Career Change After Late Autism Diagnosis | Burnout

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WhatDreamsAreMadeOf # IsThisMyLife
I'm Tay, a married mom of 2 who was diagnosed with Autism at 31 years old. This was after YEARS of therapy (and all of the self tests in the world!). My diagnosis has brought up questions, frustration, doubt, but most importantly, a new level of self compassion and understanding.
I was self-employed for 10 years as a private flute lesson teacher. After my autism diagnosis, I started re-examining my life and all of the many things I had said "yes" to, including my job. In this video, I'll explore the top few warning signs that told me it was time to look for something new, and give you some encouragement if you feel stuck like I did.
I'm here to share knowledge, resources, and products that empower other neurodivergents (and their loved ones) to live freely and creatively. I'm not a doctor so please speak with your healthcare providers before implementing any recommendations I make on my channel.
Females are under-diagnosed due to lack of research. Please share any videos that are helpful to you so we can spread awareness and acceptance.
Music by Milky Wayvers ("Mountain")
/ milky-wayvers-mountain
Thumbnail Photo by Kelli Tungay on Unsplash
#autism #autistic #aspergers

[@chrissame]

“I need very clear and defined boundaries of what my role is supposed to be” story of my life. Predictably Is key!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Absolutely!

[@Hellenen]

😢Yes

[@aubrey2025]

Hi, This is one of the first videos I've ever watched about adult autism. I'm crying right now. I was diagnosed with ADD in the 6th grade, but I now firmly believe I am also on the spectrum. I am 41 years old. I worked in a hospital for almost a decade and then went back to school as an adult for dental hygiene. It was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I graduated from hygiene school in 2012, and I feel like I've spent a decade in Hell. At this point I've worked in 3 states...3 completely different areas of the country...and I've worked in so many offices I've lost count. I have struggled in ways I can't describe. I've always excelled with patients, but it is because of how I've had to think so hard about every single patient, very much the same way that you described. I have struggled with employers/dentists for years. The trauma I've lived though finally broke me. I can only describe the past decade as a long, scary, lonely road that led to an eventual emotional health crisis. I'm writing this now, in December. I haven't worked since March. I am lost, but today afyer watching this video it is the first time I've felt just a little bit hopeful. I have no idea what I should do to move forward. I don't know what kind of career to move towards. I can't afford to continue to bot work, but I'm scared and I'm traumatized. I don't know what else I would be good at. Any suggestions or resources you can share with me would be so appreciated. I don't know if there are any comments like mine, this is the first time I've ever done research on a video forum like this, and I have been struggling with it all day. Thank you for being here and for sharing this information and your experiences. I can't believe I found you. Thank you!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You’re so welcome! Would love for you to join me in a connect group in January so you can find some support! You can check out my offerings at taylorheaton.as.me Glad you’re here! You’re not alone

[@aubrey2025]

​@MomontheSpectrum Thank you!

[@aubrey2025]

​@@MomontheSpectrum❤

[@aumgillett8475]

So much of this is exactly me. & I've spent so much of my life in a very highly stressed state because "You're smart. You'll figure it out " "See, you're doing great!" & also "Why are you doing it like that?" & "Why are you so weird"

[@liskavanrijin]

This video just hit me like a bus. I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 30, while still being a teacher in training after wanting to be a teacher since I was 14. While I was in the process of getting a diagnosis, I quit tht job, which was my absolute life goal, and changed the work field to another job that is connected to the education system, but not directly in it. I am now merely a guest at school, or kids come to my workplace and do projects. Right now, at age of 31, I am about to get my Autism diagnosis aswell. That combo of ADHD and Autism just made it impossible for me to "survive" in the educational system of my country. I was nearly burned out at the age of 30. I was so shocked, but the decision was the only right one. I found your channel a few weeks ago and learned so much about autism. I am so thankful. And I am happy that you could make a similar decision aswell. I wish you all the best!

[@amberr2934]

I also started out as a teacher. And all the transitioning and talking to other grown ups was completely exhausting. It was a higher stress position, and I completely burned out. I taught for 3 years in special education if that isn't ironic enough. I could always relate to my autistic students and understand their feelings and behavior better than most others. I never believed I was autistic because I did not meet all the requirements, (being female and probably overlooked), I have always felt very smart and that if I just try really hard, I can do whatever anyone else does. I also struggle with CPTSD which can look a lot like autism. It is relieving to be able to sort the two out because I feel I have lumped it all into CPTSD and felt like such a failure for not being able to function as others do. Looking back through the lens of female high functioning autism, so many hard things make a lot more sense! Now I understand. I have been a homeschooling mom for a long time now. We do best when we have uninterrupted time, and I can give people very clear boundaries as to what they can have of my time and space. I am giving myself a bunch of time right now to organize my home in a way that will help me to transition from task to task in my own home better.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Amber! I am inspired by your comment. Organizing your space and communicating clear boundaries = #goals. That takes a lot of energy and self-compassion. So glad to hear I'm not alone in the fact that teaching pushed all my buttons in the wrong way, though I'm sorry you've also had that experience. My diagnosing psychologist also mentioned there was some type of post traumatic stress disorder that I'm sorting through as well, and you're right, the two can look very similar. If you're a reader, The Body Keeps the Score is an ENLIGHTENING BOOK about PTSD/CPTSD and how trauma works, though, trigger warning, it deals very explicitly with stressful and sometimes fatal incidents of stress-related trauma. Overall a FASCINATING and insightful book. Towards the end when it discussed Psychodynamic therapy, I swear the therapy was happening to me as I was reading it and it unlocked something in me. PROPS TO YOU for homeschooling! I tried that this past year with the pandemic and I don't feel I can adequately give my children the teaching they need. So glad to meet you. Please let me know if there are any other resources I can share that might be helpful to you.

[@Heyu7her3]

That's so interesting. I am not sure yet if I have ASD, but teaching was the most regulated I've been as a worker because I had a structure. Of course, I really stunk at navigating the communication with adults (and students, too). But I did not burn out like I did with other jobs and had better regulation of body needs (eating meals, sleeping on time, caffienation, etc)

[@DunderMifflin_ThisisPam]

That is so interesting. As a teacher I have finally realized why I identified with and was drawn to my autistic students.

[@galespressos]

Teaching is challenging. Have also done some special Ed and could better relate with the autistic kids. Interesting isn’t it? I want to comment more but am tired out right now. Just wanted to say they, it’s great you are giving time to yourself to organise in your home.

[@galespressos]

What you are talking about sounds like my experience. What I was doing was intended as temporary and I knew that from the beginning, however I ended up having to stay longer, developed a pattern that worked, got very successful but at a cost of severe exhaustion and was constantly having to “act” (which I have discovered is called “masking”), and although I tried to leave, I wasn’t able to do that, and got more and more worn out, autonomic nervous system , hormones went topsyturvy, and I kept going, and got really unwell, plus lots of sensory issues and with chemical sensitivities was getting more worn down, often having to get off mid commute sometimes five or six times one way because I couldn’t keep going, then eventually body completely crashed and career (which I had not planned as a career and had actually planned not to be a career from the beginning) crashed with my health. Very good to find a way to transition to another career before the body crashes from overdiligent persistence in doing what others expect us to do but what we should not have been doing because it’s a gross mismatch, or in my case a match if occasionally done but a killer if done regularly and frequently. Sounds like you will get to have people interaction just enough as a software person but can have more much more autonomy and can work without the people and avoid the overload. We need to find a way to switch even when others are surprised and don’t agree, or back out in some way (such as a spouse saying, well actually why don’t we delay another couple years after something else is done for that career change and move, then waiting without complaint only to be told to wait again, and pretty soon it’s a dozen years later and body system has been frizzled out). It’s wonderful you are making the move to something more suitable, and avoid a total system crash. Thanks for sharing. It is great and encouraging to see successes.

