Lying On The Internet For Attention

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It's capping season, my dudes! In part 3 of this series, we take a look at a great collection of QUALITY lies told on the internet for attention. Enjoy!
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watch part 1 & 2:
• The Internet's Most Ob...
• Lying for Likes & Retw...
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comment "mr pibb is hell juice" if ur reading this

[@rexflamingo1037]

I texted Kurtis Conner and he texted me back and said I'm *his hero*

[@ferdavila4560]

I FORGOT THAT THE VIDEO WAS ABOUT LYING ON THE INTERNET FOR A SEC AND THOUGHT THIS WAS REAL, BYE- 💀💀💀💀

[@chaotickreg7024]

*claps*

[@carodame9419]

Wow this deserves an A pls class stand all up and clap

[@parisr.2894]

And the comment section clapped

[@SR-fq2jz]

Liar! No way that nobody clapped!

[@carpedm9846]

"Pull the plug!" "She's not on life support." "Then put her on life support and then pull the plug!!"

[@inaaya2738]

The likes are at 666-

[@lamedrawings]

Ah yes, I too watched the video.

[@kingayy9267]

@Inaaya Rathur Why do people comment things like this?

[@pichrachanahai6179]

Hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahagahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahajajjajajajahajahahahahah

[@pichrachanahai6179]

@@sylviap837 3jjejwjwjw

[@heszedjim9699]

So my son woke me up one night, in tears. I asked him why and he said, "why do people lie on the internet for clout instead of finding a hobby that could benefit mankind?" And then everyone in the starbucks clapped and the manager got arrested.

[@logicbuilder1204]

I assume the son was 1 month old.

[@cricketandgraham8644]

Nah my one day year old child woke me up in tears when I fell asleep at the cafe and umm.. and um said that and everyone clapped and congrated me..

[@timohara7717]

Bruh I said my first word at 2

[@calowenby1654]

That final sentence got me so good lol.

[@kass_G59]

So moving 🙏🏼

[@uhhhhhhhidkk]

My daughters first words were literally "For me, despair is not a goal, or a set of principles, or a lifestyle, or even an instinct... It's what defines me-” Couldn’t be happier, even if she didn’t finish the sentence. I can tell little Junko will grow up to help so many people

[@Stoopid420]

Uh oh

[@kelatitsfinest7730]

please put her down before she gets to high school

[@TheNomad94]

And then Monokuma clapped

[@uhhhhhhhidkk]

@@TheNomad94 yep. Monokuma burst into the room and started clapping

[@moistyboi7128]

Was gonna like, but you have 69 likes so I can't.

[@button9584]

Yesterday my little son told me in the middle of the night, “mother, why do people tell lies? Do they want approval from other people? Do they want to make laugh? Why? People should only lie with wholesome intentions.” My son was 3 days old

[@wxyz459]

My baby son is the fourth reincarnation of Kierkegaard 💁🏾‍♀️ do better

[@button9584]

A A Aw shoot!! Man your son sounds Sick!! :0

[@francescalewis3]

seems legit

[@daizywhitehead1688]

Oh that’s cute! I remember when my son said the exact same thing but with Gandhi quotes at only 78 minutes soooo.....

[@button9584]

Daizy Xoxo what?!?! Ok I think you’ve got us beat lol

[@dizzy4198]

when i was almost one my mom got mad at me for throwing away her sweets. then i said "my dearest mother, those sweets are not healthy." Those were my first words. She started crying tears of joy and then everybody from our apartment building came in and clapped. Later, my mom died from natural causes and i was adopted by obama.

[@JustNuggie]

I'm sorry for your loss😥😢😰😨😱😓😥😢😨😴😴😪😢😢😰😓😪😰😵😰😮😵😳😯😑😨😨😭😓😓😪😢😵😓🤤😨😰😵😵😵😰😱😨😮😧😧😫😩☹️😣😖😔😔😒😒😔😟😟😢😢😰😰😰😲😐😶😯😳😢😓😞😞😞😞😔😖😣😣🙁😒😔😔😟😞😒😴😫😑😑🤧🤧🤧🤧🤔😭😓😪😨😰😱😰😴😰😨😮😵😵😲😲

[@hamianagrande]

😔😟😕🙁☹️🥺😩😫😖😣😢😭😤😠😡🥶🥵😳🤯😱🤬😨😰😥😥😓😭😤😠🙁🥺☹️😩🙁😫😕😖😟😣😔😢😟🙁😫🙁😩☹️😩😫☹️😖😕😖😟😣😟😖😫😫🙁😩🙁😩🙁🥺🥺ok

[@pnjodaro]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@SM-qv2om]

I went to a Michelle Obama concert once. She pulled me onto the stage and we sang classic 80s rock songs together. Then she looked at me and said, "keep the change, luv" in a posh British accent. I fainted and fell and then Gwen Stefani caught me and said, "I bet the oranges are burnt, huh?" I fainted and then I fainted. True story.

