Reacting to Facebook Comments by Angry Men!! Singapore Population Census | The Thirsty Sisters #42

[@TheThirstySisters]

Will you ever have children? Why or why not?

[@Venicevoo]

nah i rather get pets

[@kieronfooz_]

@@Venicevoo ah me too

[@TheThirstySisters]

Fur babies may be the best babies 😉

[@Enchante...]

Perhaps not....Can you imagine if the relationship ends up failing and you have to go through a divorce, the fighting of custody that may not even guarantee a win and in the end, you lose both. 🙃

[@kncnsm]

My wife and I were married in our mid 20's when we were still in college and only decided to have 2 kids when we were in our mid 30's. There will always be anxiety about not having the financial means to provide a good enough and safe environment since all parents-to-be want to give their best when they have a child. There will also be mental anxiety about whether we are ready and can be good parents. No one is ever going to be 100% ready to be a parent. It always takes a leap of faith. Becoming a parent is a constant learning experience since parenting evolves with the needs of the child as they grow. There isn't a magic formula since every child is unique. If there is a magic formula, it is simply LOVE.

[@iDreamerz2]

My wife's female boss did not give her pay increment and bonus when everyone in the company got it. Reason given by her boss is that she is more emotional during her pregnancy. Even women make women's life hard in the industry. So sad right

[@TheThirstySisters]

This is terrible babe!!! 😱 Sending love your way 💞💞

[@sgmei]

Not every woman needs to have a child to be a complete woman. We bleed every month as if that's not enough to prove we are women already. My childhood friend who is married and have 2 kids once told me this, "you need to find someone to make you happy" and I actually told her, "why do I need someone to make me happy? I can make myself happy, I don't need someone else to complete my life, yes, sure, maybe you found out that marriage is nice for you because you found the one and is able to dedicate to the life you are having now, but it doesn't apply to everyone." I decided I don't want to have kids regardless of whatever reason when I was 18. I'm turning 31 next month, and I still think the same. I feel unstable even for my own life, how can I manage a life that I have to be responsible for until the day I die (because your children will forever be your children regardless of how old they are :D). I've decided that I'll focus my life on myself and my mum and that's it. If I manage to find a partner that shares the same view as me and doesn't want children, I'd be happy. Also, I think that whether your parents support your choice also makes a big difference. My mum supports me fully on not having kids because she knows how tough it is to bring up a kid as she was a single parent struggling to bring me up. We are in the stage that now we enjoy life, spend money on each other, self-care etc.

[@TheThirstySisters]

GO SISTER we don't need no man to make us complete 👏🤩

[@Ravenonweed]

I did not want to have kids ever since when I was in sec school, Im 30 years old and it still has not changed and I had people telling me "you will change your mind" "who is going to look after you when you grow old" "what if your bf wants kids?" and I go "bitch my bf does not want kids as well and its my choice, its not your business"

[@TheThirstySisters]

You tell them babe 👏💗

[@BlueCutie6166]

I really believe children should take after their mothers' name even in a solid husband and wife relationship. Women carry the child in their bodies for 9 months, suffer bodily changes, get their insides ripped out during childbirth and the husband gets the child by his name? If you as a man need to have your child bear your name to acknowledge that it is your child and not because that is your sperm, you probably need to reevaluate your intentions as a father. It is like working on a project in a group of 2; one researching and writing the whole report while the other contributes a pen but the final project was graded an A to both. Also as a counterargument, some credit it being tradition. It was once a tradition in a certain culture for people to eat their dead family members. Should it continue to be practiced merely because your father, grandfather, great grandfather and your whole line of ancestors did it for themselves and they turn out okay? We're given brains to think and progress on earth. Progress starts with re-evaluating tradition. Really interesting topic that is brought up here. This is why I love listening to you two.

[@damienwong3250]

I do get why you and many other people feel that the anachronistic practice of a child taking his biological father's surname is completely unfair - because it is! However, the converse holds true too. It would be equally unfair for society to impose rigid rules in favour of the mother. After all, in families where both parents are present and involved, both parents should have an equal say in the name of their child. Rather than follow any social convention, both parents should consider their personal circumstances and decide the name of their child without the weight of any expectation placed on them by anyone.

[@ubikentang2017]

How about if we include both surname? Isn't that better?

