Lying On The Internet For Attention

[@rexflamingo1037]

I texted Kurtis Conner and he texted me back and said I'm *his hero*

[@ferdavila4560]

I FORGOT THAT THE VIDEO WAS ABOUT LYING ON THE INTERNET FOR A SEC AND THOUGHT THIS WAS REAL, BYE- 💀💀💀💀

[@chaotickreg7024]

*claps*

[@carodame9419]

Wow this deserves an A pls class stand all up and clap

[@parisr.2894]

And the comment section clapped

[@SR-fq2jz]

Liar! No way that nobody clapped!

[@eddieee2]

me: *wakes up from surgery* me: where's kurtis? doctor: who do you think gave you the extra greeting? me: :,(

[@peachpit4461]

Eddieee this sent me omfg

[@katierundle9469]

who do u fink gave u the teef

[@straybeans143]

Best comment I've seen in a long time 😅

[@liv6250]

Number one comment of all time, this needs to be pinned

[@EvelynCrawfordURL]

This is everything to me

[@mollyrueckel]

well *ACTUALLY* my kids first words were “hey what’s up you guys, if you’re new to my channel, what’s up how’s it going?, and if you’re coming back what’s up? how’s it going? it’s very good to see you again.”

[@mellowlemons22]

@Molly Renee mom?

[@hayoung6227]

And everyone started clapping

[@Zazabazaa]

In order huh? Impressive

[@cance.dressing]

"...See what happened happens when you subscribe to my channel...."

[@capenkongolo2001]

@@cance.dressing you get an extra greeting at the begining of every video.So subscribe to my channel...F O R A N E X T R A G R E E T I N G. F O L K S *CLAP*

[@heszedjim9699]

So my son woke me up one night, in tears. I asked him why and he said, "why do people lie on the internet for clout instead of finding a hobby that could benefit mankind?" And then everyone in the starbucks clapped and the manager got arrested.

[@logicbuilder1204]

I assume the son was 1 month old.

[@cricketandgraham8644]

Nah my one day year old child woke me up in tears when I fell asleep at the cafe and umm.. and um said that and everyone clapped and congrated me..

[@timohara7717]

Bruh I said my first word at 2

[@calowenby1654]

That final sentence got me so good lol.

[@kass_G59]

So moving 🙏🏼

[@Kyte_VaNa]

When Kurtis forgot the folks and the extra greeting: :( When Editing Kurtis remembered: :)

[@Yutaaaaaa]

That extra greeting makes me happy :’)

[@cadengraf791]

when Kurtis puts glasses on : :) aha get it like four eyes cause glasses

[@oneshotonehit6731]

relief, am I right)

[@M4rili4]

I can go without the "folks 👏", but not without my extra greeting! 🥺

[@abuafreed6308]

Kyte VaNa 4 eyes lol

[@certainlynotsav54]

“I think I would... be murdered if I didn’t do the extra greeting” ain’t that the truth

[@GreedGibbon]

go sub 2 squeebie spider hes my friend and he hates sugar

[@deqdqss]

grandma gammr hh hbhvhvh. h have to gyyy h in hb un

[@xandarosu]

Id like the comment but it has 666 likes

[@certainlynotsav54]

OwO UwU OwO yep i feel that

[@vampirecat8256]

Such foreshadowing

[@button9584]

Yesterday my little son told me in the middle of the night, “mother, why do people tell lies? Do they want approval from other people? Do they want to make laugh? Why? People should only lie with wholesome intentions.” My son was 3 days old

[@wxyz459]

My baby son is the fourth reincarnation of Kierkegaard 💁🏾‍♀️ do better

[@button9584]

A A Aw shoot!! Man your son sounds Sick!! :0

[@francescalewis3]

seems legit

[@daizywhitehead1688]

Oh that’s cute! I remember when my son said the exact same thing but with Gandhi quotes at only 78 minutes soooo.....

[@button9584]

Daizy Xoxo what?!?! Ok I think you’ve got us beat lol

[@Justmemojito]

You can recognize a lie immediately when someone says “everyone started clapping” or something similar

[@zubetp]

what if it ended with "and everybody booed me"

[@negligible_reality]

@@zubetp then i'd believe it 💀

[@Stoopid420]

"and then I saved the world from an evil alien race and everybody booed me"

[@Justmemojito]

@@zubetp depends on what the reason behind the booing is

[@DrewPNeck]

Yeah no that’s when I know damn well it’s satire

[@dizzy4198]

when i was almost one my mom got mad at me for throwing away her sweets. then i said "my dearest mother, those sweets are not healthy." Those were my first words. She started crying tears of joy and then everybody from our apartment building came in and clapped. Later, my mom died from natural causes and i was adopted by obama.

[@JustNuggie]

I'm sorry for your loss😥😢😰😨😱😓😥😢😨😴😴😪😢😢😰😓😪😰😵😰😮😵😳😯😑😨😨😭😓😓😪😢😵😓🤤😨😰😵😵😵😰😱😨😮😧😧😫😩☹️😣😖😔😔😒😒😔😟😟😢😢😰😰😰😲😐😶😯😳😢😓😞😞😞😞😔😖😣😣🙁😒😔😔😟😞😒😴😫😑😑🤧🤧🤧🤧🤔😭😓😪😨😰😱😰😴😰😨😮😵😵😲😲

[@hamianagrande]

😔😟😕🙁☹️🥺😩😫😖😣😢😭😤😠😡🥶🥵😳🤯😱🤬😨😰😥😥😓😭😤😠🙁🥺☹️😩🙁😫😕😖😟😣😔😢😟🙁😫🙁😩☹️😩😫☹️😖😕😖😟😣😟😖😫😫🙁😩🙁😩🙁🥺🥺ok

[@pnjodaro]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@SM-qv2om]

I went to a Michelle Obama concert once. She pulled me onto the stage and we sang classic 80s rock songs together. Then she looked at me and said, "keep the change, luv" in a posh British accent. I fainted and fell and then Gwen Stefani caught me and said, "I bet the oranges are burnt, huh?" I fainted and then I fainted. True story.

