Ep. 70 | 2 Bears, 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Become a paid channel member of YMH to experience an AD-FREE version of the show here : / @ymhstudios
SPONSORS:
- Go to Saatva.com/the... to save $225 on your order
- Go to Feetures.com/CAVE to get $10 off your first pair!
- Get your first visit absolutely free at ForHims.com/bears
- Get 15% off your order at BuyRaycon.com/...
- Go to BearbottomClot... and use code BEARS to get free shipping on your first order
- Go to FitVineWine.com to order online for delivery straight to your door
- Get 15% off plant orders of $100 with promo code CAVE at Bloomscape.com
Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer discuss the Oklahoma football player who got in a fight with an MMA fighter, Bobby Shmurda being released from prison, Jennifer Aniston's Instagram stories shouting out the Bears, Tiger Woods' car accident, possibly going on a guy's trip with Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, and more!
ymhstudios.com/
store.ymhstudi...
/ yourmomshousepodcast
/ yourmomshousepodcast

[@NoPreshNetwork]

SOMETHING SPECIAL IS COMING TO YOU BEARS YASSSSSSS GURL - CHRIS D & SAL VULCANO

[@bmoc0867]

Be sure to sign it, otherwise Burnt might get blamed for it.

[@Lydiahp]

YAAAS BABES!!!

[@4thebirds165]

THE CRAZY CAYUTE PLASTIC POOP BAG BANDITS

[@WegnerTheDeftones]

Hopefully it’s not D’Elia....

[@tylergifford9169]

I love this new pod war starting!

[@DownriverRat]

“I’m a big bar guy.” - Brent Crisis I think we all knew that.

[@delaneysays]

He acted like it was surprising lol

[@beardedrake9983]

We've already known everything he says lmao

[@stoybtorn]

It's way easier to double down than to admit your an alcoholic

[@WKRP187]

Next thing he's gonna tell us is it's hot on the Sun

[@franzpoopenschitzel3002]

@@stoybtorn Oh snap!

[@pareesa210]

As a 25 year old female, I am way too invested in the lives of 2 grown men acting like children

[@18Callahan]

I get it. Watching Bert is like watching a train wreck.

[@Foreverfrys]

30 over here! My fiance says he doesn't understand it, I told him I don't understand it either 😂

[@lilyannrose]

As an 18 year old girl, me too

[@astrologicalbum6616]

Uh hundred percent.

[@KCNicole]

36...and same! My husband is like "This is stupid." Me: "Yes it is, see you boys next week."

[@Dirtbiker463]

Bert is so confused as to why all his old frat buddies don’t act like they’re still in college lol

[@TurKishsoulja]

he was acting condescending towards them too lol

[@tapiture3720]

Comedians are just people who never grew up

[@zechariahross1444]

If Bert keeps acting like a frat boy he'll die at such a young age and leave Tom with no best friend. But maybe Tom will be kinda happy he can actually talk without being talked over. IDK

[@K0sm1cKid]

I'm sure the conversation didn't go like he said, but i'll be real I don't fucc with Yo-Yo Ma either lol

[@millardfilmore1403]

It’s because unlike them he has the luxury of pretty much doing whatever he wants because he makes a living from comedy ...

[@tactical_philanthropy]

"I'm a big bar guy. Hey, Nadav. Call that [random bar in America], I'm sure they know me." - Braunt Kerstan. Not an alcoholic.

[@charlottem.1477]

Ty.

[@Jabromosdef]

I read this as he was saying it and had a weird moment of brentception

[@rustyshack1707]

“Braunt Kerstan” lmfao I love the names people come up with for Bread Kriershaw aka Brandt Crenshaw aka Brent “Booze-bag” Khransler.

[@djrt8179]

If there's a meetup, they need to hire the biggest security guard and give him a shirt that says "For Safety"

[@a.n_9364]

👌🏻

[@franktavarez6765]

I was thinking just this when they said “we should pitch a show with jen!”

[@hmwilson84]

Warren Sapp should be the security guard with the “For Safety” shirt.

[@RoyAlexander214]

🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 @DJRT Thanks 🙏 I needed that laugh

[@charlesvail4903]

“I’m shocked I didn’t get more molested as a kid” that is prime Barf Chrysler thinking.

[@AldermachXI]

Nadav's laugh killed me XD

[@thismothafuckasaid7304]

It's Mark Normand's joke.."I was such a cute kid, I'm surprised I didn't get molested more"..."I even got insecure about my looks, after hearing other kids got molested more"

[@rorypatterson4548]

Theo Von also had a similar bit on this

[@DizzyGoat44]

More being to key word lol

[@justinburgos2927]

Then gets molested

[@rhodus333]

Congrats to "Fat Astronauts" for sweeping the Golden Globes last night. Adding Jen Anniston as the ball busting flight instructor made the film. Totally bought her commitment to safety

[@ElkRiverBiodiesel]

😂😂😂

[@RolandSpecialSauce]

@@AgendaInMind see a counselor please.

