Foxhole friends | Chip Edens | TEDxCharlotte

This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences. Chip shares ideas about the meaning of friendship.
Rector, Christ Episcopal Church
Chip Edens is the rector of Christ Episcopal Church, a 5600 member congregation in Charlotte, North Carolina.

Chip is the moderator of the Faith Forum - a conversation about issues of faith and culture.
Over the last number of years he has led conversations with thought leaders - New York Times bestselling authors, theologians, artists, business leaders, and politicians - exploring subjects ranging from civic leadership, to health and wellness. These events draw an audience from around the region with between 400 to 1500 in attendance and are watched on the internet around the world.

In addition to his work in the church, Chip is committed to reaching leaders in other civic and cultural contexts. He engaged hundreds of leaders through his work with the Young President Organization and the World President Organization.

Chip is a 1992 graduate of Hampden-Sydney College and Yale Divinity School. He has studied organizational leadership at Harvard Business School, Stanford Graduate School of Business, and the Wharton School. He has also studied at the Duke Center for Reconciliation and Justice.

He is a member of the board of the Yale Center for Faith and Culture and The Berkeley Divinity School at Yale.
About TEDx, x = independently organized event In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

[@RovingRoy]

People make time for what matters to them. I get so tired of hearing people say to me, "Oh, I've been busy..." It's incredible to me just how perfect everyone I know, how perfect their lives are, to where they are too busy to reach out.

[@lemostjoyousrenegade]

Well said, Roy. My sister claimed she'd been "off the grid" when I told her that I was the only one who had been reaching out - sending cards, gifts, giving of myself - for the last few years. She'd been living in the same city (San Francisco) and had been in constant contact with my mother and another sibling. I guess she doesn't really know what "off the grid means". She's 11 years older than I am and has become so shallow, phony, delusional. It's heartbreaking. When I was a child I admired her so much. Anyway, I hope YOU are experiencing more loving friendships in your life now (10 months later). Peace & Love to you, Roy! ❤️💙🕊💙❤️

[@TheUltimateSolitude]

So , this video taught me that I can divide all my friends into 3 groups : *Pleasure friends , Advantage friends , True friends* . Hmm, let's see. .. I don't have any friends.

[@patriciacole8773]

So many are playing video games.

[@DnG254]

If this went viral, the world would be better for it

[@UTprema]

one of the best videos I have seen, unfortunately not many views, people busy liking facebook friends :-)

[@tarikay93]

Everyone wants true friends while nobody wants to be those true friends.

[@andrewpettman8826]

This speech changed my journey at a critical time. Thank you

[@prestonspears6078]

I’ve listened to this many times but always get something new from it each time.

[@FearfullyandWonderfullyMade139]

My favorite Ted Talk ever!!! 😍🤩

[@PhoenixUp101]

Sir, your pain has transcended into your victory. Your able to stand up and share this with many people who are in need of healing Glory be to God for his mercy AMD grace in our lives.

[@royadair6737]

Thank you Mr. Chip Edens for this informative and inspirational video topic about True Friendships. Foxhole Friends -The people who really stand by you through everything. 🤔😊👍

[@elaineksanchez3989]

This is a beautiful and powerful talk. Thank you for sharing your story and inspiring others!

[@chipedens4342]

Thank you Elaine!

[@alexandriaschulz4907]

I've watched what seems like 100's of Ted talks-and this one was one of the best, if not in 1st place. A sentiment that needs to be echoed around the world and in society so....so much more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@nicom4996]

Completly blew my mind. I was searching for a ted talk like this for month. I have no word to finish. Thanks!

[@hollystubbing2728]

Powerful, Chip. Thank you.... I hope that I am a Foxhole Friend. I need to think about my five folks...

[@xiqueira]

Surprised by the few comments. This was a great talk. A reminder of how to be a good friend and what is a good friend, especial y in today's world.

[@hippydude1606]

It's been a very long 11 years with my best friend climbing this mountain. I might could have done it alone but I'm all to blessed to have had a buddy to encourage me to keep going.

[@11herbsandspices]

Powerful and much needed.

[@alexandrospanag]

this was an amazing speach and really powerful talk truly motivational (even though as a greek i have to point out that agapi means love)

[@someutubchannel69]

One of the best Tedx videos!!

[@lisacassidy-y6o]

favourite TED talk thank you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[@LadyDidiawtf]

This was a good talk. Currently going through some things that have to do with this talk and honestly, everybody should watch this. About the foxhole friends, absolutly right that one of the things that you can tell from foxholes: they are not using their phones every 5 minutes while having a drink with you. Why would you get together with someone but be on your phone and think your friend is just gonna be there observing the sky or something? That´s just so insane to me

[@Lanamarri36712]

Great video on friendship- I think men have an easier time finding true friendships because often time some women are jealous of you or insecure or just downright phony friends- they say one thing and do another... so if you are a woman and you find a true blue friend who is genuine .. hold on to them like gold!

[@craz4jaymz]

I'm a woman and my male friends wanted me to be their emotional crutch with nothing in return for me! My female friends are nicer and supportive.

[@lemostjoyousrenegade]

WORD! Most of the women I've come across have been so envious/jealous of me. It's heartbreaking that there are so many utterly insecure women! Sheesh.