[@hamianagrande]

@@SM-qv2om and then everybody clapped

[@Justmemojito]

You can recognize a lie immediately when someone says “everyone started clapping” or something similar

[@zubetp]

what if it ended with "and everybody booed me"

[@negligible_reality]

@@zubetp then i'd believe it 💀

[@Stoopid420]

"and then I saved the world from an evil alien race and everybody booed me"

[@Justmemojito]

@@zubetp depends on what the reason behind the booing is

[@lizjohnson9577]

Yeah no that’s when I know damn well it’s satire

[@AroRalseiWithADoubleSpace]

My three month old sister just asked our mom “mother, why does everybody on the internet lie about things their children say for attention?” It was so amazing because I don’t even have a sister!

[@ambored24]

"Pull the plug!" "Shes not even on life support. There is no plug to pull." "Then put her on life support and pull the plug." One of my favorite lines, probably ever

[@crypticshadows]

Ikr

[@LunaAclipse]

I’m 200% stealing that joke tho 😂

[@ana7icia]

LOL

[@Jabberwoot]

One of my favorite insults I've ever heard was "you look like if you took ugly Betty and multiplied her by holy shit"

[@DarkShadic9632]

I’m 5 years old and my 57 year old son just said his first words, he said, “Minecraft good Fortnite bad”! I can’t believe it, he’s only 57

[@smrithir.265]

My headaches just reading that lol

[@audreyxx8311]

lmfao

[@Akuma-qv5zi]

Well it it was switched saying I'm 57 and my son is 5 that would make a lot more sense so this one isnt so bad

[@arfalowarfalow2147]

OMG I'M SO PROUD OF HIM. As a fellow 5 year old parent, I know how hard it can be to raise your middle-aged children. It's such a hastle! Congratulations!

[@foxtech543]

@@Akuma-qv5zi still wouldn't make sense even if the ages were switched, since women are unable to birth children after 50-51 or sometimes in their 40's.

[@duck4738]

My 2 year old son was at a mcdonalds and the cashier told my son he's stupid and my son said "You made a mistake mortal, you do not know my power. I can invert your organs with my finger, I can destroy your life with moving my tiny eyes, your spine will collapse in 30 seconds if you do not apologize and give me the entire store for free.". Then everyone started clapping 😊

[@ChaosTheSalamander]

I love how, like, it could have been super easily explained that like, "i honestly just never put it together," or, "I'm not really familiar with how Zip Codes work" could have worked. I'm 23 and I barely know my own home address...but then they jump the shark and go the amnesia route. It's perfect

[@bri7259]

my first word was “mother my human form is limiting”

[@npc-333]

Mine too

[@crowsoto9612]

aww! mine were "I crave a sacrifice to keep my physical form in this realm"

[@BlueberryDragon13]

Mine was woo woo hoo woo. My parents were pretty concerned.

[@ghostlierbat8150]

Mine was aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[@kyocera1618]

Idk what mine was but my brothers was fuck- should've seen it coming that he curses to much and is racist and sexist and uses the r slur

[@mollyrueckel]

well *ACTUALLY* my kids first words were “hey what’s up you guys, if you’re new to my channel, what’s up how’s it going?, and if you’re coming back what’s up? how’s it going? it’s very good to see you again.”

[@melonball22]

@Molly Renee mom?

[@hayoung6227]

And everyone started clapping

[@Zarasvids]

In order huh? Impressive

[@cance.dressing]

"...See what happened happens when you subscribe to my channel...."

[@capenkongolo2001]

@@cance.dressing you get an extra greeting at the begining of every video.So subscribe to my channel...F O R A N E X T R A G R E E T I N G. F O L K S *CLAP*

[@Eclipseee_]

My sister did “technically” not talk until she was able to say phrases and names and shit, but it’s not like she was just brain dead for three years and then suddenly acquired the knowledge to speak sentences and stuff. She just didn’t like talking

[@rosegoldpineapple936]

One time my mom was pregnant with me and the hospital gave her epidural, so she was a little loopy. Well she popped the baby out and when she was signing the documents as far as what name would be, I yelled and told her “Think of the consequences before you write anything down lady.”

[@bogwife7942]

fucked up that she went ahead and named you rosegoldpineapple936 anyway

[@bandaidd_]

That is true, I was the epidural

[@user-rw4og7tg1e]

real i was the consequences

[@greyyy.tttmmmccc]

this is real i was the documents

[@sewerrat2683]

One time I was singing in the bathroom in my school. I thought that I was alone but there was a bully in the stall next to the mirror who got on top of it and recorded me singing and post it on (insert social media) everybody in the school saw it and when they saw be the next day they started clapping and praising me saying how talented I was. Then Obama came over and offered me to sing at the white House. This took place in 2014 Now, I'm doja cat

[@basicallyj3ss516]

WAIT IS THAT... THE OBAMAS?

[@lesliebb8400]

And then everyone clapped.

[@bullaro59]

You had me in the first half ngl

[@leavemychannelaloneiquit840]

WHY DONT U SAY SOOOOO?

[@TobeEvans]

Holy shit Doja Cat I love you!!1!!!11

[@finalhazard883]

I still can't believe how hilarious this dude is "Pull the plug" "She isn't on life support, there's no plug to pull" "Well put her on life support and then pull the plug"

[@jonathansoelle266]

I saw the joke coming but the delivery was fucking amazing 🤣

[@questionableadviser]

Today my paralysed deaf blind mute autistic premature 2 day old niece said her first word today (a miracle blessing from God). She said “phone bad book good” and started handing pancakes to homeless people on the floor after a hurricane while telling them to get jobs like the legless man who was using a book as an umbrella. Such an inspiring story ❤️ ❤️

[@romanceisdeadandsoismysoul]

I was the book and I can confirm the generosity your son showed, She was so kind. Truly a good man.