[@malcolmcamire3013]

@@AgendaInMind what's this gotta do with fat astronauts?

[@CrashRacknShoot]

@@malcolmcamire3013 just report and move on from dickheads like that.

[@scottharvey2852]

Weird thing is I agree with him but fuck knows wot it's got to do with the price of milk

[@andsykes]

Hearing Bert say “Ben Affleck” is like nails on a chalkboard

[@AdamA8]

He said it perfectly normal when he did the episode with Tom's wife.

[@andsykes]

@@AdamA8 I noticed that too!!! Did someone close to Ben finally tell Bert he’s an idiot? “No dude, you’re thinking of the insurance. It’s uh-FLECK”

[@andsykes]

@@AdamA8 er I should say, in last weeks bears episode he was saying it right

[@mjraines5159]

Ah flek

[@DevinMcSalty]

I think that’s how he pronounced his name one time on accident in an interview or someshit and bart thought it was the correct pronunciation lmaoo

[@maureacelasswell8645]

“I’m super skinny, he’s on his way” 😂

[@joecrumb2905]

hey are you talking about mike from redbar radio at 44:38?

[@無限-c6m]

MIKE MIKE MIKE

[@robertdoherty821]

I love Bert. I worked at Tempe Improv for years and the best night i had was Bert screaming through the bar about how good the steak I cooked for him was. He actually talked about it on stage for his second show. I knew I made it as a cook.

[@Angelica-rg2mf]

Bert's intelligence: a girl makes out with me when i'm 14 and she's 28 = she's twice my age, i'm now in my 40's so she's probably dead = she's still somehow twice my age, not just 14 years older than me

[@prophetableforprophet]

My initial take was that he thought that the kind of 28 year old that makes out with a 14 year old probably isn't living a long life, but... let's be real: you're probably right.

[@charlieos3451]

Yeah, I'm not buying the whole Burnt tested in the top 10% on standardized tests thing. He's a special fella tho.

[@GrayVMhan]

He said "she's close to 70" so I don't think he kept the double age in his calculation

[@WKRP187]

He's 48 so she's 62 ... He wasn't thinking she was twice his age or he would've said 90-100.... Maybe he doesn't really give a fuck about the exact numbers and doesn't analyze every sentence he says before he says it cuz that would make for a pretty fukn boring COMEDY PODCAST!!!

[@mrwilson10190]

Ur intelligence is on par with Bret's I think lol. He never came close to saying whatever hell u just said

[@smoovegutierrez541]

“It’s good to be back” Good lord, Nadav’s googling

[@sideeffect1591]

Now that song is stuck in my head. My wife is in for a treat when she gets home 😂

[@gabemeza7177]

Nadav need a raise lol

[@Bild0zer]

Where did he go?

[@rf7814]

It's a bit at this point lol

[@RoyalReyna]

@@Bild0zer I thought he needed a break from brent lol. Do you remember last week when he asked Chris to find the pizza place from Rome that he was thinking of with like no info? lol he is ridiculous

[@starzariaguy5151]

Man, I never get tired of Bert starting 20 stories and finishing none of them.

[@dylanmorgan2752]

You’ll only understand if you have a mouth that can run over 100mph.

[@dirkbowman946]

Best show on KZbin

[@djalilderr2831]

If bert was Bobby lee or andrew santino or d'Elia or callen or theo or sasso i would've been with u but nah

[@jhvibes3471]

@@djalilderr2831 he wins me over for a while then get worse

[@relaxntakecare3438]

U ever watch ryan open toys? Not bad either.

[@DtotheG92]

Tom and Bobby would have been unreal

[@yohanscold2149]

@@djalilderr2831 yeee, pretty much anyone else with Tom woulda been better.

[@thekrakenguy6962]

Well I can’t identify with the football player. I don’t go picking fights in bathrooms lol

[@well_as_an_expert_id_say]

The smaller brother going "which one you want?" in that bar fight vid is one of the most metal things I've seen this week

[@darcys9597]

Bruce is a hero, to talk fitness while wearing a hat dedicated to bacon is iconic.

[@J4themperor]

Bruce😂? Mean Bert?

