STOP doing this at the Bathhouse | Patrick Marano

[@robertadams5479]

Re: “Clean” As a bottom, if someone asked me if I was clean, I would think that they were asking me if I had douched!

[@michaeljohndennis2231]

Among the things you will find in dark steam rooms in the early hours is empty shampoo bottles, condoms, condom wrappers, soiled towels, empty bottles of poppers

[@DaveTexas]

#4 for me would be to not continue to pursue someone who has rejected you. I try to be as polite and respectful as possible when I’m not interested in someone. I’ve usually said something like, "No, thanks," and left it at that. Sometimes it’s a "I’m looking for a daddy bear today" or even "I’m just here to hook up with my buddy." I know it’s best to be direct, but I never want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Regardless, if a guy has rejected you in any way, LEAVE HIM ALONE. Don’t keep bothering him. Guys who refuse to leave you alone like that are the worst!

[@PatrickMarano]

Agreed

[@artisan06]

If someone tells me NO one time, I’d simply leave them alone! I have too much self respect to follow someone that’s not interested in me! I was doing before I met that individual, I’ll do fine now I know they’re not interested!

[@DaveTexas]

@@artisan06 you’d think more guys would understand this, but I’ve seen it time and time again. There was a couple of years maybe 15-20 years ago that I pretty much didn’t go to my local bathhouse because there was this guy who was ALWAYS there who used to come up to me and try to get something started every time I went there. I swear he must have been there every night of the week, because he really was there no matter which night I went. It wasn’t that he was unattractive; it was his lack of respect for boundaries and his refusal to leave me (and others) alone after we told him no. He’d hit on every new guy who came in the door, and then he’d come after some of us the whole time we were there. The part that made me stop going was how he’d come up to me while I was with somebody else and try to get in on the action, acting like he was my best buddy and implying that I enjoyed having three-ways with him. It was too creepy for me. He knew enough to not break any of the bathhouse’s rules so he wouldn’t get himself kicked out. He just annoyed the hell out of everyone.

[@rschmidt9699]

“I’m not ready” That really is a good line

[@karimbennett5651]

A lot of guys in the bathhouse WILL come back to you later if you give them time to look around first. Patience can be a virtue.

[@dramonmaster222]

Thank you Patrick for all your Bathouse tips!

[@MatthewL1973]

The rife drug use or drunk guys in bathhouses make it sketchy and time consuming to find a guy who doesn’t creep out. A healthier space would make a BH more inviting. Between the raw competition and avoiding the drug/alcohol use shows how many guys feel very uncomfortable with the space in the first place. I wish it were different. Hence, I haven’t been to one in years.

[@PatrickMarano]

Depends what time you go. Daytime is less sketch. The later the night the more drugs you'll find

[@michaeljohndennis2231]

It’s been 20 years since I’ve been to a bath-house and I’m 53 now, going to a gay sauna was always part of the Irish gay clubbing experience and you would always find older closeted gay men, some married, some clergy, travelling up to Dublin from all over Ireland at the weekends just to spend all night in the Dublin gay saunas - when I lived in Dublin, Ireland, there was a sauna war and at one stage there was 4 gay saunas in Dublin, only one survived, initially opened as a concept sauna, last time I went to it on a visit home from the U.K. that I was there it was really showing its age - I’m beginning to wonder that, with the growth of gay dating apps and gay porn sites, is the gay sauna and other gay venues starting to fall out of favour, as we gay people achieve equality and acceptance, yet I still feel that we as gay people still need venues that are exclusively ours - one gay sauna and another gay venue in London’s Soho closed down and especially after Covid, this is worrying - the Canal St gay village here in Manchester seems to be following the same depressing trend, even aside from Manchester Pride and seeing gay venues closing down is not good

[@PatrickMarano]

Ya, they close all the time, but there is def a want and a need for these spaces. Thanks for sharing your story with us

[@symon3304]

I've always found a smile and good manners go along way. No means no, leave your room as you left it and never humiliate someone who makes a pass at you because you're not interested.

[@PatrickMarano]

Great advice

[@famousjamous2006]

You mentioned Prep etc. (so important!!) but don’t forget that Doxy-PEP (doxycycline post-exposure prophylaxis) may for some people be an option to prevent common STIs. If you have sex frequently with different partners you may be a candidate. I haven’t had a single infection since I started it. One dose within 24 hours of unprotected sex decreases your risk considerably. Chat with your healthcare provider.