[@superlolggirl]

@@lemostjoyousrenegade shut up lucy and try to think it through

[@thumbprint7150]

Lana - Many men seem to have a harder time making friends. Many women have deep, meaningful friendships which last a life time and see then through life's upheavals. So any generalisations about women's friendships being fraught with jealousy or insecurity - well, maybe you have been meeting the wrong women.

[@edithisaok580]

@@thumbprint7150 Not really. Many of us on this life journey in our culture have yet to realize that it is a superficial one. We do what makes us comfortable in the socially Darwinian sense. We are a deeply narcissistic society that consumes, and doesn't produce as much any more. It reminds me of that ' greatest country in the world speech of that show 'The Newsroom' that actor Jeff Daniels performed. We've created an illusory comfort zone in this country that we frantically fight tooth and nail to defend, yet we fail to embrace change that keeps heading our way. The things we try to avoid come about anyway. Life keeps getting bigger and bigger. We will never be able to curtail its manifestations. Nobody can think for us or vice versa. None of us has any true cosmic right or power to try and control others (something we don't learn until later in life). People are innately selfish and connect to that which they believe nurtures their purpose.

[@choppersgirl6236]

Denise for the past 14 years, you have been by my side through thick and thin. There is no other person I want in my foxhole besides you. I will always have great respect for you my soulsister.

[@alibeaumont-filder3185]

This puts both a lightbulb on .. and huge thank you to enlightening me .

[@Rosie-KM]

Thank you for this 🙏

[@kimsherlock8969]

Excellent work. Thankyou

[@thumbprint7150]

Thank you, a very moving TED talk for 2020.

[@EustaceKirstein]

Chip, well done. Thank you for carrying this excellent message.

[@minty2340]

This was special thank you very much for this.

[@patriciacole8773]

Jesus is always faithful. And my mom does her very best at being my best friend and although we are opposites, wanting to be friends is probably the most important part of friendship.

[@at5493]

It's 2020 and I'm hopeful this year I'll find the foxhole friends, the right people.

[@shweetiepetina1563]

This was really well done and was exactly what I was looking for. Be The Change you’d like to see in this messed up world. Things like this give me hope. Thank you. I will remember to share this.

[@kimsherlock8969]

I love your description of " The Hole " Though I dont agree Loneliness coincides with Hopelessness. Loneliness is difficult, suffering without empathy or support is Loneliness. The subjects further hurt by watching friendship responses to your "Hole" situation in surprisingly disappointing attitudes. Therefore we loose people in our life , they loose us as we see them differently.

[@Iplaygoofy]

Wow. That was great.

[@luciewajesus731]

Wonderful talk honestly you change my thoughts

[@Gatazaf]

Yes i need to find my 5 friends

[@nathancollinsworth8508]

Beautiful

[@besu4543]

Having more than one friend in the “foxhole”(very descriptive expression)is not true,almost impossible situation.❤

[@gregpendrey6711]

nice. It felt like a talk about God and you. I felt left out of it. I hope my wife will allow me a foxhole friend one day.

[@marandamarvin]

I love this talk!

[@bonniebester606]

17:10...huh? I do believe in the entire history of humanity there have been many Mothers. Nurses. Doctors. Councilors. and Caregivers who have indeed made people Well!" Just saying...but going on.

[@pmatkins]

Very motivational Chip!

[@tamara3782]

*Why Adults Should Play* Playing is a very important means for development. When we play, we develop new relationships and connections. While it is common knowledge that children need to play in order to develop, which is why we buy them games and put a lot of effort into working out the most suitable games for each stage of their development, it is not so clear with us adults. We do not really like to play. Our relations end up quickly deteriorating into each one of us degrading the other, which ends our playing. As a result, we miss out on a lot of what we can get out of life. We fail to examine all of our options for development as adults, and we thus put a halt to our further development. We have turned our daily lives into a prison of sorts. That is, we need to look, behave and talk in certain kinds of ways-and only in those certain kinds of ways-otherwise, we will not fit in with others and gain their respect. Without their respect, we get treated in ways that harm us. We suffer from living in such a prison, but it has become so ingrained into our lives that we cannot escape from it. The essence of our playing as adults should be that we treat each other positively even if we do not feel like it, and to teach others to do the same. Playing in such a way would emulate the higher state of positive connection that nature is developing us toward, and we would thus draw positive forces of connection that dwell in nature into our relations, and start feeling happier, more confident, and that our lives are purpose-driven.

[@acerimmer2000]

That is true American Hero.

[@lauraannettecoaching]

Loved this ❤️❤️

[@DnG254]

Now I know what shame means.thnx

[@shereezahaniff1375]

I enjoy listening to ur topics. I would like to know how to get back a friendship with this guy I been talking to almost a year now. But in one of our conversations he mentioned he had a bestie and bought things for her. I became very silent for a couple of days which he texting and I didn't reply. Because I was still upset after l calm down I text him but our friendship wasn't the same anymore .I keep text but sometimes he replies sometimes he just read the text and don't reply. He always chatting with someone else. First time in my life I told a guy I like him I don't do that but anyway. I decided not to text him. I would like to get some advice how to mend this situation in getting back this friendship and for he to trust and respect me back. I did apologize over and over he accept but still not the same anymore. Thanks u.

[@cellardoor199991]

17:07 - 17:13 That doesn’t sound right

[@gordongray9166]

Man just get to the point