[@robinsweet1827]

I've been many things over my lifetime: Radio DJ, News Anchor, Traffic/Sports Reporter, a HS Teacher, a Published Author, etc. I've never felt like I fit in. I don't have a lot of confidence in myself, yet I have loads of it for other people. Have no clue whar my purpose is, & I'm not good enough with my passions to get paid. It's hard to keep my chin up. As a middle-aged adult, I suspect I'm autistic. I'm definitely dyslexic. So, it does help having a possible word to explain & express who & what I am. TYSM

[@tanyaerickson612]

The inner dialog sounds so familiar questioning everything you're doing wanting everything perfect all the time jeesh it's exhausting

[@cory99998]

"Defined roles". That's such a great way to put it, I basically only feel comfortable when there are defined roles and boundaries, very few unknown variables.

[@freezo244]

At 60, I self diagnosed as ASD and had been a high school English teacher for 22 years. I loved my students but at 61 I resigned-the classroom is a very hard place to be for soMeone with ASD. The almost constant masking, and too many teachers and admin are bullies.

[@meganfreedman7139]

Every single video I watch of yours, I just nod along to. I was a teacher for 10 years, but I just finished a software engineering degree because it fits so much better with my skill set!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

That's awesome! Good for you!! I wish you the best of luck and think it's so encouraging to hear you're making big changes to better accommodate your needs.

[@ginadelfina5887]

Yes, I also started out as a teacher, but started to get burned out after only a few years, due to all the constant social interactions (with very needy small people during the day, & also their parents during pickup & drop-off). I remember feeling like I was "faking it" & only pretending to be confident. During the day, I would start to feel like I was about to snap. At the end of the day, I would have almost no energy left for interacting with my own family. Now, I have a job where I can still help people and interact with people, but it's more limited and interspersed with other more solitary type tasks. Thank you so much for all your great videos, Taylor.

[@jbug884]

I came out of teaching and into driving instruction. I feel more comfortable in one on one situations and mainly young people.

[@CathyThwing]

I just retired from my full-time job, and I'm slowly realizing how incredibly exhausting and draining it had been having to mask everyday, not being able to control my sensory environment, feeling out of sync socially, and having to experience changes in supervisors and co-workers every year or two. The work itself, web-editing with a lot of coding, suited me so well, and that's probably why I was able to work there until retirement. But so many aspects around it were too stressful and draining. Like you, I felt that these were just struggles that everyone faced and it was my responsibility to simply power through it. Well, it's taken me five months to move past the stress, burnout, and overload! My part-time job is teaching online with a community college, and it fits me perfectly! I feel so grateful now that I can have a lifestyle that suits me for, possibly, the first time in my life. I'm so glad you're making changes early in your career! Wishing you all the best, and coding is awesome!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Hi Cathy! Thanks so much for your comment! My eyes started tearing up with your last bit about finding a lifestyle that suits you for the first time in your life. Good for you!! I know that took a lot of bravery, self awareness, energy, and lots of recovery. Thank you for sharing this hope and best of luck to you! I am excited to enter the world of coding and am happy to hear that part served you well. Please let me know if there are any additional resources I could share that might be helpful to you. Tay

[@pepolite4082]

Did you just... Read my mind in that first 5 seconds??? Optician for 11 years and just recently got diagnosed with autism at 31 😐

[@raevynwoods9403]

Your final point about needing to know HOW to actually teach is so familiar to me... At the end of my uni degree I did a half-year teacher training, where you are trained as a high school teacher. I should have stopped because it was way too stressful for me in general, but one of the things contributing to that is that you're supposed to sort of just pick up how you're supposed to teach by watching your mentor? And I felt so lost, because that was not enough for me. I can explain things pretty well, but all the stuff around it... How does one come up with interesting activities for the students? What are you supposed to do in the teacher's room? How do you talk to other teachers?

[@MomontheSpectrum]

yep. I definitely needed things spelled out for me.

[@sarawawa8984]

Not autistic but I relate to the not coping well with undefined roles/undefined job responsibilities. Shortly after college and about a year of working, I realized that I need clearly defined roles and expectations. The whole “you make this job what you want it to be” is a nightmare, and so when I began interviewing for other jobs I made it clear that I need clear expectations, clear tasks, clear and structured responsibilities. Basically I need structure. Got a fellowship opportunity where I told them this is what I need and got the exact opposite. The job was completely up in the air, Nobody really knew what I was supposed to be doing. All I wanted was a task set out in front of me and I would do it and I would do it well, but I didn’t get that. That fellowship was the final straw that sent me into a partial hospitalization program (and a long recovery), and the people were all very kind, the job itself wasn’t high stress or intense, but the lack of clear tasks and expectations and responsibilities just upset me soooo much. I like structure, I like clearly defined roles. It’s honestly why I think I thrives as a student. So much of being a student is structured: you get a class schedule, every class has a syllabus (sweet sweet syllabi), papers often came with rubrics. Everywhere you look in school there are very clear expectations. I loved it. I loved school. On top of that structure, roles are clearly defined. Students defer to teachers/professors. There are very clear professional boundaries (I love boundaries). When I had a professor who wanted to be friends with his students I was not about it, because it was blurring the boundaries and role expectations. I was friendly with professors (I used to talk with one after almost every class with him about the subject because I loved the subject and how he taught it - anthropology) but I liked that I could be friendly with that professor and there were still clear roles/boundaries. The professor who wanted to be friends? Stressed. Me. Out. It’s like, there are rules! Follow the rules! Then we’re all happy! Basically over the years I’ve learned I like structure, I like professionalism, I like rubrics, clear expectations, syllabi (aka being told upfront what to expect so no surprises), and clear boundaries in relationships, particularly working relationships (aka professionalism).

[@xoxoLeony]

Oh I’m happy to have found your channel! I’m 41 and am currently being assessed for ASD. I so recognize the feeling of needing everything spelled out (and written down!) for me to be able to do it. And even though I’m a decade older than you I also come across way younger (and feel very much not like a full-on adult myself) and get so awkward around many people of my age or slightly older because I literally feel like a child next to them. Like when the whole in-law family gets together I would feel more appropriately seated at the kids (late teens to early 20s) table as opposed to the grown up table. Eek.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

WOW! I can relate to everything you have said. I've always felt like a child, even though I also felt smarter than everyone else and more aware of what needed to be done in any particular situation (who's hungry, if the temp is uncomfortable, if someone feels left out, etc.). Best of luck with your assessment! Would love to hear back about how it goes. Please let me know if there are any additional resources I can share that might be helpful to you.

[@cnightingale9]

Kid’s table every time. And I’m 58!

[@Rita-tr6cq]

Lol, are you describing me? 😊

[@jenntakesnote]

I was a voice lesson teacher, so I totally get this. The burnout from grad school turned into extreme burnout as a voice teacher. I found special education after all of that, and I like it! I’m probably not going to teach forever, but it’s providing stability. That was the hardest part of being a contract worker-the instability

[@virgofairy88]

I spent about five years being a substitute teacher, an aide and the a teacher and during the last year I became very burnt out and was stressed out all the time. I ended up leaving nine years ago and got into medical coding. My aunt did it and she really enjoyed it and I was always into science and problem solving. I ended up spending a year in school, graduated and passed the national certification exam in 2015. Since then I was hired to work at a large hospital system and I’ve been there for almost eight years. I’m one of the three trainers on my team. I also was president of my local chapter (AAPC-American Academy of Professional Coders) and I wrote an article for their magazine on pediatric oncology. The best part is I get to work from home and I don’t have to be around people all the time which stressed me out. It’s been absolutely life changing and I’m so much happier now in my 30’s. If I knew my autism would make it harder for me to become I teacher, I would’ve chose something else from the start.