[@PatrickMarano]

Thanks for adding that to the conversation

[@PaddyEdwardC]

I am think about taking prep myself. I heard prep and doxy-prep is a good game changer ❤

[@greggi47]

Thanks, Patrick for some more of your practical, reality-based and generous advice. I don't get to a sauna often enough--it's a 2 hour drive each way, and I no longer young and energetic enough to to take that lightly. I try to maximize my enjoyment of the experience. People who grab me through the towel and look disgusted (!) that I'm not hard at the moment are not plesant. Esp when they surry into my room without being invited.

[@1pjmuscle]

As an older gay man who looks amazing by the way lol i have always understood that i will be rejected by as many guys as i have rejected in a bath house its not personal move on and please don’t grab unless your invited to

[@justchickenstrips]

How old?

[@1pjmuscle]

65

[@Luvforalll]

Your house is beautifully decorated, you have great taste and design style 😊 I love everything, the wallpaper, your kitchen. Love it all

[@PatrickMarano]

Thanks so much! 😊

[@jimsmith1549]

love your bathouse tips! thanks, patrick!

[@PatrickMarano]

Glad you like them!

[@StephenGeorge-q4u]

I go once a month BIG FUN! San Diego California.....

[@johnensslen]

You will not believe what goes on Week night what goes on in Philadelphia, PA at a bath house Sometimes two or three guys get it on.At the same time It is amazing to see this live.

[@joemiller1312]

I have been told that same thing about not being ready. It was so much better than "are you kidding, take a hint" or whatever rude remark they could shout. So yeah....we played some and then he said, I think I am just going to walk around some and check things out. I got some play in and that can be just as fun. Thanks Patrick

[@PatrickMarano]

Totally

[@chrisbaier6252]

It may not even be that he’s not interested, it may just be that he just arrived and wants to spend more time and have more fun. I like to hang out, relax, play around, watch, make out.

[@Taopuppy]

“I’m not ready” could also be a way for them to say "I'm hoping to find better".

[@PatrickMarano]

yup..."better" is actually "different" though

[@touraneindanke]

Being rejected in a more or less comfortable way makes bump in to the same person at the bar or restaurant area later on. During a later visit you possibly connect free of tension an have a civilized conversation totally away from sex just relaxing. Living in a small gay community it’s important to be polite instead of getting a ‘reputation’ your just one of the bunch ✊

[@PatrickMarano]

Thx for the perspective

[@liner2]

Thank you, will follow all of it. And will bring all my notes when I got into a bathhouse. 😂 Love your contents. Mwah mwah!

[@PatrickMarano]

Have fun!

[@lancelessard2491]

Thanks!

[@PatrickMarano]

Thank you very much! xo

[@leowoodwind7723]

Your thoughtful ponderings, analysis, and knowledge is so refreshing, it makes me tear up. Wow, what a jarring experience it has been to grow up in a society where sexuality, gender, etc is such a charged, taboo, and high-stakes topic. I'm fully making this realization as I watch you talk about consent and other things so neutrally and informationally. I would have loved to have this when I was little, but I'm so glad I at least have this now. :)

[@PatrickMarano]

wow, thank you so much for the lovely comment. I really appreciate it, and I'm glad the videos are giving something to you!

[@leowoodwind7723]

@@PatrickMarano ☺🧡

[@bajanboinoho5378]

Went to Toronto steam works over the Christmas holiday. Steam room was out of service but the sauna and darkroom were poppin.

[@PatrickMarano]

I noticed that too. People were still going in though lol

[@anthonytortola1784]

I just found your channel, you channel is so good and useful!!! ❤❤ Pluss you have such a vibrant personality!!!

[@wwonka52]

He's great.

[@brian_lic]

How about “Freshen your breath before you start”. My last visit I had a whole buffet of garlic and fish in my face repeatedly all evening.

[@PatrickMarano]

Good point!

[@meremortal1720]

And those people are the ones who ask for kissing! I rarely kiss someone in a bathhouse (not to say never). People here in Toronto these days barely brush their teeth during the day, most of them don’t floss (so, brushing teeth alone isn’t enough), and they still demand a kiss with their disgusting breath! SHAME! And still didn’t say about the ones with body/odour….

[@michaelroberts2168]

I agree with all of the above, but perhaps even better I’m not just ready maybe later

[@brucetidwell7715]

Only if that's true. "maybe later..." leaves open the implication that they should check back in. If the answer is a hard "no," it's kind to soften the blow but don't leave encouragement.

[@zetaconvex1987]

Your dog is adorable. I bet she's seen things no other dog has.

[@PatrickMarano]

hahaha

[@alancrisp1582]

😢saunas and bathhouses can be very soulless places , usually afterwards i always come out feeling absolutely empty as a person .Just my personal experiences !!...