[@hamianagrande]

@@SM-qv2om and then everybody clapped

[@invalidpersn4496]

“Put her on life support and pull the plug” I’m using this as a threat

[@clarity2517]

Samesies

[@elizabethj3308]

😂😂😂

[@notlana13]

i will actually start saying this

[@alejandramartinez6581]

Kurtis’ skits are the funniest thing ever: “To baby or not to baby” 😂😂

[@Rose-y1g3e]

"PuT HeR On LiFe SUpPOrt AnD PUlL ThE PlUg"

[@izzy5764]

@@Rose-y1g3e this was the best. Ever. 😂

[@dolphin8397]

That wasn’t a skit he was actually telling a story about his babies first words

[@lolidk127]

My daughters first words were literally "For me, despair is not a goal, or a set of principles, or a lifestyle, or even an instinct... It's what defines me-” Couldn’t be happier, even if she didn’t finish the sentence. I can tell little Junko will grow up to help so many people

[@Stoopid420]

Uh oh

[@kelatitsfinest7730]

please put her down before she gets to high school

[@TheNomad94]

And then Monokuma clapped

[@lolidk127]

@@TheNomad94 yep. Monokuma burst into the room and started clapping

[@eldeewt]

Was gonna like, but you have 69 likes so I can't.

[@redheadlightningluver]

no cap my mom was yelling at the delivery man and my dog physically said, "only I can yell at them!" and proceeded to transform into cinderella. All the dogs in the neighborhood escaped and barked in approval.

[@Emilygeee]

Damn. Really makes you think 🤔

[@bunnybug3996]

I indeed was the neighborhood

[@jessicagutierrez6401]

It's true, I was the dog

[@Tw0Dots]

@@jessicagutierrez6401 what the dog doin

[@pioxia777]

its true, i was the mom

[@LeafELoxx]

So basicly my wife just gave birth to our hour old child and in the hospital he recited the entire book of the art of war and a bus behind us clapped like my hour year old knows this

[@aubreekersey9030]

"hour year old"

[@muki_the_coyote_17]

That makes the comment even better

[@mman6564]

He knows a little more about fighting than you do pal!

[@axolotlarson9384]

The bus _itself_ Clapped

[@wilburtron1111]

kurtis: **literally forgets his intro** also kurtis: oh yeah i need to go back to my roots

[@pizzabitch1210]

Yes

[@casualcrisis6349]

technically he didn’t have the extra greeting in his older videos so

[@ChaosTheSalamander]

I love how, like, it could have been super easily explained that like, "i honestly just never put it together," or, "I'm not really familiar with how Zip Codes work" could have worked. I'm 23 and I barely know my own home address...but then they jump the shark and go the amnesia route. It's perfect

[@fromloverboy]

Also there are pen pal services that don’t disclose addresses and that would be SUCH a simple explanation

[@melissabelissa]

the eye bit made me cry so hard that a whole bus drove past and clapped

[@melaniebaez6310]

JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA LPM

[@mtak160]

Dude that’s crazy the exact same thing happened to me

[@wdse24]

Are you lying too now?

[@thegoods7011]

@@wdse24 r/wooosh?

[@wdse24]

@@thegoods7011 double wooosh i was joking too

[@Hardstool]

Omg my 2 month old actually started babbling so i took out my camera and recorded her and she said "A 3.5-ounce (100-gram) serving of chicken breast provides 165 calories, 31 grams of protein and 3.6 grams of fat (1). That means that approximately 80% of the calories in chicken breast come from protein, and 20% come from fat." im such a proud mama!! unfortunately i tripped over frozen gluten free pancake mix and my phone flew out my hands and all the way to ibiza so its a shame i lost the video but im still a proud mama!

[@rottingfleshbreadstick7768]

Omg rlly?! My son said the whole bee movie script, but when he was done my camera flew out of mii hands and down the stairs it deletep it self... 😟😞😖🙁😭😢😩😧😦😨😵😬😰😨😱😦🙁😔😒😕😲😳😨😖😟😖😖😨😤😢😭😬😠😡😞😧😧🤯

[@jordynsucks7559]

What a blessing 👍😊

[@fartmaster684]

what a gift from our lord and savior, god straight from heven 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🥰🥰🥰 i give my blessings to you and your child 👼👼👼👼👼👼👼👼👼👼👼👼👼

[@bobacloud7039]

so blessed 🤩

[@Kirill-rc5ng]

omg my SON INVENTED RUNNING ACTUALLY

[@ambored24]

"Pull the plug!" "Shes not even on life support. There is no plug to pull." "Then put her on life support and pull the plug." One of my favorite lines, probably ever

[@crypticshadows]

Ikr

[@LunaAclipse]

I’m 200% stealing that joke tho 😂

[@ana7icia]

LOL

[@Jabberwoot]

One of my favorite insults I've ever heard was "you look like if you took ugly Betty and multiplied her by holy shit"

[@Eclipseee_]

My sister did “technically” not talk until she was able to say phrases and names and shit, but it’s not like she was just brain dead for three years and then suddenly acquired the knowledge to speak sentences and stuff. She just didn’t like talking

[@Gemdancer101]

"I need to go back to my roots" he says whilst forgetting to do his introduction 😂

[@august1224]

Graci I want to like but you’re at 420 so I can’t

[@questions177]

Whilst😂

[@jess6368]

Whenever Kurtis says “yeah dude?”, an angel gets its wings

[@briannathomas4711]

I read that as soon as he said it😂

[@interestinghuh6875]

HOLY CAP!

[@carpedm9846]

"Pull the plug!" "She's not on life support." "Then put her on life support and then pull the plug!!"

[@inaaya2738]

The likes are at 666-

[@lamedrawings]

Ah yes, I too watched the video.

[@kingayy9267]

@Inaaya Rathur Why do people comment things like this?

