My Wife's Mental Illness Has Devastated Our Relationship r/Relationships

[@jacquiethebibliophil]

MIL isn't acting from shock and hurt, she's acting from wet your pants panic. She knows she will end up with the daughter forever.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Wife needs inpatient treatment. She will not take meds that will help her. She's already hit OP. She is a danger to herself and others. He's in over his head

[@pansprayers]

Sometimes that's easier said than done. I know a couple of people - both in the UK and the US - who've been more than qualified for being committed/sanctioned (one was begging for it), and couldn't get a bed at a facility that fit their needs. The decision was made in both cases that no treatment was better than the wrong treatment, until/if the proper facility had a place for them. One finally got a bed (UK) after two and a half years of begging, the other (US) never got a bed, the marriage fell apart, and that individual is no longer with us. The unfortunate reality is that, 'in sickness and in health' is a really rose colored view of the world, that was written in with zero understanding of neurological disorders, and other extreme issues that were usually written off as a spiritual crisis - and then followed by either exorcism, or later kicking people off into sanatoriums that make Gitmo look like a five star resort. I don't fault the OP one bit for not being able to deal with this. I'm sure his heart feels like it's being ripped out through his chest, but the whole thing boils down to, you can't be the sole anchor of reality when your partner is off in another dimension, and refuses to come back to you.

[@Flufferz626]

She did, she was committed for 3 weeks straight. I wasn't even in hospital for my stroke for that long.

[@amberleeannalee1999]

Outpatient Intensive therapy after that then halfway house and constant therapy and med treatment. She should be alone no relationships until she gets stabilized

[@robertbishop5158]

I was in a abusive relationship for 15 years yes 15 years 10 years was physical Abuse. I was constantly belittled daily bit By bit ground down to almost nothing My only solace was being at work 50 hrs. A week for almost 15 years even being Hospitalized yes and went back being In love makes you do crazy things God this post hit me really hard. They Ended up being bipolar with multiple Personalities but few years later the Physical abuse started again then I Snapped to my senses got a bus ticket And left 1000 miles away with just three Sets of clothes and essentials this Happened 1 year before the pandemic So I'm free but leaving on that bus I felt free, scared, afraid and stupid But couldn't cry or break down in front Of people on the bus didn't want have The driver to call the police. I couldn't Break down until 2 and half years later I just want to give this guy the biggest Hug he's ever had

[@tardislady9546]

@@amberleeannalee1999 So anyone with mental illness should never be allowed love, or to have relationships? People with mental illness cannot just ;snap out of it', and cannot always be 'nice, or be the model of decorum that you demand they be. You do not have the ability to be civil, so you will be even more vile, or patronising, or sexist, or mocking, if you reply.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

After all the years of all kinds of abuse, essentially not having an actual wife, OP has been through enough. No one blames him for carrying on with the divorce and moving on - and definitely no contact with any of them after this. In fact, sell the house, split the equity and move - making sure no one knows to where!

[@johnsmith-kt7ef]

I would have been out a long time ago. Tbh I would have never gotten back together with her after the “break” never have and never will if we can’t deal with our issues in an adult way and a “break” is needed in checked out

[@samiulhuda4001]

why would anyone blame him she should have dumped her a** and moved on long time ago.

[@tardislady9546]

@@johnsmith-kt7ef If you would refuse to support a partner who is ill, and not always able to be mature and 'nice', you do not deserve to have a relationship.

[@tardislady9546]

No one 'chooses; to have mental illness. She is not an abuser. Clearly, you have never been ill, and never had to suffer, yourself.

[@samiulhuda4001]

@@tardislady9546 you can support them but you dont have to get ill in the process. you can support them as a friend and move on

[@someanon1984]

This man's in an abusive relationship. Mental health issues or not, there's no reason why he should have to put up with this behaviour, especially if she refuses to do anything about it.

[@bjtaylor-j9w]

Someone having mental illness does NOT make them an abuser. It is people like you who stop people who are suffering from seeking help.

[@someanon1984]

@@bjtaylor-j9w I would love for you to quote where I said that the wife is an abuser BECAUSE she's mentally ill. Please, go right ahead.

[@bjtaylor-j9w]

@@someanon1984 You said he was in an abusive relationship. Go back to your hating. I'm done.

[@someanon1984]

@@bjtaylor-j9w Ohhhh I see now. You're one of those people who use mental illness as an excuse to be abusive and then have the nerve to call other people ableist for calling it out. In that case, then we really are done here.

[@vampire9545]

​@@bjtaylor-j9wyou're right she's just an abuser

[@lizfritz6546]

Look, as someone who is mentally ill, PTSD having, lives in a dissociative state often, has dealt with some of the symptoms listed by the OP, has has genetic testing and will be on medications my entire life, sometimes you just need to go. That’s my advice. It isn’t abandoning her in her time of need, but taking care of yourself. The wife needs significantly more care than she is getting, which is the only thing he can do.

[@withlove2963]

She's also not interested in getting better, I'd never dream of not treating my illness. I LIKE being better, it doesn't seem like she cares.

[@withlove2963]

Out of curiosity, did the genetic test have to do with mental illness? I'm trying to figure out a better way to determine what my issues are, i.e. chemicals, hormones, etc

[@tardislady9546]

@@withlove2963 You are a liar. You have never experienced mental illness. If you had, you would understand that people with mental illness cannot always see when they are not being rational, and are not always capable of being the models of decorum that you expect them to be. You do not have the balls to reply in a civil manner.

[@gregjayonnaise8314]

S1: This is an abusive relationship. Yes, the wife has mental health issues, but it is her personal responsibility to manage herself and make sure others are not harmed by her symptoms, and that means taking medication and going to therapy. Plenty of mentally ill people can have healthy marriages, even when they need assistance. She has no excuse. If she’s genuinely divorced from reality, then she needs a caretaker whose qualified to help her. If she’s not, then she needs to take some responsibility for her actions.

[@backpug1228]

@FoxLimbs well, everyone makes it easy for her. Excusing it because of her mental illnesses. Well tough luck, life isnt always easy. And she doesnt even do the bare minimun to accept responsabillity for her actions. Mental health is a reason, but not the excuse.

[@ItsMiireen]

@FoxLimbs its not easy, but i have mental issues as well and guess what? I don't lash out at other people just because I'm feeling bad. Mental illness is NO excuse for your behavior.

[@gregjayonnaise8314]

@FoxLimbs I know it’s not easy. But living with mental illness means you HAVE to do certain things if you want to have a functioning life. She’s literally abusing her husband because of her refusal to get assistance. Plenty of mentally ill people manage to lead fulfilling lives (including ones that are heavily assisted) and don’t harm their partners. She has no excuse for her cheating, hitting and financial abuse. I’d understand if her illness was so severe that she was unable to even understand what was fully wrong, and that could very well be the case. However, her husband and her have had talks about it before, and even broken up once, so, surely, she’s aware of how her behavior is impacting others, right? I know it’s not an easy task, taking psychotic medication can really mess you up and it’s insanely exhausting. But if the alternative is literally being an abusive partner, the choice seems obvious. It’s not her fault she’s mentally ill. It’s not her fault she has delusions and paranoia. But she has no business causing active harm to those around her. If she literally can’t control her actions, then that’s understandable, but it also means she probably should not be married until she can get to a point where she won’t put someone in danger. What if they had kids? I don’t want her to be cured, but she needs to manage her illness just like countless others do everyday.