[@girlsrnotwimps]

Thank you thank you thank you! I’m only just processing the realization that I am autistic (I’m 57), and your videos have helped me more than you could know. I always knew I was very different but I never put two and two together to see the answer is autism. I’m in the mind-blown stage. I feel incredible relief and a whole bunch of other things I’ve yet to parse. You are helping me understand all those things I’ve put so much effort into managing for 57 years. My life suddenly makes sense. All these things that have caused such psychological distress no longer do. All the things that made me feel so less-than can now be filtered into another box, one with which I can be gentle-that I can look at without recoiling or despairing. I’m understanding the “whys”, and it feels amazing. If you ever wonder whether your voice matters, it does. It matters to me. ❤

[@BarryBazzawillWilliams]

I am a former teacher pursuing a career in cyber security. I have currently acquired a job in software testing that is specifically targeted to autistic employees.

[@justbeegreen]

If you don’t mind sharing how you got into this program, that would be appreciated. Thank you.

[@BarryBazzawillWilliams]

@@justbeegreen www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/aurora-neuroinclusion-program?context=1

[@lavedacontreras7847]

I have not been diagnosed as autistic but I know I am. I was diagnosed as having learning disabilities and ADHD. I believe I have all of it which would explain the weird pull in different directions. What I felt was normal, which has always been normal for me, I am learning is not normal. For my family it’s normal but my daughters are most likely autistic as well and have ADHD. So it’s normal for us. I am commenting because I felt the exact same way with my job. I had what most would consider a dream job. I was a dog trainer. I loved the dogs. Yet when I would get home I was so emotionally and physically drained and exhausted. I had such issues with maintaining the mask I always have on and it hurts. Everything you are talking about hits home. This was a wonderful video. BTW, I am a flute player. I made my comment during the video then had to add something. Now adding again. I am getting a degree in Digital Media and web technology, with a minor in marketing. Why? So I can work from home. 😩 If I can actually utilize what I have learned.

[@lindsaymorrison6989]

Hi! I’ve just been diagnosed with Autism, and am a woodwind/piano teacher. There’s so much in this video I relate to, especially the need to go overboard in everything and eventually burn myself out. I used to teach privately, but now I teach for the council. I think it works a bit differently here (Scotland) - instrumental teachers are employed on the same contracts as secondary school teachers (we are paid a salary by the local authority), so the roles and structures are very clearly defined, which has helped me hugely, though I still get anxiety when I’m doing things out with my defined role. Actually, it’s more when it’s a gray area, like entering pupils for exams out with the school system. It can be part of my job, but not necessarily in every situation, and I find that kind of nuance really difficult to manage and massively anxiety inducing.

[@dawnmulder3540]

I taught special education (severe emotional disabilities, self-contained). I felt like I related to students with ASD/ADHD the most. They were my favorites. I loved being self-contained, because we stayed in our own wing. Visiting kindergarten classrooms was completely overwhelming to me (too loud, too busy, too many visuals, etc.). After semi retiring, I worked as an aid for two years in a high ability 4th/5th classroom. There were 28 students, and four or five needed extra behavior support (ADHD/ASD). I felt so connected. I did have a hard time during collaborative group activities (too busy, too loud, too overstimulating). Lunch duty was excruciatingly overwhelming. Now, I work in a small bagel shop making bagels. It can get too loud, but I am moving so much and physically active (getting pressure from hand slicing bagels, lifting objects) that I think I compensate. I miss the kids, though.

[@DunderMifflin_ThisisPam]

😳 I've been a middle school and high school teacher since 2001... I burnt out badly in 2011 and taught piano and voice lessons privately for 2 years, which I actually found harder in some ways. I can mask easier in front of a whole class than with a student for 45 minutes. Yes the switch between students is exhausting (!!!) The strange thing is I'm often the student's favorite teacher. I do really care about them and am a nurturing kind of person. But I don't get why they like me so much and sometimes I feel other teachers dislike me for it. ANYWAY, I can only seem to work half time now, teaching high school 2-3 long days per week, and when I get home I'm completely exhausted and just sit in my room in the dark. I don't know what to do because I've been teaching for so long and people don't understand why it's so draining for me. Great video. 💕🦋

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Sounds very similar to my experience! Thanks for your comment.

[@sachadanielle6596]

Omg I can totally relate as I was diagnosed last year at the age of 30. I was a primary school teacher for 8 years (I think you call it elementary school in the US). I suffered from burn out all the time from the workload and didn't realise how much masking I had to do. interacting with the teachers, the noise, transitions and limited breaks affected me. I feel so liberated, I left last year and am now doing my masters of psychology so I can be a school counsellor and eventually a child psychologist so I can live one of my special interests every day 😆 hi from Australia 🇦🇺

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Hello in Australia! Thanks for your comment. So awesome to hear you're studying psychology and that it makes you feel alive!! woo hoo!

[@truthsleuth945]

In my experience others will say that I'm suited to a particular job which may be true on one level but does not account for the traits that are in conflict with the lived reality of that job. When an interviewer asks me why I am suited to a particular job I would be faced with the awkward task of explaining that I need to switch from a 'drama-filled' job to something that is more autism-friendly.

[@Laura-ii1xq]

I was self diagnosed at 50 with my daughter being diagnosed. The woman that diagnosed my daughter and my son said I probably do have it. She could tell talking to me. I was misdiagnosed all my life. Non of those diagnoses made any sense until high functioning autistic. I have changed so much sense I found out about myself. Taking the masks off revealing all the things I struggled with before. Masking for so long made me so sick I had to quit working and go on disability. I also found out I had scoliosis, something my parents ignored and didn't tell me. It got worse because it was never addressed. I found out about it also when I was 50. I was in a lot of pain that was never explained to me. Doctors always assumed I knew why I was in pain and treated me like I was being childish about it. Like of course you are in pain, you should know why. Until I was in a car reck and I complained to my latest doctor. She was like, well the arthritis on top of your scoliosis is what is really causing your pain. I was like, what? She showed me the x-rays from the reck of my back. So much from my past is explains from the scoliosis and autism. Your video explains a lot about when I did work. My last job was as an activity coordinator for low income of four family units and four high rises. I did crafts with a room full of kids more then once a week. A lot of transitions from one community room to another. I also bussed them to activities often. I delt with kids in abusive homes. Adults that didn't want to take responsibility and blamed me for their bad behavior. People would stop talking when I walked in the room because they knew I could tell on them if they were going against the rules. I know with autism, you catch stuff like this. I did jobs that no one else would do. They had me work in security sometimes when they were short handed. I would come home so worn out. My home was always a mess. They wanted me to be part of the women's group that met at night, but I didn't have it in me by then to go. I ended up calling my boss crying and quitting. She is the one that convinced me to apply for disability. She said I did a really good job. She even fought for me when someone would try to blame me for their bad behavior. But she could also see my struggles. I use to feel bad about not handing that job better. Now I see that it wasn't a good fit for someone with autism. I can see now how things affected me and why. For example doing crafts with a room of kids was loud and even stressful sometimes. The sounds bounced off the wall and the lighting was bad. You have made me think about everything. And wow, I can see it all now. I can see how I was affected in so many things. I'm already writing a lot here so I won't get into it all. Thank you for this video. It has opened my eyes. I also want to tell you that you are fortunate that you learned this about yourself at your age then at 50. There is so much I could have changed if I was able to know at your age and unmasked then. But I guess better late then never.

[@relentlessrhythm2774]

I'm an ex public school teacher too. My first year teaching autistic students was the year I found out I was autistic myself. I loved my students but my aides were so difficult.

[@neurodivergentme]

Thank you for sharing this! Im a nutritionist at a naturopathic clinic and even though I only see patients 2 days a week, I'm left completely drained. Nutrition is my special interest and this was my dream job but as I'm learning more about myself, I'm beginning to think it's not the right fit for me long term. I can heavily relate to difficulty connecting with work peers and feeling immense anxiety any time I have to interact with any of the doctors. The amount of mental energy this career requires of me just doesn't feel sustainable. I was also diagnosed in 2020 at 32yrs old and have started making shifts in my life to better support my needs. This video definitely helped put words to how I've been feeling.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

So glad it has helped give you some words to describe your experience. Sounds like we are in similar places! And also that you have a pretty good understanding of what your body is telling you in regards to what you need and what helps you feel grounded. Trust it!