[@pichrachanahai6179]

Hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahagahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahajajjajajajahajahahahahah

[@pichrachanahai6179]

@@sylviap837 3jjejwjwjw

[@duck4738]

My 2 year old son was at a mcdonalds and the cashier told my son he's stupid and my son said "You made a mistake mortal, you do not know my power. I can invert your organs with my finger, I can destroy your life with moving my tiny eyes, your spine will collapse in 30 seconds if you do not apologize and give me the entire store for free.". Then everyone started clapping 😊

[@DarkShadic9632]

I’m 5 years old and my 57 year old son just said his first words, he said, “Minecraft good Fortnite bad”! I can’t believe it, he’s only 57

[@smrithir.265]

My headaches just reading that lol

[@audreyxx8311]

lmfao

[@Akuma-qv5zi]

Well it it was switched saying I'm 57 and my son is 5 that would make a lot more sense so this one isnt so bad

[@arfalowarfalow2147]

OMG I'M SO PROUD OF HIM. As a fellow 5 year old parent, I know how hard it can be to raise your middle-aged children. It's such a hastle! Congratulations!

[@foxtech543]

@@Akuma-qv5zi still wouldn't make sense even if the ages were switched, since women are unable to birth children after 50-51 or sometimes in their 40's.

[@teeveeee]

Today my 1 year old finally spoke, his words were "We live in a society-"

[@ssssSTopmotion]

Im14andthisisdeep

[@ryannw315]

@@ssssSTopmotion same bru

[@leaiga-riverhills7674]

*This bitch empty* My first words-

[@kermitthefrog459]

Get a load of this society

[@baddierater8214]

@@kermitthefrog459 call 911 immediately

[@lukewarmwaterYT]

“I think I’d be murdered if I didn’t do an extra greeting.” You got that right #kurtisconnerisoverparty

[@mxlkbread7433]

Lukewarm Water Me first reply, me one year old and go to highschool and I can do algebra 1 I work for my mommy and me know how count money and I have credit card

[@shea8977]

@@mxlkbread7433 what the hell

[@mxlkbread7433]

vashta me no curse, that bad

[@CuddlePhantom]

Haha

[@CuddlePhantom]

@@mxlkbread7433 are you okay?

[@HotCafeMocha]

Wait until you watch "the disastrous life of Saiki kusuo", he was teleporting to shop groceries when 1 year old. In fact, he started talking when he was 1 month old. Its his parents writing these posts.

[@fallaciouslandlord]

“my son started walking on the ceiling when he was a baby”

[@bitesnails]

I love that show ‼

[@grass_6679]

Hel yeah saiki kusuo

[@AtticusE-qs1vc]

yare yare.

[@samuel.thornton]

That pen pal one is so funny because he could've said, "oh, it was a pen pal service you sent the letters to, to protect everyone's privacy." But instead my guy just goes with amnesia.

[@mocapcow2933]

My Man forgot he uses a pen pal service, he has amnesia

[@minus606]

Tbh atleast here were I am peps call ''penpals'' even through mail penpal-friends. So he could have easly ''corrected'' himself by saying ''oh there was no adress bc....'' Ore heck just ''well I am pretty stupid, somehow didn't noticed.'' Would have 100% worked for me tbh...

[@maxbracegirdle9990]

But you shouldn't really be able to pull the dumb card. They claim they were penpals for 30 YEARS. You mean you ain't moved, they ain't moved, or you havnt talked to your neighbor in all that time when both y'all have been living there. You don't realize your atleast 35 year old ass is writing almost the same address on an envelope twice?? Playing the dumb car would just straight up not work, maybe if you only think about it for like 5 seconds at the most, but any more than that and it's busted

[@Многокартошка]

​@@maxbracegirdle9990Still would be a better option

[@OrgansonbreadKidneysOnPizza]

Even the truth would have worked: “I’m a fawkin’ idiot”

[@camilaborges941]

My baby's first word was: "I'm proud to be born in Kurtistown"

[@astro5761]

My baby's first word was nothing cause he died in the womb

[@alanaz918]

TKN_ASTRO is that a paw patrol pfp

[@alanaz918]

TKN_ASTRO it is. that makes this 10x better

[@Ashley-oq2yr]

Chenle .mp4 HAHAHA you’re right

[@raemakenzie]

My baby's first word was "What's up Greg?"

[@noriakikakyoinakamilfhunte3540]

Haha my cat's first words were "Sister, i require §ū§țāňåñčə," so cute!

[@napalmeris]

@@iogdavhd4icafhvnonsense540 Dude it's a joke.

[@napalmeris]

@@iogdavhd4icafhvnonsense540 😑

[@plankton1547]

Dam my cats first word was woof, you have a way cooler cat

[@hufflepuffhorcrux3269]

Have you tried putting your cat in rice

[@alixthegod7398]

The first words of my cat were “FOOD CONSUMPTION T I M E”, I’m so happy for you 🥰😄

[@kezi7728]

15:15 The first story (the yes I can one) honestly could be true. There are stories of kids who don’t talk until they’re older. Sometimes it’s because their parents fight a lot or sometimes because they just aren’t ready to talk. But they can talk in full sentences because they listen to others talking

[@peterberning]

but talking is more than listening and understand words. you still have to practice moving your mouth, tongue, throat, vocal chords, etc. like it's still a thing you have to practice. so sure they might say mutilple words in one "sentence" but it will be incoherent and rather garbled because they don't have the skills yet to properly control the sounds.

[@tulseytowngirl3]

I died at “You’re my hero.” Honestly I died when Kurtis entered the screen. That man has perfected the art of satire bits.

[@noah60065]

I'm yer 1k like :)

[@sewerrat2683]

One time I was singing in the bathroom in my school. I thought that I was alone but there was a bully in the stall next to the mirror who got on top of it and recorded me singing and post it on (insert social media) everybody in the school saw it and when they saw be the next day they started clapping and praising me saying how talented I was. Then Obama came over and offered me to sing at the white House. This took place in 2014 Now, I'm doja cat

[@basicallyj3ss516]

WAIT IS THAT... THE OBAMAS?