[@michaeljohndennis2231]

Me too - coming from an Irish Catholic background, I can relate, travelling home from Dublin on a sunny Sunday morning to Rural Ireland after visiting a Dublin gay sauna the night before is a very depressing experience, when the expectation is that you should be getting up and going to Mass

[@PatrickMarano]

Thanks for sharing!!

[@claudiogenson]

thank you will fallow all of it and will bring all my notes when l got into a bathhouse

[@dannybailey8949]

I tried a couple of saunas in Manchester but could not relax. This was a few years ago but a little more relaxed at a Blackpool sauna.

[@PatrickMarano]

Sometimes it's the crowd, or the space or your mindset at the time that can throw you off

[@dannybailey8949]

@@PatrickMarano Also it probably was nerves as well, feeling safe and feeling a rush.

[@jasonmatthews534]

List #1 1:29 #2. 2:52 #3 5:03

[@MrTentpegs]

One of these days I'll work up the courage to go. Maybe.

[@JimmiAlli]

You don’t need any courage. It’s very non confrontational and you will see every type of person there. It is just a matter of going and it will be fine.

[@karimbennett5651]

Just go, now!

[@Jusell]

Thanks for the tips ❤ BTW, hi, Malu 🐶

[@PatrickMarano]

haha

[@meremortal1720]

Ok, I don’t like the word clean for this, but HOW should we ask to someone if he has something Including HIV status if the word “clean” is offensive? Because it’s in this moment you show that you care about your health and also you can have an idea how much that person care about it too.

[@PatrickMarano]

Of course, and thanks for asking. You can flat out ask "do you have any STI's?" and "what's your HIV status, I'm neg on prep" for example. Make sure if you ask, you also volunteer your information. Remember, if he says he is undetectable, that means he cannot pass anything on to you cuz he is on meds and taking care of his health.

[@KabobHope]

There are no more bathhouses in my city or entire state for that matter.

[@PatrickMarano]

boooo

[@ruralmissouri]

I just resting. Thank you!

[@therealpinoyhapa]

Happy New Year, Patrick. Yes, verbal communication is cool but it does not always happen. One thing that I was going to suggest and you brought up is when the other guy is not interested for many reasons. Usually not interested is done with pushing your hand away and this comes with touching the other guy. When that happens, move away, There may be other guys into you. Feel out the bathhouse. This is my tip. Also, you once reviewed a bathhouse in Vegas, In the mid-1990s, I found the Vegas bathhouse at the time and walked the 5 or so miles off the Strip to get there. The bathhouse was ultra dirty and a place you definitely would not want to walk around barefoot. The floors were gross and all the seating areas were gross in all the rooms, The pool like body of water was dingy and filthy. Luckily I got a ride with some guy back to the Strip. It was a wholly disgusting experience back then but that was many years ago. I guess you must have gone recently to a nice, clean well-managed bathhouse in Vegas, Take care, my dear. All the best.

[@PatrickMarano]

ekkk, well they are much better now! (still a walking trek from the Strip of course)

[@tjh12473]

When guys open the sauna door wide open and let all the heat out

[@renardlacroix6745]

That's awful. It happens quite often though.

[@mikeknuckles6430]

I was told that if you have your towel over your shoulder it is a signal that you are open to being touched.

[@PatrickMarano]

Makes sense...

[@mikefilimon1584]

Great tips and very relevant!

[@daveluna7931]

Great video

[@PatrickMarano]

Glad you enjoyed it

[@daviderickennedy2194]

I ask theme they are on prep like me and or get tested regularly? Responsible people get tested regularly, period. No Exceptions. I'd still do oral, but then leave.

[@renardlacroix6745]

"Sorry, I've just arrived" is used instead of "I'm not ready" here. Quite common to say or hear that here. "Are you clean?" is a terrible question to be asked in a gay sauna. I've never asked nor never was asked that. Nevertheless I've head that question being asked once in a while; very unconfortable situation for all. Depending on the country some gay saunas will give you flip flops and a towel wrapped in plastic once you arrive. There are proper baskets for you to put them in when leaving the place. Unfortunately most guys just throw/leave them anywhere.

[@kevinseasidenj_4]

I always went with a hock up I met on the biking or bars . Good times lots three ways

[@PatrickMarano]

That true, that's an option too

[@MrDelhibelly]

regarding rejecting sex 7:27, people simply tell, they are not feeling aroused today, or feeling like have sex today. If someone get offended, then he is a jerk.

[@wisdomsounds777]

Thank you!!!😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

[@PatrickMarano]

Any time

[@artisan06]

If someone doesn’t feel comfortable if someone violates them; they should not turn around and do the same to the next person! NO DOUBLE STANDARDS!