[@TheThirstySisters]

Very true babe!! Let's start a revolution 🙌🤗

[@TheThirstySisters]

That's a great idea!! Both mother's and father's are equally important 🥰😊

[@SD051009]

Having a child is really a huge responsibility and a long term commitment + it has a no refund policy 😅 (life is short, do what makes you happy 😃)

[@TheThirstySisters]

If only there was a trial period for having children 😜🙌

[@SD051009]

@@TheThirstySisters yasss & having a niece / nephew is just a teaser 🤣

[@SabBliss]

I think the work culture in Singapore is tough and contributes to extremely fatigued individuals. My life largely revolves around work to the extent my dreams (or nightmares haha) are all work/office related. I still get contacted when I am on leave to be consulted on certain matters. The only reason why I think I can cope with work before and right now is largely because I do not have kids. I can’t imagine how it will be if ever I have a family of my own. Even as a single right now, I am already wondering if I would have the same energy to spare for work as I get older. What more to have kids.

[@astrolight5000]

If on an individual level you don’t feel ready to have a kid, then don’t. But on a collective level, happy and healthy families are better for the flourishing of a society. And hence that will always be the stance of the government which has a stake on taking care of the collective.

[@amiramohamadrafi9804]

i am 22 years old and marriage is not in my near future, yet i am already concern about my financial status and if it am able to buy a house or have a kid. i feel like i can’t enjoy myself because i know subconsciously that i need to save the money for future sake. feels like if we give in to societal pressures, you lose your sense of self??? because you end up investing in big assets rather than yourself (fuelling interests etc)

[@TheThirstySisters]

It definitely is a HUGE sacrifice to provide for your future children!! Stay strong sister 💪💖

[@redwings1974]

If we are financially stable, having a child is ok. Just have to plan properly and work things out as a family. Issues will arise, then resolve it with open communication and action. Family bond is important, never let financial issues or other people comments affect the family bond.

[@singaporeslackers]

agreed. family reigns above career.

[@liewquek]

TTS spoke abt the underlying issue faced by working moms.. the constant struggle of work, children, husband, parents, and even parents-in-law.. in addition, the "children" category includes (list is non-exhausive) disciplinary issues, health, diet, sleep, studies, manners, values, etc.. all these social and non-$ matters are much more overwhelming. Though "cost" is not the main deterrent to having children, having unstable finances adds onto another layer of "struggles" women and men will face. Nonetheless, salute to all mothers and fathers out there who chose to nurture their children despite knowing the challenges and struggles ahead. It is not an easy journey, but let's make it worth!

[@zerodegreescelsius]

Just found your channel. The quality of your content is impressive. Gonna binge watch 😆💯

[@TheThirstySisters]

Sending you love babe 🙆‍♀️💕

[@cashmerehazel21]

To those who tell others that *if they do not want children then they are plain selfish,* here's my response... After interviewing many people, it's concluded that *those who want kids are selfish.* There are two main reasons: *1. Kids would fulfill a complete marriage* - many say that being in a marriage is not complete until they have children of their own and they need children to fulfill their ideal idea of a family eg. going on family trips, giving the their parents grandchildren to carry, having laughter at home, having common topics to talk with their colleagues and friends like choosing tuition teachers etc. This is selfish because you are using your children to give you happiness that you are unable to fully achieve in a married life. Children are not there to ensure your happiness and more often than not they are the reason for most divorces. *2. Kids would take care of them and the society when they get old* - people expect children to care for them in their old age and expect children to contribute positively to the society. There are so many instances of children ignoring their parents, children not earning enough to even feed themselves due to the current competitive economic environment, children migrating due to the borderless and technologically advanced world, children dying before their parents, children not able to secure a job and living off government subsidies etc. This is selfish because you are expecting ROI = return on investment just because you brought them up does not mean they are obliged in any way to repay you because you've never asked for their consent before giving birth to them. Those who say they are selfless and gave up everything for their kids are actually suffering the consequence of their actions ie procreating. They soothe themselves by constantly repeating to themselves that there are bright days too, that a child's hug means the world to them, that when a child first calls out "mummy" and "daddy" it made their day, having children teach them patience and kindness etc. Again, those are selfish reasons because you are deriving meaning from (in other words "using") your children's existence.

[@TheThirstySisters]

This is why having a healthy parenting style is very important 🙌🙌

[@libraries144]

im glad im not the only one that thinks this way, always love listening to TTS opinions

[@Venicevoo]

i love how y’all are addressing diversity 🤩

[@TheThirstySisters]

Thank you babe 🙆‍♀️

[@naughtybermudas63]

my day is brightened by this!!

[@TheThirstySisters]

🤩🤩

[@Flastew]

You guys always make great videos with fun topics. You beautiful ladies really make me smile all day.