[@lesliebb8400]

And then everyone clapped.

[@bullaro59]

You had me in the first half ngl

[@leavemychannelaloneiquit840]

WHY DONT U SAY SOOOOO?

[@TobeEvans]

Holy shit Doja Cat I love you!!1!!!11

[@bri7259]

my first word was “mother my human form is limiting”

[@npc-333]

Mine too

[@crowsoto9612]

aww! mine were "I crave a sacrifice to keep my physical form in this realm"

[@BlueberryDragon13]

Mine was woo woo hoo woo. My parents were pretty concerned.

[@ghostlierbat8150]

Mine was aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[@kyocera1618]

Idk what mine was but my brothers was fuck- should've seen it coming that he curses to much and is racist and sexist and uses the r slur

[@babeofmoss]

This still slaps 4 years later. Thank you Kurt 🙏

[@RockUnicornCorn]

5:46 whenever Kurtis says "fishy" all I hear in my head is "fishy fishy fishy makin' it stinkeyy"

[@anureet123]

I was looking for a comment about this 😂😂😂

[@abbysykes6673]

You're my hero

[@frogreadingabook]

god i can hear him pressing the button for this on the soundboard now haha

[@pssd-ff-dth-grps-fn8797]

Oop fish in the mouth

[@RockUnicornCorn]

@@frogreadingabook I love your name

[@zora1138]

My 1 year old daughter just said her first words! She rapped the entire Hamilton musical! And she did the choreography! And the entire country started clapping! Then some government agents came and took her away for testing or something. Hopefully they'll give her back at some point.

[@swag6023]

Hamilton LMAO

[@jacksibjo4944]

Best one yet

[@froggycheckers]

It's true, I was there. Btw love your profile picture, happy Pride!

[@jackkoscak8501]

Lmfao dude holy shit Btw I love that pfp. Happy pride month!!

[@froggycheckers]

@@jackkoscak8501 Happy Pride!! 🌈🌈

[@urlocalghostwithanxiety6279]

“Put her on life support and pull the plug!” - kurtis conner 2019

[@TheGamevan]

yeah

[@rosegoldpineapple936]

One time my mom was pregnant with me and the hospital gave her epidural, so she was a little loopy. Well she popped the baby out and when she was signing the documents as far as what name would be, I yelled and told her “Think of the consequences before you write anything down lady.”

[@bogwife7942]

fucked up that she went ahead and named you rosegoldpineapple936 anyway

[@bandaidd_]

That is true, I was the epidural

[@teeya-s6x]

real i was the consequences

[@grey.themusiccat]

this is real i was the documents

[@johndawn6951]

Facts I was the mom

[@jdtoaster9498]

I’m 14 years old and my 16 year old daughter just said her first words after I gave her her first beer and she said “The government is corrupt” she’s only 5

[@hawkeyepierce8886]

So wise

[@peeler22345]

this story is touching.

[@lixonzito2481]

that kid grew up to be Kurtis Conner

[@eefsart]

Are you- 🤢🤢 are you a-🤢🤢🤢 I cant even say it.. 🤢 are you assuming your child’s gender 🤢🤢🤢

[@jdtoaster9498]

Freckle Feather Why are you assuming I have a child

[@jem3662]

kurtis turning his jokes into long-extended skits for EACH JOKE is what makes him the best channel on this app

[@JustTheWarning]

well yeah, cause if he didn't have them this would just be the subreddit r/thathappened, lol.

[@jem3662]

JustTheWarning he could still tell his jokes w/o including the skits....

[@nina-ll5sp]

i agree ☝🏻

[@neegas3490]

Oop

[@shaf2317]

exactly

[@nolandailey3362]

My baby said his first words at the young age of 2 months! The first thing he EVER said was “e=mc^2”! He grew up to be Leonardo Da Vinci. I’m so proud of him!!! 😊😊😊

[@gingerbread9691]

Nolan Dailey My child’s first words were mooooooo he grew up to be a cow, last month we gave him to a farm and everybody clapped

[@Hermanator1124]

@@gingerbread9691 must've been delicious to eat your own kid and drink his nice nice milk

[@mynameisnotlisa]

It was Einstein's formula...

[@user-mz6et6fr1r]

@@mynameisnotlisa r/woooosh

[@shouto6176]

@@mynameisnotlisa r/woooooooooosh

[@heavisbubbles]

kurtis missing the satire on the second one and doing a play by play rant was the funniest thing ever 😭🫶🏽

[@swishyb]

everybody gangster until kurtis almost leaves us extra-greetingless

[@megocon6454]

BAHAHAHAHAAH

[@lizzl6487]

Forreal I was about to unsubscribe

[@boldofyoutoassumethatihave6180]

Honey Baby for real for real that was NOT what I subbed for 😤

[@samanthaaasanchezzz]

the folks clap is what keeps me going ✊

[@cheekybananaboy3361]

he was about to lose every subscriber

[@amorekoos]

*girl wakes up after surgery* “where’s kurtis conner?” “he didn’t tell you?” “what?” “who do you think gave you the facetune eyes?”

[@Ame_Katze]

*girl begins crying*

[@nietts]

:'-(

[@jennys43]

Then after that day, she prayed to her cross made out of pepsi

[@lemonycatapult7300]

Then everyone in the hospital clapped 👏🏼 💯

[@xzielaz]

Nagito Komaeda haha like if you v I b e d

[@bayklingender1269]

'I'm as naked as the day I was born' Kurtis was born with a chain and a nose piercing confirmed

[@bleucat3119]

Yeah I mean weren’t you?

[@rainbowunicornmilkshake]

*nakey

[@analouise6504]

bay anslie correction nakey

[@idiot6218]

and all of his tattoos

[@jhaneilbarnett1451]

And tattoos

[@questionableadviser]

Today my paralysed deaf blind mute autistic premature 2 day old niece said her first word today (a miracle blessing from God). She said “phone bad book good” and started handing pancakes to homeless people on the floor after a hurricane while telling them to get jobs like the legless man who was using a book as an umbrella. Such an inspiring story ❤️ ❤️

[@Ieatmoldforfunzies_x0x0]

I was the book and I can confirm the generosity your son showed, She was so kind. Truly a good man.