[@deborahyoung1873]

@FoxLimbs doesn't matter if its easy. You still do it. Not only has he had to deal with her mental issues she evidently can't keep her legs closed.

[@kowaieli]

@@deborahyoung1873 I think this is one of the big issues of people without a proper medical background taking stake in these conversation. Mental illnesses are a literal issue of neurochemical balance in the brain. It isn't just behaviour. The whole brain isn't functioning properly. You can't just get on medication and have everything be better. It's hard and exhaustive work just returning to a semi normal state. Mental illnesses are also typically come with other mental illnesses. Taking medication is tough because it's not just a pill then you feel normal. It's a process of going through different pills to find one right for you, suffering side effects that can even be dangerous and debilitating in a whole other realm. The wait of seeing if this pill will work as you take it, the loss of faith in trained professionals when nothing seems to get better. Mental illnesses are like a physical disability you have to relearn how to live normally and it's not an easy process to go through. Look at executive dysfunction for an example. Learning to be normal again even just looking after yourself by wiping yourself with wet wipes or brushing your teeth can seem to be impossible let alone help for a psychotic disorder. Even with the infidelity issues this can be due to a comorbid issue. Loss of inhibitions can also be a symptom of her mental illness. We don't know her exact medical diagnosis but with her symptoms her road is going to be tough and long. I'm sorry to her partner because it is never easy to deal with mental illness whoever you are in the situation. She's got paranoia which typically comes with a distrust of authority so for example medical authorities which are doctors. These behaviours also often happen during a time of mania where they have no idea they are so ill. Sure it is her job to get better but judging her for her struggle is dismissing how mental illness is a disability. Not everyone copes with it the same. Not everyone can get help or can battle through their illness to push for help. I don't think if he want's to leave he should be forced to stay. He should leave if that's whats best for him. She needs a solid support group to get the help she needs. If he can't cope with that then she needs to have someone who is going to be able to cope with that. Dismissing her as needing to handle it herself is why there is such a toxic view around mental illness. We don't want to deal with it as a society so when people around us need help they can't talk about it as it's taboo and then don't get the help they need in the beginning when it was atleast managable and have to get help when it's taken over their life making it so much harder to face. Changing mental illness to something we talk about and teach and explain symptoms of to help with early diagnosis would be the best but we don't live in a society that accepts mental illness as something normal. Many people experience depression especially around grief. But this is unlike extended mental illness that can be life long and take over someones life. Grief from deaths can drag on but typcially people get over the depression and can continue on. But holding that depression for a long time makes people less open to understanding. Think now on life long illnesses, things that might be uncurable or mean terminal pescriptions and how tough that might be. Mental illness is a constant uphill battle and stopping for a rest may mean rolling down to the bottom. It's not easy. So empathy should be given to those with mental illnesses. They never asked for them, they never wanted them but they got them.

[@KE-hr4sb]

MIL: "I guess you chose your timing well." Response: "You could say the same to your daughter, who has been cheating since before we got married, which you knew about, did not work, has since run me into financial ruin, and is now going to move on with her boyfriend."

[@devchekhov7512]

I'm thoroughly disgusted with the wife who takes no responsibility for her mental health. Her mom sucks, too, for that jab at the end. There is NEVER a good time to divorce--only bad and less-bad times.

[@Plectrudefy]

That's a bit unfair to say. Dellusions of persecution are extremely tough. They can make you believe that the world is against you and trying to poison you with medication. The wife probably doesn't have the attitude of "i know i hurt people and myself but i will still not accept help". Non compliance to mental help is a symptom of psychosis. Besides, the secondary effects of anti psychotics can be devastating: putting on a substantial amount of weight, being tired all the time, loss of sex drive to name just a few. It's a lot more complex than just not taking responsability.

[@gregjayonnaise8314]

@@Plectrudefy I’m sympathetic to the wife for her mental health issues, but I have to say that it is partially her own fault in this scenario for not taking her meds. It’s a hard decision to make, but also, plenty of other people with neurological issues have to make the same decision every day. It’s not an easy choice, and the results are often draining, but living with a mental illness means that you have to find ways to manage it. I understand that the symptoms around taking anti-psychotics are terrible, but, if it were me, and my lack of medication was causing me to ABUSE my partner and act harmfully towards others, than I’d take it, symptoms be damned, if only to protect others from me. And I know it’s easier said than done. I mean, OP said that she and him have broken up and had fights before because of her behavior, so she MUST be aware of how destructive her behavior is to her marriage, right? I find it hard to believe that she’s so delusional that she’s completely oblivious to the harm she’s caused. And, if she is completely unaware of it all, then I suppose it really isn’t her fault, but that also means she’s unfit for a marriage. Marriage takes two people to make it work, especially if they ever bring kids into the picture. The wife is not at fault for being mentally ill, but the way she responds to it (despite the symptoms causing genuine harm to her husband and making it impossible for her marriage to function) means that she hasn’t really learned to manage her illness in a healthy way.

[@JSainte17]

THANK YOU! She is NOT a victim anymore. She chose not to get help on multiple occasions. She's an AH.

[@Plectrudefy]

@@gregjayonnaise8314from her point of view (i'm speculating but have worked with paranoid schizophrenics for years and this is what very often happens), it's not "oh shit my mental illness causes me to abuse people", but probably "people try to convince me i'm mentally ill and want to hurt me, i will not let them manipulate me". Denial of the illness is a symptom of psychosis, so imagine i'm telling you that you think you're healthy but you're not, what you believe to be true (and can clearly see and prove) is all false and you're dellusional (trust me right?). So take this medication that has terrible negative effects on your body and mental wellness for the rest of your life please. Of course you're going to say no, most people don't even finish their antobiotics cure when they stop having symptoms, and that's for an illness you can see, accept, and get help for. So taking heavy meds for something you think you can prove is bs? If the wife was seeing things from the point of view you describe, she would have taken the meds, obviously. Non compliance to meds is extremely common with psychosis, it's not like the whole world but her get their treatment. My point being, try to see things empathetically, we have no idea about the horrors they go through in their mind and it's too easy to blame someone with our grounded srate if mind when they cannot differenciate reality from dellusion and therefore cannot always make the most logical decisions, through no fault of their own. So no, she doesn't necessarily see the consequences of her illness, or she interprets them differently.

[@gregjayonnaise8314]

@@Plectrudefy That is all true. But if the wife is so divorced from reality that she can’t tell her delusions apart from her actual life, then she needs far greater care than OP can provide her with. And, if her illness is causing her to be unintentionally ABUSIVE, and she cannot control that, she should not be married until she can get to a point where she won’t hurt others, if she ever does. I know psychosis medication is exhausting and draining, and feels like it’s not worth it. However, it’s the reality of living with a disorder. It sucks, but you HAVE to do it, because the alternative can end up like this story. Her delusions are likely being worsened by her not getting medicated, which means she’s probably not in her best mind for most of this story, so thats understandable, but if OP’s patience has worn thin I can’t say I blame him. There’s only so much you can do for someone who refuses any help. The wife isn’t evil, but she’s in deep denial and harms her spouse as a result.

