Bill Burr - Tattoos

/ themmpodcast and billburr.com/ and www.allthingscomedy.com/

[@AlexTrubinDesign]

"Damn...this bitch is Deep"

[@georgyporgy777]

lmao had me ROLLING there

[@LeoSkyro]

+Enoch same, I randomly remembered it and had to come back to this video

[@chromemaster3519]

+Trub1n A whole five inches.

[@AlexTrubinDesign]

Chrome Master if u lucky

[@GamingPenis]

:'D

[@Vaporvice84]

A tattoo that says "I am enough the way I am" is the best oxymoron ever.

[@sp-mm2wr]

@@nickdipaolofan5948 Well what if someone says "you're brave" to a trans person... wheres the oxymoron then? Your example is dependent on a few words that could be changed and your the one calling people retards smh

[@sp-mm2wr]

@WickedFrigginRyan please be a joke

[@Br0teas]

worn by a moron too I bet :D

[@theguywhoisaustralian1465]

@@sp-mm2wr if they're enough the way they are why do they need a tattoo? That's what hes saying.

[@DelphineTheWorstBladeEver]

@@sp-mm2wr triggered

[@tudorvlad3036]

"Damn!! This b***h is deep"......I WAS ON THE FLOOR! =))

[@mutwersc]

Same! LMFAO

[@polreamonn]

Balls deep by the looks of things.

[@AFMCarlos]

Sometimes I caught myself randomly laughing on this

[@smithryansmith]

"Getting a tattoo is branding you as someone not worthy of talking to" Genius. Getting that inked.

[@atomicalien4]

💀

[@greengrass4945]

🔥

[@hahahaha-ut6ir]

As he goes on Joe Rogans podcast multiple times

[@oxinym]

😭

[@bobsherman904]

"That's written in French so you know it's pretentious" 😂😂😂

[@Pentagathusosaurus]

Hahaha I like how native French speakers just don't exist to Bill

[@joesuchy1157]

@velveteyes79 French people are pretentious

[@nostromoau]

If you fall down 7 times and get up 7 times….you're standing up...

[@johnhook4946]

nostromoau Or sitting down

[@eddiemalvin]

Unless you started on the ground...

[@azz75sl]

Eddie M how do you fall if you’re already on the ground?

[@jwhite973]

@@azz75sl You started on the ground then one day you stood up

[@DAL201107]

Yes, exactly. Fall down 7 get up 8 implies that you’ve fallen only 7 times, but you can’t get up an 8th without an 8th fall. Lol. By simple math, we can reduce this to Fall down, get up. Does it have to be more complicated than that? Fall down, Get up. That’s it.

[@user-qn7ty8ig7s]

" Don't Blow It! Keep It Simple! Count Your Money!" Going to be on my chest.

[@shanghaibricks3300]

Don't simple! Keep it money! Count your blow! solid neck tattoo

[@frarfarf]

"Damn.. this bitch is deep"

[@YouAlreadyKnowBabi]

frarfarf CTFU bro!!

[@TheBeatKeeper]

10:01 "Everybody else has one. I want one, too" - Bill Burr This sums it up.

[@xellosmetallium8519]

The really reason why Bill Burr never got a tattoo is because he is scared of needles and pain. Don't worry Billy boy, your are not alone.

[@MRJTD99]

@@xellosmetallium8519 Or he's just not a pretentious douchebag. Either or.

[@malcolmnicoll1165]

These days, NOT having a tattoo is a great way to express your individuality.

[@gar137]

Ain't it ironic that in this day having a body free of ink is a subversive act?

[@gar137]

Bronze- do you need a hug, buttercup?

[@gar137]

+Bronze Johnson you better watch it or I'll take up karate and beat up your dog.

[@gar137]

+Bronze Johnson it saddens me that we've got off on the wrong foot. All the good times we could have had: you attending my initiation into the Elks Club; me dropping you off or picking you up at the methadone clinic; you marveling over my limited-edition Star Trek Commemorative Plates; me helping you decide between ketchup and catsup. O, a pox on my world if you're not a part of it!

[@gar137]

+Bronze Johnson awesome, possum!

[@willbond]

I've always thought if a chick wants a tramp stamp it should be a tatt of an open guestbook so visitors could sign in....