[@auramint]

I was the autism. I can confirm

[@BoxOfToasters]

I was the deafness. I can confirm.

[@kezi7728]

15:15 The first story (the yes I can one) honestly could be true. There are stories of kids who don’t talk until they’re older. Sometimes it’s because their parents fight a lot or sometimes because they just aren’t ready to talk. But they can talk in full sentences because they listen to others talking

[@peterberning]

but talking is more than listening and understand words. you still have to practice moving your mouth, tongue, throat, vocal chords, etc. like it's still a thing you have to practice. so sure they might say mutilple words in one "sentence" but it will be incoherent and rather garbled because they don't have the skills yet to properly control the sounds.

[@wilburtron1111]

kurtis: **literally forgets his intro** also kurtis: oh yeah i need to go back to my roots

[@pizzabitch1210]

Yes

[@casualcrisis6349]

technically he didn’t have the extra greeting in his older videos so

[@jdtoaster9498]

I’m 14 years old and my 16 year old daughter just said her first words after I gave her her first beer and she said “The government is corrupt” she’s only 5

[@hawkeyepierce8886]

So wise

[@izzieisdizzy1376]

this story is touching.

[@lixonzito2481]

that kid grew up to be Kurtis Conner

[@eefsart]

Are you- 🤢🤢 are you a-🤢🤢🤢 I cant even say it.. 🤢 are you assuming your child’s gender 🤢🤢🤢

[@jdtoaster9498]

Freckle Feather Why are you assuming I have a child

[@MegaSuper11]

I 100% believe the baby praying at the sodas at 16:22, kids that age with really christian parents do some weird religious shit all the time because the parents always cheer them on, plus the prayer sounded very much like those of some of the kids I used to babysit. In my mom's church there was a 4 or 5 year old that became known as being blessed with healing energy by god because he mimicked the mannerisms the pastor had for healing prayers on his own. Kids are very observant and love to mimick behaviour.

[@batsontoast]

When my brother was -4 he came up to me crying, and when I asked him what was wrong he said that I'm on my phone too much. And then he turned into a whale and my dog ate him. I fed my phone to the dog and then he came back alive and everyone clapped. So the lesson is don't be on your phone too much also feed it to your dog.

[@LeafELoxx]

So basicly my wife just gave birth to our hour old child and in the hospital he recited the entire book of the art of war and a bus behind us clapped like my hour year old knows this

[@aubreekersey9030]

"hour year old"

[@muki_the_coyote_17]

That makes the comment even better

[@mman6564]

He knows a little more about fighting than you do pal!

[@axolotlarson9384]

The bus _itself_ Clapped

[@user-kq7wz5mh2f]

“Pull the plug!” “She’s not on life support” “Then put her on life support and pull the plug!” 😂 😂 😂

[@tonymontes4778]

That one made me laugh real hard.. 😂😂😂

[@drowsified2782]

Woah, too bad this wasn't in the video and that we didn't hear this joke sooner!

[@HotCafeMocha]

Wait until you watch "the disastrous life of Saiki kusuo", he was teleporting to shop groceries when 1 year old. In fact, he started talking when he was 1 month old. Its his parents writing these posts.

[@fallaciouslandlord]

“my son started walking on the ceiling when he was a baby”

[@empiregaming1343]

My 8 month old daughter watched this video and looked me Dea in the eyes and said "babf bawn vook cnoo" 😭😭😭I'm so proud

[@dioxidecarbon2631]

Me first words were " According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. "

[@luka9967]

Gravity: *Why do I hear boss music*

[@liekereuvekamp6779]

Ya like jazz

[@applepi3866]

*a t s u m u t h e b e e*

[@billygladman9644]

And makes a little honey too...

[@pogchamp5276]

love that profile pic ✌️😭💕✨

[@certainlynotsav54]

“I think I would... be murdered if I didn’t do the extra greeting” ain’t that the truth

[@GreedGibbon]

go sub 2 squeebie spider hes my friend and he hates sugar

[@deqdqss]

grandma gammr hh hbhvhvh. h have to gyyy h in hb un

[@xandarosu]

Id like the comment but it has 666 likes

[@certainlynotsav54]

OwO UwU OwO yep i feel that

[@vampirecat8256]

Such foreshadowing

[@redtailarts101]

I would have believed the "I'll go to work for you" one if it was said by a 5 year old but a 1 year old?

[@EstherAller]

There are two types of learning to speak (but not like literal first words necessarily): kids who want to get the pronunication right and say single words, and those who get whole sentences out (with the caviat that probably only the parents understand them)

[@maggiew5078]

when my kid was a month old she recited the entire Bill Of Rights and the Constitution, and then obama showed up and awarded her the noble peace prize. kids are the greatest haha.

[@goombule]

My kid IS obama

[@bassproshopsnob5883]

bobebo no way! My dog is also Obama!