[@Marco_Onyxheart]

My former roommate also has psychosis and is medicated. He remembers having an affair with someone which supposedly resulted in a kid. But his memories of all that are ridiculously fanciful. I highly doubt any of it ever happened.

[@miriam9419]

I think OP wants to believe it happened so that he doesn’t have to feel so guilty. The text messages were definitely real so he knows that happened.

[@theverdanthare]

Gosh this story is pretty much my Mother since I was born. She's been like this my whole life, no and off her meds. She would get to the point of attacking my Dad and Nan, attacking random people, killing my pets and at 17 she stabbed me in the arm. My Nan wouldnt allow me to press charges at all because ' she's unwell, its not her fault'. Im 33 now and have moved away, but am still expected to see my mother and keep her in my life. I have serious untreated mental health issues (because therapy costs) and Im so fed up with my family's enabling of my mother. I still talk to her, but there is no bond for me. OP needs to get away and keep away. 'It's not her fault' is fair the first time, but like my mother, the wife has repeatedly gone off the her meds and that excuse no longer flies. Im SO glad OP doesnt have kids. It crushes me to think another child could grown up with a similar life as Ive had.

[@rylashadow18]

S1) Sickness and in health works both way. If she can't work on solving her sickness it affect the health of the relationship. It sounds like she just doesn't want to admit to there even being a problem. You wouldn't be abandoning your vows. You'd be setting yourself free from someone whose already broken them. She's allowed her sickness to forsake your relationship, she's mistreated you by hurting you at every turn and has even brought debt to you. Clearly when someone shows you that they could care less for the harm they bring you and the relatioship you need to belive it and do what's best in your overall health as well as your well being. Staying isn't doing anyone any favors and it will escalate. I actually feel happy for OP. They saw that there was no saving things with someone whose not interested in saving themselves. It may hurt that it ends now but better that it end here than when things are at there worst. It's not just the mental illness. It's also the fact that: 1) OP's wife refuses to take responsibility for her own health 2) She physically assaulted the OP in one of her episodes 3) She has continously shown herself to be a cheater. Best to just be done with the whole lot of them as soon as you're cleared. Go no contact and live your best life.

[@SkyEcho751]

Initial post: Ya, I feel like OP needs to leave the house at the very least. In sickness and in health is part of the vows, but the wife herself is leaving, overspending, and being one of the biggest sources of stress for OP. All the while she is refusing ANY help, including not taking medications she was given to manage her illness. Update 1: So it looks like he will be leaving and even she agrees that this relationship is unsustainable. Update 2: WOW, so she is actually cheating on him, makes me wonder whether or not her psychosis would interact with the fact she was cheating. Like it could have amplified her delusions or make other symptoms get worse. Update 3: Ya that is a seriously low blow and it's sad she can't recognize that she is being absolutely horrible to someone who deserves no malarkey after putting up with constant abuse.

[@snakesandstones4252]

See update two is what confuses me--is she cheating on hin if they're both in the process of a divorce and only living together until it's decided who gets what? Or was she talking to this other dude while they were together? If they're all but broken up in every way but paper, why would this be an issue to OP? Sure, it's rude and not very sensitive but not cheating imo... the time before while they were separated bf they got married if iffy too--they weren't together as OP said. But yeah the other stuff is shitty enough to leave her as is.

[@SkyEcho751]

@@snakesandstones4252 No, they weren't Divorced yet, they were in the process of Divorcing, but that means they were still married, so yes it can qualify as cheating. Also read the Update again, she was in contact with this guy years before, and in update 1 it's been said that she might have previously had an affair with a married man. So I'm willing to bet that it was happening before the Divorce was started, and that she might have done it before in the past.(If you are willing to be with someone who's married, then I'm not expecting you to be faithful when you yourself are married) Once again yes, being with someone while a Divorce is underway can qualify as cheating, specifically as OP said "It could affect how the settlements go"(At least that's my understanding, not a lawyer tho). That is why you wait until someone is fully divorced before you start messing around with them, to avoid a legal mess. Though it varies from place to place whether it counts as adultery or not.

[@lidkagatarek3023]

Mental illines is base for annulment. Wife dont want get better, she dont have husband but a caretaker.

[@mbyerly9680]

"None of this is her fault." No, most of it is. She's chosen not to take medication or go to therapy, not to watch her spending, not to attempt a real relationship with her husband, etc., etc. "Chosen." If she is so lost in illness that the illness is totally controlling her, she belongs in a facility, and yet, she's not. In situations like this, I remember lifeguard training. Sometimes, the person drowning will drown you, too. It's okay to save yourself when this happens. It's not selfish, it's sane.

[@JustAnotherBuckyLover]

There are many people living with mental illness who are divorced from reality, and most of them aren't in a mental hospital. If you think otherwise, then you're very naive about the reality of mental health care in the US (and elsewhere). Schizophrenia/psychosis are difficult because not only is the medication unpleasant to take, like REALLY unpleasant, but the illness itself can cause the person to believe the medication is harming them, not helping. That's how clinical paranoia, delusions and psychosis work. It's not as easy as saying "she made that decision" and thinking it's the same as you deciding not to take antibiotics for that ear infection you have or whatnot. This is a (sadly) all too common pattern of behaviour in psychosis - they get sectioned, they get put onto medication and forced to take it against their will because society has deemed it better for everyone including the patient to override their personal autonomy on that issue, they improve (not cured, just less unwell) to a point where they can be discharged, the person sticks to the routine for a few weeks or months maybe, and then their illness starts to worsen, either because the memory issues from the disorder as well as the medication make it hard to remember to take their medication, or just because their illness is worsening and the medication isn't enough, they become more paranoid and delusional again, they stop their meds, and so you start the cycle all over again. It sucks, yes. It sucks for everyone, particularly the patient. And of course, nobody deserves to be on the end of abuse and violence. But that said, his wife clearly isn't living in the same world that her husband is, mentally. And that's terribly sad for everyone.

[@scorpiocarnage1055]

@@JustAnotherBuckyLover Stop defending this woman. You have the audacity to hear about someone who was mentally and emotionally abused but the person responsible should get some understanding? Mental illness does not make you do anything. It makes you feel a type of way but it does not EVER make you behave poorly. To cheat, there had to be steps. To lie and keep track of the lies, there had to be steps. And not taking medication? She did this repeatedly and she knows what she's like without it. You say it's hard to take it but I bet it's real hard to live in your mind where everyone is against you without that medication. This isn't some poor helpless woman. This a woman who has had access to all kinds of medical care and help but she'd rather self-destruct than give a damn about herself and the people who care about her. Oh poor her.

[@JustAnotherBuckyLover]

@@scorpiocarnage1055 Who said I defended her and not the husband? Did you even read my comment or just jump in half-assed and assume? Your clear disgust for anyone who is struggling with mental illness, however, and your lack of any level of understanding about psychosis, is clearly visible. Does she know what she's like off medication? Or is she floridly psychotic and therefore not actually aware? Why do we not sentence people to death for killing someone while psychotic? Because they DON'T comprehend the full gravity of their actions. And don't pull that manipulative shit with me. I LIVE with someone with severe chronic mental illness. How about you? You clearly know NOTHING about psychosis if you truly believe that mental illness like psychosis can't make a person behave in ways they never would if they were rational. If you don't understand that there is a HUGE difference between someone who is depressed or anxious versus someone who is actually in the throes of psychosis, then that's on you.