[@rbw19800]

Or a dart board.

[@kevinw6814]

I recently had a second date with a girl my age (33) who had the Footprints in the Sand poem tattooed on her lower back. The most cliché poem in the worst possible place. I called her out, laughing at the idea of some guy hitting it from the back, reading the poem while he's balls-deep, and immediately feeling convicted by the Holy Spirit for his premarital fornication. There was no third date.

[@oxbloodfitness7375]

Best tramp stamp ever seen (wasn't on lower back)Hooked up with a girl who had all seven continents outlined across her ass cheeks. Quite literally: F THE WORLD

[@jc.1191]

🤣

[@cannabliss7403]

I'm 25 and I totally agree. It's funny that every girl I come across with a tattoo either has a butterfly, a star, a cross, or a flower. 🤣

[@xellosmetallium8519]

Don't forget cats, there personal totems.

[@mrichar9]

unimaginative basic broads

[@Brevspread]

"A stitch in time saves the sorcerer who gets up early catches the worm." My next tattoo around my neck.

[@amazingflavour]

Damn... This bitch is deep... Hahahahaha

[@nickgarcia1292]

thank you for not taking this shit so serious. there are tons of terrible tattoos who gives a fuck tho if others think its garbage if it means something to the person. its not you why would you care? im happy with mine and want more. buut yea its like opinions you may not agree but it doesnt have any effect on your life so move on.

[@notinterested100]

that was vicious. I love Bill

[@utah133]

I'm 66 and no tats. There's nothing I'm sure enough of to permanently put on myself. There are T shirts if I feel like making a statement, and I've thrown out a lot of shirts.

[@michaelmathews4103]

I'm 21, and I knew if I ever got a tattoo it'd be something meaningful to me. My mom recently passed so I thought I'd get a memorial tattoo. But then I thought- Why? So I'd always remember her? Like I would ever forget? Suddenly realized if something is that meaningful to you then why tf would you get it inked?? You'll obviously always remember it lol

[@JAMAICAN876]

Hahahahaha his rendition of Little Boxes, is pure gold.

[@monsieurhulot8273]

I'm tattooed from my neck down to my ankles and this shit was hilarious! Bill is the man!

[@Gurt515]

eric guevara same here man lol

[@Villaboy-ih6xb]

ive got my arms and back fully tattooed (not my Hands) I don't know why people get neck tattoos its like they hate jobs

[@sud6646]

And how many of them do you regret?

[@gussstavo]

Freak! Youre disgusting!!!

[@gussstavo]

@@Villaboy-ih6xb i do hate jobs actually

[@Pillowcase]

"if you meet a girl with a foot tattoo - you gotta go in another direction."

[@totalannihilation9065]

Dude! chicks with tattoos are hot. They are amazing in bed. I think what you're trying to say is "If you see a girl with a tattoo, fuck her, then walk away".

[@totalannihilation9065]

@@3DGECASE I think the guy who made the comment I replied too meant tattoos all together. That's why I said that. Yeah I watched the video.

[@angelgjr1999]

Especially neck tattoos. That woman is a psycho if she has a tattoo there.

[@Frankybroadcast]

I hate tattoos on women's feet.

[@iconoclancy]

I don't think people should be allowed to have opinions about things. But that's just my opinion.

[@simplyhuman3982]

Love this comment.

[@nasirmiller9035]

I just might get this tattooed

[@MrVimFuago]

What about a tramp stamp of Lady and the Tramp showing each their stamp collection?

[@searchlight18]

+C.J. McBeard It once was that a guy got really drunk and got a tattoo. It's now an industry based on stupidity. You'll be 75 with that same stupid shit on your body.

[@MrVimFuago]

I wouldnt be surprised if by the time I am 75 there's a tattoo removal app in iphones.

[@searchlight18]

C.J. McBeard You should hope so. As of now, they be faded somewhat but not removed.

[@MrVimFuago]

Have you been drinking?

[@searchlight18]

C.J. McBeard Yes, but it would be a good investment since 30 percent people under 30 have tattoos.It's called drunk texting. God Bless you, my friend..

[@Xythantiops]

"I am enough the way I am..." So why did you need the Tattoo????????????????