[@destiny8170]

Aww

[@destiny8170]

Im obama's great great great great great great grandmother

[@ipitmyshants1135]

Nobel* 🙃

[@lukewarmwater6338]

“I think I’d be murdered if I didn’t do an extra greeting.” You got that right #kurtisconnerisoverparty

[@mxlkbread7433]

Lukewarm Water Me first reply, me one year old and go to highschool and I can do algebra 1 I work for my mommy and me know how count money and I have credit card

[@shea8977]

@@mxlkbread7433 what the hell

[@mxlkbread7433]

vashta me no curse, that bad

[@CuddlePhantom]

Haha

[@CuddlePhantom]

@@mxlkbread7433 are you okay?

[@beautybarheavy]

kurtis missing the satire on the second one and doing a play by play rant was the funniest thing ever 😭🫶🏽

[@notanemovampire]

Kurtis seems like the type of person to wash his hair with a bar of soap and have it still look awesome

[@craftwire1711]

I just picked up my dog from the shelter and I tried to take a picture of him with my phone and he said “mother, we don’t need smart phones. Just be in the moment

[@mrfrogkingg]

Ugh, your dog is so polite and understanding. The first time I met my cat, he only said: " get me out of here, dumbass, I want chicken nuggies "

[@colinkeohane7006]

Its true, i was the clapped

[@icattgacha1891]

@@colinkeohane7006 sus

[@beowulf1658]

It’s true, I was the phone.

[@gray.2081]

It’s true, I was the dog

[@invalidpersn4496]

“Put her on life support and pull the plug” I’m using this as a threat

[@clarity2517]

Samesies

[@elizabethj3308]

😂😂😂

[@notmaddi6712]

i will actually start saying this

[@babeofmoss]

This still slaps 4 years later. Thank you Kurt 🙏

[@theresivy]

9:35 that my wife reference joke didnt age well lol

[@Verze4826]

why its from the movie borat

[@marissawilder4587]

"oh my God, pull the plug" "Wh... She's not even on life support, she-" "WELL THEN PUT HER ON LIFE SUPPORT AND PULL THE PLUG"

[@Gabby-kb9vv]

I lost it at this point 😂😂😂

[@delraveravioli5264]

Whaaattt, we watched the same video, no way

[@marissawilder4587]

@@delraveravioli5264 I'm just saying that this part was funny.. lol

[@Hardstool]

Omg my 2 month old actually started babbling so i took out my camera and recorded her and she said "A 3.5-ounce (100-gram) serving of chicken breast provides 165 calories, 31 grams of protein and 3.6 grams of fat (1). That means that approximately 80% of the calories in chicken breast come from protein, and 20% come from fat." im such a proud mama!! unfortunately i tripped over frozen gluten free pancake mix and my phone flew out my hands and all the way to ibiza so its a shame i lost the video but im still a proud mama!

[@rottingfleshbreadstick7768]

Omg rlly?! My son said the whole bee movie script, but when he was done my camera flew out of mii hands and down the stairs it deletep it self... 😟😞😖🙁😭😢😩😧😦😨😵😬😰😨😱😦🙁😔😒😕😲😳😨😖😟😖😖😨😤😢😭😬😠😡😞😧😧🤯

[@jordynsucks7559]

What a blessing 👍😊

[@ryleighbark7353]

what a gift from our lord and savior, god straight from heven 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🥰🥰🥰 i give my blessings to you and your child 👼👼👼👼👼👼👼👼👼👼👼👼👼

[@bobacloud7039]

so blessed 🤩

[@Kirill-rc5ng]

omg my SON INVENTED RUNNING ACTUALLY

[@bruise667]

4 years ago and still slaps

[@sophiadiaz8967]

I love how some people think nobody will suspect a thing

[@kindredkate8940]

My sweetie’s first words were: “My mommy, Karen, is the prettiest, most bestest mommy in the world! *_ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ᴠᴀᴄᴄɪɴᴀᴛᴇ ᴍᴇ... I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴇᴀsʟᴇs, ᴀɴᴅ I’ᴍ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴅɪᴇ_* .” I was going to disown her, but she died before I got the chance to.

[@thetrashiesttrash9120]

This made me very happy

[@therealslimshitty5186]

@@lordsnek *sigh*

[@lordsnek]

@@therealslimshitty5186 Yeah I know I'm taking things literally, sorry.

[@gyuisthebeom]

Dang man

[@kindredkate8940]

Lord SNEK You do be kinda right doe. 😰

[@OrchidJaddles]

Im 12 and my 14 year old son said his first words. They were "the cure for cancer is..." He didn't get to finish bc he died. He turns 15 this month. Ima get him a motorcycle.

[@Equa11ysurl]

It’s true, I was the motorcycle.