[@kalinaphillips9779]

Story 1. The trouble with people with mental illness is when they take their meds and feel better, they think they are cured so they stop taking meds, which make them worse. I have a friend who daughter is like that. It is a vicious circle. OP you need to split up (if you want children). You also need therapy yourself to deal with this situation and, I assume, guilt of leaving your wife.

[@TheoStarlight]

Story 1: op should make sure his wife gets some inpatient care where she can be monitored by professionals who will make sure she takes medication and can’t hurt herself or others. OP also needs to worry about his mental health as well, it can be harmful for those trying to take care of those who are mentally unwell. I’m worried for OPs well-being. I hope OP and his wife can both get better, I feel like this marriage isn’t going to work out Edit: coming back after the edit, I hope the divorce goes smoothly and they can take care of themselves separately. Also seeing that OPs now ex wife is cheating is painful for him. I really hope he gets therapy after this and can get help with the mental issues he’s going to be dealing with after this

[@ravanpee1325]

Full blown co-dependecy is as harmfull to the partner..glad he's out of this mess and can take care form himself and get professional help himself after this desaster

[@JSainte17]

He can't force her. She refuses to get help so she's on her own. She's no longer a victim.

[@tardislady9546]

@@JSainte17 Sometimes, people in the grip of mental illness genuinely cannot see that they need help. Most of the comments on here are suggesting that people 'choose' to have mental illness. NO one EVER 'chooses' to have mental illness.

[@JSainte17]

@@tardislady9546 No, people ARE suggesting, that family and friends of people with mental illness and/or drug addiction, can not, and should not, be bullied into spending their lives, helping someone who doesn't want help. You act as though mental illness is a 24/7 situation, and for most, it's not. THOUSANDS of people with severe mental illness/addiction have gotten out of it. YOU need to make that choice for yourself. YOU are not always in a state to not think right, and if you gave a sh*t, you'd take your "sober" moments and your loved ones' help to fix it.

[@GeorgiaDLee]

You are not powerless to stop your spouse spending YOUR money. Remove her name from cards and accounts. Open new cards and accounts only under your name. Hide cards and get a safe. Get a restraining order. Geez.

[@tinapetrovicz9741]

Op could have only stopped her spending if he had Power of Attorney over her finances. Mental health specialists would have to declare her incapable of making finacial decisions. As a spouse she had access to their shared credit status meaning she could take out credit cards independent of her husband's knowledge. Getting the POA is not easy, maybe when she was sectioned, it might have been possible. (This is from a Canadian percepective but our laws are pretty similiar to the UK). Getting a POA is not easy as often the specialists will see having independance and the ability to make their own decisions part of the patient's recovery process.

[@GeorgiaDLee]

@@tinapetrovicz9741 She doesn't work. It's not her money to spend... at least in the US. I can't say for other places. Them being married doesn't mean she can take out credit cards in his name or open bank accounts in his name. She can open them in her own name then get into debt and assume he'll pay it because they're married. But misappropriation of marital funds is taken seriously in the US and spouses don't have unfettered access to marital money for any arbitrary reason. He can use the courts to release himself from her debts and easily get the courts to deem her unfit to make her own decisions since she's been hospitalized and isn't medicated anymore. He should have filed for divorce citing her mental health issues AND domestic violence. He had options he didn't choose. His story wasn't heartbreaking it was infuriating. He enabled this behavior by sitting back and hoping it would change.

[@TheBre1491]

@@GeorgiaDLee My parents just went through a divorce in the US and if they took the cards in both names you have to get permission from both to take either name off the account. OP didn’t know she would do this and may have trusted her. Yes he could of taken her to court, but she would of spent all of his money in that time in any joint accounts. And it’s not like his wife could ever pay him back. He could open his own accounts in his name and start putting money in, but she might have killed his credit. He was also trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. Not as easy as it seems.

[@briansmaller7443]

1st story - Dude should leave straight away. He will bash his head against this wall until he probably ends up needing help himself. That is no way to live my dude,.

[@Mama_Bear_of_3]

I am bipolar, and for probably the first 11 years of our 25 years of marriage (to date) my husband had to deal with my mental illness. One of the things we dealt with was my constantly getting off my getting off of my medication. The issue was not that I was making a choice to stop taking my me.h is that when we're on our medication we're feeling fine we're doing great so our mental illness tells us "you see you're doing great you don't need medication.' So, we stop taking our medication.. Only to spiral write down to rock bottom, and then we start medication again. Then the whole cycle repeats itself. What my husband finally did was the last couple of times I went off with my medication my husband would videotape me behaving, and, End narcissism I displayed when off of my meds. Making that video was probably one of the best things you ever did. Each time I would get to the point why would start mentioning about not really needing my meds, my husband would play that video and show it to me and it would help me realize that I did not want to go back to that way of life, And I truly believe it is due to that video my husband made. To this day (14 years later) I still watch it once in a while when I start feeling a bit on edge. My husband and I are still together, it has been an easy roade, but we are coth ib individual and marriagecounseling , I'm not saying if this is what OP should do, but just putting it out there as a suggestion..

[@thetechguychannel]

Story 1: Run, don't walk away. I know it's tough and she's the love of your life, but something took her away from you and it's not your fault if you leave, for your own sake. Something doesn't add up here, though. Chronic and repetitive psychosis is usually something that manifests around the mid-to-late 20s. You didn't notice anything? I find that hard to believe, unless she had a very late onset (which happens sometimes). Context: I know all this because I did the same thing you did, married a woman with schizophrenia, stuck it out for 5 years, and I have a stab wound to show for it. Trust me, you're in for this if you don't leave. You can have all the treatment you want, but ultimately she will judge that she's not sick at some point and stop taking the meds, and this carousel will repeat itself on and on until either you or she die or she ends up institutionalized for the foreseeable future. DO NOT listen to everyone else giving you advice on how to salvage this. She ain't there anymore. Someone else took her place. Just go and try to look after her from a distance. You will lose friends, and earn yourself the condemnation of the entirety of soyddit, and you'll be emotionally devastated and scarred by the experience of slashing a wonderful relationship that has a lot of history, but you'll be whole. That matters a lot, because your own capability to move forward on a personal level directly influences how capable you are to help others.

[@Avrysatos]

I know a person with schizophrenia who's been married for over 15 years now, still takes the meds, still has some symptoms but they're manageable with the medication and therapy. It's something that if the person with the illness puts in the effort, can work out, but that's the thing about mental illness, it's really all in your mind literally and physically (brain chemistry is very physical and I'm not saying that mental illness is imaginary AT ALL. Simply that it is in the brain.) and it can be difficult to fight something where you're telling yourself not to fight it or there's nothing wrong. Such marriages aren't doomed by default, though yours and OPs totally were.