[@facelessandnameless]

Xythantiops Exactly 🤣

[@DelphineTheWorstBladeEver]

For attention, duh!!!

[@Marcara081]

Bill relates these inspirational message tattoos to a bad childhood? Good call Bill.

[@richardeast3328]

It's like look at me, but no criticism.

[@timdel4383]

His 50's song 😂

[@hrquijano78]

"damn...this bitch is deep!"

[@Poeterish]

"Not only do you get to enjoy their beauty, they get to help you out with life"

[@Moons_haunted]

Me, with my late cat's paw print tattooed on my wrist opening this video getting ready to be bashed by my favorite comedian. I still laughed the whole way through! Gotta love good ol' bitter Billy Burr

[@danieldaw1778]

"A stitch in time saves the sorcerer who gets up early and catches the worm". My God, that's fucking gold!

[@Hermunkle]

Across Chest: If you Can read this I'm Probably Drunk Please Roll Me Over So I Don't Drown In My Own Vomit

[@chadtyrone458]

🤢🤮😵👍

[@lynnturman8157]

I'm gonna get a tattoo that says "The herd moves and I follow"

[@brsvideos8143]

I want those 30 seconds of just Bill singing to be the theme song of a TV show set in you know what decade.

[@DougBolinOnAir]

I have thirteen tattoos and each one is more meaningless then the next. At least I don't have anything that's supposed to be inspirational or a butterfly on my ankle. Great segment Bill!

[@stevecarey2030]

I have a tattoo on my neck that says "Don't hire me" in Chinese characters.

[@cd0u50c9]

Loving the fact I haven't got one. Over the years the meaning behind tattoos just drops, and so does my wish to ever get one.

[@stupidandboot4507]

Eh. I've had my tats for 3 years and the meaning hasn't faded, just changed a bit

[@RighteousThunder32]

After I pistol whipped every banker I found...

[@ronniemartillo]

In my experience, the people with the most tattoos are usually the most insecure. People who are comfortable in their own skin speak volumes through body language and attitudes rather than looks.

[@TheNotebartello]

I want the "A stitch in time saves the sorcerer who gets up early and catches the worm" tattoo!! Great idea Bill.

[@winkmurder]

The "I was in heaven, I was in hell.. Believe in neither but fear them as well." is Modest Mouse lyrics.

[@natepudner1897]

Was searching for this comment

[@ryancosgrove8420]

Nate Pudner same

[@JohnDoe-le7ml]

edgy

[@blakecorea1512]

Sad

[@austinsandifer5006]

"Oh Jezz Oh Wow,I never looked at it that way,thank God you wrote that on your rib cage"😂😂😂😂

[@UKVapor]

YES BILL! your improv song had me on the floor.

[@damiencross5110]

I listen to the bray of my heart I am I am I am That is hilarious!

[@chancebrown106]

People pride themselves on saying “I’m real, I’m different.” and yet everyone has the same 8 typical tattoos. You are just like everyone else.

[@n003326]

😂 exactly

[@herculesrockefeller2984]

I was thinking of getting a Tribal Band-Chinese Symbol-ButterflySkull-Biblical quote-Tramp Stamp on my forehead.. It will go well with my ex-lovers names and my kids birthdates..

[@Dustincooley39]

cool avatar

[@rbw19800]

Hahaha

[@lac2500]

this girl I know wants to get a portrait of her grandpa on her back... Just what I wanna see while I'm fucking - a picture of an old mans face! People are insane

[@OfficialJoeKingOne]

You also forgot the trail of animal paw prints because you love animals.

[@DaylightRobberyCA]

Everything I hear from Bill Burr makes me like him more and more

[@crazyjoedavola5430]

"Damn, this byatch is deep" 😺

[@darkomarkovsky5890]

This guy is fucking awesome

[@grupil]

“I was in heaven, I was in hell, believed in neither but feared them as well” is a Modest Mouse lyric 😂

[@woodheatingcooling3317]

A douche I met got overpaid and spent $700 on getting water symbol on one arm and a dreams symbol on the other My brother says upon his return" Man U just got wet dreams tattooed on you.

[@darrendix5163]

Bill Burr ROCKS!! Thinks the same way I do, and makes me feel sane in an insane world. Every single subject, even the ones he's not allowed to talk about, we know how Bill feels...