[@blitzyblook3315]

its true i am the son

[@ericaploof998]

It's true I was the cure for cancer

[@thisurldoesnotexist]

Did he die in a motorcycle accident

[@aeyakieduenas1331]

It's true, I am cancer (I just realized this was a pun because my sign is cancer)

[@koolkat9139]

i woke up from my deep sleep just to hear my 100 year old speak his first words!!!!! "mother i find it dehumanizing to feed these strange white fluids we call "breast milk" into children's mouths. This is very disturbing to me and i would appreciate if I could feed myself and be independent. i believe that this would benefit my perseverance and prepare me for my near future as a independent man. I appreciate you taking the time to listen to this speech and I do hope you consider this proposal. " he's only 7 seconds old!!!🥺🥺🥺

[@AzaelRulz]

I HATE those social media accounts that literally survive off of using a filter, but what i hate even more is the ones that do that, but defend the filter and try to prove its not a filter but that they have some sort of abnormality even though it's obviously a filter.

[@RockUnicornCorn]

5:46 whenever Kurtis says "fishy" all I hear in my head is "fishy fishy fishy makin' it stinkeyy"

[@anureet123]

I was looking for a comment about this 😂😂😂

[@abbysykes6673]

You're my hero

[@frogreadingabook]

god i can hear him pressing the button for this on the soundboard now haha

[@pssd-ff-dth-grps-fn8797]

Oop fish in the mouth

[@RockUnicornCorn]

@@frogreadingabook I love your name

[@urlocalghostwithanxiety6279]

“Put her on life support and pull the plug!” - kurtis conner 2019

[@TheGamevan]

yeah

[@veronica_editig3698]

My puppy just told me “how do we feel love? Are emotions real? We all exist for a reason? Right?” And then started to rap the entirety of every will wood song, my puppy is one day old.

[@Jeffrey_LOL-vi9wy]

When I was -1 I told my mom “mother, Speech is a human vocal communication using language. Each language uses phonetic combinations of vowel and consonant sounds that form the sound of its words (that is, all English words sound different from all French words, even if they are the same word, e.g., "role" or "hotel"), and using those words in their semantic character as words in the lexicon of a language according to the syntactic constraints that govern lexical words' function in a sentence. In speaking, speakers perform many different intentional speech acts, e.g., informing, declaring, asking, persuading, directing, and can use enunciation, intonation, degrees of loudness, tempo, and other non-representational or paralinguistic aspects of vocalization to convey meaning. In their speech, speakers also unintentionally communicate many aspects of their social position such as sex, age, place of origin (through accent), physical states (alertness and sleepiness, vigor or weakness, health or illness), psychological states (emotions or moods), physico-psychological states (sobriety or drunkenness, normal consciousness and trance states), education or experience, and the like.“ Then the people on the plane flying towards our building started clapping

[@teeveeee]

Today my 1 year old finally spoke, his words were "We live in a society-"

[@ssssSTopmotion]

Im14andthisisdeep

[@ryannw315]

@@ssssSTopmotion same bru

[@leaiga-riverhills7674]

*This bitch empty* My first words-

[@kermitthefrog459]

Get a load of this society

[@baddierater8214]

@@kermitthefrog459 call 911 immediately

[@justinbellman]

My baby's first words were "What's up, how's it goin?" And his second words were "What's up, how's it goin?" Then everyone in Kurtistown clapped

[@michaelkeating9624]

What a beautiful true story that definitely really happened 😂😂😂

[@megamozaik]

I hope you subscribed to your baby for those second words.

[@justinbellman]

@@megamozaik How do you think I got him to say them in the first place

[@maddyporter36]

That really happened, I was the baby's diaper..

[@skyecristina5572]

All the folks* in Kurtistown clapped

[@ivycantthinkofaname4303]

10:59 people do sometimes have cameras in classrooms, but my school has cameras literally everywhere else. I don't know why, but there are cameras in every room (even outdoors) just not the classrooms.

[@quas3r__]

that kid praying at the pibb cross really took "and i pray to my fountain of slush" to a whole new level

[@oliviamgreenwood]

My brothers first words were: *"Mother I would greatly appreciate if you would buy a baked good with lots of carbohydrates shaped as a circle please."*

[@quinnthesis3698]

Is that an Odd1sOut reference

[@Daisy-vg7ci]

James ✋😌

[@oliviamgreenwood]

Yes to both.

[@LavroseRovender]

Dango G yes

[@icantsing2492]

Cuuki

[@zora1138]

My 1 year old daughter just said her first words! She rapped the entire Hamilton musical! And she did the choreography! And the entire country started clapping! Then some government agents came and took her away for testing or something. Hopefully they'll give her back at some point.

[@swag6023]

Hamilton LMAO

[@jacksibjo4944]

Best one yet

[@froggycheckers]

It's true, I was there. Btw love your profile picture, happy Pride!

[@jackkoscak8501]

Lmfao dude holy shit Btw I love that pfp. Happy pride month!!

[@froggycheckers]

@@jackkoscak8501 Happy Pride!! 🌈🌈

[@AAAAAAAAAAAA4AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA]

4:52 I been to an aquarium where you can pet sharks,it was really fun and the sharks were pretty chill

[@Gossamaggs]

It drives me crazy to see these kinds of lies because most of them I can think of a way to tell basically the same story and have it more be way more convincing. These people lie and they aren't even GOOD at it

[@zaystation.]

I was playing with my 1 year old (F), and she said "this is your heart." So I said "what are you made of?"and she replied with " Water (35L), Carbon (20Kg), Ammonia (4L), Lime (1.5Kg), Phosphorus (800g), Salt (250g), Saltpeter (100g), Sulfer (80g), Flourine (7.5g), Iron (5g), Silicone (8g), and 15 traces of other elements!" Wow. Sometimes they teach you a thing or two!