[@thetechguychannel]

​@@Avrysatos Can't say I disagree about this entirely, but that amount of sacrifice has to be something wilfully and happily entered into. But until I know every intimate detail about a successful couple where one has a schizoid disorder, I'm not going to really assess the situation in a positive light. The intense break from reality that happens during an episode is pretty horrifying, more for the people subjected to living with the person than the people suffering from the illness (people tend to be a bit euphoric during a psychotic state; it's hard to explain unless you see it for yourself and live with someone undergoing this; that alone is pretty fucking terrifying). I myself have seen successful couples where one has schizo, but usually it's because either the woman is amazingly hot (and he's dumb), they're attached to something ABOUT her that doesn't have to do with her character, or the other partner is also mentally ill.

[@Avrysatos]

@@thetechguychannel 100% that has to be a willful thing. I agree completely.

[@beave200]

My mom is bipolar, alcoholic , and has extreme aggression issues and possible schizophrenia. My dad has porn addiction issues and its not the normal kind either. For years I was raised by these people and never knew what type of day it would be. Would it be a moms making cookies or mom flips out because dad looked at a commercial with a girl to intently. I watched my dad break my moms back, he even blackmailed me once because i was a teenage boy with a few "videos". That same night i almost shot him in the face with a crossbow because he was hitting my mom and was on top of her. Ive chosen to try and just live alone and be alone for the most part because I'm afraid that I will eventually have the same issues as them. I'm already not mentally ok, and its only getting worse. Ive disowned my parents and had to walk away because after all they have done to each other after finding porn tabs to extreme deviant stuff with little girls sections of Wal-Mart and target adds on the computer and their tablet she still chose to protect him and lost her kids and grandkids in the process. Anyone who reads this and has gone through something similar, know this. Sometimes even if it hurts or you know that something bad will eventually happen, it is easier to wait on a phone call from the police than it is to stay with people not willing to help themselves. Because I also watched both of them do "therapy" for about 3 sessions each before both quitting because neither could ever fess up to their problems. Its better for your own mental health to just cut them out like a tumor and move on.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 1: God damn I feel this Story so much. The last year and half has been a huge amount of craziness due to my son's mental illness. He just got home from the psych hospital. I also spent 10 years married a woman with a severe eating disorder and I get questioning if you made them that way. I really hope OP can find a way to move forward into a a happier and healthier situation. Wife needs to go back to the doctor This story is heartbreaking. Edit: you know, Now that I go back and re-listen to OP's s original post, there was a lot of gas lighting behavior by the wife and that was only reiterated when she was talking to him about the affair. Now whether that behavior is due to her being delusional or just being manipulative and gas lighting him, or even a combination of both, I don't know. What I do know is that she does things that make him question reality as well.whether that is intentional or not is up for debate. Edit 2: So wife cheated but OP is the asshole for leaving just because mom found out about it around the same time as her husband dying? Nah. Fuck that. Even IF that was true about the timing, it wouldn't matter. Their marriage is separate from his death and her behavior was atrocious and her behavior and mental illness was the reason for the divorce

[@miriam9419]

I hope things can go better for you as well. Remember to take time for yourself (easier said then done) so you don’t burnout. Xx

[@carolroberts4614]

Sorry you're going through all that! My older sister has today been diagnosed with Alzheimer's(different thing I know) The diagnosis came today so we have got a lot to process! It all happened quite quickly, a few short months.

[@Mewse1203]

@@carolroberts4614 that is an awful disease. My grandma had that and it sucked. Good luck, friend. I hope the progression is slow and small.

[@jemase7931]

"She got angry and hit me." Dude! You haven't left, yet? If you stay with Crazy, you will get crazy, too. If you stop enabling her, she will have to straighten herself out. You can always take care of her if you want without being legally tied to her.

[@pansprayers]

You don't just 'straighten yourself out' with what sounds like full blown schizophrenia. This is a life long battle - one that OP is in no way obligated to fight on his own, mind you - that is always going to wax and wane - meds have to be adjusted constantly, and at a certain point she's likely going to need to have a conservatorship in place to make sure that basic needs are met. Expecting someone with this level of a neurological disorder to just 'come around' and be stable for the rest of their lives is unrealistic AF.

[@jemase7931]

@@pansprayers She is not fighting it at all. She won't take her meds, won't go back to the doctor, won't stop piling up debt, cheats, and has gotten violent. If the sexes were reversed, OP would be in jail.

[@gregjayonnaise8314]

@@pansprayers She doesn’t need to be “cured” of her mental illnesses, because that’s just not possible, but she absolutely is in control of how she RESPONDS to her mental illnesses. She refuses medication, cheats on her husband, physically harms him, drains his bank account dry, and so far, from what OP has written, hasn’t seemed sorry for any of it. Plenty of mentally ill people have had healthy and happy relationships, and don’t abuse their partners. If she is so ill that she’s pretty much divorced from reality, then she’s not fit to be in a relationship and needs an at home nurse. If she refuses help and continues to abuse OP, then it’s her own damn fault, mental illnesses be damned. So i do think she needs to “straighten out” not in the sense that she needs to be cured or anything, but she definitely needs to get help to manage her symptoms and get the right medication.

[@jodieg6318]

I feel so bad for OP, it’s normal and natural to feel the way he is but I think his wife has gone far beyond the leading a horse to water metaphor. What’s more if his wife can’t work, can’t function, and won’t take her medication she could be well on her way to being declared incompetent and being sent to institution.

[@Tammohawk1]

She is choosing to be ill by not taking her medication! OP did nothing to cause his wife to be like this, it's mental health problems and no one is at fault. I have general depression and anxiety disorder. Many years ago I went off my medication. First month was fine, but into the second month things went sideways. And as soon as they did I was on the phone to the doctor. We owe it to our families to take care of every part of ourselves. And we have to take our mental health problems seriously, very seriously. I have a dear friend who is schizophrenic. She has struggled for so long and because of her illness has used drugs and alcohol. She's not a full blown alcoholic due to it. Her husband finally left her years ago, but he left for her best friend! That is what I have had problems with, not him leaving, but how he did it.

[@JayeEllis]

Story 1: With love, you have done everything you can. In the end, the only person who can help her is herself. Please, please don't let her drag you down any further with her. At this point, you need to look to your own self preservation because this is no longer 'sickness and health'; it's abuse. It's time to leave.

[@DiZoSoMom]

My god this whole saga reminded me so so much of my ex. Bipolar and BPD diagnoses, refuses medicine, self-medicated with alcohol, and has delusions where I’m always to blame. We split almost ten years ago and after spending a lot of time apart, he’s at least sort of come to terms with the split. Finally. Still those creepy moments of “I destroyed what we could’ve had…” or him telling both of our families that I cheated on him, when I wasn’t with anyone until around a year after we split up and he’d already been seeing other people too. One life lesson I’ve gotten out of it all is that you cannot help someone who won’t help themselves. And I mean 100%. If they don’t take full responsibility for their actions, situation, and their own mental health, then exit stage right. Move on to brighter, far less-stressful days!

[@ThePinkBinks]

An old widow won’t want to be responsible for her daughter who’s delusional and violent either. I feel sorry for her too.