[@johncallahan4412]

bill burr has the best podcasts to listen to when doing a little wake-n-bake lol

[@jameszgorzelski8076]

I wish I never got tattoos when I was younger. I feel like a trendy tool now

[@durkadurka9711]

James Zgorzelski same

[@adamwalkeraw]

You are....sorry!!i was a drug addict for 12 years but at least i changed that!!we all have to live with shit decisions...

[@Punkpsychobilly]

I hear that man. Fortunately I waited until I was 31 to get my first, so I don’t regret anything I’ve gotten. If I would have gotten the tattoos I thought were cool as a teenager, I’d look like a tool now as well.

[@jefeaa9165]

LMAO Embrace your tats like a man and don't let these dorks put you down

[@hahahaha-ut6ir]

Imagine letting other peoples opinions make you feel like a trendy tool. You have a real weak sense of self.

[@johnmiller5679]

When grandmothers are getting tattoos on their feet it's over. Remember when guys who were in the service or jail had tattoos and the only woman who had them were pure trash. Yes the good old days when a woman who had a tat was the bad girl and the guy with a tat was not to be messed with. Now soccer moms had tattoos so it's to the point where i'm a rebel because I don't have one. I remember 80's porn where this chick Viper had tats and she was doing things nobody else would do but now is the main stream. Boy I miss those days.

[@johnmiller5679]

@James Chapman Yes I am rebelling by literally not following everyone else. Tattoos are for people who are not sure about themselves and their coolness. I am well aware of my coolness.

[@Jack655321]

everyone has tattoo's nowadays, you're edgier if you have none.

[@frogdeity]

Not at all. They're also degenerate.

[@4rn0ld13]

Depends on where you live. Not everybody has them. But Bill's got a point. I mean why would you defile your body with pictures? Are you not happy with the way you were born? It is fake ant artificial. Having tatoos shows that you have a low self esteem or that you are a slave to suggestion (this design looks cool so imma get it). Those are the only 2 options imho.

[@christsbassist89]

4rn0ld13 generally i get tattoos because i enjoy them. i think its fun. i'll get more in the future, im sure nothing profound or meaningful. i'm not trying to look better or impress/inspire anyone else. just some stuff that i like. its really just that simple. i dont understand why i need low self esteem or need to be a slave to enjoy a small part of human culture. to enjoy some colors and images on a temporary body slowly making its way to the cemetery. its cool you dont have tattoos, i'm sure you look good. but maybe you're taking yourself and your time here too seriously?

[@tomeboaventura9054]

christsbassist89 Tattoos are a masochist behavior, to subject yourself to pain and enjoy it - that can be related to slave mentality. I'm not judging I personally thing everyone likes a little of S&M now and then. If it is just for fun then why all the deep, deep stuff, like meaningfull phrases, chinese proverbs, and so on. If it where for fun most of the people would write a joke, a one-liner, or a satiric cartoon dont you think? I apreciate art specially japanese style and I think they look cool but a picture of a carp is different from a pretencious frase, you know what i mean? In the end it all comes to fashion, vanity and trends. [YOLO] :D

[@christsbassist89]

Luiz Rodrigues cant say i disagree friend

[@DeanoPiano]

He’s right, i couldn’t give a shit, I haven’t seen one tattoo yet that has remotely impressed me.

[@mrwhinnie]

"It's written in French so you know its pretentious"

[@boogersincoffee]

Listened to this podcast 2 years ago and have heard Bill Burr in my head every time I've seen one of these tattoos since. "Damn.....this bitch is deep"

[@xJohnnyBloodx]

"fall down 7 times stand up 8"? wouldn't you only need to stand up 7 times?

[@eddiemalvin]

Not if you started on the ground...

[@Dbgreene]

@@eddiemalvin But how would you fall on the ground?

[@philorgneopolotin8762]

Eddie M yeah I hate when I’m lying on the ground and then suddenly I start falling down towards the ground

[@KoRno21]

This comment section is full of opinions. Don't take it so seriously.

[@pretorious700]

Wow, opinions? Really? Who knew?

[@KoRno21]

+pretorious700 I guess you didn't.

