Ep. 94 | 2 Bears, 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

[@ju908]

Crazy that I would have no idea who either of these guys are without Joe rogan.....haven't listened to Rogan in legit months but I never miss an EP of 2bears or your moms house lol

[@stevenarmstrong5364]

Saame lmao

[@daniiielle4217]

Yeah I think I got a recommendation for rogan on ymh and became a mommy from there. Still remember joe asking "what's with the jeans?". 🤣

[@DAVEJONEZ1]

Same but it was once he went to spotify I quit

[@ju908]

@@DAVEJONEZ1 same here I even pay for Spotify but it jus sucks to watch podcast on

[@391angus]

@@ju908 first world problems🤣 don’t have to worry about KZbin censorship though

[@rbiouss6153]

The absolute joy and wonder in berts face as he watches a stranger get finger blasted kills me

[@Peni5Wrinkle]

The waka waka waka noise bert makes to describe how the squirt master does it Is Equally hilarious and disturbing.

[@Bittamin]

@ScAnDeLeZ watch the show

[@FrostyJokerr]

I was sitting here like “I should start making up things to fuck with people who are reading the comments early episode like this guy!” Turns out, you weren’t fucking with us. 😂😂

[@ClarktheShark91]

@@AgendaInMind someone is tik toked

[@OdinArrow28]

The look of his face had me giggling and rewinding for easily 20 minutes

[@AlanStucky]

I just appreciate the fact that you guys regularly say “I love you” to each other on this show. It’s probably really just a sign of me working through my own issue, but it just seems like a genuine expression of love between male friends that I don’t see very often in public settings. I appreciate it. Thanks.

[@Bigfluffinfluff]

I love you buddy

[@angelaseymour4464]

Yes it seems actually genuine, doesn’t it? About the ONLY phrase that Bert says that I believe. I believe Tom most times. But this sign off seems very legitimate.

[@xBoplo]

i will never not tell my best friend i love him. how could you not its your brother practically

[@patmay789]

Nadav laughing in the background is the cherry on top of the cake that makes this podcast even better.

[@bassimprovjams3772]

I know!!! That kills me !!

[@pozloadescobar]

Comedians are figuring out that they need a Stav on their podcasts. Stavros Halkias is the new laugh track

[@Phi1618033]

The name of Bart's next Netflix special: *This Is How Daddy Makes Braces.*

[@revfunk8823]

Comment of the day. Take all my money

[@zach10022]

Makin' Brace's

[@Carl_Georg]

I couldn't tell if he said braces or bracelets

[@777Snowden]

His name is Brad

[@walterplatzer8422]

Ahhh this is a way better title than razzle dazzle

[@carlupsdell759]

Burnt Chrysler was legit enjoyable to listen to this ep. Someone should give him an award every week just so that he keeps it 'humble'.

[@raidermoto8371]

Burnt Chrysler 😂

[@sativarosegold3604]

I HATE him but I actually agree.....this once

[@MrDnbForLife]

@@sativarosegold3604 Same, cant stand him, BUT! this episode was tolerable

[@jacquep2363]

YESSSS. I couldn’t agree more. GOOD WORK BERT.

[@8thlvlMage]

"People keep giving me these awards!!! I'm KILLING it, Tom." "You sure are, buddy." It's not the award making him humble. It was having to keep from drinking for his surgery.

[@kngtrdr_]

I can't believe he outed the whole mom group at his daughter's school HAHAHAHAHAHA

[@growwoodlands6121]

hes bad with secrets

[@Daniel-wv7lj]

I know I really want to hear about the aftermath! Imagine all the kids hearing their mom goes to Dr Squirts

[@37yeahbuddy]

He really can't keep secrets. He didn't even realize he said it either. The fact it stayed in the podcast is wild. I'm sure he's getting an earful from Leeann right now. He might have just ruined some marriages with that story. Hahahaha

[@giarc9047]

@@growwoodlands6121 🤣

[@nickmorris9311]

So casually too🤣

[@bunnymama6851]

"That load was like a civil rights water hose." 🤣😂🤣

[@Leslie-wb8cb]

My coffee almost came out of my nose with that one!