[@xAporia]

LMAO

[@ninaveina]

at least now you know that if you ever die she will probably be able to bring you back with alchemy 😌😌

[@s4ilor.m3rcury35]

so smart 🤩

[@maya-bx3vq]

Why'd I say Fahrenheit for f next to 1yo. I don’t even use Fahrenheit I’m Canadian

[@xexpaguette]

@@maya-bx3vq it means female. Fahrenheit is F°

[@bayklingender1269]

'I'm as naked as the day I was born' Kurtis was born with a chain and a nose piercing confirmed

[@bleucat3119]

Yeah I mean weren’t you?

[@rainbowunicornmilkshake]

*nakey

[@analouise6504]

bay anslie correction nakey

[@idiot6218]

and all of his tattoos

[@jhaneilbarnett1451]

And tattoos

[@wynsik]

My child’s first word was the entirety of “Godzilla” by Eminem.

[@trilltx214]

I live for this man’s glow up 🥲. Chill ik he just grew out his hair and mustache 😂 but still.

[@iinamorata]

My first words as a baby were "comrade, let's abolish the government."

[@razzledazzledorito2588]

:O mine too

[@SM-qv2om]

my first words were: Союз нерушимый республик свободных Сплотила навеки Великая Русь. Да здравствует созданный волей народов Единый, могучий Советский Союз! Славься, Отечество наше свободное, Дружбы, народов надежный оплот! Знамя советское, знамя народное Пусть от победы, к победе ведет! Сквозь грозы сияло нам солнце свободы, И Ленин великий нам путь озарил. Нас вырастил Сталин - на верность народу На труд и на подвиги нас вдохновил. Славься, Отечество чаше свободное, Счастья народов надежный оплот! Знамя советское, знамя народное Пусть от победы к победе ведет! Skvoz grozy siialo nam solntse svobody, I Lenin velikij nam put ozaril. Nas vyrastil Stalin - na vernost narodu Na trud i na podvigi nas vdokhnovil. Slavsia, Otechestvo chashe svobodnoe, Schastia narodov nadezhnyj oplot! Znamia sovetskoe, znamia narodnoe Pust ot pobedy k pobede vedet! Мы армию нашу растили в сраженьях, Захватчиков подлых с дороги сметем! Мы в битвах решаем судьбу поколений, Мы к славе Отчизну свою поведем! Славься, Отечество наше свободное, Славы народов надежный оплот! Знамя советское, знамя народное Пусть от победы к победе ведет

[@XX_CUTECAT_XX]

My first words were: "hey man I'm gunna tear your eyes out!"

[@mrfrogkingg]

Mine were : "I'm WAY too sleep deprived to deal with your negativity right now." And then everyone in Singapore came to my house and screamed as 456 Alexas played Africa by Toto.

[@susanthefish8940]

Mine was, "Assemble dear comrades, we have to take over." Yeah, I am reborn as Karl Marx.

[@therealplaguerat]

Oh my god👏My 1 day old child just sang Rap God by Eminem and everybody in the hospital clapped😜👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@sincerealev]

It's true, I was the hospital

[@Equa11ysurl]

It's true, I was the hands of the people clapping Edit: I clicked on this comment and forgot I made this reply. Hello people.

[@yeesmchaw5852]

It's true, I'm Eminem

[@natasha8007]

It’s true, I was the rapping baby.

[@describingtrashislikedescr5510]

It's true, I was the hospital bed

[@graciehatton2828]

Some schools do have cameras and security guards. I went to a high school in Ohio that had so many students and a lot of "bad kids" so there were multiple security guards per floor. Was kinda crazy... Students would straight up get arrested and taken out during school.

[@Leah-up8pm]

We have a little camera control room too. We have wavy hallways for safety too but it's so frustrating for students w certain disabilities

[@millicentgarciameiring9713]

Not talking can be a sign of autism. My sister is an autistic perfectionist and she did this with her first words (I don’t remember what they were). She also wouldn’t walk until she could run. And she was much older than other kids were when they started talking, I think like 3

[@melissabelissa]

the eye bit made me cry so hard that a whole bus drove past and clapped

[@melaniebaez6310]

JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA LPM

[@mtak160]

Dude that’s crazy the exact same thing happened to me

[@wdse24]

Are you lying too now?

[@thegoods7011]

@@wdse24 r/wooosh?

[@wdse24]

@@thegoods7011 double wooosh i was joking too

[@scornonthecob5375]

You know, Kurtis is so generous with his extra greetings. But do we, residents of Kurtistown, ever reciprocate our mayor’s kindness? No. So, Kurtis... What’s up? How are you? I hope you’re doing well, dude.

[@arsonleblanc2005]

I was the 69th like and I'm happy

[@nunbun4084]

:)

[@ariv1813]

@@arsonleblanc2005 wtf i liked this and it said 190 and them i opened the replies and it said 227 what

[@cool-zd3ev]

Ellie Muskens y’all my citizens woke me up out of my sleep crying and said ‘kurtis ik you tired of giving extra greetings trying to make it better for me and my fellow citizens. We will greet you today’ how are YOU doing kurtis

[@CapuchinoProduccions]

666, delightfully devilish Seymour.