[@shannonramiro6067]

I only saw your comment after watching this video, a year after your comment was posted. One suggestion I have for you is consulting or coaching others on your own with regards to nutrition. I think families with autistic people in them would be especially helpful to find such services, especially because parents of autistic children become highly concerned when they believe their children are not eating enough or enough different foods.

[@whitneymason406]

I worked in early childcare the past 6 years with toddlers. Although I love working with children I always dreaded working with their parents. Not that they weren't nice people, I have just always had social anxiety around people my age. I enjoyed working with the toddlers because it gave me a space to be silly and immature and not feel judged. Now that I have my diagnosis and my husband and I have switched roles, I find being a stay at home mom challenging at times. I didn't realize how much I really thrived on the routine at the center I worked at just as much as the children did! My son is currently attending school 3 half days/week and I think I'll reach out to his school and see what their routine is and try to replicate it at home the best I can. I think that would be beneficial for my kids and me! Thanks for sharing your experience!!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Yes, staying at home, while comforting because of the safety of the environment, is super challenging because it's really hard to enforce a consistent routine. I'm missing that as well and look forward to having a schedule as soon as I land a job!

[@JuniperLucas555]

I’ve been at the same job for 7 years now and I really hate it at times, but going out and getting a new job is terrifying to me … having to deal with a whole new set of people and everything being different, I just can’t bring myself to even try.

[@lynns4052]

I am 34, diagnosed at 33. I have loved art my entire life, but I went to college to be an X-ray tech. I thought I needed something more stable, with steady income because I came from a really unstable situation growing up. I was scared to try to make it as an artist. I was an X-ray tech for 8 years. Last month, I left my hospital job, completely burnt out. I hated it. It just wasn’t for me. The constant stimulation, small talk, trying to manage coworker relationships, etc. I was always so drained emotionally and physically. Right now I’m working from home doing data entry, while I try to figure out how to use my passion for art in a way that works for me being autistic. It’s been a long journey and I totally relate to so much in your videos. I’m also a mom so it’s a lot to juggle for someone like us. It’s great to see videos like this and remember there are actually people I relate to so much.

[@Jmal1090]

Hi, I know this is an older comment but I'm in a similar situation. I've been working as a Medical Laboratory Technician for almost 6 years now. I wanted something stable and with decent pay, but it's exhausting for me because things are always changing in my lab - rules for what antibiotics can be released or hidden from doctors, what procedures we're using etc. And these rules are always introduced via email and a brief mention in meetings. I feel like I'm inadequate at my job because of this. On top of that, I hardly ever talk to any of my co-workers because it's just too exhausting to do so. I feel like an alien there. The work itself isn't too bad- I know what to expect for the most part but I tend to get bored of it as well. I also don't like feeling trapped in the workplace for 11 hours. I've been hard on myself, telling myself I'm being a big baby because I have a good "setup" by society's standards- benefits, only working 3 days a week and usually making enough to cover bills and expenses, my student loans being paid by the hospital network I work for- but I'm not happy there. I'm not passionate about it. I have some interest in science and knew I would have no contact with patients, which is why I chose this as a profession. There are just too many things that I have to remember and keep up with. I don't know where to go from here. I was wondering how to work from home somehow but my degree doesn't exactly allow me to find remote jobs (that I know of)

[@lynns4052]

@@Jmal1090 I am still working the same remote job I was before. I got lucky with mine getting it through a friend so I’m not sure how to get other ones. But it was just a sacrifice I had to make. I make like half of what I used to. But I also didn’t have student loans or anything. Maybe you can find a different lab tech job in a smaller place with more consistent rules. It sounds like your job is pretty chaotic and that wouldn’t work for me either. I can’t managed rules being changed all the time. I need routine. Maybe if you try to find other jobs in your field one will work better for you. You can’t worry about what other people think of your good setup. I had a great career from an outside perspective but it was killing me. I couldn’t handle it. I didn’t know I was autistic when I went to school for what I did. I just thought eventually I’d figure out how everyone else does it. I didn’t and probably never would. You get one life. I can’t waste mine in a career that I hate. I’m still figuring the rest out but at least I’m trying to find something that works for me.

[@grainymaggots]

Im 39 and awaiting diagnosis. Currently a nurse in the hospital but since realising I'm autistic, have been looking at ways to use my nursing skills but in a role which will allow me to not have to constantly switch/transition between tasks, constant interruptions and the head stabbing nurse call buzzers. Also looked into programming but I do actually love being a nurse, just not in hospitals

[@meganwinslow-ks4yy]

Oh my goodness….you just laid out my entire life story, in detail. I’m in my early 40’s and now stay at home with kiddos after “retiring” from 15 years of teaching flute in Oklahoma. I am also very petite and young looking for my age and worked in high schools while my oldest 2 were tiny. I could have literally told this exact same story, down to seeking wisdom from my high school flute teacher. It took me longer to figure these things out about myself though and brought my studio to my 910 sq ft home and ran a large studio (complete with every incentive structure you can imagine to create “community” that I needed to make it all make sense to me) from the house so I could control my environment. I burned myself out, but it took adopting our youngest 3 kids to feel like I had an “excuse” to say goodbye to that chapter of my life. The funny thing is, is that I didn’t miss teaching, ever. Not once. I enjoyed running a studio, building the website, and coming up with all kinds of creative incentives and camps, but that is what helped it all make sense to me. I don’t know that I ever really enjoyed teaching, as awful as that sounds. I enjoyed making music and collaborating with colleagues, but I hated performing, so teaching was the obvious answer. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I started researching Autism a few years ago when it was becoming obvious to me that she was on the spectrum. And then I started looking at myself and filled pages of how this made my life make more sense to me as well. I am undiagnosed, but am starting the journey now that my daughter was diagnosed a few weeks ago. I so appreciate the information you’re sharing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and God bless! ❤

[@RosemaryWilliams49fruits]

I'm an English as a second language teacher in Japan, and have been for going on 8 years. For lots of the reasons you mentioned I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out what career I could possibly change to. My issue is that language is one of my special interests. I like teaching English, except for literally everything about being a teacher outside of explicitly teaching English. I struggle with how to talk to or play with kids, and I especially struggle with focusing on, and doing things outside of my interests. So a good 70% of my job is too stressful and difficult for me, while I absolutely love the other 30% or so. I also don't have many other skills. I have a conversational to semi professional level of Japanese, and minored in graphic design, but I've only ever worked professionally as an English teacher. Because most jobs I have an interest in/that are connected to special interests of mine that I could reasonably expect to be able to focus on, also require lots of time and energy spent on other people...I see them all as being just as likely to drain me, and continue giving me burnout. That's what I'm struggling with/what's preventing me from changing. I did consider a switch to video game translation work, but I have zero experience in the field, and so far haven't found any offers. I also looked at hospitality related work (cleaning hotels etc) to try to find work that meant less time with people. But so far, most jobs I even remotely qualify for, would require me to spend so much time with other people, it just feels like an insurmountable struggle. I don't know what to do, or how I could make things better other than currently I'm looking for part time teaching jobs instead, and I am hoping that, that will make things easier for me. Also hoping to be less into my job, and maybe start making English education KZbin videos for all the topics I'd like to cover so I don't try to make my job a hobby and overdo things.