[@pepps1943]

☠️

[@bunnymama6851]

This whole episode was pure joy!

[@sl0ppyj0xo]

I'm glad someone else enjoyed that as much as I did 😂

[@RoTxJAKE]

i think that might be brets greatest off the top line ever

[@Jacob-zv7xw]

tom: god shes such a bummer man bert: no shit this had me crying lmao

[@SentientSandbox]

“If she doesn’t answer, it’s a yes” I fucking love Tom Segura.

[@closer20jc]

@Aaron Sanders oh christ grow up dude. Your definition of rape is very modern I suspect.

[@GymAndSun]

You guys put it up early today! I’m barely halfway through my kool aid thermo

[@kylegroezinger498]

This deserves more likes

[@robertrodriguez7997]

🤣🤣🤣

[@rhino202]

The first 64oz or the second?

[@hennesippn7145]

@@rhino202 the first 64 oz duh. He needs some more hydration for later after the 5 mile daily run

[@BrotherofLink3]

Bert realizing Adriana Czechik has reached out is the best part of this podcast hahaha

[@bobbyknuckles6380]

For a split second he thought it was gonna be like another Jen Aniston story

[@stevewilliams1838]

Burt Chrysler 😂😂

[@stevewilliams1838]

Burt Chrysler 😂😂

[@dustinwhiteside]

Their wives are such party poopers, no pun intended

[@mr.goldfish7473]

its just smart marketing on her part. She knows they will boost her viewership. Lots of overlapping fans.

[@youDude1]

You guys are the best! bums me out to think randoms are getting into Berts head. You guys have helped so many of us out through the last 18 months! you've literally saved lives, dont forget that! Love yas

[@sarahpuff108]

Facts!

[@GrrillaFinger]

Mostly Tom though

[@jonaslocao1690]

Who are these randos??

[@Daniel-wv7lj]

Love how Bart casually outs all the moms of his daughter's classmates 🤣

[@jg3752]

And then seems some what surprised someone posted his personal details on Reddit 😂

[@ryangumble1453]

The 2 of you have saved me from the depths of depression. I've been listening to you guys for over 10 years now, and I just want to say thank you. Congratulations Bert on your award, I'm going to come to your NYE show! Tom, I'm coming to your Parx Casino show in February in Philly! Love you both 🙏🏻😁🤍

[@FWbaracuss]

Lee...." I had a triple bypass" Tim....." I'm sorry that worked out man" 😂 😂 😂

[@vincentbifano]

Tim Sebulba and Burt Chrysler.

[@sandiasurfers3174]

Leann: " Can I go to Dr. Squirts?" Bert: "OK , But I'm getting a handy from a gay guy!!!!" 😂

[@calebmontague7675]

😂

[@GRANDboysENT]

The pod where Bert came out of the closet. Epic

[@girthbrooks1740]

Leann goes to Dr Squirts, Bert gets to visit Adriana Chechik....

[@Tojoblindeye]

@@girthbrooks1740 fair trade off 🤣🤣🤣

[@plantsavage9528]

Where’s the link to dr.squirts

[@DanielHettenbach1]

I love that Tom looks out for Bert. Real friends. Makes me happy. They deserve all their success.

[@HomeOnDeranged]

Wrong

[@DanielHettenbach1]

Dude. It must be rough being such a douchebag. Get help.

[@globjax7687]

@ScAnDeLeZ bro what?

[@FirehouseAuto757]

It's so crazy how connected I feel to these guys... 2b1c and ymh in general have given me so much joy in my daily life it's crazy. ❤❤❤

[@Fathom_VT]

Honest kudos to Bert for that award. It’s well deserved big boy.

[@Vance12901]

My dad made me listen to Bob and Tom every morning. Bert and Tom is so much better.

[@trinnityvidaurri3711]

3 weeks ago Marc Maron made the same comparison.

[@Dustineichorn]

I like how they talk about “dr squirt” like he’s not a prostitute

[@spencdott]

8 years at squirt school ain't cheap

[@kikib8434]

@@spencdott oh this is A HUUUUUUNDRED PERCENT the funniest comment I've seen today 😂.