[@P4PKing]

@@J4themperor Yeah, that Burnt Chrysler guy is kinda funny,

[@isntitobvious9894]

Bacon is Keto when cooked one way and high protein when cooked another. And Saturated fats are needed for proper hormonal development. Bacon is Based idc if fat people use it wrong .

[@bracejuice7955]

So weird that Burnt identifies with the entitled rich frat boys....

[@jerry341667]

That’s what I’m saying .

[@joshuanewbury9260]

Just the strangest take on that situation. People identify with the smaller guy because big frat douches usually get away with that kind of crap without consequence. Also Bert is OBSESSED with ‘cancel culture’ while simultaneously not seeming to fully understand it.

[@Spongekelp]

I hate frat boys but love Bert. What’s wrong with me

[@theirishbear_osrs]

Definitely identifying, reflecting, and realizing how lucky he was that he never came across a fighter in his frat days.

[@trevor5834]

@@Spongekelp Bert is just well spoken (in a relative sense) enough where we forget that he's essentially a frat bro in his 50s

[@sly-1429]

The lesson in the fight is don't go looking for a fight if you're not ready for a fight. And when a guy looks at his brother and says "Which one do you want?" they are ready to fight. Plus know your friends and don't let them get you caught up in their shit.

[@klekster12]

Bert might be the most clueless human that exists

[@camreonwae3613]

14:53 Bert acting like he knows what he’s talking about “he puts him in a guillotine hear” even tho its a very obvious rear naked choke lmao he can be so dumb sometimes

[@hollyedwards6066]

Maybe it comes from the "deep dive" he did because someone in the bathroom on the video calls it a guillotine.

[@williamblair-]

Here* can’t talk shit then have a spelling error Camreon. THO I 100% agree with you. Except I’d say so dumb all the time.

[@shoonger001]

"Sometimes"??? He's a moron uh hundred percent of the time...

[@camreonwae3613]

@@williamblair- fair enough lol

[@ryanmulqueen6295]

Bert sees a cliff and say I've been there I've jumped off that🤣 legend

[@reallifesupermann]

Berts take on the fight "we should Identify as the football player because I'm a piece of shit who bullies those I think won't fight back and I assume everyone does that"

[@darkyolks]

Skit idea with Jen: Go to the comedy store and do stand up with only her in the crowd. She’s laughing the whole time and keeps making you do more and more. You’re both ready to leave but she won’t let you. She has armed guards that you keep looking at whenever you want to leave but you have no choice but to keep slingin jokes and it goes on for hours

[@renclave]

Oh.

[@austin5317]

Bert and Tiger Woods surgeon: “Let’s put a pin in this”

[@havoc391]

These two loads , Ben, and Matt yeah sure. It will get an Oscar when it is filmed as “Fatback Mountain” and yes Bart you will win for best power bottom.

[@qwizzle78]

I found this because redbar totally destroyed this chump again

[@無限-c6m]

GEORGE FLOYD❤️💦

[@Hotobu]

Exhibit #5397 of how Bert sees the world fucked up: The reason why most people identify with the smaller MMA fighter is that most people aren't going around picking fights, therefore they're far more likely to be the one getting fucked with. People aren't going to identify with one person or the other based on fighting skill, it's which side they're likely to be on in a conflict.

[@ez123489]

Hes kind of right in that its more so people jumping to conclusions siding with one side when there is no clear evidence of what happened before the fight

[@Hotobu]

@@ez123489 There's no evidence only if you choose to ignore the evidence. #1 The MMA guy wiped blood off of his face before the fight. He had already been hit, and *since he obviously could have destroyed either one of them at any given time* was already holding back. #2 Only went into beast mode after getting shoved

[@ez123489]

@@Hotobu You dont know what happened before the recording is what im saying

[@Frauman]

Fucking thank you. I wish Bert had a co-host to challenge his idiotic ideas. Tom at least used to make fun of him for being a dumbass, now he's just like "yeah dude". This show is losing its entertainment factor and just turning into "wah wah cancel culture" in the same way Dr Drew After Dark has.

[@conorakapryrs]

I mean it looked pretty clear to me they were harassing the mma guy

[@sissyofFreemont]

YMH has made this pandy much easier, but now my jeans are TOO tight 👖

[@joelav91]

No such thing as to high or to tight

[@funkk]

Soooohigh as well!

[@sissyofFreemont]

@@joelav91 my tummy skin disagrees

[@jamie3653]

Try dunking. It's good for weight loss

[@sissyofFreemont]

@@jamie3653 ahhhh hundred percent true

[@andrewfoster444]

You can't help but smile with bert what a legend!!!!!! We all need a bert in our life

[@OtterWarlock]

My dream is that someday Todd and Carizma have Jennifer Aniston on YMH. "Hey Jen, have you ever met Ed Asner??"