[@auramint]

I was the autism. I can confirm

[@BoxOfToasters]

I was the deafness. I can confirm.

[@californium-2526]

I can confirm about the inspiration that this story gives; I was the pancakes.

[@craftwire1711]

I just picked up my dog from the shelter and I tried to take a picture of him with my phone and he said “mother, we don’t need smart phones. Just be in the moment

[@mrfrogkingg]

Ugh, your dog is so polite and understanding. The first time I met my cat, he only said: " get me out of here, dumbass, I want chicken nuggies "

[@BoggDog]

Its true, i was the clapped

[@icattgacha1891]

@@BoggDog sus

[@beowulf1658]

It’s true, I was the phone.

[@gray.2081]

It’s true, I was the dog

[@LibsLOL42]

i love when someone makes a post lying and then someone else is like “it’s true!! i knew them blah blah” and the op is like “dude i was so obviously lying tf”

[@attiegrey]

Love those. I see them every time. It's true, I'm the tumblr text box, I see it all. True story

[@colecollins616]

i like it when people are like "its true i was the floor"

[@فرحنورالدين-ر4ن]

It’s true, I was the story

[@cassiefromooo]

This morning, my 2 year old son saw a woman refusing to wear a mask in Del Taco, so he stood up and said 'Do not call me handsome, if you ain't gonna hand me some of that badonkydonk!' Everyone clapped and the barista gave us free cappuccinos for life! #proudmom

[@rqyzilla1534]

LMAOO

[@sleepiest_of_dem_all0_o]

Omg so brave

[@xav6969]

@@rqyzilla1534 i see you in most of these comments this is amazing

[@Vexlith]

It's true I'm the cashier

[@chebic5095]

@@Vexlith I was the badonkydonk

[@the-greatest-gatsby-12]

My 4 month old baby look at me, and then re-acted the entirety of Mischa Bachinski’s lines and his songs!!! I started crying and stuff!!!

[@emonemo.]

“Then put her on life support and pull the plug” IM ACTUALLY WHEEZING

[@parwhal8152]

You have 69 subscribers itz mee

[@antfactory1]

I died lmao

[@kayliejones3670]

Itz mee I’m getting this tattooed 😂

[@maggiew5078]

when my kid was a month old she recited the entire Bill Of Rights and the Constitution, and then obama showed up and awarded her the noble peace prize. kids are the greatest haha.

[@Glasschime1]

My kid IS obama

[@bassproshopsnob5883]

bobebo no way! My dog is also Obama!

[@destiny8170]

Aww

[@destiny8170]

Im obama's great great great great great great grandmother

[@yungjet00]

Nobel* 🙃

[@finalhazard883]

I still can't believe how hilarious this dude is "Pull the plug" "She isn't on life support, there's no plug to pull" "Well put her on life support and then pull the plug"

[@jonathansoelle266]

I saw the joke coming but the delivery was fucking amazing 🤣

[@shjttygremlynn]

hey kurtis, i know this video is old and i know you won't see this but i'm a little too drunk to care about that right now but i just wanted to tell you that i am grateful that you make content because it's genuinely so comforting and it helps me so much through tough times i'm struggling with a lot personally and watching your videos makes my days just so much more brighter thank you so much for making all this content!!

[@emmabennett-mcconnell8592]

kurtis: that would be so scary if babies could talk danny gonzalez: *silent fear*

[@axolotlarson9384]

L E T S T O G E T H E R B A T H

[@nessa3025]

PressUnownF I A M T H E B A L L I C E C R E A M

[@Arrandir]

CONE ICE CREAM

[@articulated_clavicles]

I A M T H E B A R I C E C R E A M *drops bars*

[@jayapapaya9083]

G R E E N I S H. P I S T A

[@uncertain_zee]

"i need to go back to my roots." *forgets the extra greeting* *forgets the 'folks *clap*'* hmmmm

[@oliviamgreenwood]

My brothers first words were: *"Mother I would greatly appreciate if you would buy a baked good with lots of carbohydrates shaped as a circle please."*

[@quinnthesis3698]

Is that an Odd1sOut reference

[@Daisy-vg7ci]

James ✋😌

[@oliviamgreenwood]

Yes to both.

[@LavroseRovender]

Dango G yes

[@icantsing2492]

Cuuki

[@ArkaneStephanie]

One day I when I went to the swimming pool with my unborn child I asked her why she didn't speak yet. Then she turned and said "Ive been speaking for years. I am that pen pal you have been talking to ever since you were a child. You just had amnesia and couldn't remember." Then she did a fortnight dance and the pool manager exploded

[@cringelord_67]

Combustion at the pool? Smh my head that is so unprofessional #CancelHimOrHerOrThey(ILoveAllGenders)

[@rust-2450]

Gotta love how the mom in that scenario is just letting her kid throw junk food to these endangered fish, and the man doing his job and telling him to stop is the bad guy...

[@TahtahmesDiary]

Well, the fish was the one who determined that tho! If a fish squirts water on you, that's it 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@m0bz0mb38]

You also gotta love how Kurtis doesn't know classrooms have cameras lmao *Well I guess he was before columbine so ig that makes since

[@nosebledd]

@@m0bz0mb38 most schools i know of still only have cameras in the hallways, not each classroom. that would be wayyy expensive, plus there’s not really a need to track a shooter by what classroom they’re in anyways

[@m0bz0mb38]

@@nosebledd 🤷‍♀️the school I went to had a camera at the back of each classroom and in the hallways and outside the building

[@sorryifoldcomment8596]

@@m0bz0mb38 Damn, how many classrooms are there and was it a public school? Can't imagine any public schools in America doing that. Not just using taxes to cover the cost of the cameras, the cost of running them every day, but also storing all the data and deleting it, etc. Someone gotta be paid to deal with all that footage...which will all be the same. But I live in a city, so all the schools in my area have a bunch of rooms, even the private schools. So just one camera in every room would be a lot of cameras and a lot of footage and a lot of electricity.