[@bakerryan5672]

squirt community college is covered by some state lotteries

[@CasaFuenteOrange]

@@spencdott doesn’t take 8 years

[@d.e.d.boi228]

Thats the patriarchy

[@patricksullivan2322]

“That’s not acting, I’m hard by the way” hardest I’ve laughed in 2021😂😂😂🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

[@jo-gu4ln]

the american flags got me dead lmfao

[@grantpowell4135]

Same here lol

[@globjax7687]

The USA flags so unnecessary 😂😂😂

[@DevinMcSalty]

Tell me you say “murica” without tellin me^^^

[@deventazz8018]

@@DevinMcSalty fuck outta here with that dead tiktok meme

[@zoinksscoob6468]

Tom: this podcast took some real wild turns man Bert: I did, i did

[@chrisstcyr4995]

I read this as they said it and make it so much better

[@Eric-ue9pm]

I love how Bert will ask a question but everyone knows hes only asking because he wants to explain what he'd do. 45:33

[@danielxo8467]

I knew almost immediately Tim was gonna say “but I haven’t gotten the results yet” 🤣

[@matthewgierula5674]

Best episode in a while! I still hope someday that they make a movie where Tom plays the Fedsmoker and Bert is an FBI agent on his trail across America like Smokey and the Bandit.

[@AmandaBurns14]

Yes!! I love that idea!

[@Dane_B_Reilly]

Great idea but Id have Brett play the crazy one

[@lyndsaypistella4173]

You mean Fedsmoker would be on Bert's tail. Fedsmoker hunts the FBI

[@matthewgierula5674]

@@lyndsaypistella4173 That could work too.

[@matthewgierula5674]

@@Dane_B_Reilly Yeah, but Tom can do the impression and looks more like Conald.

[@Backcountry91]

One of my favorite parts about this podcast was summed up in this episode and it’s the part where the entire sentence is bleeped out except for the “what the fuck!”

[@rontoothaker4045]

This is my favorite podcast. Brent and Tom have the best chemistry I’ve ever seen. I wish everyday was Monday I can’t get enough of these two

[@seanphillips-FedSmk]

We can confirm this is peak 2 bears 1 cave, stars aligned full sending. Such great Material as always YMH studios podcasts crew and staff. Love you mommy👏🙌💯%

[@bighowdy60]

How many times will Tim stare at the camera because of Brent today?

[@recluse86]

Over/under is 4.5

[@thatoneguy3796]

I think Dom will stare at the camera at least a half dozen times bc of Brett

[@raynevarez1680]

10

[@balettpatkany]

We’d need to get into the mind of Bruce to be able to make an educated guess

[@valentinaosorio5391]

definitely my favorite moments

[@GRANDboysENT]

Every episode Tom is in a new form of brokenness. Tune in next week where the arm sling becomes a full body cast!

[@lukedonaghy8292]

what happened to him?

[@ClimptonDiddlehopper]

Double amputee of the left side by years end...

[@hunterjessup]

The ultimate Karma after him laughing at people get hurt on YMH for years

[@jeremiahdaniels]

They could call the DP section….. 2 Bears, 1 Cave.

[@joshisajedi2461]

Unless they are entering two different caves.

[@jeremiahdaniels]

@@joshisajedi2461 very astute observation and correction.

[@Mike_Sierra_2711]

2 Bears - 3 Caves

[@Betallink182]

2 bears 1 babe

[@eddominates]

34:41 might be the purest comedy I have ever seen. Perfect timing from Timmy

[@Illusion42]

Borts impression of his wife "You gonna cry"

[@emminor]

Bert: “I only have two things on my mind…” =the biggest lie ever told.

[@Smiley-Coyote]

And as usual he never finished telling us what those two things were.

[@NolieRavioli]

ONLY HAVE ONE-- oh ok, only have two things on my mind, one is surgery........... oh ya know about

[@Fathom_VT]

Two?? Total lie. It’s only one thing at a time lol.

[@BRLambert4]

And he over counted by two.

[@BRLambert4]

And he over counted by two.

[@HWRogue]

God damnit, 32 minutes into 2 bears and I'm hard at work....well played.