[@damien678]

oh this sounds heavy. do something nice for yourself after reading out hard stories like this Mark

[@sannahayes832]

Thank you Mark. I have only discovered your channel about a month ago. So today I spent hours looking for your old posts and listening to them. I love that you now frequently post many stories that have updates. I have commented before that I love your voice, True! I also enjoy your comments and sense of humor. Your posts are always entertaining. That being said the updates add another reason that I seek out your posts daily. Thank you for all of your hard work. My sympathy for the recent loss of your father. Hugs I am closer to 70 than 60 so lol know that my gratitude for the entertainment I get from your stories is all I'm trying to express. Have a great rest of your day/night.

[@joechang8696]

Send a letter to the wife's former employer contemplating suing the other man for alienation of affection - just to cause him problems

[@JasperCatProductions]

Story one, geez she hit you, she refuses medicine and therapy……you have wasted enough of your life get out. Don’t put your life in the hell over someone who refuses help. You are not responsible for illness, neither is she but if she isn’t going try you deserve better.MIL is pissed cause she will have to be the punching bag……

[@winsterphilipp347]

I'm sorry but op is naive when it these types of situations there's always infidelity. She gaslit and blamed you for the financial abuse. He thought she wouldn't do it with something else. When divorcing no matter how amicable sometimes they are at at the start their either lying or they would change their mind over time. Always prepare for them to turn on you. The inlaws to they nice to you because you married you're just a guy who left their daughter. He stayed to long. I would never tell a woman that suffers physical abuse to work it out. I do legit think she has mental issues but she's calculating and using it and her husbands docile nature to be an ass.

[@HowToPnP]

"it's not her fault" WRONG! She chose not to take her meds and to deny help. Her mental health is her responsibility. Sincerely, someone with mental health issues

[@deborahspears.15]

oh come on you can file legal separation to the wife or divorce and with the people who know the illness they can get her disabled then they will take over care and helping her. YOU ARE ENABLING HER STOP . force this you can not throw your life away .my brother is going through this and will file legal separation , your health depends on you stepping out of the way to true help

[@pansprayers]

It doesn't necessarily work that way where OP lives, especially if he's been around taking care if her basic needs to this point. Having someone declared a dependent of the government is a serious matter, and frankly, due to those resources being stressed due to cut backs in the UK and the US, it takes a pretty serious series of documented events to get there. Just because you witnessed someone else go through it from a distance doesn't mean that you have the slightest clue what kind of emotional pain it requires for one to walk away from someone they love. Hopefully you'll never understand.

[@CensorshipVictim]

Story 1: did OP ever think that his ex-wife's parents dumped her on him to get her out of their home and not have to support her? Behavior like this doesn't come out of nowhere. Odds are OP's ex-wife did these things to her parents and now ex-MIL is upset that he's divorcing her daughter and pulling financial support....hm

[@JustAnotherBuckyLover]

Tell me you don't understand mental illness progression without telling me.

[@khaleesireyna731]

Maybe, maybe not. My mother's family tried to do the same to me with my mother (which is especially messed up since I'm her daughter, but hey, they're all a special kind of aholes anyway).

[@CensorshipVictim]

@@khaleesireyna731 This happened to me with an ex. His family knew he had a mental health disorder and that without meds he was violent and dangerous. After 1 year of dating and his family pushing for us to move in and get married, we moved into an apartment together, after 6 months of living together he went off his meds. I called his parents and they are first accused me of lying (because their son was *never* violent before, so it must be *my fault*) When he had an a paranoid episode, he came home accused me of spying on him, and poisoning his food, etc. He beat me so bad I ended up in the hospital with multiple injuries and a collapsed lung. I later found out that he had an extensive police record for being violent . It came out later that he was a schizophrenic with auditory hallucinations in the criminal case. His parents KNEW he was ill and that he was potentially dangerous when off his meds, but never told me and when I would express concerns over his behavior they either minimize it or act like it was my fault some how. He didn't get jail time, because his lawyer proved that he wasn't fit to stand trial and was instead committed to a mental health facility until he was deemed no longer a threat to himself or others. So I can relate to the OP in this story, mental health illness like his ex-wife's. There had to be signs of her mental illness before he met her. Otherwise how was she on meds when it's clear from his story that she goes off her meds all the time and refuses to take them?

[@EM3SonSon]

@@JustAnotherBuckyLover Tell me you don't know what the fuck you're talking about without telling me...

[@abbie_joan]

the other issue with mental issues and taking meds for treatment is that when people are on the meds they get better at functioning but... sometimes will deliberately stop taking them and going to therapy because they think they're "getting better" and believe they're "fixed" and no longer need the meds to help and then fall back into the same cycle and have to start all over again. It's unfortunate but you can never force people to help themselves they have to have their own wake up call and sometimes the best way to help is by distancing yourself.

[@WakWak313]

Gracias, Mark!! Hope you and Poppy are doing well and keeping warm.

[@EvilCarrotSauce]

My dad is schizophrenic, I know all too well how it is. Fear mongering, late night phone calls, emotional outbursts, substance abuse, irrational spending, and just generally weirding people out. If I was married to one? I'd be gone. But it's my dad, so....

[@mindyschocolate]

That is so sad. There’s really nothing for OP. She refuses to take her meds or follow through with her therapy. If she refuses to help herself there’s nothing he can do. It sucks but I’d call it quits. No point in both lives being wrecked.

[@andrediamond4374]

Story 1: As someone with bipolar disorder I can verify that antipsychotic medication sucks absolutely donkey balls. It makes you gain tons of weight, sucks your energy dry and tons of other stuff. The only reason I comply with my medication regime is that seeing the people around me getting scared of my erratic and manic behaviour really stuck with me. Schizophrenia is so so much worse, the paranoid delusions and voices and hallucinations must be absolutely terrifying

[@jessicawolfe5861]

I have a daughter who has severe mental health challenges and on many occasions I have had to make the hard choice to take care of myself first. At times that has meant cutting off contact, while also being an advocate for her. She will not ever be able to live with me again because its too dangerous for me. It was incredibly difficult and it meant every day grieving the loss of the daughter I wanted her to be. Her life stalled. It's hard to do, but I hope OP realizes he can't fix this. You can't talk someone out of their psychosis and delusions. Its hard to see if this is schizoaffective disorder or something else but it's very serious. There is some help out there.

[@Galworld761]

Can’t light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

[@dm9078]

Never marry crazy. Yeah I know it’s “ableist” but it’s true. This is why martyrdom is a losing strategy!

[@Ann_Wall-Chiasson]

In the first story, I'm not a psychiatric professional, but based on personal experience, it sounds to me like op's wife could have schizophrenia. A few of her symptoms sound like mine, and some people with it need somebody constantly on them to get them to stick with the medications long enough for said meds to actually work. I was one of those growing up, though I'm much better about taking my meds now than I was then and can mostly function aside from a minor episode here and there. Again, not a professional in any way, shape or form, just making a guess based fully on my experiences with this shit.

[@NotAFanOfHandles]

OP's wife mentioned bullying at work as a reason for leaving her job. I'm guessing her coworkers knew about the affair and were giving her the cold shoulder.

[@D123-f9k]

He's going to lose his house and she won't even be able to keep it up. Smfh

[@Tyanna01]

Honestly, I would have replied to MIL with "That was a low blow. We started divorce proceedings 18 months ago. I'm sorry your daughter didn't tell you that. I will no longer be replying to your emails."