[@gottkonighorus1493]

My childs first words were actually: "Father, I find it saddening that our fellow human beeings feel so inadequate about themselves that they wouldn`t even lie about something they themselves accomplished but that they have to live out success through obvious make belief about their offspring." So yeah. Looking for an exorcist.

[@prig1557]

Yesterday, my 64 year old said his first words in Latin. Yay

[@carmenmercedes9903]

hows it going?

[@RG-rm6ih]

Omg this is so true, i was the baby

[@carmenmercedes9903]

@@RG-rm6ih how did the exorcism go?

[@prig1557]

@@carmenmercedes9903 I heard it went good

[@sazaaaam]

My son was only a week old when he said "never gonna give you up,never gonna let you down,never gonna run around and desert you,never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye,never gonna tell a lie and hurt you" everyone in the neighborhood clapped.

[@Ifmdvjgoo]

wow 😍

[@ruewest5828]

I did not just get rickrolled by a fucking comment i-

[@KingOfGaymes]

Pfp checks out

[@swan8803]

And Rick Astley came and clapped

[@ccherry.berryy]

Yes

[@bruise667]

4 years ago and still slaps

[@lisamackilligan2589]

All these stories are true, I was there clapping

[@girliejax]

Well I'm the one that gave Curtis all these stories in this video & everyone in the comments sent me 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽😂

[@SavyGamez]

I'm just picturing someone walking around clapping at random ass people for them to be inspired to make shitty unbelievable posts like these and ITS SENDING MEEE-

[@MRIHAVENOTHINGTOSHOW]

👏👏👏

[@birdytoes]

Girliejax i think ur lying 🤥 🤔

[@prod.n8te]

You know, your comment really changes context depending on what definition of "clapping" you mean

[@Ana-sh5ps]

My baby’s first words were: The fitness gram pacer test is a multi stage aerobic capacity test...

[@Smartfellafartsmella]

Jackspedicey????

[@Ana-sh5ps]

@@louise4815 lmao

[@apathysatragedy3114]

I actually liked PE, but even I agree the pacer test SUCKS BALLS

[@mcr5truther]

Emily Jeska I still have to take the pacer test. One of my friends got the record, but she CHEATED! We all saw it.

[@scrambledeggs1677]

throw the whole baby away

[@turner15]

As someone who would definitely say “phones don’t belong at school” when they were a kid I can confirm that that lady’s son is a loser.

[@natalie-chanistrash7214]

mood

[@Opus566]

Same lmao

[@salem-01]

Same

[@teamballs.]

@@1sor1b her son is a lobster

[@pinkpusheenpaws]

@@1sor1b me too and i didn't question it

[@sophiadiaz8967]

I love how some people think nobody will suspect a thing

[@user-kq7wz5mh2f]

“Pull the plug!” “She’s not on life support” “Then put her on life support and pull the plug!” 😂 😂 😂

[@tonymontes4778]

That one made me laugh real hard.. 😂😂😂

[@drowsified2782]

Woah, too bad this wasn't in the video and that we didn't hear this joke sooner!

[@acab9120]

So everyone’s glossing over how Kurtis said “tromboner”

[@anmolgrewal9011]

Cab not me

[@acab9120]

“This video gave me a tromboner” “I can’t have a tromboner” “Dude you got a tromboner”

[@Nina-sz6rf]

Lmao it’s a Sex Education reference

[@user-oj7np2ej1z]

Yeah I was gonna say-

[@Randompuffin1]

Heh- i play trombone

[@twiggyzaza]

When Kurtis is so disoriented after tour that he almost forgets the extra greeting

[@TheGamevan]

yeah

[@Lee-wf4kr]

So true, poor Kurt =(

[@AzaelRulz]

I HATE those social media accounts that literally survive off of using a filter, but what i hate even more is the ones that do that, but defend the filter and try to prove its not a filter but that they have some sort of abnormality even though it's obviously a filter.

[@starryvampyre]

No one: Kurtis when he makes a bad joke:😎🤟🔥😏

[@beans7448]

hey man I think you spelled "great" wrong

[@MadelinefromCelesteW]

*great joke

[@acab9120]

That’s a weird way to say “the rebirth of comedy”

[@socialnorm3295]

Smiling Lapis no he doesnt light his house

[@hiracoverband]

huh thats the weirdest way ive seen someone spelt glorious

[@Nope-cm6wv]

I like how he glossed over the fact that one-year-olds can’t really talk

[@keira.1377]

I was talking MUCH before one

[@thebookgoddess7380]

Keira. ok well good for u lol

[@rosetea6590]

Keira. Right out of the womb definitely

[@straybeans143]

@@keira.1377 I talked before one too, but I think they meant majority don't speak full sentences.

[@GoldieBoots]

one year olds speak but not really in any coherent way yet

[@be_kind_to_bees8676]

Mom:he’s saying his first word Baby:m-m-mitochondria is the power house of the cell

[@wordyweirdo8581]

This made my morning. Thank you.

[@TP-tg8cc]

Gosh dang it

[@sixteenbells]

And everybody clapped

[@waylonwaylon5513]

The mighty nugget Never lies but you never lie!

[@sadieb27]

do people actually find this funny

[@Jeffrey_LOL-vi9wy]

When I was -1 I told my mom “mother, Speech is a human vocal communication using language. Each language uses phonetic combinations of vowel and consonant sounds that form the sound of its words (that is, all English words sound different from all French words, even if they are the same word, e.g., "role" or "hotel"), and using those words in their semantic character as words in the lexicon of a language according to the syntactic constraints that govern lexical words' function in a sentence. In speaking, speakers perform many different intentional speech acts, e.g., informing, declaring, asking, persuading, directing, and can use enunciation, intonation, degrees of loudness, tempo, and other non-representational or paralinguistic aspects of vocalization to convey meaning. In their speech, speakers also unintentionally communicate many aspects of their social position such as sex, age, place of origin (through accent), physical states (alertness and sleepiness, vigor or weakness, health or illness), psychological states (emotions or moods), physico-psychological states (sobriety or drunkenness, normal consciousness and trance states), education or experience, and the like.“ Then the people on the plane flying towards our building started clapping

[@CaseyShontz]

“I’m as nakey as the day I was born!” Kurtis was born with a necklace and a nose ring

[@red_dickfigures]

And you weren't? Damn, that must suck

[@nini-qu5hi]

@@red_dickfigures Wait, everyone isn't born with a necklace and a nose ring?