[@TheFloresj23]

Buddy Trip sounds like a great show. Tom and Bert do cool stuff with other buddy duo’s every week.

[@theorgasmicexplosion]

Bert: “He gets him in a guillotine” It’s like this guy isn’t even friends with Joe Rogan...

[@raramcgee4982]

Joe Rogan doesn't even know what the fighters do live. I hope he isn't on tonight's cast but I know he will be. Can't wait to hear like 300 "woas" during the fight with no actual analysis.

[@jalenmoudy5347]

@@raramcgee4982 woah, almost sounds like this guy thinks he could take Joes place. surely you have over 40 years of martial art experience as well then?

[@raramcgee4982]

@@jalenmoudy5347 suck it from back Jalen. Didn't event bring up his experience. All he says is retarted shit and then dumb questions after.

[@momarkmoproblem]

'Every man has been in the situation where they have 6 inches on a guy' Pretty sure 50% of the people in those exchanges aren't the bigger guy. lol

[@Tom-cd8yd]

BRENT learns that Waist measurement =/= hip measurement. dude never ceases to amaze me.

[@stretchingstyle]

"Shmurda Kits" is genius marketing.

[@a_toofargone]

He’s going back immediately 😂

[@saydimiyashiro]

It's so awesome when they both whisper and/or giggle to wear it's inaudible

[@davidgregorious3061]

If you had listened to the damn audio on that fight, you would’ve clearly heard that the football player was definitely not trying to de-escalate the situation.

[@lilamphibian7812]

Exactly!

[@justinl718]

man they're trippin! they need to listen to the audio. bert said even he's watched it a 100 times, and still comes to that conclusion?? the mma guy already started out with a bloody nose! and spencer was definitely not trying to de-escalate. "Get the fuck outta here" and "what you got" are not de-escalating words.

[@jacetms2392]

@@justinl718 "I got your ass on the floor and took your eyesight, what you got?" XD

[@WELSHISPOWER1]

100% guy needed a slap. But if he was trained. He would of stopped , said u had enough, and shook hands and walked away. Because he is not trained he went all in with no control. Both of them. Again I don't blame them as this is what training does it teaches control. H e clearly took a punch and fair play. He needed to slap him, but not damage him that bad.

[@hahahaha-ut6ir]

@@WELSHISPOWER1 lol training does not teach control. Look at the diaz bros. Hell even khabib couldn't control his emotions after a fight he dominated. Adrenaline is a bitch.

[@TSaucey93]

This show has turned into 2 Bears, 1 Phone every week. Bert can’t go a full episode without pulling the phone out to bring the conversation to a screeching halt

[@von...]

He’s still riding the high from that snoop dogg call lmfao

[@chrisjack7857]

"see if they know who I am".....fucking hell Brent.

[@Allagi22]

Bert has been talking about getting in shape for 10 years

[@tmjackson17]

Just gonna jump in and say comminuted does not mean "open," that is indeed a compound fracture. Comminuted means multiple fragments of bone

[@x0rn312]

40:30 Tom is a genius at low key burns

[@heavenwithin81]

The way Bert pronounces Ben Affleck's last name LMAO!

[@MJ-qh2su]

The way Blunt Chrysler says Ben Affleck is music to my ears.

[@jayblackburn3553]

Tim Santa’s smile pose at 1:58 is a perfect meme template for when Bertrum says insane career-ruining shit

[@coastalflourishing]

Thought Tom's sweater said "Born Again Chris Delia," at first.

[@austinarnold155]

Should be a shirt though

[@brandonyankees1]

Bert is the only person that can run 2k miles in a year and still come out fatter

[@dinomerk9149]

🤣

[@hermessanchez7955]

Thats because its a lie...like most everything that comes out his mouth lmao

[@markvenicio8386]

Bert Christmas 🎅 sweaters probably your biggest return with your natural moe hair sweater lol 😂

[@S4lvadorHuert4]

I need to see a double-buddy movie with the Bears & Affleck/Damon

[@crhea]

No one ever answers Bert’s phone calls. I’m guessing he usually only drunk dials.

[@Mykellakeith22]

love watching brett struggle with "anatomically"

[@Mykellakeith22]

and "ardience" lol

[@marlontaylor8722]

Tom's laugh after he said "loved ones dying" is why we are all watching and listening.

[@mathewcox9371]

Omg I just realized the Tom bear in the opening graphic pokes Bert’s belly and tickles it😳🤣

[@alexgall8785]

Tim and Bart are hilarious

[@cornelius2713]

Suggestion: Two Bears movie starring Ben and Matt.