[@aliciamaria8030]

thanks for the awesome videos, they really help me go through the day 😁🌸

[@bonniebaldridge1248]

Jeez, that story made my head spin! What a mess.

[@TriXJester]

Before any updates; Listen, I dont say this lightly, but she needs to be committed to a treatment facility, she has a repeated history of going off medication and refusing doctors treatments to the detriment of herself and others. She needs 24 hour care. He cannot fix her or make this situation better.

[@JayeEllis]

Story 1: As someone who has struggled my entire life with mental illness, if she's been completely incapable of taking care of herself for this long, she needs to be in some kind of assisted living facility. You cannot keep setting yourself on fire to keep her warm - it's killing you both.

[@sweetheart_cosplays]

He's enabled her too much. Why did it take so long to cancel those credit cards???

[@RandomTrinidadian]

Sometimes its best just to walk away. You cant save someone who cant be saved.

[@paulchaudoir190]

I wouldn't be surprised that OP finds out his stbxw isn't sick. She just fakes it so she can cheat on him.

[@someoneelse4710]

No one chooses to be ill, but they DO choose to pursue treatment. In sickness and in health dont apply when your partner is actively avoiding taking steps to improve things and attacking you.

[@wildwikedwanderer1208]

If you wouldn’t let a stranger beat you don’t just take it from someone that claims to love you. Simplistic view I know but I’ve never loved someone enough as an adult to let them get away with hitting me.

[@KittenUndercover]

I’m not excusing the wife cheating AT ALL but I will say that some of the symptoms of psychosis are a heightened sex drive and an inability to feel guilt. Many rapists and serial killers are psychopaths.

[@lisachristoph437]

Story 1, this is not a marriage, it is a leeching roommate situation.

[@AJ-qe5xj]

Whiles it’s amazing to stand by a loved one who is struggling/I’ll, they have to want to help themselves as well. If she’s a physical threat (hitting)and refusal to follow through with treatment, she can’t be coddled, you have to do what is best for you. People with mental illness are still responsible for their actions and management of the condition. She has to learn to take self responsibility, not depend on you to fix everything while simultaneously crashing your life a part. I’d still be there to support her if she chooses to get help and treatment, but separation and taking a step back is probably the best thing for OP, maybe giving the wife a wake up call.

[@loudelk99]

Went thru a similar situation with my 2nd wife. When she started getting violent with me and the children. I seperated from her and got a divorce. She ended up in a mental hospital. Sometimes you have to admit that there is absolutely nothing you can do.

[@belledomnik]

This story scares me. I am in a similar situation. We have a child and it is affecting him so we have to separate. I hope his family doesn’t take a similar stand to MIL. I actually count on them to be an influence on my son.

[@personneici2595]

The MIL will always take her daughter's side. It's worse for the ex-wife if she doesn't. I've seen the devastation when a sibling of mine wasn't supported by our mother when she left her abusive alcoholic partner. Their relationship will never recover. I feel for OP.

[@livewellwitheds6885]

about taking meds- delusions & hallucinations can absolutely make people quit meds. my cousin [schizophrenic] was on meds for a while but stopped. why did he stop? because people were coming into his apartment and switching his pills with poison. so he was "saving his life" by not taking his meds

[@katiecakesl4691]

I have mental health issues. Agoraphobia being a big one for me. It's hard for me to function. However I take my meds and try my best, even if my best isn't much. You have to try your best when you're mentally ill for the one you love. It's hard but if you can't try your best, then you can't be with someone else.

[@JSainte17]

OP needs to leave her. Period. She has refused to get help multiple times. That makes her an AH. Period. She's not a victim anymore.

[@SAJK0KAT]

12.46 oof OP.. :( just want to give him a big hug . ❤️

[@chulutheimposter5415]

Hellooo Mark!! How are you doing tonight? I hope all is well and I wish you a great night!! That meme you posted earlier, loved it!

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Whoever is reading this i send hugs and great vibes. Drink water, eat food, nap, take a break, take care of yourself gosh darn it. And if you don't I swear I will find you and keep you in a cottage and take care of you. 🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜

[@toriibarlow]

Regarding the first story my mom's side of the family has a lot of mental health issues and speaking from experience when my parents got married the psychologist told my dad that my mother had extensive issues and would always need to be on medication and after talking with her treatment was not something that she wanted or would follow through with for the rest of her life. Usually for my understanding counselors and psychologists don't tend to get involved in relationships with this one told my dad that they would strongly recommend that he reconsider being in the relationship due to the impact that it would have on him and any future children. They went on to have me very soon after that and speaking from experience my mother's mental health issues have played a huge role in my childhood and have caused a lot of issues for myself and my siblings.(they have different dads) I love my mom to bits but i am low to no contact most of the time because of the damage having a relationship with her does to me. All of my siblings have inherented at least one of the mental health issues from her as well as trauma from having her as our primary guardian. I know they love each other but she has to want treatment or it will never work. Even with treatment it will still be hard.

[@toriibarlow]

My mom had a child before me ( she has a lot of the same issues but has put a lot of work into functional and is doing great so i know it is possible. In a lot of ways she acted like my mom. As in a mother figure. ) My mom ended up cheating on my dad and leaving. The behavior won't change.

[@Russman67]

Great timing. I'm going to Home Depot to buy some potting soil.

[@zachf748]

You’re already gone above and beyond. If she is unwilling to get help, there’s nothing to do but leave. Her behavior has now escalated to physical abuse. For your safety, it’s well past time to leave her.

[@khaleesireyna731]

Ngl, this whole story hit way too close to home. In my case, it's my mother with the mental illness she refuses to acknowledge or take responsibility for or take her meds. And honestly, after everything she's put me through, I may sound like a monster, but I just feel numb. I don't have really any feelings left for her except anger and numbness. I don't have much in the way of love or patience or care. Not anymore. Not when it's been used and manipulated against me over and over. Not when my mother has attempted multiple times to ruin my life as well as hers. And especially not when she's decided to lie about me on court documents. I'm just angry and sick and numb and honestly, OP is a better person than me for being able to still care and still love his stbxw. Shit sucks, man.

[@theverdanthare]

Im so sorry you went through this! I too have been through the same (my comment is somewhere here) and I can safely say I too just feel numb and just -done- with my mother. You arent a monster, you're just protecting yourself emotionally, and when you've grown up with it its honestly not surprising at all. All the mental effort takes it's toll and its one of the few ways you can get through surviving. Take care of yourself and I hope you can heal from all this

[@OneUponADime]

If wife refuses help, bail.

[@markiusgalfordii9248]

The first story I feel really bad for Opie you have tried and tried and tried at certain point you have to because it's going to mess you up seriously if it hasn't already which I have a feeling it has and somebody that's diagnosed with issues myself. It's not your fault your wife is showing symptoms before you even married her you thought it was your job no that was just her being able to cover it up as well as she could and now that she stopped taking them please save yourself the heartache and her by leaving it only get worse from here on out I don't take meds but myself mad I take marijuana for my anxiety and my depression both of those have destroyed more relationships than anything else you cannot fix a mental issue you cannot fix it you can try to alleviate as much as you want and try to act somewhat normal but there is no such thing as normal to begin with people got their issues some worse than others but please do yourself a favor and leave the relationship will you have time to start a new family

[@ValirianDefiance]

my mother can be a bit of a people pleaser. it helped me learn a important lesson, that is, you can't help others if you can't help yourself first.