[@VideoNozoki]

Don't worry , the last 20-25 minutes will kill that boner. (◞‸◟；)

[@bpatt8617]

He might be "THE MACHINE" , but he's still just a human. Love ya Bert keep on doing your thing brother

[@jaaxxone]

I literally cry over these guy's relationship. Love it.

[@bibby1391]

Tom has a way of getting the best sponsors any podcast has ever got

[@flyinglow7218]

100 percent Leanne has been to dr squirts behind bert back

[@jonathanqueen3294]

Bart: I have one thing on my mind *switches subjects 3 times in four seconds*

[@AD-df5tm]

I would love for someone to transcribe this podcast so I could read back Bert's ramblings. In text it would be incomprehensible.

[@elvatosquatcho]

Tim Dillon and Alex Jones really let themselves go

[@kristiskinner8542]

Those 2 nutjobs never had it together in the 1st place

[@jameshenderson1498]

Bert: You took a Covid test yesterday? Tom: Yes . . . Haven’t gotten the result yet 😂

[@dakotahneal8110]

I feel like a Bert and I wish I had a friend as good a Tom. These guys have something better than their wealth.

[@dakotahneal8110]

By that, I mean the kind of thing where you're cool with slapping balls with your best friend during a DP with a pornstar.

[@WesleyB-Rook]

As a Bert myself who has a Tom best friend who I have DP’d a surprising amount of women with, I gotta say it’s very fun. Especially when the balls touch and you just laugh about it after 🤷🏻‍♂️

[@spencerdunn6933]

Just watched grown men react to porn. Maybe leading into it, the intention was humor. But it just turned into two guys watching porn. Which turned into me watching two guys watch porn.

[@BadGoyz4Life]

Now it's me reading about you watching two guys watch porn while two guys watching porn plays in the background

[@sativarosegold3604]

Did you get wood

[@mvpdjwcc6844]

But you wrote the observation down so now its science. Thank you mr scientist for this valuable data 🙏.

[@shamrrochass5255]

@@sativarosegold3604 a tingle for sure.

[@kaptinKuba]

Have a good drive to work friends!

[@julianchavez4416]

Thanks babe

[@jayblackburn3553]

You too lad

[@KrustyFish]

I don’t wanna go

[@Uchoobdood]

Thanks buddy

[@Enrique-island]

Thanks jeans

[@nulledpixel]

Keep on keeping on Bert. I'm a big fan. Screw the trolls.

[@LootenantXan]

Tom: *wheezing* "TELL NADAV HER NAME."

[@gonzodelphiki2083]

When Tom looked at Bert's phone, mid sentence, and said "No", followed by Bert picking up on Lucy from Dr Whoeverthefucks office , I laughed so hard I snotted our my nose. Even if that was a bit, it was too funny, and I don't think it was a bit. I watched it like 7 times back to back. Great podcast moment. Love you guys

[@andrewring320]

I like how Tom and Bert say “soft pitch” and Push just starts laughing like she knows 😂

[@Turntorangutan]

Bert, you rule, man. Glad you’re able to take that shit in stride.

[@8thlvlMage]

Sounds like he absolutely didn't take it in stride. Especially the one that happened years prior that he started getting mad about all over again.

[@Turntorangutan]

@@8thlvlMage way to be a nay sayer, man. You must have a lot of good things going on in your life.

[@dwavyy300]

@@Turntorangutan but you’re wrong and he’s right kmao

[@massgrave8x]

@@8thlvlMage Damn dude, way to cut someone down for a gesture of support and positivity?

[@htippett91]

Genuinely I wish I could have sent Bert a text about how much I appreciate his comedy and the fact that I watch his stand ups and podcasts whenever I'm depressed. Especially when I'm having body confidence issues. I Genuinely appreciate the way he's just himself. Dudes a role model. Not in every sense of course but Noone is, and if they are it's fake. Sorry you had to deal with cunts man. Good luck out there.

[@jackonno78]

I actually like listening to the ad reads because of watching Burnt try to read. Hilarious stuff.