[@bback4072]

1:04:20 “Im not saying Im drinking the whole bottle” hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

[@Mkj8500]

Bruce Krisner has a point about being sure to never underestimate anyone.

[@patrickharris8846]

Can someone please take Bert's phone away from him during the show? Every time he brings it out the show comes to a crashing halt!

[@lookwhatsnext]

Bert word "nightmear" is used at 7:38 in episode 6 of Wandavision.

[@DonHorvathIII]

That manscape add 1:35 into the episode was just fantastic. Just what I was looking for after Tom reads his mattress ad for the 70th time

[@kalebcatalano118]

I would totally watch off the wagon with Bert kreischer

[@sgt-savagepritchett7729]

Listening to Bamford Chrysler try an talk about bones an their names made my skull hurt. 💀

[@antwon239]

Bert just mixes or makes up things in his head and then assumes he’s right until proven wrong lol Stop saying “Ben Afleckkkk!!!” Lmao

[@nathanmiller9918]

It's a nightmere.

[@ctdieselnut]

Its annoying.

[@trevorcarlisle5447]

We need a Bob vs Tony golf tournament

[@looneygoon4007]

God that ending was perfect

[@mason5r]

I have funning feeling berts beach story with rhe girl when he was younger was 100 percent fabricated lol

[@TRayner704]

It never gets old to hear Bruce “correct” Tom with completely false information and uh-hundred percent confidence.

[@mckdar01]

What defines Bruce is his need to define himself

[@whitestguyuknow]

Bruce's "revelations" he spends so much time describing are tough to listen through since it's all basically repeating things you already know. Yet he's repeating them over and over like he's teaching you lol

[@tannerblack5249]

Redbar

[@Dootle]

Bert literally did CrossFit lol

[@jperdue6149]

Bert not getting the cool guy comment is the best! *hits guitar riff*

[@gm6xs1976]

If yall meet Aniston it would be like throwback to, Wayne's world, with Garth all in awkward land with Kim Basinger

[@HayleyRE]

I do love it when a guy, walking around at 165#, not a big guy, not showing off, gets messed with and pulls out his MMA training. It's those undercover fighters that are always the heroes in any viral story. Also, comminuted means a bone broke in at least two places, or shattered; doesn't mean it broke thru the skin.

[@kahnsoul8295]

Watching old episodes. I would like to say throwing your hands up In the air to a trained fighter will trigger a calming feeling. Poor kid

[@ArticGrizzly]

I Fucking Love How Tom Leads Bert On

[@blakeharrison3972]

The beginning made me think about Dave Chapelle R. Kelly pissing joke

[@WhitetailStudsTV]

Can't stop watching you guys!

[@samkloman4170]

We need that Tommy V. Bert boxing match. 2 Bears 1 Ring. Once Tom is healthy of course.

[@djdavidastbury]

LOOOOOVE Bert’s bacon 🥓 hat

[@gabrielsanford7914]

What happens to the show when Bruce calls everyone in his phone?

[@kelty2424]

Lmfaoooo

[@Erik-vr2og]

“Benna Fleck”

[@gehrmanfirsthunter8646]

"Hey, Tiger, we know you're down. No more SOCCER for you, huh?" - Burnt Chrysler

[@swoosh6085]

Tom likes Bobby Shmurda cuz he thinks it makes him cool.

[@MyBaLLsBLoNg]

When Tom said “we get on the ground and start...(makes awkward head movements) I did not think he was gonna say “praying to her” haha

[@mrwilson10190]

Bo Jackson, Tiger, Bert..... These shirts should already be in production lol

[@bigtdgothgf]

I think the Anniston video you film should just be the exact shot for shot bit of how Tom told it.

[@NatoJacobs]

okay but that show would be so amazing

[@cncdan1364]

Bert would drive an automatic car with both feet. So glad Tom said something about the way he says afflec

[@immefcku1757]

Tom generates so much tourqe he can blow his knees apart trying to jump..By far the most tourqe a human has ever generated..

[@PT_Oliveira]

Now I really need ep 71

[@MCGodFatherAKAAlex]

I cant wait for the new show on the next shark week. Starring Matt Damon, Benaflec, Tom Segura & Bruce KiteShirt.

[@501austin3]

Really started the show off with a bang this episode lol loving it

[@groovyhippyman]

They finally got fitvine as a sponsor.

[@ipod1203]

Can we get a show called googling with Nadav. 😆 I would 100% watch that

[@713DT]

What up bears? You guys would be a perfect duo for an American version of this Korean show called Running Man! Think it over! 👍🏼