[@johnhook4946]

Full of them, tattoos that is

[@blaugot]

This trend with a bunch of tattoos all over the body, trying to be a bad ass is getting really annoying, its trash.. What ever happened to the days when only gangsters, sailors, prison inmates and people in the army could rock them and it would actually mean something. And those guys were legit bad asses, because they actually went through some real shit.

[@RoadRunner217]

+Alex Sturm The worst thing these days isn't the stuff you do, but how people react to it. I don't have tattoos, but I love good tattoos. I find tattoos on women attractive, they look good on men as well. I don't give a single flying fuck what anybody says about what anyone is trying to achieve, by getting a tattoo. If I wanna get a tattoo, I don't wanna get it because everyone else has one, because i'm gonna be more edgy, because I wanna be bad ass, I just would want one 'cause I find them aesthetic. People in general have no idea what a tattoo can mean to someone. They create their fucking useless opinion and go "oh he just wants to look bad ass! what a loser!". What the fuck happened to humanity where everyone has to make their opinion about others by looking at them for 5 seconds and go "oh he's this and that!". It's fucking disgusting. You guys in the comment section that vomit their shit about not liking tattoos and therefor spreading false facts: You call tattoos retarded? You should take a look in the mirror, the demons you create are not in the others, they are right inside your own fucking minds. Not liking something is one side, but following up with your retarded assumptions...

[@blaugot]

BengoManiff Thanks for the tipp bengo

[@ponrix]

exactly

[@abc456f]

+BengoManiff Remember to spell "aesthetic" correctly when you tattoo it in your pubic hair.

[@RoadRunner217]

srg914 Wait a minute, I have to laugh. Hm. No, sorry, I can't bring myself to do it. Please try harder next time.

[@bsmpsu]

Props if you caught the Semisonic-Closing Time lyric

[@AlmostaFlipinSkater]

"Side of your hip." Lmao, Bill, it's just called the "hip". The front and back of your hip would be the waist.

[@clarebuxton9066]

If a tree falls in the woods respect yourself.

[@StephJ0seph]

I actually really liked that little tune in the beginning there @1:32 The only thing I would change is for the last verse to say, "But it's the 1950s so nobody gives a shit." So that it can rhyme with the previous line

[@SHAZPEREZ]

Thanks for the uploads of bill

[@jesshadfield6204]

Bill's a comedian. Don't take this stuff seriously. If you don't have tattoos, whatever. If you do, whatever. If someone judges you for having or not having them, they're a piece of shit and not worth your time.

[@williamwallace3780]

If you can take the praise you should be able to take the criticism. When people say "omgz i love your tattoo, you have such good taste" do you say "Fuck off, don't judge me to have good taste: I might have picked this at random on a drunken night out." No? Why not?

[@jesshadfield6204]

William Wallace "omgz i love your tattoo, you have such good taste" -No one ever.

[@williamwallace3780]

Jess Hadfield So what you're saying is no one gives you positive attention for tattoos, only negative attention? Then that's quite a masochistic gesture. You could instead pay someone to flog that spot on your body and it wouldn't leave a permanent mark.

[@jesshadfield6204]

William Wallace So what you're saying is that when someone eventually says "omgz i love your tattoo, you have such good taste", it'll give other people permission to go "omgz i hate your tattoo, you should jump off something really tall" or something equally as exaggerated and unlikely?

[@williamwallace3780]

Jess Hadfield What are you even talking about? I am saying no living person getting a tattoo does not know that there can be negative consequences. I'm saying deal with them, stop bitching. You want the "cool factor" right? Didn't that cool factor come from people that didn't care what others thought getting tattoos? So stop whining that people don't like your tattoos: you're kind of bringing the whole act down.

[@mbuvito]

“I was in heaven, I was in hell. Believe in neither, but fear them as well.” Tattoo artist had to be cracking tf up 😅

[@mattsmith1705]

"Ah that ones written in French, so you know its pretentious" 😂😂

[@HarrisonRocks]

For anyone wondering, the quote he is referring to is "It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves" which is an abbreviation from Julius Ceasar, not the guy but the Shakespeare play and it's a sloppy edit of the actual line: "The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, But in ourselves, that we are underlings." Which is from a scene where Brutus expresses his belief that the fate of oneself cannot be changed in the face of insurmountable odds. It's a good quote just done poorly.