[@ozono27]

Hello Tay. I am extremely happy to have found your channel. I have around a week, almost binge-watching your content. I was diagnosed 7 years ago, I am almost 43 right now... so.. same as you, I was already an adult. I want to thank you because the video about the Spoons metaphor was important to me. It really helped me see myself with less guilt, after I watched it. I wanted to comment something that may be of help for those looking for a change of career. It is important to know that reading about things that you may find interesting as a new career is a good thing. But take into account that the process of learning about something can be very different from the process of actually performing that as a job. One clear example is Data Science. Learning the algorithms, the architectures and all that, is amazing. But the actual job in the industry is very unstructured, people still doesn't have very clear what to ask from a data scientist, and it is not always clear how you will add value, and presenting your results might not be seen as something valuable.. as people usually wants to get the data to confirm what they believe, or what they want to prove. This is true specially if there is a Data Analysis part to the job. Also, in those areas, most of the time can be tedious, just getting the data, and cleaning it, and not much of creativity and dealing with the statistical or mathematical models that look so amazing and interesting when one is studying. So... my piece of advice would be.. always try to ask someone who works in the area, what types of roles and positions are there in that area you want to work in, and how a typical job routine looks like. From the answers you can see if there are patterns or circumstances that you know that will be draining for you.

[@bradleygibson200]

Fantastic advice!

[@Gillymomma1225]

Binge watching your videos- late diagnosed mom of 3 here at 39 years old. I left my career of nursing after 14 years because although I loved it and was told I was great at it, I realized it was burning me out and a huge source of my anxiety and meltdowns. The self discovery has been amazing yet hard!

[@somethingfromnothing8428]

I got pushed into working in retail part time whilst i was in college by my parents. I have a degree in music but have never been able to find work outside of retail because its the only work experience ive ever had. Ive never been able to be happy working and now i realise im autistic and that i hate every job ive bounced between, i hate because im constantly working in enviroments that are full of my triggers. I’ve decided that this year im going to break the cycle of bouncing between one unhappy low paid job to the next and im going to start my own business that i can work from home and avoid having to spend long hours in stressful enviroments

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Good for you! Sounds like you are ready for a change.

[@K1tC4t_94]

When you talked about not understanding how to teach, I had to pause the video. You described my anxiety about teaching exactly. I got my degree in Elementary ed in 2017. I never started teaching because I got pregnant with my son shortly after graduation. I also felt like my time student teaching was a train wreck on fire caught in a tornado despite what my mentors and teachers thought. I never felt right being in charge of children's fundamental learning when I didn't know what I was doing. I'm not diagnosed autistic, but have suspected for about a year now. This is just another example on a very long list of reasons I might be autistic.

[@WeepingWillow422]

The only job I ever had was a pharmacy technician job for 4 years. That job is what alerted me to the fact that I had autistic traits. I had them when I was young, but what I didn't realize is that throughout my later childhood, teens, and younger adult years I had learned well enough how to hide those traits... stuff them back as best I could... and therefore was also able to fool myself into thinking they went away when really they didn't. It got harder to deny they were there once I entered the workforce and was faced with all of the challenges. But anyway, I would NEVER recommend that an autistic person work in a pharmacy. Maybe there are some who could do it well, but for most of us, a terrible fit. The only thing I credit that job with is how it led to me finally being diagnosed ASD. *Don't become a pharmacy technician.*

[@milkbunnies]

This is where I’m right at now. I removed myself from my work at the age of 49 as I knew something was ticking right. Had the diagnosis recently of ASD at 50 and I know now I can’t go back into that industry after 27 years, as I can see the triggers and I’ll self sabotage it.

[@petalleahy7936]

Flute high five!! I got into college on a flute scholarship too but I'm glad I didn't major in it or pursue teaching because it likely would've gone the same way for me. I took on a single high school student for a couple of years kind of as a favor for a fellow flutist from my church who said they were going to and then couldn't... it felt like the right thing to do to say yes but it was absolutely outside my comfort zone and socially had me on my toes every second of it. I am self diagnosed autistic but hopefully getting assessed next month. I am currently in burnout, I have a passion for herbal medicine and pursued a masters degree in clinical herbalism but by the end I could barely touch anything related without crippling anxiety. Then I sat in a weird limbo where I was supposed to be starting my own business but burnout and demand avoidance were kicking my butt and I really couldn't so I was just depressed and poor. Now I'm taking a step back and working part time at a retail garden center, which is still stressful for me but has some structure and regular pay and definitely less stressful than other jobs. I'm doing a lot of reflecting on how I can personalize my business to work for me as well as everyone else, like selling online instead of at farmers markets (social nightmare) and how to do consultations mostly over message and phone instead of face to face. I trust in my creativity to figure it out but I just hope my verve for my career path comes back. I remember enjoying it so much before.

[@Andre_Ons_Marshall]

I was diagnosed with ASD, ADHD and dyslexia at age 52. I had to retire at age 47, due to masking all the time and not understanding burning out all the time and trying to push through. I eventually became chronically ill with cancer and a vestibular disorder. I’m grateful to understand it all now, wish I had not kept pushing myself as I can’t drive anymore and my days are mostly spent lying down. It’s nice to finally come and not hide it anymore, I always felt different yet so ashamed of myself back in the 70s and 80s you were just labeled as dumb, slow and lazy. Yet I tried so hard to fit in. Thanks for your videos they are helpful and great

[@catalinkaa]

Hi! I'm a physiotherapist. Every day I work with 4-5 people in their houses. This is so exhausting! I totally get what you meant. I want to change my profesion too and I also thought about programming! But it is really hard for me to motivate. I cannot afford right now any courses. So I need to study on my own and to get and do that... it's hard. thank you for your work here for our community

[@4everpee]

My first criteria for a job is not too much social situations. I pick jobs that dont demmands to talk alot.

[@christincooper4605]

I have recently come across your channel/videos and your story is uncannily similar to my own. I am 34, a private piano teacher with a master's degree in piano performance, and I struggle so much with transitions, especially the transitions between students when lessons are held back-to-back. I do often interact with parents, but I am SO uncomfortable with the short little parent conversations in the studio waiting room. I am also considering going into a tech field and learning coding skills for some of the EXACT reasons you mentioned. I have never thought I could be on the spectrum (AND never thought about working in tech until recently haha) but I have been learning a lot about myself and exploring what neurodiversity really means through resources like yours. I'm so intrigued to learn more!

[@marlotaylor922]

Thank you so much for this video. Highly reliable as a teacher. The observing, learning, rehearsing to a tee, and finally having some flexibility after years in the field. The appearance of being younger is also relatable. Still figuring it out at 42, but recognize it's a life long adventure and trying to make it work for me, after learning about autism so late.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Sounds like you're learning to give yourself grace and gaining some helpful perspective. Thanks for sharing your experience! I think people on the spectrum can make incredible and unique teachers. Best of luck to you as you continue learning about yourself and those you care for!

[@jenniferschiller7742]

I am listening/watching this video while I am getting ready to go supply teaching. I’ve been a high school supply teacher for 14 years. I am not yet diagnosed, currently waiting for an appointment to get diagnosed, but I’m pretty sure I am on the spectrum. I was just looking into applying to be on the elementary supply list, And instead of them answering their questions, they just put me on the list. I honestly feel like I would prefer to work in a room by myself stocking shelves. That’s what I was telling my husband this morning. I can really relate to what you were saying about your experience being in schools. I can’t deal with transitions either, and my job is constant transitions. And I also don’t understand what is expected of me, especially now since everything has changed in the last two years within the schools.

[@MattStrom1]

I've recently been working towards a diagnosis myself with my counselor at the age 37. I came across your videos as I've been feverishly watching all of KZbin researching ASD, and your videos have been very helpful with assessing my own experiences within this new frame. I am also a software engineer, and I love it. It fits my brain so well, and I enjoy going to work every day. I hope you find the same joy with it.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks so much for watching and for sharing this Matt!

[@stephaniebarrows5428]

Thank you so much for this. Your description of transitions made a lot of sense to me. I don’t have an official diagnosis, but I suspect ASD, ADHD, CPTSD/PTSD and HSP might be among my issues. (I’m also very empathic.) I had the same flute teacher for 8 years ((high school and college); in college, I majored in flute fora semester. It took years of reading sports psychology (starting at age 14), doing mind-body practices, meditating (even teaching it) and energy work to overcome crippling performance anxiety. I still underestimate my knowledge, wisdom and experience, despite having learned flute pedagogy, music composition (on my own, mostly) AND performance skills on flute and other instruments. And, I’ve recognized in recent years that having structure (with freedom to create within or on it) is important to me. I consistently undervalue what I have to offer. At times, I can create music and art at the stop of a hat; but, when I feel overstimulated, that can be challenging. It’s as if I need to “get in the zone” before I can tolerate activity around me. I’m over 40, and I’ve never had a job or committed relationship for over 3 years. I crave structure, but I can’t stand being limited by others’ self-imposed limits. I’m still studying music, but I wonder how I’ll learn to thrive in a way that’s healthy for me and allows me to create and grow in ways that benefit others and myself.