[@nabaconference]

all solid tips!

[@chickenfarm09]

Is it permitted to walk to the front desk wearing a towel?

[@PatrickMarano]

Of course!

[@gregorykollarus8190]

Love it ❤

[@tommunyon2874]

In other words, if you wouldn't do it at the YMCA (littering, etc.) you shouldn't do it at a bath house.

[@navypinkdesign]

I’m still reeling from the knowledge that I had to cover up my gay voice growing up and now I can watch KZbin videos about what to do around naked men looking to have sex w other men inside a commercial building. 😂❤

[@PatrickMarano]

progress lol

[@alexc8512]

The groping thing is so annoying. Happens at clubs too. Totally understand girls. It’s disrespectful and arrogant to think any person is into you.

[@PatrickMarano]

100%

[@KenyadaRobinson-p8r]

Sending Love and Support 😚❤️

[@PaddyEdwardC]

I agree that all gay/bi guys should give sexual consent (giving signals or giving verbal consent) before their body parts. ❤

[@steamworksseattle]

Great advice! (thank you, Patrick) 😘😘😘

[@PatrickMarano]

Cheers!

[@PaladinesAngel]

My only one really is “No means NO!” It’s all good with the groping and such, it’s a sauna. But if someone tries it on and you say no thanks then guys need to just stop and take that. Guys don’t generally do that. They keep trying. That’s a no no NO!

[@karimbennett5651]

Don’t open to sauna door to look in (to see if there’s action) twenty times in ten minutes.

[@Piccolo...]

A question I've always had is surrounding HIV status. if poz, do I have an obligation to self disclose? Or is it an entire at your own risk type situation?

[@wayneborders7625]

In some states, people with a positive STI status MUST, BY LAW, disclose their status prior to any sexual activity.

[@Piccolo...]

@wayneborders7625 Thanks Wayne, I appreciate your response.

[@deanolium]

Regardless of the law, I would also self-disclose just to make sure everyone knows what's going on. Sure it might mean some people stop the encounter there and then - even if you're undetectable - but that's their choice. The worst thing you want is someone finding out and then bad word is put around about you not telling.

[@renardlacroix6745]

You are talking about the US, aren't you? Things change from country to country.

[@chrisbaier6252]

You have to remember that people are going to lie or may not know. They could have caught something in the past two weeks. They could have been tested 6 months ago and still cling to that as being negative.

[@brucewinther6926]

That is one lucky long haired dachshund Great advice Patrick as usual Spending one on one time with you is what would be great

[@Bwsq70]

i've had a guy guys tell me they r looking for generous guys

[@PatrickMarano]

hmmm generous as in... money?

[@garywilson9640]

Tell me next time you are going there. It will save me from buying a year round pass

[@PatrickMarano]

haha

[@joemiller1312]

I actually have a little off this topic question; I recently went to an arcade and had a great time. But when I got home I discovered I had several bed bug bites. I have been warning people on Snffies and such. I get some people that say they have too. I stopped trying and certainly don't go there anymore. Any thoughts or ways to warn others?

[@justchickenstrips]

Arcade?

[@PatrickMarano]

Oh there's a bit of an epidemic going around I think. I saw a video about that on a street car in Toronto. Tell the owners of the arcade so they can take care of it.

[@davidpeterson506]

U didn't mention illegal drugs

[@PatrickMarano]

I have in other videos...

[@t0nyc0nde]

Patrick, you are truly one of the most handsome men I have ever laid eyes on. You are painfully beautiful.

[@PatrickMarano]

Oh god... thank you

[@d11j09l92]

Tbh, a lot of guys take “clean” as having a cleaned-out 🍑 these days. It’s important to educate others that the word doesn’t mean STI status, though. 👍🏼

[@divakingsley9020]

I’m a 100% TOP and when I ask the simple question to the Bottom if he’s into Raw or Condoms…they mostly never answer my simple question🤦🏾‍♂️, but then they ask me if I’m “Clean”…I simply tell them…”YES I’m clean because I shower daily & YES I’m HIV/STD Negative’.

[@d11j09l92]

Thanks for your input, 100% TOP. 👍@@divakingsley9020

[@habibibbm3307]

❤❤❤

[@tobygoodguy4032]

I wh I had this Emily Post vid 45 years ago. (LMFAO).

[@PatrickMarano]

hahahaha

[@rschmidt9699]

U interested in a dude? Eye contact simple as that nothing more needed

[@Pisti846]

The Emily Post of the Gay World.

[@PatrickMarano]

LOL

[@toddfh]

I had to clutch my pearls hearing some still being grabby in this age of consent. Leaving trash behind totally believe. Probably thinking that's what staff's for 🙄 Liked the "INR" tip. Takes a lot of pressure off and it's classy.