[@kncnsm]

Singapore's issues with lower rate of marriage, lower birthrate, and higher divorce is not unique. Most developed nations in Europe, Japan, and Canada have been experiencing declining population growth with an inverted bell curve of aging population since the early 2000's. With higher levels of education, higher cost of living, most folks tend to put off starting a family until they feel more financially secure but financial security is also subjective to personal choices and expectations.

[@TheThirstySisters]

If only there was more support for those who choose to have children 😢😢

[@kncnsm]

@@TheThirstySisters The government should provide quality childcare as a free service for citizens. This way, mothers can have the freedom to focus on their careers without feeling the guilt. Providing quality childcare will also ensure the next generation is well taken care of and taught the right values. The current status of using domestic maids as a nanny not only penalizes lower income families but it also means maids are being exploited to play dual roles of cleaner/nanny when they may not be qualified or able.

[@YN-ix2ti]

Omg sylvia and nina!! I totally agree with the not being able to take care of myself and what's wrong with staying together without marriage. However, I got shot down by the older generation about not having faith in life. What about taking a leap of faith. It's like parents went through such uncertainty before, why can't we? 😓 I felt so hard to continue the conversation

[@iuhaij7525]

Thanks for doing this episode TTS ! This topic is so relatable to me esp now that im pregnant. I worry about my work progression though I have nice colleagues colleagues and direct RO around me, just can't help feeling that I will be left behind on the appraisal ladder when you are also trying to build your own family. Unintentionally one of my superior actually told me that he knows may be my priorities at work would be different with marriage and baby. I actually felt insulted and hurt cos I treat my work seriously and its not nice of him to assume that of working mothers. There needs to be a change in how society see working mothers and govt have to do more to support us in terms of workplace arrangements and childcare. Moreover Im just lucky cos I managed to conceive naturally, there are more and more young couples who are seeking IVF treatment due to fertility issues too so its not like 你要生就有的....

[@TheThirstySisters]

Congratulations on your pregnancy dear 🥰💞

[@Thunderbolt89]

I was born pretty late, so my parents are actually quite old. 8 years age gap with my sis, who already has 3 kids. I'm now left with a semi sickly mum to take care of (because my sis has so many things to take care of). I don't think I ever want to get stuck in a situation to choose between mum or wife (move out, sending mum to nursing home etc). And becuz of all these years of being around for my late dad and now sick mum, never really feel like I have enjoyed my life fully even as a single. Any sort of commitment just scares me now (probably a selfish thought but it is what it is, sigh)

[@TheThirstySisters]

stay strong brother 🙆‍♀️💪

[@itsfakeluv9271]

I just love Sylvia and Nina together it makes me so happy hope you reach 1 million soon! STAY SAFE

[@TheThirstySisters]

Stay safe sister 🥰

[@yeoshaoqi9824]

Thank you for the content Nina and Sylvia. I am so grateful that in this current climate of polars we have a moderate voice that speaks for the people who are slightly more liberal. I have lost so many friendships becos of this ideology of feminism. To me, the root cause of the issue is that females generally have been disadvantaged for too long that they don't know how to speak up for themselves without being overly aggressive. To me, the best way to advance the feminist cause is to be forthright about why you deserve better, while being gentle. That aggression is no way to hold any conversation in a civilised society much less among friends. So thank you for the content and all once again. Peace!

[@TheThirstySisters]

Don't compromise your views for others!! Good job babe 🙆‍♀️💗

[@Joey-kf8qx]

Babesssss i LOVE to listen to your podcasts while im doing my workouts cuz the both of you are soooooo funny! ❤️ lots of love from Malaysia!!

[@singaporeslackers]

i respect the podcast and the 2 hosts. discussed the issues well and learnt a lot from it.

[@redwings1974]

Is a society issue. Work, expenses.. there has to be a balance and family time. Work is work, family time is family time. Is an issue that is holding families back.

[@viajaycay]

Just to address the balance here a bit since everyone talks abt being unable to fend for themselves now much less a child hence not wanting a child. I have several friends, including family members, who had an unplanned child and were not financially stable. One thing ive learnt from them is, u may think you cant afford to raise a child now, but when your child is there in front of you, you will work your butt off to make sure yr child gets the best of everything. You will make it work. Thats what i learnt from them

[@cashmerehazel21]

17:15 Spot on! This is a whole topic in itself. Not to mention if your child don't excel well in life and suddenly brings home a shotgun grandchild for you to take care. Happened to a couple of my acquaintances including my neighbour. Not to scare you but what if your child or your shotgun grandchild is born with abnormalities that need even more money to take care of them? Like what Nina said, there's no trial period or undoing the birth of a child. Think twice, NO, think 10 times before deciding you are ready for a child. I'm speaking on behalf of your unborn child too 😉

[@junn3835]

12:30 if that ever happens then its just a major red flag imo, bc the partner should be focused on spending time with the child as well. it shouldnt only be the wife's responsibility to make time for the child and her partner

[@yexinxin5588]

I love Sylvia Chan Forever

[@mich2511]

There is a working mum subsidy, which is about $300 and non working mum is only 150

[@johntan8843]

This indeed and social problem, something not easy to dealt with but yet have to be discuss more for that change to happen. But having that said, should be change in a way where the privileges are not being abused at all.