[@monicalarose7980]

Relate to so much of this! For me, my struggles with my current job are 1) lack of clear and defined job responsibilities with how to do certain tasks 2) complete lack of structure 3) sense of social isolation/confusion - not fitting in and 4) inability to be authentic about my beliefs due to the organization and many of my coworkers being much more conservative politically/religiously than me (and I'm learning inauthenticity at that level tends to be especially difficult for autistic people). Like you say, I'm often overwhelmed and utterly exhausted by trying to figure these things out. At the same time, my job has some benefits that are helpful for me as an autistic person - I can work from home and set my own hours (if I'm struggling and need to work irregular hours - for me, I'm often barely functional in the morning). I also rely on the income, and getting a job I could enjoy is pretty difficult for me with my social struggles. It seems like 90% of jobs out there are strongly oriented towards neurotypicals. I am still seriously considering a career change into something I find less draining, perhaps fiber arts (I'm obsessed with knitting), but I also have ADHD it's pretty overwhelming envisioning both handling a change like that and imagining doing all the executive decisions I'd have to make (planning for a reduce my income that would come with shifting careers to one I lack training and experience in and learning completely new job skills). I worry a lot about changing a job with some difficulties for one with more. In the meantime, would you have any tips/resources to point to that might help autistic people add more structure or other productivity strategies into their own lives? Ways of surviving in jobs perhaps not ideal for an autistic person but the best current option?

[@MomontheSpectrum]

These are great suggestions for areas of future exploration on the channel! Thanks for sharing.

[@delilahhart4398]

I have a degree in Spanish. I love my subject, and I worked as a tutor for a few years. I wasn't very good at teaching, because I didn't have a good theory of mind, so I couldn't see things from the students' perspectives. Also, many of the students didn't take the subject seriously, and that really irked me, because I felt very passionate about my subject. I currently work from home for a government contracting company, and I love it! I have to talk on the phone all day long, which can be anxiety-producing, but I'm in my own environment and don't have to deal with any of the social BS that comes with working directly with other people.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

So glad you've found a situation that fits your needs! Send good vibes my way as I continue my job search!! :) :) Thanks for your comment. Please let me know if there are any other video topics I can cover that would be helpful to you.

[@CitizenSlide]

You’ve explained the lived autistic experience perfectly, with your own individual spin. This is really worthwhile video to watch for anyone wanting to learn more about autism. 👌

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks so much for taking the time to watch and comment! Please let me know if there are any additional resources or videos I can share that may be helpful.

[@kina7]

It’s so interesting that you talked about relating to people and kids and looking young! I’ve always struggled to act and dress my age and relate to people my age. I definitely feel more comfortable talking to people 10 years younger and feel like I have only just started to “grow up” more recently and I’m 38!! I haven’t been diagnosed yet but I’m seeing a psychologist who says I have neurodivergent traits. I too struggle with anxiety when it comes to relating to new people and new situations and currently in a career and self discovery crisis haha. I came to see my psych thinking I have adhd and anxiety (as I rated highly on that) but it may be ASD!! I can’t believe it

[@spiffytj]

I am a Texas flute teacher when I work and I commented a few weeks ago on a video I previously watched. You described it very well! You must have started right around when I left after an unexpected move to an area that didn’t have as much need for flute teaching, mixed with a new baby and illness in the family.

[@simplyme1102]

I've worked as a private language teacher for the past decade and I quit my job this year because of all the reasons you've mentioned in your video. Thank you so much for affirming my decision! ❤

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You're welcome! Best of luck to you!

[@ironfistasuka3563]

I have been coming to terms with my autistic traits and found this video very relatable! Thank you for sharing. I was a Nurse for 10 years, and in hindsight, I was putting in a lot of extra mental effort to make it “work” for me. Like you, I convinced myself that everyone struggles through work! Now I’m working in Admin, where the boundaries and tasks of my job are more defined. It’s made a huge difference to my wellbeing :) Thanks again for sharing your insights here.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You're welcome! Thanks so much for your comment.

[@katieviren9382]

I appreciated many of your points, and your journey helped to explain why certain career paths just did nit fly for me (coaching and teaching among them). I was fortunate to get into computers early and my career as a print production artist (not a graphic designer) has been perfect. I am valued for my focus and technical precision. I am approaching retirement now, and having trouble making that transition. This makes me think I should perhaps adjust my approach to what I am hoping to do (art) and focus on what fits my neurological profile and let go of being "typical" around this. Thanks for your transparency and clear communication.

[@LadyJennivieve]

I am transitioning into financial planning as a 37yo neurodiverse woman. Numbers and systems are two of my special interests. I am so grateful to have a completely understanding and unique employer who is so supportive of my mental health, but also in helping me to grow personally. Transition warnings, structure, frequent breaks if necessary, modifying the learning environment to suit the person that I am on that day. He’s awesome 😊

[@BespokeByNellie]

Hello, I know this video is a year old but I just wanted to say that I can really relate, and it applies as much now as it did when I was diagnosed at age 53 in December 2014. It began the change of perspective on my career, struggles growing up, parenting and so much more. It also gave me a deep sense of gratitude for myself that through the struggles and triumphs before diagnosis I never gave up. I too struggled with many of the same things you shared in the video, and all of these years later still do, in some areas, but, I now know and have better tools to recognize when I am experiencing sensory over stimulation and I need to rest, or when I judge myself as I should know that. I hope you are finding your joy in your new profession. I just found your channel and I will definitely keep watching🥰

[@terrybartlett3014]

I've been binging through many of your videos, and this one hit close to home. I've already related to many aspects of your story, but when I found out you were a private flute teacher it was an "ah-ha!" moment. I've been a private voice teacher for over 30 years, and have figured out many ways to adapt without knowing I was masking, but I'm still always SO exhausted by the masking and constant shifting of personalities/energies every 30 minutes. During lockdown, I went from teaching in a studio at a school of music (and a few students at the church where I also directed) to everything online. The school eventually shut down, and about a year ago I offered one day a week for in person lessons at my house, and two days a week for those who wished to stay online. I struggle SO much now, especially with the in person lessons, but I'm getting better at creating breaks in my schedule to reset. I resonate with so many of the things you said, SO MANY. I also created a new soap art business, where I get my creative needs met and rarely have to interact in person, as I don't have a store front (and don't want one). Someday I hope to get a diagnosis, but I'm 99% positive I am autistic. Wishing you much success and ease in your new career path. Thanks for all you do.

[@craigcarter400]

I had a career change when I moved to Arizona back in March. I was doing the gig work apps part time before but it was time to change to full time. Between being stuck / forced to stay at minimum wage or just above during my marriage and going through divorce it made sense.

[@bacchira1251]

Thanks! I am at this point now, questioning myself if my current job is really a good fit. I had been a product owner for about 10 years and now I am leading the po department with 9 employees. I am just switching from meeting to meeting and each 30 - 60 meetings I meet with other people and we are talking about other topics. I am good at it according to my people, but I am so drained! I started job Coaching for autists, evaluating which job would fit better. Maybe I ll switch to coding too. Wish you all the best for your new job and beeing glad having you as a colleague in the industry.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

So cool that you’ve been coaching! Feel free to drop your info here. I’m sure others may be interested in your services! Or email me at MomOnTheSpectrumTX at gmail with your info and I can include it in a resource guide for the community that I’ll be releasing this summer.