[@theadaunicorn]

the section about kids not talking until they could form sentences is a real thing- my parents say I did it. I refused to say anything beyond their names for so long they almost brought me to speech therapy. Then (according to my parents) I one day woke up and started using full sentences

[@amorekoos]

*girl wakes up after surgery* “where’s kurtis conner?” “he didn’t tell you?” “what?” “who do you think gave you the facetune eyes?”

[@Ame_Katze]

*girl begins crying*

[@nietts]

:'-(

[@jennys43]

Then after that day, she prayed to her cross made out of pepsi

[@lemonycatapult7300]

Then everyone in the hospital clapped 👏🏼 💯

[@xzielaz]

Nagito Komaeda haha like if you v I b e d

[@Ana-sh5ps]

My baby’s first words were: The fitness gram pacer test is a multi stage aerobic capacity test...

[@Smartfellafartsmella]

Jackspedicey????

[@Ana-sh5ps]

@@louise4815 lmao

[@apathysatragedy3114]

I actually liked PE, but even I agree the pacer test SUCKS BALLS

[@mcr5truther]

Emily Jeska I still have to take the pacer test. One of my friends got the record, but she CHEATED! We all saw it.

[@scrambledeggs1677]

throw the whole baby away

[@horrorchick793]

My son just said "Mama" and "Mee-yewk", as in "Mother! Get me some milk, now!!" I thought it was very appropriate and cute as hell. LOL

[@AvocadoToast06]

3:11 I love how obvious this moment makes the fact that Kurtis just got back from a nation-wide tour with Danny and Drew, cause that aggressive pointing and baby talk is such Danny humour I love it

[@cassiefromooo]

This morning, my 2 year old son saw a woman refusing to wear a mask in Del Taco, so he stood up and said 'Do not call me handsome, if you ain't gonna hand me some of that badonkydonk!' Everyone clapped and the barista gave us free cappuccinos for life! #proudmom

[@rqyzilla1534]

LMAOO

[@m30w66]

Omg so brave

[@xav6969]

@@rqyzilla1534 i see you in most of these comments this is amazing

[@originalname2835]

It's true I'm the cashier

[@chebic5095]

@@originalname2835 I was the badonkydonk

[@nolandailey3362]

My baby said his first words at the young age of 2 months! The first thing he EVER said was “e=mc^2”! He grew up to be Leonardo Da Vinci. I’m so proud of him!!! 😊😊😊

[@gingerbread9691]

Nolan Dailey My child’s first words were mooooooo he grew up to be a cow, last month we gave him to a farm and everybody clapped

[@Hermanator1124]

@@gingerbread9691 must've been delicious to eat your own kid and drink his nice nice milk

[@mynameisnotlisa]

It was Einstein's formula...

[@user-mz6et6fr1r]

@@mynameisnotlisa r/woooosh

[@shouto6176]

@@mynameisnotlisa r/woooooooooosh

[@madie1656]

the only security camera i’ve seen in a classroom was when my math teacher was fired for accusations of sexualizing a minor, so if that’s the case that school needs help

[@thatdogisjet2892]

12:54 i love how he didnt even take the chain off

[@jkhasjfkdbj4590]

when your baby's first sentence is the declaration of independence

[@elisemark6393]

Lmao

[@thunderthais]

I do declare -Michael Scott -baby

[@grocket9520]

Hate when that happens

[@fynntasticmovienight]

What a weird sentence to read while high

[@mzee5226]

The Declaration of Independence is not a sentence

[@Kyte_VaNa]

When Kurtis forgot the folks and the extra greeting: :( When Editing Kurtis remembered: :)

[@Yutaaaaaa]

That extra greeting makes me happy :’)

[@cadengraf791]

when Kurtis puts glasses on : :) aha get it like four eyes cause glasses

[@oneshotonehit6731]

relief, am I right)

[@marilia0607]

I can go without the "folks 👏", but not without my extra greeting! 🥺

[@abuafreed6308]

Kyte VaNa 4 eyes lol

[@greyyy.tttmmmccc]

once my plushies came to life and i hugged them all day. one of them came up to me and asked, "mother may I please consume a pop tart for sustenance?" and i said "nooo thats unhealthy" then they had a violent seizure and an eagle came into my room carrying a kangaroo. the kangaroo started singing Rap God by Eminem. it was 1482 and the industrial revolution was happening in my closet.

[@GbyJrd]

All of the schools I’ve been to (in England) have had cameras in the classrooms incase of students fighting ( could involve knives ), drug use/vaping, vandalism, theft and that sort of stuff

[@HarriWasHere]

Guys her eyes are obviously just from a surgery from a bad accident she had when she was 7 like it's a bit obvious y'all smh

[@clara-md3qp]

Obviously. I got into a car accident last year and now I have anime eyes.

[@clara-md3qp]

@I am a bot uwu thank you kind sir

[@HarriWasHere]

@@clara-md3qp so sorry to hear. My cousin was mugged and hit in the face with a bat and now her eyes are massive anime style eyes after many surgeries

[@be_kind_to_bees8676]

Mom:he’s saying his first word Baby:m-m-mitochondria is the power house of the cell

[@wordyweirdo8581]

This made my morning. Thank you.