[@mickglenn3531]

How can u put on big boy pants when all have is a towel???..............................LOL

[@PatrickMarano]

hahaha

[@bg8753]

I’ll stop asking people if they are clean once poz guys stop lying about their status. Stop w the word police. Poz guys going around topping raw and lying about thier status and I’m supposed to walk on eggshells regarding word choice?

[@PatrickMarano]

I'm sorry you've had such negative experiences. If you've encountered this type of bad behaviour, consider why they are not disclosing, because of the rejection and shame they constantly deal with from others. Also, if a poz guy is on his meds and is undetectable, he cannot pass on the virus. Period. Point is, don't rely on others to take care of your sexual health. If you don't trust anyone, use a condom and get on PrEP.

[@bg8753]

@@PatrickMarano Medication blocking transmission is not an excuse for lying about one’s status. As for taking preventative measures on my own, why don’t I also wear a parachute on an airplane just in case the pilot sucks? Why should I have to take extremely strong medications so that HIV positive guys don’t get their feelings hurt?

[@leewaters5949]

I'm poz, and I'm obnoxiously open about it, but it's not my job to protect your health. It's yours. You shouldn't be having raw sex unless you're prepared to deal with the possible ramifications. Frankly, you should assume everyone is positive and act according to your own comfort level. I realize that demonizing HIV+ guys is as much a kink for some of you as fetishizing us is, but you really must be aware that you're more likely to contract HIV from someone who doesn't know his status, whereas most of us who were responsible enough to be tested and go on medication don't have viral loads compatible with your narrative. I don't personally take any offense to being asked if I'm "clean", because I am what I am regardless of what anyone thinks they know due to my serostatus. But my sweet summer child, the only thing you achieve by asking guys if they're clean is to absolve yourself of the responsibility to take care of your own health, handing that responsibility over to a stranger who (see above) may not even know he is HIV+, and then blaming HIV+ guys for facing the consequences of your own actions. Unless you were forced, "poz guys going around topping raw and lying about their status" is only a problem if you're going around bottoming raw without the maturity to accept the consequences of that choice.

[@bg8753]

@ I guess you missed the part of my comment that stated my frustration with people LYING about their status. Did you just write a novel trying to rationalize poz guys lying about their status?

[@fresatx]

Im 52 years old and straight.. But your videos have made me authoritative on Bathhouses Bro! Like onna real I can give advice to mofos like my friends at work. "Ramon you KNOW your swishy azzz needs to be on clear liquid diet right now..tryin to help you out dude" 😂

[@PatrickMarano]

Hey, thanks for watching and keeping an open mind... if only every straight guy was like you!

[@fresatx]

@@PatrickMarano Bro Im just jealous! Wish there where girls lined up in themed rooms and jacuzzi and all that... My life would but MUCH easier... Nahhhh you gotta jump through hoops and all that BS... Lol

[@richardlionheart3965]

@@fresatx there used to be co-ed bath houses but you'd need a time machine

[@brucetidwell7715]

Some swingers clubs allow single men.

[@phillipkuhlman7468]

dont go to a bathhouse. sex with just a body and no connection? ugh

[@PatrickMarano]

Thx for the comment but to each their own

[@PatrickMarano]

Also, I met my partner of 8 years (and counting) at a bathhouse

[@karimbennett5651]

I’ve made lots of friends going to the Steamworks in Toronto. It’s not just all sex. There is a social element.

[@meremortal1720]

Sometimes i even don’t ask the names. I don’t want boyfriends anymore. Done with gays !

[@maronglaze6529]

Beautiful sweaty

[@1aikane]

Don't go at all

[@PatrickMarano]

That's an option that you are able to make too

[@justheretolook170]

Your paying so , so throwing some trash on the ground is fine

[@PatrickMarano]

Nope, it's disrespectful

[@Why_even_try]

No, that's just being disgusting and disrespectful to others.

[@robhernandez3593]

I find this post lame.

[@PatrickMarano]

You're allowed. But posting a negative comment without more explanation is also super lame.

[@rv9900]

I just cant take rejection

[@PatrickMarano]

It's not often a hard core rejection, unless you're really pursuing someone. Eye contact and a smile lets you know they are into you

[@richards5843]

[@mb-py4wh]

ya'll nasty AF.

[@PatrickMarano]

now now... we do not judge on this channel

[@mb-py4wh]

@@PatrickMarano that's not a judgment, that's a fact.

[@davidsolo9398]

Thanks!

[@PatrickMarano]

Thank you so much my friend!