[@red_dickfigures]

@@nini-qu5hi yeah, that's what I was thinking

[@woahtherebud01]

And inked

[@mxwitcher]

@@nini-qu5hi I wasn't, I was born with a mouth piercing and a choker, guess everyone is different

[@eleanorbrady9077]

omg im so proud of my lizard 😭 she got on her tail and started singing amazing grace at my weird uncles funeral 💞

[@cjfleming8005]

LMAO

[@kiki8792]

😭 beautiful

[@itaintmaya]

nah u lyin there is no way nobody started clappin

[@cupids_favourite_aro4578]

*everyone started clapping*

[@taylorott4185]

You have trained her well

[@boyes15]

My first words were "The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start." Crazy right?

[@lune4089]

I would throw you away and run as fast as I could after filling the trash can you were in with holy water, cause you must’ve been the spawn of Satan. That thing gave me PTSD.

[@ElpSmith]

Your birth sounds like a terrifying experience

[@cerisakatchmart]

@@lune4089 same. That kills the heck out of me

[@JennaLeigh]

"Kids who don't speak until they can recite an entire lengthy ad are the fucking best."

[@doomergirl6012]

We called it just beep test in school. And we wanted to kill the teacher

[@batsontoast]

When my brother was -4 he came up to me crying, and when I asked him what was wrong he said that I'm on my phone too much. And then he turned into a whale and my dog ate him. I fed my phone to the dog and then he came back alive and everyone clapped. So the lesson is don't be on your phone too much also feed it to your dog.

[@MicBur17]

My babies first word was actually “The Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell”

[@rowan2086]

Beast Burchett lol this is unrelated but once at the end of my school year we had to do a reflection of what we learned. i just answered “the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell” no cap

[@Jackson_the_king66]

Isn’t that everyone’s

[@princeleo1041]

I said every word in the dictionary when I was 4

[@sorellfart2700]

this was by far the best comment i’ve ever seen

[@izzy350]

I-

[@justinbellman]

My baby's first words were "What's up, how's it goin?" And his second words were "What's up, how's it goin?" Then everyone in Kurtistown clapped

[@michaelkeating9624]

What a beautiful true story that definitely really happened 😂😂😂

[@megamozaik]

I hope you subscribed to your baby for those second words.

[@justinbellman]

@@megamozaik How do you think I got him to say them in the first place

[@maddyporter36]

That really happened, I was the baby's diaper..

[@skyecristina5572]

All the folks* in Kurtistown clapped

[@marissawilder4587]

"oh my God, pull the plug" "Wh... She's not even on life support, she-" "WELL THEN PUT HER ON LIFE SUPPORT AND PULL THE PLUG"

[@Gabby-kb9vv]

I lost it at this point 😂😂😂

[@delraveravioli5264]

Whaaattt, we watched the same video, no way

[@marissawilder4587]

@@delraveravioli5264 I'm just saying that this part was funny.. lol

[@quas3r__]

that kid praying at the pibb cross really took "and i pray to my fountain of slush" to a whole new level

[@itsgrace717]

One of my unfertilized eggs just said to me "Mother, I have decided after much deliberation that I desire to create commentary videos on the internet website known as 'KZbin' when I grow up" and then proceeded to recite the entirety of every Kurtis Conner video from memory. I'm so proud.

[@e6026]

She got angry so she ran off on a tampon, it’s true, she’s at the dumpster rn playing cards with the rats 💕

[@lagg421]

It's true I'm the egg

[@Nick07900]

Would you just, have to keep on birthing children until that specific egg is fertilized? Is it like the 22 convention where you have unlimited babies?

[@user-me3ge8de4o]

This is true i was the table

[@timohara7717]

Nah bro even the virgins be having periods adding periods at the end of sentences 😭😭😭💀

[@HarriWasHere]

Guys her eyes are obviously just from a surgery from a bad accident she had when she was 7 like it's a bit obvious y'all smh

[@clara-md3qp]

Obviously. I got into a car accident last year and now I have anime eyes.

[@clara-md3qp]

@I am a bot uwu thank you kind sir

[@HarriWasHere]

@@clara-md3qp so sorry to hear. My cousin was mugged and hit in the face with a bat and now her eyes are massive anime style eyes after many surgeries

[@therealplaguerat]

Oh my god👏My 1 day old child just sang Rap God by Eminem and everybody in the hospital clapped😜👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@sincerealev]

It's true, I was the hospital

[@Equa11ysurl]

It's true, I was the hands of the people clapping Edit: I clicked on this comment and forgot I made this reply. Hello people.

[@yeesmchaw5852]

It's true, I'm Eminem

[@natasha8007]

It’s true, I was the rapping baby.

[@describingtrashislikedescr5510]

It's true, I was the hospital bed

[@redtailarts101]

I would have believed the "I'll go to work for you" one if it was said by a 5 year old but a 1 year old?

[@sunflowr1651]

“I feel like I would be murdered if I didn’t do those things” was foreshadowing. I’ll never forget Kurtis. Never.

[@lorkhaniron-shaper5486]

You really scared me for a moment. Not funny

[@jamilexcruz5576]

Lmaooo and then he got "cancelled"

[@silverdrag0n_]

i was about to say

[@kinedj699]

Jamilex Cruz what wha? Why?

[@PhantomFandoms]

@@kinedj699 he had forgotten to do his extra greeting and got fake canceled over it to the point where he was trending. He did a video on it when it happened.