[@TP-tg8cc]

Gosh dang it

[@sixteenbells]

And everybody clapped

[@waylonwaylon5513]

The mighty nugget Never lies but you never lie!

[@sadieb27]

do people actually find this funny

[@admin-ji2pu]

11:50 It is 3 in the morning. You cannot be doing this to me

[@gracetaylor2767]

10:47 THIS HAS BEEN ON MY PINTEREST FEED SO MUCH, THANK YOU FOR POINTING IT OUT

[@boyes15]

My first words were "The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start." Crazy right?

[@lune4089]

I would throw you away and run as fast as I could after filling the trash can you were in with holy water, cause you must’ve been the spawn of Satan. That thing gave me PTSD.

[@ElpSmith]

Your birth sounds like a terrifying experience

[@cerisakatchmart3604]

@@lune4089 same. That kills the heck out of me

[@JennaLeigh]

"Kids who don't speak until they can recite an entire lengthy ad are the fucking best."

[@doomergirl6012]

We called it just beep test in school. And we wanted to kill the teacher

[@noriakikakyoinakamilfhunte3540]

Haha my cat's first words were "Sister, i require §ū§țāňåñčə," so cute!

[@napalmeris]

@@iogdavhd4icafhvnonsense540 Dude it's a joke.

[@napalmeris]

@@iogdavhd4icafhvnonsense540 😑

[@plankton1547]

Dam my cats first word was woof, you have a way cooler cat

[@hufflepuffhorcrux3269]

Have you tried putting your cat in rice

[@alixthegod7398]

The first words of my cat were “FOOD CONSUMPTION T I M E”, I’m so happy for you 🥰😄

[@sillyname3969]

my mom always told me that i started talking later than most kids, but when i did i was speaking full sentences. granted, they werent as profound and exquisite as the ones in the video, and i think its an autism thing, but still

[@anniedavis8946]

once had a girl in biology back in high school tell the whole class when we learned about cones and rods in our eyes that hers must retract into her eyeballs randomly since she sometimes can only see in black and white or loses vision entirely. the teacher was like... huh.

[@twiggyzaza]

When Kurtis is so disoriented after tour that he almost forgets the extra greeting

[@TheGamevan]

yeah

[@Lee-wf4kr]

So true, poor Kurt =(

[@robertlopez2052]

“There are no security cameras in schools” *Cries in American*

[@zombieboyx165]

STARKID

[@mars5881]

Chandler Animated YES

[@ef4253]

I got confused for a sec cuz I was like ...uh yeah there are

[@jordanmorrison4060]

@@ef4253 Not in the actual classroom. Just the halls. They can't put any in the classrooms.

[@vermillion6805]

Atomic Duck556 they put them in classrooms in my school

[@pania6544]

when the messanger app notification went of in the video my mum came rushing in here asking if her phones in here and everyone applaud

[@cellytron]

Thank you for your use of the proper name for the stuff that kid was praying to. It’s pop. Thank you.

[@cloverdeityhearted8729]

nobody: kurtis in the hospital bed: 👁 👁 👄

[@remlezar9397]

Star Android funni stuf

[@cloverdeityhearted8729]

Sad Trophy Wife thanks i just my BFA (Bachelor of Funny Arts) from clown college last year

[@letmetakeajormungandrattha8591]

It haunts my dreams

[@myagamingkat]

A mouth emoji?

[@parkchimmin7913]

Mya Gaming Kat 👁 👅 👁

[@graceholland5770]

Fun Fact about Kurtis: He was born wearing a nose ring and a necklace.

[@sleepingnoya5641]

And tattoos

[@anotakulynx6187]

I’m not surprised.

[@nothingfordarkness]

Mr Lonely where’s his necklace in this video?

[@orangepotato862]

Nothing for Darkness 12:49

[@yaboidawg558]

kpop trash lol

[@denisravenue4059]

It’s absolutely killing me that no one mentioned that the mr pibb crosses are physically impossible. Like the boxes are floating there in midair which means the person made their kid take a picture in front of a regular stack of soda boxes

[@Sapphosroommate]

They tape empty boxes together. I’ve seen them do it

[@sazaaaam]

My son was only a week old when he said "never gonna give you up,never gonna let you down,never gonna run around and desert you,never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye,never gonna tell a lie and hurt you" everyone in the neighborhood clapped.

[@Ifmdvjgoo]

wow 😍

[@ruewest5828]

I did not just get rickrolled by a fucking comment i-

[@KingOfGaymes]

Pfp checks out

[@swan8803]

And Rick Astley came and clapped

[@dragonfly._.doodles]

Yes

[@MicMcBallin]

My babies first word was actually “The Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell”

[@rowan2086]

Beast Burchett lol this is unrelated but once at the end of my school year we had to do a reflection of what we learned. i just answered “the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell” no cap

[@Jackson_the_king66]

Isn’t that everyone’s

[@princeleo1041]

I said every word in the dictionary when I was 4

[@sorellfart2700]

this was by far the best comment i’ve ever seen

[@izzy350]

I-