[@mosesbernard1]

This resonated so much for me. I’ve recently discovered I’m likely on the spectrum and am in the process of getting a diagnosis. My special interest is medical science - specifically biomechanics and sports performance. That led to my current job as a chiropractor. Even though I’m “successful” at it, it’s exhausting. Every 30 minutes (not 25 like in your case 🙃) I have to task switch to a new person with new complaints, different communication styles, and different learning styles. Understanding the human body, and understanding the social dance that is ‘health care’ are VERY different things. As a result of all of this, I will be transitioning out of my career over the next year - despite being at it for over a decade. Thank you for your channel, and thank you for helping us feel understood.

[@SayJay3737]

I relate to this so deeply. I’m undiagnosed currently, but all the self assessment results were like “yeah, it’s not even a question.” I currently teach high school Latin (one of my SIs), and teaching is truly so difficult for me. I suspect I may also have comorbid adhd because I have a lot of those symptoms as well. A colleague told me at my last school that “maybe teaching isn’t for me, even if it hurts to hear,” and it did really hurt to hear. But I also had no admin support at that school, and it made my job so much harder. At my current school I have great department support - my department chair has fought tooth and nail for me - and my students all love me. Like you said, not to boast, but I truly am good at what I do. My program has seen rapid success that it never had before I got there. In fact I’ve been there longer than any other Latin teacher so far. But the amount that I have to give of my mental and social and emotional battery to accomplish all that I do makes it so hard to enjoy any other parts of life. I also (unsurprisingly) am terrified of change. I’d almost rather continue with a suffering that is familiar than attempt something completely unfamiliar but with the potential for more happiness. It’s so difficult, and I don’t know that I can come to the decision you have without it being made for me. Were you seeing a therapist when you processed all of this or was it a decision you made fully independently? I often don’t trust my own opinions of things (because they’re opinions, not facts), and have to have someone with more expertise validate before I feel comfortable enough with things to make a decision. How did your husband respond to this decision? (Not that I’m implying he’s the one with “expertise” here, but a job change affects your whole household. Did it cause him anxiety or stress or was he relieved that you were hopefully going to have more to give outside of work instead of being constantly drained?)

[@galespressos]

😢 Yup, totally get it on the transitions. Even though being a flute teacher probably allows some autonomy and control of the situation, going to different places instead of teaching in your home sounds like it was made topsy-turvy instead.

[@MrJivanMukti]

I’ve worked with data and programming for decades. As I have advanced in my career I’ve had to become a project manager. Multiple tasks on multiple projects with many different people all going on at once. That’s been incredibly taxing. It’s taken me more than a year with a new job just to decompress and start to think about what is really going to work for me. Fortunately I have some really good support now. I hope I can get back to programming and data. I understand your reasons. I think a lot of us old school geeks who came of age in the 80s have autistic traits, that’s why we tend to work with computers better than we work with people. I hope your new career goes well. Best of luck.

[@AutisticPriest]

I know I'm late to this, but I just saw it now. My autism diagnosis in my mid-30s after already being a priest was a big part of the decision to go back to school, get a doctorate, and become a theology professor rather that working in more normal roles for a Catholic priest which involve a lot more social reading or ways I'm not great at.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

sounds like an important change you made for yourself! Also I love your youtube username. 🕺

[@lauralomonaco5847]

Thank you ❤

[@TRXST.ISSUES]

Your channel is like a meltdown sanctuary - a place that can be visited whenever in that rough illogical place. I empathize with your experience heavily, both as a freelancer unable to draw boundaries and as a sales professional exhausted from trying so hard to read social cues like a scientist and practicing over and over and over. When I finally reached my breaking point at the peak of my career so far (outbound sales executive) I turned to delivering food of all things and found it much more tolerable. Until it wasn’t... because I’d be expected to work beyond my scheduled shift times which infuriated me and stressed me out greatly. Thank you for making this channel, it’s very much needed. I haven’t had a formal diagnosis but many questionnaires online put me in the aspie category. What I find really rough is when I have things that are atypical to common aspie expression causing personal doubt on my self diagnosis. For one, a lot of literature suggests that aspies are often oblivious to social cues, and while I am in some respects I have spent hundreds of hours learning and spending a ton of focus on attention to detail to pick up on subtle social cues. A face twitch, a flash of the eyes in one direction or another, a change in tonality or body language. All necessary skills for salesmanship. But in knowing these social cues I seem to fall out of the oblivious category leaving me feeling even more misunderstood and out of place ironically. I guess the best summation is full circle in that I appreciate the work your doing as I feel out of place and dysfunctional on a daily basis.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

"out of place and dysfunctional on a daily basis." Me too, friend. I still go through similar doubts about my diagnosis because I've created so many "workarounds" to appear neurotypical. It's hard getting a diagnosis later in life because you've already created so many ways of managing life in other ways. I think the social oblivion stereotype is misunderstood. I study social cues similar to the way you've explained it. But facial expressions are confusing to me. I know how someone is feeling but I don't think it's how others pick up on it. Like you said - body language, shift in tone, it's like the energy changes, and that's what I pick up on first. If my husband has a strange expression on his face I always have to ask him - what is happening right now? Am I supposed to say something back to you? What are you feeling?

[@TRXST.ISSUES]

@@MomontheSpectrum this resonated 1000%. It’s a double edged sword in that my parter often contends I misread her despite all the time I’ve spent studying and working professional in a field dependent on interpersonal skills. It just leaves me feeling a bit crazy and questioning myself if what I’ve intuited is actually accurate. I so appreciate your husband sharing his perspective on being neurotypical with a neurodivergent partner as it has given me some insights and understanding to their way of seeing things.

[@SmallBobby]

I just love the way your brain works 😍

[@LWeOAreVOneE]

I'm currently in my 5th year in the classroom (2 as an assistant and 3 as the teacher), and I am burned out. I teach at a high school for kids with learning disabilities (mostly ADHD and Autism), and I'm realizing this might not be a good fit for me. On the one hand, I get my students in a way that a neurotypical teacher wouldn't be able to, but I am also constantly bombarded with sensory overload. Thankfully, my sense of smell has always been terrible, but just the lights and the near constant noises drain me. Many of my students have impulse-control difficulties, so they get on each other's nerves and argue. They won't stop talking. It's incredibly difficult to get through notes in a reasonable time because of the frequent off-topic comments which sometimes distract me. Heck, sometimes I'm the one who makes the impulsive comment because I teach math and every time I see the number 42, I feel like I *must* point out that it's the answer to life, the universe, and everything. I feel like I'm terrible with classroom management, and I'm too similar to my students to be a good authority figure. I also can't help them much with executive dysfunction and organization and time management, because I really struggle with all of these things as well. I'm constantly overwhelmed by all the details I have to keep up with, and I never feel like I'm doing enough. I love my students, and I love my school, and I love my coworkers, but I am exhausted almost constantly. I'm in a burn-out cycle where I'll recover decently over the summer, but then about 2 weeks into the new year after all the stress of having to learn the changes and the new students and the new flow of how the classes will go, I'm already starting to get burned out again. On top of that, I'm still trying to finish my alternative certification because I didn't go to school to be a teacher, and these intense Master's-level courses are absolutely killing me. I took two in the fall. I managed to complete one and then had to drop out of the next one two weeks in because I was absolutely unable to function. I'm dreading having to take that class again. The entire class was based on forced interaction with other students online via Blackboard and research papers. I'm a decent writer, but big projects always stress me out because they're too overwhelming, and it's such a struggle for me to figure out how to break it down and where to start. That was hard enough for my bachelor's when I would have maybe two or three papers per semester and plenty of other types of assignments to help pad my grade, but when the entire class is based on research papers and horrible, awkward, forced interaction with people I've literally never met (which were also supposed to involve research and sources for some absurd reason) that's the perfect recipe for me to fail. I kind of got pushed into teaching by circumstance, and at this point, the only reasons I'm still teaching are because I love my coworkers, I love my students, and I'm terrified of trying to find another job. I struggled so hard trying to find a job before this one, and I don’t have enough in savings to support myself in between.