[@Jeanelle101]

One of my fav episodes!

[@pooiyian]

It's really great that Casper can be raised in Singapore and live with his dad! I hope his mum is also in or coming to Singapore?

[@mich2511]

I just got married last year. ROM to be exact. Due to covid our banquet has been postponed for a few times or whole back. But that's not the main point, 😅 I have staying at his place since then together with his mum. With both our things in the room there isn't enough space imagine where can we find the space for our child. I was thinking after I got my bto flat. A place we can call our home. But covid haiz. Bto delay 9months I am not young already. So sometimes is not that u want to have a child u can. Some ppl tell me that dun plan because sometimes the more you plan the more you won't get a baby, a baby is a blessing let it come naturally. But when the baby comes you hope and wish that it has a good environment, if not even u have a baby, the environment now is not good........ Not me I won't wan.

[@epiphadipity]

Personally I want to have a kid because I've always wanted to have one ever since secondary school. Like I don't see a future without at least 1 child. Not because I want them to take care of me when I'm older or whatever other reason, but I wouldn't see my family as complete without a kid. With that being said, I can totally understand why people would choose to not have a kid because the reasons are very practical and endless! It boils down to first wanting a child, then working to sort out your life and marriage and financial/ emotional stability before eventually having one.

[@priscilla2398]

I once had a colleague who was pregnant with her 3rd child. Our ex boss actually asked her why didn’t they use a condom?! The company gave her months of maternity leave throughout her years of employment there. Most female staff left the company shortly after getting attached or married.

[@Enchante...]

With more women empowerment being brought up nowadays, no women would want to go through the stereotype of them having to raise the kids for their husbands. Hence, I suppose most would be more daring to focus more on their personal work life.

[@TheThirstySisters]

One isn't better than the other, let's support everyone's decision 😉💕

[@Enchante...]

@@TheThirstySisters don't forget, still need to please the Mother-in-law... can't give birth also kena scolded...

[@ValerieKor]

Sometimes, busy mothers do more efficient work within a shorter time as well, or within working hours, because they are used to doing things efficiently, so to say with a new responsibility mothers will do less work isn't true in my experience. Also, I think the concerns raised are not unique to modern mums and families. People used to be so poor but still have great families. Kids grow up and may even have richer stories because of it. Maybe it boils down to the expectation of wanting to be perfect - perfectly rich, perfectly comfortable. Actually don't need what... Anyway, having children is a personal choice that is as equal as not having kids. So everyone should just do what they like :)

[@waliaowee]

Well just admit it, we are just not as tough as our parents generation. I nvr seen my mum complained once tht life is tough while raising 3 kids n hving a full time job. Times r much tougher back then yet they endured. Here we r in our cushy 1st world country, best in class education, sipping our starbucks n complaining tht life is a bitch. We r just soft, admit it. We do not value family as much as older generation, we value me time and how i do feel good above raising a family. To me, personally, nothing is greater than raising a family, i respect a mother who raised a family more than any hard core career driven CEO.

[@singaporeslackers]

i wouldnt say these are 'problems' with society but instead trade offs, be it your career progression or personal time. every decision has costs and everyone has to take into consideration the costs and tradeoffs of having a child. it depends on how much one values having a child and raising a child well. however i would say many people regret not having children at the end of the day when they unable to anymore.

[@mich2511]

Haha I am listening and typing my opinions at the same time, Sorry if I spam. On the topic that it is not easy to manage 24 hours with your child. Like nina's example, what if mandy says that you spending more time with the child than him haha. Working parents 8 hours or more at work. During this period they put their children at the childcare or infant care. If i break down the time. In the morning, the parents might rush a bit to send their child, as they are also rushing to work as well, so during that period the only time they can interact with the child is the journey to school.After work when they pick them up, it could be bout 7. From 7 to the children's nap time is like about 3 hours? Younger children needs to sleep early. So Monday to Friday (provided they work 5 days a week, normal working hours). SO their most precious times are the weekends. But if you accumulate the time, they spend more time with the teachers than their parents. So it not easy for them to balance. If they more than 1, each child will have to spend lesser time of their parents. This could be one of the many reasons. Dont you think preschool teachers suddenly become the second parent. It is not easy balancing i say again. Respect.

