOBODY!

[@SusanWinter]

Hi David!! Yes, if they don't see your worth the first time, don't wait for them to have a 'revelations' the second time.

[@marguskiis7711]

Wrong. There are the special people.

[@danepinar3506]

I think I don’t have a problem giving everything I could in a relationship. That way, if all else fails, I know I did and gave my best - no regrets, not my problem that the relationship ended. Hence, easier for me to move on. Now, when the “loop” starts spinning, there is this thing I learned when I was still studying psychology - psychological first aid. The main gist is to distract oneself from the initial intense emotions until one can gradually process everything. Plus, when the thought of “I wish we could be together again” starts lurking in my mind, I just think of WHY IT NEVER WORKED OR WHY IT HAD TO END

[@SusanWinter]

PERFECT advice. Thank you Dane!!

[@Malithi-P]

My first committed relationship was like this. I gave everything only to be dumped!!

[@SusanWinter]

I'm so sorry that that was your experience. Unfortunately, many of us have been there and not just once. This is an adjustment for us. There will always be compromising, but when we start with upfront compromises where we are giving up so much of our stability and support system, that's where we end up in a very precarious situation. Thank you for sharing your story with me and with my other followers.

[@debralondon2402]

Be thankful you were dumped early and not waste more time on the wrong person. A little hurt now is much better than a LOT of hurt later.

[@SusanWinter]

@@debralondon2402 Great advice, Debra.

[@crsantin]

Good advice. Getting help is a good step. A trained professional is best. Friends might have good intentions but they are not much help in these situations and their advice might even be harmful. Self-care is so important in these awful moments. And never go back even though it seems like you are going to die without that person and you cannot possibly go on. Time alone will allow you to start to see things for what they are. Guaranteed there were red flags that this man either ignored or did not notice. Then you start to see them. You do get stronger even though it seems like you won't.

[@SusanWinter]

This is absolutely excellent advice. Thank you so much for this comprehensive share.❤

[@naghammohamed5825]

I had the same exact situation, thoughts, emotions and feelings plus she harrased me ( sexual truma ) 4 years ago, I wish I could hear this message back then Thanks Susan ❤

[@CarlosHernandez-oj7wl]

Feel so f'n used. I can't believe this person was capable of such things. Argh!!😢 😡

[@SusanWinter]

Hi Carlos. exactly, but it is also a cautionary lesson in over giving and over compromising. I do believe in going “all in”, but balance is also important.

[@krishna335]

I know it hurts, but be glad that the wrong person is out of your way. Focus on your healing - 1 day & 1 step at a time.

[@eb2564]

This video dropped at the correct time for me😢. Thank you

[@SusanWinter]

Eb, I love reading your comment!!!! love the synchronicity thank you for letting me know

[@Incognicia]

Stop being a people pleaser. Your life will improve drastically

[@soulshimmieschannel]

i love this woman!

[@GilliMarieMoody]

Might I suggest, whether you’re into what I’m about to suggest or not: EXERCISE🏃🏽‍♀️ EVERY SINGLE DAY. I must, must, MUST do this or else, I remain completely stuck😔. Yes, it might take a few weeks of this, but, remember, please, it’s The First Part of your rehab. (Not kidding.) This is the part that gets you out of bed. GREAT LUCK🌬️❤️‍🩹🕊️.

[@KB-jl9nl]

Look back and see your mistakes,learn from them, make changes going forward,love yourself and listen to Here we go again by Whitesnake for inspiration!!!

[@marguskiis7711]

Often you did only one mistake: fell in love.

[@SusanWinter]

Hi KB. Love it -and the songs as well.

[@KB-jl9nl]

@@SusanWinter and we all love everything you do for us 😘❤️

[@SusanWinter]

@@KB-jl9nl ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥!!!!!!!!

[@fadajoana]

13 years wow...

[@MikeyP1983]

NOBODY does EVERYTHING right EVER

[@SusanWinter]

Mikey, broad stokes, yes. In this case if you listened to the video request, he gave everything to the relationship. (that was his issue) He moved to a foreign country, and made many adjustments in order to be in this 13 year relationship only to end up being dumped. That sucks. There's no way around that.

[@MikeyP1983]

@@SusanWinter that does suck ,poor guy.

[@SusanWinter]

@@MikeyP1983 Thanks Mikey. I realize I'm answering his video request months after the situation, but I did email him and hopefully he'll listen. We're all here to help each other. Thanks for your support.~!!

[@davidhill5684]

How about "Did everything wrong, and got dumped - again". How tricky it is for autistics..

[@SusanWinter]

Hi David. Yes, correct. The communication is a challenge for some couples

[@marguskiis7711]

Problem is: there are the unique people who suit only to you. The other people never suit. So, if you lose them, then you NEVER meet another. Never.

[@SusanWinter]

I understand that it can “feel“ that way… but from that mindset, it repels the possibility of new and unexpected people entering who are indeed as unique as you are. I know it’s hard to not have limited thinking if that has been your chronic experience. Trust me, I do understand. I think we need to do instead is to keep refreshing our mind to the fact that anything is possible and that we have only met one or two people that seem like a match, this is an enormous world with limitless possibilities

[@marguskiis7711]

​@SusanWinter sorry, thats a reality no one want to talk about. Living together is massively complicated task with dozens of nuances. The huge majority of couples are actually unhappy living together only for children, mortgage, social circle etc. Thats a fact. So, finding another person you are continously happy with is huge lottery, bingo a massive luck. Thats a fact! But there is a problem. Women are never satisfied. Never. They always think somewhere else, somebody else is better. Thats why they divorce a lot. After they find the new is not better then the special pride do not allow them to regret and come back. Man is ALWAYS guilty!

[@SusanWinter]

@@marguskiis7711 I hear what you are saying. And I am deeply sorry that that has been your experience. I work with men and women and with over 6000 individual clients I can tell you there are good, loving, thoughtful, wonderful women who are devoted to their man. I urge you to consider that. A constant diet of red pill/MGTOW commentary can make you think the entire world is this way and it is not. I have women who tell me there are no good men. Absolutely false.! there are wonderful, loving devoted men in this world, and there are loving devoted women. As you aptly expressed, meeting them is the challenge.