[@bethanythatsme]

I've had a really difficult time being gainfully employed at all throughout my life, ( I'm a 44yr old AuDHD gal,) but there are autistic people in my family that are geneticists, professors, and graphic artists. It's difficult not to compare myself to them & I'm hoping to find something I can feel successful at.

[@_D_A_V_E_]

Very commendable move. Best of luck with it. Certainly sounds like the right decision.

[@emilyeah]

Thank you for sharing so authentically. What you are saying resonates a lot with me. Also, I bet you sing beautifully too. Love your voice.

[@peggychant8319]

Thank you for sharing.❤

[@user-bz2zk8pi6l]

Oh, my friend!! Talk about choosing a career that is the antithesis of Autistic needs! 😮🤣 Thought... it almost sounds like your subconscious decided to thrust you into the most neuro-typical and extreme option to help you adjust! 💜

[@TheWilliamHoganExperience]

You are my hero Taylor.

[@elizabethfreed472]

Such good career advice in this. Wow, thank you so much, Tay.

[@elizabethhouser3357]

Thank you! My daughter has autism. She is 12. This helps me see how to help her feel more comfortable, reasonable career expectations. Helps me understand her autistic father more.

[@narriparri]

This was very well explained and also opened things about myself more.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Glad to hear it was helpful! Thank you for your comment.

[@user-yv6xw7ns3o]

This is really meaningful for me to hear from you! Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts and experience!! I think I might be finding myself in somewhat of a similar situation at nearly 35 years old.

[@hopej9647]

I am currently a hairstylist, and completely drained every day. So over having multiple small talk conversations everyday. Loud music playing. Multiple conversations going on all around me. It is way to much to handle on a daily basis. I am not even sure where to start on finding a new career. But I am totally overwhelmed everyday, to the point I feel sick everyday.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

being a hairstylist definitely seems like a draining career for someone on the spectrum! I can imagine how overwhelming that must feel

[@katpablo]

I have been learning so much about myself through your videos. Thank you for all the thoughtful content you make. 💙💙💙

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You are so welcome!

[@DolceSuono9]

I relate so much to most of what you've said. I tutor/ co-teach in a public high school and I'm also used as a paraeducator as needed. That wasn't part of my job but covid has changed a lot and my schedule can change without notice sometimes 10x in a week I can be redirected, it's so stressful. I have my own office for tutoring but, yes, changing between 6 and 16 students with different needs and abilities (special ed majority) is hard. I also function as a quasi counselor. I personally also deal with high levels of auditory stress both at work and in my current living situation, too. I have to keep my job until I can pay off my school loans, I'm not sure what I will do after. Maybe I'll stay on for a while, but I do want to be self employed, probably do something more artistic. I'm starting to explore now, which is a good distraction! Currently I'm focused on photography-- a lifelong passion that had to be pushed aside. :)

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Love to hear you’re finding ways to pursue your passions! So important.

[@shelbywells4624]

As always, such a great video. Thank you so much. I have known about my ADHD since HS, but until finding your videos, I had no idea why it didn’t cover nearly everything I was struggling with… bless you.

[@althea1462]

This was so eye opening. Thank you so much for sharing this experience, had so many light bulb moments while I watched this!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You're welcome! So glad to hear there were some light bulb moments for you in there. 💡

[@abbygryder8780]

Wow, this hit hard for me. I have ADHD and have also been working as a flute teacher for a decade. (I’ve been watching through all your videos since my husband was diagnosed with Autism at 31) I have experienced a lot of the same difficulties with teaching flute, although due to slightly different adhd reasons/mechanics. I also mainly wanted to be a mom, and now I am, and I’ve been thinking a lot about how to go back to work and what I want to do going forward. This video was very helpful with my thought journey - thank you for sharing! 💕

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You’re very welcome! Go flutes!

[@NikkiVelazquez]

I too tried teaching... twice. It took a very long time for me to realize that I'm just not wired for it. Too much people-ing, talking, and trying to always seem normal. I was also a social worker... that went ok when I had specific topics to discuss with the families, but when I had to freestyle... awkward. Now I do paperwork and other behind the scenes stuff and am SO much happier. Also, your audio is VERY quiet. I had a hard time hearing you.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks for sharing your experience and for the audio feedback!

[@mysticartist7]

Tay, the flute teacher job sounds freaking brutal ! Good that you chose to switch careers !

[@MomontheSpectrum]

It was definitely a good change for me 😅

[@Jessalyn032]

Hah. I’m a violin teacher. I mask when teaching and I am burned out. This hit home.

[@Sunset1705]

Congrats on the decision and the mover forward! So enticing and I’m happy for you that this will be a better situation for you. (And make way more $ than a music teacher!)

[@MomontheSpectrum]

haha yesssss!!! Now if I could just land a job... :)

[@alisonlight9193]

Hi! Just Love your channel and love all your videos! I'm a designer, which in day to day tasks is very similar to being a developer. I love how I get to sit by myself, with my headphones on and put all the different pieces of a page in order. I get to make to everything is on its place, pixel perfect and it's so soothing. Hope you enjoy get that feeling too in your dev work 🧡🧡

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you so much for sharing this! So glad to hear you've found a path that brings you life. :)

[@quintensaenz1538]

i am 19. i was diagnosed with autism at 14 (just barely qualified as a pediatric patient at the facility we went to). i was told that having a job or navigating a career was going to be difficult, and i was also told i might not ever be fully independent even then. im trying to come to terms with this information now as i have a relatively low stress job but just like my last job im having anxiety about going in to work, i have meltdowns once im there, and its super stressful. its always been very hard for me to keep a job. i wont be able to get out of the customer service business for a little while longer, and even then my next option is STILL me working with people, but i hope it will be just enough for me to figure out another solution

[@andreamckerlieluke911]

I was also a private flute teacher for about 5 years after getting a performance degree! Studio teaching is what was always encouraged as a performer to supplement income; both teaching and trying to constantly prep for auditions absolutely drained me constantly. I am on wait-list for autism evaluation but self-diagnosed late 2022 (at age 31!) and it has taken me so long to let go of expectations and try to find what works the best for me. I'm now on the board of my local flute club and get to play in a single professional group, while my "actual" jobs are remote in arts administration. Thinking about having kids soon and I am so thankful to be finding your videos at this point in my life! I may show this video to some of my flute colleagues and/or ask you about providing a resource for our neurodivergent flutists/teachers.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Absolutely!! Thanks for your comment.

[@hrrh]

❤ thank you so kindly for sharing so much information and detail!🎉 I celebrate you and your contribution to all these lives you touch down or touching and will touch. Your message was encouraging and it is August 2023 now and I just watched. I'm excited to subscribe and learn about your journey since you made this video. I'm especially curious as to how you are working and mothering those two children you mentioned. We think similarly however you are such a beautiful kind compassionate interesting organized woman that I would not place myself even close to the level where you have arrived. Keep up the beautiful work

[@jasonelia3268]

I love virtual reality gaming I've been. I want to choose my career path in doing something that I enjoy

[@faustadilauro8201]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. Ever since I got into working when I was 18 I had so much difficulty to cope with social interaction that has alway been very exahusting, and I think It might be the real reason why I went through nervous break downs and changed many job throughout my life. I Always felt frustrated cause even though I worked few hours I would end up my day like I wasnt able to talk or do anything, like my only Wish has Always been go to bed and shut the world out.. its still a daily struggle today and I am trying to find out how I can change my life and choose a job that doesn't cause me all this suffern and continuous burn outs...

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Sounds like you have gained a lot of self awareness about all of it over the years. Sending you good vibes as you continue to learn more about yourself!

[@faustadilauro8201]

@@MomontheSpectrum Thank you Taylor 💌

[@camellia8625]

Whilst you were doing additional unpaid work you were developing your skills and a good reputation for yourself. That said, your mental well being needs to take priority.