[@ryan250877]

I have a question according to what Nina says at 33:10 but I'm not talking about a shotgun scenario but is when women having a divorce will you let your child to keep their sir name to their dad or change it back to their mum's sir name. I'm thinking of a scenario if the relationship between them doesn't have a happy ending and also if the dad doesn't want to see them again in the future too. Thanks.

[@cutesophierock]

Love The Thirty Sisters, keep it up!

[@jennytan251]

Personally i would not want to have a kid in future even though i’m still a secondary school student i think that i have my mindset pretty fixed that that is not a goal that i would want to achieve in life. Because i feel that work life in Singapore is very tough and tiring and i don’t think that i have the mental capacity or well being and time to handle another human being and burden my child or my family jst because i cannot handle my child. Having a child is also not my top priority in life that would give me a sense of fulfilment like wat my friends say. Like wat y’all said, in this generation, women are lucky to have more rights to make their own decisions and it’s only right if i take it as an advantage to lead a life that I want because this is MY life and my story to write. And yes i may change my mind in future since i’m still young but i thought it wld be nice to jst share some of my opinions i have now :)

[@sx7953]

meow 🍀

[@scsy5936]

Is not women getting hard to get along is Bro Dominic very hard to get along.🤣

[@TheThirstySisters]

😂😂

[@captainkookie]

Picking a comment made by Sylvia abt having kids means that you take up less responsibility at work. Providing another view as an employee: Tbh I feel this is an Asian boss problem. If technically u are only supposed to work from 9am to 6pm with no expectation of working in the evening, why is there even a problem of "sacrifices " here. In fact male and female then have a fair competitive ground cos they are both committed to their work 8 hrs per day (besides the fact that mothers then to be the one taking leave should the child fall sick but also cos male get frowned upon by Asian bosses when they do that) and additional responsibilities at work should be given such that it is manageable within that 8 hrs and not given with the expectation of working additional hrs.

[@TheThirstySisters]

Thank you for being a compassionate employer 😍😍 you go sister 🤩💓

[@zorielperez1163]

^_^ I'm not sure if birthrates are dropping here in the U.S. but we don't have maternity leave here -___- can you imagine having a child and having to quit your job? I can sympathize with working women who choose to have children anywhere in the world.

[@TheThirstySisters]

We cannot imagine having no maternity leave 😱😱 sending love your way babe 💕🥰

[@yexinxin5588]

Sylvia Chan is very beautiful.

[@singaporeslackers]

i disagree with the 'new mindset' single parenthood idea. studies have shown that children do better in life in a 2 parent family compared to a single parent household. the true victim of having a child while not being committed in a traditional relationship of husband and wife is the child. family is a unit meant to raise offspring. unless the 2 parents are raising the child together despite not being married and fulfill their respective parental roles well, i believe it is unfair to the child's growth and development just because one parent felt he/she would feel happier without his/her partner and therefore walks out of the relationship. the child's life should take precedence over individual happiness or other drawbacks. should the couple not want this outcome, it should be their responsibility to not bear children in the first place instead of raising the child in a lesser environment.

[@singaporeslackers]

even if the 2 parents co-parent and are simultaneously taking care of the child, it is quite unlikely that the couple will be able to provide the child with the same experience growing up compared to having a complete traditional family due to the already weakened relationship between parents from being apart and an increased likelihood of there being inadequacies in childcare especially at a young age if either parent is not around for extended periods of time. (assuming parents live apart)

[@fartsyfucksy]

the part that nina said ' dominic you're not stepping up your game' got me hahahaha, cant agree more than this! guys who say girls are hard to get obviously went for girls outta their league/didnt try hard enough. personally know many girls who are easy to please. u only need to be authentic lol

[@TheThirstySisters]

Dominic and our other brothers need to jiayou 🤣🤗

[@kieronfooz_]

Hello!!!!

[@kieronfooz_]

For the meditation thing, sit up anyway you feel comfortable. You don't necessarily have to sit cross legged. Half-close your eyes and focus on whatever you are trying to improve in your life. Be grateful for everything genuinely.

[@kieronfooz_]

I'm second

[@TheThirstySisters]

Thanks for the tip babe 😉❤

[@itsfakeluv9271]

First