[@ericaploof998]

My newborn baby just told me the meaning to life. Everyone in the vicinity clapped. A few days after, she died at 890 years old 😭

[@TribuneAquila]

it is potentially possible for 890 years to pass in a 'few' days. If this planet existed where it circumnavigated its sun 890 times while it only rotated relative to its sun a few times. So i could see this being a true statement somewhere in the universe. And everyone would clap

[@ericaploof998]

@@TribuneAquila ...my feeble brain did not understand any of that, but that sounds really cool! Lol

[@kristiannarobinson8587]

R.i.p they go so soon

[@ericaploof998]

@@kristiannarobinson8587 truth 😔

[@largeboi4678]

@@TribuneAquila I don’t know much about space, but wouldn’t the force of gravity have to be a lot stronger to keep up with the increased speed?

[@MarthaGonzalez-bm1kf]

“I like trilogies that are just three of things”-Kurtis Conner, 2k19

[@Niah33love]

I kept reading these as -"kurt Cobain"

[@Xiskx.]

Damn, he really did Douglas Adams like that...

[@User02751]

Myday♡♡ stan day6 y'all

[@selalune]

ow wonpil

[@LouisaKloe]

stream day6 for good skin

[@notanemovampire]

Kurtis seems like the type of person to wash his hair with a bar of soap and have it still look awesome

[@gabys9460]

“Never heard of cameras in classrooms “ Cries In public school

[@dallasbelfiore1699]

gaby s my school only have them in hallways

[@dizz4386]

Only classes with special needs kids are supposed to have cameras

[@Anonymous-tu3yw]

Cries in American

[@whytho1368]

I'm around the same age as Kurtis and my public school's classrooms never had security cameras in them. *cries bc I'm getting old asf*

[@maolisa08]

gaby s WE HAVE CAMERA IN THE BATHROOM

[@iinamorata]

My first words as a baby were "comrade, let's abolish the government."

[@razzledazzledorito2588]

:O mine too

[@SM-qv2om]

my first words were: Союз нерушимый республик свободных Сплотила навеки Великая Русь. Да здравствует созданный волей народов Единый, могучий Советский Союз! Славься, Отечество наше свободное, Дружбы, народов надежный оплот! Знамя советское, знамя народное Пусть от победы, к победе ведет! Сквозь грозы сияло нам солнце свободы, И Ленин великий нам путь озарил. Нас вырастил Сталин - на верность народу На труд и на подвиги нас вдохновил. Славься, Отечество чаше свободное, Счастья народов надежный оплот! Знамя советское, знамя народное Пусть от победы к победе ведет! Skvoz grozy siialo nam solntse svobody, I Lenin velikij nam put ozaril. Nas vyrastil Stalin - na vernost narodu Na trud i na podvigi nas vdokhnovil. Slavsia, Otechestvo chashe svobodnoe, Schastia narodov nadezhnyj oplot! Znamia sovetskoe, znamia narodnoe Pust ot pobedy k pobede vedet! Мы армию нашу растили в сраженьях, Захватчиков подлых с дороги сметем! Мы в битвах решаем судьбу поколений, Мы к славе Отчизну свою поведем! Славься, Отечество наше свободное, Славы народов надежный оплот! Знамя советское, знамя народное Пусть от победы к победе ведет

[@XX_CUTECAT_XX]

My first words were: "hey man I'm gunna tear your eyes out!"

[@mrfrogkingg]

Mine were : "I'm WAY too sleep deprived to deal with your negativity right now." And then everyone in Singapore came to my house and screamed as 456 Alexas played Africa by Toto.

[@susanthefish8940]

Mine was, "Assemble dear comrades, we have to take over." Yeah, I am reborn as Karl Marx.

[@kateelizza9046]

"I'm as nakey as I was the day I was born" - Kurtis Conner, with a chain around his neck.

[@olivermoth]

he was born sick

[@khkayla6575]

And a nose ring

[@jakobayres4970]

kateelizza that’s cause he was born a fucking g

[@thylane5879]

He was born drippin’

[@EstherAller]

There are two types of learning to speak (but not like literal first words necessarily): kids who want to get the pronunication right and say single words, and those who get whole sentences out (with the caviat that probably only the parents understand them)

[@whyyousostinky3057]

Yesterday I heard my grandma say: “yo shawty wanna hit a lick?” And I was like “yo hell ya” Then we both snorted a massive amount of cocaine and my step grandpas ashes! Let me tell you...that lady knows how to yodel!

[@humangarbage8934]

LMAOOOO

[@krunchykat9249]

Fluid went out of my nose laughing to this so thank you

[@whyyousostinky3057]

KrunchyKat Anytime lmaoooo

[@probnotking]

This my friend, is a vibe

[@ghostii716]

LITERALLY WHAT

[@pauline9572]

i’m 14 and my 64 year old just filed his taxes while preforming a one man show on broadway. he’s only a month old 😫😫

[@Dragon-wt7ch]

😮

[@kaikitty4906]

:•

[@icattgacha1891]

64 year old A stack of age

[@Vexlith]

It's true I was there

[@911_terrorist]

ö

[@scornonthecob5375]

You know, Kurtis is so generous with his extra greetings. But do we, residents of Kurtistown, ever reciprocate our mayor’s kindness? No. So, Kurtis... What’s up? How are you? I hope you’re doing well, dude.

[@arsonleblanc2005]

I was the 69th like and I'm happy

[@nunbun4084]

:)

[@ariv1813]

@@arsonleblanc2005 wtf i liked this and it said 190 and them i opened the replies and it said 227 what

[@cool-zd3ev]

Ellie Muskens y’all my citizens woke me up out of my sleep crying and said ‘kurtis ik you tired of giving extra greetings trying to make it better for me and my fellow citizens. We will greet you today’ how are YOU doing kurtis

[@CapuchinoProduccions]

666, delightfully devilish Seymour.

[@trilltx214]

I live for this man’s glow up 🥲. Chill ik he just grew out his hair and mustache 😂 but still.