[@flamelily2086]

Story 1 Living with someone who has a mental health problem is exhausting, and if they refuse to take their medication, it's impossible to help them. OP's wife did not choose to be ill, but she is choosing not to get help or take her medication. If she won't help herself, OP needs to leave her. She is using him as a carer and not contributing to their relationship in any way. OP can't be expected to live with her for the rest of her life.

[@Mewse1203]

Be kind, be safe and take care of yourself. Have a great day

[@Avrysatos]

I'm so glad that he got responses from people who are suffering from mental illness. Getting advice from someone who has been in a similar place as his wife was had to be helpful. Inlaws aren't always the enemy in divorce. My mother had the full support of her mother-in-law when she filed for divorce. She even had her blessing several years later on her new fiancee. She continued to be friends with her mother-in-law. My father still goes to the Christmas gatherings with her family. Neither of them married a new spouse with lots of family so they just all were absorbed into my mother's larger extended family. My father goes to his former brother in laws garage exclusively for repairs, is in regular contact with two of her other siblings because they're just all friends still. I honestly think this is a great situation, but my sister is no longer talking to me for "instigating the divorce" by encouraging our desperately unhappy mother to find her own happiness when we were both fully grown. She's cut herself off from all of us entirely. Her loss. She knows where we live and how to contact us all. However, none of us have divorces in this extended family for mental health reasons like this one and I really think the mother-in-law just lashed out because she was in pain but not that she's actually the enemy. She has the same goal as op does after all. They want the exwife/daughter to be safe and get well. I also think he should cut contact after though. It'll be the best to get a clean start for both of them.

[@jessicamorgan3568]

I never quite know how to feel about broadcasting these r/relationships stories. These people are getting incredibly personal and vulnerable asking for help, and it feels weird listening to them for entertainment.

[@Julienna]

I see it differently. Some of reddit stories were similar to mine and I got very useful advices from it. Also, new points of view, which I really appreciate.

[@pansprayers]

It really bothers me sometimes as well. While some people might find healing knowing they aren't alone, this is Reddit, and most people are going to use it as entertainment.

[@Flufferz626]

What, you hear reality and it hurts you? Many relate to it and like to hear they aren't alone.

[@jessicamorgan3568]

@@Flufferz626 🙄 No, I'm not hurt by reality. It just feels like eavesdropping on a therapy session. Especially when the narrator dives into the OP's post history, and includes info from support subreddits.

[@Avrysatos]

Sometimes like in this one, it's really helpful to see responses from people with mental health issues, it puts this in perspective for people who may be going through something similar. That said, I pick and choose which videos I watch here, and suggest that for everyone.

[@thedarkwench]

The only person that can can help Mrs Op is Mrs OP herself. All the while you prop her up she will not participate in her own self care. For your own sake you need to speak to her care team and her parents and walk away.

[@Josku2411]

Ah one of these rare videos i missed this hard as i went to bed early(and just now woke up bc thirsty)

[@hollyberry0602]

Evening everyone! Trying (and somewhat failing) to do some writing today for my fic prompts! Here's hoping I can post it soon, since it's already late as it is lol Hope everyone's had a lovely day!

[@bloomy2121]

Story 1: Unfortunately, OP doesn't have a wife. Even though it's not necessarily her fault, since she's ill and has no control over her actions, he still doesn't have a wife. All he can do in this scenario is decide if he is okay with being this woman's caretaker for the rest of her life while she gives him back no value whatsoever. It's a sacrifice, a completely one-sided sacrifice for the sake of caring for a terminally ill person. He will never have a wife out of that woman, and that's that. And regarding her infidelity, I truly hope OP doesn't let this affect him too badly. Sometimes deeply mentally ill people have extremely disordered sexual behaviors, and she can control just as well as she controls the rest of her life- which is not at all. It's a fruitless endeavor to expect fidelity out of a psychotic woman who refuses treatment.

[@joemomma2189]

I couldn't live like this- I wouldn't.

[@sophiescott143]

Story 1: The illness may not be the wife's fault, but it's not OP's either. OP is blatantly not equipped to handle full time care of someone with that kind of severe psychosis, and being expected to be her full-time carer does both of them a disservice. Marriage vows don't mean anything when staying would destroy your life as well as hers. OP needs to divorce and go his own way. His marriage has been over for a long time. It's not his fault or hers, but it's the way it must be. Edit: Haven't seen the updates yet, didn't realize it was a single-story video.

[@purpleiguana208]

I kind of miss being called a "cheeky so-and-so." :)

[@leannecanty8821]

Our mental health systems and supports need to be better.

[@alexfunniman5335]

At a point, you just gotta let them dig their own hole to rot in

[@kimmieevans3598]

It will always be some thing .Every episode there will be yet another one

[@Buff_Helpy]

Alright, I'll say it, unless the wife gets serious help, OP needs to leave. Update #3:I can see where the daughter gets her classy behavior from.

[@IAmCar47]

"Its not her fault shes like this" bullshit, she chose not to take her meds! Shes making choices that hurt them both, and its clear ok is enabling it

[@udonsayyyy8856]

First I want to say be strong and courageous to those taking care of a loved one with mental illness. If OP's wife had Alzheimer would everyone's still support him bailing out on her? Wedding days we stand in front of our family and friends with cute vows to "deaths do us part" yet once her sickness shows it's ugly head her elderly mom must take over where her husband left off, with no support in placed for if or when she gets violent again this time with her poor mom. The same court we run to for divorce is the same court that could have declared her mentally unstable in need of DPOA (Durable Power Of Attorney) with that OP could have at least have her checked in somewhere for a few months getting her to a safe place he had that opportunity when she got violent with him and get the paperwork to help her. Working in Health Care System you see this over and over again she's sick people not thinking rationally oh I should take my meds. As a society we should hate the sickness not the victim to the disease mental illness is exactly that a disease people.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Hey you yes you remember to take care of yourself gosh darn it, you are always valid, and I love you and care about you so please take care of yourself 💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗

[@tamsinmoore2111]

Unfortunately, the only life you can truly save is your own.

[@cheskydivision]

I would think it was better to sell the house and use wife’s half to pay off wife’s debt. Op should have tried to commit wife to put her back on meds.

[@emanx222]

Fuck, that first commenter made me cry

[@june7343]

Wake Up OP nothing is going to be amicable now you are the enemy in their eyes and no matter how much you've been through because of her darling princess she is still gonna blame you I just hope you don't roll over and fight for all the money you've lost because of her financial abuse.

[@majesticed9329]

If this was on AITA the guy would have been crucified

[@amberleeannalee1999]

Section 30 in the US can force inpatient for 30 days or longer

[@amberleeannalee1999]

That woman is a paranoid schizophrenic or a severe bipolar and she will forever go on and off her meds. He is better off alone and so is she. Less stress for both of them

[@amberleeannalee1999]

Husband staying with her is enabling her not to get the help she needs. If she ends up on the street that is NOT OP’s fault or responsibility.