[@Nuregra]

The fact that Bert IMMEDIATELY called Leeann after hearing the offer and thought it would be fine 😂😂😂

[@curtisboyce3849]

bert makes everything better. thanks, big guy

[@cotto4723]

That Bert faceswap had me ROLLING lmao

[@andrianquestell1670]

Bert is such a fun story teller. They need to animate his story telling.

[@9176michael]

worked for Ricky Gervais and Carl

[@MegaFlorest]

For all the shit we give Bert...I really enjoy him on this podcast. He's a good dude, despite being an angrily married alcoholic.

[@LimorG]

Brent: I don't want to talk about negativity Also Brent: TALKS ENDLESSLY ABOUT NEGATIVE SHIz SLOWLY GIVING INTO THE ANXIETY UNTIL DARKNESS ENVELOUPS ALL

[@notajetplane]

This is my new favorite podcast. These two together have me rolling.

[@andy1147]

This was one of the best ones in a while.

[@sleep_sounds]

That troll letter apology sounds like fan fiction that she wrote herself. Maybe not, hopefully not, but it just has that vibe to me.

[@seaofrage]

Yeah doesn't seem real. But I hope it is.

[@michaelbaldwin5368]

Bart makes Leanne sound like she’s the one who takes pool showers and wipes with her bare finger

[@harrymothowl8923]

😂😂😂

[@pauldubuis2166]

Bert looks like a surprised groundhog whenever he laughs to the point he can't breathe

[@Mr.NorteSacra916X4]

When Burnt isn’t making sense and squeal laughing then you know he’s in the money!!

[@joshuamcdaniel6731]

40 years later. “Grandpa can you tell us the story of the machine?”

[@ShredHarmonic]

Tom laughing hysterically watching that totally legitimate clip from the Machine movie is my new favorite thing

[@kyleantonini]

I watched that exact tutorial video they watched when I was in my freshman year of college, in 2007, and I used it successfully many many times over the years. It's real and it's spectacular.

[@mrhubof]

POST A LINK OR IT DOESN'T EXIST. :)

[@kyleantonini]

@@mrhubof they obviously found it in their own search there. You hear the audio. I knew it was the same one I watched in 2007 because of the massaging out the tense spots and the grapeseed oil part (which is not necessary, btw).

[@jeremyphillips3087]

@@kyleantonini DOESN'T EXIST

[@tugstanboat779]

I love the moments where Tom looks at the camera like "you seeing this shit too?" like Bugs Bunny in the Mel Blanc cartoons. He's like "Buns Bunny"

[@brynziegeman4203]

The guy texting Bert is probably Ari thinking he’s being funny

[@savannahthomas]

That crossed my mind too

[@seanmcgonigle1182]

ari is funny

[@experienceaccelerated7039]

I like how Bert proclaimed "Thats the last time Im going to hear from him, I changed my number." That fucking sounds like a challenge you moron.

[@Frecklefart-90]

@@experienceaccelerated7039 Dude, you're straight up pathetic if you take that line as a challenge. Those people deserve to have their privates clamped to electric wire, fupping pathetic is all it is.

[@sativarosegold3604]

@@experienceaccelerated7039 😆

[@iiDevonnn]

So glad I found this podcast , such a good vibe while I work

[@tannerharcus8833]

for real

[@troyswink5435]

Good vibe. The talk about people texting hateful shit to Bert and then the talk about people making rape threats. I mean usually this pod got good vibes but this one was kinda heavy

[@iiDevonnn]

@troy I meant the podcast as a whole lol not just this specific episode 🤣😂🤣

[@Morfornexs]

It's crazy, I saw "The Machine" on Facebook. Then I saw Bert on Rogan...That's how I found out about him...

[@Klayblayt]

Same here! Facebook to Rogan and found Tom from Sober October

[@sativarosegold3604]

Sorry you had to sit through that

[@drewstaples9648]

Man seeing how much Bert was effected by that POS really sucks. He is such a Genuinely good dude. So fucked up.

[@porkswordism]

Yeah man mommies mess with Burt hard but he’s like the most lovable dude. Genuinely got a good heart and is real nice to all his fans.

[@Howitchewstofeel5gum]

"Don't be the guy talking too much" Brent Krishna, 2021

[@zinny1222]

Thank you Tim, Bruce,. Navidad, Zoloft, and Enny.