[@trje246]

-"I am enough the way I am"- ... SO I got a tattoo. :oD

[@gothivore277]

“ established in _______” < insert year

[@philorgneopolotin8762]

Wow good ol’ billy blue balls should teach an anatomy class lmao

[@Preacherpreachhh]

“This bitch is deep” after looking at the tattoo 👌 funniest joke of they year

[@bastiangustavsen3168]

6.17 The first lyric to Doin The Cockroach by Modest Mouse hahaha

[@jakemortinson3310]

The "i was in heaven, i was in hell, believe in neither, but fear them as well" is a modest mouse lyric.

[@Nillon24]

Lol at "I listened to the bray of my heart.....I am, I am, I am." I think that might be the funniest shit I've ever heard!

[@thecourierNCR]

Lol "squibbly squib squabbly doos"

[@rusroyce]

I'm on a MMPC video purgatory, and i gotta say i love when he cuts them out too jokes

[@letsgobrandon136]

Fall down 7 times get up 8? Sounds like my field sobriety test lmao

[@CO1GEE]

Lol tge way he asked "is this bombing" was so sincere...

[@chriscampbell4344]

I wonder what people in the fifties would have thought if they knew that half a decade in the future, everyone wanted to look like an ex-con?

[@brucesmith596]

Chris Campbell I don’t think it happened in 5 years lol

[@vlopez078]

In the fifties people drank from separate water fountains so who cares what those old bastards would think

[@nickdipaolofan5948]

@@vlopez078 yeah, and other people from that era fought for civil rights, so maybe some of them we should listen to.

[@jemimahkendall6579]

@@vlopez078 so screw your grandmother

[@hahahaha-ut6ir]

@@nickdipaolofan5948 and you think the people who fought for civil rights give a fuck about tattoos?

[@ultimat3pwnag31]

3:48 "shall we." I'm fuckin dead

[@thusoselebi1608]

this guy kills me every time 😂😂

[@omegajesus97]

3:17 "Damn. This bitch is deep!" 😂😂 you had me ill Bill! Laughed the fuck out loud. Twice.

[@The-D-Hoyt]

I been saying since 91' that I think I'm going to be the last person without a tattoo. I actually came close a few times, would be with a friend that was getting one, and would think "why not? it just a little tat", then come to my senses. That whole grunge movement of 90s, I couldn't go a day without a chick or dude I knew or worked with wanting to show me a new tattoo or piercing. But my thoughts were/are basically the same. If I don't mark myself, then I'm the odd one out, and I feel fine with that.

[@dannyd1098]

haha this was an amazing rant

[@rubbersole79]

"I do what the voices in my wifes head tell me to do....."

[@IAMBENNYBLANCO.]

This is freakin' hilarious LOL. #tattoofree

[@iracoover2881]

lol this is great!!

[@habibullah610able]

Bill is the Man! Lol I have this rant about tattoos too

[@Steface52]

In-fa-nite! Too funny!!

[@Xalgucennia]

I think the line is from Shakespeare "It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves."

[@sigurdh.s8320]

«Is this bonbing?» lmao

[@carlosmachado7067]

Spent 10 minutes shitting on people with tattoos and ended with "know what, dont listen to me". Classic Bill.

[@kenmount294]

I just love that one about falling down 7 times and getting up 8. It's not even possible but hey, if it makes you feel better tattoo incorrect mathmatics on your body then more power to ya! LOL!

[@7Be]

"I was in heaven, I was in hell/believed in neither but feared them as well" is actually a pretty cool modest mouse lyric. Still corny to get tattooed on yourself though.

[@bigh7972]

Billy baggins, they have tattoos written on their bodies so guys are reading and contemplating the meaning of life so perhaps they will last a little longer while they are doing the deed.

[@Orenoryori]

"Take a chance, Columbus did!"

[@faciality]

ball in the socket? ball in the joint? the shoulder i think? 😂😂

[@Timberhawk]

“The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”

[@RaVeN1K]

"WoW! That Bitch is deep." xD

[@shittygameclips5322]

Did he really say infinte “in-fi-night” lmao