[@xRamZx]

Enny's nickname is lil gargoyle

[@flying_nimbus7852]

Navidad 😂😂 thats hilarious

[@brianoconnell7266]

@@xRamZx Street Squatter?

[@MaxDeckard]

ZOLOFT 🤣

[@zinny1222]

@@xRamZx I was considering "inner city black" quoting the roach, but honestly, Enny is just so chill, laid back, and awesome as a person, I didn't wanna fuck with him at all. He honestly reminds me of my best friend a lot.

[@LukeRingin]

This has been the best episode I’ve seen in a while. You guys are the best

[@linzw9322]

"She doesn't answer, it's a yes" lmfao

[@cali562west]

Being in this hospital watching podcast is making my stay so much better thanks guys

[@mysteradio]

Tom's wife has a good sense of humor lol

[@gunargundarson1626]

Not knowing it was a sponsor, I thought Tom was addicted to I.V. drips.

[@RebornLegacy]

Lol, just shootin up vitamins all day.

[@Tnuttycomedy]

I hope Tom gets to talk today.

[@Neeboopsh]

unlikely

[@HomeOnDeranged]

I don't.

[@TheEasyLifee]

I also don't, you do know Tom has multiple podcasts where he talks for hours right? And a podcasts literally called "Tom talks"???.......Might be better suited for ya so hop on over 👍🙄

[@ismaelnogueras]

I fucking love this damn show it’s hands down the only good thing about Monday

[@stiggystone79]

Start listening to bad friends.

[@staceyderouin8603]

It makes my entire week. I ❤ these guys.

[@OT519]

I literally am in tears ...this show is a riiiiiooott

[@Utility073]

U 2 guys together is total enjoyment!!! Ty ..

[@ggarr91]

BRUH Tom telling bert “hey bitch, we’re supposed to be DPin’ this chick” 😂

[@theguywiththetail]

50:00 That's the best teaser for Bart's movie! I can't wait to see it!

[@Saigemeister]

Bert, F the haters, F allll the haters, you gotta keep workin’ on that flow. Focus on the Machine within.

[@BBYVIC650]

FREAKING LOVE YOU GUYS!!! Bert has always been my go-to/favorite comedian 😆💕💕💕💕

[@BookReviewsWithBecky]

I love hearing the guy laughing in the background!!!! 😂😂😂

[@SpeedRacerx89]

I feel like we're all a lot closer now after that tutorial...

[@73jefft]

I'm an even bigger Bert fan after this one

[@tackroachmicmoacka2348]

Everyone always complaining about Bernt Ernge's mannerisms but the best fun of this whole podcast is Bernt being himself and Tom held in a mutual hostage situation

[@johnrogers9063]

HIS NAME IS BERT*

[@JSorb]

@@johnrogers9063 no it’s not

[@OctobersOblivion]

John Rogers Brant Chrysanthemum*

[@flying_nimbus7852]

@@johnrogers9063 Barf*

[@Donnie6oh]

@@johnrogers9063 *Brent 🤨😌

[@brendanwettergreen7041]

I can’t explain it, but the white shirt blue hat combo is very visually appealing. Nice work Bert!

[@traysims4230]

Is nobody gonna mention how funny it was when Tom shows Bert the video of the guy eating and drinking?? Hilarious😂😂😂

[@christiner.5120]

I had tears over that. 🤣😂🤣

[@prestonb770]

The way Tom looks at the camera when Burt says something suspicious.

[@lionsmanexx]

👀

[@alecdrobinson]

We need the link for the Dr. Squirts video! 😂

[@jeremyphillips3087]

@@MikeT-vs5cl LINK OR STFU

[@alecdrobinson]

@@MikeT-vs5cl I’d say they’re about even

[@portlandsamber]

This episode's word count: Bert: 25,837 Tom: 12

[@jaredschuster3010]

Best part of the podcast..... Bert Smiling when Adrianna was talking Then Bert's frown when she said Chrysler

[@macq1]

I enjoy the relationship these men have. they are both great at what they do and seem genuine. Thank you.